Borth

The sea, that's a thing.

Borth is the de facto metropolis of North Ceredigion, sprawling out towards the Ynyslas International Airstrip in the North, and the suburb of Aberystwyth in the South. Its importance on a global scale is noted by its various namesakes: The Borth-Davis Theory, Borth Syndrome, and the Borth Vole, amongst others. Its Animalarium has inspired the popularity of replica animal parks (elsewhere known as Zoos) around the country. Borth is well known as having been the original capital of Wales, until it was replaced by Cardiff, due to the violent Farmers’ Uprising of 1974. Historians claim Borth has always existed, and always will.

Amenities[edit | edit source]

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Borth.

Come the summer months, many hundreds of tourists flock to borth, for underwhelming temperatures, poor ice cream and a giant sense of why did we bother. Many rough families assemble here, indeed attracting talent spotters for the Jeremy Kyle Show.

The National Animalarium[edit | edit source]

The Animalarium attracts literally dozens of visitors each year. It holds the annual Wild Cat Hunt, a highlight of Borths cultural calendar, when a deadly animal (typically a lynx) is released into the community, with a prize offered for the successful capture of the beast. To this date, the animals have never been captured. It is thought they evade would-be prize winners by fleeing eastwards, towards the more tropical climate of Machynlleth. That theory would also explain Machynlleth’s unusually high rate of death by mauling, at least 5 times the national average.

Transport[edit | edit source]

Borth Central Station is one of five stations within the urban conglomeration, serving as the Welsh terminus of the Eurostar. The other main station towards the north of the borough is Dovey Junction, a station that survived the Beeching Cuts despite not serving any purpose whatsoever.

Holiday season[edit | edit source]

During the winter months, Borth hibernates and its inhabitants harvest the souls of any left behind children and reaps the money from a summer of tourism. Maybe they'll buy a bench, or a birdhouse... Of course this would only take place if they were granted the appropriate planning permission, which, knowing the government, will not happen.

Urban planning[edit | edit source]

The only thing holding the delicate, poorly distributed community of Borth together is it's unique linear structure. Imagine some skid marks which go striaght down the toilet, then you have an idea of what residents of borth wake up to everyday. Of course, if you lived there, you'd get used to it, much like worms get used to the damp, dingy and disgusting soil they have the misery of living in.