Archive of Our Own ^beta

Strobing lights illuminated the room with a myriad of colours as the loud and heavy electronic beat reverberated deep in everyone’s bones. The smell of sweat hung heavily in the air, with the dance floor packed with people swaying, bobbing, jumping to the music. 

Shepard was one of these people, dancing with a group of fellow N5s. Their gruelling N6 training was going to start in two days, and they desperately wanted to enjoy their second last night of freedom. Alcohol was flowing especially freely, one of the many luxuries that they would no longer be able to access once training started. And thankfully, one of Shepard’s squadmates was paying for all of it.

With several beers already in him, Shepard was now on the lookout for another luxury he would soon be unable to indulge in.

Several men and women had been giving him flirty looks since he entered. While part of Shepard was flattered by the attention, he did also wonder if it was simply because they knew that he and the others were soon-to-be N6s and potentially N7s. There were only so many soldiers that qualified for the programme, with fewer and fewer advancing to each level, so it would be no surprise that the presence of the handful that did make it to the end would turn heads, especially with how this club was quite popular with Alliance soldiers. 

Regardless, Shepard had plenty of choices; he just had to make the right one. This was probably going to be his last chance for a completely no-strings-attached one night stand until the end of training - he had to pick someone good. 

And there was only one person who really caught his eye.

Shepard noticed him first. He was with his own group, though he was the only one who didn’t really dance, preferring to stick to the table and nod along to the music. When his and Shepard’s eyes met for the first time, it was pure coincidence, Shepard having been taking a break off to the side and just trying to keep a look out for his squadmates. 

It was nothing more than a glance, but when Shepard turned to look again a minute later, the man’s eyes were already on him. 

Shepard properly observed him then: the same height as him, with dark hair, a clean-shaven face, and a fitting shirt that revealed broad shoulders and a muscular chest, a build similar to him. Definitely good-looking though not particularly remarkable, but there was something about him that just drew Shepard in. And that gaze, the intensity - it didn’t come off as weird, but rather soulful, captivating even.

But with the lights and the music, Shepard couldn’t be sure exactly what that look meant. That was why he was back on the dancefloor: to make sure that he wasn’t reading it all wrong. He even positioned himself close to the edge, where he knew where the man could watch him.

Shepard knew he’s a horrible dancer - at least, that’s what everybody around him liked to say. Luckily, his squadmates were all too immersed in the music or too drunk to comment on it now, allowing him to move his body however he wanted to. Not that he knew how to move it as gracefully as the others, but he did his best, bobbing along to the beat, closing his eyes to really get into rhythm.

When he opened them up again, he found the man looking at him still, now with a small but amused smile on his face. It wasn’t teasing or mocking, coming across as more that he was simply enjoying what he was seeing. Then, there was the quick but obvious once-over he did, taking in Shepard’s body with an appreciative gaze. 

I’ve got him.   

The next song started up, and from the first few notes Shepard immediately recognised it as one of his favourites. Screw whatever the others thought about his dancing. Here, he was just another face in the crowd; even if he embarrassed himself, no one would remember. So, Shepard started his signature move (if it could even be called that): a side-to-side shuffle while doing an arm roll. It felt silly, but it felt good to be silly, to let loose for tonight. (Though he did hope that he could eventually learn how to dance properly; he didn’t want to be dancing like this when he was in his thirties). 

It felt especially good when his eyes fell on the man again and saw the now much bigger smile directed at him. As they made eye contact, the man lowered his glass onto the table and started dancing too. Much to Shepard’s delight, he was just as awkward at it, doing some strange side-step thing while clapping to the beat. Shepard couldn’t help but laugh, to which the man laughed along too, the glee clear on his face despite the bad lighting.

This continued for a while, the two of them dancing together-but-apart, all while sharing momentary but heated gazes. Shepard wanted to approach him, but he always had one or two of his friends around, and Shepard felt weird about broaching the topic with other people close by. So, he danced, and he waited.

An opportunity finally came when he saw the man talking to his friends while gesturing in the direction of the bar. Then, by himself, he started walking towards said bar. 

Perfect. 

“I’m going to get another drink,” Shepard shouted to no one in particular, hoping that one of his squadmates nearby heard him. Pushing past the crowd, he found the man near the end close to where the restrooms were. As Shepard made his way over, he smoothed down his shirt while also making the quick decision to unbutton two of the top buttons - not that he liked to show off skin, but if it would increase his chances of getting laid tonight, then why not. 

As he got closer, he noticed that the man was currently leaning against the bar, elbows on the counter as he waited for his drinks, legs sticking out behind him, and damn , that ass. Shepard could probably bounce a quarter off of it if he only had a coin.

Forcing himself to look away - he didn’t want to come across as a creep - he walked up next to him. “Hey.”

The man turned; his eyes meeting Shepard’s with slight surprise. However, once he realised who he was, he greeted him with a friendly smile. “Hey. Great dancing, by the way.”

Shepard didn’t expect such a husky voice to come out of this guy’s mouth, and he certainly didn’t expect the sound of it to cause such a flutter in his insides. But he chose not to focus on this, instead releasing a breathy chuckle at the teasing yet completely genuine compliment. “Thanks. You weren’t too bad yourself.”

“Why, thank you,” the man said, now beaming at Shepard. 

Just then, the bartender arrived with the man’s bottle of beer. Shepard ordered a bottle for himself too, and when the bartender left to get it for him, the man asked, “So, you’re going to be an N7?”

“How’d you hear about that?” 

“Some of your friends have been talking to my friends, and they’ve been telling them all about how tonight’s the last night ‘before hell starts’”. When he did the air quotes with his fingers, Shepard couldn’t help but find it endearing. “I seriously admire you guys. The toughest soldiers in the galaxy, probably second only to Spectres.”

Shepard preened a little at the praise. Shifting a little bit closer, he said, “Yeah well, you should wait to see if I survive the training before you start calling me that. From what they’ve told us, it is going to be hell. That’s why we’re going all out tonight, getting our hands on whatever we won’t be able to in two days: dancing and drinking mostly, but there are also… other things, if you know what I mean.”

The last part was said with a slight rise of the eyebrow and an expectant look. The man’s eyes widened every so imperceptibly. “Ah… right, of course,” he stammered as he averted his gaze down to his bottle, and was that a flush appearing on his cheeks, or was it just the lighting? 

Before Shepard could respond, the bartender returned. Thanking her, Shepard quickly downed a few mouthfuls of the beer to fill in the awkward silence that had appeared in the space between them. Had he read this all wrong? Was this guy not interested in him that way? 

But then Shepard glanced towards the man and noticed his eyes back on him, or more specifically the bobbing of his Adam's apple as he swallowed.

Okay, he’s interested.

Shepard angled his head away so the man wouldn’t see the smile that was on his face. Pretending to be deep in thought, he ran his fingers along the neck and mouth of the bottle in a clearly suggestive way. After taking another mouthful, there was a drop of beer running down the neck, so he licked it up, running his tongue slowly along the glass.

Any subtlety had been thrown out the window, but Shepard didn’t care. Not when he turned back to find the man’s eyes had grown dark with what could only be arousal. 

But even Shepard had standards. He wasn’t about to just throw himself at this man because there was a mutual attraction. Yes, this guy was good-looking, friendly, charmingly awkward, but Shepard wanted to learn a bit more first before they got down to business.

“So,” Shepard started, leaning in even closer. “What’s a handsome Alliance soldier like you doing in a place like this?”

Despite its popularity, this club was still one of the seedier ones in the city, with shady dealings rumoured to be happening in the backrooms. It’d never been confirmed, but even if the rumours were true, with the good music, long opening hours, and cheap booze, most were willing to turn a blind eye. There was something familiar about it all, with Shepard having frequented similar places back when he was in the gang. Despite having left that life behind for years now, he felt at home here. 

Unlike this man, who, while he wasn’t tense or anxious, was clearly not as comfortable. “How’d you know I was in the Alliance?”

“I don’t know, there’s just something about you.” He looked proper and by-the-book, the kind of vibe you could only get from people in the military. There was also something about him that spoke of a different social stratum, with an air of someone that lived in the better part of the city and who wouldn’t usually step foot into an establishment like this. “I’d bet that someone in your family used to serve?”

“Yeah, my dad.” The man looked almost sheepish to admit it, which endeared him to Shepard even more. “And I’m here because it’s my friend’s birthday. He’s always wanted to come here, so we brought him. Not sure where he is now, but the last thing he told us was that he was going to go ‘see if any girls are interested’.” 

He visibly cringed at having to repeat that, which Shepard couldn’t help but chuckle at. Yet, it’s here that Shepard saw another opportunity. “What about you? Are you looking to pick up any girls? Or guys perhaps?”

The man seemed to know where Shepard was going with this, because he answered unfazed. “Either’s fine with me.” Now, it was his turn to move closer, eyes dark and lips upturned with a smirk. “That being said, I wasn’t planning to, but I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea.”

They were just inches apart now. Shepard could feel the warmth radiating off of the man’s body. Shepard wasn’t even cold; in fact, he was still sweating a little from the dancing, but he wanted nothing more than to feel that man against him, over him, in him-

“Married, dating, seeing anyone?” Shepard quickly blurted out before he could lose himself to the lust. While he was pretty open to sleeping with anyone, he refused to be a homewrecker. He quickly glanced down to the man’s hands. No ring. 

“No,” the man said resolutely, and though Shepard had people lie to him before, he trusted him. 

“What year were you born?” Again, Shepard had to be sure. The man didn’t look too young or old - Shepard estimated them to be about the same age - but he knew appearances could be deceiving. 

“2151,” was his response. Once more, Shepard knew he wasn’t lying. So, three years older then. Not bad an age gap at all, but enough of a difference that could bring about interesting implications. 

“‘54,” Shepard said back, and a similar reassured look crossed the man’s face. Shepard wanted to ask him for his rank, but quickly decided against it. They weren’t at work, and they were out of uniform; fraternisation regulations didn’t matter here. So, with no more questions, he downed the last of his beer. “Come on then, let’s-”

A hand reached out to stop him, holding onto his elbow. “Wait, what’s your name?”

Shepard sighed. This had happened before, but he just felt that it got in the way of things. After all, why complicate matters by sharing names? Shepard was so used to this that he immediately started rattling off his usual excuse, “Look, you don’t have to be so nice about this. Let’s just go and-”

“I’m K.”

“What?” That stopped him. He cocked an eyebrow. “Like the letter? Your name’s a single letter?”

“No, obviously I have a proper one.” The man laughed, releasing his hold of Shepard. “But you wanted anonymity, right? So, I’ll give you a nice compromise. K’s the first letter of my name.”

Shepard simply stared at him for a moment, suspicious. This K (Keith? Kenneth? Kevin? His face didn’t match any of those) was the first person to insist and to have given his name freely. And though he was smiling, there was something about the look in his eyes that told Shepard he was not going to budge on this. 

Stubborn bastard.

Shepard sighed again. Fine, he thought, just this once .

But as he was about to say “Shepard”, he stopped himself. He had been going by his last name ever since he enlisted, even before then; it’s the name everybody knew him by. If he told K this, would he try to look him up afterwards? But he didn’t want to go by a single letter either, both J and S sounding so strange. 

So, there was only one other solution. He took a deep breath, bracing himself to say his name out loud for the first time in years. “... John.”

It was K’s turn to raise an eyebrow. This reaction wasn’t surprising; it was such a common and boring name that it could conceivably be a fake one, which was one of the reasons why Shepard hated even using it in the first place. And yet, in this instance, it was perfect. There was a good chance that K would think he’s just using a fake name, but K couldn’t even argue because they had agreed on a certain level of anonymity. 

When Shepard remained unaffected by K’s suspicion, the man seemed to accept it, a smirk appearing. “Well then, lead the way… John.”

Oh no. Shepard didn’t think about what his name would sound like leaving K’s lips with that sexy voice of his. Somehow, the single syllable was enough to make Shepard fully hard, his erection now straining heavily against his jeans. 

He needed this man, now.

Grabbing K by the wrist, he walked them both to the restrooms, not caring that he was harshly bumping into people on the way. There were shouts of annoyance, and possibly even a spilt drink or two, but Shepard didn’t care. 

They weren’t the ones he wanted to fuck.

Eventually, they made it, and Shepard was thankful that it was empty. For a club as shady as this was, it had surprisingly and decently clean restrooms, possibly because the employees knew how much the patrons liked to use them for… more than their intended purposes. 

Shepard was one of said patrons, which was why he also immediately brought K to the last stall. It was an open secret that that was the “hookup stall”, and if there happened to be two (or more!) pairs of legs in there, you were supposed to mind your own business and pretend you neither saw nor heard anything. 

Pulling K into said stall, he shut the door behind them. In his rush, he struggled to lock it, fumbling with the annoying mechanism as he muttered, “Stupid lock, make it easy for me just once-”

Suddenly, a flash of blue energy moved the lock into place. Shepard spun around to find K enveloped in a blue corona, and with them being in such close quarters, the energy sent a pleasant tingle dancing across Shepard’s skin. He watched in silent awe as the corona dissipated, the blue in K’s eyes fading away to reveal what he now knew to be deep brown irises. 

“You’re a biotic.” Shepard breathed out, getting more turned on by the second. “That’s fucking hot.”

A complicated look crossed K’s face. As if he was smug yet insecure in that smugness. He opened and closed his mouth a few times like he wanted to say “thank you”, but eventually decided not to say anything.

Hmm, that was certainly intriguing. But that was the man’s own issue to deal with, not something for him to figure out or get involved in. It did give Shepard an idea though.

Taking a step closer until they were pressed chest-to-chest, he asked, “You want to use your biotics on me? Pin me to the wall and f-”

K’s hands shot up to his arms and pushed him away. A single word, both a plea and an order, left him. “No.”

Taken aback, Shepard barely had the time to think about how aroused he was by the sudden manhandling and how demanding K sounded when K immediately dropped his hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I just… I don’t want to hurt you.”

Now, that was interesting. Shepard had sex with biotics before, and they had been unwilling or reluctant to use their powers too, but it was usually because they found it too tiring or just weren’t into this sort of thing. Never because they were afraid to hurt him.

How powerful is this guy? Shepard wondered, and a thrill ran down his spine at the thought of what untold strength he kept so tightly reined in. But as much as he wanted, he wasn’t going to disrespect his boundaries. 

“It’s okay. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to.” Shepard took that step closer again, and wasn’t pushed away. However, that furrow in K’s brow still remained. “You do seem a little tense though, and I know just how to help.”

And with that, Shepard sank down to his knees, his face right in front of K’s crotch that was supporting a rather obvious bulge. 

“Let’s see what you’ve got here, shall we?” With a wink, Shepard undid the zip, then pulled down both K’s pants and his briefs, revealing a very erect cock. 

Shepard nearly started salivating at the sight. It hadn’t been too long since he was last with a man, but it had been a while since he was with one with such a thick, nicely sized cock. Wrapping a hand around it, he gave it a few long strokes from tip to base, the heat of it in his palm so damn arousing. 

A drop of precum appeared at the head, which Shepard immediately caught with his tongue. As he did so, he finally looked up through his lashes and with a smirk. When he met K’s gaze, the man’s eyes were fully blown with lust, bracing himself with one hand on the opposite wall of the stall. He was biting the knuckles of the other hand which had been balled into a fist, clearly trying to stifle any noise that he wanted to make.

“You don’t have to keep quiet, you know. Everybody’s cool with it.” With someone as presumably stubborn as this man, Shepard knew that was only one way to get K to loosen up. So, in one go, he took K’s cock completely into his mouth, all the way to the base.

A muffled moan reached Shepard’s ear. Not enough. 

Holding on to K’s thighs for leverage, Shepard began working K’s cock and fuck did it feel good. The weight and heat of it in his mouth, the taste of pre-cum on his tongue, the way it stretched his lips and hit the back of his throat; all of it was just glorious. 

It helped that he was good at blowjobs too, proven by the fact that even though he had his eyes closed, he could tell it was driving K crazy. The man was panting hard, with more and more groans and grunts of pleasure beginning to escape. Then, Shepard heard a soft but still perceptible “Fuck.”

That’s more like it. 

To reward him, Shepard sped up slightly while one of hands went up to tease K’s balls. This earned him a whimper and a shiver, the latter of which he could feel through the hand that was still on K’s thigh. However, K still seemed to be holding something back, a tension in him that Shepard still hadn’t been able to ease. Eventually, it became obvious where it was coming from: K was stopping himself from thrusting his hips forward.

Shepard decided to pull off of his cock then. He looked up again, and K’s eyes - which were glazed over but dark with desire - instantly met his. With a sultry smile, Shepard reached for K’s hand, the one he had made into a fist, and massaged it open. Then, he pulled the now open hand to rest on the back of his own head. “You can facefuck me if you want. I won’t mind.” 

It felt surreal to even say that out loud. Most of his sexual encounters with men led to it naturally, with a few having even done it almost immediately, thrusting their cocks in or pushing his head down the second he opened his mouth. Sure, sometimes it would hurt, but the intoxicating sensations often led to the pleasure overriding the pain. Ultimately, he really didn’t care how roughly he was treated, as long as it ended with him finding satisfaction one way or another.

And sure, that wasn’t the healthiest way to have sex, to be used as merely a way for someone else to get off, but it’s the only way he really knew how. Between his later years in the orphanage, his time in the gang, and his early days in the Alliance, there was no time nor space for sentimentality. If you were horny, you just found someone who was as horny as you, went somewhere private to get it out of your system, and went about your day after. 

So, Shepard had no idea how to react when K asked, voice rough with desire but tinged with unexpected softness, “Is that what you want?”

The gentleness seemed so out of place, especially when K’s leaking cock was right in front of him. Shepard was sure he’d been asked about what he wanted before, but never as genuinely as this. Never by someone who seemed to actually care. 

It took a moment for Shepard to even know wha t he wanted. Then, it felt even stranger to voice those wants. “I… would like that. For you to move, I mean. And not too hard, just enough to- to make me choke a little.” 

Shepard’s cheeks were aflame, a new type of shame burning through his veins. And yet, K only smiled at him warmly. “Okay. Let me know if it’s too much, alright?”

The question had the blood rushing towards Shepard’s dick. Too overwhelmed with complicated emotions, Shepard could only nod before taking K’s cock into his mouth again. As he built up a steady rhythm, he felt K’s hand adjust his grip. His shaved head made it difficult to gain purchase, but K made it work, holding on firmly but not painfully so. Then, slowly at first, but gradually matching Shepard’s pace, he started fucking Shepard’s mouth in earnest.

And holy shit  it felt amazing. The glide of K’s hot and heavy cock in and out of his mouth, going deeper than he was able to get him before. It left him breathless in more ways than one. The sloppy sounds were erotic enough, and he had to palm himself through his jeans to relieve a bit of the tension that was quickly building up. 

God, he wanted to touch himself, but he was sure that he would come immediately if he did. And he didn’t want to do that until K was filling his ass instead. 

Yet, he also wanted K to come in his mouth… he could only hope that the man had a strong libido. 

He was about to find out. K’s moans were getting louder, and the rhythm of his thrusts getting more erratic. “I’m close,” he warned, but there seemed to be a request in there too. Or more precisely, a search for clarity on what Shepard wanted. 

Not wanting to stop, Shepard hummed in acknowledgement instead, knowing the vibrations would bring K closer to the edge. The effect was instant, a choked gasp leaving K’s lips as the hand on Shepard’s head gripped ever so slightly harder. Shepard then kept going at it, his own hands digging into the meat of K’s muscular thighs to both ground himself and spur K on.

It’s barely a minute later that with one final and hard thrust, K pushed his cock all the way into Shepard’s mouth and came with a groan, his hot cum spilling down Shepard’s throat.

And Shepard swallowed all of it, feeling so filthy but so good, closing his eyes to savour the taste. It took everything in him not to come at that moment, especially when he could feel K’s cock twitching in his mouth and legs trembling against his palms.

By the time K finally came back down from his high and pulled out, Shepard’s jaw was aching, but it was a satisfying ache. Slowly, he stood up - his knees were also hurting, but the pain was worth it. Once they were face-to-face again, Shepard watched as K’s eyes darted down to his lips and immediately widened. One of K’s hands reached up to cup Shepard’s jaw, thumb running over his wet bottom lip. 

It was incredibly gentle, the movement feeling almost reverential. Once again, Shepard didn’t know how to react to that. So, his brain just defaulted to the next objective: wanting to get K hard again so that he could properly fuck him. 

To get there, Shepard knew just what to do. With a smirk, he drew K’s thumb into his mouth and sucked. 

There was the taste of cum, so K must have been trying to clean off what Shepard didn’t manage to get down. Regardless, nothing was more enjoyable than seeing K’s eyes visibly darken with arousal once more as he watched him lavish attention on the digit, swirling his tongue around it just as he did K’s cock. 

“Fucking hell, John,” he said, low and raspy, a growl that shot straight to Shepard’s dick. He wasn’t going to be able to hold on much longer, so as much fun as he was having teasing K, it was time to get things moving. 

Letting go of K’s thumb with a loud pop, he grinned smugly at the man. But before he could say anything, K asked a question that brought everything to a halt. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

“No” would be Shepard’s usual answer. Yes, it was such a tame act compared to everything else, but to Shepard, it was also the most intimate. A silly mindset to have, perhaps, but he wasn’t looking for a relationship - no kissing meant no distractions from the main goal of a hookup. 

Not to mention that K had already broken down two of his defences, he couldn’t let him through another.

He really should have stuck to this principle. But there was something about his man that lured him in and made him ignore his rational thought. To be vulnerable would be terrifying, but to be so around K… Shepard felt that it would be alright.

“Yes.”

He had barely finished the word when K’s lips were already on his. Hot, soft, insistent, K’s tongue pressing past and licking up to the roof of Shepard’s mouth. The man crowded him against the wall, pressing his solid chest against his.

And Shepard let him. Lost himself in the taste of K’s lips, the strong grip of warm hands on his waist, the heat of a cock frotting and growing hard against his own still covered erection. It’s the most demanding K had been the entire night, and Shepard absolutely relished in ceding control over to him, to let himself be kissed within an inch of his life. He couldn’t even remember the last time he kissed one of his chosen hookup partners, but he was sure it didn’t feel as good as this.

More, was the single thought that crossed Shepard’s head as his arms looped over K’s shoulders to pull him in impossibly closer. He also used one of his legs to wrap around the back of K’s thigh, grinding their hips together in an attempt to get more friction. 

Just then, the door to the restroom swung open, followed by footsteps and a couple of voices. K instantly moved away, leaving both him and Shepard panting. Shepard was in such a daze that it took him a moment to notice the panic in K’s eyes.

Ah, I see, Shepard realised once his mind cleared up a bit. Not everyone was comfortable with semi-public sex, after all. Still, if he wanted to move things along, he had to remind K that they were just part of a common occurrence in this club. Whispering, though only just, Shepard said, “Don’t worry. They’re not going to-”

K clamped a hand over his mouth. He shushed him, clearing trying to see if they were heard. Shepard internally sighed. If K wasn’t going to listen to him, then he had to use his actions to get over this final hurdle. 

Shepard wrapped a hand around the wrist connected to the hand on his mouth and gently tugged it away. Once this drew K’s attention back to him, he then took two of K’s fingers into his mouth and sucked, just like he did his thumb.

K’s breath hitched. The panic gradually fell from his face, the lust returning in full force. He said nothing, instead reaching down with his other hand to start undoing the button and zip of Shepard’s jeans. As Shepard did for him, K then pushed the jeans and Shepard’s briefs down low enough for Shepard’s cock to spring free. A dangerous smirk tugged at the corner of his lips as he saw the way the head was glistening with pre-cum. “No wonder you’re so impatient. I’m sorry I made you wait. Do you want me to spread you open with these fingers in your mouth?”

Unwilling to stop doing what his mouth was so focused on, Shepard just nodded again. The smirk on K’s face grew into a hungry grin. He pressed the fingers deeper into Shepard’s mouth, and asked, “You want me to spread you open for my cock?”

A brief moment of clarity hit Shepard at the realisation that he hadn’t asked K about whether he wanted to top or bottom. Shepard was fine with both but usually preferred the latter, and this was definitely one of those times. The moment he laid eyes on the man, he knew he wanted to be fucked by him. Seeing his gorgeous dick only confirmed it; he needed it inside him. And right now, he was just relieved that K wanted the same thing. 

But this clarity went away as quickly as it appeared, far overshadowed by the surprise he felt. Shepard wasn’t sure where the man’s restraint and nervousness from before had disappeared to, replaced by this unexpected but highly arousing confidence. With the huskiness of K’s voice, the filthiness of the questions, and the feeling of K’s fingers thrusting into his mouth, Shepard couldn’t contain the moan that escaped him. 

K took the opportunity to remove his fingers. Before Shepard could fully process it, he felt those saliva-coated digits prod at his hole, brushing over it teasingly.

He was about to explode from anticipation when K pressed his fingers in, all the way to the knuckles. The intrusion forced a gasp out of him, one that was immediately captured by K’s lips back on his. 

“Oh fuck.” Shepard moaned, but any and all sounds were swallowed up by K. His whole body melted in K’s hands, only able to stay standing because of the wall against his back and the man's firm grip on him. Shepard’s hands scrambled for more contact, reaching for the man’s face, neck, shoulders, anywhere that would allow him to bring him closer.

K broke the kiss then. Nosing along Shepard’s cheek, he said with a raspy breath, “I’ve got you.” 

An unspoken promise, one that settled deep into Shepard’s heart, bringing comfort but also a great unease.

Shepard knew that the longer they went at this, the likelier it was that he would develop feelings. It scared him how dangerously fast K had wormed his way in, especially when he knew practically nothing about him. But what truly terrified Shepard the most was that, deep down, he knew that this wasn’t some facade or act he had put on to charm his way into his pants, like several people did before him. No, this was K’s true self, Shepard could tell, and could see himself falling for him oh so easily. 

But Shepard reminded himself that this was just a hookup. A quick fuck for quick sexual gratification. Why set himself up with false hope that he could so easily disappoint himself with?

So, as much as he was enjoying the way K’s fingers were stretching him open for what’s next, he very much wanted them to move on to “the next” to distract himself from such thoughts. He tilted his face away, lest K started kissing him again. “Back left pocket,” he gasped out. “Condom.”

K made a noise of acknowledgement, and pulled his fingers out, causing Shepard to involuntarily groan at the sudden emptiness. Thankfully, K hadn’t pulled his jeans down all the way down, with it bunching around Shepard’s knees, so he didn’t have to reach far to find the foil packet. K took it out, and Shepard felt his heartbeat speed up as he watched him open it with steady fingers, then rolling the condom down onto his already hard cock. 

While all this was happening, Shepard was just about conscious of the fact that there were hushed whispers, whistles, and even a “have fun!” from the other people in the restroom. Aside from that though, they left pretty quickly, as was the custom to give them privacy. 

He was relieved, but that was the strangest part. Usually, he wouldn’t have particularly cared whether or not there were other people around - like he said, it was a just thing that happened here, and he himself had been on both sides of such a situation. Yet, he was glad that - at least for a good few minutes, because once the news secretly spread that someone was using the stall, the club patrons would try as long as possible to avoid using this particular restroom out of respect - he and K would be alone. 

Shepard would say that it was because he didn’t want anyone around to hear the sounds that he would inevitably make. What he won’t ever admit to would be that it was really because he wanted to share this moment with only K. 

And whatever led him to feeling this way, Shepard didn’t have the mental capacity to think about it, because he was shaken out of his thoughts when K said, “Turn around.”

Shepard was almost embarrassed by how quickly he obeyed the command, but he couldn’t care about that when his entire body was quivering with desire. He placed his palms flat onto the stall wall, feeling them already beginning to slip due to sweat. At least, that’s what he’ll blame for why he felt the need to stick his ass out and essentially present himself to K - he needed stability, not because he so badly wanted to get K’s cock in him already.

Speaking of, K grabbed him by the hips, sliding his cock along the cleft of his ass. K leaned forward, Shepard feeling the man’s chest pressed along his back. His hot breath was right against Shepard’s ear, causing him to shiver.

“Tell me, John. Do you want this?” Though he was almost trembling with want, K waited. 

And Shepard wasn’t about to deny him the permission he sought. Shepard whimpered, ashamed at how needy he sounded, “Please.”

K didn’t deny him either, pressing his cock forward, inch by thick inch, not stopping until he was buried to the hilt. 

Shepard dropped his head forward, leaning his forehead against the cool wall as he let out a long moan at the pleasant burn to the stretch. Just being filled so completely pushed Shepard right to the edge, but he absolutely did not want to come just when they got started. 

Luckily, K was taking a moment too, groaning into Shepard’s nape. “God, John, you’re so tight,” he whispered, lips and warm breath tickling the sensitive skin with each word. “You have to relax if you want me to fuck you properly.”

Oh, now Shepard definitely regretted giving K his actual first name. To hear it in that voice in such a moment made him clench instead, whole body twitching with desire. But K was right, he had to calm down for this to be fun. So, he regulated his breathing as he tried to find something that would help ground him. 

And if it just so happened to be the comforting feeling of K’s heart beating hard enough for him to feel it against his back, well… no one would know except him. 

It did the trick. Slowly, K pulled out leaving only the head of his cock inside Shepard, then pressed back in. He repeated this, slowly building up to a steady but firm pace, their bodies meeting with a loud smack every time. 

Each thrust sent sparks all along Shepard’s body, sending all his nerves alight with ecstasy. He wanted to cry, gasp, moan, whine in bliss with every drag of K’s cock inside him, but it all came out as mere panting. 

Though there was no one and they could be as loud as they wanted, being vocal during sex never came easily for Shepard. He often didn’t have the luxury of having sex somewhere private, what with his life up to this point having been spent in the overcrowded shared rooms of the orphanage followed by the equally cramped living quarters of the Alliance barracks. There were only so many places he and whoever could sneak off to, with most of them being ones where he couldn’t afford to make any noise while fooling around. It quickly instilled in him a tendency to suppress whatever sounds he wanted to make. Not that he wouldn’t want to voice his pleasure if the situation and location allowed it, but he was so used to it that it just wouldn’t happen naturally. 

K, on the other hand, was much more vocal than he was. Now that there was no one else around, K’s greater confidence came through audibly as he grunted and groaned in both pleasure and exertion. 

These sounds were so erotic that Shepard couldn’t get enough. He wanted more. And for the first time, he cared for someone else’s satisfaction other than his own. 

His nails clawed at the walls as he tried to find some purchase, some leverage to move his hips back to get K even deeper, clenching around the man’s cock to excite him further. Immediately, this elicited another whimper from K, a sound so fucking lewd that Shepard couldn’t help but moan too, but one that he once again tried to hold back. 

“Let me hear you,” K said, a deep growl that rumbled through Shepard’s entire being. “I want to hear how much you’re enjoying this.”

And fuck, that was so hot too. A dominance that was clearly simmering just below the surface. Shepard could only imagine how thrilling it would be to explore that further. But for now, he listened, and though it took some effort, he eventually managed to choke out, “I- I want…”

“What do you want, John? Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.” Another promise. A desire to please. Willingness to accept anything and everything. 

Right now, there was only one thing that Shepard wanted. 

“Kiss me.”

One of K’s hands instantly reached up to Shepard’s jaw, tilting his head back to press their lips together. But even that wasn’t enough, so Shepard reached back with one of his own hands to run through K’s thick hair to pull him in closer. 

It was messier than before, all tongue and saliva and filthy desire, fuelled by pure hunger for more. Shepard’s mind went blank with how impossibly good it felt, to be kissed and fucked and held by this man, this stranger who was somehow doing everything right. As cliche as it sounded, Shepard felt as if he had been wandering the desert, and K was the spring of water that he had so desperately sought after, revitalising him in ways he had long since forgotten. 

Shepard was a man starved, and K was more than happy to sate his every need.

A particularly hard thrust had Shepard gasping, breaking the kiss. He was pretty sure he was drooling, mouth open now as the sounds flowed freely. His wanton moans echoed loudly in the confines of the stall, along with the solid smack of skin against skin as K continued plunging his cock deep inside him at just the right angle. 

“K." Shepard managed to call out, but he didn’t even know why. The name just left him before he even knew it. Still, it felt right.

“I know, I know,” K mumbled reassuringly. “Do you want me to touch you?”

It took a few seconds for Shepard to understand what he was asking. Then, Shepard looked down and saw his own erection, hard and flushed and leaking, a small pool of pre-cum having collected on the tiled floor. 

“No,” Shepard gasped, despite knowing how good K’s hand would feel around him there. “I want…”

I want to come untouched. I want to come only by your cock. I want you and you alone to make me come.

“Okay, then let me…” The hand that was on Shepard’s jaw dropped down, now undoing the buttons on Shepard’s shirt. Not all of them, just enough for him to slip a hand in, grabbing Shepard’s pec. Warmly, gently, squeezing the firm muscle, palm swiping teasingly over his nipple. 

With all the movement, Shepard’s shirt fell off his shoulders. The sudden exposure to the cold made Shepard shiver, but he was quickly warmed up when K started pressing wet open-mouthed kisses to the skin, all along the length of his shoulders.

A truly undignified noise left Shepard’s lips, and a small part of him thought that he should be embarrassed by how dizzy with pleasure he was feeling from all this. But that is just as quickly soothed by K’s hot tongue licking a stripe up along the length of his nape. Sounding just as wrecked as Shepard felt, K said, “I can’t get enough of you, John. Everything about you is just… Fuck, you’re divine.”

It’s that last part that drove Shepard crazy. Not only was K still able to form coherent and provocative sentences, but Shepard had never in his life been called “divine”. Such words felt so much more intense than the usual degrading or aggressive ones he was used to hearing, the praise causing the coil in his core to tighten that much more.

Shepard closed his eyes, honing in on all the sensations, on K against, around, inside him. Everywhere, an all-consuming presence that overwhelmed his senses.

So close. Just that little bit more. 

Then, the hand that was on his chest held him closer, while the hand that was still on his hip gripped even tighter. K pulled the entire length of Shepard’s body flush against his, and this change in angle not only led to his thrusts becoming shallower but faster, it also meant that Shepard no longer needed to support himself against the wall as K was holding him completely.

And it was this that toppled him over the edge.

Shepard came with a cry. His entire body convulsed as wave after wave of euphoric bliss crashed into him. He swore he saw stars behind his eyes. 

In the midst of riding out what was probably the best orgasm he’d had in a long time, Shepard was vaguely aware of K, still thrusting into him at an irregular rhythm. The man’s breathing had picked up too, grunting hard as he chased his own high, moaning as he felt Shepard clench around him.

It was only several seconds later that K slammed into Shepard with one final thrust. At the same time, he pressed his lips against Shepard, right where his neck led into his shoulder, and bit down hard.

The sudden and unexpected pain-pleasure of the bite, coupled with the way K’s cock twitched inside him, only served to extend Shepard’s ecstasy. He gasped as new aftershocks hit him, barely conscious of how he automatically sought out K’s hand. He held onto it, relishing the way K was still rocking his hips ever so gently into him, the man riding out his second orgasm of the night.

Shepard was sure it took a whole entire minute for the both of them to settle back fully into themselves. It was only then that K pulled out, and Shepard’s legs trembled at the gradual emptiness, an arm shooting forward to the stall wall once more to stabilise himself. 

But really, he didn’t have to. K’s hands on him never wavered, still holding him securely as they guided him to sit down on the closed toilet lid. 

“Wait here,” K said, a little breathless but warm nonetheless. “I’ll clean up.”

What followed was something completely foreign to Shepard: after K discarded the condom in the stall bin and tucked himself back into his pants, he kneeled down with a couple of sheets of toilet paper to wipe clean Shepard’s spent cock. 

Body still limp with pleasure, Shepard could only watch silently. Aftercare wasn’t part of the deal, and it certainly was something that almost none of his previous hookup partners ever bothered doing, so he was unsure of how to feel other than being appreciative of the gesture. It was quite a turn-on however, and with the light touch, Shepard’s cock did give a minor twitch of interest, but he was ultimately too tired for another round and was glad when K zipped him back into his jeans.

K then proceeded to also wipe away any evidence of their activities, namely Shepard’s cum that he had shot onto the wall and dripped onto the floor. Slightly embarrassed by how much he came, Shepard muttered, “Thank you.”

When he was done, K tossed all the used paper into the bin and looked to Shepard with a warm smile. “You’re welcome. Can you stand?”

Shepard nodded, but his cheeks heated up at the thought of K being well aware of how much he enjoyed himself. And while Shepard could stand, it was on rather unsteady legs, with a slight but satisfying ache around his lower back that he knew would persist for the next few days. 

Once Shepard was on his feet, K opened the door and stood to the side, gesturing with a hand as if to say “after you”. Normally, Shepard would cringe at such behaviour, but this gentlemanliness after the intensity of what they had just done had Shepard smiling a little, mostly out of incredulity. He left the stall, mumbling another “thanks”.

But when he saw his own reflection in the mirror, the smile disappeared and the embarrassment returned.

His face was still flushed, lips swollen and kissed-red. His body glistened with a slight sheen of sweat, made all the more obvious by his half-opened shirt, his pecs and abs almost on full display. 

He was the image of a man well-fucked. 

It also didn’t help that K was almost as dishevelled as he was, with his thick hair in a mess and his shirt all wrinkled. If they left the restroom looking like this, and if it wasn’t a club that awaited them outside, everyone would know the second they laid eyes on them that they were the ones having sex in the hookup stall. 

Giving an awkward cough, Shepard quickly buttoned his shirt back up. But as he got closer to the mirror, he noticed something. Reaching up, he traced the outline of K’s bite mark, fingers going over every groove and indent. 

As annoyed as he was that K left a mark - something that he was strongly adamant against because it could very easily derail his ability to find hookup partners; no one wanted someone “claimed” by another person - he couldn’t find it in him to complain. Shepard would say that it was due to the fact that this was going to be the last hookup for a long while, and the mark would have faded by the time training was over so it didn’t matter. 

But deep down, Shepard felt an unfamiliar satisfaction and pleasure from the bite mark. For someone to have marked him as their own, and for that someone to be K… 

No. Stop this. Internally shaking his head, Shepard refused to go down this line of thinking. You do not know this man. You do not “belong” to anyone. Don’t be pathetic. 

Having sensed his inner turmoil, K took a step closer to him, a deeply guilty look in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have controlled myself better, I-”

Shepard waved him off, quickly buttoning up the rest of his shirt so that the mark was now concealed. “It’s fine. I didn’t tell you not to, so it’s not your fault.” 

That didn’t prevent K from continuing, “Even so, I can’t just do something like that…”

“You were enjoying yourself, and you lost a bit of control. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” The sudden conviction in K’s voice took Shepard aback. “I hurt you.”

Fear, regret, shame. That was what Shepard saw in those deep brown eyes. A reaction so brand new to Shepard that he didn’t really know how to respond. Again, Shepard never really minded how roughly he was treated, so long as they made him come too. There was no need to apologise or even check in on how he was when they were done. In fact, for the most part, Shepard preferred if they just left immediately afterwards. 

In contrast, here was this man who was treating him so well it was almost sickening. They didn’t even know each other, so why the hell was he being so nice? Not to mention how there seemed to be some self-confidence issues too, K being overly eager - desperate almost - to please.

Yet, with all his usual barriers down, K’s words and acts have undoubtedly softened him up, because the affection is like a soothing balm he didn’t even know he needed. If this was anybody else, Shepard would have probably ignored him and left by now. Instead, he stepped forward, until he and K were standing as close as they were in the stall.

“You didn’t hurt me, I-” There was only one way he could stop K from feeling so apologetic, and that was to tell the truth. But that was easier said than done; Shepard felt his entire face turn red as he took a deep breath, forcing himself to admit out loud, “I liked it.”

The frown on K’s face went away, replaced by a hesitant but hopeful smile. “Really?”

“Really,” Shepard replied, hoping that it came across as genuinely as he meant it.

And it seemed like it did, because as K’s smile grew bigger and brighter, he cupped the side of Shepard’s face and pulled him in for a kiss.

This was different. With neither of them driven by lust, this kiss was much slower. Languid even. Gentle and soft, with a different, more tender kind of passion. The kind that Shepard had only ever dreamed of experiencing.

But as much as he felt himself melting into the kiss, Shepard kept his hands by his side. 

Too much. Stop. Any more and you won’t be able to walk away. 

He let himself enjoy it for a few more seconds, let himself savour the taste he had already begun to recognise as uniquely K, before pushing the man away. K didn’t seem to notice his trepidation this time, because he was still smiling as he said, “I was thinking… Once you’re done with your training, maybe we could meet up for a drink? Or I could give you my number and we could-”

“Let me stop you right there.” Shepard stepped back, away from K’s warmth. I knew this was going to happen. “You’re sweet, and this was fun, but you don’t want this.”

The change in K’s demeanour was immediate, his face falling in an instant. “What do you mean?”

That opening line had been part of Shepard’s routine to ward off clingy partners for so long that he didn’t really think about it since it usually did the trick. But yes, what exactly did he mean by “this”?

Did he mean this potential relationship, one between two Alliance soldiers? Theirs was a dangerous line of work, one where their lives and safety were always at risk. If Shepard did become an N7, he would likely be posted to dangerous frontlines and active combat zones, possibly be given command of his own squad, maybe even his own ship. Shepard didn’t know what K’s duties were, but regardless, he couldn’t imagine the pain either of them would feel if the other died. He already knew the pain of losing fellow soldiers, so he didn’t ever want to experience the sheer grief that would no doubt consume him if he lost a romantic partner. Why would he put himself in a position where there was a very real possibility of that happening, and why put K through that too? 

Or was it the more obvious explanation, that being him , i.e. being in a relationship with John Shepard. He never thought of himself as boyfriend material - even thinking about that term was a source of anxiety. He had always been good at making friends, but he was too “damaged” for anything beyond that. A horrible word to use, sure, but it was accurate in a way, what with the life he’s had. Joining the Alliance was his way of redeeming himself, of finding purpose. Shepard was trying his best to grow from past mistakes and be his best self, but it was very much an ongoing process, so if K were to see the real him, Shepard was sure that he wouldn’t like what he saw. 

Shepard didn’t say either. Instead, he forced a smile onto his face, and tried to brush it off. “This was just one night of fun. You don’t know me, nor I you. So, it’s probably better for the two of us if we just left it here.”

But unlike all the previous times he had said this before, each word now felt like a small stab to his heart. He didn’t want it to be true, but the alternative was much more frightening. 

“But what if I don’t want to just leave it?”

Shepard regretted everything now. He had gotten too attached and it was making things infinitely worse. At this point, Shepard could only think to act more dismissive. “You say that now, but that’s because we just had sex. You had your fun, and you want more. But trust me, once we leave this room, we’ll eventually forget about each other. You and I will move on to whoever’s next, and this will all be just some distant pleasant memory that we’ll eventually forget about too.”

“Is that what you want?” A piercing question, a repeat of an earlier one but so much more damning. When Shepard couldn’t answer it immediately, K followed up with, “I know this was supposed to just be a one-time thing, but whatever happened in there was more than that. I felt something between us, and I’m sure you felt it too. Can you honestly say that you didn’t?”

As much as he wanted to avert his gaze, Shepard forced himself to look into those beautiful brown eyes that hid nothing. Shepard couldn’t lie: it was scary how compatible they were, and not just physically. K seemed to understand him completely, so much so that he could only wonder what K would get out of this, what could he possibly offer to him in return. What did the man see in him that made him this reluctant to let go? 

Despite these doubts, part of Shepard wanted to give it a try. Maybe it won’t be so bad… to have someone…

No. You are only going to set yourself for future pain and grief. Save yourself, and save him. 

With as steady of a voice as possible, he said, heart aching with every word, “It felt good. More than good actually, which was what I wanted. And now that I’ve got what I wanted, I’m done.”

Horrible words, but he couldn’t see any other way of doing this. He turned around with finality and headed to the door, ignoring the way K called out his name. He hadn’t planned to look back, but when he was partway through the threshold, he felt compelled to turn around. The rejection and confusion he saw in the man’s face was devastating. It almost made him want to go back and kiss K again. But he stood firm, deciding to at least not end things on such a sour note. “You’re a good man, K. I know you’ll make someone very happy one day.”

A small part of his mind asked, why can’t that someone be me?

It couldn’t. Because of his stupid self-imposed rules, his stupid fear of the worst what-ifs , and his stupid, stupid pride. 

K’s mouth opened, but Shepard cut in before he could say anything. “All the best to you, K. Who knows, maybe we’ll see each other again someday and this will all be something we can have a good laugh over.” 

And with that, Shepard left, letting the door swing shut behind him. He found one of his squadmates and told her that he was going to head back first, coming up with some excuse that he was tired. He was, but more emotionally drained than anything. 

Also, he didn’t trust that K wouldn’t try looking for him again if he stayed, so he wanted to leave to make sure that that didn’t happen.

But with every step that took him further away from the club, the tendrils of regret began to creep into his mind. He had finally found a good one, so was it right to have let him go? What if he could never find someone like that ever again? 

To distract himself from such thoughts, Shepard did what he always did: threw himself into training once it started, focusing solely on the mission at hand. Which was easy to do since N6 training was the most brutal he had ever gone through. 

Yet, though he was bone-tired every night and pretty much fell asleep the minute his head touched the pillow, for the first week or so, his dreams would be filled with the memories of soulful brown eyes, gentle warm hands, and a husky voice saying his name. 

But much like the bite mark on his shoulder, those images slowly faded away too, replaced by battle tactics, combat manoeuvres, and a dozen other various contingencies that he had to constantly keep in mind. And for good reason too, because by the end of training, he had proved his skill and tenacity, becoming more than worthy of earning the title of N7.

And as he accepted it with pride, he no longer thought about whatever happened before this moment. Good or bad, it all led him here. Now, he was only going to look towards the future, excited for all that it will bring. 

~

“Oh my God, that was you!?”

Shepard is lying in bed with Kaidan when he has this mind-blowing revelation. He’s not even sure how they got to this topic, but the shock of it has Shepard pushing him upright to look down at the man beside him. 

When Kaidan simply nods with a content smile on his face, Shepard feels even more incredulous. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well, when Anderson first brought us both onto the SR1, it had been years since that night. Plus you were my commanding officer, remember? It would have been too awkward to bring up.” Kaidan chuckles at the memory. “Then, so many things happened that there was never a right time to mention it. And by the time we got together, I figured it wasn’t important anymore.”

“Wasn’t important? Kaidan I… I forgot you,” Shepard says, now filled with shame and guilt.

“It’s not your fault. I wasn’t particularly memorable back then,” Kaidan says with a self-deprecation that Shepard immediately wants to erase. But before he can do so, Kaidan continues, “I have to admit, I had almost forgotten about that night too. It was only when I saw you again on the SR1 that all of it came rushing back.” 

“How did you know it was me?”

“It wasn’t difficult to connect the dots, especially not when you have such a distinct look.” Kaidan reaches a hand up to gently caress the scar in Shepard’s hairline. “And after everything we did, I never really forgot about you.”

Though he enjoys the fondness in the touch, Shepard still feels horrible. “Oh Kaidan, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. You had every right to walk away that night. I was the one who couldn’t.” The hand moves down, cupping Shepard’s face. “I tried to, believe me, but you left a rather deep impression. So, you can imagine how I felt when I saw you again after all those years. But you had changed, as did I, so I didn’t want to impose. I wanted to get to know you for real this time.” 

Shepard nuzzles into Kaidan’s palm then lies back down, resting fully on Kaidan’s chest. “And now that you have, what do you think?” he asks teasingly.

And sweet, beautiful Kaidan says, “I think I’m the luckiest person alive to have found you.”

The adoration he has for this man swells. He nods affirmingly as the biggest smile grows on his face. “You found me.” 

“And I’m never letting you go again.” Kaidan’s arms come up to wrap around him, and what else can Shepard do but kiss him as his heart bursts with joy.

As ashamed as he is for having forgotten about their first encounter, Shepard is actually glad that they didn’t get together all those years ago. They were pretty different people back then, and it likely wouldn’t have worked as well as it did now, with both of them having gained crucial - and oftentimes brutal - life experience that made them more mature and self-assured.

Though Shepard didn’t remember that fateful night until now, he knew that the experience always stuck with him. When his training was done and was free to look for hookups again, he was much more discerning with who he chose. More often than not, he was disappointed by any and all potential choices, not a single one of them living up to a standard that he couldn’t even remember why he had developed in the first place. And at a certain point, he stopped looking altogether.

So, while he might not have remembered Kaidan, he was never completely forgotten. Not really. And maybe without even knowing it, much like Kaidan had waited, Shepard had been waiting for him all this time too. If only the younger him could have known that he would have the pleasure of falling for this incredible man twice. 

Shepard doesn’t believe in fate, but right now, the inevitability of it all seems to prove it true. However, whether by destiny or by pure chance, it ultimately doesn’t matter. 

Shepard has ended up in Kaidan’s arms, right where he belongs, like he was always meant to be.