Man in VivoCity lift fight talks caregiver stress & lack of empathy for brother with disability
45-year-old Suresh Vanaz didn’t expect to be captured on video in VivoCity.
The now-deleted Facebook clip showed him shouting and fighting after an incident reportedly sparked by someone blocking his attempt to wheel his brother, Gunaseelan (also known as Seelan), out of the lift.
The video showing the heated altercation quickly went viral.
In a TikTok post shared later, Suresh explained that the confrontation escalated after the individual who blocked him insulted him and allegedly challenged him to a fight.
Suresh has been caregiver of differently abled brother for more than 20 years
MS News sat down with Suresh and his 40-year-old brother Seelan in their Serangoon HDB flat to get to know the man behind the clip and to understand the pair’s struggles.
Suresh, who juggles multiple jobs including as a fitness coach and event host, has been Seelan’s primary caregiver for more than two decades.
Seelan suffers from cerebral palsy, leaving him immobile from the neck down and fully dependent on Suresh for daily activities such as feeding, bathing, and medication.
He also requires a wheelchair.
According to Mayo Clinic, cerebral palsy usually involves poor motor skills, stiff muscles, as well as problems with swallowing and speech.
Despite the challenges, Suresh described their bond as “beautiful and out of this world”, seeing Seelan more as a son who “needs more love in this world”.
Was happy when he found out he was going to have a younger brother
Suresh told MS News that he was initially overjoyed when he was young at the prospect of having a younger brother he could play with.
However, when Seelan was three, he suffered a seizure and his condition only worsened from there.
Image courtesy of Suresh Vanaz
The family was devastated by Seelan’s challenges. Their mother, weighed down by the situation, fell into depression.
Suresh, then still a young boy, made a solemn promise to her — to care for Seelan no matter the obstacles.
When their mother passed away, Suresh became Seelan’s full-time caregiver and has been in the role for more than 20 years.
Image courtesy of Suresh Vanaz
Brother loves travelling and supports Manchester United
Today, Suresh’s daily routine revolves entirely around Seelan’s needs — feeding, bathing, changing diapers, administering medication, and ensuring his well-being.
Seelan attends a school for individuals with cerebral palsy but stays home on days when he isn’t feeling well.
Seelan loves outings, especially to the beach and shopping malls.
A die-hard Manchester United fan, he lights up when talking about his favourite players, Ryan Giggs and David Beckham, to the writer.
Image courtesy of Suresh Vanaz
Seelan also shares his love for food, especially chicken chop and sausages.
Suresh added that Seelan often reminds him to eat whenever he notices his brother hasn’t, a gesture that deeply touches him.
Caregiver says bond with differently abled brother is ‘beautiful’
Despite his speech limitations, Seelan communicates his thoughts with help from Suresh, who shared some mischievous anecdotes.
Suresh recounted one incident when Seelan whistled at women passing by in Orchard Road, only to throw the blame on his unsuspecting brother by looking away.
One memory remains especially poignant for Suresh. During Christmas 2023, Seelan received a S$50 voucher from school. Instead of using it for himself, he asked his helper to buy a T-shirt for Suresh.
This brought tears to his eyes. “Those kinds of very small minor things, I think it’s going to stay with me during the entire journey of my life,” he added.
Image courtesy of Suresh Vanaz
Financial issues a big part of caregiver stress
Being a caregiver has taken a physical, emotional, and financial toll on Suresh.
He estimates that caring for Seelan costs around S$1,500 monthly, but Government support covers only S$600 through CareShield Life.
Rising costs for essentials such as diapers and medication further strain their finances.
Caregiving can be exhausting as it involves a “back-to-back routine”, he said.
Even when he falls ill, there’s no reprieve from his duties.
He is also unable to commit to a full-time occupation, and shared that he misses having an office job.
Despite the stress, he chooses to persevere for Seelan’s sake.
However, he does hope the Government can extend more support for caregivers who are struggling financially, for instance by offering higher CareShield Life payouts.
“Hopefully, they sit down [with] a lot of caregivers and ask them [about] the problems.”
Caregiver and brother with disability face rudeness daily
For Suresh, the VivoCity lift incident was not an isolated event but part of a broader pattern of inconsiderate behaviour he and his brother Seelan encounter almost daily.
Rude actions like that happen all the time, Suresh remarked with a dry chuckle.
He recounted how caregivers and their loved ones often face thoughtless actions, from people rushing into lifts ahead of those with mobility needs to ignoring priority queues on MRT trains.
Suresh recalled waiting more than 20 minutes to use a lift with Seelan at a crowded mall.
Wheelchair users rely on lifts because escalators are not an option, he pointed out, so it’s only fair they’re given priority.
The challenges extend beyond lift access. On MRT platforms, Suresh frequently observes able-bodied commuters occupying spaces marked for individuals with disabilities.
“People stare at us as if we don’t belong,” he said. On some occasions, the stares escalate into hurtful remarks.
Suresh recounted a particularly upsetting incident at Serangoon’s Nex mall. Two children in a lift with their parents mocked Seelan, laughing and making disparaging comments.
When Suresh confronted the parents, they denied the behaviour instead of using it as a teaching moment for their children. “People are really heartless,” he said with a sigh.
Suresh also shared instances where he found the Social Service Office (SSO) staff “insensitive” during their meetings, particularly with the questions asked during assessments.
In one instance, he alleged that a manager, during a meeting in September, questioned why he hadn’t considered placing his brother in a care home.
In another, he claimed that they asked him why he still ate “good food”.
In response to MS News‘ queries, Mdm Bibi Majid, Assistant General Manager of the Social Service Office @ Hougang & Serangoon, said Seelan has been a recipient of ComCare Long Term Assistance (LTA) since October 2022.
She explained that officers have been working with Suresh to address his appeals for increased assistance for his brother but noted that he has not accepted their explanations.
Mdm Bibi also shared that the SSO “has continued to engage him respectfully” and ensured support for Seelan’s needs, including medical and day care expenses, as well as non-medical consumables, to help ease the family’s financial burden. However, she acknowledged that Suresh remains dissatisfied with the assistance provided.
“He continues to make numerous appeals, maintaining the perspective that that the LTA assessment was unfair and that his brother deserves to have his LTA assistance increased,” she added.
Mdm Bibi assured that the SSO is committed to addressing Seelan’s needs and will continue liaising with Suresh to resolve his concerns.
Suresh urges Singaporeans to greet others, be more positive
Meanwhile, Suresh believes the society-wide lack of empathy he faces affects not just caregivers, but other vulnerable groups as well, including parents with strollers, the elderly, and injured individuals.
He proposed two practical solutions: granting priority access to lifts and designating specific train carriages for priority groups.
Reflecting on what ordinary Singaporeans could do to foster empathy, Suresh shared an uplifting story about a neighbour.
The man, who lives in the same block, regularly buys small gifts for Seelan. Even when Suresh told him he didn’t have to, he said it was just a small thing to make Seelan smile, Suresh told MS News.
Suresh said people didn’t need to buy them gifts; simply smiling, greeting, and speaking to him and Seelan in a positive manner would mean just as much.
These small actions really help to lift their spirits, especially on tough days, he shared.
“I think we need to bring back our courtesy campaigns,” he added with a laugh.
Suresh hopes VivoCity incident can result in positive change
The VivoCity lift incident and the subsequent online backlash were particularly difficult for Suresh.
The viral video not only attracted negative comments but also deeply upset Seelan, who had been “traumatised” by the confrontation.
Over the following weeks, Suresh worked to comfort Seelan and help him recover emotionally.
As for himself, the incident left lingering pain, but he chose to channel it constructively.
Many people reached out to him afterwards, and the outpouring of love and shared experiences from other caregivers had touched him, he said.
He hopes the online and media attention from the incident could lead to positive change for caregivers, whether in public attitudes or government policies.
Caregiver promises to care for differently abled brother to the end
Despite the many challenges, Suresh remains unwavering in his commitment to Seelan.
When asked about the pressures of caregiving, Suresh shared a deeply personal reflection.
A friend once asked him what he would wish for if given one chance to ask God for anything.
Suresh’s answer: He’d wish for God to take both him and his brother’s lives away, so they can go to a better place.
“In this world, everyone is so negative. It’s very painful to explain ourselves each and every time to society.”
His wish would remove them away from the negativity, judgment, and constant struggles, he shared.
“But don’t worry, I’m a very strong guy, I won’t do anything stupid.” Suresh added, smiling.
To Suresh, Seelan is not just a brother but a king, and he sees himself as his loyal warrior. He said, with conviction:
No matter what it takes, I will do my duty till the end.
Image courtesy of Suresh Vanaz
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Featured image by MS News.
