Chapter Text
Park Jinyoung was 25 years old when he realized how fast life sped up as you got older. How he had only recently discovered that fact was baffling, but he took the information and processed it as best he could. It seemed like lifetimes ago that he was beginning his junior year of university, meeting a library assistant who couldn’t take a hint and would later steal his heart and become one of the most important people in his life. Of course, Jaebum wasn’t the only person who had some effect on him during that time; his best friend and former roommate Mark had lent his ear too many times to count, letting Jinyoung blow off steam, even if his assumptions were completely off-base. With Mark came Jackson, the energetic bubbly blond who was always around, surprising everyone with how in tune he could be with the world around him.
After he and Jaebum had celebrated the holiday together and returned to school, Jinyoung felt like he was in heaven, using his strict rule of never putting forth more effort than necessary when it came to his classes, focusing most of his attention back on Jaebum. It was a honeymoon stage written for the movies, Jinyoung feeling like an entirely new person as he gradually spent more and more time at Jaebum’s apartment, his things slowly taking up residence in the small space, waking up in Jaebum’s arms or falling asleep while watching a movie together on the couch. It was comfortable and Jinyoung felt at ease, like things should have always gone that smoothly, boyfriend or not. But if it weren’t for Jaebum, Jinyoung would never have realized any of that, perpetually stuck in his own ways, doomed to never break the habits.
As expected, Mark was set to live with Jackson the next year, Jinyoung gathering all of his courage to ask Jaebum to officially move in, but receiving a key before he could even spit out a rushed suggestion, the older boy already made aware of the situation and what he wanted to happen next. After the semester had ended, Jinyoung took up a job for the summer at the coffee shop on campus, proving to his parents he was going to be okay on his own. They reluctantly agreed, praising Jaebum for instilling a new work ethic into Jinyoung, able to pull enough to share the rent on their shared apartment, moving the rest of his belongings in during the hot summer months. Just as Jaebum had suggested, Jinyoung placed his thriving cactus on the windowsill in the kitchen, looking like it belonged there all along.
Jaebum and Mark graduated together, Jackson openly weeping at how proud he was of both of them but especially Mark, feeling like they had come so far since their blind meeting not even a year before. While Jackson hollered and clapped until his palms turned red, Jinyoung sat peacefully as he watched Jaebum cross the stage, the older boy’s gaze able to spot Jinyoung in an instant without even trying, their eyes locking together and sharing a knowing glance that had become their trademark. Jinyoung knew that it was foolish to feel so crazy about someone so quickly, but he was finally happy and if Mark and Jackson could act this way, so could he, only he preferred to internalize all of the emotions building up inside.
While Jinyoung worked part time, Jaebum and Mark wasted no time in starting their own business together, having no interest in working for anyone else but themselves. Between the two of them, they had enough experience and knowledge to create their own photography company, making themselves available for hire for weddings, birthdays, graduations… basically anything someone would ask of them. It had started very slowly, Jaebum constantly sitting around at his desk frustrated with the lack of offers coming in, but once one of their old professors from the college had hired them for a faculty event, word spread quickly through the community, allowing them to finally have a set schedule and routine, filling up their calendar weeks at a time. Jinyoung noticed how relaxed Jaebum became as he finally was able to soak up his craft, no longer going a week without showering or forgetting to bring in the mail from outside. He was making something of himself and Jinyoung was almost jealous, still working pitiful hours as a barista.
Between both of their jobs, Jinyoung and Jaebum did manage to take some time for themselves outside of living together, taking trips to the beach or crashing the same parties Jinyoung constantly attended the summer previous, now able to relax in the corner with his significant other, escaping to a private room once the alcohol had flushed through his veins. Their relationship was going so well, it almost felt too easy, but Jinyoung never minded, still in a state of constant bliss, his personal, social, and romantic endeavors finally falling in line with one another.
Jinyoung began his senior year in the same mindset, loving his newfound freedom and ability to balance many things at once, but the added pressure of finishing his college career threw everything off balance, forcing Jinyoung to return back to some old habits. He wasn’t surprised when he started procrastinating on papers and assignments, waiting until hours before they were due to even read the requirements, but even Jaebum knew things weren’t going right when Jinyoung began to skip classes, blaming it on the fact that Jaebum was too handsome in the mornings so he couldn’t possibly leave bed, or wanting to tag along to help Mark and Jaebum with a client’s requests, handling the equipment easier than he could his impending midterms.
While things may have been messy academically, Jinyoung was becoming more accepting of Jackson as a personal friend rather than a forced one, meeting up with him for lunch between classes (when he went) and texting him without any connection to Mark. Having more friends than Mark alone was something Jinyoung genuinely appreciated, even if he wasn’t always surrounding himself with them. Just knowing that he could count on one or two more people meant the world to him, allowing him to seem a bit more outgoing and accepting of college social life.
Even with his track record slightly tarnished from his lack of work ethic, Jinyoung made it through his senior year, graduating alongside Jackson, their boyfriends in the spots they sat in one year ago exactly. It was more bittersweet that time around because the university was something that kept them all together, one central location they could find themselves at. But Mark wasn’t sure where Jackson’s career would take him and Jinyoung had a ton of questions to answer himself, leaving everything between their core group a little uncertain. If Jinyoung had known that he would be finishing school and pining for some of its natural routines outside of classes, he would have laughed, never imagining himself giving a shit about anything but himself. However, back then he didn’t have friends outside of Mark like Jackson, and there was certainly no one named Jaebum around.
Time slowly moved forward, Jinyoung interviewing and accepting a position at a hospital near their apartment, starting in an assistant role, in charge of filing and data upkeep. It wasn’t his dream job by any means, and he hardly felt like he needed his degree to achieve employment there, but he needed something stable as Jaebum had already established himself in the community with Mark and their business. Jinyoung wanted to feel like he was contributing, like he was trying to become more than a graduate working at a coffee shop, putting in lots of hours to meet how much he would need for rent and other bills, the true feeling of becoming an adult sinking into his head. Around that same time, Jackson also accepted an offer to join a PR firm, becoming one of their rising stars in their consumer-facing sector, his outgoing and friendly nature perfect for delivering their word to the masses, good or bad.
Mark had been so proud of Jackson for excelling so much so quickly, suggesting that they make things a bit more permanent by moving in together - by buying a house. Jinyoung was shocked at the news, not necessarily for them moving in together, but for how final something like that seemed, the idea of sharing and owning a property together something that Jinyoung could barely understand even though he and Jaebum had been together for almost as long as they had. It had taken him longer to see what was already in his heart, but Jinyoung didn’t think that mattered, ranting to Jaebum at night about how Mark was acting irrationally and that he couldn’t understand why people rushed into making such lavish decisions. Jaebum could only roll his eyes, biting his tongue as Jinyoung wouldn’t stop his tirade, not taking anyone’s feelings into account but his own.
However, Jaebum had a big purchase to make shortly after, trading in his old well-loved sedan for a sleek SUV, needing the extra space and storage for his equipment he needed to work anywhere in the surrounding areas. Jinyoung took this news the hardest, scolding Jaebum for going without him, wanting to have one last ride in the car that felt like his own, the seat never moving from his perfect spot, the radio buttons fading from constant use. It was the car they had taken everywhere, from their impromptu trips downtown, to ones in secluded parks where Jinyoung had no problem wedging his body between Jaebum and the steering wheel. It had meant a little too much to him, Jaebum taking his sharp-tongued complaints with a grain of salt, already knowing why Jinyoung would be upset to say goodbye to a piece of junk.
But that was how Jinyoung worked. He had grown to understand what it took to be in a relationship, but he was still selfish, getting jealous when Jaebum’s schedule was almost too full, watching as he was able to upgrade everything in his life, leaving Jinyoung to begrudgingly accept that Jaebum wasn’t the poor art student he knew a few years ago. They were growing up faster than ever and Jinyoung tried his best to keep up, ultimately feeling inferior more than he should. Progress to move up from his current position at the hospital was taking longer than expected, the positions above him remaining full no matter how many times he had tried to network his way in. His frustrations showed in his job, almost sinking back into his bad habits from his college days, Jaebum having to step in to remind him that there was no safety net anymore, that he had to try, not just for himself, but for everything to work between them. Jinyoung knew he was right, but at what cost? Was this all worth it in the end? Was this what Jinyoung had to look forward to every day of his working life until he died?
Dramatic. So. Fucking. Dramatic. Hey, at least something is consistent, right?
Even though there was always something happening, always something getting in the way professionally, Jinyoung always had Jaebum. From sneaking around the dusty back corners of the library after hours during Jaebum’s last week of work, completely naked and maybe a little drunk, to their more sophisticated dinners with Jaebum’s parents who were even more inspired and creative than Jaebum himself, they always had each other over the years, exploring and learning to understand each other along the way. There were constant trips to local parks, Jaebum letting Jinyoung use his newer digital equipment when he could, capturing the scenery like they did when they were still taking classes. Road trips were still one of their favorite pastimes, even in Jaebum’s too-shiny new car, Jinyoung finally able to listen to the many playlists Jaebum had crafted over the years. While college parties finally fizzled out, Jaebum introduced Jinyoung to a new circle of acquaintances he met in his line of work, often attending posh parties with hors d'oeuvres and wine, Jinyoung sneaking a flask of something stronger in his pocket.
But it was when they would come home, hands a little too needy, mouths basically stuck together, that Jinyoung would feel his best, nothing able to top the feeling of being with Jaebum that way. It had crossed his mind a few months into their relationship that if this were to last, Jaebum would be his only partner the rest of his life, initially sending a small wave of shock from his brain to his groin. But Jaebum never gave him a reason to think he could be missing something outside of what he could offer, the two of them basically trying anything they could. One of Jinyoung’s favorite memories was finally taking Jaebum up on the offer of letting him photograph him in the nude, using their bedroom as the set, Jaebum’s equipment barely fitting in the tiny room. He remembered feeling nervous even though it was the most familiar space in the world, Jaebum teasing him for acting like it was a big deal when it wasn’t, all for his boyfriend and the camera. Everything went smoothly that night and Jinyoung couldn’t even pretend to be upset when he learned that Jaebum left the camera recording as they went from modeling to fucking, blushing at the thought of watching it together at a later date.
Jaebum had taught Jinyoung what love was without explicitly doing so, allowing the younger boy to find himself along the way. There was no way anyone could force Jinyoung into acting a certain style or saying cliche things. He was an independent person who found himself falling for someone who was the definition of patient, someone who knew when to give Jinyoung space or when to rush right over. It was a learning curve that Jinyoung had mastered, becoming the best man he could be, allowing himself to feel something for once instead of shoving it away, regretting the chance to be anything at all.
Park Jinyoung was 25 years old when he left work that night, tossing his messenger bag into the passenger seat of his gently used car, checking his phone for any notifications, his lock screen completely blank. Sighing deeply, he turned the engine on, putting the car in reverse to head to his parent’s house for dinner, a tradition he liked to keep to always stay in touch, regardless of what was going on in his life. It was always comforting to return home to a warm meal, everything already set and ready, familiar smells sinking into his clothing every visit. The drive back felt longer than normal, Jinyoung’s stomach rumbling with hunger as he barely ate his lunch, preferring to doze off on the couch in the employee’s lounge, catching up on lost sleep.
Soon enough, Jinyoung pulled into the driveway, a soft glow from the lamp in the window putting his stomach to ease as he stepped out, nearly jogging to the door and knocking once before heading inside, going straight into the kitchen where his mom was putting the finishing touches on their dinner. A quick hug and kiss later, Jinyoung was tasked with setting the table, getting everyone something to drink before his dad joined them, the three of them sitting together and beginning to eat, Jinyoung’s smile on his face showing appreciation for the food and company.
“Are you getting excited?” Jinyoung’s mother asked, smiling as she placed her wine glass on the table. “I can’t believe Mark’s big day is coming so soon!”
“I know,” Jinyoung smiled and shrugged, picturing Mark and Jackson’s surprisingly sophisticated wedding invitation in his head. “He calls me all the time. I guess Jackson is a bit of a control freak.”
“Well, weddings are stressful for everyone,” his mother replied warmly, putting another serving of food on his plate. “Ask your father, he knows.”
“Please don’t ask me,” his dad groaned, chuckling under his breath. “I prefer to remember the good times, thank you.”
Jinyoung laughed himself, knowing he had always taken after his father more than his mom, feeling like if he were in the same situation, he would be the same way. It wasn’t that he was surprised Mark and Jackson were getting married - anything but, honestly. They had been together for over four years, living together for most of it, and it was simply a formality to have a party to celebrate everything they had been and would be forever, one trip to the courthouse included. It was sickeningly sweet, but Jinyoung couldn’t help but admire what they had, knowing it had taken the stars and moon themselves to put the two men together, soulmates without question.
After dinner, Jinyoung stayed for dessert, even helping his mom with the dishes and clean up duties, spending some time with his dad watching television and catching up since his last visit. It wasn’t his home anymore, but it would always feel like one, everything so comforting, the many frames along their mantle still showing his evolution from bratty preteen to semi-adjusted adult with a job and a degree. Nothing had changed since he lived here, or possibly since before he started university, and he hoped it would always be a constant in his life when things seemed to always be changing, constantly searching for that stability he never knew he needed.
As it grew darker, Jinyoung said his goodbyes and took his leftovers, enough for a small army, to the car, honking once before he was on his way, driving carefully back to his current home. The car was quiet, radio turned down low so he could get lost in his own thoughts, thinking of what home meant to him nowadays. It wasn’t a long drive, but it felt different enough, nearly missing his street and complex, pulling into a parking space before walking into his building. Reminding him of his dorm he shared with Mark, Jinyoung took the steps quickly, walking to the door number he knew quite well, unlocking the door and stepping inside.
In the center of the room was a couch facing a television set, a messy coffee table with a variety of remotes on top. Against the wall was a small table for two, chairs pushed in and a few coffee cups that had been abandoned the past few days. The kitchen was nearly pristine, not a dish in sight, only a few bags of snacks along the edge next to a coffee maker, light blinking to indicate that the time needed to be reset. Jinyoung placed his leftovers in the bare refrigerator, only a small carton of milk and a few bottles of beer inside, making a mental note of things to buy soon. Taking a few steps into the bedroom, Jinyoung tossed his bag onto the floor before flopping back onto the mattress, staring up at the ceiling before closing his eyes.
If it felt like his apartment was empty, Jinyoung had no excuses. It was empty because he lived there, alone, all by himself. It wasn’t the apartment he and Jaebum had turned into a home together, Jinyoung moving from that place he had grown so fond of less than three years after moving in. There were no photos on the walls, no prize winning prints or canvases splashed with color. Jinyoung had a window in his kitchen, but there was no cactus to be found, his gift getting caught in the crosshairs of an argument that seemed justified at the time, but petty in retrospect. Beyond the tiny trinkets and inanimate objects that turn a house into something that feels like a home, there was no Jaebum. That was life and Jinyoung had to deal with it, no matter what.
Whether or not Jinyoung would admit it was his fault that things went so wrong, well, he was never quick to confess.
Keep telling yourself it was mutual. That seems to be working well. Idiot.