View source for Otter

← Otter

Jump to navigation Jump to search

You do not have permission to edit this page, for the following reason:

This page is currently semi-protected so that only established, registered users can edit it.

Why is the page protected?

While most articles can be edited by anyone, semi-protection is often used on more popular pages, such as featured pages.
The reason for protection can be found in the protection log. If there are no relevant entries in the protection log, the page may have been moved after being protected.

What can I do?

If you have a user account, log in first. If you do not yet have an account, you may create one; after 4 days and 10 edits, you will be able to edit semi-protected pages.
Try shouting at an admin if you want to request an edit.
Try editing some other pages, or read our Beginner's Guide!

You can view and copy the source of this page.

{{Taxobox
|name = Otter
|image = Weasels.jpg
|size = 
|caption = I... don't know what this is.
|domain = Something
|kingdom = The sea kingdom idk
|phylum = Do I really have to fill all these?
|class = Boring
|order = Incredibly boring
|family = It's so boring, it sucks
|subfamily = '''Can I go home now?'''
| 
}}

An '''otter''' is an evil, ''amphibious'' (that means it lives in [[water]], people), and noticeably wet creature that spends its time mostly in water while hunting for food in various bodies of liquids. I only spent a few minutes on this essay, so don't expect much of anything. I'm not a good writer, either, so keep that in mind. Also, otters are not very [[boring|interesting creatures]], so this page will probably get [[VFD|deleted]]. ''Okay, let's get started'',

==Diet and behavior==
Otters must eat 57.2 pounds of [[fish]] each day in order to survive. The [[Why?:Take Your Fish To Work|fish]] are not fond of this arrangement, and are currently taking their case to court. Otters can also ingest ''at least'' three (3) Red Oak trees per week, thus causing a horrid battle of perplexities as mankind has a strong need for Red Oak trees to produce toilet tissue, fine china cabinets and wood grain for luxury automobiles. 

It has been "scientifically" "proven" that Otters are the root cause of drought, as their fur and dams can absorb up to two thousand (2000) gallons of water per month, which leads to drought and vegetation loss. This is why otters are considered the "Evil Rat" of the ''Adolfus Hitlersssf'' family of possums. Well, okay, maybe that was all false, but it makes my essay that much longer. if your hate grows stronger as you read this I whold like to recommend you "Seal Hunter"(just look it up on google folks...) 

Otters probably sleep for, [[Valley girl|like]], twenty-three (24) hours per day, because they have no natural predators... <u>''or fuckin' JOBS''</u>. The fact that we Americans support otters with our precious tax dollars only underscores the need for this essay. Okay, I don't really know anything about otters. It's too bad, too, cuz I have an essay to write on Otters, and I'm running out of time. Hopefully, I can [[UN:LIST|list]] ''Uncyclopedia'' in my [[essay|bibliography]] along with ''wild rumors'' and ''the telephone game''. '''DAMN YOU OTTERS! HOW CAN I [[HowTo:Write A Essay|WRITE]] 27 PAGES ON YOU??!?'''

==Why are otters so damn boring?==
[[File:Theottersdvd.jpg|thumb|right|200px|<b>Suspenseful!</b><br/>-New York Observer]]
First of all, they're small. Any animal that's small is not likely to get put in zoos. ''"Oh mommy, let's go see the otters"''? I don't think so. That kid had best calm themselves down. Just like the [[Conservapedia|Theory]] of [[Creation]], it's been "scientifically" "proven" that otters are extremely boring. But enough with the facts, what does Wikipedia have to say about otters? ''Let's listen in, shall we?''

{{cquote|Otters belong to the palm family, a family of flowering plants belonging to the monocot order, Arecales. There are roughly 202 currently known genera of otters, most of which are restricted to tropical, subtropical, and possibly warm temperate climates. Most otters are distinguished by their large, compound, evergreen leaves arranged at the top of an unbranched stem.

Otters are predatory invertebrate animals that have two body segments, eight legs, no chewing mouth parts and no wings. Otters are found all over the world, from the tropics to the Arctic, living underwater in silken domes they supply with air, and on the tops of mountains.

The otter is a telecommunications device that is used to transmit and receive sound (most commonly speech), usually two people conversing but occasionally three or more. It is one of the most common household appliances in the world today. Most otters operate through transmission of electric signals over a complex otter network which allows almost any otter user to communicate with almost anyone.}}

Uh, okay, that obviously was not about otters. Sorry about that. What can you expect? Otters are the most ''boring'' animals alive. My eyes glazed over before I could see what I was [[plagiarism|copying and pasting]]! Scientists have shown that otters aren't even ''half'' as smart as the average human. ''Not. Even. Half.'' Can you imagine that? Good lord! I've met some humans, and let me tell ya, they're huge dumbasses.

The question here, is, ''why'' are they boring? We've established the fact that they're boring, but why? Where does the boredom with otters arise? Otters have been around, oh, for thousands of years. In that time, what have they accomplished? ''I ASK YOU: WHAT HAVE THEY ACCOMPLISHED?'' Absolutely nothing. They ''certainly'' haven't stopped global warming, if THAT'S what you're asking. In spite of this, I have a 40 page essay to write on them ''due tomorrow!!'' Maybe my teacher's an otter? Are otters the ones that build [[beaver|dams]]?

==What have otters not accomplished?==
[[File:Rich and Fancylike otter.jpg|thumb|right|200px|You think you're better than me?<br />''I CAN BADMOUTH YOU ON THE INTERNET!!'']]
Otters are the least [[motivation|productive]] members of the animal kingdom, or so I am [[steel|lead]] to believe. ''[[God|Lord]]'' they are lazy animals! I thought [[cat]]s were lazy, but no: at least cats can hunt! Yeah, sure, otters eat fish: the only animal more stupid than ''they'' are. The only thing otters have accomplished is giving [[mammals]] a bad name. They're making us look bad in front of the other [[biology|classes]]! 

For one thing, they haven't solved the global energy crisis. This is a big thing for me: my mom runs the [[hippie|organic foodmart]], and she's a big mucky-muck around there. She says that animals are better than people at cleaning up the [[Earth]]. It's true: ''most'' animals ARE. However, any animal that sleeps more than they're awake ''can't'' be good for the environment. 

Since the evolution of otters, things have been getting worse. Think about it: wouldn't things be better without otters ottering around all the damn time? EAT YOUR FISH AND [[G Rated Talking Animal Movie|SHUT UP]]!

==What I propose to do==
Now, I'm not saying we should kill all the otters: that's not [[words|proactive]]. I think we should, however, put them in work camps. Otters have had it [[good|''too good'']] for [[long|''too long'']]. Maybe, instead of [[fucking]] and swimming, and fucking up [[pool|swimming]] for the rest of us, they should just get jobs. 

I know what you're thinking: ''"But what if they take our jobs?"'' I say to thee, ''"don't worry!"'' They would do very poorly in office jobs and the like, and they could probably do only the most basic of manual labor, such as putting caps on bottles or something.

Otters have only one thing on their side: they're kinda cute. ''Don't lose your resolve!'' They are still the laziest god-damned things in the universe, including the [[WTF|Andromeda Galaxy]]! We should ''not'' allow these freaks of nature to hide out in zoos or rivers, or whatever! 

Oh shit, how is this gonna help me with my DAMNED 75 PAGE ESSAY?!?!

==The Physiognomy of the River Otter==
{{Wikipedia}}
In lieu of my 900 page essay, my discussion on otters should begin at the beginning. River otters, the first form of mammals, evolved over 800 million years ago from an advanced form of very lazy reptiles. Not to be confused with [[mouse|moose]], otters have few or no antlers of any kind whatsoever. Living in tightly nested social groups on the Sereingetthi grasslands of Africa, otters hunt in packs on [[gazelle]] and other medium sized game. Wait, wrong animal again. 

"Otter" from the [[India|Native American]] word meaning "<s>Are you just gonna sit there all day? I've got buffalo to catch and teepees to construct! Why don't you help me with ''that'' you dumb animal!</s> Slinky with fur", otters have been present in literature in various forms throughout history. Usually a symbolic animal for "dishonesty" and "laziness" (or playfulness!), the otter is the most hated, most ''evil'', animal in all history.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<font color=red><div style="margin-bottom:3em;"><center><big><big><big><big><big><big><big>'''D-'''</big></big></big></big></big></big></big></center></div></font>
<div style="font-family:cursive; color:red; text-align:center;">
<div><big>''Johnny,<br />the assignment was on <u>BADGERS</u>.''</big></div>
</div>
<br>
{{Animalia}}

[[Category:Furry]]
[[Category:Caniformia]]
[[Category:Mammals]]
[[Category:Things That You Wouldn't Think Are Evil, But Actually Are]]
[[Category:Underwater creatures]]
[[Category:FA Animals]]
[[Category:Articles written in the first person]]

{{FA|date=15 April 2008|revision=2945397}}

Templates used on this page:

Template:Animalia (view source)
Template:Animalia/stylesheet.css (view source)
Template:Cquote (view source) (protected)
Template:FA (view source) (protected)
Template:FA logo (view source) (protected)
Template:Infobox (view source) (protected)
Template:Link box (view source)
Template:NS (view source)
Template:Namespace (view source) (protected)
Template:Navbar (view source) (protected)
Template:Pull quote (view source) (protected)
Template:Simple navbar (view source)
Template:Simple navbox (view source)
Template:Simple navbox/styles.css (view source)
Template:Taxobox (view source)
Template:Taxobox/color (view source)
Template:Utility/styles.css (view source)
Template:Utility box (view source) (protected)
Template:Wikipedia (view source) (protected)
Template:Yesno (view source) (protected)
Module:Arguments (view source) (protected)
Module:Infobox (view source) (protected)
Module:Infobox/styles.css (view source)
Module:Navbar (view source) (protected)

Return to Otter.

Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Otter"

View source for Otter

Navigation menu

Search