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Chapter Text

Saturday June 7, 1975 4:32pm

Silence was a rarity at Hogwarts, where noise never seemed to fade. The constant chatter of students and the distant cackles of Peeves were always echoing through the corridors. It was something everyone had to adjust to in their first year. But with summer being right around the corner, everyone behaved like dogs who had spotted a leash in their master's hand. It was unbearable.

Severus could feel his head pounding as each eruption of laughter in the room stabbed at his temples. His lack of sleep was starting to weigh on him and there was only so much Wideye he could drink before he'd have to succumb to the exhaustion. The potion only took away the weight of his muscles, leaving his thoughts untouched. There was no spell or potion that could stop the carousel of memories that circled his every thought. Memories of her. It couldn't erase the disgust from her emerald eyes that night. Or the look of pure betrayal and anguish in them when he's said that one word. That unforgivable word.

He clung to the hope that she would come back, listen to him, offer a chance to rectify it. But deep down, he knew better. The repulsion in her voice...there was no fixing that. It was over. And it was entirely his fault.

Worst of all was knowing that if he slept, he would be haunted by her. Her laugh, her smile, her hair dancing in the wind like a flame that would scorch him. He refused to subject himself to that. He'd spent the last two nights burying himself between the pages of tomes and he had every plan to continue.

The books offered little peace with the library being overrun. Between the shelves, summer plans and fits of laughter migrated over to his ears and interrupted every sentence on the page. Lately, it was like the very castle itself was trying to make him suffer. Amplifying every voice and aching his eardrums to make him repent for his sins.

Anywhere would be better than this hell. The thought of home didn't even make his stomach churn anymore. He was a hollow shell, gutted with no insides to speak of.

Numb fingers carried the weight of his books and slung his bag onto his shoulder. If the library wasn't going to offer peace, there had to be somewhere in this godforsaken place that would.

Sunbeams poured through the windows and burned his retinas as he scanned the corridors for a quiet room.

As he rounded a corner, all the air left his lungs. He wasn't dreaming this time when he saw what he both dreaded and yearned for. Those fiery locks of hair and those jewellike eyes. The warmth of a smile that he was certain would dissipate if her eyes landed on him.

Watching Lily Evans in the distance was like staring directly into the sun. It burned just the same. And in that moment, he wished he would go blind from it.

The void inside him filled with acid and escape became paramount. His lungs refused to expand with the heavy weight on his chest which pounded so greatly, it made his neck jump with each beat.

The weight threatened to shift his legs out from under him but he needed to go somewhere. Anywhere. Away from the noise, away from the light, and definitely away from her.

He hasted through a secluded corridor, spotting the oak door of a broom closet and without a thought, he slipped inside.

As the door clicked, his eyes immediately soothed in the dark. The air, though musty, was thinner and traveled to his lungs with more ease. With the only company being the disheveled old broomsticks and abandoned jars on the shelves, he finally let the weight take hold of him.

He slumped himself down the wall, the bricks scratching his spine all the way down to the floor, his bag thudding beside him.

Shriveling up, his head sunk between his knees, his trembling hands grasping at the fabric of his trousers. The acid that filled him seeped through his eyelids and burned down his cheeks as every bone in his body shivered.

He was in a snowstorm with no shelter. No warmth. But how does one warm an empty pit? His arms encased his knees and held them tight, knowing it would do nothing to shelter him. It wouldn't mend the sting in the center of his chest that was only growing.

He clawed through his greasy black strands as strangled whimpers fought to escape him. They sat in his throat like a stranger's voice, disembodied and unwelcome.

Claw after claw, he dug through his hair in hopes he would find a switch to disable his agony. He didn't find one but his exhaustion was finally invited. It washed over him and tamed the storm that had left him a broken mess.

God, this was so pathetic. Crying in some closet like a child, making an absolute wreck of himself. What an absolute git he was.

Each scold he lashed himself with was sharper than the last. He fought and beat himself until he had a semblance of control, a hint of dignity. As the time stretched, he could feel the emptiness of the closet surrounding him again.

It suddenly hit him just how quiet it was in that tiny room. It felt foreign after months of chaos. He allowed his ears to enjoy the peace, away from all the prying eyes and ruckus that filled the rest of the castle. For once, his brain felt like it was turned off. His body melted against the wall and he felt the weight evaporate from him.

He might've fallen asleep if he hadn't heard the faintest sound that was eerily close. Must be rats, he thought but quickly came to realize it was certainly not. It wasn't tiny footsteps. It was...fabric. He felt every hair stand on end.

Robes. Those were robes shuffling.

He searched desperately for his wand, feeling the wood and gripping it tightly, praying that he was mistaken. Praying he'd imagined it.

Lumos, he casted silently and the light emanating from the tip surprised his pupils. Blinking a few times, he began the search. He could hear his heart in his ears. His eyes scanned across the opposite wall, taking in every shadow before locking onto a very wide and very frightened pair of brown ones.

Suddenly the air wasn't thin anymore. Time itself stopped.

So there was a witness to his pathetic display.

Noa Fine. Her disheveled appearance and her quivering would have been more impactful if she didn't always look that way. She was curled up in a tight ball, sitting very much like him. The redness around her eyes was evidence enough of her crying; the makeup on her face was only further confirmation of that. She looked horrified, though he wasn't sure if that was because of her own distress or from witnessing his.

She was a mousy Hufflepuff girl that was always lurking in corners, looking like she could masquerade as a gargoyle if she was still enough. She was always covered in ink that she didn't bother to try removing. Someone that strange didn't escape torment so her fear was justified and evident. Her eyes resembled a cornered rabbit's. Blank, yet so full of terror.

He'd heard the things people said about her but mostly they all just called her "spider girl" which he didn't know the origin of but the cruelty of it didn't escape him.

Neither of them moved and the only change in her was the reddening of her face. The only sound was two sets of lungs fighting for the same air. His daze was broken when she looked away, wiping at her makeup which only managed to smudge it more.

He felt his face drain of color as the entirety of the situation hit him.

All of it. She'd seen all of it. Every tear, every writhing claw at himself. She'd heard every muffled whimper and every curse he'd muttered.

Shit.

He fought to dry his cheeks with clumsy fingers, knowing there was no point in removing tears that had already been on display. He nearly pushed himself off the floor to leave but he stopped himself when he remembered his current state.

He was a wreck. If anyone saw him like this, he would never live it down. He was already called "Snivellus" by half the castle. This would only provide the ammo they would use to destroy him.

He was trapped. With her. What would he even do? What would he even say to the girl who had just seen him completely break down? He wished the wall would swallow him whole. The only silver lining was that he knew she sure as hell wasn't going to speak.

He grumbled a bit and gave into the less potent poison. He crossed his arms over his chest, stared intently at the ceiling. He couldn't bear to look at her, not when she was a reflection of his own agony.

Before he could fully accept the situation, he saw her stand, slinging her bag onto her shoulder.

She's leaving. Thank Merlin. That makes all of this so much simpler.

She didn't say a word, didn't even look at him as she slipped past him and out the door.

As soon as the door clicked shut, his breath rushed out of him.

He melted against the wall again, groaning. For days, he'd tried to ward off that hollow feeling but now he wished it back. The new mortification was gnawing at him. How could he let this happen? Where was his head? Was he really dumb enough not to check for privacy?

Pathetic. Just pathetic. And spending any more time wallowing in self pity was just a confirmation of it. He had to pull himself together, muster up a semblance of pride. He huffed, scrubbing away the tears to cleanse him of his weakness.

It took much too long for him to gather himself but soon he was presentable enough to show his face. His legs shook under him as he stood, grabbing his bag and finally tucking his wand away. The swirl of emotions in him was suffocating, a combination of too much pain. As if he wasn't already broken when he entered the closet, he had a new weight as he walked out.

For the first time in his life, he longed to go home.

Chapter Text

Monday, June 9, 1975 3:06pm

Lily and now spider girl. Two pairs of eyes flashing in his mind and bringing their own kinds of torment. It was a toss up of which unendurable emotion he'd be fighting next. Shame, guilt, longing, embarrassment, self-loathing?

He tried his best to shove it all down and focus on his studies but the flickers of brown and green irises kept relenting.

At least the library was tranquil as it should be. The only sounds were the flipping of pages and the soft shuffling of his notes. Productivity always brought with it a sense of pride and he was chasing it.

But any comfort the library offered vanished when he spotted her.

Spider girl was in her natural habitat; disheveled and balled up in her chair with her papers in her lap as she hunched over them. Her quill grazed over her cheek with each swipe she made on the parchment. He'd never paid her much mind before but she inhabited his brain now and it was impossible to look away.

This was the second time she'd appeared out of thin air. It seemed she'd achieved the invisibility she longed for.

The nausea hadn't left him since he'd locked eyes with her in the closet and it only thickened now. Her presence was just a reminder of his humiliation that lived in her mind just as vividly as it did in his.

She had to know that seeing her would cause him pain. Didn't she know he came here often? Did she have any decency at all?

He heard his papers crumble in his fists, his eyes shooting daggers across the room. Stupid girl. Did she put any thought into where to nest?

He could only hope she'd kept her mouth shut. He couldn't imagine who she would have told but that didn't mean she would never tell. If he was any better at memory charms, he would just extract the event from her mind to ensure her silence.

As it is, he'd just have to cope with the knowledge that she was a witness. He could cope with that, he decided, if the memory stayed only there.

But if she told a single soul, he was sure his heart would stop. He could hear the voices now. The jeers and howls of laughter that would ring in his ears and solidify his fragility. A fragility that left him bare and adrift. Like he had been that day...

No. No. No one could know. He had to sew her mouth shut.

He pushed himself up from the table, his scowl heavy on his face as he skulked over to her.

Her quill froze in her hand as he got closer but she didn't look up. He pressed his palm against the table, eyeing her.

"Did you tell anyone?" He demanded.

She finally looked up and her eyes widened even more at the accusation, a slight color spreading over her cheeks.

For a moment, she just sat there, staring almost through him. It took a few seconds for her to react, shaking her head slightly.

That didn't ease him at all. His face was still stone hard, his brow furrowed as he checked her for any signs of deception.

"You better not." He said firmly and the red on her face intensified.

She blinked a few times, her mouth hanging open.

She stammered "I...I would never do that" The words left her so softly that he hardly heard her. But there was a sincerity in her tone that made his face melt a bit.

He took a moment to let his eyes roam over her face. She was twitching like a chihuahua but there was a softness to her features that was much like a cherub. Every line was rounded and soft. Her eyes weren't empty anymore, they looked almost pleading and that made his stomach do a somersault.

"Good" The softness in his voice surprised even him.

A silence stretched over them for a moment and she looked away from him. He watched as her inky fingers fiddled with the edge of her paper. The doodles that covered it made the name "spider girl" make much more sense.

She looked so small right then. Not only in physical size but in essence. It was clear she just wanted to be left alone. She was itching to get back to her art, he could see it.

It seemed the both of them wanted the event to rest in that small room and that was satisfactory enough. He huffed, striding back to his own table and giving her one last glance.

She looked in a daze. Her face was still red and her eyes void of thought.

He'd never interacted with someone so strange before and thankfully he wouldn't have to again.

How could she even function with that level of anxiety? Didn't she have a single friend? Hufflepuffs usually traveled in packs but seemingly she was left behind by the herd.

He shook his head and scanned his eyes over potion ingredients and brewing processes, waiting for his mind to reset. But that moment didn't come. The words just sat on the page, not entering his mind and his grip on his quill tightened in frustration. The soft scent of the crisp new pages should be sparking inspiration, instead it mocked him.

Damn it. What would it take? What else could he possibly do?

He raked a hand through his hair. It had to be her presence that was doing this to him but It shouldn't be. There was no more closure to be found with her. It was done.

So why was he watching her use her finger as a quill? She smudged ink all over her paper and even dipped her finger into the bottle before continuing.

A mess is what she was. An utter mess. It was purposeful at that point. With all her cowering, one would think she'd make an attempt to assimilate. Did she have any idea that she was placing a target right on her back by behaving that way?

Pitiful. Just pitiful. Naive, certainly.

It was a wonder he'd never watched the display before. The oddities were just too much to be left unseen.

This was just absurd. How could he study in these conditions? Sitting there with no self awareness, she was a flashing light that pulled focus.

He'd have to retreat to his dorm, where he'd surely be pulled into conversations he had no desire to engage in. But he could deal with that. Anywhere was better than being near that insufferable, helpless, mess of a girl.

Chapter Text

Tuesday June 10, 1975 6:03pm

Somehow, he managed to sleep that night and with that slight refreshment, his classes passed by with little trouble. But that didn't stop him from dreading the evening.

Going to the Slug Club meeting only meant an evening with Lily. She'd been the reason he'd joined in the first place but now he had no reason to go.

Severus was smart enough to realize the connections and opportunities that Slughorn offered were transactional. He found the most promising students and molded them into piggy banks he could break later. Once they had thriving careers, he could leech off of them and disguise it as friendship. It was sickening but when it had meant quality time with Lily, Severus was willing to pay the price. Now everything was different.

And yet, he was there, staring down at the cloth napkins and the polished silverware set in front of him. Maybe it was masochism. Or the hope that he might see some sign that Lily missed him. Or still cared.

Of course, he didn't see any.

Her smile was as big as ever as Slughorn showered her with praise. She didn't even give him a single glance which he was almost grateful for. If he saw her eyes right now, his chest might implode.

He didn't have to endure this. He could avoid her like the plague and if he waited long enough, his mind might obliviate all memories of her on its own accord. That would be the answer to his suffering. She was clearly moving on and watching it happen didn't do anything to change that.

As the rest of the members filed in, he toyed with the hem of his napkin, willing his mind to forget where he was, who was there...his own name...

Slughorn's nasally voice cut through his trance, louder than usual.

"Ah, Miss Fine. You're here. I thought you were avoiding us again"

Dear Merlin...no...it couldn't be...

But it was. Spider girl. Yet again invading his sphere. She was a pest lingering under the soil and poking her head from her burrow; completely oblivious to the fact that she was on his property.

Why was she even here? It was the end of the year, the time for new members was long gone. Regardless, Slughorn seemed thrilled by her presence which only made it all more curious. He chose students who were either social and vibrant or exceedingly talented. She clearly wasn't the first option so that only left the latter.

Her expression was as blank as always and if she was impressed by the extravagant decor, it didn't show in the slightest. She was inspecting the room like she thought there was a dementor under the tablecloth. Did she feel a chill in the air that he didn't?

Slughorn continued to talk her ear off but her vacant eyes were scanning over every face at the table which made Severus dread the inevitable. When her eyes locked with his they widened slightly and snapped away, suddenly fully engrossed in whatever Slughorn was saying.

Perhaps she was afraid of him which wouldn't be unwarranted. Everyone knew he was quite skilled in dark magic and he wasn't hesitant to use it. More likely though, her fear came from the fact that he'd practically interrogated her yesterday. Both, he thought, certainly it was both.

Slughorn pulled her chair out for her and she settled into it with her spine being held straight to match those around her. It was so strange to see her out of her usual ball position. She looked like a transfigured mouse at its first human meal. He'd never seen her so self-aware and watching it, a strange feeling filled him. One that he couldn't begin to identify.

She picked up her fork as if it was a question and watched the others take several bites before doing the same, as if someone might scold her for being hasty. She had an exhaustion in her eyes that he was sure he was intruding on by seeing.

It wasn't the first time he'd seen beneath her mask but this felt different. Seeing the burden in her eyes as silverware clicked and the chandelier cast yellow light on her skin somehow felt more intimate than seeing her completely broken in the dark.

Seemingly, her discomfort was noticed by Lily as well. She offered her a warm smile and a light greeting from a few chairs away "Hey, you're Noa, right? We have Charms together."

The gesture, though kind, only caused retreat. She wrapped her arms around herself like her limbs were on the menu, reverting slightly to her natural posture. The sight made his skin prickle and a buzzing began in his bones that only mixed with the suffocation of hearing Lily's voice. He was on the brink of purging.

The smell of the food only made it so much worse and he gritted his teeth to hold his stomach. He snatched a mint from his pocket, tossing it on his tongue quickly. He rubbed it against the roof of his mouth, pleading the sharp chill to soothe the nausea.

His hair nearly grazed his potatoes as he stared down at them, trying to keep his stomach from expelling. He fought every urge to peek up at Lily. He couldn't bear to see the kindness in her eyes as she tried to coax the spider girl from her web. It was a knife in his chest knowing that, in her mind, he didn't exist anymore. Their past was stricken entirely.

He almost got up to leave but then the conversation shifted and curiosity kept him rooted.

"So, Miss Fine...Professor Sprout was telling me all about your skills in Herbology. Top of the class, yes?" Slughorn's voice was practically buttering her up and if she really had been thinking her limbs would be devoured, her suspicions would feel more justified.

As soon as she was addressed, she was frozen in her seat. The only thing that moved were her eyes, shifting over to peek at the round man. She curved in on further and she evidently wanted to join the imagined dementor under the table.

She nodded ever so slightly and her gaze shifted to the candles at the center of the table.

"Splendid, splendid. She tells me you're quite skilled in serenity charms too, is that right?"

Her face turned red instantly and her nod was quick this time as if that would make the topic change. But there was a hush over the table as everyone's interest grew.

Serenity charms were a rare and incredibly difficult form of pink magic. It wasn't even offered at Hogwarts, there were special programs for that.

That made her invitation to Slug Club suddenly make sense. Mastering such a thing would open endless doors for her and Slughorn would certainly want to push her over the thresholds. He was probably foaming at the mouth when Sprout told him.

The covetous grin that grew on the old man's face was all the confirmation Severus needed. "Brilliant. And self-taught as well. That's an amazing feat you know. How did you achieve such a thing?"

She squirmed in her seat, shifting herself even lower. Her arms entangled each other and her thumb stroked her forearm with the tenderness of a hug.

"Well um....my aunt...had a lot of...books" She nearly whispered.

Slughorn was leaning in close, trying to extract as much as he could "And you learned just from the books then? Your aunt didn't help you at all?"

Severus could see her swallow and her eyes filled with an unreadable expression. Her gaze darted around the room as if the wallpaper had a hidden script she was searching for. When she finally spoke her answer, the quake in her voice made another wave of nausea hit.

"Well...she...um...left them to me...um...in her will. So...no. Not directly"

A cold breeze shook them all hearing the meek confession. Even Slughorn felt his probing had gone too far. He took an awkward sip of his wine, looking everywhere but at her.

There were many sympathetic looks. It was a sad fact that death in the wizarding world was all too common currently.

She stared down at her hands, looking almost shameful. Her nails peeled at the skin of her hands and the longer the silence stretched, the more he was sure she would bleed. Each pick made the tension in his chest intensify but he couldn't look away.

For once, he was grateful to hear Slughorn speak, sounding apologetic. "Yes...well...it is an amazing feat. Truly. I've never known of someone so young training in pink magic"

She didn't look up from her hands as he spoke. She looked more hollow than he'd ever seen a person. She could have been a porcelain doll.

Despite her complete lack of response, Slughorn found a new target, much to everyone's relief. But no one was more relieved than her.

She had mercy on her hands finally. The scraping was done by her fork now, the prongs shredding her carrots. That was a favorable change.

He looked down at the carrots on his own plate and he rolled the mint over his tongue, making it knock against his teeth. He had nowhere to look but down. Time seems to stretch for a long moment as the mint slowly dissolved.

Just a bit longer, he just had to get through dessert and then he'd be free. But his entire body tightened instantly when he heard his name.

"And Severus, how is your brewing going? Have the extra hours in the potions room been useful?"

Severus didn't even have to look up to know the expression Slughorn was wearing. He could just imagine the smug little grin. As if extra hours in the dungeons was something he should be groveling at his feet for. He crushed the mint in one sharp bite and sneered.

"Yes." He hissed sharply. His voice felt cold as it passed his teeth and he could hear the clicks of forks stop while his own was being strangled. It was repulsive to sit here being patronized and being made to show gratitude for it.

The professor faltered at the tone, almost in disbelief. This was far from the appreciation he was expecting to hear. It was a gratitude he'd faked it for months for Lily's sake but he didn't have any reason to keep the facade going.

Slughorn set down his glass and leaned in a bit closer like he was checking if he was ill. "Has there been a problem, my boy?"

Severus finally lifts his gaze, finding that not only did Slughorn look appalled, so did Lily. Her mouth was agape and her brow was furrowed like she was looking at a stranger.

It made his heart race but there was no deeper he could go. She already thought the worst of him. Surely, she thought he was out of line. As if he was the villain here and not the puppet master at the head of the table.

Merlin, this was hell. And he was staring the devil right in the eye with a frosty glare "No." The venom in his voice betrayed his words.

The silence was deafening and Severus could feel every eye on him. As if he cared. He didn't have a reputation to lose.

Slughorn cleared his throat, taking a moment to readjust his napkin on his lap "Perhaps we'll...discuss it later. I trust if you have a grievance, you'll share it in private."

"Right." He grumbled under his breath, stabbing his steak as if it wasn't already dead.

Now he wasn't the only one who wanted to make an escape. The clicking of silverware was much faster and there was hardly a word uttered. The silence was a welcome change for him but it made everyone else squirm.

Everyone but spider girl. Her shoulders looked more relaxed than he'd ever seen them and she wasn't eating, she was simply pushing her food around her plate.

With everyone else focused on their food, she seemed to feel his eyes on her. She peeked up and their eyes met. For the first time, his stomach didn't retch at that. Instead, his brow knitted together as he studied her face.

Her eyes were still wide and her mouth was in that vacant line but her cheeks weren't red, they were the same warm tan as the rest of her. As their eyes stayed locked, he could practically see her guard fall. Something in her eyes unlocked, inviting him to perceive her for what she was. But he wasn't sure what it was he was being permitted to see or why he had access at all.

It wasn't fear in her eyes, it was just fatigue. Her lower lids held a weight that was surely caused by the holding of unshed tears.

His throat knotted, forcing him to swallow to fight the growing ache in his chest.

What the hell was this? Seeing her like that felt like peeping through a keyhole. He felt he should look away but she did first.

When the dishes were cleared, all the feet scurried out of the room. No one lingered and he wasn't going to either. Finally, he could leave that idiotic club and never go back.

He ignored Slughorn's beckoning as he swept out of the room. He couldn't get to the dungeons fast enough.

His feet echoed down each step as he descended the stairs but his weren't the only ones he heard.

Glancing over his shoulder, he saw brown curls moving at a much slower pace. Her steps were much softer, lingering for a moment before taking another.

He hadn't seen her face when he glanced at her but he wondered which expression he would've seen if he had.

The wide bunny eyes? The rosy red cheeks? The hollow doll? Or the newest one? That open and unshielded view into her soul? He didn't know why but he was sure it would be the latest one.

He didn't realize how much he'd slowed down as he pondered that. He could hear that her steps were so much closer now. If he stopped in his tracks, she might bump into him.

His gaze found her face despite himself and he was right, her guard was transparent.

Her eyes had the kind of sadness that grows from a seed buried in isolation. One he was sure could be seen in his own eyes if someone looked closely enough. But he was sure it could only be identified by trained eyes. Being a pariah held a sort of misery that could only be understood when felt.

His own guard wavered and in that brief moment, it didn't feel entirely wrong.

She'd invited him in twice now and he couldn't understand why. Was it because the damage was already done? Or maybe she had spotted the seed in his irises and found safety in that discovery.

The tension left his face and he just regarded her. This close, he could see so many details he had never seen before.

The freckles on her nose, the specks of dust on her glasses, an ink smudge on her cheek and if he looked closely enough, he could see a faint scar on her chin.

Something twisted in his chest at the sight. It wasn't a cut, it was clearly remnants of a dark curse. It was just peeking through the makeup she'd covered it in and he strained to discern its shape.

Her fingers shielded his view suddenly and her cheeks became pink again. Her pace picked up abruptly and when she brushed past him, he couldn't stop the longing fostering in his chest. He watched as she dashed, rounding the corner, disappearing from sight.

Chapter Text

Thursday, June 12, 1975 8:17pm

His mind didn't stop racing after that night. Even now, as he walked through the dungeons with Avery, his mind kept returning to that scar. He'd seen countless scars in tomes but nothing like hers. And each thought of her scar was chased by thoughts of her woeful eyes. It was maddening.

He hated having spider girl in his brain but she was just so...peculiar. Always curled up like that. Always covered in ink. Always looking so bloody scared.

As he mulled that over, Avery finally spoke which was rare for him. "Are we brewing tonight?"

He wished the answer was yes. He wouldn't mind spending an evening with Avery, it would be a welcome distraction. Instead, he shook his head "No. I lost my extra hours."

Avery's brows were as pale as his skin but Severus still saw them twitch upwards "Lost them?"

The memory made his face contort "Slughorn isn't too keen on me anymore. Apparently, leaving his little club is a sin"

Avery crossed his arms "You left? I thought you wanted the hours."

"I don't need them." He spat, sneering, "The meetings were bullshit anyway."

His expression showed his disapproval but he clicked his tongue "Your funeral." he muttered.

There was silence as they walked but it wasn't uneasy. Their mutual desire for quiet was what made them friends. Although, friends was too strong a word. They were more research partners than anything.

It was difficult to gather information on the Dark Arts with all the school restrictions so it was beneficial knowing someone who was equally invested in the subject; even if they had vastly different reasons for their research.

Avery's fascination with pain was disturbing to say the least. He was convinced that, in order to truly understand the power of a curse, he had to experience its effects firsthand. It was idiotic and self-destructive but Severus had to respect his dedication to the craft. He didn't hold back in his self-inflictions and the brutal curses he used left several marks. If anyone would know about a curse scar, it would be Avery; he was covered in them.

"Do you know many curses that leave engravings?" He inquired.

Avery didn't look up, he was picking at his black nail polish "You want a new one? For Potter? Or Black?"

A smirk grew imagining those two prats getting a good slashing. But that could wait. "Neither. Not this time. I saw a photo and I wanted to identify it" Telling the whole truth simply wasn't an option. He couldn't explain why he cared so much about some Hufflepuff's past and he didn't wish to try.

"Show me." Avery said, extending a hand.

He swatted his hand away "I don't have it with me." He said sharply "But it was a burn on the chin in a straight line. And there was a pattern of sorts in the indentation."

Avery pondered that for a moment "You're sure it was a burn?"

"I didn't get a long look but it had the texture of one from what I could tell."

Avery flicked his blond hair from his eye "Well I don't know any scorching curses that leave engravings. Was it a script or just a pattern?"

He shook his head "A pattern."

"Well, engravings usually mean it's personalized. Could've been made specifically for the victim."

That wasn't anything he didn't know already. But why on earth would she be the target of an attack like that? This was advanced magic, it wasn't the result of petty bullying.

There had to be some sort of answer he could find "Do you have anything from the restricted section?"

"Not anything that would help with that" he answered dismissively "But...Wilkes might have something."

Oh, Merlin. There was no way in hell he'd ask Wilkes. He was convinced he was the king of Slytherin house and in truth, people treated him like he was. He was nearly as pompous and arrogant as Potter. Nearly. "I'll pass." He said flatly.

"Mulciber then?"

He grimaced but didn't hate that idea. Mulciber might be crude and frankly a nuisance but he was knowledgeable and had reliable tomes. "Perhaps." He conceded.

Another silence followed but as they approached the common room, Severus stopped "I need to grab my stuff from the potions room. I'll see you later."

Avery nodded slightly "Go on"

They parted ways, Severus making the short journey to the potions room. Seeing Slughorn was the last thing he wanted to do but there was no avoiding this. His supplies couldn't sit in there anymore.

Walking in, he heard the sleazy old voice seeping from his office. He only caught the last half of what Slughorn said but he could tell he was quite proud of himself "...got it all sorted out for you, my dear."

Whatever response that was given didn't penetrate the door but Slughorn's pride grew "Not at all, not at all. I'm happy to do it, really."

Severus rolled his eyes and began packing his potion supplies into his bag. The pause was greater this time but Slughorn continued, "You're doing quite well, indeed. And I can't help but notice you've managed to get the ink off your hands as well"

Ink. His head snapped up. Was it really her again? How was it that suddenly she was everywhere?

Slughorn went on "Always good to know you've taken my advice. You'll be fitting in nicely in no time"

The manipulation had never been so blatant. Surely, she had to sense the danger here. He could only hope so.

"Right. Good girl. Just be careful with those drawings, yes?" The chuckle in his voice made Severus grimace.

She opened the office door just enough to slip out and she froze when she saw him. Her curls were tamer than usual and when she closed the door, he saw that her hands were, in fact, ink-free.

So, she was conforming. How could she not see the trap Slughorn was placing right in her path? She couldn't possibly be that naive.

His voice left him before he had even decided to speak. "You don't need to say yes to him, you know."

Her paralysis faded as her hands found each other. One caressed the other like it was the head of a dog.

He didn't even see her lips move as she whispered "I know"

She was so meek, it was unbelievable. His mind flashed with her tearful eyes in that dark closet and the lump returned to his throat.

He averted his eyes to keep it from growing and he shoved his cauldron into his bag. He tossed his keys to the storeroom onto the table. He'd let Slughorn find those on his own.

Setting his jaw tight as he looked at her again. Why did she have this effect on him? He shouldn't care. He didn't. There was no reason for his chest to feel so sore.

The silence stretched for a moment and he felt each beat of his heart as he watched her. Her hands didn't stop their motion and her eyes were questioning, like she was waiting to be dismissed.

She truly had no agency, did she? Nothing was keeping her. He certainly has no authority over her and yet there she was; so clearly uncomfortable but not moving a muscle.

And if she was like this with him, how far would she go for Slughorn? Would she just absorb everything he fed her until she was ready for harvesting?

The thought boiled a new rage. Of course Slughorn saw how malleable she was and wanted to drain her dry. Disgusting.

He leaned against the table, crossing his arms "Why'd you join anyway?"

It seemed she wasn't expecting him to speak. Her eyes were saucers again but they didn't hold fear this time, they held surprise and it was strong in her voice.

"You mean Slug Club?" Hearing her voice at a moderate volume felt like hearing her yell. It was a bit jarring.

He set his jaw and nodded firmly, determined to solve this conundrum "Yes. Slug Club."

Her tension grew. She looked back at the office where Slughorn resided and took a few steps away before talking in that murmur again "Well um...he asked me to."

Oh Merlin. Was that all? That was the reason? How naive could she be? But that didn't make any sense either "At the end of the year?"

She glanced at the door again and he could practically see her anxiety "Well um...all year"

His own eyes looked at the door now and he could tell he wasn't going to get a real answer, not while she was near that office.

With a sigh, he slung his bag over his shoulder. He gave a swift tilt of his head, gesturing for her to follow.

She only hesitated for a moment before she did, trailing behind him. Once they were a good distance away, he turned to her, leaning against the wall.

She looked a bit lost. Her arms entwined each other and her shoulders nearly touched her ears as she glanced around the corridor.

She really didn't want anyone to hear this.

He glanced around as well, checking for privacy before finally asking again, a bit hushed "Why'd you join?"

He could see her brain calculating as her gaze lingered on his face. The pause stretched long enough to make him wonder if she would answer at all but finally, she looked down at her feet "I didn't want to" She confessed softly.

That much was obvious. Anyone who'd been at the meeting could see that. But this was a start, he was getting somewhere "Then why did you?" He asked, still just as quiet.

Her face scrunched as she contemplated her words, shifting between her feet "He um...offered to um...pay. For a summer program"

It all clicked. So that was Slughorn's bait. He always offered something that couldn't be refused and he was locking her in a cage. A program for serenity charms had to be expensive and the training would be rigorous. It was the perfect thing for the sleazeball to use as a grooming tool. She was a lamb being led to slaughter.

His nostrils flared as he exhaled steam. He leaned in a bit, urging her to take in his words "You realize he'll be expecting something in return, don't you?"

She didn't hesitate "I know." she whispered.

He blinked, taken aback "You know?" He asked incredulously. "And you don't care?"

She was staring down as if her shoelaces were the ones speaking to her.

He waited, watching her stand stiffly for a long moment before realizing she wasn't going to answer. He felt his frustration growing. She couldn't possibly know what she was agreeing to.

"He'll hound you." He insisted "Not just now. After graduation. For years."

She whimpered softly and buried her face in her hands "I know" She said firmly.

He couldn't stop his voice from raising "Then why the hell would you agree to that?"

She huffed, leaning against the wall now. She rubbed a finger between her brows and he could see the exhaustion pull her eyes shut. She didn't answer that either.

He couldn't allow this to happen. He had to intervene. But what could he possibly say to get her to see reason? "You shouldn't let him have that power over you" He urged.

She looked up at him again and she was on the verge of tears. The sight was a splash of water on his growing flame. The last of the steam left him.

Her eyes roamed his face and he could see that she too was trying to solve a conundrum; one that she looked fearful of. She swallowed several times before speaking "I know" There was a slight tremor in her voice.

The ache was back and he couldn't look at those eyes. It was like seeing a kicked kitten.

The silence was palpable and he joined her in looking at the shoes; his standing still while hers shuffled against the floor.

Everything inside him was telling him to go. He had no business being involved in her affairs. His dorm was calling his name but something kept him rooted to his spot, something he couldn't fathom.

By the time he looked at her again, her face had become exceptionally blank.

That change didn't make him feel any less sick.

"Just...be vigilant." He urged.

She nodded slightly, still watching her feet duetting each other "I am" She whispered.

He gave a small nod. He hoped that was true but had no concept of why he did. Pity, perhaps? Yes. It must be that.

He smoothed his hair out of his face and let out a breath. Watching her stand there, barely holding herself together was starting to feel unbearable. His legs felt a bit restless.

She looked up at him and, to his surprise, all fear was gone from her eyes. She took the time to really look at him, just like he'd done to her.

She tilted her head slightly as her eyes analyzed every feature of his face. His hooked nose, pale skin, greasy hair and deep-set eyes. Features that only brought him ridicule and taunts. His stomach churned again and his skin crawled. He felt his lip curl as he looked away sharply.

She looked away as well, curling in on herself, looking repentant.

The quiet continued and the two of them stayed immersed in their thoughts.

What could she possibly be thinking in that moment? Her face offered not even a fraction of a clue. It was so extraordinary that she could be so expressionless.

Her fingers were twisting and tangling together and he watched them closely. At least she wasn't picking at them like she was before.

The skin of her hands looked softer without the ink. He had to wonder how often her hands looked like this, especially remembering the way she'd spread the ink with her fingers.

The more the silence continued, the more he knew he had to make a choice. He had to say something or he had to leave.

In the end, either curiosity or the need to distract from the sore spot in his chest compelled him to speak. "You draw." He said simply.

A bewilderment grew in her eyes as she regarded him. It seemed she didn't understand his desire for conversation any more than he did. "Um...yeah" She said it almost as a question.

He nodded slightly, fighting to find something to say "Spiders" He breathed, remembering the doodles from the library.

She chewed her lip and turned red. Why did she look almost guilty? "Mostly" She murmured.

Her discomfort was evident but the reason for it wasn't. "Mostly?" He prompted.

The noise she made was almost a scoff but resembled a chuckle. She looked like a worm on a hook the way she squirmed "I...I don't only like spiders. People...seem to think...that..." She trailed off and he waited for her to continue but it became clear quickly she wasn't going to. Her posture shifted and it seemed she was preparing for a lashing.

Did she think he was going to tease her? Make a snide comment? He certainly wasn't. "What else then?" he nudged gently.

The look in her eyes was hard to read but it looked like gratitude. Her guard didn't fall though "Um...bats" She flinched.

His chest tightened. It was a pitiful thing to witness, really; her flinching like that. Safety must be something she rarely felt. The security of the closet must have been a lifeline for her and he wondered just how often she went in there.

He readjusted against the wall, watching a few students passing by. Should he go? Certainly, she wanted to get back to her dorm. She looked almost stuck and he didn't like having her leashed like this. But that thought didn't get to finish.

"Vultures" She offered freely, pulling his eyes back to her.

He wasn't expecting that. Not at all.

Nor was he expecting the hope he saw in those eyes as she peeked up at him. They were shining in the dim light and for the first time, they had spirit in them. It was like he was seeing her truly awake for the first time.

His breath halted and an inexplicable tingle spread on his skin that warmed his cheeks. It was so new and it was...pleasant?

He took a breath, hoping his hair hid his blush. "Vultures?" He repeated and he was sure he looked as stunned as she had when he started this.

She nodded, rolling her lips over each other. They looked so damn soft.

His heart was hammering now "So...animals?" He probed and the genuine interest in his voice seemed to spark something in her.

Her eyes lit up and there was a tiny twitch of a smile on her lips. She nodded with a soft hum "Spooky ones" She clarified.

Merlin, what was this feeling? He was sure he was bright red now "I see..." He mused.

She hummed in agreement and seemed to melt with a newfound trust. Her head fell to rest on the wall and she rubbed a finger across the brick. "Um...do you like...spooky things?"

Why was he smiling? And why couldn't he stop himself from doing so?

He had to swallow before answering "I do" He said but he was certain she had deciphered that for herself.

Her lips twitched again, causing a flutter deep in him as they both watched her finger creating invisible pictures on the wall. The silence this time wasn't as heavy, it simply swam past.

In the stillness of the moment, he watched her. He was sure he'd unlocked something new. All her tension was gone and she was nestled, like a stray cat pooled at his feet. He was determined not to step on her.

He melted as well, letting the wall hold his weight. Meeting her gaze, he saw a softness that was infectious. Her cherubic features were more prominent than ever and he felt a cloud spread over him. A velvet, warm cloud that embraced him, warming him from the inside out.

It felt so similar to the warmth Lily had provided but somehow, it was entirely different. Lily's energy was exhilarating, like the summer sun. But this...this was a tender hug. It was peaceful, soothing.

She was submerged in her thoughts but something in her eyes made him think she felt it too.

She looked up at him and her smile wasn't a twitch this time, not at all. It was a very soft and hesitant tugging of her cheeks that made the fervor in him spread from his chest into his limbs.

Suddenly, his mouth was dry and for the first time in his life, he was speechless.

Her gaze found her feet again and she was back to wriggling. She let out a small sigh as the silence stretched on another moment.

She stretched a bit and stood up properly again, watching as more students started to shuffle passed.

The next words out of her mouth shouldn't have stung the way they did.

"Um...curfew is soon" She whispered

It was a punch in his gut and he shifted to alleviate the pain.

"It is." He conceded in a whisper.

A flicker of her armor returned as she looked away. She took a hesitant step away "Um...bye"

The finality of the word was another blow and watching her go, he felt much colder.

Chapter Text

Friday, June 13, 1975 8:12am

His bed felt rather empty that night. The night felt more crisp than usual like the cold wasn't in the air; it had crept inside him.

The thoughts of her were more rampant than ever. They scurried over the grooves of his brain causing an itch he couldn't scratch.

This was stupid. Idiotic. He didn't have time to be focused on some Hufflepuff. She hardly even spoke to him and yet there he was, sitting at breakfast and hoping to spot yellow robes.

The prattle of the other Slytherins bounced off his ears as he watched the door. And there she was.

Noa looked just as skittish as ever, scampering to her respective table and finding a spot at the very edge of it, away from the huddle of other badgers.

She filled her plate with fruit and pancakes, covering it all with a light grazing of honey. When she dug in, the bites she took made him wonder if she was eager to flee or simply ravenous.

He was locked on her and there was no fighting it anymore. He hardly even picked up on WIlkes' voice prompting him.

"Right, Snape?"

He blinked, glancing over to find eyes on him. "Right." He said, not knowing at all what he was agreeing to. He just hoped his tone was convincing enough for them to move the conversation along.

Apparently, his feigned interest convinced no one "Are you even listening?" The tone in Wilkes' voice made something boil inside Severus. He was always so condescending.

He clenched his jaw "I've learned to tune out your tripe." He shot.

Wilkes just rolled his eyes and turned back to the others, continuing their discussion without him.

Now that he was mildly eavesdropping, his ear perked. They were pooling their money together, planning to sneak off to Borgin and Burkes.

Damn it. If he'd known that was the plan, he would've agreed. Not that he had any money to contribute but a visit to Knockturn Alley was something he would never turn down. But there was no way he was going to swallow his pride and join in now.

He didn't bother buttering his toast before biting into it. It was all just mush in his mouth and his tongue idly slopped it.

Once again, his eyes were drawn to her. She was surprisingly tranquil now despite there being no change in her posture. She was cradling a book in her hands, her fingers flicking at the pages as she skimmed through them.

He wondered briefly if he was living in her mind the same way she was in his. DId she have any idea the effect she had on him?

But his thoughts were cut off yet again.

"Oi. You like Hufflepuffs now?"

He was caught and his blood instantly boiled. He snapped his head around to glower at Mulciber's amused expression.

"Mind your business." He hissed.

The smug grin only grew on Mulciber's face. "Spider girl? Really?"

He heard a few snickers from the others and the rage intensified.

"Piss off. I was simply looking." He spat, wishing the venom in his tone would burn each of them.

A hiss of laughter filled the table, stoking the flame in him.

Wilkes lilted, "Admiring the ink?"

They were hyenas at this point. Severus nearly growled "Shut it. I have no interest." He filled his voice with as much disdain as he could muster to disguise the insincerity of the words "She's bloody strange, that's all"

That shifted the mood and they all took the opportunity to pile onto the comment.

"Isn't she?" Wilkes mused "I saw her cutting her hair in the library once."

They all bobbed their heads in agreement. The defamation made a pit grow in his stomach but saying anything against it would only confirm their suspicions.

"She does that all the time." Avery confirmed "In class too."

"She really shouldn't leave her hair around like that. Someone could Polyjuice her." Wilkes laughed into his cup as he took a sip.

"Yeah, they'll spend a month brewing just to go to her classes for her" The sarcasm dripped off of Mulciber.

Wilkes shrugged. "Well she's not entirely boring, is she? Considering her dad."

"Her dad?" Severus's attention was fully gripped now.

Avery raised a brow, "You don't know?" His voice was hushed with secrecy. He scanned the room for a moment before tapping a subtle yet deliberate finger onto his left forearm.

His body stiffened as he stared at her again, this time through a new lens.

Her father...is a Death Eater? That couldn't be possible. She probably avoided stepping on ants on the pavement and her father was out murdering muggle-borns? There was no way. It had to be just a rumor.

Avery knew exactly what he was thinking. "I thought the last name was a coincidence at first but then I met him. Looks just like her."

The reassurance wasn't convincing at all. He couldn't spot a hint of darkness in her as she picked the leaves off her strawberry.

Wilkes involved himself, as he always did. "If she wasn't so creepy, I might consider letting her sit with us."

"Really? A Hufflepuff?" That was unheard of. But something about that comment fostered hope in Severus.

Wilkes scoffed, "I said 'consider'" he crossed his arms "Just out of comradery. She's got a good family. Purebloods."

Right. Of course that was the reason. None of them had any idea what it was like to be near her. They only cared about her blood status and family ties. That's all they ever cared about.

The conversation shifted to other girls in their year but Severus paid it no mind. His eyes found her again right as she left the Great Hall, so swiftly he nearly missed her exit. As he watched her scurry, his mind swirled with all the mysteries he was still sorting out. The scar, her constant fear and now her familial ties to the Dark Lord.

Her absence only watered the seed of his curiosity and he couldn't help himself. His feet were suddenly trekking behind her.

Her curls bounced slightly with each step and her sunny robe flowed behind her. His nimble legs carried him quicker and he could swear he felt warmer with each stride that led him falling into step beside her.

She did a double take, her eyes growing wide with recognition "Oh" She whispered, as her feet slowed their pace.

"Where are you going?" He inquired

She stopped in her tracks then, staring up at him. She paused for a long moment, seemingly to check for an insinuation in the question "I um...well...the library."

He nodded slightly and the silence was back. Neither of them looked at the other, they just glanced around the empty corridor. He should say something but he was still trying to figure out why he was even there.

When they finally met eyes again, she looked just as soft as she had the night before. She blinked a few times in uncertainty before offering the smallest smile that reinvited the warmth in his chest.

The longer the silence went on, the more confusion grew on her face. Why couldn't he get anything to come out of his mouth?

She scratched the back of her neck and her face scrunched up in deep thought. The interaction was clearly just as puzzling to her if not more so. "Um..." She hesitated "Did you...want to come?"

He did. He really did. He found himself nodding stiffly "Yeah" He breathed.

He could see a twinkle in her chestnut eyes as she smiled yet again, this time bigger than ever. His breath nearly stopped.

The two of them continued the journey in silence and settled across from each other at a table in the back corner of the library. Nearly everyone was still at breakfast and the emptiness of the room felt vast. The only sound was her feet tapping nervously on her chair.

She met his eyes briefly before tightening the ball she was in with a slight blush on her cheeks that made his redden as well.

He took a deep breath, trying to stop his heart from racing.

She started digging in her bag, setting her notes onto the table with care. Every margin was full of eerie doodles that confirmed her love for 'spooky things' and stoked his as well. The way she'd smudged the ink made them all look like they were swimming in a cloud of smoke. Was that why she used her fingers the way she did?

The entire aura of it was so contrasted with her meekness that he wouldn't believe it was her creation if the ink wasn't on her hands. He leaned closer to get a better look at the various subjects.

Spiders, of course, mostly on their webs. But also the bats and vultures she'd mentioned. The one that caught his eye though was the dementor she'd drawn in the corner of the page. It was surprisingly detailed and well done. As if she'd seen real ones countless times.

"You like dementors?"

He heard her feet stop their tapping and she pulled the paper closer to herself, shielding them from view "I...um...yes" She mumbled.

"That wasn't an accusation" He soothed, extending a hand "Show me."

Her eyes widened a bit at that and she looked at the drawing, determining its worth "I...um...well this...this isn't a good one" She clutched the papers to her chest.

He tried hard not to let her stalling irk him "You have others then?" He redirected, hoping she'd take the bait.

She swallowed hard and sunk into her chair, rejecting the lure. "Um..." She barely breathed out.

Her cowering was starting to weigh on him. How could he get her to stop acting like his wand was aimed at her under the table?

He leaned in, resting his elbows on the surface. "I'm not going to bite you." He said firmly.

The words clicked something for her, he could see it in her eyes. She just stared at him for a long moment, her eyes slowly contracting, her body letting go of some of its stiffness.

"You...um...you're being nice to me then?"

That question stopped him cold. Nice? Was he being nice? He was, wasn't he? As much as he told himself he was simply curious, he'd known deep down that wasn't the truth. He wanted to be there and he couldn't deny that, even if he hated how deep her hook was.

He let out a breath, staring at the blank wall beside him "Yeah" He admitted "I am"

She relaxed further, slowly setting the papers back on the table and her feet resumed their tapping. The heaviness in the air faded and the two of them let the tension fade from their muscles like they were in the steam of a sauna.

He leaned back again, letting his eyes explore the empty library. It was serene and silent. The morning light was shining across the tables and he could see the dust drifting through it like autumn leaves drifting down to the earth.

Her presence was so gentle, he hardly felt it but he heard a faint sound that called his attention.

Her fingertips were resting on a purple package, sliding it across the table. It settled in front of him and his heart skipped. A chocolate frog?

His eyes stayed fixed on it for a moment, trying to grasp the sudden action. She was...giving it to him? Why?

Her face didn't offer any clarity and her mouth didn't either. She simply twirled her hair between her fingers.

The frog rattled lightly inside when he picked it up. He ran his fingers over the crisp edges of the packaging and the warmth evolved into a glow in his chest that he was sure she could see from the outside.

He met her eyes again and they were so damn shy. She offered a genuine smile that felt exactly like a hug. He couldn't breathe. He was breathless.

"You...you're giving me this?" He asked, his voice tinged with disbelief.

She nodded sheepishly, stretching her arms out on the table like a cat in the sun.

He shook his head, gazing down at the frog again. It was such a small gesture but he had no idea what he'd done to earn it.

"I-" His voice caught in his throat. Looking back up at her, he saw her uncurl from her ball, sitting properly for the first time.

He gave speech another try. "Thank you" He said sincerely.

She gave a small nod, looking down at her hands, fiddling with her papers "I do...like dementors." She admitted again, her voice just as soft as ever.

He felt his own cheeks tug at his lips to match hers "I do too."

The joy that grew on her face was so wholesome, one would never guess it was spawned from discussion of such a dark creature. She leaned in close, her eyes bright "Yeah?"

He found himself leaning in as well, drawn in by her tenderness "Yeah. Do you draw them a lot then?"

She nodded eagerly "They're quite pretty"

His brow arched "Pretty?" That was certainly a word he'd never considered.

She hummed a yes and dug into her bag. She fetched a book and flipped through it a bit before sliding it over to him. She glided her finger over the flowing black cloaks and sinister mist on the page.

"See? Pretty." She admired it closely, her touch tender "They're fun to draw. There's a lot of shapes to play with" She flipped a few more pages and showed him another image "Lethifolds too. Although they're quite scary."

He was only barely looking at the book. His gaze was on her passionate expression. The appreciation she had for something so ominous made his chest flutter.

Most people found these things vile and it was rarely understood that he simply found them fascinating. Everyone seemed to think that admiring something dark meant he had sinister intentions. No matter how many times he'd explained it to Lily, she'd never missed an opportunity to tell him where his affinity would lead him, as if she was clairvoyant.

He had to imagine she got the same treatment but she likely had no one to turn to. He doubted the other Hufflepuffs would be receptive to these things. That explained her isolation from them and her pure excitement in this discussion.

"Are they your favorite then? Dementors?" He probed.

She pondered that for a moment, flipping through the book "Well...I like...acromantulas..." The tiny smile on her lips showed that she knew exactly how self-evident that was.

"Right. Spiders" He teased lightly, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his chair. "Naturally."

She pulled her hair over her face to hide her smile and butterflies fluttered in his stomach.

Her face was cherry red now and she abandoned the book, leaning back as well "What's your favorite?"

His smirk grew a touch "Inferi"

She sat up again instantly "Yeah?" She beamed. Her hands were in her bag again and she grabbed a parchment, sliding it over to him with a bright smile. "Here"

He brought the paper closer. It was a cluster of Inferi all contorted, crawling over each other. Their fingers dug into each others' flesh with no heed. The detail was immaculate. Each bone was pronounced and they looked desperate to creep out of the foggy confines of the page. It was captivating.

The image was so paradoxical to the girl in front of him. It was so contrasted to her coy grin as she waited anxiously for his assessment.

He looked back down at the parchment "You drew this?"

"Mmhmm" She peeked at the paper herself "I um...I like to make...spooky pictures" There was that word again.

He stared down at the image and he understood why she'd used the word 'pretty' to describe these creatures. The drawing wasn't just that, it was true raw talent.

"It's brilliant." He said breathlessly.

He watched her breath get snatched from her as every feature lit up. She was a lantern now, emitting a glow of appreciation that he could feel on the skin of his face "Thank you" she whispered.

Their glows mixed and warmed their small table. It felt like words were unnecessary for the moment, it was so tranquil in the nest they had together.

She sat back in her chair again with a new pride in her eyes and it caused another flutter in him.

She chewed her lip and looked down at her hands, rubbing them together as if that would get the ink off her skin. She looked up at him a few times as if deciding whether or not to speak before doing so.

"You um...you like potions?"

The shift in topic was jarring but not unwelcome. "I do" He confirmed and his pride made him continue "I'm top of class."

She let out the faintest of chuckles "You're top of class in everything."

She knew that? Did everyone know that? He tried not to let that go to his head. "Almost" He corrected.

She nearly laughed but suppressed it "Almost" she revised, tucking her hair behind her ears "But um...what do you like to brew then?"

He swiped his own hair off his face "Dark ones mostly. Poisons. I like the ones with hallucinatory effects."

She looked astonished. "Wicked" She breathed "Are those allowed?"

He scoffed, shaking his head "Not technically."

She leaned in closer, lowering her voice "So what do you do with them then after you brew them? You obviously can't use them."

"Regrettably not." He grumbled, thinking of the stash of vials he had under his bed "Can't be getting expelled."

She nodded and twirled her hair, staring off "Right...murder would be...bad" She murmured.

That earned a proper chuckle from him. Hearing her angelic voice say the word 'murder' was just too much. "Yes. Bad." He smirked.

She started to examine her curls closely "But um...hypothetically...if it wasn't..."

He froze and his brow knitted. She couldn't be implying what he thought she was. There had to be something else she could mean. "What?"

She squirmed again, letting go of her locks so she could tangle her hands together "I just mean um...you know..." her voice got progressively quieter until it trailed off.

He shifted in his seat to meet her eyes more directly and searched them "No. I don't know." He insisted. There was no way he was letting her drop this. If she was asking what he thought she was, this conversation was about to get so much more interesting. "Tell me."

She shrugged, sinking in her chair "I just mean...you know...if it wasn't bad...who um..."

"Who would I poison?" He finished for her, not believing at all that those were the words to complete the inquiry.

She gave the smallest of nods and the smile that grew made him finally believe that the drawings were indeed created by her.

He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. This was unreal. This frail little Hufflepuff was asking him to pick murder victims? It was absurd. But Merlin, it was fantastic. "So many people." He whispered almost to himself.

She shrugged "First victim then?"

There was a rush of adrenaline at that question. He didn't need to give that a single moment of thought "Potter" He said firmly, tasting the bitterness on his tongue as he spoke the name "Hypothetically" He added with a mischievous smirk.

Her agreement was evident. She nodded quickly. "He does need to go, doesn't he? Him and Black."

This was a dream. It had to be. The whole school worshipped those two as heroes, it was sickening. But for once, he wasn't the only one who saw them for the repulsive worms they truly were. He'd never felt so validated "Black, certainly. Lupin too"

That caught her off guard "Lupin? Really?"

His tension built again. Of course she'd fallen for Lupin's unassuming, nice guy act. Everyone did. If only they all knew what he was; where he went every full moon. But Severus can't tell a soul about what happened to him. What could've happened...

He felt steam leave his nose "Yes. Lupin. He's just as bad as the others. Worse possibly." He said through his teeth.

Her eyes grew as she squirmed, cracking her knuckles now. "I always thought Lupin was quite...nice"

He shook his head firmly, urging her to listen. He didn't want her anywhere near that beast. "He puts on a good show but he's bad news. Seriously. A hypocrite too. He's Potter's little puppet"

She sat back in her chair, digesting that "Oh...that's...so sad."

Relief washed over him when he was actually believed without question. He sat back in his chair as well. "He's a spineless little weasel. Don't pity him."

She blinked a few times and shook her head "No" She nearly whispered "I meant...it's awful that he's been unkind to you."

Those words hit him in a way he wasn't ready for. Not at all. He stared into her eyes and something in him melted.

It wasn't pity in her gaze, it was something deeper. Empathy. Understanding. He'd never felt so completely warm inside. It made his entire guard waver "I...what?"

She twirled her hair again "Well, I mean I always thought Lupin was...better than the others. I thought he um...well I thought he sort of reined them in. But...he's just as bad?"

When had Lupin ever intervened? "He's a bloody coward. He's never stopped them from doing anything."

She studied his face with pained eyes and let out an exceptionally long breath. She twisted her hair quicker now and he thought he saw tears in her eyes before she looked down at her lap.

"Do they...do they hurt you?" She whispered

A chill spread through his bones. He wished they'd only hurt him. He wished they bruised him, broke his bones, and sent him to the hospital wing.

Instead he was haunted by sensations that refused to relent. His mind flashed with their devious grins and he was revisited by the agony. The frothing of soap that burned his airway. The weight of his muscles, incapable of struggling. The breeze shivering across his bare legs...

No. No. No.

He couldn't dwell. He couldn't succumb to their attempts to dehumanize him. He had to let it go, leave it all by the lake.

He became statuesque and he willed the sensations to leave his body with his heavy exhale. "Yes" He said bitterly "Yes, they hurt me."

He couldn't look at her. But he could hear her shift in her seat, letting out a quavering breath.

Neither of them spoke and in the silence, he fought to return to the present moment. To feel his seat beneath him, his trousers in their rightful place, his muscles moving freely. To know he wasn't at the mercy of those bastards. They had no power over him. Not now. Not ever again. He'd become stronger, more prepared, more attentive.

Her small voice cut through his thoughts "So um...what kind of poison then?" She sounded so very far away.

He blinked a few times, letting his mind return to his body.

He swallowed, fighting back the tears in his eyes. It was impossible to keep his walls up with her and it was starting to frighten him.

He looked up at her, expecting to see annoyance or confusion at his lack of response but he found only patience. That same tiny smile and a softness in her eyes that was immeasurable.

His heart was racing even harder now. He didn't know how to process that. He fought to reset his breathing and his mind finally registered the question she had asked.

"Um...I'm not sure" His own voice sounded just as distant.

Her voice was incredibly gentle "We'll need to ponder that then"

"Yeah" He agreed softly, letting out a lungful of air.

The moment hung in the air and he was grateful for her silence. It let him anchor himself properly. It didn't take long before his head was on straight.

They heard students shuffling through the corridors as breakfast ended. Classes were starting soon and that realization was painful.

Her eyes moved over to the clock and then back to him looking equally disappointed.

"What class do you have first?" She asked gently.

The thought of leaving made him feel so cold "Transfigurations"

She nodded, grabbing her bag tentatively "Will I um...see you? Around?" Merlin, he hoped so. And the hope in her voice made him flutter inside.

"Yeah...yeah you will"

Chapter Text

Friday, June 13, 1975 4:21pm

The flutters didn't leave Noa for one moment, nor did her smile. She was doodling far more snakes than she ever had and they all curled and swirled into the letter 'S'.

The class lectures didn't find her ears, there was only one word that mattered to her that day. One word that followed her and kept her feeling weightless.

Brilliant.

It was such a simple word but he'd said it so sincerely. So certainly. She almost didn't believe the word had left his mouth.

She'd spent days wondering if he hated her but now she was almost certain he actually wanted to spend time with her. With her!

He'd even smiled at her and at lunch, the scowl left his eyes every time they met hers. Even across the room, she felt like a person when he saw her. Not a spectacle or a project to be fixed. A human.

It was an experience she'd been desperate for since second year. Since she'd been branded that awful name. Finally, to at least one person, she was just Noa.

She was floating through the halls as fluid as the serpents covering her pages.

It was unlike anything she'd ever felt. Of course she'd fancied boys before but this was so different. It was everything they talked about in the poetry and fairytales she clung to.

She hummed aimless melodies as she made her way out to the lake. She was a feather in the warm breeze searching for a spot to settle. When she found a soft patch of grass, she nestled, feeling the blades tickle the skin above her socks.

It was so peaceful there and she let it all sink in. The water's ripples sparkled and shined like diamonds in the afternoon sun.

It was truly stunning. She wanted to rest there all evening, let her eyes flutter shut and dream endlessly of that word.

Brilliant.

He thought her art was brilliant. Not creepy or disturbing or crude. Brilliant.

Goodness, it was fantastic. Even if he never spoke to her again, she would cherish that memory for eternity. It would rest inside her with the warmth that had bloomed upon hearing that one single word.

She rested fully on the grass, letting her breath escape her as her eyes drifted shut. Away from everyone, she could appreciate the beauty of the day and she intended to bask in it.

The rustling of trees behind her was serene until she heard the sharp sound of twig breaking. Her heart stopped.

Quickly peering into the foliage, she searched for the source. It wasn't wind, she knew that much.

There were shadows and trunks but among them, she could just barely decipher the outline of a very large black dog. His nose peeked between the trees and his eyes were fixed right on her.

She blinked. A dog? Here? She'd never seen a dog at Hogwarts; they weren't allowed as pets. Did he belong to Hagrid?

Or was he perhaps a wolf? No, his snout was much too short and his coat was too ragged. But he didn't look like any dog she'd ever seen before. He was enormous.

Regardless, he was quite cute in the way he was a bit disheveled and his demeanor wasn't aggressive, just attentive. Perhaps he was friendly.

A smile grew at that thought and her day was only getting better. If he was docile, maybe he would like her. They could be friends and if he was comfy enough, she could help him. She had plenty of treats and potions for creature-tending in her bag. Surely he would like having his fleas removed and a bite to eat.

She sat up properly and inched closer just a bit, extending a hesitant hand "Hi doggy...how are you?" She prompted gently.

He didn't move a muscle.

She hummed thoughtfully, tilting her head a bit at him "Feeling shy?" She observed "That's alright. I'm shy too."

His gaze seemed to soften and she took that as a good sign "Would you like a treat?" She offered

She dug into her bag, finding the small pouch of chicken scraps she'd intended for the forest kneazles.

She almost reached into it but hesitated "Sorry, my hands are inky" She chuckled.

Unsure of what to do with the pouch, she just shifted it between her hands for a moment. He still didn't move but she was sure his muscles were softening.

She smiled warmly and stood, making sure to keep a respectful distance "I'm nice. I promise." She soothed, hoping he'd sense her sincerity.

He seemed to. He took a tentative step closer, tilting his head.

She hummed a tune that she hoped was soothing and let him take a moment to study her. She didn't mind waiting, she was afraid too when she met a stranger.

When she saw him relax a bit more, she set the pouch of chicken on the ground, peeking up at him "Here. If you want some, you can have it."

Finally, there was a breakthrough. He took a few small steps closer, sniffing at the pouch. He glanced up at her once more before probing the pouch open with his nose, examining it.

She beamed. She wasn't very confident in many of her abilities but it never stopped making her heart warm with pride every time she soothed a creature.

"It's chicken" She assured him "it's good, I got it yesterday"

He gave it another sniff but didn't eat any of it, he just looked up at her again, his eyes studying her face.

Her shoulders sank a bit "You don't like it? I could bring you something else. I'm sure I could grab something from the kitchens"

He just stared at her.

Perhaps this was a step backwards. That was a bit disheartening but she offered a tentative hand for him to sniff "It's alright. I promise"

Finally, the dog seemed to relax and they both let out a breath. He took a small sniff of her hand but his eyes were still on hers.

"There you go" She said softly "I'm a friend"

Their eyes stayed locked and she could almost see an unspoken thought in his gray ones. The moment hung before he glanced back at the trees and his paw made an uncertain step in that direction.

Maybe he didn't like being out here. It must feel more like home in the forest for him.

She grabbed the pouch, placing it back into her bag "Would you like to walk with me, doggy?" She offered and started into the trees "Come on."

He stared at her for a long moment before giving the area a glance and reluctantly padding after her.

She led him along, running her hands over the trunks as she went.

"It's so nice in here, isn't it? I catch a lot of spiders in here" She ducked under a branch "we just can't go too far"

He followed close and she gave him a small grin as she found her favorite tree. She'd spent plenty of hours under this tree, appreciating the grooves and curves of the trunk. There were vines that ran up the bark and formed eloquent designs that she loved imagining shapes in like one does with clouds. She had to wonder if dogs saw trees the same way she did.

She settled at the base of the trunk "This is my favorite spot" She informed him "Isn't it so pretty?"

Maybe he did appreciate the beauty of the spot as well. He glanced at the trees and watched a few leaves fall. He didn't settle though, he just stood stiffly in the small clearing.

She stretched on the grass and dug into her bag, picking a few grapes she had hidden in there.

"You're a sweet doggy, aren't you?" She mused warmly, tossing a grape onto her tongue "We should be friends"

Her warmth seemed to melt him and he settled his paws more firmly on the grass. Finally he sat.

Her smile grew along with her confidence "Comfy now?" She lilted "I told you, I'm nice"

She rested her head on the tree and they enjoyed the quiet of the forest together. He kept watching the trees swaying in the wind while she nibbled her grapes.

As she pondered, she became sure he wasn't a wild dog. He didn't behave like one at all and, this close, she could see just how clean his fur was. It was tousled and disorderly but it had a shine to it. That was curious.

She leaned in a bit closer and met his eyes again, "Where did you come from, doggy?"

His eyes darted away and something about the way he squirmed made her hair stand up.

Did he...understand what she was asking? If he did, he didn't want her to inquire further.

That was such an absurd thought, she had to push it away. He was shy. Maybe she'd gotten too close and frightened him.

She sighed and leaned back against the tree. Shy. That was all. But she watched him more closely now. Even his posture was strange. He wasn't sitting but he wasn't lying down either. It was somewhere in between and it had to be uncomfortable.

This was so incredibly silly. There were a thousand other explanations for his behavior but at the same time, his eyes were just so attentive. They focused on hers like they were trying to read her. And how could a dog end up here if not a pet? None of this made sense.

She could always test the waters, there would be no harm in that. If he didn't understand her, this would simply blow over. And if he did...

She held her breath as she dipped a toe in.

"You're quite strange" She started, finding her courage to continue. She watched him closely as she said the next part "Handsome though"

His ears shot up at the word and she jolted as well. That was a yes. He knew exactly what she was saying.

Her heart began to pound.

What in the world? A massive stray dog with clean fur was not only listening to her words but comprehending them. She'd read so much about magical creatures but she'd never heard of anything like this.

It was so much to wrap her mind around.

If he understood that meant he heard her ask to be friends. And he'd stayed. So was that a yes? He'd like to be friends? Had she made a second friend in one day?

She beamed as she inched closer "Would you like me to pet you?" She offered.

He pulled away quickly and she mentally scolded herself for being overzealous. He was shy, she had to remember that.

"Sorry" She whispered "I won't touch"

She created more distance, offering a soft smile instead. They were friends now and that made her heart soar.

But as she watched him, she couldn't stop thinking of his situation. If he did live out here, did he get cold? Did he have a nice place to rest? Did he go hungry?

He looked well fed but it must be exhausting to have to forage for food.

"Are you alright out here by yourself?" She asked softly.

He finally looked at her again and his eyes flickered between hers. There was a bridge of connection in the contact.

That made her ache inside. The image of him sitting alone in the rain filled her mind and she fought tears.

"Well, I'll help you." She offered in a whisper "I won't let you get lonely."

She swallowed, knowing exactly how it felt to be alone. For so long, she too had only the trees for company.

She stared down at her hands, rubbing at the ink that was stained there. "I um...I don't have many friends" She confessed, feeling her voice shake a bit.

He wasn't looking at her anymore. He was staring down at his paws with a melancholy expression.

She felt herself open up a bit more. "I've never had a proper friend." She said more honestly "Not really."

The words stung leaving her mouth. Like they were more true when they were in the air than when they were just in her head. It ached in her stomach and stirred up all the things she ran from.

Her nails began to dig into the skin of her hands, picking and scratching at the flesh. She knew she should stop. She always knew she should stop. But it made her thoughts feel quieter somehow. It made the ache in her stomach less pronounced.

It made it all feel farther away. All the taunts and teases and whispers of rumors. All the paper balls being thrown at her head. All of her drawings that were taken and torn to shreds as she watched.

It was relentless. And she couldn't understand for a moment why everyone seemed to hate her so much.

She'd always tried to be kind. To be good. To be liked...

A wet, black nose interrupted her fingers, nuzzling into them. It was tender and she felt her breath leave her when his eyes met hers. Though his nose was cold, the touch felt warm and soothed the ache in her. "Thanks" she whispered, giving his head a small pat that he leaned into.

She pet him more earnestly in gratitude and swallowed the lump in her throat. She took a moment to take several deep breaths. This truly was friendship, giving her the fortitude to confide further.

She fiddled with his ear as she sighed "People think I'm strange."

At those words, he let out a painful sigh, his ears flattening slightly as he averted his eyes.

"I'm not sure why" She continued "Well...I kind of do. I like spooky things. And I spend time alone. But a lot of people do. But...no one treats them like they treat me. I just...I don't know...why I'm...different from them."

He whined and shifted away from her slightly. She retracted her touch, not wanting to overwhelm him "Sorry" She whispered.

She stared at her hands as if the ink would form itself into the answer to her anguish. Her eyes burned with tears and she let out another shaky breath. "It's awful sometimes, you know." She quavered "People can be really mean."

He curled in on himself and he let out a breath that held a heavy weight. He refused to meet her eye and she could tell this was paining him just as much as it was her.

This wasn't helping either of them. She dried her tears, fighting to find all the optimism she could muster.

"But um...I um...well I do think I made a new friend." She said hopefully, a small smile growing as she remembered that morning. That beautiful morning.

Their eyes met again and he was listening much more intently now. He rested his head on her lap and peeked up at her, urging her to continue.

Her smile grew a bit more as she heard that word echo in her mind again "He said I was brilliant" She said, a bit more strength in her voice "Well, my art...he said my art was brilliant"

He nuzzled her hand again and let out a small huff. She giggled and gave him more pats.

"I um... I think he'd like to be my friend." She still couldn't believe that. It felt incredible "He's really lovely" She stated and a warmth spread inside her when she remembered his smile "So lovely"

There was a touch of amusement in the dog's eyes now and she was fully certain he was understanding every word.

"I think I fancy him" She confessed "Well I'm sure I do" she revised "he's just so so lovely"

Her mood was already lifting the more she talked about it and a hope was building in her again "Wouldn't it be so amazing if he fancied me back?"

The dog gave a small huff and nuzzled her hands again with a playful look in his eye.

"What? You think he does?" She giggled.

His tail wagged and he gave another huff. Her chuckle grew into a laugh "Don't be silly" she chimed "No, he's just being nice."

She melted back against the tree, stroking his head absentmindedly. "But if he did, I'd like that a lot." She pondered for a moment "Well, he did say he'd see me later and he smiled when he said it as well." Her heart leapt yet again at the thought. "And he likes um...he likes spooky things too." She swooned "And his eyes are stunning and he's tall and his voice..." She trailed off with a sigh "He could never fancy me"

Her smile faded and the dog sat up abruptly, nuzzling her face now. He gave a lick that startled her but caused a hearty laugh. "Quit!" She yelped and gave him a playful shove

She heard his tail thump as her laughter faded. She fiddled with her robes and they felt as soft as the butterflies in her stomach.

Her optimism was only growing. "Maybe I'll see him tomorrow" she hoped "it will be the weekend after all."

The grin in the dog's eyes made her feel warmer. She relaxed further and gave him some good scratches behind his ears.

"You're a good friend" She said sincerely "And a good listener" She cupped his face on her hands and drew him closer "Thank you. Truly. I feel much better"

The dog seemed to relish in the affection, closing his eyes tenderly and melting against her.

She placed a gentle kiss on his head and drew him into a hug. It was warm and in that moment, she realized just how much she needed it. She didn't want to leave. But it was beginning to get dark.

"I'll come back tomorrow if you'd like." She whispered.

His tail wagged vigorously on the grass and he nudged his head against hers. His small woof was a clear yes.

"Good then." She said firmly "I'll be back tomorrow"

She held him tight and felt him rest his head on her shoulder. This really was a wonderful day. She'd made two friends now and she was quite certain they both liked her. She hadn't felt so good in so long.

As she ran her fingers through his fur and admired it, a thought occurred to her suddenly. She pulled back and met his eyes "Would you like me to give you a name?" She asked. Her tone was hushed, as if she was speaking a secret.

He blinked at her and his ears twitched thoughtfully a few times before he gave an almost imperceptible nod.

Oh, this was amazing. She had a dog friend and she got to pick the perfect name "I'll think of a good one" She assured him, rustling his fur sweetly. Her fingers caressed the silky hairs and she thought hard.

She'd named so many spiders and usually, she'd use their home as inspiration. But that didn't feel right for the dog. He was special. He needed something more personal. Something that was unique to him and entirely his. It had to come from within, not from his surroundings.

She looked him over, thinking hard about the color of his fur, the shape of his paws, the flop of his ears. But no, it had to be his eyes. They were a deep silver color and made her think of the stones at the bottom of a peaceful stream. Smooth and soothing. Beautiful.

"Pebble" She decided "You'll be Pebble"

Chapter Text

Saturday, June 14, 1975 8:46am

The softness of her voice coiled around him with a pull he couldn't resist. Every flash of yellow drew his eye and he yearned to see a fluff of brown hair to accompany it.

Now, he wasn't thinking of the huddled rabbit he'd seen in the closet. He was ruminating on the impish grin she wore while stating Potter 'had to go'.

Those eerie drawings, her sweet little smile, the excitement in her eyes...she was so much more than a helpless mess.

She was a budding flower. Every moment with her, another petal bloomed and sent his butterflies fluttering towards her.

It was no wonder she was training in serenity charms; she was made for it. She could get a feral tiger to rest its head on her lap.

And yet, she was isolated. He just couldn't comprehend that. Yes, she was strange but anyone who spoke to her for more than a minute would surely see what he saw.

Unless...he was glimpsing petals that she usually kept folded.

He carried that thought into the next day and he woke the next morning to scampering feet and bantering voices.

He shoved his face into the pillow, groaning. Why they insisted on waking so early on a Saturday was beyond him. Hogsmeade was open all day, they were simply being impatient.

Not just impatient but so incredibly rude. They made no effort not to wake him even with the knowledge that he had no desire to join them. The last thing he wanted was to be in a crowd of people he despised, surrounded by goods he had no money to buy.

Staying behind on the weekends was his one saving grace. The castle felt less suffocating with fewer bodies and the corridors felt wider. He relished the isolation but this week he didn't exactly want to be entirely alone. There was one person he hoped shared his sentiment.

His prayers were answered when he spotted her; halting him but speeding his heart.

She was sitting in the dewy grass, peering into a glass jar as the morning wind tossed her curls. He had a feeling he knew what she was gazing so sweetly at.

He felt the cloud envelope him again and he made hesitant, muted steps on the grass, his mouth feeling more dry by the moment. By the time he reached her, his tongue was a desert.

He swallowed.

Calm down, Snape. She's just a girl, not a siren.

Though he was quiet, she seemed to sense his approach. She tensed considerably and tucked the jar into her robes before turning around.

But all tension evaporated when she saw his face.

"Hi" She whispered, her smile spreading up to her eyes.

She was glowing, and he was red again.

"Morning" He quavered, suddenly feeling exposed with so much color on his face "Spider?" He redirected.

She nodded, looking back at the jar in her delicate fingers. "Yeah." She murmured "He's a um...a labyrinth spider." She clarified.

She pressed a finger onto the glass as if she could send her love through it.

Merlin, she was precious. He shoved his hands into his robes to hide their tremble as he settled beside her.

She was engrossed in the tiny creature which he was grateful for. It gave him time to return to his pale complexion.

He fought the desert in his mouth "A labyrinth spider?"

Her sheepish grin was sprinkled with her delight "Mhmm. I found him in the greenhouse." She looked between him and the jar for a moment before slowly inching it towards him "Would you like to see?"

He nodded, curious to know what she found to be so special and tried to mimic her careful grasp as he accepted the jar.

A brown speck stared back at him, sitting as still as he'd seen her countless times. It was such a dull little thing and he fought to find significance. The only defining feature he found were a few dark stripes on the abdomen.

To her though, it must be so much more. She was eager to join him in the ogling. She leaned in close. So close, her hair brushing his cheek as she did.

He felt his skin shiver at the light touch and the scent of mango filled his nose. His chest was thundering now.

He could see each freckle on her nose as her lungs were taking in his exhales. Did she have any idea what she was doing? How close she was?

But his breath stopped entirely when her eyes shifted to him. The glass in his hand was forgotten as he stared through the glass on her face, entranced by the rich brown that lived there.

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move.

Every effort to stay pale was fruitless but if she noticed the color shift, she showed no signs of it.

She was searching him for any signs of distaste, perhaps even awaiting approval. It was such a vulnerable plea for acceptance, it made him sure he was the first to be given a glimpse into her glass.

He felt another petal open.

"Do you like him?" She asked, turning her eyes back to the spider and his eyes followed.

She had to be able to hear his pulse. It was deafening.

He tried his best to focus on the spider, to calm himself from the storm he felt inside.

He leaned in closer and squinted at the tiny legs. Watching the little bug, he had to wonder what it was that brought so much joy to her eyes. She was marveling at it like a rare jewel and it simply sat, too small to even properly examine.

She gently took the jar back and gazed into it sweetly, "They make really cool webs." She whispered "They're essentially a tunnel. Like a um...a hut" Her tiny smile caused another swell in his chest "I've always wanted to watch them build one. Wouldn't that be lovely?"

Finally, he was beginning to understand. He would envision the skill it would take for the little thing to create a nest out of nothing "It would" He admitted "But you haven't yet?"

She sighed "No...it's a um...right place, right time sort of thing. But they are my favorite. Labyrinth spiders, I mean"

"Do you catch a lot of them?" He asked softly

She hummed, shaking her head "No. There's not a lot of them here. I catch a lot of cellar spiders though. They're everywhere."

He stared into the jar again, watching the tiny feet tiptoe up the glass "And you keep them all?"

She shook her head quickly "No, no. I just um...well I draw them and then I take them back home."

Home? As if spiders knew the meaning of the word. He stifled a chuckle "And have you drawn that one yet?"

Her smile grew a bit and she curled up again but this time out of shyness "Well um...I wasn't going to draw him, actually." She admitted "I just wanted to say hi."

Precious. Too precious.

The moment was so delicate, balancing on his fingertips and he was sure his hands were trembling too much to grasp it.

She had no idea who she was sitting next to. No idea of his tendency to shatter fragile things. It was only a matter of time before this would be in shards on the ground, intermixed with the fragments of Lily.

His stomach did a sudden flip that had him hastening for a mint.

His trembling fingers caused a crinkle that pulled her eyes from the jar down to the plastic wrapping.

She watched as his fingers fumbled and the passion in her eyes slowly melted, replaced with a silent compassion.

He could see her thoughts racing, as she took in his face. There was no hiding the misery in his eyes.

He expected a question or a motivational comment but she offered neither. Instead, she gingerly set the jar onto the grass and let the silence rest between them as she watched the trees swaying in the wind.

With her eyes averted and the only noise being the rustle of branches, he felt influenced to join her.

He placed the mint on his tongue, feeling the chill down his throat as he watched the trees dance.

The fluid motions liquified his thoughts and slowly reset his mind.

He had to wonder if this was her intention; if she somehow knew that this would ground him.

When she turned to look at him again, she let out a breath and offered a hesitant smile that relieved the rest of his tension.

She looked so tranquil, picking at the grass and lying each blade on her lap in a neat line. He cradled the mint with his tongue as he watched her.

Her sudden voice broke the silence "Are you going to Hogsmeade?"

That caught him off guard. He had to take a few breaths before responding. He shook his head at the thought of those congested streets "No."

She shifted a bit on the grass, staring at her lap "Oh." Was that disappointment in her voice?

He couldn't imagine that she would want to go but her eyes were saying the opposite. Did she want to go...together?

"Are you going?"

She shook her head quickly, brushing the grass off her lap "No."

"But you want to?" He pushed

She shrugged dismissively "No."

Her lie was obvious but he couldn't fathom why she was acting so ashamed. Like she'd been caught swiping a galleon.

He leaned in and fought to find an answer in her eyes "Yes, you do" He said bluntly.

She shook her head firmly, burying her face in her knees with a small muffled whimper that twinged his chest.

Damn it. She was back in her shell.

After seeing her so bright just moments ago, it felt darker with her in a heap like this. So much progress was crumpling and it was resting in the cage she was creating around herself.

He'd never felt so shut out before and it ached in a new way he didn't know how to process.

He stared at her for a long moment, watching the slight tremble of her curls. There had to be a good way to approach this, he just had to find it.

He'd unlocked her cage before but, in truth, he had no idea what the key was. His mind raced as he thought back to the dungeon corridor and the library.

In the silence, he heard the shuffling of branches yet again and felt his face thaw as it all fell into place.

Quiet. She wanted quiet.

Unsure of the validity of this realization, he held his breath. He returned his eyes to the leaves rocking on the branches and allowed the moment to just be.

There was no telling how much time passed but he gradually felt her trembling lessen and eventually, she lifted her head.

With their gazes connected, he eased his voice the best he could, desperate not to spook her. "Hey."

The blend of fatigue and sorrow he saw in her eyes made him thankful for the mint in his mouth. "You alright?"

She gave a very small nod, finally letting her shoulders relax.

He felt his fall as well. It might be pushing it, but he tried once again "Do you want to go?"

She took a big breath, lowering her gaze. She nibbled at her lip, peeling at the skin as she gave the smallest nod.

That was progress.

"Then why don't you?" He pulled.

She groaned and her entire body went limp, sprawling out on the grass.

Between being caged up and utterly listless, he couldn't decide which state he found more painful to witness.

Her lower lip trembled and her brow was scrunched in her agony. Seeing her so void of spirit made him feel just as empty.

He couldn't look at that. It was too familiar.

He was certain that, to a fly on the wall, he looked similar on summer nights in his decaying home.

She let out a shuddered breath and turned away from him, her arms vining around her. Even with the limited view of her face, he saw her eyes fill with tears.

His chest burned with acid and she didn't need to answer his question, it was clear as day.

They all ruined it for her.

Something had happened in Hogsmeade and whatever they'd done to her had left her completely crushed and he couldn't comprehend the senseless cruelty.

Those disgusting bastards. What had she ever done to any of them? He couldn't let them take this from her. If she wanted a day in Hogsmeade, he would make damn sure she got it.

"I'll go with you." He declared.

Her eyes opened. But she didn't look at him, she just stared straight up at the clouds "What?"

"I'll go with you." He repeated just as firmly and her eyes moved over to him.

She was impossibly still then, processing his words. It took a moment before she shook her head "You don't have to." She murmured.

"I want to." He insisted.

She hesitated, staring at him "But you said you didn't."

"No. I said I wasn't planning to." He corrected, crossing his arms "I've changed my mind."

Her face scrunched in various ways as she thought that over. She scoffed and rubbed her hands over her face. He was sure it smudged every ounce of her makeup.

"Are you...are you offering...because you...want to...or...?"

Why must she make this so complicated? He huffed "We're going." He stated, leaving no room for discussion.

She sat up a bit, studying his face "But you...you had other plans..."

Ignoring the protest, he stood, extending a hand toward her "We're going."

Chapter Text

Saturday June 14, 1975 9:12am

Noa just stared at the hand, stunned that it was being offered to her.

He wanted to go with her. He wanted to spend time with her and he’d even said it. Out loud.

She felt her eyes burn with the tears of her gratitude as her hand made a slow, hesitant journey to his.

His slender fingers were marked with small knicks and calluses that she was sure would be rough but they felt silky and the touch felt like the hug of Christmas; chilled but somehow still warm with the joy and excitement it brought.

This must be how hot-air balloons felt as they drifted into the sky. It took little effort to stand and she felt a spark run through her when his hand cupped her elbow to help her find her footing.

Oh, geez. Breathe, Noa. Breathe.

He’s just being nice, he’s being a friend. This is what friends do.

But how could she not fancy him? With his hands keeping her steady and those eyes peering down at her like that…

Breathe. Stop it. He’ll think you’re strange.

But that was too late. He was looking at her like he was trying to find a hidden clue in her eyes. Why did everyone always look at her like that?

Somehow, his eyes became even firmer and as he leaned in, she felt her eyes grow with every inch he drew towards her.

“Now,” He asserted, his voice low and instructive “No more tears.”

Her lungs malfunctioned, completely still along with the rest of her.

She was far from tears by that point. She was just astonished and her heart was running wild.

She wanted to go so badly. But conveying that was another hurdle entirely.

She could see the inquiry in his eyes and she begged her mouth to open but it stayed clamped shut as if there was a pearl that it was guarding.

Must this always happen at the worst of times?

She couldn’t let him think she was still upset or didn’t want to go, she had to say something without her words.

She huffed, racking her brain. If her mouth was unavailable, she could possibly use her eyes.

That seemed promising and she forced all of her energy into her gaze, hoping it held the same courage and certainty that would mirror his. But when she gave a firm nod, the new puzzlement that grew on him made her mortified.

You idiot. This is why everyone thinks you’re weird, Noa. Just be a person.

He scanned her face several times, his brow furrowing further the longer he looked at her “You alright?” He whispered.

This was torture. She couldn’t tell at all what he was thinking as he looked at her like a mess of thread he needed to detangle.

She backtracked, softening her eyes and nodding again, more sheepishly.

Now fear was sprinkled in his eyes and her stomach knotted.

“Are you sure?” He murmured.

Jesus Christ. Talk, Noa. You’re ruining everything. You were doing so good.

She dug her thumbnail into her knuckle and braced herself for him to yell or maybe to flee.

But as she stared down at her shoes, she heard him stammer.

“We…don’t need to go.” he whispered.

That was worse. She was so close. So close to Hogsmeade and it was slipping away all because her tongue was insolent.

She swept tears from her eyes but that didn’t stop new ones from cascading out of her.

“We’ll stay.” He offered, more urgently and she shook her head firmly, willing her throat to make sounds that refused to leave her.

In a desperate plea, she tapped a finger on her lips, trying to find any sign that he understood the gesture.

He just stared at her, stammering further “I…you have to tell me…”

That was a stab in her gut. She huffed and gave another tap, harder this time and shook her head.

Please understand.

He scoured her face for clues she couldn’t offer and she felt her hope dwindling. It felt like an eternity before he finally spoke.

“You…can’t talk?” He asked softly and she felt the knot in her stomach unravel, allowing her tension to leave her.

She nodded, as her shoulders fell along with the tears that rested in her ducts.

They both searched each other’s eyes for different cues as the birds chirped overhead. She waited for his assessment and prepared for his departure.

But she’d never heard him sound so gentle when he finally spoke “What…what do you…want…?”

Oh, he was an angel. How could he be this patient? She felt a wave of warmth and with it, a spark of courage. She took a breath and led his eyes to the Entrance Hall with her finger.

His disbelief was heavy. “You still want to go?” He asked and she nodded so hard she thought her neck might snap.

She could see the decision being made in his eyes as he looked between her and the Hall.

After a long contemplation, he nodded slowly.

“Come on then”

Heat spread through her at that and she let her feet start the voyage to Hogsmeade, at last.

Getting closer to the crowd, the noise shoved her toward him and by the time they were at the outskirts, she was nesting against him like a baby bird.

They looked at each other at the exact same moment and the firmness was back in his eyes.

“Stay close, alright?” He instructed and she nodded, having every intention of doing so.

He gave the crowd another glance before giving her a small gesture for her to follow him.

As he weaved through the crowd, there were such small cracks for them to slip through but his slender frame flowed with ease like a snake slithering between rocks.

She fumbled through the gaps, feeling suffocated and knocking people, earning distasteful looks.

By the time they reached the outside, she was panting and red in the face. He pulled her off to the side and his strings of hair were being tossed by the wind, creating a tattered black veil he had to swipe away.

“You still want to go?” He asked, watching her shoulders rise and fall in her strained respiration.

There was no way she was turning back now. She nodded yet again and his eyes softened further.

He stood up taller “You’ll be alright” he assured her and glanced around once again to scope the area “I’ll take you somewhere quiet.”

As they trekked, she stayed practically tucked under him, never straying more than a few inches away and their robes flowed in a swirl of yellow and green behind them.

He didn’t seem to mind her being so close, his eyes were straight ahead and as determined as they always were, holding a confidence she could only dream of having.

But his tone wasn’t nearly as certain as his demeanor “Has this…happened before?”

The question was so sudden, she had to clear her mind before understanding what he was asking.

She gestured to her lips for clarification and he nodded.

“Yeah. Does it happen often?”

She sighed. How could she even answer that? There wasn’t a pattern to it, it just happened when it did and it lasted as long as it wanted to. But there was no explaining that in her current condition. So she offered an uncertain shrug.

His sigh was heavy and they continued down the path, both of them hauling the weight of her useless tongue.

She fought to check his face for irritation but couldn’t see through his curtains of hair.

At the edge of the village, they blinked at each other for a moment but she could see the fortitude in his expression as he towered over her.

He was completely oblivious to how striking he looked at that moment. Every line of his face was angular yet with a softness to his cheeks that resembled freshly fallen snow.

She hardly heard his voice as she admired him.

“Ready?”

She snapped from her trance and was beet red as she nodded but he didn’t seem to notice her ogling.

He gently guided her, navigating the streets and she hoped his courage would rub off on her in the proximity.

She couldn’t believe she was in Hogsmeade for the first time since third year. It was exactly as she’d remembered it; bustling and lively with every corner having mischief and delight. The chatter made her shrink in on herself but the promise of Honeydukes made her ready to conquer what she needed to to get there.

She had no idea where he was leading her but his path was deliberate. Soon, they passed the threshold of a small tucked away shop and when the door closed, she felt her anxieties trapped on the other side of it.

She swallowed, taking in the new environment. It was nearly empty and there were aisles of quills all resting proudly on their stands. A few were dipping themselves in the ink and writing on parchments to display their quality.

He didn’t bother to say a word. He strode down one of the aisles and grabbed a quill as it scribbled in midair along with the parchment that paired it, not stopping his pace as he did so.

She followed him to the back, watching him sit on the vintage sofa in a candlelit nook.

It smelt of old fabric and the reminisce of decades of customers but she sat beside him, trying to understand the look in his eye as he placed the quill into her palm.

“Here.” He whispered and placed the parchment on the coffee table in front of her “Talk to me.”

Chapter Text

Saturday June 14, 1975 9:39am

Severus waited anxiously as she slowly inched the paper closer. They were lost at sea and she was scribing the map to shore. 

He held his breath watching her write in unsteady letters. 

“My mouth is off.” 

He sighed, still exactly where he started and his tension grew. “What do you mean?” He coaxed.

Her grip tightened and she wrote hastily “I can’t talk.”

“No, no, I know.” He blurted, fighting his urgency “I understand that. But…why?”

Her defeated shrug offered nothing and he had to fight a groan. How could she possibly have no explanation? Not even an inkling? 

The growing anxiety started a kindling inside him. “But it’s happened before?” He asked, desperately.

She nodded and that was at least something. But his mind still yearned for a clue. He scanned her face and his eyes lingered on the scar, debating the possible connection.

But her hand was writing again “Sometimes”

“Sometimes” He pressed “How often?”

She wavered, fiddling with the quill as she shrugged yet again and he huffed, “Well how do you turn it back on?”

Her blank stare was the coal that stoked the flame in him. “Well what do you usually do?” he snapped, watching the blaze ignite the air between them.

She cowered from the heat with a whimper that sliced him open. But the trembled scrawling of “I’m sorry” left him completely gutted.

He grimaced, shifting away to avoid his own flame “Stop that.” he hissed and watched her receive another burn.

Her eyes flooded and his grew instantly “No!” He fumbled, and grasped at the fire to stop its spread “No. I…I didn’t mean…” 

They both froze, staring into each other’s pained expressions as her tears quenched the flames.

He clawed at his hair, gritting his teeth to keep the remaining heat in his mouth. He swallowed it all, taking several gulps to get it all down.

Once his mouth felt cool enough, he murmured what he should have said on the first attempt “Don’t apologize.”

The words were cooler but didn’t ease either of them. They both trembled in the candlelight and he longed for the light to return to her eyes but watching the tears spill from them made his mind flash with the two emeralds that haunted him.

A second flower was wilting before him and it was his poison in the roots. 

He had to make this right.

Her nails were creating new scrapes on her fingers and he shed his armor, letting his voice hold the weight of his regret.

“Noa.” The name shook out of him and her head snapped up.

He was disarmed, offering a glimpse of his heart that only one other had seen. Her eyes flickered between his and he felt utterly nude displaying his core “I…I…I’m sorry.” He shivered.

Her eyes widened, taking in the sight before her and he desperately wanted to crawl back into his shell.

He inched his walls back up as he awaited her reaction, watching the woe dissolve from her gaze.

She took a heavy breath, staring down at her hand in decision before blooming her palm open extending it towards him, inviting his to join hers.

Unsure of the weight of this gesture and knowing he was undeserving of it, he accepted, letting her fingers softly caress his. 

In unison, they sank into the cushions of the sofa, feeling entirely drained as the remaining cinders hung in the air.

Her hand was clammy and twitching against his but he held it tight, not wanting to lose the comfort of her touch.

The jovial sounds of the streets came in through the windows and he wanted so badly to rot in his bed. Or anywhere away from the wreckage he’d created. 

“Do you want to go back?” He offered and felt a weight leave him as she nodded before he’d even finished.

They both needed the quiet of the castle and he’d be sure to get her there unscathed. 

He gave her hand a lingering squeeze and a small tug “Come on.” 

But she stared out the window, fear evident in her eyes and he rearmed himself, hardened into the rock she needed him to be.

“I’m with you.” He reminded her firmly, “No one will bother you. I won’t let them.”

Her eyes shined with gratitude and he felt pride reenter him. At least now, he was doing something right. 

She wiped her tears, giving a small nod he gave her hand another squeeze.

“Stay close”

He didn’t let go for a moment as they sifted through the mob. She was pressed against him, just as she’d been before but her sudden clutching of his forearm made him follow her eye. 

Not ten feet away, he locked eyes with Black and delivered a ghastly sneer in challenge as he shielded her, pulling her along with more haste.

Chapter Text

Sunday June 15, 1975 11:53am

Even after she was safe in her dorm, the guilt still rested in his chest. It lingered into the next morning as he wandered the corridors in pursuit of her. He had no idea where to look or if she wanted to be found but had to know that she was alright. That he hadn’t ruined everything.

He skipped breakfast and then lunch, searching each floor, every closet and empty classroom before finally venturing outside.

As soon as he spotted her by the lake, he knew he should’ve come there first. 

She was curled up at the water’s edge, sorting rocks into piles that must have taken hours to grow to their size.

He hesitated, certain he shouldn’t interrupt but then she spotted him and perked up like a dog who saw her human from the window. Her eyes pulled him closer and his feet finished the journey.

As he got closer, she shrank back up and tightened the grip on her stone. "Are you upset with me?" She blurted.

He’d never seen her speak so abruptly, it made him stagger, quickly dropping beside her to meet her eye “Of course not.” He affirmed softly “Why would you think that?”

She shifted on the grass and he barely heard her over the wind “I just…I know it’s annoying-”

He interjected as he shrunk in shame “Don’t. I…shouldn’t have snapped at you.” He murmured.

She pushed her feet in front of her, tapping her feet on the shallow shore. He watched her closely, not wanting her to stew in this. 

“I just wanted to understand.” He added, hoping it faded whatever pain she might be feeling “I still do.”

There was a pinch of anguish in her eyes but mostly gratitude. Her lips parted and closed several times before she finally croaked “I do too” 

Her burden was palpable and it hit him just how greatly this affected her. He meant to console her but she spoke again before he could find the words.

 “I just…I don’t know…how to get my mouth to do what I ask”

A pit sunk in him as her sentiment sounded all too familiar. Countless times, he’d begged his tongue to stop igniting flames.

“Me too” He breathed and that made them both let go of their tension. 

Once again, the trees offered a relief and she returned to her collection, feeling the texture of each one before deciding its fate. She tossed a few in the water, creating new ripples that she watched expand.

"It doesn’t feel like summer yet" she said suddenly.

Summer. It was only days away and he tried not to let the dread overtake him. But he had a feeling she felt similarly.

He swallowed, checking his suspicion “Are you excited for it?” 

“Um…yes.” She tossed another stone “But no.”

He couldn’t help himself,  he was so close to resolving the mysteries that gnawed at him “Which part is no?” He fished.

She brought a rock close to her face but he was sure that was a pretense  “I just…feel bad.”

“About what?” He pulled gently..

She placed the rock neatly on a pile but kept her fingertips resting on it “Not being home…to help my mum.” 

His heart sank thinking of his own mother. Knowing she nursed her wounds alone all school year made him sick enough. He couldn't imagine being absent all summer as well. 

He could only hope she didn’t help her mother with the same plight “And what about your father?” He asked, praying hers was nothing like his.

She shook her head quickly “He won’t be there either. He never is.”

He sagged in relief but was still on the edge of his seat  “Where does he go?”

Her lip curled and it felt completely awry to see bitterness in her eye  as she threw a stone. Hard. “I don’t know. And frankly, I don’t care.” 

She fell back on the grass, crossing her arms over her chest. The hardness of her expression told him, despite how badly he wanted to dig, this was a wound he shouldn’t meddle in. 

She twirled her hair, watching the clouds drift by as her face slowly dissolved.

 After a long stretch of silence, she finally broke it “What are your summers like?”

Such a dreadful question. But seeing her so open, he felt he should offer something.

He ran a finger over one of her rocks, “I help my mum too.” He whispered, knowing they meant different things when they proclaimed that.

She examined her hair between her fingers “That’s good. You’ll be home to help her.”

Her optimism was sweet but it was hard to see his summers as anything but misery “Yeah…”

She sat up again, meeting his eye “I bet she’s lovely.” She said warmly “And your dad?”

“Is a swine.” He sneered, wishing he could return every bruise tenfold.

His clear disdain made her drop the topic, rolling onto her stomach. 

He barely saw her face but she picked a few blades of grass. “Mine too.” She professed “But my uncle is more like my dad really.”

Thankful for this new glimpse of her, he rested on his elbow, getting a better look “You get on well with him?”

She finally smiled, resting her head “Yeah. I go to his house a lot.”

Her light was returning and he felt it unknot him “What’s he like?”

“Really nice,” She said firmly. “We like to bake together and he’s a muggle so he’s gonna teach me to drive a car. And his house has a television and all my aunt’s old stuff. All her books and photos and stuff. I love it there.”

The ache returned remembering the last time her aunt was mentioned. But she wasn’t nearly as hollow this time so it felt appropriate to ask.

“Did you know her well?”

Her fingers found her scar as her face sank “No.” She whispered “But I know she was an amazing lady. Everyone says so.”`

He shivered watching her trace the mark “That’s lovely.” he said, to comfort them both.

“She was.” She said, her admiration clear  “And a brilliant witch too. I have all her notes with her old spells.”

She seemed eager to tell him more and he was just as eager to listen. “Spells that she made?”

Her smile grew wide and she began digging in her bag “Yeah. Want me to show you?” 

Her grin was so pure, he couldn’t stop his own from growing. “Yeah, show me.”

She beamed and he expected her to retrieve a bundle of notes or a book but instead, she drew her wand.

She rolled onto her back again and looked up at him with a hopeful expression “Lay down” She instructed.

He hesitated, having no idea what to expect but he couldn’t deny her when she was so full of pent up delight.

He rested back on the grass, feeling it tickle his neck “Now what?” he asked but she shushed him softly, pointing her wand into the air.

A gold string pulled itself from the tip and she gently curved it into a spiral above them. Once she created a center, it formed itself into a shimmering bubble that drifted up, glinting beautifully in the sun. There was little time to cherish it before it burst, creating a rain of glitter that cascaded over them.

He sat in awe as it trickled, fostering a tingle that hugged him like a cup of tea on a winter’s night.

Stunned, he gazed over at her, watching the glitter coat her. Now, her smile wasn’t the only thing that shined. 

She looked ethereal; her freckled kissed with gold and her hair illuminated, revealing the crimson undertone hidden in the strands.

“Isn’t that gorgeous?” She mused, mostly to herself.

“Yes…” He breathed, not referring at all to the spell.

She sat up a bit, looking a bit shy. “All her spells are pretty like that. I want to learn them all but I’m not ready for most of them.”

He sat up as well. “You will be. With time.” He said sincerely and her eyes sparkled.

“Thank you” She lilted “I’ll get better over the summer I think. It’s supposed to be a really good program. It’ll just be hard. A lot of work.”

She was so damn precious looking so proud. He was nesting in her cloud and in the comfort, he fought to keep her smile alive. 

“Hard work? Aren’t you badgers meant to love that?”

She turned a charming shade of red as her jaw dropped  “I…Hush.” She giggled “I do.”

With that reaction, how could he not push? “Oh? It sounded a bit like you were complaining.”

She was keen to play along and scoffed, feigning offense “No” she was redder by the moment “Never”

He raised a brow, “Never?”

Her mouth hung open as she scrambled for words “I…am…not on trial, actually.” She squirmed “and you…complain also.”

He shifted closer, full of cheek “Also? So you admit it?”

She was a tomato and merely scoffed in response.

He clicked his tongue “Careful, badger. You don’t want to disgrace your house.”

She huffed, leaning forward to splash water on his shoe.

He chuckled, “Is that meant to threaten me?”

 Her shove threw him off and he retaliated with a nudge that drew a proper laugh from her belly as she dropped onto the grass.

“So rude!” She chimed and he watched her greedily, letting the laughter swell his chest.

   He rested himself beside her, brimming with warmth “I seem to remember you shoving me first.” He retorted.

She froze for a moment and then curled up a bit, still just as red. “Well…sorry…”

He shook his head, not wanting this to end “No no…you’re not meant to apologize.”

She simply blinked and he was sure she needed permission. He nudged her again “Tell me to piss off.”

Her eyes grew “To piss off?”

“Yeah.” He urged, “Go on.” 

She sat up, checking him for sincerity “Are you sure? It won’t upset you?”

He scoffed, giving a look to show just how silly that was “I’ve endured much worse, trust me.”

She swayed, teetering on the decision before eventually turning away “No thank you” 

He sat back up “No thank you?”

She nodded, meeting his eyes. “I don’t want to say that to a friend.”

His face warmed. Friend. He was her friend and he was ready to don the title with pride.

“Alright.” He said and he saw the mischief return to her eyes.

“But I will get you back.” She asserted, poking his arm “So…watch your back…snake.”

Merlin, she was adorable. He could banter with her all day. He crossed his arms along with his legs “I’m utterly terrified” 

She sat taller, “You should be”

“Right” He teased, “We’ll see about that, badger.”

Chapter Text

Wednesday June 18, 1975 5:28pm

Noa rested against her favorite tree, daydreaming of one treasured friend while another dozed on her lap. Her quill scratched quietly as Pebble snoozed with a stomach full of treats.

“Hmmm.” She hummed, staring down at her page. “Now I remember why I don’t draw these. It really just looks like a normal wolf”

He lazily peeked and she held it up to let him have a look, “See? No fun.”

There was a hint of a smile in his eyes as he studied the photo.

She held the paper closer, thinking hard “What even is the difference between a wolf and a werewolf?” She pondered, “Maybe this is why my grades are so bad...”

He blinked up at her and then at the drawing

“Well maybe if I add more smoke…” she decided but a moment later changed her mind “No! Blood!”

That idea ignited her and she rummaged in her bag, finding her bottle of red ink.

She eagerly dipped her quill and tapped crimson on the parchment, creating drips and splatters on the coat.

“There!” She said, holding it up proudly for him to see “Now he just ate somebody!”

He sat up and gave the drawing a long look before looking back at her.

She chuckled, giving his head some scratches “It’s finally done. It just would’ve been more fun if werewolves weren’t so boring.”

His eyes were glistening with amusement and if dogs had the ability to laugh, he certainly would have. She giggled as well “Do people think you’re a wolf sometimes?”

He shifted closer to her, resting on her shoulder now and she scratched under his chin, cooing “I bet they do. Do you frighten people?”

His tail thudded and he gave a proud woof.

“Oh you do, don’t you? You’re scarier than any boring wolf, huh?”

He puffed his chest with a yip that was sharper this time, almost smug.

“Do you scare off all the bad people?” she asked, cupping his chin. “You’ll keep me safe?”

Fire ignited in his eyes and he sat taller, giving a strong, deliberate nod.

That made her chest warm. She pulled him closer, placing a kiss on his nose “Thanks, Peb. It’s nice to finally have a dog. Especially such a sweet one.”

Their eyes stayed locked and his ears twitched as he softened.

“You’ll keep me safe and I’ll take good care of you” she promised “For as long as you want me to.”

His eyes were feather soft then and after a brief hesitation, he rested his forehead against hers.

He let out a soft hum as she rubbed up and down his back, using her nails to give light scratches.

“Sweet boy.” She murmured “I’ll miss you.”

He gave her cheek a small lick and she tingled with affection “I’ll come see you again before I leave, alright?”

He nudged his nose on hers and she smiled sweetly “I’ll make time for you. I just have a tight schedule now with class and my two wonderful friends”

She expected him to light up but his tail stilled and his eyes were weary looking into hers.

She rubbed her palms under his muzzle “I’ll see you as much as I can before I go. I promise, alright?”

That didn’t soothe him the way she hoped it would.

She sighed, meeting his eyes more properly “I won’t forget you if that’s what you think” She let that sink in for a moment before adding more softly “I know it can be scary being apart. But I promise, once summer is done, I’ll be right back.”

His paws tapped on the grass, looking more restless by the moment.

“Pebble, I understand. I really do.” Her fingers combed through his fur “I worry about the same thing with Severus. But sometimes you just need to have faith and trust.”

His whimper was completely pained now, his eyes pleading.

“Oh, Peb,” She sighed, a bit defeated. She hadn’t realized how much he’d miss her or how much he cherished the affection she gave.

She’d just have to give more.

She shifted to lie down and opened her arms wide “Come here. Come get a cuddle.”

He whined, nuzzling her face in urgency.

“It’s alright” She said more firmly, patting the grass beside her “We both need a cuddle.”

He hesitated a few moments, whimpering softly before lying beside her, nestling himself in her robes.

“There we go,” She murmured, pressing a long kiss to his head “Just rest. We won’t think of summer right now.”

He was tense in her arms, his eyes deep in thought as he stared up at the forest canopy.

“Close your eyes” She soothed “It’ll all be alright. And I’ll always be your friend.”

He huffed, shifting closer and she held him tight “I don’t abandon friends.” She comforted “You’ll just need to trust me, alright?”

She felt him sigh and he went limp, staring into her eyes.

She rubbed her thumb between his brows, humming a gentle melody into his ear. It took a long while but eventually, a low, drowsy groan escaped him and she felt her heart grow warmer.

Burying her face in his fur, she listened to the song of the forest while she created her own. With the sun on her skin and his fur on her cheek, she felt her eyes drifting.

“Peb,” She murmured and his eyes softly opened “Don’t let me fall asleep.”

She felt him shift closer, giving her cheek another lick and he nodded.

Chapter Text

Tuesday August 12, 1975 8:27pm

Severus felt his eyes burning from overuse but if he was forced to fester in his bedroom, he wouldn’t lose a moment of productivity while he was there.

 It felt like an eternity since he’d parted from Noa at the train station, watching her link arms with an equally mousy woman and support her weight as they disappeared into the crowd.

Watching the woman’s feet stumble and drag across the linoleum, he understood instantly what kind of help she gave her mother. He digested another mint on the car ride home, picturing the nights she’d clear empty bottles and turn her mum’s head to ensure she kept breathing into the next morning.

There was little he could offer her from his shabby dwelling at Spinner’s End but he could only hope she wasn’t torturing herself for being away. Her letters were optimistic but knowing her, that said very little about her true feelings.

Regardless, her summer had to be going better than his. Surrounded by grime and the thick smell of mildew, he fought constant headaches that only grew with the constant shouting.

He rubbed his eyes until he saw stars and stared down at his jumbled notes.

With each day a repeat of the last, he was sure the final weeks of summer would feel like a year.

Desperate to escape the monotony, he grabbed his bag and jacket, but a light scratching on the window stopped his hand on the doorknob.

A brown, scruffy owl sat on the windowsill and his chest warmed instantly. Quickly untying the letter, he heard the feathers ruffle away as he traced a finger over the S of his name and the inky fingerprints littering the envelope.

With a soft smile, he tucked it into his bag and continued on his journey. 

He kicked a few roaches passing through the living room and poked his head into the kitchen. As expected, his mother was right where she’d been that morning.

The dining table hadn’t had a plate for years; only the petals she took one by one and pressed between the pages of tattered old books.

“Come back at dusk.” She said softly. 

He nodded and took another step for the door before hesitating “Want me to bring anything back?”

She finally looked up and stretched her back which had surely been hunched for hours. Sighing, she shook her head. “Save your money.”

The door creaked as he left and it refused to close without a slam. 

His strides were long and aimless as he passed boarded windows and the rubbish in the gutters. The smog thickened as he went and he had to stop his feet from taking the familiar route to Lily’s doorstep, knowing he was no longer welcome.

Lost in thought, he only halted when he heard a small mew. Blinking up at him was a small grey kitten and it inched towards him, eager to follow his path. 

He beckoned it but as it moseyed out of the alleyway, he grumbled. Not wanting to linger, he scooped it up and tucked it into his jacket to continue at his own pace.

Heading into the trees, the smog cleared but the rotten smell of sewage replaced it. He settled under a tree, paying no mind to the purrs and nudges the kitten gave his face.

His eyes were on the letter he’d pulled from his bag, taking another moment to study the envelope. 

Such an anxious little thing she was, writing his address in such detail as if her owl hadn’t learned the path by now. 

Sliding a finger under the fold, he tore it open and found a collection of doodles along with a hasty note:

Severus,

It’s me again. Hi. Sorry for writing twice in one day I just have big news! Miss Maybelle says I’m ready to start proper wandless charms! I just wish I had more time here. But I do miss you. I’ll write again tomorrow.

Noa

He read it over once, twice and a third time. But on the fourth, he only scanned over four words. 

I do miss you. 

It felt just as good the tenth time she’d written it. He couldn’t help his grin as tucked it in with all the others and fetched his pocket knife.

A little paw tapped his chin as he began gathering sticks, trying to envision new shapes for each of them.

He gave the little paw a gossamer kiss and  thoughtfully, he got to work. As time stretched, his lap became covered in thin shreds of wood while the kitten rumbled against his chest.

The foul odors and blaring car alarms slowly faded with each careful carve. But when the sun drew closer to the horizon, he groaned and tossed it all into his bag. 

Back through the smog, he felt more congested as he grew closer to home. 

But he froze when he saw the rusty truck in the driveway. 

And the shattering of a glass sent the cat clawing up shoulder and fleeing for safety.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Through the door, his shoe scattered a broken vase and all the petals mixed in the fragments. 

“And where the hell have you been, boy?”

He looked straight past him, checking his mother’s dejected face for a bruise. He didn’t find one.

“Out.” He said flatly and gave the door a slam.

“Don’t get smart with me. You were with that redhead?”

He’d never felt rage build so quickly “What business is it of yours where I’ve been?” He sneered.

"I’m your bloody father.” He said through his teeth “And you’d do well to respect me if you want to keep up that freak shit.”

His hand twitched towards his wand and he took a step closer, his scowl heavy “Respect you? Why should I respect a pathetic little man with an inferiority complex?”

His father started across the room but he drew his wand, stopping him in his tracks.

With him pinned in place, Severus closed the gap himself “You think I won’t?” He nearly whispered, peering through his hair to meet his eye “I implore you. Test me.”

With equal disgust, they stayed locked in a fiery stare-off. It only broke when the man’s eyes flicked down to the wand and he gritted his teeth.

“Get your ass in your room.” He muttered.

“Gladly.” He glowered.

Chapter Text

Monday September 1, 1975 5:44pm

The train hummed beneath Noa as she watched eager feet scamper to the trolley. Her eyes were groggy from a nearly sleepless summer but that didn’t stop her tongue from tingling.

But watching the way they all gathered like geese nibbling tossed bread, she wondered how they could stand rubbing shoulders like that. Didn’t that feel ghastly?

She felt a nudge on her shoe “You want something?”

Oh, that was an impossible question. Of course she did but not at the cost of leaving the little nook.

Her eyes didn’t leave the cart but she gave a slight shake of her head “No…”

He shifted closer and she heard a smile in his voice, “Take a break from lying until you’ve mastered the skill.”

Her face heated and she finally met his eye, melting instantly as her butterflies had a field day.

She must’ve been cherry red then and she mumbled into her knees “It’s not a lie. It’s…a decision that I made…”

“A decision?” His eyes narrowed but she caught the glint of amusement in them “Against your own wishes?”

She hid in her hair, sinking down in her seat “Um…I-”

But she didn’t get a word in before he stood, digging into his pocket “Save your breath. You’ve been eyeing that thing since we boarded.” He counted his coins “Sugar Quill? Pumpkin Pastie?”

Her mouth hung open, watching his fingers pick at the few knuts and sickles he had. She stammered so long, his hands stilled and his brow raised.

“If you make me guess, I won’t entertain your grievances.”

She sat frozen staring past his thick lashes and into his dark eyes. It was amazing how they shined so beautifully even in the shadows of his hair. Eventually, they rolled.

“Alright.” He slid the compartment open “I’ll be back.” but she finally pulled from her trance.

“Um”

He stopped and his smirk grew, “Yes, badger?”

That nickname still made her flutter each time, especially now hearing it from his lips rather than seeing it on paper. Her breath failed her and words refused to form. Instead, she dug in her bag, pulling out her own money pouch.

He sighed “I can afford a sweet. But unfortunately, I haven’t yet mastered Legilimency.”

She swallowed and extended the pouch sheepishly, “Jelly slugs?”

The smirk formed into a smile as he took the pouch “And?”

She stilled, disbelieving his claim about mind reading “A…cauldron cake…please.”

He gave a small nod, slipping through the door “Sit tight. I won’t be long.”

The door slid shut and she fought to tame the tickles in her belly. As if they wouldn't return the moment he came back. Somehow he managed to keep her so calm while causing a rave in her tummy.

It was nice to have a moment of quiet after a summer of tedious work and nearly endless worry. At least now, she could rest easy knowing her mother was staying with a friend for the time being.

Her feet tapped on the seat as she waited, mindlessly thumbing through the books and notes he’d left on the seat. They were covered in the same elegant handwriting as every letter she'd cherished over the past months. Letters that kept her from unravelling in all the chaos. And now it felt strange to see words he’d written that weren't addressed to her.

He didn’t waste a bit of paper, even in his textbooks. Every margin was filled with annotations and every note was crisp and methodical.

He didn’t seem to miss a detail and he even made corrections to the text. This must be what it takes to be top of class and suddenly, she no longer wanted to be. But how did he manage to do it? To be so exceptional at everything? So brilliant and paired with being so fit…it should be illegal, really.

She flipped and flipped until she finally saw a parchment that wasn’t full to the brim. She slid it closer and skimmed it but quickly realized it wasn’t notes. It was a fraction of an unsent letter.

She bit her lip hard and looked away. She knew she shouldn’t read it and everything inside her told her not to. But her eyes found it again, seeing the repeated use of the words ‘I’m sorry’. Curiosity was such a dreadful thing.

Maybe just a tiny peek…just to see who it’s meant for…

No no, that’s awful, Noa.

So awful, stop looking….

But she didn’t. Her hand was already trembling in guilt as she flipped it over, finding the name at the top.

Lily?

Who is Lily? …Lily Evans?

But any further investigation stopped when she heard familiar voices.

“Who knew ol’ Snivelly could afford the trolley.”

Her heart sped instantly hearing Potter’s voice and the barks of laughter made her feel suddenly sick.

Trembling, she lifted the curtain, peeking into the corridor. She could just barely see, they were so far down, but James was never quiet. She was sure the whole cart heard him.

“They don’t sell shampoo here, you’ll have to try the Gleaming Goblin.”

Peter’s cackling made a chill run through her. How four boys could be so terrible, she would never understand. They could never just leave anyone alone, could they?

She couldn’t hear a word Severus said but she could tell he was speaking in a low hiss, his teeth bared.

They showed no signs of being intimidated. Sirius scoffed “No, we just have eyes. And we don’t need to see some oily little bat out of his cave.”

Even from here she could see that Severus was itching for his wand and whatever he said made Black take a step toward him, using his extra inch of height to his advantage “Do everyone a favor and go back to whatever sewer you were born in, yeah?”

She was sure a wand was about to be drawn and this was all her fault. He should be in here with her, not over by the trolley in the first place. She couldn’t just sit here. Friends help each other. Friends…intervene. Right?

Yeah, he would for her. He had already. And she could be brave too.

She felt her heart in her throat as she slid the compartment open and stuck her shivering head out. But any courage she’d mustered left her instantly when she saw Black’s eyes shift in her direction.

No no no no no

Panicked and clumsy, she fought to get the door shut, pulling at it with her sweaty hands only for them to slide off the handle.

Oh, God no no. Please don’t come over here. Please, please, please, please.

It finally shut and she panted, wrapping her arms tight around her legs. Everything sounded so far away but she made out a woman’s voice.

“Now, that’s quite enough. All of you, back to your seats.”

Needing comfort, she pulled her blanket over herself, creating a cocoon and she just barely got it tucked when she heard the compartment door open.

“Those vile, repulsive maggots.” He spat and the door closed with a sharp slap.

She didn’t look up. She was petrified and her eyes were locked on her brown Mary Janes.

He was fuming, pacing in the confined space with his fists clenched “Prancing about like peacocks.”

She watched her shoes rattle as his feet slowly stopped their motion. “Sickening bastards.”

She wasn’t listening. Not at all. She may as well have been another piece of luggage.

There was a moment of stillness before she looked up again, watching the rage slip off him as he took in her current state.

She could see him compacting the ire and forcing it out his nose. Soon his jaw loosened.

With a sigh, he cleared the seat beside her and sat down “Pay them no mind.” He muttered “They’re subhuman.”

That word was harsh but she couldn’t exactly disagree with the sentiment. Taking pleasure in throwing insults and creating monikers, what else would you call someone like that?

Evil is the word. Truly evil.

She swallowed, feeling her throat lump and she knew speech was far from her grasp. In the silence, he strained to see her eyes. “Badger?”

Her blanket continued to tremble as she stared down at her shoes. She felt as pale as him if that was possible.

His voice was a whisper now “Noa?”

She jolted, meeting his eyes. Hearing her name always felt so foreign when she wasn’t at home.

He noticed the jump and rushed to comfort her “It’s alright. They’re not coming over here.”

She felt the tears fall before she felt them build. She could only hope that was the truth. She couldn’t bear to have another piece of art destroyed.

She looked up at him and seeing the slight panic in his eyes somehow eased hers. She shifted closer slightly and he startled a moment before hesitantly doing the same. His hand reached but retracted quickly. “You alright?”

There wasn’t a proper answer to that. But a yes seemed to be the socially acceptable one so she nodded.

His eyes tracked a tear as it rolled and he winced “Badger…”

She whimpered and his eyes grew. “Hey…hey…” He squirmed and reached again, his hand in mid air now “Is…is your…can you…” He stopped himself and his hand balled up. She could see the mental lashing he gave himself before he took a heavy breath and began again “Is your mouth off?”

Something about the question opened the floodgates. She fought to hold it in but the trembles became quakes and she sobbed into her knees, digging her nails into them.

“No no no hey hey” He soothed, his arms making an uncertain circle around her, just barely grazing her shoulders “Hey I-…it’s alright.”

She could feel his warmth and gravitated towards it, feeling so cold after months of uncertainty. In his security, she let herself collapse, feeling him stiffen with a gasp.

Embarrassed, she pulled away again but he stopped her, pulling her back.

“Don’t go. It’s alright” He whispered as his tension faded “Stay.”

Her whimpers and tears absorbed into his robes as she clung to him and felt the weight of her burdens wash over her. His hand rested on her curls and she felt his thumb graze over the dry, frizzy texture.

“Breathe” He murmured “Don’t hold your breath.”

Shuddering, she nested in his arms, creating a puddle in the fabric she felt she might drown in. His murmured comforts turned to simple shushes as he kept her tucked against him.

Tear after tear, she felt more exhausted, letting her eyes drift closed. In the safety of his arms, she felt her body calm as she slowly drifted to sleep.

Chapter Text

Tuesday September 2, 1975 10:10am

She could still feel his arms around her even into the next day. The warmth lingered but so did her embarrassment. She’d never meant to fall asleep, especially on him and his arm must’ve been pins and needles by the time they arrived at the castle. But her endless apologies were only met with dismissive swipes of his hand and various shushes.

With her verbal apologies being fruitless, she was determined to find another solution. But every idea she had seemed so underwhelming, especially to convey both gratitude and regret.

Tapping her nails on the cauldron in front of her, she only vaguely registered the lecture. She was more convinced by the second that she should’ve dropped this class as she originally planned to but Severus was just too convincing and in truth, he did bring up some good points. Potions were vital to healers and if she wanted to build a career as one, brewing for herself would save money.

But that didn’t stop her from being completely lost and flustered, even on the first day of class.

“Now,” Slughorn continued “I believe you’re all more than ready to whip up some Regerminating Potion. Take out your books and open up to page 56. And don’t forget to add your salt. Go on.”

More than ready? Perhaps everyone else was.

She stared into the cauldron, waiting for it to bubble as she heard many voices stack over each other.

But a voice from behind her was above the others and somehow still hushed “Oi”

Her heart sped up a bit. That’s Black’s voice. But who could he even be talking to? He was already with his little gang.

“Oi” Louder this time. He really wanted someone’s attention…maybe one of the girls in the front.

“Oi, Fine.”

Ice filled her veins. He really wanted her attention.

What? Why?

This…this isn’t how this goes. He’s meant to bother her in the corridors or in the library. Not in class.

Never in class.

Shrinking into her seat she tried to find a possible explanation while keeping her heart from escaping her chest.

Just breathe. Just ignore him. He’ll get bored.

“Oi”

She squeezed her fists tight and closed her eyes, bracing herself.

And then there was quiet and she was sure he’d given up…until…

“...Noa”

Her eyes grew to saucers. Noa? She didn’t even know which part of this was more shocking; the use of her name or the plea in his voice when he’d said it.

What the hell was this? Why is he still going? This is just…this isn’t how this is supposed to go. There’s a routine. A script. Why isn’t he following it?

And then he was beside her.

“Hey”

She gasped, watching him slide into the chair and rest his elbows on the table.

Oh God what do I do? Run? Cry?

But he put his hands up, declaring innocence “I come peacefully. I swear.”

She stared down at her own hands, watching blood pool under her nails.

He tripped over his words, setting his hands on the table “I…I’m not…” He paused and she heard his chair squeak as he squirmed “you shouldn’t do that…”

That didn’t stop her hands and he seemed to contemplate making another comment on it before leaning back in his chair. He gave his friends a glance before starting over.

“I know you don’t want me to talk to you and I won’t be bothering you long. I just…wanted to apologize…to you.”

She froze. What…the...hell…

“Just give me just one minute…please.”

This is…this is certainly off script. What even is this?

He squirmed in his chair “I just…I wanted to tell you that…we won’t bother you anymore.”

We? As in all of them? That’s far-fetched. And why send him over? Why not Lupin? He’d apologized before.

“We just…” He stopped again and retracted “I should’ve never done all that. I never meant for it to get so…bad. And the whole spider girl thing…” He took a long moment, shaking his head at himself “That was dumb and I should’ve never called you that.”

Dumb? Suddenly now it’s dumb when he was the one to start it in the first place?

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed “It just…it got out of hand and I feel bad. And I just hope you can forgive me.”

Forgive? Is she meant to believe this sudden change of heart after what happened just yesterday?

He wrestled words for a moment and gave the others another glance before making his voice more firm. “And…I wanted to talk to you about…something else.”

Something else? What else could there possibly be?

His chair squeaked again “You shouldn’t-” He stopped himself, drumming his hand on the table before he started again, more directly “You’re a nice girl, alright? And I just…I think you should be careful who you’re hanging around with.”

Huh??? Nice girl? Since when? This morning?

He shifted even closer now and she pulled away the same amount “It’s just…if you need friends there’s so many girls here you could talk to. I can help you.”

Oh, this was a prank. It had to be. But what kind? Maybe it was a gaining of trust so they could…

Well, to do something, certainly.

“I can send some people your way.” He urged “Some better people.”

Better people?

Wait…this isn’t a prank planned for her. This is about Severus.

Suddenly, her blood wasn’t cold anymore. It was bubbling at the same rate as her cauldron.

What, he saw them together and now he thinks he can use her as some sort of pawn? Absolutely not. How could he think she’s that stupid?

She crossed her arms, staring firmly in the other direction.

She heard his hands drumming again “You just don’t want to get mixed up with the wrong people.” There was a moment of pause before he continued “Not everyone is nice. Some people have bad intentions.”

Like she needs that explained to her? Oh, she was fuming now. If anyone had bad intentions, it was him.

He was closer now, trying hard to meet her eye “A lot of people would want to be your friend. I know some nice girls and I’ll introduce you.”

Oh, hell no you won’t.

“No thank you.” She said firmly.

He scoffed and stammered, clearly thrown off. She was sure he’d never even heard her voice before, let alone in this tone.

“I…I’m not trying to upset you.” He professed “I’m trying to help you.”

Oh, that’s rich. What part of ‘no’ does he not understand?

He seemed almost frustrated now and was finding another route. He leaned his chair back, teetering on it for a moment before letting the legs fall. “Look, I know you have no reason to listen to me but I can’t just watch a nice girl go down a bad path.”

Boiling over, she heard her teeth grinding. How far would he go for some stupid prank? What an absolute prick.

He was begging at this point “Noa, listen. You don’t need to hang around with Snape. I know you're lonely but you don't need to stick around him.”

Is this really how far he’ll go to make people suffer? To get her to ditch her friend? And just how gullible does he think she is to believe some boy who’s harassed her for three years?

She huffed, shifting her entire body away from him now.

“Listen.” He pleaded “I don’t know what he’s told you but he’s not a good guy. Do you think I’d come talk to you if I wasn’t worried?”

Yes, actually.

He waited for a response but when he received none, he groaned “Noa, please. Do you know the people he hangs around with? The kind of magic he does?”

She’s not some child who needs a lesson on her friend. Just leave.

He threw his head back in frustration and gave his friends another glance. He set his hands firmly on the table and he became more urgent “Noa, you have to listen to me. Please. He’s dangerous. He does dark magic. Really dark stuff. He’s practically a Death Eater.”

Oh, come on. Is he just going to sit here all day and make things up?

“Do you know the kinds of things he says?”

He waited again but she simply huffed, gritting her teeth.

He let out a heavy sigh and shoved his hands into his elbows. “Alright fine, if you don’t want to hear it from me then ask him.” He waited again and then huffed, lowering his voice but it became more assertive “Ask him about his magic and ask him what he called Evans. I don’t know anyone who’s any good who uses that little M word.”

What? Such a liar. No, he doesn’t. He wouldn’t. Why would he call Evans-

…Evans…

Lily…Evans.

Lily Evans…

Chapter Text

Tuesday September 2, 1975 12:17pm

Watching the door, Severus spun his fork in his fingertips. The Hall was nearly full now and Noa was nowhere to be seen. He’d grown to expect her bright smile and the slight flush on her cheeks as she came rushing in, always so eager. So what could possibly be keeping her?

Perhaps she was on a spider hunt or she went to grab something from her dorm but as the time stretched, that became less likely. His mind created scenarios, each more dire than the last and by the time lunch was midway through, he was bombarded with the image of her lying unconscious in the hospital wing.

Unable to leave that stone unturned, he abandoned his lunch, nearly sprinting the whole way there. Only to be met with her absence.

That was relieving but even more perplexing.

Not at lunch, not ill, not injured…

Or perhaps…not physically injured…

With a new ache in his hammering chest, he found himself opening the same oak door he’d passed through not long ago.

It was just as stuffy with the same dusty broomsticks and vials on the shelves. And there in the corner sat the same shivering figure.

“Badger”

He was at her side instantly, reaching a hand for her shoulder that she shied away from, staring down at the cobblestone floor.

“I…are you alright?” He asked, struggling to see her eyes in the dark. He expected tears or panic but there was only emptiness, as if he’d never watched her bloom.

His throat lumped and he nearly reached again but refrained “I…what happened?” He choked.

But there was no change in her, not even a blink.

He could feel his blood pressure rising. He searched desperately for signs of damage on her face and hands but only found scrapes and scratches that were plainly done by her.

All his breath left him “Oh, Badger…” He reached a trembling hand to soothe the bleeding skin but she tucked her hands away, under her robes.

“I…” His voice caught and he began again “Noa, what’s happened?”

His anxiety rose as her lip trembled and there was one explanation that screamed at him, one that killed him to envision.

“Did…did someone hurt you?”

A whimper left her and he panicked, scraping his knees as he pushed closer “Who? Was it Potter? Black? What’d they do?”

Another whimper caused his rage to boil instantly, already reaching for his wand. “Which one? Potter?”

He nearly stood but a wave of sobs left her and all his rage vanished hearing the guttural noise that came with it.

“Noa” He croaked, feeling the tears drowning him.

“Come here.” he soothed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, ready to embrace her with all he had to offer.

But a rigid hand pressed the center of his chest. She may as well have stabbed him.

“I-I” He stammered, pushing himself away “I’m sorry I…I won’t. I won’t touch.” He quivered, tears rolling down his own cheeks “I…please…tell me what happened.”

Her whole body shook as she choked on her own agony. She pushed herself against the bricks as if to disappear. Or perhaps to keep him as far as possible.

“Was it…me?” He pieced together “Did I…did I upset you?”

That broke both of them. She was wailing, sounding akin to a beaten puppy and his entire body was in ice.

He spiraled as he thought back to that morning “Me?” It must have been but she had smiled so sweetly before classes, what could have happened between now and then?

“I..Noa” he had no control of his hyperventilation as the words poured from him “Me? It was me?”

She winced and shuddered and finally, she looked at him. Her cheeks were smeared in mascara and the blood from her fingers and she hiccuped, gasping for air.

“Breathe” He urged, trying to do the same as he stared into her swollen eyes.

With the new eye contact, he pleaded properly “Please. Please tell me. Was it me?”

Grimacing, her head fell against the wall, her misery evident. He watched her every move, trying to comprehend the guilt that had been placed on him.

In that moment in the dark, she extended a hand for his and a flicker of hope filled him.

“I’m here” he whispered and tried to entwine their fingers but she took control of his wrist, turning him palm up to tracing letters.

P-A-P-E-R

He dug in his bag instantly “Here” He said, handing her a voice “Talk to me. Tell me what happened.”

For a long moment, she simply rubbed the quill across her cheek, cradling her legs. Then, breathing deep and gathering her courage she pressed the quill to the paper:

Do you know about my dad?

His breath stilled and his head spun. Of all the things he expected, this was not one.

“I-yes…yes” His confirmation cut her and he rushed to rectify it “But that changes nothing. I still…you’re still the same to me, Noa.”

She shook her head hard, her hand lurching about the paper.

Is that why you like me?

He fell back against the shelf, too many thoughts culminating all at once “What? I…” He met her eyes again, struggling to clear his head “why on earth would you think that?”

She looked for something with their eyes locked and she seemed to find it. Finally, she relaxed but only fractionally. She rubbed at her eyes as she stared down at the paper creating a small doodle before writing in small letters.

You’re not like him?

“No.” He breathed, completely gutted “No I’m…I’m not”

She simply stared at him and his panic grew.

“I’m not.” He assured her again, hastily rolling up his sleeve “I’m not.”

She stared down at the sallow skin and aged scar that lived there, brushing a finger over it. She met his eyes again and they both let out a breath that took their tension. Her eyes unlocked again, making his stomach unravel as she shifted closer and he placed an uncertain hand on hers which she answered with a small squeeze.

And then she wrote again

You didn’t use that word?

Watching the ink form into those letters, his entire body went cold as a shiver locked every muscle.

She knew.

That was the cause of all of this. She knew.

Those two syllables had attached to him and branded him just the same as the mark she feared him to possess.

“I-”

There was nothing to say, nothing to deny. And as he sat in front of her, mouth agape, her eyes grew a new terror that left him catatonic.

"I...Noa-"

She huffed, shaking her head and her body hardened as she tore her hand from his. A broken sound left them both and without even looking at the paper, she scrawled.

Please go