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{{British}}

[[File:ukip.gif|thumb|right|The UKIP "Pound logo". Used to remind the British people of how little they have achieved in 300 years.]]
[[File: Farage.jpg|thumb|200px|Nigel Farage, UKIP Top Cheese For Life]]
{{wikipedia}}

The '''UK Independence Party''' ('''UKIP''', '''Ukip''', pron.: {{fakelink|/ˈjuː|/ju:/ long 'u' in 'universal'}}{{fakelink|k|'k' in 'kockhead'}}{{fakelink|ɪ|/ɪ/ short 'i' in 'irritable'}}{{fakelink|p/|'p' in 'phukkers'}} <small>'''''[[dickheads|YEW-kip]]'''''</small>), also called the '''UK Incompetence Party''', is a [[political party]] for people who find the [[BNP]] a little too proletarian and scary and prefer their [[racism]] and cheap populism from nice posh people in "proper" [[jobs]] who own shares (in the arms industry, probably). The party is based on the vision of "''A Britain of every colour outside the EU, but no brown people''" UKIP is run by [[Nigel Farage]], who recently changed his name by deed poll to "[[HowTo:Make People Believe Absurdities|Nickel Forager]]" to reflect his long-running practice of exposing [[corruption]] in the [[EU]] by claiming more in expenses than any other MEP.

UKIP is officially a broad-spectrum coalition open to anyone staunchly opposed to [[European]] integration and expansionism, except with regard to expenses. Unofficially, you must be barkingly right-wing, have had at least five [[Green ink|green-ink]] letters published in the [[Daily Telegraph]] and be middle-aged and ruddy-faced. It's also preferable that you be a failed [[businessman]] or minor [[celebrity]] although this isn't essential. A cheap [[plastic]] bowler hat with a [[Union Jack]] on it is also an advantage, as is a belief that [[God]] wouldn't have given you two hands if he didn't mean you to grasp as much as you possibly can with them.

==UKIP Manifesto==
{{main|UKIP Manifesto}}
The official Manifesto of UKIP is as follows:

* Total withdrawal from the [[EU]] while still ensuring UKIP MEPs can claim full expenses.
* Complete Integration into [[NAFTA]] or, failing that, the [[USA]] (this is not hypocritical, okay)
* An Invasion of [[France]], largely by UKIP members looking for a second home
* And then an invasion of Spain so that Brits have the permanent right to retire to Spain and stay there forever, while preventing Spaniards from ever setting foot in Britain
* Compulsory [[fox-hunting]]
* [[Closed borders]] except to those with Anglo-Saxon blood. UKIP believes [[Britain]] is "full", but there's always room for the right kind of people.
* Kick out all of those [[foreigners]] (except, of course, [[Americans]], [[Australians]], [[New Zealand]]ers and (non-[[French]]-speaking) [[Canadians]])
* A complete abandonment of any and all [[policy]] designed to combat [[global warming]]. UKIP believe it does not exist and is the invention of a [[global conspiracy]] of [[scientists]] who have made it their life's work to tax UKIP members for owning horrible big [[cars]].
* A "[[Royal Commission]]" to determine whether [[Global Warming]] exists. Since UKIP believes it doesn't, the commission are only allowed to come to one conclusion and if they don't the commission will simply declare that they "need to see more evidence" in perpetuity. Take ''that'' [[scientific method]]!
* Removal of state subsidy for [[gay pride]] marches or non-[[English]] [[cultural celebration]], regardless of whether they bring [[money]] to the [[local economy]] or not. State subsidies to be diverted to the [[Royal Family]] instead, as is proper.
* 'Relocation camps' for all non [[English]]-speaking people refusing to leave to be opened in [[Dover]], [[Land's End]] and [[Treblinka]].
* Hang on, who will do all of the shitty [[jobs]] then?
*[[Bollocks]], I'm off to the [[Spain|Costa del Stupid]].
* Oh yes, I forgot! The sinking of the British nation! (see above)
* And the celebration of the anniversary of the sinking of our nation as Independence Day!


Despite never receiving a vote from the [[Scottish]] electorate UKIP would impose the following policies on the citizens of [[Scotland]]. This is, of course, "[[hypocrites|completely different]]" from the [[EU]] making policy for <s>England</s> [[Britain]].

* Spend yet more public money deconstructing the [[Scottish Parliament]] building
* Move the Scottish Parliment to an old unsuitable but "Historic" building
(in line with UKIP "past not progress" policies)
* Abolishment of the Scottish Parliment
* Recycle the rubble from the Scottish Parliment by repairing and enlarging [[Hadrian's Wall]]. 
:''to cut off the rifraff from up north, the wall would also be partial built around the oil pipeline to allow the secure transfer of [[Scottish Oil]] south.''

Similar policies would likely be imposed on [[Wales]], probably without any modification since UKIP clearly have no care for anyone who does not reside in the home counties. Offa's Dyke is to be dug deeper as the [[Romans]], for some reason, did not build a wall around [[Wales]]. Although they were only trainee [[Italians]] anyway, so building two walls on one island would be a problem, unless a Sicilian legion got the contract.

Obviously, a big wall cannot be built around [[Northern Ireland]], so the UKIP would instead place a huge blockade around it, "to keep the bloody leeches out of [[England]]." Otherwise, they might decide to conquer [[Ireland]] and saturate it with [[Englishmen]], "to show those bloody [[Catholic|Taigs]] what's what."

==History==
[[File:ColBlimp.jpg|frame|left|Founder of UKIP]]
After his sudden but temporary ban from the airwaves for allowing two guests on his show to actually murder each other and providing the [[gun|handguns]] that they committed the deeds with, [[Jerry Springer]] found himself in need of a [[scapegoat]]. He settled on the [[EU]] In his quest to find the [[EU]] to blame, he moved to [[Britain]], where he discovered loads guys in a [[pub]] who agreed with him. They all got completely [[drunk|hammered]] and suddenly decided to found their own [[political party]]. Then the other members expelled Springer after he was caught being a clown in Chavham for some strange reason.

Since its formation and instant rise to power the party has overseen many sweeping reforms including the compulsory introduction of pet spades for every weevil. Said weevil will eventually snap and eat Jerry Springer, which will for some reason enable it to take over the world.

==Campaign against the Euro currency==

UKIP were quick to point out how little the [[UK]] has achieved in 300 years, the [[Pound Sterling|pound]] is really the only thing that the [[UK]] is known for. UKIP pointed out that by swapping bits of paper for smaller more colourful bits of paper most of the would would forget the [[UK]] even existed. 

Some UKIP [[economist]] predicted that converting to the [[Euro]] could have similar effects to a 500,000 megaton [[nuclear bomb]] being detonated in [[Manchester]]. (And for some reason believe this is a bad thing.)

As well as the numerous advantages of the [[Euro]], supporters of the single [[currency]] also point out the fact that nobody really gives a shit what currency the [[UK]] uses.

Recently the party have suggested that they may change their logo as they feel the argument has been won. It is not clear what the logo could be changed to, since there is nothing else can really represent [[Britain]].

==Current Members==
[[File:Grumpy.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Typical UKIP member]]
Current members include [[Rusty Lee]], [[Peter Crouch]], 'H' from Steps, [[Mike Glennon]], [[Chris Ruddock]] and [[Sooty]].
[[Sooty]] is campaigning for UKIP to introduce a [[puppet government]].

==Leaders==

UKIP was formerly led by [[Rogerette Knapman]] (a [[nazi]]). It is likely that it will be in need of one soon, as most of the party membership consists of self-declared legends to save people from bitches

The only famous leader of the party was a man called [[Robert Kilroy-Silk]]. He was, and remains, mostly famous for being very orange and butt-fucking [[Garfield]] kiddy-rides in urban shopping precincts.

Another former leader is chinless fuckhead Nigel Farrage, a member of the [[European Parliament|European Pretend Parliament]], who spends his time collecting his huge [[salary]] and obscene expenses so as to discredit all [[European]] pretend [[politicians]]. This hilarious prankster is mostly famous for sending a [[spam|spam e-mail]] to every local [[Councillor]] in [[Great Britain]] asking them to join UKIP as the only pretend political party and getting so pissed that his 'personal assistant' has to carry him out of [[Belgian]] [[restaurants]]. Essentially, he is taking the piss.

In early 2010, Farrago called for a ban on the wearing of burkas. This is because of his fierce feminist beliefs. During the 2010 [[General Election]] campaign Farage survived a plane crash when the 'UKIP' banner his private plane was trailing became wrapped around the aircraft. Wrapped rather like a [[Mexican]] wrap, or a [[Sikh]] headdress, or some kind of [[Arab]] headwear.

The current leader of UKIP is [[Lord Sauron]], but thus far, we still don't know for certain when it'll go back to being led by Farage again. Time will only tell.

==See also==
*[[Veritas]]

[[Category:Politics of the United Kingdom]]
[[Category:Nasty Right Wing Bastards]]
[[Category:Cults]]
[[Category:Propaganda]]
[[Category:Brexit]]

{{Politicalparty}}

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