I'm Alan Partridge

Alan Partridge is currently living at the Linton Travel Tavern after his ex-wife kicked him out, and is stuck hosting the graveyard slot on Radio Norwich after a poorly received first series of his BBC talk show. The staff at the hotel remain cordial to Alan despite his intolerable personality, including handyman Michael, whom he asks to remove some lewd graffiti sprayed on the side of his car by vandals, reading "Cock Piss Partridge", which Michael changes to "Cook Pass Babtridge" with the help of some purple spraypaint.- Alan has difficulty understanding Michael due to his strong Geordie accent. Believing he is set for a second series at the BBC, Alan goes house hunting, accompanied by his bewilderingly loyal personal assistant Lynn.

During an embarrassing lunch at the BBC Television Centre with Tony Hayers (David Schneider), the chief programme commissioner of the BBC, Hayers informs Alan that he will not get a second series, dismissing a number of Alan's increasingly desperate alternate pitches for new shows, including 'Inner City Sumo' and 'Monkey Tennis'. Alan assaults Hayers with a wheel of blue cheese. With no second series, and therefore no funds to purchase his house, Alan returns to his hotel room, giving himself a black eye via a poor attempt at an athletic leap from his bed to the minibar.^[11]

Without a second series of his programme, Alan is nearing bankruptcy and has to put his production company into liquidation and fire the entire crew. Alan panics on arrival at Peartree Productions, and tells them that he has been successful in securing a second series.

While the staff prepare a party, and Jill, his flirtatious, chain-smoking, 50-year-old, divorced receptionist (Julia Deakin) goes out to buy some snacks, Alan tries to extricate himself by firing staff members for various ridiculous "offences". Whilst he locks himself in his boardroom, all the staff leave voluntarily, except for Jill, who returns and goes on a date with Alan to a nearby owl sanctuary.

In the evening, the two attend a Valentine's Day dinner at the Travel Tavern and return to Alan's room to have sex. Jill's attempt at eroticism (involving smearing chocolate mousse all over Alan and his bed) angers him, causing him to end the liaison and later announce on-air that he has sacked her.^[13]

After making various unsympathetic and ill-advised comments about farming on his radio show, Alan has become an object of hatred for local farmers. Alan's viewing of pornography on his travel tavern bedroom television is subtly ridiculed by the staff at the hotel, with him attempting to exonerate himself due to 'confusion'.

After being hired to shoot an advertisement for a small boating holiday company, Alan attempts to contact his ex-wife Carol in order to meet the company's requirement that he have a partner in the video with him- he is unsuccessful. On the day of the video shoot, he attempts to blend in with the hard-drinking crew, whilst making a fool of himself in front of the actress they had to hire to replace his ex-wife.

In-between shooting days, Alan interviews the leader of the local Farmers' Union (Chris Morris), but instead of apologising for his comments, his series of increasingly ludicrous claims involving their day to day activities enrages local farmers even further.

During the second day of the shoot, he is crushed by a dead cow thrown from a bridge by disgruntled local farmers. Alan returns from hospital with a neck brace and broken fingers, asking the hotel staff to "make pornography come on my television again" after previously requesting they disable the channel.^[15]

There are major refurbishments taking place at the Linton Travel Tavern, leaving Alan as the only guest. He becomes desperately bored and does various things to pass the time, including dismantling his trouser press, walking along a busy dual carriageway to a petrol station to buy several bottles of windscreen washer fluid, driving round the ring road three times, buying some tungsten-tipped screws he never intends to use and dressing up as a zombie as a practical joke. His boredom culminates with an attempt to steal a traffic cone with Michael and Lynn, before they are stopped by the police.^[17]

Alan hosts "An Afternoon with Alan Partridge" at the hotel which is attended by his self-confessed "biggest fan", Jed Maxwell (Ian Sharrock). He is also visited by Irish network executives (Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews) who are considering giving him a show on Irish television. They are unimpressed by Alan, particularly regarding his ignorant take on Ireland, the Troubles, and his misunderstanding of the U2 song "Sunday Bloody Sunday", though they get along very well with Lynn.

Through a series of mishaps, the three of them end up at Jed's house, whom Alan pretends to cohabit with due to having no home of his own. After Alan and the executives discover that Jed's fandom is of a highly obsessive nature, with one of his rooms acting as shrine to the presenter, the two executives make their excuses and leave, leaving Alan and Jed alone. Alan becomes increasingly worried about his own safety and, following an altercation with Jed, he makes a hasty escape, fleeing across nearby fields.^[19]

After an afternoon hosting a small village fayre and judging the vegetable competition, Alan is delighted to discover that Tony Hayers has died and that his successor is Chris Feather, a supporter of Alan's works. Attending Hayers' funeral as he knows Chris will be there, he attempts to secure his sought-after second series. However, Feather later suffers a fatal heart attack just before Alan's new contract is signed.

Later, Alan and Lynn host a farewell party in his hotel room, where manager Susan finally lashes out at Alan, in retaliation for his behaviour throughout his protracted occupancy. The guests all leave as a result. The series ends as Alan and Lynn tidy up to the theme from The Adventures of Black Beauty, with Alan feeling pleased with himself.^[21]

Five years on from his time at the Linton Travel Tavern, Alan is living in a static home next to his under-construction house, with his new girlfriend Sonja. He has written a book, Bouncing Back, after having spent two years unemployed and "clinically fed up".

While visiting Michael at his new petrol station job, Alan has a chance meeting with his old teacher Frank Raphael. Alan convinces Raphael to let him give a talk to the sixth formers at the school where Raphael is now headmaster. Whilst at the school, Alan bumps into an old schoolmate, Phil Wiley, who is now a teacher. Alan still holds a grudge against Wiley for drawing a penis on the back of his school blazer, which Raphael caned Alan for. In his talk, Alan makes a fool of himself by screening his car safety PSA 'Crash, Bang, Wallop: What a Video!' for the schoolchildren, and exposing Wiley for impregnating the school science lab assistant during his time as a pupil.

Later, Wiley comes into the petrol station. Alan, thinking he has come to fight, threatens him with a hot apple pie whilst Lynn draws a chalk penis on his back. The two make peace, but an arriving customer informs Wiley of the drawing, forcing Alan to lock the petrol station doors, trapping himself, Lynn and Michael inside.^[24]

Alan is asked to present a sales conference for "Dante's of Reading," a company that supplies coal-effect fires and fireplaces. The company sends Piet Morant to discuss the conference details with Alan. After his frequent pranks with the security staff at Choristers Country Club result in the police being called, Alan is forced to bring Piet to his partially built house for the meeting, with Lynn and Michael improvising a meeting room from makeshift furniture and lighting.

Despite a difficult meeting, Alan is awarded the job. He is denied entry to the conference due to his lack of ID and after attempting to climb the fence, he impales his foot on a metal spike. He refuses to seek medical treatment and attempts to present the sales conference with a seriously injured foot, leading to him vomiting all over the floor.^[26]

Alan makes a new friend at the BP garage, Dan (Stephen Mangan). They share an appreciation for the same beer, use the same deodorant, and drive the same car. Dan owns 'Kitchen Planet', a superstore in the local area, and arranges for Alan to both purchase a reduced price kitchen and present the Norfolk Bravery Awards, sponsored by Colman's Mustard. Alan's attempts to impress Karen Colman are unsuccessful, but she strikes up an instant rapport with Sonja, later inviting her back to her house for a 'girl's only night.' Lynn goes to spend the evening with Gordon, her new friend from the church, leaving Alan alone.

Unaware of what to do with the rest of his day, Alan spends some time at an arcade before enjoying a 'cup of beans' on Michael's doorstep. Later, at Dan's house, Alan is promised a demo reel of his prospective kitchen, instead being shown a recording of Dan and his wife Kerry having sex in the superstore. They proposition Alan to join, based on their erotic enjoyment of his 'Deep Bath' segment on Radio Norwich. He leaves, and after hastily performing one final 'Deep Bath' on the air, he cancels the segment, much to the disappointment of Dan and Kerry.^[27]

Alan plans to watch all the James Bond films in sequential order for the weekend with Michael, who has made a new friend, Tex (Peter Serafinowicz). Tex is obsessed with American culture, and Alan's jealousy of the two causes him to fall out with Michael.

It is the first anniversary of Lynn's mother's death, and Alan takes her to visit the grave site. Upon their arrival back to the caravan, Lynn's friend Gordon appears, and threatens Alan over his mistreatment of Lynn. In a panic, Alan gives Lynn a pay rise. Lynn accidentally destroys almost all of Alan's James Bond collection just before the marathon begins, with the only surviving tape being in Michael's possession. After making up with him, Alan discovers that an episode of "America's Strongest Man" has been taped over The Spy Who Loved Me. In anger, he restlessly performs the opening sequence to The Spy Who Loved Me. Everybody present elects to watch America's Strongest Man instead, and Alan is left to roleplay James Bond alone.^[29]

The Inland Revenue are due to call and carry out an investigation into Alan's business affairs, causing him to worry about the gift receipt for a dressing gown Bill Oddie gave him that he falsely and illegally declared as a tax expense. Sonja has developed an apparent obsession with London, repeatedly gifting Alan with London based memorabilia and requesting he take her there on a trip. Alan lies to Sonja about his supposed friendship with Bono, from the band U2. When the Inland Revenue arrive, Alan panics and behaves incredibly suspiciously, before delegating to Lynn once she arrives with a record of his business receipts.

After an argument with Sonja about London, Alan attempts to make up with her by taking her to a National Trust stately home under the guise of it being Bono's house. Lynn arrives with a friend if hers from the baptist church in disguise as 'Bono', but Sonja does not fall for the deception, leading Alan to begrudgingly promise her a trip to London, which he yet again delegates to Lynn.^[31]

The building work on Alan's house is finally complete and Sonja wants to move in. Alan, however, has other ideas, insensitively suggesting she live in the caravan next door, only coming round to please Alan sexually. He is interviewed on the radio show Prayer Wave, where his insensitive comments towards another guest (Julia Davis) concerning her previous drug problems cause her to walk out. Attending Lynn's baptism at her church, he makes a dreadfully uncomfortable speech, simulates blowing his head off with a shotgun and assaults a guest who questions his anecdote-writing abilities.

Alan attends the destruction of the remaining 14,000 unsold copies of Alan's book, Bouncing Back, which are due to be pulped. Alan walks away, taking a few copies of the book with him in a plastic bag as a memento, as "The Windmills of Your Mind" plays.^[33]