Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Parinda/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Laser brain via FACBot (talk) 24 July 2019 [1].

Parinda

Nominator(s): Yashthepunisher (talk) 05:49, 21 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

My first tryst with a featured article. It is a comprehensive and well written account of one of the most important and significant Indian film. Constructive feedback's are welcomed. Thank you. Yashthepunisher (talk) 05:49, 21 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Kailash

None really. I support this since my comments were addressed in the PR. --Kailash29792 (talk) 06:35, 21 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the support Kailash. Cheers! Yashthepunisher (talk) 08:33, 21 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments from Aoba47

Addressed comments

I would revise this part (is aware of Anna's illegal activities) as “illegal activities” is already used in the same paragraph and it can be somewhat repetitive.

I do not think the replacement word "works" used for the revision (is aware of Anna's works and tries to arrest him) makes sense in this context. I would just use "work" as I do not believe the plural does not work in this context.

For this part (Knowing this, Kishan books Karan a flight to Delhi to avoid involving him in this situation), I do not believe “Knowing this” is necessary as it is clear from the rest of the sentence and the overall context why Kishan is doing this.
I am uncertain about this sentence (Knowing this, Kishan books Karan a flight to Delhi to avoid involving him in this situation, but the flight is delayed and Anna's henchmen shoot Prakash, who dies in Karan's arms.). I am assuming that Kishan purchases an earlier flight for Karan so he would arrive before Anna's planned attack, but the delay causes Karan and Prakash to meet at their original time and Prakash is killed according to Anna's plan. I do not think this is fully transparent in the sentence since it is not clear in this part (books Karan a flight to Delhi to avoid) that it is an earlier flight. I think adding "an earlier flight" would clarify this point.
I have a few revision suggestions for this sentence (Through Iqbal, a former messenger of Anna, Karan knows that Anna is a criminal who burnt his wife and since then he is afraid of fire. Karan also discovers Anna is Prakash's murderer and that Kishan works for him.). First, it should be “a former messenger for Anna” rather than “of Anna”. I am also wondering if this revision would make the information read clearer to a reader: (Karan learns from Iqbal, a former messenger for Anna, that Anna is a criminal who orchestrated Prakash’s murder and Kishan’s boss. He is also told that Anna had burnt his wife and developed a fear of fire.). I had changed the “is Prakash's murderer” part as it is technically not true according to the plot summary provided. Anna set up the murder, but his henchmen do the deed.
It is not clear why this sentence (Kishan finds out about Anna's rivalry with Musa, another gangster.) is important to the plot since Musa does not appear to figure into the plot until the third paragraph. Why was it important for Kishan to discover this rivalry at this point in the film? Could the introduction to Musa be pushed down to the third paragraph instead?
For this part (Karan tells Paro that Anna and his brother killed Prakash and he was unaware about it), I would remove the “and he was unaware about it” part as I do not see the use for it.
Is there any more information on this sentence (They slowly fall in love with each other.)? This part should be kept short and concise, but there is very little information on what Paro actually does in the film and how this relationship really forms. Do we see them fall in love while doing any particular activities? The current sentence just seems vague.

Both are actually childhood friends and their love story is never the main focus of the film. They are just shown falling in love after 2-3 meets. However, I have mentioned the 'childhood' bit in the second para. Yashthepunisher (talk) 12:33, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

For this part (Few days later, Abdul, one), I would change it to “A few days later,”
I would change this part (one of Anna's shooter) to a (a shooter for Anna) instead.
For this part (is caught by the police along with some other criminals), I would just say “other criminals”. I do not believe “some” is needed here.
For this sentence (Kishan warns Karan that if he does not go quite, he will die.), I am not sure what “if he does not go quite” means.

For the revision (if he does not go quiet), it should be "quietly" not "quiet".

The following sentence (He is treated by a nurse.) is rather short and disrupts the flow of the paragraph. I would try to integrate the information more seamlessly.

With my above comment, I was not suggesting the complete removal of the sentence. Without that sentence, the part about the nurse here (the nurse treating Kishan will murder him) comes up unexpectedly. I was just curious if there was a way to better present the information.

I have tried to fix it. Please have another look. Yashthepunisher (talk) 12:33, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I am a little confused by this sentence (When Karan is called at the police headquarter to recognise the criminal's, Abdul whispers in his ear that if he testifies, the nurse treating his brother will murder him.), specifically the “whispers” word choice. How would Abdul, who apparently is still in police custody, get so close to a civilian like Karan to whisper this threat in his ear? The summary does not describe the police as corrupt or incompetent so this seems like a rather weird jump.

This is actually what happens in the film. You can have a look here at 4:00 min. It's without subtitles, but you will understand the situation. Yashthepunisher (talk) 12:33, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

For this part (Next day, Anna orders Karan), I believe it should be “The next day” instead of “Next day”.
I have two comments for this part (his another shooter to escort him). The phrase “his another” is not grammatically correct, and “another” does not make sense in this context since Anna has not previously ordered a shooter to escort Karan anywhere.
I have a question for this sentence (Rama Reddy, a close aide of Anna, is kidnapped and taken to Mussa, who offers him work.). Do we know who kidnapped Rama?
For this part (Karan and Paro get married and decide to leave the city and settle somewhere else), could the prose be more specific about “somewhere else”?

They just say 'let's settle somewhere else'. Yashthepunisher (talk) 12:33, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

In this sentence (Anna goes out to kill Musa, believing Musa is responsible for the death of his men, but Musa tells Anna it was Karan all along.), Musa is repeated three times which is less than ideal. It could be revised to something like (Anna believes Musa is responsible for his men’s death and plans to kill him; however, Musa informs Anna that Karan had been manipulating him the entire time.)
I am confused by this sentence (Karan and Paro spending their wedding night on a boat when Anna arrives and shoots them both to death.). A previous sentence says that these two characters marries, left the city, and settled “somewhere else”, but according to this sentence, they were killed on their wedding night so it does not seem like they had the opportunity to settle anywhere.

They have plans to leave the city 'after' the marriage. Anna kills them the very night they get married. Yashthepunisher (talk) 12:33, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

From the information I read in the “Production” section, I am assuming this sentence (Kishan then burns Anna in fire in revenge for his brother's death.) means Kishan set the boat on fire and killed Anna that way rather than setting just Anna on fire. If that is the case, then I would specify that as the current sentence could literally read that Kishan just set Anna on fire and nothing else.

Anna kills them on the boat and leaves. Kishan sees the bodies and goes to his house to kill him. I have tweaked this bit.

Something about the phrase "burns Anna in fire" sounds odd to me. The verb "burns" typically means to put something on fire so the "in fire" part seems unnecessary.

There is a lot of great work in this article, but I have concerns about the prose quality in the “Plot” section. Aoba47 (talk) 23:57, 3 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your comments Aoba47. The article has genuinely improved because of you. I will soon ask some editor to copyedit the plot section. Yashthepunisher (talk) 12:33, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for addressing everything. I will look over the article later in the week if that is okay with you. Aoba47 (talk) 19:04, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I have done a rather copy-edit to try and help with the flow of the "Plot" section. Feel free to revert any or all of my edits as you are more familiar with the film. I was just trying to help it read a little better, but I have a lot to learn myself. I will be turning my focus to the rest of the article later in the week. If I have not put up new comments by Friday, feel free to ping me here or leave me a note on my talk page as a reminder. Again, I hope this helps. Aoba47 (talk) 23:26, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks much for the copy-edit Aoba47. Yashthepunisher (talk) 05:02, 9 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

For this part (Vidhu Vinod Chopra as the corpse), I wonder if it would be better to say "a corpse" instead of "the corpse". "The" implies there is either only one corpse in the movie or it holds some sort of significance to the story. Since neither appear to be true (as it seems more like a cameo), then I think "a corpse" would be better. If the movie's credits use "the corpse" however then keep it as it currently is.
I would clarify the "He" in this sentence (He was then offered the role of Anna, the kurta-pajama wearing gangster of the film.) as "Patekar" since multiple names appear in the previous sentence.
Is this part (the kurta-pajama wearing gangster of the film) really necessary? A reader would already know who Anna is from the plot summary and I do not see the importance of the character wearing kurta-pajama. It just seemed somewhat random and out-of-place to me.
For this part (In 1985, director Vidhu Vinod Chopra made the suspense thriller), I would wikilink the director's name. He is already wikilinked in the cast section, but since the actors are wikilinked in both the cast and production sections, then the director should be as well for consistency.
For this sentence (Scenes were shot in natural lighting with light coming through the windows or candles, in an indoor scene), I do not believe a comma is needed after "candles".
For this part (materials, like a piece of white cloth, or tracing paper in front of the light to make it softer and more natural), I would move the comma after "cloth" to after "paper".
Apologies for the silly question, but what is the film's climax? You mention twice in the production section that the film's climax was shot at the Gateway of India, but I genuinely do not know what the climax is.

Karan and Paro are making love inside a boat in the Arabian sea, near the Gateway of India. That is when, Anna arrives and shoots them to death. Yashthepunisher (talk) 05:29, 12 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

That would need to be clarified in the prose, and that could lead to confusion from the reader. For instance, when I was reading the article, I had no idea what you mean by the "climax" until you pointed it out to me know. Also, I think the image placement still needs to be addressed. I found it a little confusing to have the image placed next to a paragraph that is talking about a completel different location and part of the film. Aoba47 (talk) 17:13, 12 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I would move the Gateway of India image down to the paragraph where the place is discussed as it feels somewhat out of place in its current placement.
I would wikilink "shoestring budget".
For this part (and book 100 Bollywood Films by Rachel Dwyer), I believe it should be "the book".
Firstpost is wikilinked multiple times when it should not be. Items should only be wikilinked on their first use.

The second instance of Firstpost should be in italics. Aoba47 (talk) 17:13, 12 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

For this part (and Martin Scorsese's crime drama Mean Streets (1973),), I would use "crime film" instead. Something about "crime drama" makes me think of a television show rather than a film so I would avoid ambiguity.

Thank you for your patience. Once my comments are addressed, I will be more than happy to support this for promotion. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week. Aoba47 (talk) 21:59, 11 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Aoba47 Your queries have been resolved. Yashthepunisher (talk) 05:29, 12 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you. There are still three points that need to be addressed (the climax, the Gateway of India image placement, and the Firstpost italicization. Once these three points are addressed, I will support this for promotion. Aoba47 (talk) 17:13, 12 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Aoba47 I have resolved the issues raised by you. Please have a look. Yashthepunisher (talk) 05:27, 13 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

8Thank yo for addressing everything! I support this for promotion. Aoba47 (talk) 19:18, 13 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Veera Narayana

Support — Not much to talk about. Majority of my concerns were done at the PR itself. I've made some minor changes in the plot. This is worth enough to be a FA IMO. Hence, i support the article's promotion. Veera Narayana 09:18, 3 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much for the support Veera Narayana. Yashthepunisher (talk) 13:17, 3 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Sources review

Spotchecks: A number carried out, identifying a few issues:

Ref 19: Article says "The singer Shaan made his playback singing debut by singing one line for 'Kitni Hai Pyari Pyari'" Source says two lines. On the other hand, the source in ref 20 says one line, so who knows? Too trivial to worry about.

I have tweaked this sentence. Yashthepunisher (talk) 13:10, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Ref 25: Article says "In a 2010 interview, film critic and Chopra's wife Anupama Chopra said, "there was so much buzz about Parinda before the release of the film": Source says "there was so much buzz about Parinda that I wanted to feature him". Quotes should exactly replicate what's in the source.
Ref 38: Article says "British director Danny Boyle cited Parinda as one of the films that helped him understand Mumbai for his Academy Award-winning film Slumdog Millionaire (2008)". This information does not appear in the source, although Parinda is mentioned in general terms.
Ref 52: Article says "The city in the film is shattered into "dark, morbid spaces with all the characters framed within a light and shadow zone".". I was unable to locate this quotation in the source.

It's at page 71. Yashthepunisher (talk) 13:10, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Verifiability:

Ref 26: Not sure what is being cited here

This is a radio talk show where the director recites how he saw the audiences were unhappy with the film's climax. Yashthepunisher (talk) 13:10, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Links:

Ref 11: if you're going to cite YouTube you need a link. See also 41

*I have used the AV media template that's doesn't require a link. Should I add it? Yashthepunisher (talk) 13:10, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Done. Yashthepunisher (talk) 05:06, 11 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Otherwise, all links to sources are working, per the checker tool

Formats

Ref 24 et al: ISBNs should be formatted uniformly. At present some are hyphenated, other not.
"Further reading": this is not a list of optional further reading, it's a list of your book sources which, with one exception, you have fully itemised in your references. The exception is ref 5, Mehta. This should be brought into line with the others, and then eliminate the "further reading" list.
Otherwise, formats OK

Quality and reliability

Ref 39: How do you access the source article? And what makes this a high quality reliable source?

Replaced the source. Yashthepunisher (talk) 13:10, 8 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Generally, the sources appear to be comprehensive, though I have no knowledge of some of the websites used. In the absence of comment from other reviwers, I am prepared to accept that they meet the required criteria for quality and reliability.

Brianboulton (talk) 16:39, 3 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton The rest have been fixed. Thank you. Yashthepunisher (talk) 05:02, 9 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support: A very well written article. Mr. Smart LION 04:53, 11 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the support Mr. Smart LION Yashthepunisher (talk) 05:00, 11 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support: I really don't see much of a fault in it, Yash. Its crisp and well-written. Good job. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 05:53, 15 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the support Ssven2. Yashthepunisher (talk) 10:47, 15 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support all looks good. Perhaps link "diffusion", but your call Jimfbleak - talk to me? 06:12, 20 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the support Jimfbleak, I have wikilinked it. Yashthepunisher (talk) 11:54, 20 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Dharmadhyaksha

You may use "all_lyrics" parameter in Template:Track listing or delete individual entries of all lyrics. Prose covers it already that they were written by Hallauri.
If Shaan has sung "Kitni Hai Pyari Pyari", his name should be included in the table too against the song entry.
Prose mentions there are two versions of "Kitni Hai Pyari Pyari", but table lists only one.
Adding second version of "Kitni Hai Pyari Pyari" will make total 5 songs. Prose says they were 4.
"Tum Se Milke" is based on Leo Sayer's 1977 single "When I Need You". What does "based on" mean? Lyrics? Music?
"Parinda received the NFA for Nana Patekar". Or should it be "Patekar received NFA for Parinda"?
Is the Best Film nominee the director or the production house? Our article Filmfare Award for Best Film lists Vinod Chopra Productions.

Best Film Awards are given to producers. In this case, Chopra is the producer as well so his production company is listed in the nominees. Yashthepunisher (talk) 14:37, 22 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

If possible do mention what corresponding roles D'Onofrio, Yelchin and Marquette played. §§Dharmadhyaksha§§ {Talk / Edits} 12:55, 22 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Dharmadhyaksha Thank you for the comments. Yashthepunisher (talk) 14:37, 22 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Closing note: This candidate has been promoted, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. --Laser brain (talk) 11:11, 24 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.