Chapter Text
It didn’t take James long to pack. He’d barely even unpacked from his last quest, and either way, he rarely ever brought more than the bare essentials—Remus and Peter had always been the over-packers, bags stuffed with random things they probably didn’t need, 'just in case.'
Briefly, James wondered if he shouldn’t follow their lead this time—Sirius packed much the same way he did, and he couldn’t picture Regulus as the ‘always prepared’ type.
He shook his head. Thanks to his parents, he’d have the money to use if they ever needed to buy anything extra. Which, actually, now that he was thinking about it, made him sound super spoiled. Money was money, though--and it was dead useful on quests. Besides, traveling light had served him well so far—he saw no need to change that now, especially given the gravity of their quest.
Failure wasn’t an option this time.
Not that it had been last time, of course--James was admittedly a bit of a perfectionist. But the stakes were much higher this time. Chiron hadn't said it, but James wasn't an idiot--the fate of Olympus could be riding on this.
He slung his bag on his shoulder, the weight of it and shape of the straps far too familiar to be comfortable with. He took one last glance around the cabin to ensure he didn’t leave anything necessary behind—not that there was much to leave.
James was usually just a summer camper, so he never stayed long enough for his pile of things to accumulate beyond normal summer camp level, despite the fact that this place sometimes felt more like home than the house he grew up in.
He loved his parents, don’t get him wrong—by all rights, they were the brightest spots in his life. Despite the…specifics of his conception, his mum and dad were really the only people he knew that felt untouched by everything that came with being a half-blood. They knew, of course they knew, how could they not, but they didn’t hold the same heaviness he did, they didn’t have the paranoia that death was breathing down his neck and would be catching up to him any minute now.
The problem was that, after everything he’d gone through, he felt a bit…tainted with it. Heavy, like a stone had grown inside him, weighing him down. And he refused to let his parents see that. They always knew how to read him—his mum especially—even better than Sirius, Remus, or Peter ever could, and he could tell that seeing the toll life was taking on him hurt them.
He refused to hurt them.
So he went to boarding school, and then he went to camp, and he rarely ever went home. He wrote to his parents often, he Iris-messaged when he could, and he refused to let anyone see that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t perfectly okay.
He felt like he had started to slip on that a bit ever since the last quest, since Sirius had been hurt. Despite Remus and Peter’s—and later Sirius’—assurances, the guilt had gnawed at him until it had left a bit of a hole.
Unfortunately, he had very low hopes that this new quest would do absolutely anything to fix that.
With a sigh, he stepped out of the Apollo cabin, into the early morning, leaving the resting forms of his half-siblings behind. The air was cool, the grass wet with dew and the sun just beginning to rise, the sky starting to turn from a boring grey to a dusty pink.
James loved watching the sunrise. It was like watching his Father, like the warmth of the coming sun might really be the warmth of his Father’s gaze or his proud smile.
He probably wouldn’t be able to see it this morning, though. Not fully, at least.
Camp was quiet, despite the fact that everyone knew today was quest day. In true Camp Half-blood fashion, though, everyone had said their goodbyes the night before.
Well, almost everyone, that is.
James felt a small grin break out onto his face as he took in the forms of Remus, Peter, and Marlene waiting for him at the foot of Half-Blood Hill. He jogged over to them, suddenly feeling much lighter in their presence than he had moments earlier.
“About time,” Marlene called out as he approached. “Thought you’d gotten lost.”
James rolled his eyes, even as his grin widened. “Me? Lost? Are you sure that’s not Pete you’re talking about there, Marls?”
Peter scowled playfully at that. “I would have you know, that as a child of Hermes, I, in fact, rarely ever get lost.”
James chuckled, and Marlene rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, you snot,” his half-sister said, but it sounded fond.
Remus stepped forward, his expression softer than the others, a mixture of worry and pride. He'd understandably been very angry with James when he'd found out about the quest--more specifically, when he'd found out that he wouldn't be going on it--but Chiron had helped convince him, and once his anger was gone, all that was left this: worry for James' safety and well-being, pride for his bravery and what completing the quest would mean.
"We wanted to see you off. You know, make sure you don't forget anything important," he said.
James raised an eyebrow, the teasing grin never leaving his face. "What, like my toothbrush? I’m not Sirius, you know."
“Oi! I heard that!”
Speak of the Devil and he shall appear.
James turned with a smile as he watched Sirius jog leisurely over to them, his own bag over his back, his sword strapped to his hip. He’d have to shrink it down once they got to civilization, but James knew Sirius felt the weight of his blade at his hip like a comfort, a reassurance, so he didn’t mention it.
“That was the point, you idiot,” James teased, a shit-eating grin on his face. He grunted as he got a hard whack in the side for that.
Remus shook his head, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Peter didn’t bother to hide his laugh at the faux look of outrage on Sirius’ face, and Marlene just rolled her eyes, muttering something about boys.
“No maiming before the quest has even started, boys,” came a new voice, and James turned to see Lily shaking her head in false disappointment as she and Mary approached them.
“Aw, way to take all the fun out of it, Red,” Sirius bemoaned, with a dramatic crossing of his arms.
James laughed and immediately proceeded to go against Lily’s orders to whack Sirius in the arm.
“All packed and ready then, Jamie boy?” Mary asked once she and Lily had reached them.
James gave her a mock salute. “Yes, ma’am.”
She rolled her eyes at him, but her lips twitched a bit, and James grinned.
“You’ve got your bow?” Marlene asked, eyes searching his figure as if she could find it.
Their dad—Apollo—had given James his own bow and quiver of arrows for his first quest. James had immediately fallen in love with them and practically hadn’t put them down since. They were in their dormant form now, though, so no matter how hard Marlene looked, she wouldn’t be able to see them.
“Yes, mum,” James teased, and she glared at him.
“Fuck off, I’m just making sure,” she grumbled.
James’ grin softened a bit. “I know, I know. Thanks, really.”
Marlene shrugged, though her eyes softened. "Just come back in one piece, alright? We’ll be here waiting."
“Don’t worry, Marls,” came Sirius drawl, “I’ll keep him out of trouble.”
She snorted at that. “More like you’ll jump into trouble with him.”
Sirius shrugged, grinning at her. “Potato, tomato.”
Marlene mumbled a fond ‘idiot’ under her breath, which only served to make Sirius smile wider. His eyes glanced minutely to the side, then, and his smile vanished completely, replaced by a signature scowl that alerted James to the arrival of Sirius’ younger brother.
He turned to see Regulus making his way towards them, in step with Pandora, who was practically attached to his side and speaking to him in low tones. Regulus’ expression was serious, completely void of any levity, and James was once again hit by the stark contrast between this Regulus and the one he’d seen on the beach a few days ago. If he put the two different Reguluses side-by-side, he'd probably second-guess whether or not they were even the same person.
Strangely, Pandora’s face was also serious, her usual soft look completely absent. James frowned at his half-sister in concern, but she was too busy talking to Regulus to notice. Once the two got closer, though, their conversation died, and Pandora’s severity was wiped from her face completely.
He blinked at the change. In the past few days, he'd seen sides of his half-sister he'd never seen before. A bit bitterly, he wondered if he really knew her at all.
“Good morning,” she greeted cheerfully once she’d reached them.
Regulus didn’t say a word, although he gave Lily a civil nod, which she returned.
James glanced between them curiously, wondering when, exactly, that had happened. He supposed Lily had mentioned him earlier, but he hadn't known they'd been civil enough with each other to the point that Regulus would acknowledge her over his own brother. Though, he thought, perhaps he shouldn't be surprised. Regulus would probably acknowledge anyone over his brother, if given the chance.
“Morning, Pandora,” Mary greeted back cheerfully, before turning a teasing grin to Regulus. “Good to see you all bright and cheerful, baby Black.”
Sirius scoffed at that, mumbling something under his breath, but he largely went ignored.
“Mary,” Regulus replied evenly. “It would’ve been good to see you, too, but then you had to open your mouth.”
James sucked in a breath, glancing at Mary in anticipation, ready to intervene if needed. Something like that would usually warrant at least a right-hook to the face from her. But then she did the last thing he was expecting—she tilted her head back and laughed, fully and openly.
“Oh, but how could I resist?” Mary said breathlessly. “You’ve got such a tease-able face.”
Regulus scowled.
James stared at Mary in disbelief. A tease-able face? Regulus’ face was usually emotionless, annoyed, or threatening violence. There was nothing tease-able about him. In fact, James was surprised Mary was still standing.
“Oh, I’m sure,” Regulus drawled, and James shivered at the tone. “You, on the other hand, have a very punchable face, Macdonald.”
Mary just grinned in response, and James stared at her in disbelief. She was always fond of fighting—not unexpected from a child of Ares—but James had to wonder if she’d gone insane in the few weeks he’d been off on his quest.
“You’d have to be fast enough to catch me first,” she sing-songed.
Regulus just raised an eyebrow. “I am,” was all he said, and it wasn't prideful or bragging or cocky--he stated it like it was a fact.
Mary rolled her eyes, but she still had a smile on her face. “Aw, the baby’s all grown up. You’re no fun anymore—I miss when you could barely pick up a sword.”
James stared between them, at a loss for words. When the hell had this happened? Were they friends? That's what this was, wasn't it? What the fuck.
Regulus scoffed. “And whose fault is that?”
“Hey, I’m only partially responsible,” Mary said, shrugging. “Most of the blame falls on Dorcas.”
“I’m sure Cas would be happy to hear that,” Regulus responded evenly, and Mary scowled.
James raised his eyebrows at the nickname. It had taken James two years before he’d been allowed to nickname Dorcas Meadowes without her threatening to cut his…well, without threatening his prospects of having biological children in the future.
Regulus had only been here three weeks.
Just then, Chiron appeared over the hill, calling out to them.
James felt his stomach sink a bit. This was it. They were really doing this.
He glanced around at his friends, finding them all looking at each other in apprehension.
Remus shot him an encouraging smile, though it wasn’t as effective as it would’ve been had it not been tinged with worry.
Mary’s smile had disappeared, a serious look on her face as she said, “Good luck.”
Lily surged forward to wrap him in a tight hug, and James had barely managed to reciprocate before she moved on to Sirius.
“You’ll be okay, James,” Peter said encouragingly. “You’ve got it in the bag, don’t worry.”
James returned his smile weakly. “Right.”
Marlene patted him on the shoulder, drawing his attention. “You better come back alive, asshole,” she said seriously, “or I swear to the gods I will hunt your ass down just to kick it myself.”
James grinned a bit at that. “I wouldn’t expect anything else.”
She gave him a curt nod. “Good.”
Pandora, who had just been with Regulus, turned to him, grabbing his hands with her own. “You’ll be okay,” she said, searching his eyes, and James felt himself relax minutely. “Take care of them, but make sure you take care of yourself, too.”
James nodded.
“We’ll be here when you get back,” Remus assured them. “Make sure you do come back.”
“Couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, Lupin,” Sirius grinned, and James fought back a smile. Flirting even now. Honestly, Sirius was hopeless. And hopelessly in love. Maybe once they returned from this, the two of them would finally suck it up and get together.
He shook his head in amusement, hiking his backpack up over his shoulder. “See you in a minute, guys,” he said, beginning the walk up the hill.
“In a minute,” they chorused back.
Sirius gave them all a goodbye wave, falling into step beside him, and together they climbed the hill, Regulus quietly trailing behind them. When they reached the top of the hill, James took a moment to look back.
The sun had crept a bit higher over the horizon, casting the camp in an early morning light. His friends still stood at the bottom of the hill, staring after them. He gave them a brief wave.
He wondered how long it would take until he’d see them all again— if he’d see them all again.
“Coming, James?” he heard Sirius ask from behind him.
He took a deep breath. After releasing it, he said, “Yeah, of course.”
On the other side of the hill Chiron waited beside the car, talking with Argus, who would be driving them into the city. From there, they’d go to the Met to search out Mr. D’s ‘Mr. D.’ And after that? Well. James could only guess.
***
To say the car ride was awkward was an understatement. James found himself making eye-contact with more than one of Argus’ eyes in the rearview mirror multiple times, sharing a moment of miserable camaraderie in the loaded silence of the Black brothers.
It was worse for James, because he was sitting in the backseat with a brooding Sirius, which meant he could see every single glare Sirius shot towards the passenger seat. Honestly, there had nearly been a full-out brawl over who would be in the front. James had immediately been ruled out, because there was no way he was letting Sirius and Regulus sit together—he wasn’t sure they’d make it to the Met in one piece if they did.
Regulus hadn’t made a fuss about it, just opening the passenger-side door and sliding in, which immediately set Sirius off. James wasn’t even sure that Sirius actually even cared about riding shotgun—he was probably just pissed that his little brother had immediately taken it.
If James was being honest, though, he thought it was the best arrangement anyway. If Sirius had been in the front seat, James would have had to sit next to Regulus, which would have been uncomfortable for both of them in addition to making Sirius jealous. If James had sat in the front seat, the brothers would have killed each other within the first two minutes.
This way, Sirius and James could sit together while keeping the brothers apart, so despite Sirius’ grumbling, James had not come to his best friend's rescue and had just immediately taken his spot in the backseat.
There had been nothing but awkward silence ever since, and James was starting to get antsy.
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, bouncing his knee and drumming his fingers along to the rhythm on his other leg. He stared out the window, watching as the trees began to thin. They’d be there soon, but not soon enough, in James’ opinion.
“So…” he started, clearing his throat awkwardly. “This is exciting.”
Sirius gave a dry snort from beside him. Regulus, staring out of the passenger window, didn’t react.
“Anyone up for a game of I-Spy?” he asked hopefully.
Sirius shot him an incredulous look. Regulus didn’t react.
“I’ll go first,” he said, clearing his throat again. “I-Spy…something green.”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “If it’s a tree, James, I’m gonna hit you.”
It was, in fact, a tree. “What? No, it’s not a tree.”
“A bush.”
“No.”
“The grass?”
“Nope!”
A pause. Sirius turned to glare at him. “It’s not Reggie’s shirt.”
James froze. From the passenger seat, Regulus stiffened, his spine straightening slightly.
“Er…” James trailed off, his eyes darting to Argus for help. Argus just blinked half of his eyes, the others focused on the road. “No?”
He didn’t sound convincing, even to his own ears.
Regulus was, in fact, wearing a long-sleeve shirt in a mossy green color. How he was still wearing long-sleeves at the start of summer was beyond James—it was like the guy was immune to warmth. Which, James thought, would make sense given his frosty personality.
Sirius’ jaw clenched. “Fine,” he gritted out. “My turn.”
James held his breath. This was probably not going to be good.
“I-Spy a pretentious asshole.”
Called it.
James’ eyes darted nervously to the passenger seat. “Okay,” he tried to intervene, “maybe we should—”
“Oh, you don’t know the answer?” Sirius interrupted, his voice mean. “That’s okay, I’ll help you—his name is Regulus Black.”
James winced. “I don’t think—”
“Since you didn’t get it, I’ll just go again,” Sirius continued. “I’ll give you an easier one this time. How about… I-Spy with my little eye a fucking coward.”
Regulus flinched visibly at that.
James coughed uncomfortably. “Why don’t we—”
“No, no, James, it’s Reggie’s turn to guess,” Sirius interrupted again. “What do you think, Reggie, huh?”
James was watching Regulus nervously, so he saw the tick in his jaw. After a brief moment of silence, James felt a flash of relief at the thought that Regulus would just ignore Sirius, but then he opened his mouth and said, “Let me guess. Does his name start with Sirius, and end with Black? From what I’ve heard, he’s very good at running away.”
His tone was bored—lazy, even—but his stiff posture betrayed him. He wasn't completely unruffled by this, it seemed.
Sirius’ eyes flashed angrily. “At least I had the guts to leave,” he spat, words laced with venom, “instead of laying down like a doormat and obeying their every command.”
Regulus was silent for a moment. “It’s almost funny, really,” Regulus started, voice frosty enough to make James shiver, “how confidently wrong you can be.”
He didn’t say anything else, and James saw how off-balance Sirius became in the absence of a return jibe.
He didn’t seem ready to give up, though. In fact, James felt that his best friend was itching for a fight. “Oh yeah? Please, enlighten me then, Regulus. What noble cause were you fighting for while acting the perfect little puppet?”
That got a reaction. James watched as Regulus' eyes flashed angrily in the rear-view mirror, glaring at Sirius with so much fire that James fought the urge to lean back a bit.
“You think you know everything, don’t you?” Regulus asked, tone cold even as his voice vibrated with anger. “But you don’t know shit. You left, Sirius. You don’t get to judge from the outside when you have no idea what it’s like on the inside anymore.” He turned his gaze back to the window, and muttered, “You were gone long before you left, anyway.”
Sirius blanched at that for a second before the anger reared its head once more. “And why the fuck would I stay? To become a good little soldier like you? I got out because I wasn’t about to spend my life bending over backward for people who couldn’t care less about me!”
His voice was raw with emotion, his anger barely masking the hurt underneath. James fought the urge to reach for his best friend’s hand, but an angry Sirius was the only Sirius that didn’t desire touch.
Instead of fighting back, Regulus just let out a tired sigh. “You still don’t get it, Sirius,” he said, the anger gone from his voice, leaving behind a bone-deep exhaustion, and if James was reading it right, an incredible sorrow.
“I don’t get it?” Sirius screeched, in near hysterics. “I lived it, you little asshole. You don’t get to tell me what I don’t get.”
Regulus scoffed. “You only ever lived it with me, Sirius,” he spat. “You have no fucking idea what it was like alone.”
The implication there made James’ stomach turn a little, but he didn’t have enough time to think it over too deeply because Sirius was already spitting his reply.
“You should have left, then! But no! Little Reggie, Mummy and Daddy’s favorite. Too scared to break away, too scared to stand up for what’s right!"
James watched as Regulus flinched from the words as if they were a physical blow. He watched in real time as the pain registered on his face for a moment before all emotion was eradicated entirely—nothing left except empty, dead eyes.
James felt the temperature in the car drop by two degrees at the sight, the hair on his arms raising slightly.
He knew instinctively then that whatever Regulus said next was going to hurt.
“You ran because you couldn't handle it,” Regulus said, his tone as emotionless as the rest of him. “I stayed because I could.”
Sirius surged forward, but James quickly placed a firm hand on his chest, holding him back.
“Hey,” James said firmly, pushing Sirius’s chest until he was back in his seat. “Stop, both of you.”
He cut Regulus’ figure a look, but apparently, he wasn’t done.
James felt dread rise in his gut as Regulus raised his dead eyes to meet Sirius’ in the rear-view mirror—there wasn’t a hint of life within them. “It’s a useless argument, anyway. You’re no longer a Black. You may still be breathing, Sirius, but to me? You died the minute you left.”
James felt the weight of the words like a punch to the gut, and his heart broke a bit at the horror on Sirius's face.
This was no longer about petty sibling rivalry—not that it ever really had been, but before it had been contained to glares and whispered insults. This, though? This was a deep, festering wound between the two brothers, laid bare in the cramped space of the car.
"Alright, enough!" James barked, his voice coming out slightly louder than he intended. "If you two keep this up, I’m throwing you both out of the car and you can walk the rest of the way."
Neither brother responded, both going back to staring resolutely out their respective windows.
James let out a slow breath, glancing between the two of them. "Thank you," he muttered, settling back into his seat. "Now, let’s all act like adults for five more minutes until we get there, yeah?"
The silence settled in again, but this time, James didn’t bother to break it.