Before and after wannacry, lol

Raise your hand if you visit Devrant atleast before sleeping and after waking up.

"Perl – The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption." - Keith Bostic

Boss - gives tasks to me. Timeline: 10 days.

Me - work hard and finish the solution in 3 days.

Boss- wtf is this. Do it properly.

Me - chills for 15 days. Submit the same earlier solution after that.

Boss - yes this looks nice now! Much better than your earlier work!

Me - dude seriously what kind of stuff do you smoke before coming to work?

Today I met a girl who’s super cute, down to earth, smart, uses no social media, and games. I would normally wake up soon after such dreams, but this actually happened today. I asked her out before it was too late 😊

When I left the house to work abroad my mom called me.

Mom: “every time you touch the computer things change!”

Me: “I haven’t touched it in months, what’s the problem?”

Mom: “my google has changed, please put it like before!”

The same phone call, day after day, I couldn’t figure what she meant and she was getting pissed off.

Then I realized, it was just the google doodle...

Before you're hired:
1. A binary tree?
2. Currying?
3. Higher-order function?
4. How does event loop work?
5. What is prototype?
6. What is encapsulation?
7. Can you draw an algorithm?

After you're hired:
1. Hey, can you add auth token and login to our app?

Hope it's not a repost but this is brilliant... although putting it up in my office wouldnt change anything. Password123 was there before me and it'll be there after me.

Dev life chose me

Today let me see how much of a better HTML/CSS lecturer I had before. The new guy just does everything from W3Schools while the older one, after telling us the basics, just gave us .psd files and let us figure out what was what and we learned a lot from that.

The last two frontend devs I interviewed.

First:

He had 15 some years of experience, but couldn't answer our most basic of technical questions, we stopped asking after the first couple.

Based on a technical test I got the impression that he couldn't distinguish between backend and frontend.

So, I posed a simple question "Have you interfaced with REST API'S using Javascript before?"

Which lead him to talk about arrays. I shit you not he droned on about arrays for five minutes.

"I have experience using big array, small arrays, breaking big arrays into littler arrays and putting arrays inside other arrays."

Never been in an interview situation where I've had to hold back laughter before. We refer to him as the array expert.

His technical knowledge was lacking, and he was nervous, so he just waffled. I managed to ease his nerves and the interview wasn't terrible after that, but he wasn't what we were looking for.

Second:

This was a phone interview.

It started off OK he was clearly walking somewhere and was half preoccupied. Turns out he was on his way back from the shop after buying rolling papers (we'd heard him in the shop asking for Rizla), and he was preoccupied with rolling a joint.

We started asking some basic technical questions at which point he faked that he'd seen a fight in the street.

We then called him back five minutes later you could hear him smoking "ah, that's better". After that the interview was OK, not what we were looking for, but not bad.

Top tip: If you require a joint to get through a phone interview, roll and smoke it before hand.

Was already communicating with a recruiter and made her very clear (a gazillion times) that I don't want a Microsoft related job.

After a few months she calls me telling about this amazing opportunity; a Microsoft related job.

Told her what I told her fifteen quintillion times before and she responded very guilt trippy/offended because she spent so much time on working this out for me.

Fucking retarded and awkward.

After one year of procrastination I finally made the game with unity

Ladies and gentleman, spherical voronoi minesweeper

Yes, I made the game before with in c++ which looks quite shitty, but finally, unity

Me : "I want to remove this file"
Windows powershell : "No you can't"

Me : "I'd like to remove this file and then sort all my /home files in alphabetical order and rename all of then adding some text before and after there actual name"
Linux bash : "Ok. Done."

I was hired to build a small PHP site. The client was arrested and sentenced to jail time right before the third of four milestones was complete, so I didn't get paid any more after that. Didn't hear from him for over a year, then out of nowhere he wanted to pick up where we left off.

It's finished.

After switching between Fedora, Ubuntu, Debian, Manjaro, Antergos and a dozen WM's I've settled for Arch on the desktop.

Took me over a week of trial and error, but it's worth the pain for the level of control you get.

Switching to Linux reminded me much of trying to find out if I liked text editors or IDE's more when I first started programming. I changed tools every day before I settled.

Screenshots of course. Now to actually get back to my JDBC projects before I start obsessing over how to get all my apps on the terminal. :D

My boss asked me if he could smoke one before starting the interview. So I went down with him and lighted one up as well. Then we started to talk as if we were friends since years after I told him I like to drink alcohol from time to time (he asked :D) . Afterwards he just asked me if I know Java and stuff and I was like "sure ez pz". We still have drinking competitions on every company event. Best boss ever

Last half hour of last Friday my Cinnamon desktop started fucking up every time I booted after like 20 seconds of uptime.

Logs said something about xorg errors but after like 15 reboots I said fuck it.

Was quite nervous this morning because of that issue and possibly not being able to open a terminal for installing a different DE before everything started to get screwed again.

Booted up. No freezes. No errors. It just works.

I guess my computer needed weekend too 😋

New hire commit:

Message: Visual update

Gitlab: Showing 27 changed files with 21628 additions and 12296 deletions

Do I kill him before or after teaching him?

I hired a new developer after careful screening and interviewing many candidates.

First thing he's asking first day on the job
- I have already booked august month for holiday, is that a problem?
- I need to come 2 hours before anyone else in the morning and leave 2 hours before, everyday because I have things to do at home.
- I've seen that espn.com sport news are blocked by the firewall, why is that?
- I've installed bitTorrent on my PC but it's very slow downloading movies

I hope he's good.

Personal projects are the best.

Coming home after work.
Cooking diner and cleanup, dishwash stuff.
Giving some attention to partner.
Exercise, because you have been sitting all day.
And then the one hour that is left before you need to sleep. You fire up the project just to realize that you forgot what you have been doing. And start browsing devrant instead.

Great day. let's try again tomorrow.

Biggest terminal hack I've discovered till now which is so fucking obvious I can't believe I literally just started using it:

Executing the date command right before and after another command/series of commands to see how long shit takes.

$ date; command or commands; date

This is incredibly useful when rendering loads of data in screen sessions!

I actually feel rather retarded for only thinking of this now.

Rant rant = new Rant
rant.isRant = false // !!!

I woke up this morning after not thinking about my code for a day, and realized i had a flaw in my validation design. I fixed it before opening my eyes.

It's kind of amazing how not thinking about a problem can help solve it. Even if you don't know it's there!

I'm sure it's been said a million times before, and will be said a million times after, but:

*Right clicks website*
*Selects Inspect Element*
*Changes something for giggles*
...
*Someone sees over your shoulder*
"OMFG DID YOU JUST HACK THE INTERNET!"