I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green
I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green® is a brand of human flesh low in sodium, saturated fat, and trans fat. It is a popular condiment for people on the South Beach diet, though it predates the diet by decades.
The name comes from the marketing claims that the product has the same taste qualities as regular Soylent Green, but with the apparent "easy to spread" properties of margarine.
Invention[edit | edit source]
I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green® was invented and patented by German celebrity chef Armin Meiwes after investigating reports that regular Soylent Green, while high in protein, may be partially to blame for the growing obesity problem in Central Europe. After numerous tests with industrial blenders and fractional distillation columns and high-speed centrifuges, he came up with I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green®, which he described as "a healthy, low-fat meal... with all the benefits of real cannibalism and only half the calories." The German government was so impressed with his work that I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green® was made compulsory eating in all government-controlled school cafeterias. Several other countries have since followed suit.
“Soylent green is Oscar Wilde”
Advertising Campaign[edit | edit source]
German rock band Rammstein composed the song Mein Teil to promote I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green®. The song, which was nominated for a Grammy in the category of "Highest Bribe by a Metal Band", described I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green® as:
- just so well seasoned."
- and so nicely flambéed.
- and so lovingly served on porcelain.
- And with it, a good wine
- and gentle candlelight
- Yeah I'll take my time
- You've got to have some culture
Full lyrics here: [1].
Hannibal Lecter also reprised his oscar-winning role as cannibal Anthony Hopkins for the US ad campaign. These ads were targeted primarily at an elderly audience. In it, Hopkins said: "I'm pushing 65, and I still have fantasies about devouring the flesh of young people. My doctor told me that if I brutally murdered more people, I would risk another heart attack. That's why I choose I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green®".
It is also fair to mention here that they have launched a marketing campaign for the "I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green®" Little Oven in which little girls around the globe can make their own "I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green®." Parents are also exploring this as a way to encourage learning history as well as suggesting to their child's unlikable friend, "Why don't you go play Donner Party kids?"
•••••Your Guide To Cannibalism•••••Alfred Packer • Baby Eating • Baby farming • Baby food • Baby meat • Cannibal Corpse • Cannibalism • Cannibals • Celebrity Roast • Communion • Cunnilingus • Dinner Party • Fellatio • Fishing For Children • Flying Purple People Eater • G-Rex • Hannibal Lecter • HowTo Cook A Human • HowTo Cook Children • HowTo Cook A Fetus • Human head • I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green • McDahmer's • Meaty Amin • Mike Tyson • Nazi Eating • Recipes • Supergirl • Sweeney Todd • Uncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion Clinic • UnNews Cannibalism becoming increasingly popular • UnNews Cannibals Stopped • UnNews New TV Trend • UnNews Soylent Green Defamation • Vore • Wendigo • Why? Don't Be A Cannibal • Why? Eat People • Zombies
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