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Admiralty's Ante

Summary:

With such a young command crew, the Starfleet Admiralty decides to politely suggest (read: order) the crew hold a standard game night, in order for the command crew to bond and present a united front to the rest of Enterprise's crew.

(or The One Where Kirk Is Not Amused and Spock Proves To Be A Poker Savant)

Notes:

I wrote this to fill my game night square on my trope-bingo card and if I'm quite honest with myself, I'm unhappy with it. Oh well...

Thus, my standard disclaimer: this is unbetaed, so all mistakes are mine.

Work Text:

“Admiral Pike, can you repeat that,” Kirk asked, staring at Christopher Pike through their connection in disbelief; he couldn’t have said what Jim thought he said. “I don’t think I heard that right.”

“Oh,” Chris drawled with a twisted grin on his face; he was enjoying their conversation a little too much. “You definitely heard it right.”

“Why?”

“The Admiralty thinks that due to the age of the senior crew, it would be your... its best interest if you instituted a game night among the crew,” Chris explained, repeating verbatim what Starfleet had instructed him to pass on to Kirk. Following his full recovery, Pike had become the ‘unofficial’ liaison between Kirk and the Admiralty.  

“Weekly?” There was a small smidgen of hope in Kirk’s voice that it wouldn’t be the case. While he enjoyed the company of his senior crew, he couldn’t imagine having to spend more time with them, even if it was on a personal level. Besides, he already had his standing ‘date’ nights with some of his senior crew: ‘let’s drink away our pain’ night with Bones; ‘let’s play with the engines’ night with Scotty; and ‘Hikaru kicks my ass’ night with Sulu. Honestly, Kirk’s free time was already jammed packed, especially when his night with Bones turned into three nights.

“Whenever, doesn’t matter. They just want to see a boost in crew morale,” Pike replied and clasped his hands on the table in front of him, trying to give his message a sense of urgency... importance; although there was none. The Admiralty merely saw this as a suggestion-borderline order and Chris knew that unless he placed some emphasis on this matter, it would never get done.

“Hey! We have great morale,” Jim exclaimed, affronted by the idea that his crew hated him or wanted to be anywhere else but on his ship; there wasn’t a better captain or ship in the fleet.  

With a roll of his eyes, Pike sighed then explained. “It’s not so much morale as showing them that you can present a strong united front to the rest of the crew.”

“Oh, I see!”

“Well,” Pike said, sighing again, “figure it out and get back to me. You have until the end of the week.”

“Thanks, Pike,” Jim chirped as his mind began coming up with all the various possibilities for instituting their new game night. “Kirk out.”

***

“Kirk, if this...”

Raising his hand, Kirk cut Uhura off before she could say anything else. Any other time, Kirk would understand her suspicion when it came so some of his less-than-stellar ideas; but in this case, it wasn’t his idea. “I’m going to stop you right there, Lt. Uhura. This comes straight from the Admiralty. Just ask Mr. Spock if you don’t believe me,” he told her with a pointed look at Spock, silently urging the Vulcan to back him up.

“It is true. The communique arrived this morning from Earth.”

“So what’s the catch?” Bones sighed then glanced back and forth between Jim and Spock.

“There is no catch, Doctor,” Spock replied with an inclination of his head. “The Admiralty merely wishes us to be at our very best.”

“Right...” Bone drawled, making sure that his Georgian accent was more pronounced than normal. “So what’s the plan, Jim?”

“We do exactly what they want, Bones. We’re going to play some games,” Kirk said, giving his friend a grin and a wink.

“Oh god.” McCoy groaned and looked at Scotty, who had a strange look on his face. “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Scotty, break out the good stuff.”

“Aye,” the Scotsman replied with a nod of his head; a Scotsman never turned the offer of a drink with a friend.

Chekov made a face as he thought about the men’s idea of good alcohol and said, “Only if it’s vodka.”

“Kid, you’re not even old enough to drink,” Bones grumbled, giving the young ensign a pointed look. Once a father, always a father, even if the kid wasn’t yours.

“Plenty old enough.”

Turning his attention away from Bones and Chekov, Scotty looked at Jim and asked, “Any suggestions, Cap-tain?”

“Mr. Spock and I have come up with a list of games that may or may not meet with everyone’s approval,” Kirk replied as he handed a stack of data cards to Uhura, who took one before passing the stack to Sulu.  “So Mr. Spock decided that we put it to a vote.”

“Get me your choice by the end of the week. Dismissed.,” Kirk stated as he stood from his chair, indicating that his senior crew was free to leave the conference room.

***

“Top three: Kal-toh, poker, and space monopoly.”

“Goddamnit,” Bones muttered darkly. “If we play monopoly, my hand might just slip up and hypo you the next time you’re in the infirmary.”

“Doctor, if you are having trouble with the dexterity in your hands, maybe you should see a doctor,” Spock intoned in his usual straightforward manner. Though, Kirk could see a slight twitch in the Vulcan’s eyebrow, indicating just how serious he was being.

“Oh, that’s funny, Spock.... don’t quit your day job,” Bone remarked dryly before taking a sip from the whiskey tumbler near his elbow. If he was going to forced into associating with the rest of the senior crew during his off-time, there was no way he was doing it sober.

Spock raised a solitary eyebrow and stated, “Why would I quit Starfleet? I--”

“Anyway, let’s get back on topic people. Pick your poison, so we can get this show on the road,” Kirk interrupted before Bones could start swearing a blue-streak at the Vulcan.

Glancing away from the table, Bones checked the chronometer and quipped, “Why? Got a hot date, kid?”

“Only with my bed, unless you’ve got plans to join me,” Kirk teased, throwing an exaggerated wink Bones’s way.

“In your dreams, kid,” Bones replied and rolled his eyes. “What is Kal-toh, exactly? Anything like pick-up sticks?”

“Earth game involving sticks between 7.62cm and 20.32, in which the players must collect the sticks one by one without disturbing the other sticks in the pile,” Spock stated to group at large, more for clarification purposes than of actual need of the rules.

“Yes...So anything like it?”

“No, it is not, doctor. Kal-toh is about finding the seeds of order even in the midst of profound chaos,” Spock explained, solemnly.

“Meaning?” Sulu asked, finally deciding to join the discussion. Much like the rest of the crew, he originally had other plans for the night; but sometimes, it was best to just suck it and do it. Plus, it would seem the night wouldn’t be so much of a bust if Scotty and Doctor McCoy were willing to share their booze.

“Meaning, we each work towards creating the final sphere and the person who manages it, wins,” Uhura explained. She had played it once or twice while at the academy and found it a great way to help order one’s thoughts by focusing on creating the sphere.

“Sounds... logical.”

“Indeed it is, Doctor.” Spock agreed.

“So what are we playing?” Scotty finally asked, sensing the general discussion had ended. Hopefully, this wouldn’t take too long and he could get back to his special lady aka the Enterprise; there were a couple of systems he wanted to tinker with.

“Poker.”

“Poker.”

“Poker.”

“I guess poker it is then, if nobody has any further objections,” Kirk stated, glancing around the table and watching as each member nodded their head in agreement.

“Scotty, deal. I’m watching you, so no card counting,” Kirk warned the table, making sure to give a pointed look at Chekov, who did his best to look innocent. Who was Kirk kidding, no matter what Chekov did, he always managed to look the picture of innocent... ah, the joys of youth.

“Poker was invented in Russia,” Chekov countered, frowning slightly at his Captain.

“Sure it was, lad.”

Chekov pouted and challenged, “It was, Mr. Scott.

“How many times do I have to tell you, lad. Call me Scotty when we’re off the clock,” the Scotsman repeated for probably the hundredth time since their current cruise had begun. Any free time that young Chekov had, he seemed to spend it in engineering, learning everything he possibly could about transwarp theory while keeping Scotty and Keenser company.

“Okay, Scot-ty,” Chekov said slowly as though he was trying the word out.

“Good, lad.” Patting Chekov on the back, Scotty grabbed the deck and began to shuffle, fingers flying through the well practice moves. “Now everyone knows how to play, right.”

Focusing his gaze on the engineer, Spock admitted gravely, “I’m unfamiliar with this game, Commander Scott.”

“Don’t worry, Spock. We’ll teach you. It’s an easy game to learn,” Bones said while giving Kirk a look that only they understood; one that was born from years of friendship and rooming together at the academy.

“What is the purpose of this game, Doctor McCoy?”

Bones smirked. “To win money while lying through your teeth.

Spock merely raised an eyebrow then inclines his head, silently asking Bones to clarify his response, but the doctor waves him off and asked, “Texas Hold’em good for everyone?”

“Well, if we’re going to teach Mr. Spock, maybe something a little easier to start with like five-card draw.”

“Fair point, Mr. Sulu,” Jim agreed and said to Scotty, “Straight poker, it is.”

“Aye, Captain,” Scotty replied, nodding his head then ordered, “Five cards, Aces high...”  

After Scotty finished laying out the general rules for the current hand, Uhura quickly explained what an ante was as the rest of the group threw theirs into the middle of the table. Once all their starting bets were on the table, Scotty began dealing, throwing the cards haphazardly at their intended targets. One by one, they each collected their cards and shifted in their seats, each plotting their next move.

Slipping into his chair, Bones hunched over his cards, casting shifty eyes on the table while Kirk took a more leisurely approach, leaning back in his chair and looking every bit as though he hadn’t a care in the world.

“Here,” Sulu said as he handed the PADD he had walked in with over to Spock. On its screen were all the various kinds of hands one could win and its rank. Spock nodded a quiet thanks and returned his attention to his cards, pausing briefly to check the cards in his hand against the data on the PADD.

“Place your bets,” Scottie said and then paused, waiting for the group to indicate whether they were in or out.

Sulu sighed and handed his cards back to Scotty with a shake of his head.

“Mr. Sulu is out,” Scott announced then turned to Jim and asked, “How many, Captain?”

“I’ll take two.”

“Doctor McCoy?”

“One.”

“Mr. Chekov?”

“Three.”

“Lt.?”

“Two.”

“Mr. Spock?”

“I shall take four.”

“Those are some odds...” Bones whistled, causing Spock’s brow to arch.

“I have already calculated the probability of receiving a winning hand,” Spock replied, causing Kirk to groan and roll his eyes.

“And the dealer takes two,” Scotty stated which prompted Kirk to start the second round of betting, which is when Uhura and Bones both bowed out.

“Show ‘em, lads,” Scotty ordered then waited for Kirk, Chekov, and Spock to lay down their cards.

“Read ‘em and weep boys,” Kirk said grinning as he laid his hand--three 10s--out with a flourish.

“Aw,” Chekov mocked, “sorry, Captain. It’s just not good enough to beat my straight.”

Kirk frowned and muttered, “Russian bastard,” causing Chekov to grin as he reached forward to claim his pot until Spock’s voice stopped him.

“I believe those are my winnings, Mr. Chekov.”

“Why you say that?” Chekov asked, a little confused by Spock’s statement.

“According to Mr. Sulu’s data, a straight flush beats your straight.”

Scotty chuckled at the shocked expression on Chekov’s face as Spock collected his winnings. There was no point in showing his own hand, a two pair because Scotty knew when he had lost and also when not to pour salt into an open wound.

Once the table was clear again, Scotty looked at Kirk and said, “Captain? Your deal?”

“Thanks, Scotty,” Kirk replied and reached for the deck as the rest of the table began to throw their antes into the middle.

“Let’s see if some of us can win back our money from, Mr. Spock.”

“I found that most unlikely, Captain,” Spock challenged. If Kirk didn’t know better, he’d swear there was just the tiniest quirk in Spock’s lips as he spoke.

“Ladies and gents, let’s show Mr. Spock how poker is really played.” The rest of the table nodded at Kirk’s command. Spock might have gotten lucky on his first hand, but there was no way they were going to be shown up and beaten by a Vulcan at their own game.

Unfortunately by the fourth hand, Bones had called it quits, choosing to spend the time enjoying his bourbon while making sarcastic remarks about Jim’s inability to lose gracefully. And it was by the sixth that Chekov seemed to be only one holding their own against Spock, who had managed to win half the hands played.

“I am correct in saying that having cards numbered ace through ten in the same suit is a good thing?”

“Jerk,” Uhura said with as much affection as she could muster then threw her cards in the middle of the table. Spock simply arched his eyebrow at her and returned to looking at his cards.

“And on that note, I’m going to bed,” Bones stated while pushing his chair back. Grabbing the table for balance, Bones gave the group a mock salute then left, whistling a tune that sounded suspiciously like Sweet Home Alabama.

“Sorry lads and lass, I’m with the good Doctor; I hear my bed calling. And I still have to check the sensor relays before bed.”

“Wait for me, Scotty,” Pavel said. “I wish to discuss something with you.”

Sulu grinned as the pair left, amused by his friend’s less than overt crush on the engineer. “I’m gone too. I’ll see you back in our room, Pav?”

“Yes, yes,” Chekov murmured, waving away his friend’s question, already distracted by the whatever theory he was trying to discuss with Scotty.

Kirk frowned and looked around at two remaining members of their party. “It’s not much of a game with only three people playing. Besides, it’s late,” he remarked after a quick glance at the chronometer, “and it’s definitely time for all good Starfleet captains to be in bed.”

Spock inclined his head and silently pushed his own chair back, pausing briefly as Uhura followed. Once the pair were gone, Kirk sunk into his chair and stared across the room towards a lone PADD sitting on the far corner of the table. Regardless of what he just said, he still had a couple hours of work left to complete before bed. After all, a Starfleet captain’s job was never finished.