UnNews:America: Oh, You mean 'Soccer'!

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

19 June 2010

Oh, THAT game...

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa -- Confusion that has plagued the United States for over a week has finally subsided as the connection between football and soccer has been made. An official statement was issued late Friday night, via blog, by avid-American, Gus Himmel, where he criticized the World Cup for "mistakenly labeling this sporting event football when it is obviously that other one... the one the gay guys play, where the "foot" bit is actually quite important; soccer!" He went on further to point out the differences between the two games citing "They don't wear gay short shorts in FOOTBALL, they wear manly padding instead (when their high body fat percentage would suffice), and heterosexually grope each other for four quarters."

This discovery has met mixed reactions among Americans. Some relieved that this blunder had been fixed. One anonymous man commented:

Despite the discovery however, most Americans remain unaware of how the World Cup works, or what a World Cup even is. When asked about the World Cup, American citizen Charles Amberlin responded "World Cup huh? That's that thing that Jesus drank his booze out of, wasn't it?" The ignorance of Americans does not stop only at the World Cup, another man, who requested to stay anonymous responded when asked about the home country of the cup this year, South Africa: "South Africa? Is that the place south of North Africa?"

 

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Your UnComprehensive Guide to the World of Football

	A compilation of all the players, goals, and injuries from the king of sports – bloody futbol. By the way, America, this is what real football looks like – stop with that "soccer" bullshit!
Organizations	Association football • FIFA • Fitba • Final Fantasy Football • Major League Soccer • Professional Footballers' Association
Players	Alan Hansen • Amadou Konte • Arjen Robben • Barry Ferguson • Christian Dailly • Craig Foster • David Beckham • David Icke • David James • Didier Drogba • Diego Maradona • Duncan Ferguson • Eden Hazard • Edgar Davids • Emile Heskey • Eric Cantona • Fernando Torres • Frank Lampard • Gabriel Agbonlahor • Gary Neville • Georgios Samaras • Gheorghe Hagi • Gordon Ramsay • Grzegorz Rasiak • Hertz Van Rental • Iker Casillas • Joey Barton • Kylian Mbappe • Lionel Messi • Mark Lawrenson • Michael Owen • Nwankwo Kanu • Paul Gascoigne • Paul Hartley • Pelé • Peter Crouch • Peter Schmeichel • Rio Ferdinand • Robert Green • Roberto Carlos • Robinho • Shimon Peres • Stern John • Steve Staunton • Steven Gerrard • Teddy Sheringham • Thierry Henry • Yuri Zhirkov • Zinedine Zidane
Executives	Alan Sugar • Alex Ferguson • Alex McLeish • Arsene Wenger • Avram Grant • Berti Vogts • Delia Smith • Elton John • Fabio Capello • Graham Poll • Harry Redknapp • Ian Holloway • Jose Mourinho • Lawrie Sanchez • Mick McCarthy • Owain Glyndwr's Footy Manager • Rafael Benítez • Ray Stubbs • Roy Keane • Sepp Blatter • Silvio Berlusconi • Steve McClaren • Sven-Göran Eriksson
Clubs & Leagues	*TeamName Abbr15 0 • A.S. Roma • AFC Ajax • A-League • Aston Villa F.C. • Biggleswade F.C. • Bolton Wanderers F.C. • Bristol City F.C. • Derby County FC • Dublin Drunken Popes • FC Frisco • Fulham F.C. • Greys Athletic F.C. • Leigh Genesis F.C. • Londres • Manchester City • Newcastle United • Norwich City F.C. • Pompeii F.C. • Sandwell Town • Seattle Sounders FC • Sunderland AFC • Sydney FC • Tartan Army • The Super League of Extraordinary Gentlemen • Tottenham Hotspur • Wigan Warriors BWIN Liga: Associação Académica de Coimbra – O.A.F. • SL Benfica • Club Sport Marítimo • Clube de Futebol Estrela da Amadora • Clube Desportivo Nacional • Paços de Ferreira • Vitória Guimarães • Vitória Setúbal Scottish Premier League: Aberdeen F.C. • A.C. Milan • Celtic F.C. • Falkirk F.C. • Glasgow Rangers • Heart of Midlothian FC • Hibernian F.C. • Inverness Caledonian Thistle • Old Firm
Events & Venues	Croft Park • FIFA Middle Earth Cup • Football War • The Ferguson-Wenger Wager • The Liverpool Beach Ball • The World Cup • UEFA Champions League • UnReviews:FIFA 10
Misc.	Anti-Football • Can Soccer • English Football Fans • Football (association football) • Football Focus • Football hooliganism • Football in India • Footy • Goal celebration • Grandmasterchampionship • Referee • Scottish Sports • Soccer mom • UnNews:America: Oh, You mean 'Soccer'! • UnNews:Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! • Vuvuzela

Sources[edit | edit source]

• "United States ties Slovenia; United States makes connection Soccer=Football" ESPN World Cup, June 18, 2010