Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It all starts with a tweet.

Well, to be completely honest it starts with a sneeze.

Harry had spent most of the day on vocal rest, dozing on the couch in his dressing room, sucking down more Lemsip than was probably healthy. Between all the flying and subsequent interviews the band was doing to promote their new album, Harry had managed to pick up a nasty cold. He’d been all but exiled from his other band members in an attempt to control the spread of his illness.

He hadn’t even seen another human being outside of one of the band’s assistants since early this morning. The band had done a quick interview and performance on Good Morning America where Harry had coughed his way through a few songs before being whisked away to their Madison Square Garden performance dressing room.

This is supposed to be their big night. The official kick off to the band’s nine-month world tour. It’s the end of August and Sonic Boom’s second album, Midnight Memories, has been out for just over three weeks and has held the number one spot on the charts in over 15 countries. It’s kind of insane to think about, given that just a year and a half ago Harry was sitting in a classroom in Cheshire trying to sleep away sixth form.

So, it’s their big night, but he hasn’t been allowed within 15 feet of Zayn or Liam in the past 24 hours except for when they were sitting on the red couch on the GMA stage this morning. He wasn’t even allowed to rehearse with them for their gig tonight, which is why he’s in his dressing room right now. Alone.

The tour medic had brought Harry several packets of Lemsip two days ago when he had first started feeling ill. Apparently, he had brought the medicine from the UK, foreseeing an event like this happening. Harry had nearly drowned himself in the medicinal tea today, but it hadn’t really achieved anything other than making Harry have to pee like crazy. He’d had an exceptionally awkward run in with the band assistant who had the unfortunate task of dealing with a sick Harry on one of his many trips to the loo today. He hadn’t realized she was walking in the dressing room and she hadn’t realized that Harry tends to forget to lock restroom doors. He laughed it off for her sake, but he really isn’t expecting her to come back anytime soon.

So he is truly taken off guard when he hears a knock at his dressing room door. Looking at his watch he sees that there is still at least 2 hours before the concert begins, so he doesn’t really need to even think about getting his hair done or pulling on proper clothing for at least another hour and a half.

He wants to call out for whomever it is to go away, but he is supposed to be trying to save his voice so he reluctantly gets up from the couch. He’s rubbing his nose as he approaches the door. It’s been constantly itching for the last couple of days, which is really quite annoying truth be told. He starts biting his tongue in an attempt to quell his sinuses when he opens the door.

He’s not really sure whom he was anticipating, but he absolutely 100% wasn’t expecting a petite boy with screaming blue eyes as wide as saucers to be on the other side of the door. Harry’s sure his own face is mimicking the strangers as he realizes that a fan has definitely made his way all the way to his dressing room.

Harry’s stuck in a state of shock, certain that his mouth has dropped open. He hopes the cough drop he’d been sucking on hasn’t fallen out. That would be embarrassing.

“Hi.” The stranger says in a complete state of shock. “You’re Harry Styles.” And well, Harry nods because he’s not quite sure what else to do. Harry fish mouths a few times before opening his mouth to speak. He truly intends to be nice, perhaps sign a photo and take a picture before calling security to call this dedicated fan away.

Instead what happens is the sneeze he had been willing away for nearly five minutes finally erupts out of his sinuses.

All over the beautiful mysterious man in front of him.

It happens so quick that Harry hasn’t even had time to apologize and barely mutters an “oops” when all the sudden there’s a blonde beside the blue eyed man who is now furiously wiping his face on his sleeve.

“Oi!” The blonde is breaking the silence the two boys had been in with a very pronounced Irish accent. It is also making this encounter seem much more real than it had seconds before. “You found him, Lou.”

The blonde man is slightly taller than the brunette- Lou- and he seems much more excited to see Harry.

“Lou, is it?” Harry says, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. It’s rough and hoarse from disuse all day. Clearing his throat he tries again. “How did you get in here?”

“We work here.” The blonde cuts off Lou before he can speak. “We work in concessions.” Harry raises an eyebrow, not sure if he believes the story. They both are clearly not Americans. “We’ve spent the summer in America.” The Irish man continues to spout as Harry’s brain starts spinning. Lou isn’t saying anything, rather just staring at Harry with his weirdly blue eyes. “Wanted to see if it was as fun as the movies make it seem.”

“So naturally you picked New York City.” Harry says, playing along for now.

“Of course. We watched the entire series of Friends last semester in preparation, and, I mean, Gossip Girl, anybody?” The blonde says, sticking his hand out. “I’m Niall and this is Louis.” He says pointing to the man next to him. “We study at Leeds but took the summer to explore New York City.”

“So you two came to America for the summer and got jobs at Madison Square Garden?” Harry tries to keep the doubt out of his tone, but he thinks it’s probably fairly obvious he doesn’t believe them. He also thinks it’s probably pretty obvious how sick he is as his voice continues to get hoarser. He really shouldn’t be talking.

“That’s exactly what we did.” Louis says, speaking up for the first time since he said Harry’s name. “My step dad has some family out here and they had connections at MSG. You don’t have to be rich and famous like you in order to be successful in other countries.” His tone has a bit of a bite to it, which is honestly a bit surprising to Harry.

“Okay.” He throws his hands in the air, wondering why no one has shown up to rescue him from this incredibly awkward encounter. He normally can’t be alone for more than two seconds. “Listen, can I just sign something for you and then you two leave and forget about where this dressing room is?” He’s trying to be nice, and given the circumstances he thinks that he’s being overly gracious. He’s sick and stuffy and just wants to sleep until he has to drag himself on stage tonight.

Louis’ facial expression changes from offended to bored. “A signature?” His voice sounds disgusted. “You think we found you, for a signature?” He actually starts laughing and Harry is incredibly confused. “Niall, he thinks we’re fans.”

Now Harry’s a bit irritated. “That’s why most people search for my dressing room, yeah.”

“Sorry, just can’t quite get myself to get on board with a band whose claim to fame is a song highlighting women’s insecurities.” Louis says with a huff, crossing his arms.

“Excuse me?” If he was irritated before, now Harry’s down right offended. The song may be over played on the radio and he understands how it can become slightly annoying, but he’s not going to let some arrogant man tear down all the hard work the band has done like this.

Harry is just thinking of the perfect way to word his comeback when Niall speaks up. “Listen, I love the song. I’m a huge fan.” Niall says sweetly, putting a hand over his heart. “Have been since you put your first album out.” He bites his lips, shooting a look at Louis when he snorts before continuing. “Regardless, we aren’t here to debate the meaning of your greatest hit.” He pauses and looks at the ground while continuing. “So, we kinda sorta made a bet with the other staff here.” Niall explains quickly. “If we found your dressing room and got a picture with you we would get box seats to the Knicks game tomorrow night.”

Harry isn’t quite sure how to respond to this.

“So can we just get the picture?” Louis asks, now a bit of irritation in his tone. “We’ve got about 15,000 of your biggest fans downstairs and I really don’t fancy getting in trouble for skimping out on work.”

Harry swallows harshly against his sore throat before speaking. Turning to Niall he smiles sweetly. “Niall, I’d be happy to get a picture with you.”

Harry moves closer to the blonde, hesitant to put an arm around him. Niall quickly pulls him in and squishes their faces together before snapping a selfie.

“Thanks, mate. You have no idea how sick this game is going to be. I’ve never been a big fan of basketball, but America’s corrupted me in more ways than one.” He sighs like he’s angry with himself but then smiles. Harry starts laughing, but it quickly turns into coughing. “I’ll be watching your concert tonight, I hope you don’t feel too poorly.” Niall says sympathetically as he pats the man’s back gently.

Harry gives a genuine smile back, catching his breath. “I’ve been resting all day, I’ll be fine for tonight.” He says confidently, even though his congested voice is a bit betraying. His hand goes to the door handle. “I’m just going to try to catch a quick nap before the show.” He says, trying to politely tell his guests to leave.

“Wait.” Louis’ pitchy British accent sounds like grating metal to Harry’s ears. “I’m the one who found you. I get a fucking picture too.”

This time Harry doesn’t try to make his smile genuine. “I only take pictures with fans, Louis. I’m sure you understand.” He starts closing the door as Niall bursts out laughing and Louis starts sputtering.

“You idiot. You sneezed on me.” Harry can see the incredulous look on his face. “I’m going to get proper ill on my last few days of summer holiday and you won’t even help me get to the Knicks game as repayment?”

Harry doesn’t even respond, simply closing the door and returning to his blanket cocoon on the couch. He’s usually not rude to people, especially those who work at the venues they play at. He has this thing where he always likes to stay on karma’s good side.

Louis was rude first though, he reasons with himself as he pulls the covers up to his chin. Pretty soon he doesn’t even hear Louis’ protests anymore. He doesn’t even get upset when he realizes he left the lights on. He just throws an arm over his eyes and hopes he’ll get a good nap in before the show.

He must fall in a light doze because the next think he registers is another knock on his door. Harry opens his eyes and sits up, staring at it warily, not wanting to have another confrontation like the one earlier. Thankfully, this time though the intruders open the door on their own. A head of nearly white hair peaks around the corner.

“Harry.” A soft voice calls out to him. It’s Lou, the band’s hairdresser, holding a black case in one hand and a toddler in the other.

Harry groans and flops back down on the sofa.

“Come on, love.” She says encouragingly. “It’s your big night. I have to make you gorgeous.”

“’m already gorgeous.” Harry grumbles into the couch cushion.

“Glad to see that your modesty and humility are still in tact even if the rest of your body is failing a bit.” She jokes and she begins setting up her tools. She lets the wiggling toddler out of her arms who makes a beeline for Harry.

“Hazzy.” She calls out right before she jumps on the couch.

“Luxy.” Harry tries to say with the same enthusiasm. The toddler instantly picks up on his somber mood though, calming immediately and settling herself on top of Harry’s stomach. Harry has his hands resting on his chest, so she busies herself playing with the rings and bracelets he’s wearing while he gets a few more minutes of silence.

“H, you’ve got to get up.” Lou finally says once she’s gotten everything spread out on the table.

He tries to clear his throat and beg for five more minutes when he starts coughing. He has to withdraw his hands from Lux to cover his mouth, lest he get the entire crew sick on the first night of the tour. That has disaster written all over it.

After the coughing fit settles down, Harry finally starts to get up, Lux gesturing for him to take her with him to the chair her mum has ready for Harry. Harry picks her up, but his arms feel unusually weak as he walks the short distance across the room.

He can actually feel sweat beading around his hairline as he sinks into Lou’s chair. He closes his eyes as Lux gets settled in his lap. He’s trying not to be alarmed with how out of breath he feels when Lou finally breaks the silence.

“Still feeling poorly?” Harry nods, pinching his fingers around the bridge of his nose. “Only you would get sick the night of your first concert.” She jokes as she finger combs his hair.

Harry tries to smile at her joke, knowing that it’s definitely true. Out of the three boys, he’s always been the sickly one. He’d had asthma as a kid, always having to sit out when Zayn and Liam would play footie at recess. He’d grown out of it in recent years, but still finds himself using his inhaler when he’s sick like this. His asthma is probably the main reason why he started focusing on music as early as he did though. He chooses to see it as a silver lining.

“You probably shouldn’t have brought Lux in here.” Harry rasps, opening his eyes as the little girl giggles at the mention of her name. “The last thing you need is a sick toddler.”

Lou meets his eyes in the mirror. “Honestly, she’s probably the reason you’re sick anyway.” Harry shrugs, he still hangs out with the little girl even if she constantly gets him ill. “And you aren’t supposed to be talking.” Lou scolds. Harry holds up his hands in surrender and spends the rest of his time getting ready watching silly YouTube videos with Lux.

Laughing doesn’t count as talking, right?

An hour later when he meets up with Liam and Zayn for the first time since their GMA performance that morning he’s starting to regret the laughing. His throat is beyond sore, his nose is running, and he’s nearly 95% sure that the tightness he feels in his chest every time he breathes isn’t normal.

“They’ve got an inhaler for you, right?” Liam asks, as he gets his first good luck at his ill friend. Harry throws him a look and doesn’t answer. “You’re literally out of breath from walking from your dressing room.”

Harry finally gives in. “Yes, there’ll be an inhaler on stage.” He coughs into his hands and purposefully avoids eye contact with his band mates as the final preparations for the show take place.

“You sure you’re all right?” Zayn says a few minutes later as the trio walks from their holding room backstage to the spot where they will make their first entrance.

“I’ll manage.” Harry says, trying to sound confident. “And then I’m going to sleep for about 100 years.”

“Can you maybe cut it down to 4 days?” Zayn jokes. “We kind of have this world tour starting tonight, and our next performance is in London four days from now. I’d kind of like to have you on stage with us.”

Harry gives a cheeky grin. He can do this. The three boys stand in a circle and put their hands in on top of one another’s as they are handed microphones.

“We’ve got this, lads.” Liam calls confidently.

The roar of the crowd is unbelievable and slightly deafening. The reality of what they are about to do is setting in, and suddenly Harry's hand's are shaking.

Harry knows they got lucky with the success of their first album. One of the songs was played on the series finale of a popular American TV show last May, and suddenly the band had exploded. They had a growing fan base in England at the time, performing at venues all over the country. However, once America had accepted Sonic Boom, their status as an international boy band had been cemented.

The reception to Midnight Memories has been incredible, earlier that morning at GMA the crowd was record breaking and the fans had screamed the lyrics back to them as they sang. However, tonight is the night. Sonic Boom finally gets to show the world that they aren't a one hit wonder. It's all just a bit overwhelming, to be honest.

Adrenaline is racing through Harry’s veins, making every part of his body feel like it’s on fire. Taking a deep breath, Harry tries to calm his racing heart. “Let’s rock it.” Harry says as they step onto the stage.

The concert is perfect.

Sure, Harry’s sick and chugs countless water bottles throughout the performance, making him have to stop to pee enough times for Liam to make three jokes about it. Harry doesn’t even care.

The fans are incredible. They scream and sing and don’t let the energy in MSG diminish for even a second for the two hour set. Harry can feel himself fading about half way through, but pulls through with the fans continual encouragement surrounding him.

It isn’t until the end of the night that Harry’s voice actually seriously starts to give out. He isn’t able to sing their final two songs, which is a real bummer given that one of them is their newest single and the other is the song that brought them to international fame to begin with. He figures that if he can’t sing he can use that energy and oxygen to dance an absolute fool on stage.

He’s gone to the side stage and is scanning the audience when he sees a familiar shade of bleached hair. He finds himself smiling as he makes eye contact with Niall. Harry gives him a wave, which causes the other boy to start jumping up and down, waving like a maniac. Harry lets his eyes leave Niall and starts searching for the blue eyes that have haunted him all afternoon.

He isn’t surprised when he doesn’t see Louis. He made it very clear that he wasn’t a fan. He’s used to people not liking his band, there are thousands of articles online stating why Sonic Boom is absolute rubbish. Harry’s certainly learned over the past year how important it is to let negative opinions roll off your back.

However, as he continues to scan the audience members around Niall, Harry can’t help feeling a bit of glee when he finally makes out Louis’ shape sitting in the chair next to Niall. He’s clearly not into the performance, paying more attention to his phone than the sold out concert he’s currently attending. And suddenly, Harry’s angry. How dare that man seek out his dressing room, openly insult him to his face, and then blatantly disrespect the band during their concert.

Doesn’t he know how many fans couldn’t get tickets to the show? Why would he waste the seat when he knows he won’t enjoy it?

Harry prides himself on being a lover and not a fighter, so he isn’t sure what comes over him when Louis looks up from his phone and is suddenly making eye contact with Harry. Louis has a bit of a surprised look on his face, which immediately turns to almost insulted when Harry flips him off. He doesn’t mean to do it, and he drops his hand immediately once he realizes what he’s doing. He quickly runs over to the center of the stage again and tries to harmonize with his fellow band mates on the final chorus of the song.

His voice cracks and he playfully throws his hands in the air and gives a bow. The audience goes wild as the song finishes and Harry takes a final bow with the other two boys before they run backstage.

“We killed it, lads.” Liam says as he runs a towel across his sweat damp face.

“Awesome kick off for sure.” Zayn agrees.

Harry only nods, still a bit in shock at his behavior on stage.

“You alright, Haz?” Zayn asks, as the trio walk back to their dressing rooms.

Harry nods, clearing his throat before speaking. “Exhausted.” He rasps.

Zayn winces at the sound of his voice. “Let’s get you some Lemsip.” He suggests which causes Harry to start laughing. Zayn’s looking at him like he’s crazy, but as he tells the awkward encounter with the assistant from this afternoon to his band mates Harry quickly forgets about the shorter man with the blue eyes who dislikes his music.

And that should have been it.
~

Louist95: When @HarryStyles gets you sick and your knob of a friend won’t give you the tickets to the Knicks game that you won… #worstdayever

Louist95: And we are flying home tomorrow, a bitch of a cold on a 10-hour plan ride 10,000 feet in the air. Thank you @HarryStyles.

~

Harry takes a deep breath in and is more than elated that he can breathe without the aid of medication for the first time in nearly a week. The band has been back in England for three days and he’s not ashamed to admit that he’d guilted his mum into meeting him at his flat in London when he’d gotten home. His mum always jokes about how she lost the ability to baby him through his final year of school, so she had taken full advantage of the opportunity now.

Harry’s spent the past three days eating homemade soup and getting back rubs while watching his favorite TV shows. He can’t seem to let himself watch Friends though, which actually makes him feel quite disappointed in himself. He’s absolutely positive that Louis isn’t still thinking about him three days later.

That is until he gets on social media for the first time since he’d left America. He’d all but abandoned his phone once he got home, his favorite people knowing where to find him if they really needed him. But as he shuts the door, sending him mum on her way back to Cheshire, he flops onto the couch and opens Twitter. He’s had his notifications off for the past year since the band got big, so he gets no warning about the tornado explosion that is his Twitter page. As he starts reading he sees that most of the tweets are sweet wishes of good health and luck on the tour.

He realizes that most of the tweets aren’t only addressed to him though. His heart skips a beat and his stomach does that weird flip floppy thing as he realizes that nearly the entire page of tweets is addressed to a Louist95 as well.

“This can’t be happening.” Harry murmurs as his thumb hovers over the Twitter handle. He pushes it and sees that Louis has several thousand followers, which is interesting. He certainly didn’t seem like the type to have a large following on Twitter. His prickly disposition seems like enough to repel any decent humans.

Scrolling through Louis’ page he sees that Louis’ last tweets were from three days ago.

“Shit, I actually got that fucker sick.” Harry says, smiling beside himself. He knows it’s wrong to wish sickness on anyone, but if he had to get someone sick he’s happy that it’s Louis.

Harry spends about three minutes gloating about the fact that karma certainly got to Louis. He decides to follow Louis just for kicks, frowning when he sees that the man doesn’t follow him. He’s over it pretty quickly though, and is trying to think of a clever tweet for their concert tonight in London when he gets notified that the page he is on can be refreshed. Curious, he clicks on the button and sees Louis’ latest tweet.

Gasping, Harry’s eyes widen as he reads the tweet over a few times.

Louis had retweeted a tweet from the official Sonic Boom twitter account.

SonicBoom: Sorry about that, @Louist95! Harry has a knack of spreading germs. Come to the concert tonight in London on us. #MidnightMemories #O2

Harry shakes his head as he processes what actually just happened. Louis wouldn’t come to the show, there’s absolutely no way he would purposefully come to another show. That thinking alone calms Harry down, although he has no idea as to why he’s so nervous about it in the first place.

Harry gets notified that Louis has tweeted again as he sits in disbelief. Like watching a car accident happen, Harry feels like he has to refresh the page.

Louist95: Guess we know which one is his favorite @Nialleerxx. Don’t hate that you aren’t me.

Harry grins at the thought of Niall and clicks to go to his page. He instantly follows Niall, smiling when he notices that Niall already follows him. He scrolls down and sees that Niall had tweeted Louis just moments earlier.

Nialleerxx: What the hell, @Louist95? You don’t even like @SonicBoom!!

Harry knows that tweeting either one of them is going to get him in trouble. However, just like he couldn’t stop himself from flipping Louis off at the concert, Harry can’t seem to stop his fingers as he taps out a reply.

HarryStyles: @Nialleerxx you know I’d pick you, in fact I am. DM me if you’re in London. #seeyouattheO2

And just because he truly is a child he tweets Louis too.

HarryStyles: Don’t worry about the concert, @Louist95, I know you’re probably feeling too poorly to attend. #youregermy #notafananyway

Harry is honestly a bit surprised when the DM he receives a few minutes is from Louis.

Louist95: How is it possible for you to irritate me through a social media app?

HarryStyles: Talent. I’ve got lots of it.

Louist95: Loads of humility too, apparently.

Louist95: I’m ill and you haven’t even said sorry for getting me sick.

HarryStyles: You didn’t wish me better when I was poorly.

Louist95: I didn’t get you sick!

Harry smiles as he imagines Louis getting all flustered typing his responses back to Harry.

HarryStyles: I’m sorry you’re poorly. You certainly don’t have to come to the concert tonight. You should probably stay home and rest.

“There, that was very polite.” Harry says to his empty flat.

Louis doesn’t respond and Harry figures that’s probably the end of the conversation. He gets a DM from Niall instead and instantly smiles.

Nialleerxx: ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!

HarryStyles: As a heart attack, mate.

Nialleerxx: I’m not even supposed to be in London. I’m in town taking care of Lou’s sick arse. His mum and sisters are still on holiday in France. This is total kismet.

Harry feels slightly guilty at Niall’s words. All he’d wanted when he’d gotten off the plane from America was his mum. Knowing that Louis didn’t have that option makes him feel inexplicably upset on his behalf.

HarryStyles: Really didn’t mean to get him sick.

Nialleerxx: He’s fine.

Nialleerxx: But, really. I meant it when I said I was a huge fan. Don’t joke about this concert.

HarryStyles: I’ll have a ticket left for you at will call.

Nialleerxx: What even is my life, thanks so much! Wey hey!

Harry smiles as he closes out of the Twitter app, his good deed for the day officially done. He’s been cooped in his house for three days and decides that midday on a Tuesday probably means that it’s safe for him to take a quick trip to Hyde Park. He throws on a pair of shades and a beanie and hops on the bicycle he doesn’t get nearly enough use out of.

The late August weather feels absolutely glorious and Harry doesn’t even keep his head down as he pedals the few miles from his Hampstead flat. He’s just in such a good mood, after nearly a week of feeling like utter crap.

He’s just entered the park, passing by one of the refreshment points when he sees a familiar person reaching for a coffee cup across the counter. Harry’s heart instantly starts racing as he realizes who the blue eyes and copper colored hair belong too.

Harry slows his pedaling for reasons unknown to himself as he stops to watch the man before him.

Louis has his cup now, wincing as he takes a sip. He pulls his jacket around him even tighter, and rubs his nose on the sleeve as he starts walking towards the entrance of the park.

Harry bites his lip as the man walks away. He can’t just…let him get away.

Before he even realizes what he’s doing he turns his bike around and starts pedaling in the direction Louis went. Once he reaches the entrance he sees Louis walking towards the tube station.

“Louis.” He calls out before he can stop himself.

Louis turns around and searches for the source of his name being called. Harry realizes he’s drawn a bit of attention to himself so he starts to pedal towards Louis instead of calling his name again. Louis sees him when he’s about 50 yards away.

He waits until Harry has nearly reached him before he speaks. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” His tone isn’t hostile; he almost seems playful in his words.

“What are the chances?” Harry agrees, causing Louis to shrug his shoulders and shake his head. Louis doesn’t speak though which causes the conversation to quickly turn awkward.

Louis eventually clears his throat and starts speaking. “You know, what you did for Niall was really cool.” Louis’ voice is much deeper than normal and sounds odd to Harry’s ears.

“It was nothing.” Harry says shrugging. “I like to do what I can for my fans.” He doesn’t mean to say it snappily, but he can see the way that Louis recoils at the wording. “I didn’t mean that.” He bites his lip. “But I did mean what I said on Twitter. You should be in bed, not strolling around Hyde Park or going to boy band concerts.”

Louis smirks. “Thanks for your concern.” He smirk turns to a bit of a smile though as he continues. “I was actually at the Boots around the corner getting some medicine.” He says holding up the bag in his hand. “And then thought some tea would be good.” He gestures to the hand holding the cup. “I was heading home.”

“Right.” Harry says. “Well don’t let me stop you.” Louis nods and turns to go before Harry stops him. “So, I was planning on biking around Hyde Park for the next few hours. Do you think, maybe you could not let anyone know you saw me?” He can feel his cheeks blush, but he knows that he certainly doesn’t want to be mobbed.

Louis chuckles. “Why don’t you have security, Styles?”

Styles? Apparently they are on nickname terms now.

“I do?” Harry isn’t sure what he’s getting at. Maybe he should have called his security guard to let him know about his trip to Hyde Park, but really he craves adventures like this where he can pretend he’s just a normal 19 year old again.

“I literally got into your dressing room four days ago without any trouble.”

“I guess they thought I was safe in my own dressing room.” Harry says dryly. “I had sent everyone away because I was trying to rest, proper sick that I was.”

“Trust me, I know all about that.” Louis says, as he raises his arm and coughs into his sleeve. Harry smiles sheepishly as Louis continues. “See you around, mate.” Louis says, turning around and heading towards the tube.

Harry stands in the street, trying to wrap his brain around the conversation he just had.

Mate?

What just happened?

Chapter Text

After their shows in London, Harry and the rest of Sonic Boom leave to tour Western Europe, and Harry doesn’t hear from Louis for the next three months.

Actually, that’s a lie.

Louis tweets all the time.

At first Harry doesn’t really pay attention to it, but soon his feed is filled with tweets and random memes. He quickly realizes that Louis is a sucker for a good meme. He also is constantly tweeting links to a blog. Late one night in September Harry is suffering from jetlag and is wide-awake at 3 AM in whatever country they are in for the day when he decides to actually click the link.

It takes him to a very simple but professional looking website.

He’s not entirely sure what he was expecting, but he’s more than a little surprised when the first entry he sees is on transgender bathroom use. He’s surprised to see how well written it is, and is even more surprised when he sees Louis’ picture and information typed in the author box. It’s not that he didn’t think Louis was successful in his hobbies… he just didn’t think Louis was this kind of successful. A quick look at the website visitor counter indicates that over 900,000 people have viewed the blog since it’s origin last spring. That certainly explains the large twitter following that Louis has.

As Harry scrolls down the blog he keeps discovering surprises. Harry’s had a hunch that Louis was gay ever since they first met to be honest, after more than two years of forced closeting Harry’s gaydar has gotten scarily accurate. However, the more he reads the more Harry realizes how that doesn’t even begin to crack away at the tip of the iceberg. Louis doesn’t just discuss his life as a gay university student in his blogs. Instead he writes lengthy, educated posts on the ins and outs of the LGBTQIA community. He writes about transphobia and gender identity. He conducts polls among his readers on intersexuality. He even talks about his experiences as the student ambassador at Leeds for the European Parliament Intergroup on LGBT Rights.

And it’s all just so interesting to Harry.

He credits the fact that he’s been forced into the closet the past two years by his management, but it’s like he can’t get enough of Louis’ blog. It’s like he’s finally found a way to connect with his community. In some weird way, he almost feels a bit jealous of Louis’ freedom.

It very quickly becomes a thing.

Louis uploads a new entry every Wednesday and Harry reads it religiously. He always debates on commenting, but decides he probably shouldn’t leave any kind of traceable paper trail connecting him to an LGBT blog.

Harry does start liking some of his posts though, which doesn’t go unnoticed by his fans.

Louist95: When you get excited because you have 957 new followers only to realize it was because a washed up popstar liked your tweet…

Harry likes it just to spite him and quickly sends out his own tweet back.

HarryStyles: When some people can’t just smile and say thank you...

It’s a random day in October when Harry realizes that Louis has started following him back. It shouldn’t be as big of a deal as it actually is. Harry hasn’t technically tweeted Louis directly since August, but they indirect each other all the time.

In early November Louis likes a picture Harry posts of a rainbow, which makes Harry's insides feel a bit like jelly (a fact that he'd never admit). There are no more discussions through direct messages. Louis might say some offensive comments about Sonic Boom, and Harry quickly retorts with a witty comment of his own. Its all just silly banter really, something to pass the sleepless nights on tour and boring days at university away.

So, Louis and Harry haven’t talked since August, not really.

Niall on the other hand tweets and DM’s Harry all the time and they have actually developed a bit of a friendship over the app. Niall tells him all about his and Louis’ adventures at university in Leeds-Harry conveniently doesn’t mention the fact that he’s already heard most of the stories either on Louis’ blog or twitter- and Harry tells him of the tales of Sonic Boom’s tour. As the leaves fall and the air gets cold, the band makes their way across the entirety of Western Europe. They land back in England at the end of November.

They have a concert in Leeds on December 4th and he’s been debating about inviting Louis. He knows for a fact that Louis didn’t come to the concert in London. Niall had DM’ed him for days afterwards discussing the concert in great detail. Niall has already bought himself and his girlfriend, Barbara, tickets to the concert, but hasn’t mentioned whether Louis was going or not. They don’t ever really talk about Louis, because, why would they? It’s not like Louis and Harry are really even friends.

Which is why he has to sit down when he reads the newest tweet on his feed when he pulls the app up during a break of their sound check in Sheffield.

Louist95: @HarryStyles, I’m personally offended that you haven’t invited me to your concert in Leeds next week. Proper fan I am and all.

Harry is a bit disappointed in himself when he feels his hands shaking slightly. He’s not quite sure when hearing from Louis started making him feel this way. It’s just, Louis hasn’t directly tweeted him in months.

Not to be outdone though, Harry quickly types back a witty response, shaky hands and all.

HarryStyles: @Louist95Proper fan? I’m personally offended on behalf of all our fans everywhere that you lumped yourself with them.

He gets called back to sound check and abandons his phone until late that night after the concert is completed. He’s actually completely forgotten about Louis and Twitter until he’s back in his dressing room. He’s just taken a quick shower, enough to rinse the sweat off, and is lounging on his couch until he can be taken back to their hotel.

He’s fidgeting with his phone when Zayn and Liam burst into the room.

“Lads.” He says nonchalantly till he sees the slightly panicked expressions on their faces. “What’s up?”

“Have you checked twitter?”

“Not since earlier.” He says sipping from the water bottle he’d been holding.

“Might want too.” Zayn says urgently, which is, odd. Zayn rarely does anything urgently.

“Okay.” Harry murmurs, giving a quizzical look to Liam who just nods his head. The two sit down on the couch on either side of him as he presses the buttons on his phone. “Shit.” He says as soon as the app is open.

Louis had tweeted him back.

Louist95: Still ever the arsehole, @harrystyles at his finest everybody. #slowclap

It had been sent at 12:48 that afternoon.

He also had three DM’s; two from Louis and one from Niall.

Louis had sent him one at 4:15.

Louist95: Harry, I sincerely hope you know I was joking with that tweet. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble.

The next one had come in at 9:00.

Louist95: Just let me know you’re okay, yeah?

“What the actual hell?” Harry says as he stares at the screen. Looking up, he says it again. “What happened?”

“We aren’t really sure.” Liam begins. “I guess this Louis guy has a pretty big twitter following?”

“Yeah.” Harry says slowly, still not realizing why that is an issue.

“Louis’ gay.” Zayn says softly.

Harry nods, still not seeing the problem. “Okay?” He’s been out to his friends since he was 15. He sincerely doubts they have a problem with this near stranger being gay.

“Louis’ gay and he got in a twitter fight with you.” Liam says as if that explains everything.

“I’m not out.” Harry says bitterly. “Why the hell would that matter?”

“That’s kind of the whole problem.” Zayn sighs. “He’s very out and very proud.”

“That’s great for him.” Harry is starting to get a bit irritated. Why are his friends dangling this guy’s sexual freedom in front of him?

“You don’t get it, Harry.” Zayn says shaking his head.

“Listen, I know people speculate about me all the time.” Harry says lowly. “But I don’t see how me interacting with one gay guy on twitter will make people assume I’m gay too.”

“This video surfaced, apparently?” Liam says. “From the Madison Square Garden concert.” Harry groans, he can guess what it’s of. “Louis was there.”

“Yes, he was. That’s where we met.” Harry says shortly.

“You flipped him off, someone caught a video of the whole interaction. Fans are saying they’ve never seen a more rude expression on your face.”

“I’m allowed to be angry at one person one time.” Harry whines. “So they think we are in some kind of weird gay love/hate relationship?” The fans certainly come up with some creative theories but this one takes the cake.

“No they don’t think you’re in a relationship with him.” Liam’s words leave a heavy thickness in the air.

“If they don’t think I’m gay,” Harry says slowly, realization spreading across his face. “They think I’m,” he swallows harshly, “homophobic?”

“We know you aren’t.” Zayn says protectively, tightening his grip on Harry’s shoulder. Harry knows it’s meant to be comforting but it actually makes him feel a bit like he can’t breath.

Harry pulls away and stands up. Pacing the floor allows his body to act out the way his brain is currently feeling. “So what do I do?” He finally asks, knowing that neither of the boys in front of him knows the answer.

“I’m sure that PR will come up with a story.” Liam says, trying to reassure him. “It isn’t the first time a story has come up that isn’t true.”

“It’s the first time people have thought I’m homophobic though.” Harry says softly, feeling stupid when tears start to bead at the corner of his eyes. He wipes at them, not making eye contact with the other boys. He takes a shaky breath in before speaking. “Listen, thanks for telling me, but I think I’d rather be by myself.” Looking up he sees two pairs of very concerned faces. “I promise, I’ll be fine.” Liam looks doubtful. “Just let me sit by myself while we wait here?” Harry bargains.

“And then we talk at the hotel?” Liam asks causing Harry to frown; he doesn’t want to talk with him about this.

“Or we could just cuddle in bed and watch a movie?” Zayn offers and Harry nods. That seems to appease the boys enough that soon he’s left alone in his room.

Re-opening twitter he ignores his own feed, not wanting to see all the tweets he’s been mentioned in. Instead, he opens his DM’s again, flipping to Niall’s.

Nialleerxx: Lou’s an idiot, let me know if there is anything I can do to help, mate. See you next week.

Harry smiles briefly and makes a mental note to respond to him tomorrow.

Tonight, though, he DM’s Louis his phone number quicker than he can talk himself out of it. He follows it up with a message.

HarryStyles: I’m not mad, just could really use someone to talk too x

He stares at the message until his phone lights up with an incoming call.

Clearing his throat, he answers it.

“Hey.” His voice comes out much smaller and much more rough than he anticipated.

“Harry, are you okay?” His voice is full of concern and suddenly Harry feels like crying again. He has no clue what to say but he knows that he needs to say something.

“I’m gay.”

He immediately claps a hand over his mouth. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting himself to say, but he never thought it was going to be that.

“Okay.” Louis says carefully. “You know I don’t actually believe what they are saying, right?”

“I just came out to you and that’s all you have to say?” Harry’s out to his family and his tight group of friends, but the majority of the world definitely thinks he’s straight. And he’s just told an almost stranger.

“Thanks for telling me.” Louis says sheepishly. “I know that it probably isn’t easy to find people you trust enough with that information, and I’m really happy that you think I am one.”

Harry laughs bitterly. “My life is literally a joke. I’m as a gay as a unicorn and I’ve just been named the most homophobic person in England.”

“Gay as a unicorn?” Louis asks, sounding highly unimpressed.

Despite himself, Harry cracks a smile. “Gay as a butterfly?”

“God, you are the reason we have these ridiculous stereotypes in the first place.”

We.

For the first time Harry’s actually realizing that he and Louis play for the same team. That they are in fact, for the first time, on the same side.

“Sorry,” he finally says softly.

“So, you’re gay.” Louis says, much quieter this time.

“I am.” And it feels so good to be able to share this news with a stranger. Like, he’s on his way to being out and proud to the world. One stranger at a time.

“Thanks for telling me.” Louis says again.

“Are you coming to the concert next week?” Harry asks because he suddenly really wants to give Louis a hug.

“I don’t have a ticket if that’s what you’re asking.”

“So if I got you a ticket, you’d come?” Louis is quiet for a minute and the silence is killing Harry. “It’s a yes or no question, Lou.”

“Yes.” Louis finally says. “I’d come.”

“Cool.” Harry says, relief he didn’t know he needed filling him. “I’ll leave backstage passes for you and Niall.”

“And Barbara.” Louis adds on.

“And Barbara.” Harry agrees. “I can’t wait to see you.” He says, blushing in spite of himself.

Harry can hear Louis chuckle nervously though, so maybe it’s not all one sided. “See you then.”

“Bye.”

Harry exits the call and cradles the phone against his chest. There’s something blooming there, an excitement in his stomach. He’s not sure why he’s so giddy, the press about him certainly not a reason to be happy. As he smiles ridiculously into his hotel pillow later that night though, with Liam and Zayn sleeping on either side of him, he’s not sure what’s gotten into him.

All he knows it that Louis knows and he’s surprisingly okay with that.

~

Harry knows what he’s about to do may be very stupid.

They are in Leeds. It’s December and it’s freezing. He knows Louis and Niall are out in the crowd somewhere and that calms him a little bit.

He’d spotted the rainbow flag as soon as the band stepped out on the stage an hour and a half ago. Truthfully, it’s a bit hard not to notice the giant fabric and it’s bright colors. He keeps gravitating towards that side of the stage, wanting to seek out it’s owners. He knows there are a multitude of reasons as to why the concert goers had brought the flag to their concert.

The press has not been very nice to Harry or Sonic Boom the past week. Harry’s rep had sent out a statement the morning after the concert in Sheffield immediately denying the rumors stating that the banter on twitter was simply that, banter. That Harry in no uncertain terms was incredibly accepting of the homosexual community.

Louis had texted him a link to an article that night, explaining that homosexuality wasn’t the only type of sexuality Harry should publically accept. Asexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality- the list goes on.

Louis has taught Harry a lot the past week to be honest. Harry thought he had been learning a lot just by reading Louis’ blog, but that pales in comparison to actually speaking directly to the man himself. Now that he and Louis were apparently on ‘texting’ level of friendship, he wouldn’t shut up about the platform that Harry had however unintentionally put himself on for the LGBTQIA community.

So Harry’s brain is full of LGBT rights, gender identity, and asexuality, and when the rainbow flag get’s thrown on the stage, Harry has to take it as a sign. He's sure he'll get in some sort of trouble with his management, but at the moment he doesn't care. He has to take the opportunity that fate has just thrown right in front of him, for homosexual people everywhere.

Grabbing it off the floor, he gently shakes it out before pulling it over his shoulders like a cape. He runs across the stage, singing the rest of the song with it proudly draping his shoulders. After the song is over he has a few moments to talk as the band prepares for the next song.

“How is everyone doing tonight?” Harry calls out into his microphone. The crowd yells back excitedly as expected. “Glad to hear that.” He says as he sits down cross-legged on the stage.

“America legalized gay marriage several months ago.” He says, pulling the flag from around his shoulders to lie flat across his lap. “It’s been legalized in England and Scotland for even longer.” He twists the fabric in his hands as he continues talking, hoping that his voice isn’t shaking. “And I never said anything about it.” The atmosphere in the stadium has suddenly gotten thick and very quiet. He bites his bottom lip nervously, hearing the band begin to start up the music for their next song.

“When the truth is that I’ve never been more excited about anything.” He remembers actually crying on the phone to his mum when he heard that gay marriage was legalized last summer in America. “Sonic Boom celebrates love in all forms, love is love.” He says simply, standing to his feet. “Love wins, always.” The opening cords to “They Don’t Know About Us” are beginning to play and Harry starts grinning. “And I dedicate this song to anyone who has ever been told that they can’t be with someone because of their gender or sexuality or age.” Harry walks towards the center of the stage where the other two boys are waiting. “You can kindly tell them to bugger off.”

Liam’s already belting out the first words when Harry joins them, but he gives Harry a side hug anyway. Zayn pulls him into a full hug though, and barely lets go when it’s Harry’s turn to sing. By the chorus all three boys have their arms around each other and they stay in this group hug formation for the entirety of the song, forgoing their normal staging for the song.

Harry feels on top of the world for the rest of the concert. He has no doubt that this Leeds concert will be his favorite for a long time to come. He still hasn’t come down from the high that finally expressing all those emotions has given him, when Louis, Niall, and Barbara show up backstage.

“Niall!” He cries out, engulfing the blonde in a huge hug. He hasn’t technically seen the Irish lad since the show in London months ago, but with how often they talk it seems like the perfect way to greet him.

Niall squeezes him back extra tight, before releasing and pulling a pretty brunette forward to meet him. “This is Barbara.” He says, almost shyly.

“It’s very nice to meet you.” Harry says sincerely, extending his hand to shake hers, which she happily accepts.

“I can’t believe I’m meeting you right now.” She says giddily. “Niall said he met you last summer, but I kinda thought he was exaggerating the truth a bit.”

Niall is sputtering a reply to Barbara when Harry sees Louis hovering in the back ground behind the couple. “I’ll be right back.” He promises before walking up to Louis shyly.

“Thanks for coming.” He says, immediately pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. He’s rocking back and forth on his feet, the post show energy running through him like an electric current.

“I said I’d be here.” Louis says simply, cracking a smile. He hesitantly moves closer to Harry, which is all the encouragement Harry needs to pull Louis into a hug.

“I really appreciate you coming.” Harry whispers into his ear as they continue to hug. Pulling him away by his shoulders, Harry looks him in the eye. “That was kind of terrifying.”

“It was perfect.” Louis argues. “You spoke your mind, and you were honest.”

“Not as honest as I wish I could be.” He says, lowering his voice, even though he knows Niall and Barbara aren’t listening.

“You’re time will come.” Louis insists. “You can’t stay in the closet forever.”

Harry snorts. “You obviously don’t know my management team.” Louis doesn’t say anything, instead looking down at his feet awkwardly. “Sorry.” Harry says quickly. “So, how did you like the show?” He’s been preparing himself for the harsh critique he expects from Louis all week. He’s maybe even been looking forward to it a bit.

Now it’s Louis’ turn to look a bit shy and embarrassed. “It actually wasn’t horrible.” Harry drops his mouth open dramatically. “Hey, now.” Louis scolds, pushing Harry’s chin back up. “None of that is needed.” He smiles softly. “I told you I was a proper fan now.”

“Obviously, you were joking.” Harry says, still not quite believing what he’s hearing.

“Back when you gave me the plague and I couldn’t go to your concert I got curious.” Louis shrugs his shoulders as if that explains it.

“You had literally sat through an entire concert four days beforehand.” Harry argues.

“I actually worked concessions for most of that night.” Louis admits. “I didn’t get to slip into the concert until the final two songs.”

“I couldn’t even sing the final songs though.” Harry remembers. “My voice had given out.”

“I know.” Louis looks uncomfortable, and starts playing with the hem of his sweater. “That’s why I wasn’t paying attention.” Harry gapes for real this time. “What?”

“You just told me that you didn’t pay attention to our concert because I wasn’t singing.” Harry isn’t quite sure what to do with this information.

“Yeah,” Louis’ cheeks are slightly blushed. “Anyway, when Niall came back from your concert in London he kept singing one of your songs and it got stuck in my head.” Louis admits.

“Which one?”

“I think it’s called 'Happily'?” Louis says uncertainly. “I honestly was a bit surprised at how deep the lyrics were.”

“Of course they were deep, I wrote them.” Harry says proudly, causing Louis to smile.

“So after I heard that song, I listened to another.” He shrugs, looking slightly embarrassed. “Proper fan now.” He bites his lip, pausing for a moment. “Still not a fan of that one song.” He teases. “But the rest, it’s alright.”

“Alright?” Harry deadpans.

“Hey, I just gave you several compliments in a row, Styles.” Louis teases.

Harry nods. “So you were convinced we were some washed up pop stars with phony, insensitive lyrics.” Harry licks his lips. “What about now?”

“Pretty okay singer-song writers, I suppose.” Louis gives an unsure smile at the end, which Harry quickly returns. This is not the Louis he met in New York and it’s certainly not the Louis who he’s been following on twitter for the past three months. This Louis is being genuinely kind and vulnerable, and quite frankly, Harry has no clue why.

“Huh.” Harry says, because he really can’t comprehend what’s happening. Niall comes up to him right at that moment, which he can’t decide is a good or bad thing.

“Let’s go out.” He’s got Barbara at his side, nodding her head fast. “We want to show you a good time in Leeds.”

“Think you can do that, Lou?” Harry asks, ignoring the unsure look still on his face. Louis stares at him for a second longer before grinning. “Think Leeds is ready for me?”

“Course.” He nods his head. “The question isn’t is Leeds ready for Harry Styles, rather is Harry Styles ready for Leeds?”

Two hours later it’s very apparent to every person in the pub that Harry Styles is in fact not ready for Leeds.

“Loooouuuuu.” Harry drawls out. He’s sucking on his third drink and he’s feeling good. He’s pretty sure the group has done a shot or two as well. He’s not really up for remembering though. The ice in his drink starts to clink together so he sets the cup down. “I need a new one.” He pouts his lower lip out for extra effect.

“I think you’ve had enough, Harry.” Zayn says, putting his own hand over Harry’s. Liam and Zayn had decided to join them, and with the addition of two body guards the group had merrily went on their way to explore Leed’s nightlife.

Niall had wanted to show them the student pub that the group gets smashed at every Friday night, so they had snagged a booth in the back. The group had been recognized a few times, but they hadn’t drawn too much attention to themselves.

Harry can feel himself getting too drunk though, and knows it’s just a matter of time before he does something embarrassing. “You’re probably right.” He says sadly, turning to Louis who had been sitting beside him the whole night. “He’s probably right.” He whispers into Louis’ ear. “I do silly things when I get too drunk.”

Harry lowers his head to rest on Louis’ shoulder. He observes the bar around him. It’s nearing one in the morning, but the dance floor is still hopping. He sees people dancing and grinding against one another. In particular he focuses in on a gay couple. They are near the edge of the dance floor, giving Harry an excellent side view of the way that the shorter one is dancing against the taller one from behind.

“That’s what I want.” He says to no one in particular, pointing in the couple’s general vicinity.

He’s surprised to hear Louis respond to him. “What do you want?”

“That.” He says pointing again. “I want someone to grind against me and cuddle up behind me.” He pouts. “I’ve always been ridiculously tall, from my first girlfriend to the few guys I’ve been with I’ve never gotten to be the little spoon.”

“That’s a shame.” Louis sympathizes. “If we ever dated I’d big spoon the shit out of you.”

And it’s so genuine sounding and serious, that Harry almost feels guilty for the honking laugh that comes flying out of his mouth.

Throwing a hand quickly over his mouth he raises his head and sheepishly looks into Louis’ eyes. “I’m sorry for laughing, that was an incredibly nice offer.”

“We could always just do it?” Louis suggests softly, sounding so hesitant that he almost seems like he’s asking permission.

“What, cuddle?” Harry’s never going to turn down cuddling, whether from a sworn ex-enemy or otherwise.

“Yeah.” Louis exhales heavily. Harry leans his head back down on Louis’ shoulder, his hand slipping onto Louis’ thigh. The rest of the group continues to chatter around them.

“I’m tired.” Harry announces nearly five minutes later. “And ready for a cuddle.” He says, turning to face Louis.

Louis’ eyebrows rise so quickly they are all but invisible behind his hair.

“What?" Harry says innocently. "You promised.”

“I did no such thing.” Louis argues, but his voice sounds weak.

“Louis’ taking me back to the hotel.” Harry says, turning to Liam and Zayn. “You guys stay out.” He orders even as he sees them begin to protest. “When in Leeds be like the uni kids.”

They really don’t need anymore convincing and soon Louis and Harry are stumbling out of the pub together.

“Shit, you are drunk, H.” Louis says as Harry trips over his own feet for the fifth time.

"Or just naturally clumsy." Shaking his head, Harry continues. “’M fine.”

Thankfully the walk to their hotel isn’t that far from the pub, and Harry is soon leading Louis up to his hotel suite. They’ve just said goodnight to the body guard who had followed them back to the hotel, when Harry starts undressing.

“Haz.” Louis yells as he closes the door. “The door wasn’t even shut yet.”

“I was hot.” Harry says shrugging, pulling his tight jeans down his legs. Harry can see Louis eyeing him, but he continues to undress as if nothing is wrong. He unbuttons his shirt and drapes it over a chair before slipping into bed.

Louis is still standing by the door, looking a bit out of sorts. His face is a bit red and his hands are fidgeting at his sides.

“Well?” Harry asks into the silence. Louis gives him a questioning look. “You said you’d big spoon the shit out of me.”

Louis bites his lip, and looks to seriously ponder the offer before moving a little closer. Harry thinks he’s getting his way until he sees that Louis is in fact just tucking him into bed.

“Do you need some water?” Louis asks kindly, as he pulls the duvet up from where it had been resting on Harry’s waist.

“What the fuck, Lou?” Harry asks, patting his hand firmly to the spot on the bed bedside him. “Get in my bed.” He’s never talked with this kind of authority in his voice to Louis, but surprisingly Louis complies.

He slowly walks to the other side of the bed and gets in, clothes and all. He hesitantly slides closer to Harry.

“You’re drunk, Harry.” Louis says when Harry pulls on Louis’ arm to bring it around his waist.

“I don’t want you to fuck me.” Harry says irritated. “I just want a good cuddle.” He reaches up and turns off the bedside lamp, casting the entire room in dark shadows.

“Okay.” Louis finally whispers, scooting closer to Harry. He pulls Harry backwards as he wraps his arm around his waist. Harry lets out a sigh and snuggles closer. It’s even better than he thought it would be. He’s never being the big spoon again, height expectations and cultural norms be damned.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Louis’ laugh is the last thing Harry hears before he passes out, which is definitely not the worst sound in the world.

Waking up to Louis’ laughter isn’t nearly as nice as falling asleep to it though. Harry groans before he can tell himself not too.

He’s so hungover.

Blearily opening his eyes, he sees Louis sitting at the table several feet away on the phone. His profile looks almost ethereal from this angle, with the way the sun is coming in from the window beside him.

Harry shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the thought. He really only succeeds in exacerbating the growing pounding behind his eyes. Looking back over he sees Louis still hasn’t discovered he’s awake.

That won’t do.

Using all his energy he grabs a pillow from the other side of the bed and tosses it in Louis’ general direction before flopping back dramatically on the bed. Hearing the surprised “uuuuuhff” that follows, Harry guesses he’s hit his target.

Louis politely ends his phone call before shouting “what the fuck, Styles?”

“You were ignoring your duties as my big spoon.” Harry says simply.

“Oh, god.” Louis sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re literally so clingy it’s disgusting.” He’s walking back towards the bed though, so Harry considers the battle won.

It isn’t until Harry is tucked up against Louis that he speaks again.

“You know, I just realized, I shared a bed with you last night and I literally know nothing about you.”

“You know my last name.” Louis reasons. “And where I go to school.”

“Louis.” Harry calls in a warning.

“Fine.” Louis scoffs. “What would you like to know?”

“Everything.”

Louis gives the typical family spiel. His mum and four sisters live in London along with their new step-dad. He spends a ridiculously long amount of time describing his relationship with his ailing nan, which warms Harry's heart a bit more than he'd care to admit. Harry shows Louis picture after picture of Lux before he finally demands to see photos of his actual family.

“So, how did the band form?” Louis asks after Harry finishes a rambling story about his sister.

“I met Zayn and Liam in primary, we all grew up in Cheshire.” Harry says simply. “I could never really do sports.” Louis snorts. “Rude.” Harry says rolling his eyes. “Anyway, I got super into music once we got into junior high. We all ended up auditioning for the musical to get extra credit in English class in Year 9. Turns out, we could all carry a tune.” Harry shrugs. “It just kind of snowballed from there.”

“So you went from singing ‘High School Musical’ in your school auditorium to sold out arenas in New York City?” Louis jokes.

“First of all, it wasn’t ‘High School Musical’.” Harry scoffs. “It was ‘Fiddler on the Roof’.” He twirls the ring on his index finger. “We started posting videos on YouTube of us singing covers. Someone heard it I guess.” Harry shrugs. “It really did just kind of snowball.” He’s not even lying; he sometimes can’t believe the last two years have actually happened. “We spent like a month during the summer between lower and upper sixth form recording an album in London.”

“That was the summer before I went to university.” Louis adds. “We were in the city together.”

Harry smiles. “We all went back to Cheshire after the album came out to attend our final year of sixth form. We started performing nearly every weekend at different venues around the UK.”

“And then your song was on the How I Met Your Mother finale.” Louis adds. Harry’s eyes widen. “Oh come on, you think I haven’t googled your band by this point?”

Harry bites his lip to keep from smiling. “Well, then I guess you know what happened next. We became famous literally overnight.” Louis looks at him expectantly. “That’s it, really. I somehow graduated from sixth form and then we spent the next three months traveling all over America performing that darn song.”

“That darn song.” Louis agrees. Harry nods and smiles at Louis who looks back at him fondly. “Your dimple is big enough to fit a cherry in it, I swear.” Louis says, poking it playfully. Harry can feel himself blushing; he doesn’t know what to do with all these feelings.

Instead of dealing he asks Louis another question. "So, you're a writer?" He can feel Louis nodding his head where his chin is against Harry's shoulder. "You want to write as a career?"

"I'm not entirely sure." Louis admits, squeezing the arm that is around Harry's waist. "I'm in the English Literature program at uni, but I don't know what exactly I want to do. I love writing, but." He trails off, shrugging.

"You're good at it too." Harry adds, sighing as Louis scoffs. "I'm serious. Your blog is actually really impressive." Harry turns around in the bed so that he and Louis are face to face. "How did you get the idea to start it?"

Louis' cheeks are slightly pink. "I just had so many thoughts." He shrugs. "I had to get them all out somewhere. Once I got to uni, I realized how uninformed the general public is of LGBTQIA issues and I wanted to do something to educate. 'M just good with words, I guess? Not as good as you, I'm sure, Mr. Song Writer." Louis teases lightheartedly.

"You could never compare our ways of writing." Harry protests. "It's like apples and oranges." He insists, grabbing Louis' hand and lacing their fingers together. The gesture suddenly seems too intimate and Harry starts to pull back, but Louis squeezes his hand, his lips twitching upwards. Harry clears his throat. "Anyway, it's nearly noon." He says looking at the bedside clock. "We've got to get ready to check out."

“Shit, is it already 12?” Louis asks, turning to look at the clock, loosening his grip on Harry's hand. Once he confirms the time, he drops Harry's hand completely, hurrying off the bed into the bathroom. Harry tries to tell himself he doesn't miss the calloused warm hand that was in his own (spoiler:it doesn't work). “I was supposed to spend the day at the library revising. Finals are next week.”

Harry isn’t quite as quick as Louis, hangover still making him feel a bit sluggish as he peels himself out of the bed. Harry has barely made it over to his suitcase when Louis comes bounding back out of the bathroom.

“How can you have so much energy?” Harry asks, throwing a side-glance at Louis.

“I didn’t drink as much as you.” Louis offers, pulling his jeans back on from where he had thrown them off sometime during the night before.

“You can’t be seen walking out in last night’s clothes.” Harry squeals, pulling out a spare set of clothes from his own suitcase.

“But it’ll be better if I’m seen wearing your clothes?” Louis asks, doubtfully.

“Just wear them, please.” Harry sighs in relief as the boy quickly changes into the borrowed joggers and sweater. The sweater is a bit baggy on Louis, and Harry is a bit disappointed in himself when he finds himself smiling at how adorable Louis is scrunching his nose as he fails to keep the sleeves pulled up. Like a giant kitten.

“How am I even going to get these back to you?” Louis questions as he sits on the edge of the bed, bringing Harry out of his daydream.

“You can just keep them.” Harry says absentmindedly; completely missing the look Louis throws at him.

“We could always see each other in London over winter holidays.” Louis suggests softly. "Maybe get dinner some time?"

“Sure.” Harry agrees as he pushes down on the suitcase in order to zip it shut.

“Harry Styles.” Louis’ tone is a bit sharper than usual causing Harry to jerk his head up. “I just asked you on a proper date and you brushed me off.”

“Sorry, what?” Harry crosses the room quickly as Louis sits on the bed biting his lip.

“You can’t be this dense can you?” Louis asks. Harry doesn’t really have an answer, which he guesses is an answer within itself. “I like you, Harry.” Harry can feel his eyes widen, but he still has no voice. “And I’m pretty sure you like me too.”

Harry starts pacing the length of the bed at Louis’ words. He’s about to refute them, say that Louis is absolutely crazy, that they absolutely hate each other. Until he realizes that isn’t exactly true anymore.

“Oh my god.” Harry says, feeling himself come to a rest in between Louis’ legs, resting his hands on his knees. “I do like you.” He’s surprised by his own words. How did he not see this coming? He’s talked with Louis nearly every day for the past week. He literally let the man sleep in his bed last night, practically demanded it. Heck, if he’s being completely honest with himself he’d been attracted to the man back when he first met him in August.

Louis had been smiling but it droops as Harry continues not to say anything. “So is that a yes?” He prompts.

“Louis.” Harry says gently. “I’m not out, I wouldn’t ever want to put you in that sort of position.”

“I’m not asking for your hand in marriage, Harry.” Louis asks, sounding exasperated. “All I want is a date. It doesn’t even have to be in public, we can watch a movie at your bloody flat if you want too.”

Harry can feel his face beginning to turn into a grin. “I do have a break from touring until the end of January. I'll be in London." He bites his lip. "Nothing serious?" He really doesn't want to hurt Louis (and he really doesn't want to hurt himself either.)

"It’ll be the definition of the word casual." Louis promises. "Just some fun during your break."

Harry scrunches his nose. "Can I pick the movie?”

Louis sighs dramatically. “Sure, Haz.”

“A romantic comedy?”

“Whatever you want.”

“Pixar?”

“I draw the line at Frozen.”

Harry laughs, leaning closer against Louis.

“See, that wasn’t so hard was it?” Louis asks softly.

Harry shakes his head, catching the way Louis’ eyes keep looking back and forth from Harry’s lips to his eyes. He’s not entirely sure what has come over him when he pushes his lips against Louis’. It’s a soft and slow kiss, like they are exploring each other for the first time. Louis tastes like toothpaste and smells a bit like how he expects sunshine would. Harry can feel butterflies in his stomach, and wonders if the weak feeling he has in his knees is in anyway connected.

He eventually feels unsteady on his feet from the awkward way he’s leaning against Louis and falls to the bed bedside him, effectively ending the kiss. Harry stretches out on his back, Louis following his lead.

“So I’ll see you in London?” Harry asks a bit out of breath.

Louis nods his head. “I’ll be counting down the days.”

Harry really hopes that he isn't making a mistake.

Chapter Text

A week later Harry is nervously tapping his foot against the floor of the car as he looks at his watch. He has a meeting with his management, his last Sonic Boom obligation of the year. The meeting in itself isn’t making him too terribly nervous; it’s what’s happening afterwards that has his body jittering.

Louis is coming over to watch a movie.

It shouldn’t be a big deal. Harry keeps telling himself it isn’t a big deal (he just doesn’t quite believe himself.)

Louis had arrived in London two days ago after his final exams were completed, and after Harry convinced Louis to spend his first day in town with his family, he had easily agreed to spend the second with him.

Harry’s car arrives at the band’s management offices, the driver opening his door for him. Liam and Zayn are already in the room when Harry enters, so he takes a seat at the end of the table.

Harry is about to ask the boys their holiday plans, when his phone buzzes. Quickly looking down at the phone in his hands, he sees that Louis has texted him.

See you in an hour x

There’s a lot behind the office you can park in, thanks for picking me up.

“What has you all giddy?” Liam asks, causing Harry to straighten up in his chair and throw his phone down on the table.

“Nothing.” He says casually, although his actions clearly state otherwise. “Just excited about the break.”

“Me too.” Liam says enthusiastically. “I’m headed home as soon as this meeting ends.” He frowns looking down at his watch. “I was hoping to make it before dark.”

Harry sighs, it’s not unusual for them to be kept waiting for these meetings with their management. “Well, I have plans in exactly one hour, whether they are finished or not.”

The meeting goes as usual, discussing the tour so far and its unwavering success. It’s hard to believe the world tour is half way over already. They’ve already toured all over the UK and Western Europe. Once they come back from the break they’ll be hitting up Australia, Asia, and finishing with a trip around North America.

Harry has practically zoned out of the meeting, keeping his eye on the steadily ticking arm of his watch. It’s nearing 5PM, and he can’t wait until he has a break for the next month and a half. The tour has been insane, in the best way possible, but he’d be lying if he didn’t say that he’s looking forward to some down time to spend with his family and maybe a certain blue-eyed boy.

He’s trying to mentally picture the face Louis’ going to give him when he demands watching Love Actually tonight when he hears his name called. Judging by the tone of exasperation it isn’t for the first time either.

“Sorry.” He looks around the table, his band mates giving him a worried look. “What?” He looks at the woman who had been in charge of the meeting, a brunette he thinks is called Melanie.

“Taylor is in town for the Jingle Ball Concert.” Harry feels his whole body stiffen at the mention of her name. He mentally rolls his eyes, while trying not to cringe.

“What exactly does that have to do with me?” Harry asks, playing dumb, hoping he is giving a convincing nonchalant stare.

“Her album dropped last month, you boys need to stay relevant during the tour break.” Melanie shrugs, as if it seems perfectly clear as to what she’s suggesting.

Harry can feel his heart start to beat a bit too quickly, the room becoming a bit too small. He finally manages to choke out a quiet “no.”

Melanie sighs heavily, as if she knew this would be his response. “Think about the band.” She looks over at Liam and Zayn. “Everyone already thinks you dated last winter. Being spotted together would generate just enough press throughout the holidays to prevent you boys from slipping.” She purses her lips. “And, after all the slip ups you’ve had this fall, you really could benefit from some press with a female.”

Harry actually feels a bit lost for words. He’s quite certain the band is doing fine, with or without the fake relationship stunts his management is constantly suggesting. He’s clenching and unclenching his fists, when Liam speaks up.

“He hasn’t done anything wrong.” Liam says firmly. “He hasn’t done anything in violation of your crazy restrictions on him.”

“Liam.” Melanie says calmly. “Those ‘crazy restrictions’ are for the best of the band.” She’s saying it slowly, as if they haven’t heard the same spiel over and over.

“It doesn’t matter.” Harry finally says. “I’m actually not contractually obligated to do anything for this band until January 26th.” Harry says matter-of-factly, trying to prevent his voice from shaking. Harry had made sure that his lawyer had given him this freedom when they had signed the contract for the tour.

He can’t do that again.

“I’ll do whatever you want me to do after the end of January.” He’s sure whatever fun he’s going to have with Louis is going to fizzle out before he goes back on tour anyway. “I’ll be seen with whomever you want.” He pauses before continuing, unwavering. “On January 27th.”

“I’ll go out with her.” Zayn says softly. Which, no. Harry’s about to absolutely shut that down, for Zayn’s own good, when Melanie speaks up.

“The last thing we want is to create some kind of situation where the public thinks there is inner band turmoil. Imagine, a band member dating another band mate’s ex?” She says doubtfully, crinkling her nose in disgust.

“She’s not my ex.” Harry says under his breath.

“Irregardless.” Melanie ignores Harry, waving her hand in the air. “It’s Harry or no one.” She gives him a look that clearly suggests that he should “take one for the team”.

“I’m not doing it.” Harry says firmly. He sees Melanie opening her mouth to speak but looks at his watch and sees its 5:03. “And it’s 5 PM, meeting’s over. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays.” He stands up from the table. “See you in Australia.” He turns to Liam and Zayn, nodding his head. “Lads.”

Harry flies down the staircase, searching the parking lot for the grey car Louis had said he’d be driving. He spots it across the lot and immediately butterflies take over his stomach. He breathes out slowly, trying to relax every muscle in his body as he walks towards the car. Louis must see him in the rear view mirror because when Harry’s nearly reached the car, the driver’s door opens and Louis jumps out.

“Haz.” The smile on Louis’ face finds Harry releasing the last of the tension he’d been feeling.

“Hi.” Harry says as he pulls Louis into a hug. “Missed you.” He can feel Louis’ hands wrapping around his waist, squeezing in the most comforting way. He feels Louis pulling away, only for the two to come face to face.

“Hi.” Louis repeats, his face only inches from Harry’s. Harry can feel Louis leaning against him, and is instantly endeared when he realizes the boy is pushed up on his toes to be more even in height. He doesn’t even hesitate before eliminating the gap between them and locking lips.

Louis immediately allows Harry to push his tongue past his lips. He tastes like peppermint and Harry just can’t get enough. Harry walks them backwards until Louis hits the car. He lets go of Louis and braces himself on the car with his hands, while Louis runs his hands through Harry’s hair.

He can feel Louis tugging on the ends of his hair, which just makes Harry press his body even closer to the boy in front of him. He’s brought his hands down to cup Louis’ cheeks gently, when he hears a whistle from behind them.

Pulling apart immediately, Harry can feel his cheeks begin to warm. Turning around he sees Liam and Zayn walking towards the couple.

“Now we know where he was in such a rush to get too.” Liam jokes as Harry rolls his eyes. He can feel Louis put his arm on the small of his back though, and every witty comeback he had leaves his mind.

“Nice to see you again, boys.” Louis says softly from his spot beside Harry.

“Louis, right?” Zayn asks. Harry can see Louis nod his head out of the corner of his eye. “Take care of Haz, alright?”

“Just having some fun, lads.” Harry says lightly, stepping slightly out of Louis’ touch. It’s not that he doesn’t want the boys to know he has something going on with Louis…it’s just that he really doesn’t want the boys to know he has something going on with Louis. Especially since it’s temporary, temporary. “Are you both off to Cheshire tonight?”

Zayn nods. “Yeah, the girls are demanding I spend the whole break with ‘em.” He turns to Louis. “I haven’t seen them since summer, it’s a bit ridiculous to be honest.”

“That’s awful mate.” Louis says. “I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t see my sisters all the time.” Zayn shrugs. “Well, we don’t want to keep you.”

“I’m sure you don’t.” Liam says slyly. “I’m sure you are just so ready to get out of this very public parking lot.” He gives Harry a look, who winces in response.

“We were just leaving.” Harry insists. “I’ll see you both for New Years, right?”

“Course, wouldn’t miss it.” Liam says without missing a beat before turning to Louis. “You’ll be there, right?” He wiggles his eyebrows. “We always have loads of fun.”

Zayn nods. “We’ve celebrated New Years together every year since we met it seems.” Harry is thankful that Zayn leaves out Harry missing last year, that’s not something he really likes to think about. “You should come, bring your blonde mate if you want.” A smirk forms on his face. “Harry is loads of fun when he’s drunk.”

“Oh trust me, I already know that.” Louis says sassily.

“Okay, okay.” Harry says, finally butting into the conversation. “You lot need to get to Cheshire and we have--things to do.” He stumbles over his words.

“Whatever you say, Haz.” Liam says. “See you in a few weeks.”

Harry has never been more relieved seeing the two boys climb into a waiting car. Turning back to Louis, he starts to grin. “So where were we?”

“Think you were about to eat my face.” Louis says with a straight face causing Harry to pout a bit. “Ready for that movie?” He says gesturing towards the car.

Harry gets in the passenger seat, the radio playing a familiar tune as Louis pulls out into traffic. The song continues and Harry feels himself melting into the comfort that is being in Louis’ presence. He spends the whole song debating about what kind of signal it would be sending to reach over and grab Louis’ hand on the gearshift. They just look so soft. He’s concentrating on a loose string on his sweater instead of his internal debate over whether to hold Louis’ hand when the next song begins. His body immediately tenses, and really, why does the universe hate him so much?

“Can you maybe change the station?” Harry says calmly, hoping that Louis doesn’t know about his past with the singer currently singing about her ‘ex-man’s new girlfriend’.

“Not a fan of Taylor Swift?” Louis asks lightly. Harry grits his teeth while shaking his head slightly. He grabs the loose string, twisting it around his finger. Louis must notice his discomfort because he doesn’t say anything else before turning the dial. Harry relaxes for a second only to realize that her music is playing again.

And it’s that song.

“Oops.” Louis says nervously, scanning through the radio stations. Harry can see his finger shaking slightly, and he honestly is starting to feel a bit bad. He’s about to just suggest they don’t listen to music at all when Louis switches to his aux cable. The car automatically shuffles the playlist and immediately begins playing Taylor Swift.

“Damn it.” Louis says slamming his hand against the mute button. “I’m sorry.”

“So you like her music?” Harry finally asks, trying to keep the mood light. They haven’t even made it to his house yet and he’s already ruining everything.

Louis shrugs nervously. “I mean, I guess.” His voice is a bit shaky as he continues. “Didn’t one of you guys date her last year or something?”

And, nope. He really doesn’t want to have this conversation for the second time in one afternoon.

“Not even in the slightest.” Harry finally utters because he realizes that Louis has no clue about the truth and for some reason Harry really wants him to know. “So, last winter the hype around our first album was finally dying down. We were starting to plan a second album and I was honestly okay with just being with my family and friends for awhile.” He shakes his head, pulling on the loose string gently. “The fame hadn’t gotten to my head per say, but I was looking forward to being out of the spot light for a moment.”

“Understandable.” Louis says softly.

“My management didn’t really care about that though. They thought the musical break was the perfect chance for my ‘personal life’ to become the attention.” Harry exhales deeply. “Obviously, I couldn’t be seen with a boy.” He’s getting frustrated even talking about this or maybe it’s just that this damn string is still hanging from his sweater. “Taylor was on her Red tour and I guess our teams thought it would be perfect for us to be seen together, good publicity, I suppose?”

“A little ‘you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours’ deal?” Louis asks, Harry nodding in confirmation.

“We only went out a few times and never confirmed anything to the press. It was all speculation, but it certainly worked.” Harry continues. “She wasn’t terrible or anything, but we just had nothing in common, and it was like torture having to spend all that time together. Time that I was supposed to be spending with my family.” He cringes thinking of the awkward Christmas he spent with Taylor’s family in America and don’t even get him started on that disastrous excuse for a ski trip that caused him to miss New Years with his family and friends. On the whole, it had been an incredibly lonely and awkward month, which he has no intentions of repeating.

“So all that happened a year ago?” Harry nods. “Why get so upset about listening to her now then?”

Harry yanks hard on the string, finally breaking it loose. “She wrote a song about me on 1989, several actually.”

Harry can see Louis cringe, and really really this is not what he was wanting to discuss tonight.

“It’s just weird, because we never actually dated. There was never anything romantic there.” He shrugs. “She’s in London right now for some holiday concert.” Harry adds miserably, might as well let everything out in the open. “They wanted us to be seen together again.”

“Oh.” Harry can see Louis’ posture stiffen.

“I’m not going too.” Harry says quickly. “I’m smarter than I was last year, legally they can’t make me do anything this year.”

“Is there a reason why they wanted you to do it anyway?”

“I mean there are a lot of reasons.” Harry says slowly, thankful Louis doesn’t ask any more questions. They sit in a few minutes of comfortable silence before Louis speaks.

“So.” Harry looks up from where he had been staring at the rip in his jeans. Louis looks a bit embarrassed. “I just realized I have no idea where I’m going.” Harry snorts. “I’ve just been driving in the general direction of Hampstead.”

Harry feels tension leaving him as he directs Louis towards his flat. This month is going to be fun. He’s not going to have a repeat of last winter.

He’s going to make sure of that.

~

“Do you need anything else to drink?” Harry asks as they rearrange themselves on the couch. He’d somehow managed to convince Louis to watch Love Actually, and Harry’s pretty sure Louis’ been watching Harry’s reactions more than the actual movie, but. Well, what is a man to do?

“I’m good.” Louis says, cuddling closer to Harry. They had started off on the couch with the bowl of popcorn between them. Now, nearing the end of the movie, Harry finds himself nearly on top of Louis, pressed against the back of the couch.

Harry’s going to blame the three beers he’s consumed throughout the movie for what he does next.

He has his head resting on Louis’ shoulder in nearly the perfect position to kiss him.

So he does.

It quickly becomes much more passionate than the one in the hotel room or even the one in the parking lot this afternoon. He can feel Louis moving underneath him, pulling his hands out, one hand in Harry’s hair the other right above his ass.

It’s all just kissing for a little while until Louis gives a particularly rough tug on Harry’s curly hair, which causes Harry to whimper into Louis’ mouth and shift his hips.

“Haz.” Louis says in a guttural voice in between kisses. Harry can feel Louis’ hand move slowly to his ass, cupping it lightly at first before kneading it with more force.

They haven’t exactly talked about sexual limits within the relationship. Harry doesn’t really have a lot of experience in general, especially not of the casual variety. He thinks it might just be better to think with his dick than his brain, and starts to intentionally move his hips slowly up and down from their position against Louis. He’s pretty sure that his knee is brushing against Louis’ dick each time, given the little gasps coming from him.

Harry is working up the bravery to begin pulling at the waistband of Louis’ pants when Christmas music suddenly fills the room. It’s deafening and startles both of the boys. Louis is looking at Harry with wide eyes, as the music continues to get louder.

Turning to stare at the TV, Harry realizes it’s the love confession scene between Juliet and Mark. Looking back at Louis he realizes the remote had gotten sandwiched between them at some point, the volume being turned up, as their movements had gotten more aggressive.

Harry starts laughing because he’s not quite sure what to do. He’s still hovering over Louis, sporting the world’s biggest boner and “Silent Night” is playing in the background.

What is life?

Harry eventually comes to his senses and mutes the TV. He’s unsure as to Louis’ general feelings but given the erection he can still see tenting his pants, Harry’s hopeful.

“Sorry about that.” Harry says nervously, sitting down at the opposite end of the couch.

“What’s that exactly?” Harry watches Louis sit up against the arm of the sofa. He’s got his hands in his lap and he just looks so uncomfortable.

Harry gestures towards the TV and then between the two of them. “Is this okay?”

“I wouldn’t say no to a blow job right now, if that’s what you’re asking.” Louis admits. “Or even a hand job at this point.” Harry can tell Louis wants to touch himself, and that just won’t do.

Harry’s surprised at how easy it is to get Louis off. It’s not like he expected himself to be bad at it, it’s just he hasn’t been with a boy since the band got big. Hasn’t been with anybody since the band got big. And a lot can happen in three years. He’s never really been in a ‘friends with benefits’ type of relationship before.

But once he’s finished the man in front of him off and Louis is licking up and down Harry’s dick like there’s no tomorrow, Harry makes a decision.

He could definitely get used to this.

~
After that it becomes a thing.

Louis comes over. They drink a bit, watch a movie, and get each other off.

Their own version of Netflix and Chill.

Louis never spends the night and Harry never asks him too. There may be some accidental cuddling here and there but really, it’s the perfect arrangement.

And it’s just fun.

The night before Harry is supposed to leave for Cheshire to spend Christmas with his family he and Louis are lounging on the couch, post orgasm bliss still riding high.

“Out of all the places you have left to visit on tour, where are you most excited to go?” Louis asks, resting his arm gently on Harry’s waist.

“Easy.” Harry says. “We’re going to Australia in February. The crew already has this trip planned out to the Great Barrier Reef on my birthday.” Harry can’t help the smile that comes across his face. “I’m fucking stoked.”

“Are you serious? That’s like a bucket list item of mine.” Louis’ giddiness rivals Harry’s.

“I don’t joke about birthday vacations.” Harry says laughing.

“When’s your birthday?” Louis asks.

“First of February.” Harry replies, pulling the blanket off the top of the couch, covering him and Louis.

“I can’t believe you are getting to see the reef.” Louis says, pulling on Harry’s arm so that he turns to face Louis. “Do you know the name of the beach you’ll be coming from?” Harry doesn’t know, but Louis apparently knows a lot about Australia. He tells him of the different beaches, the many species of coral that exist, the best time to visit the reef. It’s clear he’s done his research on the subject. Harry voices this once Louis concludes.

Louis shrugs. “I mean, I’ve just always wanted to go. I’ve always been fascinated by sea life.” He smiles at Harry. “What are you most excited about?”

“The reef is just supposed to be absolutely beautiful.” Harry explains. “Like tons of wildlife and beautiful colors. I’m going to try to get an underwater camera so that I can take pictures.” He sighs. “It’s just going to be the best birthday ever.”

“Seems like it.” Louis says. “But you’ve still got the holidays to get through before then. I’m sure those will be fun as well.”

“I suppose. What are you going to do without me for seven whole days?” Harry jokes.

“Well, tomorrow is Christmas Eve so I’ll probably be tied up in birthday shenanigans myself all day.” Louis says nonchalantly, beginning to stir on the couch.

“No.” Harry whines as Louis gets off the couch and begins searching for his clothes. Harry turns on his side, propping his head up with his arm. “Whose birthday is it?”

“Umm, mine.” Louis says as he pulls his pants on.

Harry sits straight up. “Your birthday?” Louis nods. “Since when is your birthday on Christmas Eve?”

“Since nearly 21 years ago?” Louis jokes. Harry doesn’t laugh. “It’s no big deal, Haz.”

“Lou, I don’t have a present for you.”

“I don’t have a present for you either.”

“Louis.” Harry warns, causing Louis to throw his arms in the air in surrender.

“Okay, I’m sorry for not telling you.” He starts buttoning his shirt up. “We can celebrate when I come to Cheshire for New Years.”

Harry nods his head, yawning as he flops onto the couch on his stomach. “Okay.” He finally says. “I suppose that’ll do. That only gives me a week to get you the best present ever.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something.” Louis says, sitting down on the couch next to Harry’s head as he puts his shoes on.

“It’ll be kick ass.” Harry assures him as he wraps one arm around a couch cushion and rests the other on Louis’ thigh, closing his eyes.

“I’m sure it will be.” Louis says softly.

“Niall and Barbara are still coming too right?” Harry mumbles. He’s excited to see the blonde and his girlfriend. He hadn’t gotten to spend nearly as much time with them in Leeds as he had wanted.

“Course, Haz.” Louis reassures him. “Niall’s practically pissing himself that he gets to come to the childhood home of Harry Styles.” Harry chuckles, rubbing his hand across Louis’ thigh.

“Should I be concerned at his level of excitement?” Harry teases, stifling a yawn as he feels Louis get off the couch.

“Who says he’s the only one that is excited?” Louis’ voice is close and when Harry opens his eyes he sees Louis has leveled himself with Harry’s face. Louis’ face is full of kindness as he brushes his hand gently across Harry’s cheek. “Happy Christmas, yeah?” Harry nods, feeling his eyes shut again.

He’s not quite sure if he imagines the kiss on his forehead, but suddenly he’s alone.

And, it’s not ideal.

He cuddles the couch cushion, desperately trying to convince himself that he didn’t want the snuggly blue eyed boy in his arms instead.

~
“Li, it’s got to be the perfect present.” Harry complains, knocking his head against the window of the department store they had just left.

“We will find it.” Liam says patiently. “What stuff does he like?” He asks for the thousandth time.

“I already told you.” Harry says dramatically. “He likes footie, writing, and apparently our band on a good day.”

Harry had somehow managed to drag Liam out to the local mall five days after Christmas.

Christmas had been fine, wonderful actually. He’d spent Christmas Eve texting Louis birthday puns and Louis had sent Harry pictures of each of his sisters on Christmas morning with their favorite gifts. (He’d also gotten to see his entire extended family for the first time in three years, but details.)

The holiday had been relaxing and wonderful, filled with so many wonderful new memories with his family. Now it’s December 30th though, and Louis is arriving by train from London in exactly 5 hours. And Harry still has no birthday present for him.

“What about a football?” Liam suggests as they pass by a pretzel stand.

“Yes, I’ll give the boy who loves football a football. I’m sure he doesn’t have one.” Harry says flatly. Liam doesn’t respond, which Harry is actually thankful for. They’ve just passed the Selfridges for the 3rd time when he hears Liam snaps his fingers.

“He’s a writer?” Harry turns at the enthusiasm in Liam’s voice. Harry nods. “What about a monogrammed notebook?” Harry isn’t sure. “No, hear me out. Writers are constantly writing shit.”

“Well put, Liam.” Harry interrupts.

“He obviously needs somewhere to write.” Liam continues. “You could get him a really nice monogrammed Moleskine.” Liam’s idea is the best one they’ve had so far, so they quickly make their way to the bookstore. With a quick look at Louis’ twitter account he finds out his middle initial and orders the journal. They have to wait 30 minutes for the monogram to be completed, so the duo sits in a secluded coffee shop.

“It just isn’t enough.” Harry complains. “He deserves more.”

“You’ve literally only known him four months.”

“You’re point?”

“You’ve known me your whole life and you didn’t get me a birthday present this year at all.”

Harry shrugs messing with the salt and pepper shakers sitting before him on the table.

“What exactly is going on with you two?” Liam asks curiously causing Harry to sigh.

“Nothing.” The reply feels automatic and forced, and given the way Liam raises his eye at him he agrees.

“Louis’ just special.” Harry finally utters out. He’s really not in the mood to discuss this and looks out the window of the shop instead. His eyes come to rest on the sign for a travel agent. “I’ve got it.” He stands up suddenly, wincing at the loud screech when his chair moves against the floor. “Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” Liam calls out as he trails behind Harry out of the shop.

Harry turns around, eyes sparkling, when he responds. “Buying the best present ever.”

~
Harry would never admit it but he’s nervous. He’s pacing the parking lot of the train station and he’s panicking just a tiny bit. Louis had convinced him to wait out there, not wanting to cause any mass pandemonium inside the station. He realizes he’s starting to draw attention to himself and quickly climbs back into his car. Exhaling deeply, he closes his eyes as he leans back against the headrest.

Louis’ coming to Cheshire and meeting his parents.

They haven’t exactly discussed their relationship yet, outside of their obvious desire to jump each other’s bones whenever possible. He’s just told his family that a friend he met on tour was coming to visit for the holiday. It’s not that he thinks his family wouldn’t accept Louis. They had been very accepting when Harry came out back in high school. He just doesn’t want to introduce a boy to his family that he knows isn’t going to be around forever.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by a knock on the window. Startled, Harry jumps in his seat as he turns to see who it is. He’s welcomed by the sight of a grinning Louis. Quickly jumping out of the car he engulfs Louis in a hug.

“Welcome to Cheshire.” He says after he loosens his grip, still keeping an arm around his waist.

“Thanks for the invite.” Louis says back smiling softly. His eyes are glittering in the sun light and Harry feels a bit lost for words, unable to think of anything except how pretty the boy in front of him actually is.

“I hope the trip was alright.” He finally utters out.

“Horrible.” Louis says flatly. “We were delayed for construction on the track, there was a crying baby in my car, I couldn’t even fall asleep.” He rattles off each of his complaints with a tick of his hands.

“Couldn’t even fall asleep?” Harry says sympathetically, as he pulls Louis closer to himself.

“So be prepared for me to be a bit grouchy.” Louis warns.

“Grouchy Lou.” Harry laughs, dropping a kiss on the boy’s nose. “Sounds like a character from Sesame Street.”

“Don’t mock me.” Louis whines, burying his face in the crook of Harry’s neck.

“Sorry, babe.” And the nickname is out of Harry’s mouth before he can even take it back. “My mum has a lovely dinner prepared for you.” He says quickly, relinquishing his grip on Louis’ waist. “Better not keep her waiting.”

“Of course not, babe.” Louis says sweetly, moving around the car to the passenger side.

The two boys ride in silence for a few minutes, Harry not quite sure how to broach the subject of their relationship.

“So, I haven’t told my mum about you.” Harry finally says awkwardly. Harry can feel Louis staring at him, but he keeps his gaze straight out the front window.

“Okay?” Louis says slowly. “So who exactly does she think is coming to stay at her house?”

“I mean, I’ve told her about you.” Harry corrects himself. “Obviously.” He bites his lip. “I just mean, I haven’t told her, you know, about us.” Harry can feel his palms getting sweaty from the way he’s gripping the steering wheel a bit too tightly. He’s not quite sure why he feels so nervous.

“Haz, it’s fine, yeah?” Louis puts his hand tentatively on Harry’s shoulder. “We’re just friends, right?”

“I think we are a bit more than that.” Harry mumbles.

“Friends with benefits.” Louis says firmly. “Nothing else.” Harry feels a bit relieved to hear Louis finally confirm his feelings about their relationship. “Of course it wouldn’t make sense for you to tell your mum that.”

“So, just friends around my family?” Harry asks to clarify.

Louis sighs. “Whatever you want, H.”

Harry feels like he should feel a hundred times better now that he and Louis have finally declared their relationship status. And he does. Obviously.

He and Louis are able to absolutely keep the façade of “just friends” up for his family. Harry’s family instantly loves Louis, as he knew they would. Dinner is simple and easy, Louis blending seamlessly into the group. They joke and laugh, and when Louis cheats when they play Scrabble later that night, his mum just looks at him and says “only you, Lou” as if he’s been around forever.

It’s almost a bit too perfect given how temporary this whole situation with Louis is. Harry isn’t quite sure what to make of the fact that Louis is practically a Styles after one evening.

The whole evening he’s plagued with the thought that his mum knows what’s up. She catches him staring at Louis one too many times, and raises her eyebrows and smiles sweetly each time. He’s able to convince himself that he’s just being paranoid until she approaches him at the end of the evening after Louis has already retired up to Harry’s room.

“Louis’ a doll, dear.” His mum compliments as she sits down on the couch next to Harry.

“He is something.” Harry says distractedly, picking at a hangnail on his thumb.

“He’s cute too.” His mum says casually, Harry has to will his body to remain still.

“Why-“ His voice cracks, clearing his throat he tries again. “Why would you say that?” His voice sounds ridiculously high.

“I mean, it’s obvious to everyone that there’s some kind of chemistry between you too.” She says sweetly.

Harry laughs, hoping it doesn’t sound too forced. “Mum, maybe you should get your eyes checked.” He looks down at his fingers in his lap. “Louis and I are just friends.”

Harry can feel his mum’s hand on his shoulder. “Are you sure?” Harry nods, desperately wanting this conversation to end.

“It doesn’t really matter what either of us want anyway.” Harry says before he can tell himself not too. He can hear his mum sigh next to him. “You know it’s true.” Harry says turning to look at her, immediately wishing he hadn’t. She’s got that look on her face. That mum look; the look that states "I wish I could carry this burden for you but I can't and it's killing me". Harry almost feels worse just knowing he's making his mum upset.

“I’m fine.” Harry states, even though she didn’t say anything. He breathes out forcefully. “And quite exhausted.” He starts to get up. “I’m going to head to bed.”

“Goodnight, H.” She says softly, rubbing his back gently before he stands up. "Love you."

Harry quietly makes his way up the stairs, and flops down on his bed. He’s emotionally exhausted and feels a bit like crying and a bit like punching something. He inhales and exhales deeply.

“Alright there?”

Harry shoots up to a seated position. Louis is standing in the corner of the room with only his boxers on.

“Sorry.” He says instantly. “Sorry. I should have knocked.”

“H, you’ve literally seen me naked.” Louis says quietly. “It’s fine.” He pulls the pair of joggers he had been holding on before coming to sit on the edge of the bed. “Everything okay?”

Harry rolls over onto his side and is a bit taken aback at how soft Louis looks. He’s wearing glasses; Harry didn’t even know he wore contacts. He just looks so cute and cuddly and after the conversation he just had downstairs Harry isn’t quite sure what to do with these feelings.

So he grabs Louis’ birthday presents from the bedside table instead.

“Happy Birthday.” Harry says, proudly presenting the gifts.

“Two?” Louis looks at him exasperatedly. “You didn’t even have to get me one.”

“Just open them.” Harry insists. He can feel his hands start to shake a bit, so he sits on them, bouncing lightly on the bed.

“I hope I’m as excited over the presents as you are.” Louis jokes as he opens the one Harry handed to him first. “Harry, this is beautiful. Thank you.” Louis says admiring the monogrammed journal. It turned out just as good as Harry had hoped. “I just finished one of these actually, so it’s perfect timing.” Louis assures him. He keeps running his fingers over the monogram and Harry would be endeared by how hard Louis is trying to convince Harry that he likes the present. Except, now he’s really just focused on the other gift; the one that Louis really needs to like.

“So go ahead.” Harry says as he hands him the small envelope.

“I don’t need another present.” Louis says again, as he breaks the seal, pulling out the piece of paper. Staring at it for a minute, Harry feels his heart is going to pound out of his chest.

“Say something.” Harry whispers.

“Haz.” Louis’ voice is barely a croak. He clears his throat before speaking again. “What is this?” He turns the piece of paper around, displaying the side with writing to Harry, as if he didn’t know what it said.

“It’s a plane ticket.” Harry says nervously. He really hopes he hasn’t just made everything weird.

“Yeah.” Louis says. “A plane ticket to Hamilton Island.” He pauses before continuing. “Australia.”

“Yup.”

“I can’t accept this.” Louis says, handing the ticket back to Harry. “It’s too much.”

Harry’s face scrunches up. “You can’t just deny a present.” He protests. “You said you had always wanted to go.” Louis continues to shake his head, fidgeting with his glasses. “Please, let me give this to you. I care about you.” Harry says quietly. “And I like to do nice things for people I care about.”

Louis stares at the ticket in Harry’s hand before finally putting his hand over Harry’s. “Haz.” Harry looks up into his eyes. “Thank you.” He pauses. “Holy shit, I’m going to Australia.”

Harry breathes out a sigh of relief as Louis pulls him into a hug, rambling excited nonsense. Liam had tried to talk him out of the extravagant gift that afternoon, but clearly it had been a success.

Louis gushes about the trip for a few more minutes before reaching into his bag. “I actually got you a present too.” He says shyly, pulling out a wrapped box. “Merry Christmas, H.”

“Lou, you didn’t need to get my anything.” Harry says, taking the package hesitantly.

“You just presented me with two very lovely gifts.” Louis says, as if that explains his actions.

“Yes, for your birthday.” Harry clarifies, already pulling the ribbon bow off the box.

“Well, then just pretend this is an early birthday present then.”

Harry sighs, taking his time unwrapping the present, until suddenly he’s holding a rather expensive looking waterproof camera in his hands.

“Guess we both had Australia on our minds.” Louis jokes nervously when Harry doesn’t say anything.

“I can’t accept this.” Harry says stubbornly.

“You literally just told me that wasn’t an appropriate response to a gift.” Louis reminds him.

“Yeah, but-“ Harry starts before being cut off.

“Don’t you dare say that you can afford to spend lavish amounts of money.” Louis says defensively. “This camera isn’t as nice as it looks, but even if it was, the money I spend on your gift is none of your business.” Louis says firmly. “Just say thank you.” He flashes a triumphant smile.

“Thank you.” Harry murmurs, a devilish smirk coming across his face.

“What?”

“I have plans for this camera.” Harry says slyly. “We need to test it out, obviously.” He says wiggling his eyebrows at Louis. “The hot tub.”

“Haz.” Louis protests. “It’s nearly 1 in the morning.”

“Exactly, my whole family is asleep.” Harry has already jumped off the bed, and is pulling at Louis’ hand. “Come on, Lou.” He puts the camera right in front of Louis’ face, snapping a photo. “I need to make sure it works before we go to Australia.”

“And we obviously need to do that right now.” Louis murmurs as he takes his joggers off. Harry takes off down the stairs, assuming Louis is following.

The two jump into the hot tub, after they've stripped down to their underpants. The harsh winter air causes goose bumps to form on Harry’s upper body as he sinks into the hot water. He fiddles with the settings for a minute until the jets start. Harry settles against one that blows water directly at a sore spot in his back.

“Selfie time.” Harry says, pulling Louis onto his lap, snapping a photo with his new camera.

“Warn a man, would you.” Louis mutters, getting himself situation on Harry’s lap, wrapping an arm around his neck. “Take another one.” Harry obliges before setting the camera on the edge of the hot tub. He expects Louis to move away, but is pleasantly surprised when the man just shifts in his lap so he can rest his head on Harry’s shoulder.

“Missed you tonight.” Louis says softly. “Missed you all week really.”

Harry buries his nose in Louis’ hair, pulling the smaller man closer to him. “Sorry, we couldn’t do anything in front of my parents.”

“We’re alone now.” Louis murmurs, raising his head so that his lips can easily meet Harry’s. Harry grips one hand on the back of the hot tub, the other resting gently on Louis’ neck. Harry feels Louis move from his lips down to his neck, sucking a mark right below his ear.

“Hey.” Harry says suddenly, moving his neck out of Louis’ reach. “I didn’t bring any turtle necks.”

“Thank God.” Louis jokes, pulling Harry closer to him again.

“What I meant was that I don’t have any shirts that will cover that up.” Harry says in a fake annoyed tone. He really isn’t that upset and could probably be convinced to let Louis continue.

“Guess I’ll just have to suck you in places people can’t see.” Louis says it like a joke, but suddenly Harry feels Louis’ hand palming at his crotch.

“We can’t.” Harry stutters, trying to prevent his hips from moving. “Its my parent’s hot tub.”

“I’m sure we aren’t the first ones to christen it.” Louis surmises.

“Okay. Ew.” Harry says, distinctly not thinking about his parents hooking up in this tub. “First of all—“ He stops abruptly as Louis sticks his hand into the waistband of his boxers. He immediately begins squeezing the base, slowly making his way up to the tip.

“What were you saying?” Louis asks innocently, pushing Harry against the back of the hot tub, bringing Harry’s boxers down to nearly his knees at the same time.

And suddenly Harry feels like his whole body is on fire. He’s got a jet pelting water directly at his hole and the prettiest man he’s ever seen rubbing his dick like there’s no tomorrow.

Harry doesn’t even want to know how long it takes him to come, he’s certain it is an embarrassingly short amount of time for sure. He’s still catching his breath when he hears a click.

Opening his eyes he sees Louis staring at him deviously with the camera in his hand. Harry can’t even get his brain to focus on chastising Louis, because obviously that’s what he should be doing.

Instead he speaks his mind. “We should do this on the Great Barrier Reef.”

“Are you suggesting we film a porno with fish?” Louis smirks. “I didn’t take you to be an exhibitionist.”

Harry snorts. “Don’t be ridiculous.” He closes his eyes, leaning back against the hot tub. “Just some tasteful artwork in Australia.”

Sex in the most beautiful place in the world with the most beautiful person in the world.

“Thanks, love. I’m not sure if everyone else would agree with that statement, but it’s nice to know at least one person does.” Louis says sweetly, as Harry realizes he definitely just said that last thought out loud. “We’ll definitely make use of this camera on that trip.” He adds, the words going straight to Harry’s groin. He’s definitely getting hard again, and he’s definitely going to hell for having sex in his mum’s hot tub.

But as Louis eagerly goes down on his for the second time that night, Harry realizes he hasn’t been this happy in a long time. He tries not to be scared of what that might mean.

~

Niall and Barbara are scheduled to arrive around noon the following day. They had been visiting Barbara’s family after the holidays in Manchester and are making the drive drown to spend the New Year in Cheshire.

“We should have gone to Manchester.” Harry laments as he and Louis walk down the street. They have been a bit aimless all morning, waking up late after their hot tub shenanigans the previous night. “Cheshire has nothing exciting.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“We have a few pubs.” Harry shrugs.

“That will satisfy Niall.” Louis assures him.

“Oh god. I’m sure you’re used to this crazy spectacular fireworks display in London.” Harry can feel himself beginning to panic. He’s not sure when he decided he needed to impress Louis with Cheshire, but he’s sure he’s absolutely failing.

“Haz.” Louis says firmly. Harry feels Louis slip his hand into his, squeezing it. “I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t want to spend time with you.”

“Okay.” Harry gives up. The pair walk in silence for a moment, keeping their hands joined. Harry can feel his hand getting a bit sweaty though, and eventually pulls back. Louis immediately jerks his head in Harry’s direction, giving him a questioning look.

“Uh-“ he stammers, looking around. “That’s McDriver’s Pointe.” Harry says pointing, feeling relief flood into his body. “That’s where everyone would go to make out before we were old enough to drive.” He points to another area in the woods. “And just past there was where we would do bonfires every Friday night in year 10.” Harry remembers that as the last year before things got crazy. He sometimes yearns for the simplicity of year 10, where the biggest worry was whether you had a date to take to the Friday night bonfire.

“I didn’t realize I was getting a tour of all the places you hooked up with previous partners.” Louis says, breaking Harry out of his reverie.

“I didn’t say that I ever hooked up with anybody at any of those places.” Harry says firmly, even though it’s a lie. “Although,” He turns and points at the primary school in the distance, “I did have my first kiss in the tree house of that playground.”

“Really?” Louis asks, interest piqued. “Who was the lucky girl?”

“Poppy Strudder.” Harry says automatically. “We were in year 4 and her friend dared her to kiss me.”

“And how was it?” Louis looks at him expectantly.

“She tasted like bubble gum and had the softest hair I’ve ever felt.” Harry answers truthfully, blushing as he continues. “Until I met you of course.”

“So did you take her to McDriver’s Pointe?” Louis asks, noticeably not acknowledging Harry’s compliment.

“No, she had moved by the time we were old enough to go to McD’s.” Harry shrugs. “I don’t think she was missing out on much though.”

“What, Harry Styles didn’t have a line of boys and girls waiting for him?”

Harry can feel himself blushing. “I mean, I did okay, given that I was a gangly awkward 14 year old.”

“I saw the pictures on your stairwell.” Louis says shaking his head. “I know you were a heart breaker back then, just like you are now.”

“I’m not a heart breaker.” Harry protests.

“What’s your ideal first date?”

Harry feels like his brain is short circuiting. What?

“I’m sorry, what?” Harry asks, trying not to sound as confused as he feels.

“Well you say you didn’t get a lot of action up here, I have to assume that the reason is because the men of Cheshire didn’t know how to take you on a proper date first.”

“Oh.” Harry says, pausing to give himself a chance to think. He can feel Louis pulling on his hand and allows himself to be led blindly. “I guess I don’t want anything too crazy.” He finally begins. “Just like dinner, I suppose. I really like French food. And then maybe star gazing?” He looks up at Louis, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“Why that face?” Louis says softly. “That sounds lovely.”

“Well, it’s just that date is fairly impossible in London.” Harry explains. “All the smog and city pollution. My one chance to have that was when I lived here in Cheshire.” He gestures around, realizing that Louis has walked them closer to the Pointe. “This place is actually perfect for star gazing at night time.”

“Oh, Harold.” Louis says shaking his head, stopping at a rock just overlooking the cliff. He climbs on top of it as he finally releases Harry’s hand.

“What are we doing?” Harry says innocently, already guessing Louis’ plan.

“I’ve got to make sure that your best memory from McDriver’s Pointe is from me, obviously.” He pats the spot beside him on the rock. There isn’t anyone else anywhere around but Harry still feels a bit nervous.

“Not here.” He finally says, pulling Louis off the rock. “I did some very naughty things with Oliver Sanson in year 9 on this rock.” Harry giggles as he pushes Louis against a nearby tree.

“You dirty boy.” Louis says, as he pulls Harry in by his waist. “Any inappropriate memories with this tree?”

“Not yet.” Harry swears, surging his lips against Louis’. They make out lazily for a while against the tree, both of them being startled by a blaring carn horn nearly 20 minutes later.

Harry pushes Louis away rather forcefully, before looking up at the car that had just driven into the Pointe. He relaxes a bit when he sees it’s just Liam and Zayn.

“What are you all doing here?” Harry asks when they pull up next to the couple.

“We stopped at your house and your mum said you were on a walk.” Liam says simply. “Didn’t look like you guys were doing much walking.”

“We stopped for a moment to take in this wonderful view.” Louis says, pointing at the cliff before them.

“I’m sure you were taking in quite a view.” Zayn teases under his breath.

“Zee.” Harry complains. “Stop being rude to my guest. I was just showing him around.”

“So you brought him where we used to come make out in school. That makes perfect sense.”

Harry throws his hands in the air. “It was part of the tour.” He continues stubbornly.

“Will you be showing Barbara and Niall this part of the tour as well?” Liam asks innocently. “I’m sure they would be very happy to see the spot where you deflowered—“

“Stop.” Harry interrupts, blushing slightly when Louis starts snickering. “What’s up with you?”

“Don’t be so uptight, babe.” Louis scolds. “They're just joking.” He leans in to whisper in Harry’s ear. “Besides, I don’t care what you did in the past, because I’m the only one here now.”

Harry feels a tingle shoot straight through his entire body at Louis’ words, his breath making goose bumps form on his neck.

“Okay.” Harry says after a long pause. “Will you drive us back to my house?” Harry asks, turning to Liam.

“Sure, babe.” Liam says, laughing as Harry turns beet red. “Ready to go Zayn?”

“Absolutely babe.” The two break into hysterics as Harry tries to will the redness in his cheeks to subside.

He feels Louis slip his hand into his own. “Ignore them. Just think about last night. Think about Australia.” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at Harry as they slide into the car.

And suddenly, Harry’s face is red for an entirely new meaning.

~

“Another!” Louis demands as he shoves a shot glass in Harry’s hand. Harry downs it quickly, not even asking what it is. He sets his hand down on the table and can feel the bass of the music rocking the wood. He looks up at Louis and has to blink a few times until he comes into focus.

He hasn’t been this drunk in a long time.

“Where did everyone else go?” Harry asks looking around the table. Liam and Zayn had been here, Niall and Barbara too.

“Niall and Babs are dancing.” Louis says gesturing in the direction Harry assumes is the dance floor. “Liam and Zayn left like half an hour ago, bud.” Louis says sweetly, sitting down next to Harry. “You said goodbye to them.” Louis puts his arm around Harry and pulls him closer. “You alright, babe?”

Harry closes his eyes because the lights in the club are making him feel a bit dizzy. Nodding his head he leans back against Louis. “Yeah.” He realizes he doesn’t sound too terribly convincing, so he adds on a stronger “I’m fine.”

He does vaguely remember Zayn and Liam leaving about an hour after the ball dropped at midnight. The group had spent the evening bar hopping around Cheshire before settling in at a little club that Harry’s pretty sure he snuck into back when he was in 16.

The entire club had gone nuts at midnight, couples too drunk and too excited to care about following generally accepted club rules for public indecency. Even Niall had Barbara pushed up against a wall for a few minutes. Harry had been itching to get his hands on Louis, but had settled for a probably inappropriately long hug. After that the night had become a bit of a blur, Harry deciding to drink his frustration away.

Harry turns his body to face Louis, the boy is staring at him with impossibly blue eyes and Harry has never wanted to kiss him more. “You are so fucking pretty.”

Louis breaks into a grin and bites his lip. Harry’s never seen embarrassment on Louis, but it’s pretty endearing. Just like every thing else about the boy. “Pretty smashed aren’t yah, Harold?”

“My name s’not Harold.” Harry slurs, his lip turning into a bit of a pout.

Louis’ grin just widens, causing Harry to wonder if his lips have always been that red. Louis brushes slightly damp curls off Harry’s forehead, the light touch causing Harry to shiver. “Ready to call it a night, love?”

“What about the lovebirds?” Harry asks, gesturing over to the dance floor.

“Niall can grind on Barbara anywhere, anytime he likes.” Louis says automatically, patting Harry’s hand gently. He’s sure that Louis means nothing by his statement, but it just fuels fire in Harry. He’s just so pissed (and maybe it’s the massive amount of alcohol he’s consumed, but he’s going to go with the injustice that is his management team.)

“It’s just not fair, Lou.” Harry says rather loudly.

“What’s not fair?” Louis asks.

“Niall and Barbara just get to flaunt their relationship. Like, I would do anything to be able to parade yo—or I mean like, a boy around like that.” Harry has a hard enough time saying his thoughts clearly when he isn’t drunk. He shouldn’t be allowed to make these sorts of confessions while in this state.

Harry can hear Louis sigh from his position beside him. “Soon, Haz.” He feels his hand slide lower from its position on his shoulder to his lower back. “So so soon, babe.”

Harry rests his head on Louis’ shoulder and allows himself to be comforted by the light zig zag pattern Louis is tracing on his back. Louis’ hand eventual stills, prompting Harry to ask, “Just take me home, yeah?”

The ride home is quiet; Barbara and Niall manage to steal the two seats next to each other in the taxi, leaving Harry to sit next to them and Louis in the front seat. Niall and Barbara spend most of the ride making out and Harry can’t help but grow frustrated. It’s not directed at Niall and Barbara, he’s just drunk and upset and to be quite honest, very angry.

It's just this whole holiday is all about change and new beginnings and Harry can't help but feel like he's never going to get that. He's going to forever be stuck, pretending to be a person that his management team wants him to be. And it's just a bit depressing to think about all at once. He knows he wasn't this unhappy six months ago, heck even a month ago he was still fairly okay with the fact that his team thought that his best course of action to be successful was to hide one of the most important parts about himself. Somewhere deep down he knows that this change in attitude probably has something to do with Louis. Like, maybe for the first time since he joined the band he has an actual reason to want to change the "five year plan" his team had so carefully laid out so many years before.

That's more than a bit scary to think about though, especially given how temporary and uncommitted their relationship appears to be. That someone could come in and change everything in such a short amount of time. Harry's mind is just racing and it's honestly a bit overwhelming, so he chooses to lay his head against the cold window of the taxi instead and pray that the driver will get the group home before Niall and Barbara progress any further. Everything else will just work itself out right? It has too.

Niall and Barbara pass out on the fold out couch almost immediately once they return to Harry’s home. Harry doesn’t want to stick around to witness anything that might happen, and quickly pulls Louis up the staircase.

He waits until Louis shuts the door behind him before pouncing. Suddenly he can’t get close enough to Louis, wanting all of his clothes off immediately.

“Hey.” Louis says playfully, laughing into Harry’s neck.

“Wanna be with you.” Harry murmurs possessively, as he walks Louis backwards towards the bed. His movements are a little too harsh and he knows he’s gripping Louis a little too tight. It’s just like now that they are alone he wants to mark ownership. (Somewhere deep in the back of his mind warning bells are going off- since when is Louis Harry's to begin with?)

“You are with me.” Louis jokes in between kisses. “You’ve got me.”

Harry guides Louis back until he’s lying on the bed, Harry climbing on top so that his knees are bracketing Louis’ waist. He waits until he’s leaning down to whisper in Louis’ ear. “I want you to be in me.”

Harry can feel Louis still underneath him. “You sure, Haz?” The couple hasn’t done that yet, and Harry can hear Louis’ hesitancy.

“Yes.” Harry says more sharply than he intends too. “I've had so much taken from me, I want to have this with you.” Harry had been angry so he’s taken a bit off guard when he feels tears brimming in his eyes.

“Listen, Haz.” Louis says, gently pushing his hands against Harry’s chest so that he’ll get off before guiding him to rest beside him. “I want that too.” He reaches down and takes Harry’s hand in his, squeezing it. “With you.” He raises their entwined fingers up to his lips and gives it a quick kiss before bringing them to rest on his chest. “But not tonight.” He ends gently. “You’re angry and upset and tonight, you just deserve a good cuddle.” Louis concludes, turning on his side and opening his arms. Harry takes the invitation and turns around, instantly feeling Louis’ arm around his waist.

Looking back, Harry is going to see this night as a turning point. The night that Louis officially became more than just a boy he liked to hook up with.

Even as tears begin to slowly make their way down his cheek Harry finds himself smiling. “I’m so fucking happy I met you.” Harry can hear himself slurring his words and really hopes that Louis doesn't think this is just drunk gibberish. He puts his hand overtop of the one Louis had placed on his waist. “So fucking happy.”

Chapter Text

“Can we maybe forget last night happened?” Harry asks, staring down into the dark liquid in his mug. Just staring at the tea sloshing around makes him feel nauseous. The waves in the mug are nothing compared to the way his stomach feels like it’s about to turn itself inside out.

Harry can hear Louis sigh from his space across the table. “Haz.” Harry doesn’t raise his head to meet Louis’ eyes because frankly he’s scared to see the pity they will undoubtedly be holding.

Harry is usually quite happy at his ability to remember his drunken antics despite the mass amounts of alcohol he’s consumed, but ever since he’d woken up 30 minutes earlier, tear stains still visible on his pillowcase, Harry’s wanted nothing but to forget.

He’s not even entirely sure if he can pinpoint the exact reason why he feels so embarrassed about the previous night. He’s voiced his opinions regarding his forced closeting to Louis before, heck, he even cried to him on the phone about it the night he came out to him.

Its just last night was different. It was intimate in a way that is unlike any of the other times they’ve been together. It makes Harry’s skin itch a bit thinking about how vulnerable he was and how Louis rejected his advances anyway.

“Harry.” Louis’ voice brings Harry out of his thoughts and he raises his head to finally meet Louis’. The boy has purple circles under his eyes and his skin looks a bit pasty; Harry’s sure he probably looks worse.

“What, Lou?” Harry snaps.

“You do know I wanted to sleep with you last night, right?” And, thank goodness Harry’s parents are out of the house. That is not something Harry would have liked to explain if they had overheard the conversation. Niall and Barbara are still sleeping in the next room though, so they really shouldn’t be discussing this.

“Shit, Louis.” Harry says, resting his head in the palms of his hands. It’s pounding in a way that he’s hoping maybe if he squeezes it hard enough it’ll just implode.

“I just-I…” Louis is stammering and Harry refuses to look up. “I just didn’t want our first time to be a mistake.” Harry snorts into his hand. “I know we are just hooking up for fun, but,” he pauses, “sleeping with someone like that means something.” He lowers his voice as he continues. “At least for me.” Harry can hear him audibly lick his lips. “I just didn’t want to mess anything up because you were angry and looking for affection.”

Harry raises his head immediately at Louis’ words. “Angry and looking for affection?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Harry can see Louis getting nervous and trying to back track his words.

“No, I totally get it.” Harry interrupts. “I’m crazy and emotionally damaged and you did yourself a favor by turning me down last night.” He gets up and begins pacing the kitchen floor. “You know, we can just go ahead and call this whole thing off. No need to drag it on for another month.” Harry continues.

“Is that what you want?” Louis’ voice is quiet.

“Of course it’s not what I bloody want.” Harry can’t help the bit of rage he feels. “You are so confusing.”

“Me?” Louis’ laugh is a bit manic. “I’m the confusing one? I’ve been nothing but honest. You’re the one who has all these crazy rules so no one finds out about us.” Louis sounds a bit bitter, which is a bit confusing to be honest. Like, does Louis actually want to tell people about them? “It’s exhausting trying to keep up.”

“I’m just protecting you.” And myself, Harry mentally adds as he comes to a stop by the kitchen sink, bracing himself on the counter.

“Well, stop, alright?” Harry can hear the screech of Louis’ kitchen chair against the linoleum. His voice seems closer when he continues, “I’m sorry.”

“I threw myself at you last night.” Harry says softly, because really, that’s what this argument is about. Harry’s fucking embarrassed. “I threw myself at you, and you completely turned me down.” Harry can hear Louis’ footsteps still as he reaches Harry at the counter. Harry bows his head so he doesn’t have to look at him.

“Imagine being me, getting propositioned only because you were so fucking angry at being in the closet.” Harry winces at Louis’ words. He knows it’s true.

“I’m sorry too.” Harry finally utters. He keeps his head down, but can feel Louis put a tentative hand over his own.

“So, we’re good?” Louis asks, his voice a bit shaky. Harry nods his head and instantly feels Louis’ chin come down to lock over his shoulder, his arms quickly follow suit, coming to rest around his waist.

Harry turns his head and easily meets Louis’ lips. They kiss sweetly until it isn’t enough for Harry. Turning his whole body around, Harry wraps his arms around Louis, pulling him tighter as he runs his tongue against Louis’ bottom lip. Louis keeps pushing Harry up against the counter top, trying to get their bodies impossibly close until Harry’s elbow bangs into a pot on the drying rack.

“Shit.” Harry says into Louis’ mouth. “Upstairs.” Louis doesn’t argue and quickly begins pulling the boy towards the staircase. Bypassing a still sleeping Niall and Barbara the duo clamber up the stairs as quietly as they can.

Once they are in Harry’s room, Louis pulls Harry’s shirt off before pushing him onto the bed.

“Eager.” Harry murmurs as he pulls Louis on top of him. Louis takes his own shirt off and then begins latching his lips onto every visibly space of Harry’s chest. He mouths over his nipples, causing Harry to shiver and goose bumps to form all over his exposed skin.

It isn’t until nearly half an hour later, when both of them are completely undressed that Louis hesitates. He has pulled a condom out of his bag and Harry’s searching his bedside table for lube.

“Are you sure?”

Harry finds the lube and settles back down on his back before responding. “Yes.” He pulls Louis back in for a kiss. “Yes, yes, yes.” He punctuates each word with a kiss to Louis’ chest, neck, and cheek. “I’m not angry, I want this.” He arches his back in an attempt to grind up into Louis. “This is the right time.”

Louis’ smile is so soft and so genuine; Harry can’t help reflecting an equally cheesy grin back.

“Okay, then.”

~
“So I posted a new blog this morning.” Louis says the following Wednesday evening. He’s got his laptop balancing on one thigh, Harry’s head resting on the other. It’s the first night they’ve been together since Louis left Cheshire. Harry had been a bit worried about tonight. He wasn't expecting it to be awkward per say. They had left Cheshire on good terms, great terms actually. Harry couldn’t quite keep his hands off Louis after New Years morning, which had made for some interesting meals with his parents. The secrecy had almost become a bit of a game, a game that Harry and Louis both enjoyed playing.

Tonight is just different. It's been a night full of different ways of intimacy and affection than normal. Louis had run his fingers through Harry’s hair as they watched a movie, Harry slipping his hand gently into Louis' free one. It hasn't been bad, not by any means. It’s simple and sweet, and Harry has to say, he’s rather content just being in Louis’ company.

“Really?” Harry asks with interest, bringing himself to a sitting position. He’s still kept up with the posts throughout the winter break because he still honestly finds them so interesting. “What’s it about?”

Louis grabs his hand and squeezes it lightly as he passes over the laptop. Harry is a bit confused at Louis’ behavior until he reads the title.

Hollywood’s Effect: Celebrities Forced in the Closet

“Shit.” Harry says before he can even filter his thoughts.

“Is it too much?” Louis asks. Harry can feel his grip on his hand tightening, and getting slightly clammy. Turning to look at him, Harry sees doubt plastered all over the boy’s face.

“Let me read it, yeah?” Harry says, turning back to the screen. As usual, it’s incredibly well written and quite unbiased, even though Harry knows Louis has quite the opinion on the topic. He gives reasons why forced closeting is a tactic used in the industry and the emotional distress it can have on celebrities and fans alike.

Harry’s favorite line by far comes near the end.

It’s the worst sense of irony. Celebrities have such an incredibly huge platform to encourage young fans to be themselves, to not try to fit a mold, to not be someone they aren’t. How can they say that genuinely though if they themselves are constantly being told that who they are, is in fact, not good enough?

It’s just so real. And honestly, Harry wishes he could print it out and staple it to every surface of his management’s office.

“You wrote this for me?” Harry finally asks. His question is a bit unnecessary. Even if it wasn’t written exactly about him, it’s timing is impeccably close to his bit of a breakdown on New Years.

“I just want you to know that I don’t agree with what they are doing to you.” Louis shrugs a bit. “That this is a social injustice that needs attention.”

“It’s only temporary.” And wait. Why the hell is he defending them? The fact that this is his automatic response about his forced closeting is actually a bit alarming.

“Actually.” He says loudly. “You’re fucking right.” He turns to look at Louis. “Thank you for writing this. Fuck, maybe someone will read it and actually think about all the shit that some people have to go through.” He pulls Louis into a hug and feels Louis’ arms latch onto his waist. “And how it’s such a load of crap.”

“You’re so strong, babe.” Louis murmurs into his ear. “So much stronger than you give yourself credit. One day everyone will know how amazing you actually are.”

“Until then, I’ve got you, right?” Harry says, pulling away from the hug slightly. They lock eyes for a moment and then Louis pulls him back in. They get resituated on the couch, Harry still in Louis’ arms. He’s strong and sweet and Harry’s certain he’s never going to be happier than when he is with this boy.

“Wanna watch another movie?” Louis finally asks.

“I think I just want to lay here with you for awhile.” Harry says honestly, feeling a tad bit vulnerable.

“Sounds perfect.” Harry can feel Louis press a kiss to his temple. Closing his eyes, Harry allows himself to relax.

“I’m probably going to fall asleep.” Harry mumbles a few minutes later.

“That’s fine, babe.” Louis says, nuzzling his nose behind Harry’s ear. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Harry’s heart might skip a few beats when he wakes up the next morning, sore neck and all. Louis’ still form is underneath him. And shit, sleeping Louis is easily Harry’s newest favorite version of him. His pale skin is soft beneath Harry’s fingers as he caresses his arm lightly. His mouth is slightly open, eyelids fluttering in the last stages of sleep. Harry runs his finger gently along the stubble that has accumulated overnight on his chin.

Louis’ eyes open slowly, and a small smile immediately forms on his face. “Morning.” He croaks out, voice still sleep raspy.

“You stayed.” Harry says, even though it’s obvious. He hopes the smile on his face doesn’t look too ridiculous.

Louis bites his lip. “Well you asked me too, didn’t you?”

The duo have a quiet breakfast, where Harry realizes he has absolutely no food left in his flat. Louis leaves shortly afterwards to go watch his sisters for the day since they are still on winter holiday as well.

Louis kisses Harry goodbye, and it isn’t until Louis’ car is pulling out of the driveway that Harry realizes this was the first time Louis had spent the night at his flat (and they hadn’t even fooled around.)

Not quite sure what to do with that revelation, Harry pushes it out of his mind and starts making a grocery list. Harry hates going to the grocery store. He hates being that celebrity, but after having one too many unflattering pictures of him in Tesco’s posted all over the “Daily Mail” he’s just decided it isn’t worth the trouble. He usually orders food from a delivery service, but in desperate times like today he sucks it up and goes himself.

It takes him a few hours to pull himself together, and he’s just pulled into the parking lot when his phone starts ringing. He can’t keep himself from smiling as he answers it.

“Hey, Lou. What’s up?” Harry is opening his door, making sure his hair is tucked up underneath his beanie as much as possible.

“Harry.”

The one word of panic stops Harry right in his tracks.

“Is something wrong?” Harry asks immediately, hearing some shrieking in the background.

“So I’m watching the girls today and we came to their school playground.” Harry can hear a female voice start to say something when Louis cuts her off. “Lottie stop it. Anyway,” his voice is louder now. “We’re at this park and Daisy fell off the monkey bars.”

And now the shrieking in the background makes sense.

“How can I help?” Harry asks, already getting back into his car.

“I need to take her to the A&E, I think she broke her arm.” Harry can hear Louis comfort someone who he assumes is Daisy in the background. “We walked here though, and I don’t want her to walk back home.” He sighs. “Are you anywhere near Borehamwood?”

“I can be there in 15 minutes.” Harry says, even though he knows its closer to a 25 minute drive, he’ll speed. Harry hangs up with Louis, so that he can text him the address of the primary school.

By the time he gets there 18 minutes later, Harry’s hoping that Louis has explained he’s friends with the singer from Sonic Boom so that awkwardness can be avoided. Once he gets out of the car he realizes that clearly hasn’t happened.

“Holy shit.” A tall pretty girl with blonde hair spits out.

“Lottie.” Louis calls out in a warning tone.

“Holy shoot.” Lottie corrects herself. “You’re Harry Styles.”

“I am.” Harry says, trying to keep the situation calm. There are a few other kids on the playground and he really doesn’t want this to get out of control. “I’m here to drive you to the hospital?” He motions to his car. “Everyone wanna go ahead and get in?”

Louis is holding Daisy, so Harry has to do most of the corralling of the sisters into the car. Once he gets them all in and buckled in the back seat, he helps Louis settle into the front seat with Daisy in his lap.

“Alright, sweetheart?” Harry asks as he pulls the seatbelt over their chests. She nods her head slowly, tearstains slowly drying on her cheeks. He looks up at Louis. “How are you holding up?”

Louis looks like he’s also close to tears. “Thanks for coming to get us. My mum is at work and the weather was so nice that we just decided to walk. She literally plays on those monkey bars every day.” He’s getting rambly and Harry isn’t sure what it says about him that he knows Louis rambles when he’s nervous.

“Lou.” He catches Louis’ eye, putting his arm on his shoulder. “She’s okay. She’s going to be fine. We’re headed to the hospital. You’re good. Okay?” Harry squeezes his shoulder and Louis nods his head.

“Just get us to there, yeah?”

“Can do.” Harry quickly shuts the door and walks to the driver’s side. He gives Daisy full control of the radio on the way to the hospital, trying to distract her from the pain in her arm. They are nearly there when the newest Taylor Swift single starts playing.

Harry looks over at the passenger seat and sees the way Daisy’s face immediately lights up.

“Oh Dais,” Louis starts. “I think we need to change—“

“No.” Harry says sharply. “No, it’s fine.” He stops at a stop light, turning in the seat to look at Daisy. “You like this song?” The little girl smiles, nodding her head. “Then we better turn it up.”

Harry turns it up and focuses on reading the bumper stickers on the car in front of them. He’s trying to decipher what a slightly scratched off one is saying when he feels a hand gripping on top of his.

Looking over at the duo in the front seat, he sees Daisy singing along to the song softly. Louis has a rather astounded look on his face that breaks into a grin when his eyes meet Harry’s.

Thank you, Louis mouths. Harry turns his hand over and allows Louis to slide his fingers through his, squeezing it a few times before letting it stay on the center console the rest of the ride.

Once they reach the hospital Harry agrees to stay with Louis’ sisters while he goes back into the exam room with Daisy. The girls demand to go to the gift shop to get Daisy a present. They spend an extraordinarily long time arguing over the gifts until Harry finds a stuffed dolphin that says “we dolphinity love you”. A sucker for puns he’s able to convince the girls it’s the perfect gift and once picking out a matching balloon the group head back towards the waiting room. The TV distracts the girls for about three minutes before they start pestering Harry with questions.

“So how did you meet Lou?”

“Is Liam single?”

“Are you dating anyone?”

“Woah, girls.” Harry says laughing. They all gather around him, one on the floor, the youngest climbing into his lap, while Lottie sits in the seat next to him. “Louis and I met in America.” He begins, giving the G rated version of their relationship.

“So is Liam single?” Lottie asks again, after Harry concludes his story.

“As far as I know.” Harry answers truthfully.

Lottie nods. “What about Zayn?” Harry nods. “And you?”

Harry bites his lip, pausing for a minute before answering. “Yup.”

Lottie looks a bit disappointed when she responds with a simple “oh”. Harry doesn’t have time to decipher her behavior because Louis reemerges from a door, and all the girls run to him. Harry’s thankful the focus is finally off him. He reaches Louis as he is speaking.

“—broke her wrist.” Harry looks at Louis and sees he looks exhausted. “She’s got a cast on, but she’s coming home tonight. We are just waiting on mum to get here to fill out all her insurance information.”

“Can we go see her?” Phoebe asks, clearly missing her twin.

“Of course,” Louis says, smiling. “You just have to be gentle with her.” He lets the girls through the door before looking to Harry. “You don’t have to stay.” Harry tries to not frown at his words, but he feels oddly offended. “I mean, I just know you didn’t plan to stay at the A&E all afternoon.”

“We got Daisy a present, and I for one want to see her face when she sees the hilarity of the pun.” Harry says proudly, giving the dolphin to Louis for him to read. Instead of laughing Louis stares at the stuffed animal for a minute before looking back up at Harry.

“Did the girls tell you?” Harry shakes his head, confused. “Dolphins are her favorite. She’s got a whole collection of stuffed ones at home. She’ll love this.” Before Harry even knows what’s happening Louis is pulling him into a hug and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. It sweet and seems more intimate than all the kisses they’ve shared.

Harry’s ignores the way his stomach starts doing flip flops and squeezes Louis’ waist before releasing him. “So let me go be the hero presenting her with the best present ever.”

Harry follows Louis and the girls back into the A&E where Daisy proudly shows off her new purple cast and squeals when she receives the stuffed animal. Harry sits in a chair in the corner and just watches Louis interact with his sisters. It’s really, quite honestly, the most precious thing about Louis so far, which is saying something. He’s just so good with them, and so incredibly patient, even as Harry’s own patience grows thin. Louis tells them story after story, while they wait, to keep them entertained. The group is just starting to get a bit restless right as their mum shows up.

“I didn’t know we knew a popstar.” She says after she’s greeted all her children and is holding a sleepy Daisy in her arms.

“I’m Harry Styles, ma’am.” Harry says nervously, holding out his hand. She awkwardly shakes it, but returns his grin.

“Jay Tomlinson.” She says back. “So you must be the reason why Louis ditched us his entire winter holiday thus far.”

Harry feels the grin slide off his own face, looking back and forth between Jay and Louis.

“I’m kidding, sweetheart.” Jay finally says. “I’m happy Louis has found someone that makes him happy.”

“Oh, we aren’t together mum.” Louis says quickly. Harry can feel himself becoming rapidly uncomfortable as he realizes all the little ears in the room as well as the thin curtain separating their group from the rest of the A&E.

“I’m so sorry.” Jay says, her turn to look embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to assume.” She looks at Louis carefully before continuing. “Louis has just had some very nice things to say about you.”

“Does he now?” Harry asks, trying to joke around.

“Oh, absolutely.” Lottie joins in. “He never shuts up about you. Although he never mentioned his Harry was Sonic Boom’s Harry.”

“Just didn’t want to complicate anything for Haz.” Louis says, clamping a hand down on Harry’s shoulder.

“Well, it’s lovely to meet you, and the secret is safe with us, right girls?” Jay’s tone of voice has all the little girl’s heads nodding. “And thanks again, so much for helping Lou get Daisy to the hospital.”

“It was no problem, really.” Harry assures her. “I was happy to help.”

“With so many little ones around, some one is always getting hurt.” Jay confides. “I’m just happy that everything is okay.” Harry smiles, biting his lip. “Right. Time to get this one home.” She says gesturing to the sleeping girl in her arm. “I have a feeling we are going to have a long couple of days adjusting to this cast.”

Harry follows the family outside and waits for all the girls to get into the family car. “I guess I’ll see you later?” Harry says awkwardly.

“Can I come with you?” Louis asks softly. Harry nods, slightly confused.

“Of course, I just thought you’d want to be with Daisy.”

Louis shakes his head, leaning in closer. “All I want to do is take all your clothes off and fuck your incredibly charitable arse.” Harry’s eyes widen and Louis laughs at him.

“Is this about the dolphin?”

“Your ‘do gooder’ attitude is like the biggest turn on.” Louis leans into whisper, palming Harry lightly through his pants. “Go start the car.”

Harry just gulps and makes sure that his mouth isn’t hanging open. Louis quickly runs to say good bye to his family and Harry follows orders. He can see Louis talking quite animatedly with him mum, but the boy doesn’t mention anything about it once he makes it over to Harry’s car.

“Everything okay?” Harry asks and Louis shuts the door behind him.

“Perfect.”

And if they don’t even make it out of the parking lot, well, Harry’s pretty sure that public indecency doesn’t count if you’re in a car with tinted windows.

When they finally make it back to Harry’s flat, they fall straight into bed. It feels so natural and Harry’s surprised to know that he already has preferences and he’s even more surprised to realize that Louis knows them.

Late that night, Louis is cuddling Harry from behind.

“I’m so tired.” Louis whispers against Harry’s neck.

“Today was exhausting.” Harry agrees.

“I’m falling asleep.”

“Okay.”

~

Harry discovers that Louis is a songwriter by accident on a lazy Sunday morning in the middle of January.

Louis had spent the night again (Harry chooses to ignore the fact that this keeps happening recently). They had woken up and decided to cook brunch and make mimosas.

A bottle of champagne and two orgasms later Louis had crooned out a bit of a crude song dedicated to his morning boner. Harry would be lying if he said the song didn’t turn him on even more than he already was.

Harry’s laying next to Louis on his bed, curled up into his side. Louis’ got his arm around Harry and he’s pretty certain that he never wants to move.

“That song you wrote was” he pauses “interesting.” Harry quirks once they’ve both caught their breathes.

“Sometimes inspiration just comes to me.” Louis teases, kissing Harry’s forehead. “Like the idea of sticking my dick in your arse. It just does something to me.”

Harry remains quiet for a while; biting his lip while he sorts out exactly what he wants to say. The lyrics had been interesting, yes, but they had also been really catchy.

“Have you ever thought of songwriting?” Harry finally asks. “Like professionally?”

Harry can feel Louis laughing against his side almost immediately.

“Song writing, Haz?” Louis wheezes. “How much champagne did you have?”

“Not that much.” Harry says stubbornly, even though his head is still pleasantly fuzzy from the drinks they had earlier. “I liked your song.” He insists. “It was catchy.”

“It was an embarrassment to music.” Louis corrects.

“Have you done any other writing outside of your blog?” Harry asks, genuinely intrigued given how easily Louis had come up with words earlier.

Louis shrugs. “I’ve written a bit of poetry.” He says nonchalantly.

“Can I read it?” Harry asks eagerly. Louis nods and stretches over to the floor bedside the bed, where he had dropped his overnight bag. Harry smiles when he sees Louis pull out the Moleskine he had gotten for Christmas. The boy opens it and flips a few pages before stopping.

Harry takes the notebook and begins reading.

My hands, your hands
Tied up like two ships
Drifting, weightless

Waves try to break it
I’d do anything to save it
Why is it so hard to say it?

“Lou.” Harry says slightly breathless after he finishes reading. “This is wonderful. You are so talented.” He shakes his head. “Why didn’t you tell me you were so good at this?”

Louis shrugs, a slight pink color coming across his cheeks. “I’m not that good. Its just words.”

“It’s just a song.” Harry says simply. “Would you mind if I showed these lyrics to the guys?” Louis’ eyes widen. “I think this could definitely be turned into a song.” Harry wants to read through more of the journal but stops himself.

Privacy. That’s a thing.

“We’ve been trying to have a more mature sound for the next album.” Harry continues. “These lyrics are great, you have to come to the studio with me the next time we brainstorm.”

Harry tries to suppress the bubbles in his stomach as Louis’ cheeks blush. “I mean, if you think so.” Louis stutters.

Harry grabs his hand. “Absolutely.” Louis’ blue eyes are glittering and suddenly Harry has never been more attracted to him. He puts the journal aside as he sits up in bed. Straddling Louis, he starts leaving kisses down his neck and chest. “You have huge talent.” He accentuates each word with a kiss.

“You do flatter me, Styles.” Louis says as he wraps his hands around Harry’s neck. Feeling Louis grind upwards, Harry can barely suppress a groan of arousal.

(It isn’t until much later, after both boys have been sated again, that Harry starts to wonder whether Louis had written that poem about their relationship. It had obviously been written since Christmas when Harry gave him the journal. He chooses to believe it isn’t because quite frankly, he’s not sure what he would do if it were. January 26th is rapidly approaching. Harry’s about to go on tour for the next five months; whatever it is, it’s ending.)

~

Things between Louis and Harry are fine until they suddenly aren’t.

It’s nearing the end of January when things start to get a bit tense. Harry thinks that Louis is maybe starting to come to terms with the fact that their month long affair is essentially ending and is starting to pull away. Louis’ distance is unnerving to Harry, but they still end up in his bed nearly every night so he doesn’t question anything. It isn’t until the day before he’s supposed to leave for Australia that things finally come to a head. It starts just like it all started, with a tweet.

Louis had come over to Harry’s flat, bringing a thank you bracelet that Daisy had made for him. Harry had immediately put it on and then promptly taken his and Louis’ clothes off. Maybe it was the fact that they knew today was the last day, but it felt like Louis was a bit rougher with him than normal. They had managed to come three times each, a feat that Harry finds incredibly impressive. The duo had slept away most of the afternoon after that, Harry only getting up half an hour ago to shower.

Harry is just running a towel through his shower-wet hair when he hears his phone chirp, signaling a new tweet.

Louist95: “Every time you get undressed, I hear symphonies in my head”

Quoting the Jason DeRulo hit in generally probably wouldn’t have gotten Harry that upset, in fact, if he’s being quite honest, it’s probably the closest thing he’s gotten to a compliment from Louis.

It’s the attached picture that really pisses him off (and maybe also confuses him. Quite a lot, if he’s being honest.) It’s just been taken today; with the bracelet Louis had given Harry clearly visible on his wrist. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, the muscles in his back and arms flexing as if he had been pushing himself up. The light is hitting Harry’s skin just right or maybe it’s a filter. It’s not a revealing picture in anyway, Harry’s certain that if anyone else had posted it he would have liked it and kept scrolling. However, knowing that it’s his naked back that’s on Louis’ twitter for all to see, he can’t quite think straight as anger fills his veins.

“What the hell is this?” Harry yells at Louis, who is in the en-suite. After Harry had showered, Louis had decided to as well. He also had apparently decided to snap a picture of Harry without a shirt on and send a few words out to his thousands of Internet followers as well.

“What’s the matter?” Louis’ voice is a bit muffled through the door. He opens it up and Harry is momentarily taken aback with how attractive the man before him is. His skin is still a bit flushed from the hot shower and he’s still wrapped in a towel. The man has a concerned smile on his face.

“What is this?” Harry repeats, shoving the phone in his face.

“Haz.” Louis laughs lightly. “No one knows that it’s you.” Louis seems way too nonchalant about the fact that he just posted a nearly nude photo of a very closeted popstar on his twitter. A very closeted popstar that he had already gotten into a very public spat with not even two months ago.

“You can’t just do that.” Harry spits out. “You don’t know my fans.” He starts pacing the length of the bed. “You’ve got to delete it. I’m going to get in so much trouble.”

“H, calm down.” The smile has left Louis’ face. “I’ll delete it, but just calm down.” He sits down on the bed and starts fiddling with his phone.

“You don’t understand.” Harry says, voice still clearly displaying his panic. “I’ve posted pictures of my bedroom before, they’re going to be able to figure it out. So many of my followers already follow you. This is a disaster.”

“Would that be the worst thing?” Louis asks softly from his place on the bed.

“To be outed against the wishes of my management by a random boy I slept with?” Harry asks bitterly. “Yes, I think that would be pretty high on the list of ‘worst things’.” The room is quiet for a moment as Harry continues to refresh his twitter until the tweet no longer appears.

Sighing in relief he flops onto the bed, not noticing the stiff posture of the boy next to him.

“Random boy you sleep with?” Louis’ voice sounds a bit distant and very small.

“You know what I mean.” Harry says distractedly. He’s still a bit freaked out about the photo and the possible implications it may have on his career. He can hear his phone chiming on the bed next to him, meaning that shit is already going down. He chooses to ignore it for now.

“No apparently I don’t.”

“You know what you mean to me.” Harry retorts back. He really doesn’t want to get into this tonight. It’s their last night together before he goes on tour.

“Harry.” Louis says lowly. “I was going to ask you to go on a proper date with me tonight.”

“A date?” Harry feels his stomach flutter uncomfortably.

“Well, yeah.” Louis looks a bit uncomfortable and generally, Harry finds himself trying to assuage the boy when he’s uncomfortable but tonight all he can do is stare.

“Why?” Harry blurts out without thinking, wincing when he sees the look of hurt come across Louis’ face. He hadn’t meant to sound so tactless. “I mean, I’m leaving tomorrow, why now?”

“Haz, you can’t be this dumb.” Louis starts pacing the bedroom. “I planned something.” Harry can see him biting his lip. “I was going to take you to that French bakery you like so much and then go to the Observatory in Greenwich.” Harry doesn’t respond so Louis continues. “To go star gazing?”

The date.

Harry’s certain he can’t exactly breath as he realizes what Louis was planning. “You were planning my ideal first date?” Louis nods. “But I’m leaving tomorrow.” Harry repeats. This just doesn’t make sense.

“What if I came with you?”

“You are coming with me. You’re meeting me in Australia remember?” Harry says, trying to keep his tone light.

Louis looks uncomfortable as he continues. “I meant, what if I came for the whole thing.”

Harry laughs uncertainly, something twisting unpleasantly in his stomach. “Lou, you have school.”

“I could take the semester off, graduate in the fall instead of the spring.” He moves from his spot at the end of the bed to the middle, awkwardly sitting cross-legged in his towel before continuing. “I talked with Niall about it and he thinks we should try to make it work.”

“Lou.” Harry says slowly. “We agreed this would be casual.” Harry’s trying not to let the panic he’s suddenly feeling show in his voice.

“I’m not asking you to bloody marry me.” Louis snaps, causing Harry to withdrawal, curling in on himself. When Louis talks again his tone is softer. “You don’t casually ask your” he pauses “person to fly half way across the world to spend your birthday in Australia just so the two of you can fuck on the coral reef.”

Harry bites his lip, because that’s exactly what he had thought was going to happen.

“Fuck.” Louis says, lowering his head to rest in his hands. “I’m your booty call, aren’t I?”

Harry can’t help but laugh at Louis’ words. “I wouldn’t say that.” He can’t describe exactly how he feels about Louis. “You’re really special to me.” His fingers are twitching where they rest in his lap. “But, I can’t get serious with someone.” Harry says gently. “You know that, Lou. You’ve known that the whole time.” He extends a hand to Louis’ shoulder, but he recoils at the touch.

“You’ve got a really fucked up view of reality, Harry.” Louis spits. “If you think any of what we’ve had has been casual.”

“I thought we were on the same page.” Harry says, honestly hating the idea that he’s led Louis on in any way. “I thought we decided this was just for fun.” And the thing is, even as Harry is saying this he knows it hasn’t just been “fun” or just “casual”. It’s turned into something entirely differently. He also knows he can never act on that.

“Are you serious?” Harry can see Louis grabbing onto the sheets and his whole body tensing. “You invited me to New Years with your parents. You literally took me to your old make out spot.” Louis is rapidly coming undone before him, in the worst way. He’s raking his hands through his hair, pulling hard. Harry yearns so badly to provide some sort of comfort, but just knows that’ll set him off even more. “We’ve spent nearly every day together.”

Harry’s a bit taken aback and doesn’t think saying anything will make this situation any better. After several moments of silence Louis speaks again.

“I think-“ Louis pauses for a second, looking down at the towel still covering him. “I think I should leave.”

Harry feels frozen in his spot on the bed as he watches Louis quickly get dressed, gathering his things from around the room. It isn’t until Louis heads for the door that Harry speaks. “Lou.” His voice cracks. “Don’t leave.”

Louis turns around, and Harry hates the mix look of desperation and defeat on his face.

“Maybe you could come visit me a few times.” Harry offers.

“As your fuck buddy or as your boyfriend?” Louis challenges. When Harry doesn’t answer, he turns right back around. “See you, Haz.”

The slamming of the door resounds in Harry’s head. He wants to get out of bed and follow him out, but he feels frozen.

They had an agreement.

Somehow knowing that he was right doesn’t provide any comfort.

Chapter Text

As much as time felt frozen in that moment with Louis, it goes on.

Harry flies to Australia the next day, and he assumes Louis heads back up to Leeds. He wouldn’t know because the boy won’t answer his texts.

When he lands in Australia Harry opens twitter to tweet that he’s made it and discovers that Louis has unfollowed him.

(The mini breakdown he has in the airport afterwards doesn’t have anything to do with that discovery. It’s the jet lag, obviously.)

The tour moves in slow motion for Harry after that. There is no real backlash from the photo Louis tweeted. A few groups of fans figure out the picture was taken in Harry’s bedroom, but the angle thankfully keeps all of Harry’s tattoos hidden so there is no definite proof. Harry gets a slap on the wrist from their management and moves on (or at least he pretends too).

They have several concert dates in Australia that Harry really tries to put his all into. His birthday sneaks up on him, and before he knows it February 1st arrives and the band is headed out to the Great Barrier Reef for a day of adventure.

Well, the rest of the band is ready for an adventure.

Harry just hopes he makes it through the day without an emotional breakdown.

He’d already thrown up in his hotel bathroom that morning when he realized that Louis wasn’t going to be there for his birthday. That there was absolutely no way the boy was flying to Australia after the way they had left things. He’d nearly thrown up again after he’d checked Louis’ twitter. He may have unfollowed Harry, but he obviously knows the boy still follows him because he’s been tweeting sad, depressing song lyrics all week.

The lyrics he posted today though, on today of all days, really sucked.

Louist95: “Though I try to get you out of my head, the truth is that I’m lost without you”

He’s gotten used to the indirect tweets, even though today was the first one to use Sonic Boom lyrics. These lyrics just make Harry feel even worse; he wasn’t trying to actively hurt Louis. He’s got to know that.

He’s not quite sure when it happened, but Louis had become an integral part of his life. He’s not ashamed to say that he misses him, but Louis had wanted more, and Harry can’t give that to him.

Simple.

So he’s in a bit of a “woe is me” mood as the group rides the boat out towards the reef.

“Why the glum face, Haz?” Zayn asks as Harry’s hair whips around his face haphazardly in the wind. The stinging pain on his face from the hair strands is a good distraction from his mess of a life. “It’s your birthday and it’s summer, two things that you love that could never happen simultaneously before. You should be going nuts.”

Harry shrugs, shaking his head. “Just not into it, I guess.” He turns his head to face the ocean, watching the green-blue water sparkle as they pass by.

Zayn sends him a bit of a worried glance. “Does this have anything to do with Louis?” He says the last part of the sentence quietly.

Harry never exactly told the boys about his situation with Louis. They probably figured their own conclusions and Harry let them. He was thankful for that now, because he could simply brush it off.

“Why would you say that?” Harry says, inspecting his fingernails. He could really use a manicure.

“I know you guys haven’t been talking.”

Harry jerks his head in Zayn’s direction. “How the hell would you know that?”

“You’ve been completely blocked off, Haz.” Zayn looks at him expectantly. “And we stopped getting our daily Louis stories when tour started back up. Something obviously happened.”

“Why are you doing this?” Harry asks, getting annoyed. “It’s my birthday, can we just not talk about him today. Please?” He had been angry, but he’s almost begging by the end.

“Course, H.” Zayn says softly. “I just hate that you’re miserable on your birthday.”

“Not miserable.” Harry insists, even though he knows he’s lying. “I’m with my best friends in the prettiest place in the world.” He says gesturing around. “What could make this better?”

Zayn looks like he wants to respond, but never does. They ride in silence the rest of the way, until Liam spots dolphins in the water. Harry decidedly does not think of Louis and his sister’s dolphin stuff animal collection. He doesn’t.

The day is fun.

Harry has fun snorkeling and learning about new species of fish. He sees beautiful coral and takes pictures of everything. He tries not to think about the person who got him the underwater camera or the reasoning behind it’s purchase.

All in all, the day is…bearable.

That evening the group head back to shore, sunburned and tired. Harry likes to think he’s happy, and when the group offers to take him out for his birthday he can’t complain. And as they continue to buy him shot after shot Harry starts to actually feel good for the first time that day.

“Z.” Harry says, poking the man beside him. “Zayn.” The raven haired boy finally turns to face him. “Let’s go dance.” He points to the crowded dance floor.

Zayn laughs and grabs Harry’s hand. “Anything for you birthday boy.”

They make it to the dance floor and immediately spot Liam and a pretty brunette. They get into a groove, Harry insisting to be in front, despite being bigger than Zayn.

“This literally makes no sense.” Zayn complains from behind him. “You’re taller than me and more muscular.”

“No.” Harry says firmly. “This is the way it’s supposed to be.” He firmly grips Zayn’s hands and places them on his waist. It all just feels wrong. Harry tries to ignore it, but a few minutes in he can’t any longer.

“Why aren’t you Louis?” He moans into his friend’s ear.

“Sorry?” Zayn asks, sounding genuinely confused.

“You’re terrible at this.” Harry laments, gesturing between the two of them. Harry can hear Zayn laughing and feels oddly offended. “I’m heading to the loo.” Harry says, untangling himself from his friend.

Harry gets to the bathroom and immediately pulls out his phone. He’s not even sure what he’s doing till the phone is pressed to his ear and he hears it ring. Not surprisingly it goes to voice mail immediately. Harry isn’t quite sure how he feels knowing that Louis is either screening the call or has blocked his number. Either way, the tears that suddenly spring to his eyes are unwelcome.

“Lou.” He calls out, his voice breaking. “Lou, I’m in Australia and you’re in Leeds. You’re supposed to be here.” Harry sniffles. “You’re supposed to be with me. It’s my birthday and we were supposed to go snorkel the reef and then have hot sex afterwards and you’re not here.” He pauses to take a breath. “I miss you.” He laughs bitterly. “Obviously. You’re like perfect, Louis.” He bites his lip. Harry is way too drunk to even begin to stop his ramblings. “You’re only flaw really is that you were dumb enough to fall for a closeted pop star.” Harry’s brain is spinning, so he slowly slides down the wall he’s been leaning against till he’s sitting on the floor. “I’m never going to get to come out, Lou.” Harry whines into the phone, banging his head against the wall lightly. “And you don’t deserve that, you deserve so much better.” Harry pauses for a while. “I’m never going to get to come out.” He says again, this time much softer. “Which is quite a shame because I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you.”

Harry hears the phone beep in his ear and realizes that he must have used the maximum time for a voice mail. Dropping the phone in his lap, Harry stares at the door. Even in his alcohol muddled brain he knows what he just confessed on the phone. It’s what he’s been denying to himself since the tour started back up.

Truthfully, it’s what he’s been denying since he and Louis started dating.

Because, yes. They had been dating.

He’s in love with Louis.

The realization is enough to bring fresh tears to Harry’s eyes.

He decides that he doesn’t have anything else to lose at this point so he picks up his phone again opening Twitter. Louis has, of course, tweeted some more cryptic, sad lyrics.

Louist95: “I told myself don’t get attached and in my mind I play it back. Spinning faster than the plane that took you”

Harry stares at his phone in shock. Even in his drunken state, Harry would recognize those lyrics anywhere. Louis tweeted Taylor Swift lyrics. It’s as direct as an indirect tweet can be. It stings knowing that Louis knew exactly what he was doing tweeting Taylor fucking Swift lyrics. He knew exactly how hurtful that was going to be, and he did it anyway.

So, in what can only be described as a true drunken antic, Harry starts typing out his own tweet. Because, if Louis can tweet Taylor lyrics, well so can Harry. He does briefly question why he is doing this; Louis doesn’t even follow him anymore, what’s the point?

Regardless, he rereads the status nearly 20 times to make sure he hasn’t misspelt anything in his drunken state before pushing post.

HarryStyles: “What do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn’t show?” @louist95 #youshouldhavebeenhere #birthdayboy

~

When Harry wakes up the next morning the tweet has been deleted and he has 13 missed calls from various people in his management. And zero missed calls from Louis. He groans as he listens to the numerous voice mails they’ve left which basically all say the same thing.

You fucked up big this time.

Liam and Zayn eventually come to his room and drag Harry out to breakfast. He does feel remarkably better after a greasy fry up and finally looks the boys in the eyes for the first time.

“What the hell happened last night, Harry?”

“I was drunk and sad.” Harry says shrugging.

“You’ve been vague enough about this.” Liam pesters. “What is going on with you and Louis?”

“Absolutely nothing.” Harry replies truthfully.

“We all know that isn’t true.” Zayn says, leaning back in his chair.

“I want to come out.” Harry says suddenly, earning a head jerk from both of his band mates.

“Okay.” Liam says slowly. “Okay.” He pats Harry on the shoulder. “I think that’s actually a wonderful idea.”

Now it’s Harry’s turn to be shocked. “Really?” He looks back and forth from Liam to Zayn. “You think this is a good idea?”

“Louis isn’t forcing you to come out is he?” Liam asks suddenly with a look of worry flashing across his face.

Harry laughs miserably. “No, Louis isn’t forcing me to do anything.”

“Then I think you should do it.” Liam says simply.

“What about the band?” Harry’s head is spinning at how simple this conversation is.

“Half our fans think you are gay already anyway.” Zayn says nonchalantly, shrugging. “I like the idea of being honest with them.”

And that’s how Harry finds himself sitting in the poshest conference room he’s ever seen the following afternoon in Sydney, Australia facing his entire management team on the projector screen in front of him. He’s got Zayn and Liam on either side of him, as well as his tour manager hovering in the background.

“We are incredibly disappointed in your lack of judgment.” A burly man with no hair begins. “Adding this to that stunt you pulled at the concert in Leeds a few months ago; the picture on twitter…” The man trails off, shaking his head.

“He’s 20 years old.” Liam says. “Give him a break.”

“He’s a 20 year old with 20 million followers on Twitter who are now questioning his sexuality.” Baldie snaps back.

“They’ve been doing that for the past three years anyway.” Zayn says under his breath.

“I have a solution for all of this.” Harry speaks up, licking his lips before continuing. “I want to come out.”

The silence that follows is thick and uncomfortable.

“You want to what?” Baldie finally asks.

“I want to come out.” Harry says patiently, wringing his hands together under the table. “That tweet would have never happened if I wasn’t in the closet.” He tries to keep his voice even and confident.

“You’re going to come out.” Melanie tries to say gently. “We’ve got a five year plan.”

“I don’t want to wait five years.” Harry says curtly. “I want to come out now.”

“You agreed to this plan though, Harry.” Melanie says more urgently. “Think of the band, think of your success.”

“That’s all he ever thinks about.” Liam interjects. “He’s made himself nearly crazy.”

“He needs to start thinking about himself.” Zayn adds. “The band will be fine.” He says it with such confidence Harry almost believes him.

“There isn’t a market for a gay pop band.” Another man in a plaid jacket chimes in. Harry winces at his words, how can he say something so blatantly offensive to their own clients without batting an eye?

“Good thing that isn’t what we are.” Liam replies icily, causing the man to roll his eyes. “We are a band who happens to have a member who is gay.”

“Harry.” Harry jerks his head up at the sound of his name. Melanie is talking with him on screen again. “Do you want to risk everything, just so you can have a boyfriend?” Her words are sickly sweet, but Harry can hear the venom behind them. He honestly doesn’t even know how to respond to that.

“This isn’t about him having a damn boyfriend.” Zayn explodes, slamming a fist onto the table. Everyone in the room and the screen jump at his outburst. “This is about him being honest with himself and the world.”

“Why haven’t you just come out on your own then?” Baldie counters. “You certainly have a knack for saying in appropriate things on twitter. Why not just ‘be honest’ on there?”

“You know he can’t do that, he'd be breaching his contract.” Liam bites. “He’s followed all your rules for nearly three years now.”

“You said this was going to be temporary.” Harry finally speaks up. “You said that it would just be until we solidified our status.” He rakes a hand through his hair harshly. “I’d say we are pretty solid.”

Plaid Jacket and Baldie exchange looks at each other before turning back to the screen.

“Please.” Harry says with such desperation in his voice. “I’m going crazy. I can’t take it anymore.”

The room is quiet for a moment before Melanie finally speaks. “I’m truly sorry, Harry. But the answer is still no.”

“And no more outbursts on Twitter.” Plaid Jacket scolds.

Harry doesn’t even look up for the rest of the meeting.

He muddles through the next few days on autopilot. They have a break from touring as they travel from Australia to Asia. He can tell the boys are worried as hell about him, but Harry can’t bring himself to care. The backlash from the mysteriously deleted tweet only lasts a few days before a random reality star gets arrested and suddenly no one cares about the Taylor Swift lyrics Harry tweeted to some random university student. Louis doesn’t try to contact him, and Niall won’t even respond to his DM’s on Twitter anymore.

Harry can’t remember a time when he’s ever felt this hopeless. He’s always been able to see the light at the end of every tunnel, but he feels like he’s walking around in infinite darkness.

The night of their first concert post their management meeting Harry feels ill. The thought of going on stage and pretending to be something he’s not literally making him sick to his stomach. The boys spend the day codling him, until he finally locks himself in the restroom to get some alone time. He knows they are trying to help, and he wants them too. He just has absolutely no clue how to make him himself feel better.

Once he’s on stage, he starts to feel a bit like his old self. He begins joking around with his band mates, and the relief in their eyes is obvious. He’s almost got himself convinced that all he needed was a little bit of crowd enthusiasm to bring him out of his funk when he hears the beginning chords to “They Don’t Know About Us” start playing through the speakers.

Harry had been speaking to the crowd, but his mind suddenly goes blank. Luckily, Liam starts singing his verse and Harry manages to find a place to sit down before his legs give out.

His entire body feels like jello; his mind going numb. He can’t seem to catch his breath and when he opens his mouth to sing his first line nothing comes out.

He can hear the reverberations of his heavy breathing in the speakers off the walls of the stadium as he continues to stare out into the crowd, unable to get himself to start singing.

Zayn instantly appears by his side, trying to sing Harry’s part while figuring out what the hell is wrong with his friend.

Harry would like to know too.

It’s like he’s utterly frozen in place, because he can’t sing this song. Just like he’d said in Leeds nearly two months ago, this song is for forbidden lovers everywhere. He’d never had a personal connection to the song before now, and that realization makes him want to throw up or maybe punch something.

He doesn’t do either though. His brain is racing but he can’t seem to get his body to follow any commands. He can feel himself going light headed, and looks desperately at Zayn for an answer.

Zayn looks just as terrified though. As Liam carries the chorus of the song on his own, Zayn scoots closer to Harry.

“What’s going on?” He hisses into Harry’s ear.

“Can’t breathe.” Harry utters right as the edges of his vision start to go black. Stars are dancing in his eyes and he feels a bit like he’s under water.

His eyes are just closing when he feels Zayn’s arms come under his armpits. “Come on, mate.” He’s begging and Harry tries to oblige, but putting one foot in front of the other is really difficult when you’re putting all your energy into taking your next breath.

He assumes they eventually make it back stage because he gets dropped into a chair. His chest is starting to feel really tight, when he feels something being pulled over his head. He attempts to bat it away, but the energy it takes to lift his hand is more than he has. He can feel air flooding his face and the tightness in his chest receding slightly. He flinches when he feels a sharp poke in his thigh, but doesn’t really have the energy to move away.

He can hear people talking around him, but can’t be bothered to open his eyes.

“Do they see now?” Liam’s voice stands out above the crowd as he hisses from somewhere above him. “He had a bloody panic attack on stage because they won’t let him come out.”

Harry wants to protest, say that isn’t the reason at all, but he can’t get his lips to move.

Harry floats in and out of consciousness for a while, the noises around him muddling together into a low buzzing, but eventually wakes up to someone calling his name.

He’s gathering the strength to open his eyes when he hears the voice call out again. “How long has he been out?” The voice is familiar but he can’t quite place it.

“Nearly 24 hours almost.” That voice he definitely knows, it’s Liam. “They gave him this massive anti-anxiety cocktail at the arena. They said it would make him drowsy for awhile, but I think he’s finally catching up on all the sleep he’s missed out over the past few days.” Liam’s voice lowers. “He hasn’t slept at all since that meeting.”

He feels a warm hand on his cheek. “Babe.” And that one word is all it takes.

Harry immediately opens his eyes.

“Lou.”

His voice is small and rough from disuse, but Louis is standing right in front of him, a gentle smile across his tired face.

“Hi, love.”

“What-how-why?” Harry’s stuttering and almost gets annoyed when Louis starts to laugh.

“My boy needed me so I came.” Louis says simply shrugging his shoulders. His words sound confident, but his body language appears a bit uncertain. He’s hovering near the bed, unsure of what he should do next. And Harry won’t be having that.

Harry lifts his hand slowly from its resting place at his side, and nods for Louis to grab ahold of it. Louis slips his own hand into Harry’s and squeezes lightly.

“I missed you.” Harry says softly, Louis nodding in agreement. “I’m sorry.” He can feel himself choking up at the realization of all that’s happened.

“Shh, H.” Louis uses his free hand to brush the hair off of Harry’s forehead. Harry leans into the touch. “We don’t have to talk about this now.”

Harry nods, feeling exhausted. He falls asleep, praying that when he wakes up this won’t have been a dream.

~

A panic attack induced by sleep deprivation and emotional distress.

That’s what the doctors are saying.

Louis was still there when Harry woke up the second time. He stayed by his side when the doctor’s came in to speak with him, and held his hand the entire car ride back to the hotel. He’s helping Harry into bed, since he’s been ordered to “take it easy” for the next few days, when Liam and Zayn burst into the bedroom.

“We need to talk.” Liam says urgently.

“How did you even get a key to this room?” Harry asks, slightly alarmed. He’s been slightly on edge about security ever since the incident with Louis and Niall back in New York City.

“Doesn’t matter.” Liam says quickly. “We’ve got to have an emergency meeting.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Harry begins.

“We don’t have to talk about why you had a panic attack.” Zayn says gently, causing relief to flood Harry. “We just need to talk about the fact that it happened.”

Harry nods, settling himself against the pillows; Louis curled up at his side. He tries not to think about the conversation he’ll have to have with Louis after the boys leave.

“So you had a panic attack on stage and that can’t happen again.” Liam says matter of factly.

“It’s not like I chose to do it.” Harry snaps a bit more harshly than intended. Louis squeezes his hand from his place beside him. He takes a breath in through his nose and exhales deeply before uttering a “sorry.”

“I think we need to go to management again.” Liam says. “We have proof now that you being closeted is affecting your mental and physical health.”

“Liam, don’t be dramatic.” Harry starts.

“I know you don’t want to talk about why it happened.” Louis says softly, speaking up for the first time. “But, do you think it had anything to do with that meeting?”

Harry doesn’t say anything, but eventually nods, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

“I’m going to set up another meeting.” Liam says definitively. There isn’t much more to say after that, and Liam and Zayn leave soon afterwards leaving Harry and Louis alone for the first time since they ended things back in January.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Louis asks cautiously.

“Why did you come here?” Harry asks, ignoring Louis’ question. “I mean, I’m glad you did.” He squeezes Louis’ hand. “But why?” He bites his lip. “I was awful to you before I left London. And then you didn’t even call me back after I left you that voice mail on my birthday.”

“What was I supposed to say to that?” Louis says, his voice breaking slightly. “You were drunk out of your mind and confessing your love to me. You deleted that tweet. How was I supposed to know if any of what you were saying was real?”

“By calling me and asking?” Harry retorts.

“Okay.” Louis turns to face Harry. “Are you in love me?” Louis asks, and Harry is taken a bit off guard.

Harry licks his lips and examines the rings on his left hand for a ridiculous amount of time before responding. “I think I could be.” He finally admits in a small voice.

He finally looks up at Louis and sees his wide blue eyes staring back. It’s almost comical at how much his facial expression reminds him of the first time they ever met. Oh, how the tables have turned.

Harry decides that he’s done with Louis’ staring so he kisses him instead. It’s instantly dirty and passionate, like they are making up for the three weeks that they’ve been apart. Harry’s tongue is exploring Louis’ mouth and Louis is acting as if he’s claiming ownership of Harry’s body with the way he’s griping at his hips. It’s everything Harry’s wanted since he last saw Louis, and he whines when Louis pulls away.

“H, you just got out of the hospital.” Louis whispers against his ear, panting. “They said to take it easy.”

“I’m sure there are many ways for you to get me off that wouldn’t result in me lifting a finger.”

Louis laughs and lies down next to Harry again.

“We need to talk.” The playful tone in his voice gone.

Harry nods. “Okay, let’s talk.” He pauses before continuing. “Why did you really come here?”

“I saw the video of your panic attack.” Louis says gently, causing Harry to groan and cover his face with his hand. “Hey now, don’t be embarrassed.” He pulls Harry’s hand off his face and squeezes it. “I couldn’t just ignore it when you were clearly hurting so bad, Haz.”

Harry nods. “I’m glad you came.” He says truthfully.

“Now.” Louis says nervously. “Why did you have a panic attack?”

Harry’s quiet for a long time, chewing on his bottom lip. “I couldn’t sing that song.” He finally utters, turning his body towards Louis’. “That song stands for freedom and I couldn’t sing it knowing I didn’t have it.” He shrugs his shoulders, bringing one hand to rest on Louis’ chest. “And all the sudden it was like I couldn’t breath.” He shutters, memories of the event flashing through his brain. “It was absolutely terrifying, Lou.”

“I’m so sorry, baby.” Louis says softly.

The couple lay in bed quietly for a long time after that. Harry’s certain that Louis had fallen asleep, jetlag catching up with the boy, when Louis finally speaks.

“So-“ He starts but Harry cuts him off.

“Lou, I like you.” He bites his lip as he turns on his side to face Louis. “I want you to know that I like you, a lot." Harry can feel a smile coming across his face. "But I’ve got to figure out this mess with my management before I make any commitments to you.”

"I want to be with you." Louis says slowly. "Whether we ever get to be out in public or not."

"You'd be okay with that?" Harry asks, slightly in shock.

"H." Harry can see a bit of sadness flash across the blue eyed boy's face. "You are so so special to me." Harry shivers as Louis traces his finger down his face.

"I don't know what to say."

“Just know, I’m not going anywhere, Haz.” Louis whispers, as he motions for Harry to turn around. Cuddling up against him, Louis pulls Harry’s back against his chest. Feeling the older boy throw an arm around his waist, Harry sighs in content.

This.

This is how it’s supposed to be.

After that, it’s like everything starts falling into place.

Louis sits in the conference room with Harry and the rest of the band the next morning as they talk with their management team on a conference call this time. Harry proudly holds his hand on top of the table, which causes Louis to break into the biggest smile.

“My emotional, mental, and physical health is suffering from this agreement.” Harry recites. “I love being in this band, but it’s not worth this.” The words sounds foreign as they roll off his tongue. He looks up and sees Zayn and Liam nodding in agreement though, so he continues. “If you don’t start putting an immediate plan in action of my coming out, I will quit this band.” The silence after his statement hangs heavy before Melanie starts speaking.

“Harry, you certainly don’t mean that.” Her tone is condescending. “You can’t get out of your contract, and why would you? It’s made your success.”

“I certainly do.” He says firmly. “I am successful, plenty successful enough to buy myself out of your contract.” This is exactly the ultimatum he and the boys had discussed that morning. It’s a risk. A risk that could leave him without a job and his two best friends without a band mate. A risk they all thought was worth it.

“What if we say no?”

Harry swallows harshly before responding. “Then I guess your biggest selling artist is out a band member.”

“You wouldn’t abandon them like that.” Melanie chirps.

“Unlike you,” Liam begins. “We actually care about his well being. We fully support this decision.”

The silence on the phone is an eternity and Harry has about 5,000 thoughts go through his head in ways that he could take back what he just said.

In the end, Melanie speaks up.

“We’ll speed up the coming out process for Harry.”

Harry feels like he can’t breathe, but in the best way possible. Beside him Louis’ eyes widen and he breaks into a grin.

“How fast are we talking?” Liam persists.

“When your third album comes out in December.”

Harry doesn’t speak the rest of the conversation, trying to pay attention to the way that Liam and Zayn handle it. He can’t seem to focus on anything they are saying though.

December.

He gets to come out in December.

It isn’t until the phone call ends that Harry finally speaks.

“I get to come out in December.” His voice is suddenly choked with emotion. He turns to look at his band mates. “December, lads.”

“Congratulations, mate.” Liam and Zayn shower him in hugs and then leave the couple alone in the room.

“Congrats, Haz.” Louis says quietly from his side. Harry turns to face him.

“This is all because of you.” Harry says, eyes sparkling with tears. “I never would have had the guts to stand up to them if it weren’t for you.”

Louis blushes in front of him. “You would have.” He insists. “I just pushed up your time line.”

“I want to be with you.” Harry says suddenly.

“Haz.” Louis says calmly. “You don’t have to make any decisions right now.”

“I just almost quit my job as one of the members of the biggest band on the planet.” Harry says incredulously. “I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t think you were a sure thing.”

“You think I’m a sure thing?” Louis asks shyly. Harry nods, slowly leaning in to join their lips together.

“I love you.” Harry whispers as he kisses his lips softly, his breath hitching as he realizes how long he’s truly wanted to say this to the beautiful man in front of him.

“I love you too, Haz.” Louis says with earnest.

“And I want to be with you.”

“Yeah?” Louis asks, his eyes twinkling, the blue even brighter than normal.

“Yeah.” Harry murmurs as he pushes their lips again.

Chapter Text

NINE MONTHS LATER

“Lou, stop.” Harry complains, throwing his phone down on the bed as Louis releases from the bite he had been sucking on Harry's neck.

“You said you wanted a picture that shows our love.” Louis licks the already blooming bruise. “What better than a big ole hickey?”

“You aren’t taking this seriously.” Harry pouts, getting off the bed and pacing the hotel room. Louis sits back on the bed, smile quickly leaving his face.

It’s December 14th, exactly six days since Sonic Boom’s third album was released. They haven’t gotten any official numbers back regarding the album's position on the charts, but their leading single “No Control” has been at number one for the last 5 weeks.

They are back in New York City to sing for a Christmas show in Madison Square Garden. It’s a bit ironic, Niall and Louis had pointed out on the plane ride from London, that they’ve come this full circle.

They had arrived in NYC on Sunday afternoon, three days before their scheduled concert in MSG. Harry has spent the past two days soaking in every sight seeing opportunity possible. He’s been distracting himself and Louis has indulged him. The band has only gotten more popular in the 6 months since their Midnight Memories tour ended, and Harry’s honestly a bit surprised at how much uninterrupted sight seeing they were able to do. (Louis’ step dad definitely still has connections in New York City, and had managed to get them around the city with unexpected ease.)

“I’m sorry, babe.” Louis says sincerely, patting the space on the bed beside him. “Come here.”

Harry turns around from his place pacing by the door, and gives a stressed smile as he moves back towards the bed.

“I just- this has to be perfect.” Harry utters, throwing himself face first on the bed.

Louis turns on his side and brings his hand to Harry’s back, rubbing back and forth in a manner that instantly begins to calm Harry. Harry can feel his hand moving upwards till it’s tangled in his hair, scratching his scalp gently. Sighing deeply, Harry turns his head to face Louis.

“Sorry.” Louis says sheepishly. “I promise I’ll take whatever kind of picture you want.” Harry can feel a smile tentatively forming on his face. “There are those dimples.” Louis says softly, leaning in to kiss each of Harry’s cheeks.

Harry bites his lip as he gets into a seated position. “What if you just put your arm around me and kiss my cheek?”

“We always do that in pictures though.” Louis voices, even as he gets in position. He puts one arm around Harry’s shoulder and brings the other to rest gently on his waist.

“I think that’s kind of the point.” Harry argues, as he pushes his face even closer to Louis’. Holding his camera in “selfie mode” he continues. “I just want this to be a normal picture, nothing crazy.”

“Alright then.” Louis says, leaning in gently to kiss Harry’s cheek. Harry smiles at the sudden warmth of his lips, and then begins taking pictures. His smile gets deeper, and all the sudden he can feel Louis’ tongue shooting out into the dimple of the cheek he’s kissing. Harry should be used to it by now, but he can’t help the squeal that comes out of his mouth. He takes a picture right as his eyes squeeze shut.

“That was the one.” Harry can hear Louis say confidently from his side.

“You haven’t even seen it yet.” Harry says as Louis motions for Harry to hand over the phone. Louis scrolls through the pictures slowly and Harry can feel himself getting impatient.

“Absolute brilliance.” Louis finally exclaims, thrusting the phone towards Harry’s face.

And normally, Harry would argue with Louis just to see him get a bit flustered, but once he sees the picture he knows Louis is right. Harry’s eyes are fluttering shut and his nose is scrunched up slightly. He has a few curls cascading over one shoulder, Louis’ fingertips barely brushing them. One dimple is fully visible, the other covered by Louis’ lusciously red lips. Louis--who actually looks like an angel. The sun is bouncing off his face perfectly, his skin radiating in the light.

“Perfect.” Harry agrees. He can feel his fingers shaking slightly as he grips the phone tighter. Now that he actually has the picture he’s a bit overwhelmed with what it actually means.

The label and management had spent months debating the best way to handle the situation. Once they had agreed to allow Harry to come out in time for the new album release, there had been many suggestions as to how it would actually happen. In the end they had agreed to Harry’s request of social media. It is, after all, the reason why Louis is even in Harry’s life in the first place. More importantly, it’s simple, normal. Tons of couples announce their relationships on social media. Ever since Harry’s life got turned upside down nearly four years ago now, he’s craved normalcy.

Harry flops back on the bed, feeling Louis replicate his motions beside him. Louis’ hand finds his, causing Harry to open his eyes.

“What are you thinking?” Louis’ eyes are comforting and slightly concerned.

“I’m excited.” Harry says, hoping that it sounds confident.

“It’s okay to be nervous.”

“I’m excited.” Harry repeats. “This is what I’ve wanted forever.”

“Your band is behind you, you’ve got your family behind you. My family is behind you.” Harry can tell Louis is trying to soothe his fraying nerves and it’s working.

“I know.” Harry says, exhaling deeply. He and Louis have had many conversations the past few months on what coming out would mean for the band, their relationship, and Harry’s own emotional wellbeing. He knows that, in theory, everything that’s about to happen is going to be for the best.

“Do you want to know which picture I’m going to post?” Louis asks and Harry nods, eager for a distraction. Louis grabs his phone off the bedside table and begins scrolling through his camera roll. Stopping on a picture, Louis hands the phone to Harry.

“Shit.” Harry says, a smile coming over his face as he looks at the screen. “This is the first picture we ever took together.”

Louis smiles nervously. “Just seemed appropriate for me to use.”

Harry nods as he stares into the eyes of himself nearly a year ago, in his family’s hot tub in Cheshire.

“How did you even get this picture off my camera?” Harry wonders out loud.

“Well, I wanted a copy of it, obviously. So I just took a screen shot of it the next morning.”

“We look so happy.” Harry says, fondly remembering the night that they spent in the hot tub. “You know, you never made it to Australia.” Harry can feel Louis tense slightly beside him so he continues quickly. “We’ll need to plan a trip sometime in the new year to see if that camera can still take pictures this good of our ugly mugs.”

“I think there are about 20,000 girls in the New York City area that would disagree with that statement.” Louis jokes as he sets his phone down on the bed, inching closer to Harry. “You are hot.” Louis says matter-of-factly, wrapping his hand around Harry’s waist. “So fucking hot.” Harry can feel Louis’ breath on his neck and it’s so tempting. He lets Louis kiss him a few times before he pulls back.

“Lou.” His voice comes out low and raspy. “Louis.” He says again after clearing his throat. “We have to get this picture posted.” They had agreed to post the pictures the morning before their MSG concert. The band will also have an interview tomorrow morning. Their management had requested the pictures be released at least 24 hours beforehand to give their interviewers time to prepare for this unexpected news.

“Okay, okay.” Louis grumbles, pushing himself to a sitting position. He grabs his phone with one hand and Harry’s hand with the other. Louis’ hand is warm and soft, comforting to Harry as he pulls up the Twitter app.

The photos don’t need filters, and the room is quiet as the boys’ type in the captions they had decided upon on the plane ride from London. Harry feels Louis squeeze his hand right after he finishes typing.

It’s now or never.

“Ready?” Harry asks with a shaky breath.

“Do it.” Louis says, pressing the post button on his phone. Harry takes a deep breath, squeezes his eyes shut, and presses post.

“Holy shit.” Harry exclaims. “I’m fucking out.” He’s certain he has the stupidest grin on his face, which is why he’s confused as to why he also feels a bit like crying. His heart is racing, but he’s instantly soothed by Louis’ touch. He's immediately engulfed in a hug, and Harry’s pretty sure Louis could achieve world peace with the love he’s exuding.

“I’m so proud of you.” Louis whispers into Harry neck. They break apart and Harry giggles as Louis gently wipes away the tears on Harry’s face.

“Happy tears, I promise.” Harry sniffles as he pushes his hair out of his face. “I can’t believe this, I’m actually out.” Harry says again.

“Hell yeah you are.” Louis says, standing up and pushing Harry back on the bed. Harry giggles again as Louis jumps up on the bed and straddles him. “I think it’s about time for a celebration.” He says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Harry is about to respond before he feels Louis palming at his crotch. He lets a groan out through his lips instead. “Lou.” He utters as he feels heat soar from his stomach all the way down to his groin. “Yes.”

It’s a good distraction.

~

HarryStyles: Cause nobody knows you, baby, the way I do…

Louist95: And nobody loves you, baby, the way I do

~
“We’d like to welcome Sonic Boom to the stage.” Harry hears Robin Robert’s voice over the loud speakers as he squeezes Louis’ hand one more time before letting go to walk on stage.

It was Louis’ idea for Sonic Boom’s first interview after the announcement to be on Good Morning America. It just seemed appropriate. The applause is a bit ridiculous and Harry feels slightly blinded by the harsh lights as he walks towards the red couch. This time he doesn’t have to worry about spread of germs so he cuddles on the couch with his band mates.

“It seems like congratulations are in order.” Robin says after the applause has quieted down. “Harry, you told the world some pretty big news yesterday.” She gestures to the big screen behind them that is displaying his and Louis’ photos.

Harry blushes and bites his lip, a grin coming onto his face in spite of himself. “Thank you.” He finally says.

“How are you feeling today?”

“Incredibly relieved actually.” Harry answers truthfully. “I’ve never wanted to share something more in my entire life.”

“This took the world a bit by surprise.” Lara Spencer, another host, points out. “Why did you keep this information a secret for so long?”

Harry inhales deeply, taking a minute to collect his thoughts. “I wasn’t ready to share it at the beginning.” He shrugs. “And then we got so big so quickly, that there was a bit of concern that we wouldn’t be as well accepted if I came out.”

“So you were purposefully closeted by your band?” Lara’s voice is free of judgment; all Harry hears is genuine curiosity.

Harry looks from Liam and Zayn and shakes his head vehemently. “No. They never wanted that. They actually were the ones who pushed that I come out now.” He can feel Zayn squeezing his shoulder.

“We are incredibly proud of him and the bravery that he showed by sharing this part of his life with the world.” Zayn chimes in. “As a straight man, I never had to come out with my sexuality, and I admire Harry more than anything for having the guts to do it.”

“As do we.” Lara assures him. “I’m sure we are all wondering why you decided now was a good time. Does it have anything to do with that handsome man in the photo with you?”

Harry laughs good-naturedly. “He certainly had a big part of it, sure.” He runs his hand through his hair, a nervous tick he’s noticed he’s developed as his hair has gotten longer the past year. He sits on his hands as he continues. “But I didn’t do this for him. I did it for myself.” He insists. “For a long time, I thought I was protecting myself by staying in the closet.” He shrugs. “There came a point though, where I realized I was actually hurting myself.” He tries not to think of his panic attack in Asia. “After that realization I immediately requested that I come out as soon as possible, no matter what the implications might be publically.”

“Well, we here at Good Morning America are very proud of you.” Robin assures him. “America has your back.”

Harry grins as Robin switches the topic to their new album. “We’ve noticed that you boys have written on quite a few songs on the album.” She looks down at her paper. “You wrote 6 songs on Midnight Memories, but can claim 12 on Fireproof.” She sets her paper down. “That’s incredibly impressive, boys.”

Liam nods proudly. “We have been much more involved with the production of this album than the previous ones.”

“We’ve done a bit of sleuthing the past 24 hours.” Robin says slyly. “There are also quite a few song credits to a ‘Louis Tomlinson’, which just so happens to be the name of that boy in your photo.”

Harry blushes, a grin forming across his face. “Lou wasn’t all for song writing at first, but I managed to convince him.”

Louis had graduated from University of Leeds the previous May as planned with a degree in English Literature. After the boys had liked “No Control” so much, Harry had eventually worn Louis down to come to a few writing sessions with the band.

Louis and Liam got along surprisingly well, and wrote the majority of the album together. Since the Sonic Boom album had been completed Louis had gone on to write songs for other artists as well. Along with the continued growth of his blog, he’s very quickly becoming a star in his own right.

“Well, we hope he continues.” Robin says with a smile. “With hits like ‘No Control’ and ‘What a Feeling’ he sure is showing his worth in the music industry.”

Harry smiles like a proud parent. He wishes Louis was on stage with them, he deserves just as much credit and adoration as they do.

“So there seems to be a general theme among the songs.” Lara suggests.

The other boys turn to Harry, who can feel his cheeks warm. “I guess we did write with a particular idea in mind.” Harry admits, pausing before continuing. “I’d definitely say it’s a bit of a love story. It kind of follows the story of a romance from the very beginning of lust with ‘No Control’ to the long lasting love described in ‘Fireproof’.” He smiles.

“Speaking of 'Fireproof', the lyrics in your now famous Twitter post are from that song, correct?”

Harry nods, biting back a smile.

“You and Louis wrote that song together, didn’t you?” Harry nods again, the grin growing across his face despite his efforts. ”So can we assume that it’s about your relationship?”

Harry pulls his lip between his teeth. He’s been prepared for this question. “I think that sometimes songs are exactly what they seem to be about and sometimes they aren’t. Everyone interprets song lyrics differently, it’s really up to each individual to determine what the songs mean to them.” He gives a bit of a cheeky grin at the end.

“So in other words, yes.” Liam jokes. “The whole album is basically a love song to his boyfriend.”

“We wrote it to each other.” Harry corrects softly, earning an “aww” from the crowd. Blushing, Harry laughs nervously. “Anyway, anyone know any good jokes?” He asks loudly, effectively getting the attention off him and Louis for the rest of the interview.

He sees Louis briefly after their GMA performance, but the band is quickly whisked away to Madison Square Garden for sound check. Louis promises to meet up with him before the performance.

Harry walks onto the stage at MSG to applause from their tour crewmembers.

“God.” He says, trying not to smile. “You’re making it seem like I single handedly saved the world.”

“I’m sure you saved the world of at least one person.” Liam says seriously, which makes Harry snort. “I’m serious.” Liam says, pouting. “There are thousands of people just like you.”

Harry sobers long enough to thank Liam and then chooses to focus on practicing for their performance that night. He feels an ease and confidence that was missing the last time they played here almost a year and a half ago.

“We’re going to rock it tonight, lads.” Harry calls as he is led off the stage to his dressing room, after their rehearsal is over.

He starts to grin as he is walked down the corridors, and bursts out laughing when they stop in front of a familiar room.

He thanks the woman and sits down on the same couch he had napped on the last time they performed here, wondering where Louis had gotten too. Louis and Niall had said they were going to catch up with their friends from the previous summer while the band did sound check.

Harry is reminiscing the past year and a half when he hears a knock on the door. Curious, he gets up and walks to the door. Opening it, he breaks into a grin seeing his blue-eyed boyfriend in front of him.

“Hey, seen any hot pop stars around here?” He asks. Harry notices him biting his lip. “I’ve got a bet going.”

“I think Liam’s dressing room is a few doors in that direction.” Harry says pointing down the hall.

“Think I like what’s standing in front of me.” Louis says, grabbing Harry by the neck and pulling him down to give him a quick kiss.

“Oi.” Harry pulls away as he hears the familiar Irish accent. “Do you guys ever stop sucking face?” Niall comes bounding past Louis and into the room, settling on the couch.

“We can kiss in public now, Niall.” Louis says haughtily. “Give us at least a day to enjoy this.”

“We can kiss in public now.” Harry repeats, punctuating each word with a kiss.

“Gag me.” Niall hollers from the couch.

“I feel so much déjà vu right now, it’s a bit dizzying.” Harry admits from the doorway as he pulls Louis into the room.

“This meeting is much more pleasant than the last one, I’m sure.” Louis insists.

“You aren’t insulting my music this time, so yes, I’d say, marked improvement.” Harry teases, as he shuts the door behind them.

The afternoon passes quickly. Lou comes in and does his hair. Just like last time, her almost four-year-old daughter latches herself to Harry until it’s time for the band to go on stage.

They make their way backstage where Louis hugs Harry’s waist tight and Niall gives each of the boys a sloppy kiss on the cheek. It’s a bit mad thinking of how easily Louis and Niall have fit into their group. Niall and Louis leave to sit in the box seats reserved for the band’s guests and all the sudden it’s show time.

“Let’s kill it, lads.” Zayn says as they gather in a circle.

“Can you believe how far we’ve come?” Liam asks as they all put their hands in.

“This is just the beginning.” Harry assures them as they walk out into the shining lights and loud roar of the crowd.