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Darkness. Dark, dark, crowding his vision, and he can't breathe.
He whimpers, the sound dissipating into the pitch-black room.
Owen is more alone than he's ever been. Uendo, Patches, Kisegawa, they all have each other, but he has nobody. Not for the first time, and not for the last, Owen wishes he could talk to them. Shisho and Geiru had always been his companions during the brief moments he was awake. Now they're both gone.
Grief overwhelms him, just like the fear of the dark, and he starts crying.
Who will play with him now? Who will tell him about the other people in his body now? Who will pass messages onto him from Kisegawa, her stern yet gentle advice? Who will reenact stories from Patches, exploits of the cheery and silly jester? Who'll show him videos of Uendo, the level-headed man who looks just like him yet looks so different?
Who will remember him now?
The other three know he exists, in theory, but they've never met.
And they're insisting only now that Owen come out more often. Now that Owen has nobody.
It's from a place of care, he knows, but is it not cruel?
He just wishes they could talk.
He trembles as he grips the sleeves of his night-shirt, his knuckles strong than any child's should be. Owen has always felt a disconnect from their body to his mind. He wonders if the others do, as well. Kisegawa must.
He wishes he could talk to her and ask.
He wishes he could talk to anyone who understands. People have their condition, maybe, but how many of them could say they're always alone in their body despite knowing there are others just out of reach? When the others can all talk to each other at any time?
The world is so awful.
For once in his life, the need to do something overcomes his fear, and Owen stands. The futon and the traditional Japanese bedding feel clumsy to his feet, but he stumbles over himself and flicks on the light.
His eyes sting. He forces himself to stop crying and finds a notebook.
Wiping his eyes, Owen grabs the fancy pen. He's reminded of when Shisho taught him to write. Or, tried to. Shisho was sure Owen wouldn't be able to write, as only the other three had learned.
He could kind of write. Holding the pencil was awkward, and so was the act of writing, but the process of turning thoughts into letters on the page came naturally, as if he’d been doing it for years. Shisho was proud; so Owen was proud, too. He loved writing for Geiru, who tried to come up with explanations, but he didn't quite get them. He got the feeling she didn't either.
His handwriting is different from the others, but just in case, he signs his name underneath his writing. Messily, but naturally. Satisfied, he closes the notebook, placing the elastic bookmark on the page he wrote on.
The fear comes rushing back as his finger sits on the light switch, so he doesn't flick it. Silently, he apologizes to the others, and curls under the covers again, notebook cradled in his hands.
Owen peacefully drifts off, wondering when he'll wake up and see a response. He hopes there'll be a response.
Ever the early riser, Kisegawa panics when her eyes blink open and all she sees is bright light. Patches panics because she's panicking, and Uendo doesn’t quite panic, but he’s utterly confused, adding to the chaos in their mind.
Kisegawa raises their head and relaxes when she sees the window.
It’s still dark out, she says. But why would the light be on?
Did we get robbed?! Patches cries. Check it out, Kisegawa! Hurry!
I’m getting there, you fool. She scoffs and stands up. An object clatters to the floor. Picking it up, she inspects it carefully.
What? What’s a notebook doing on our bed? Uendo asks.
We were holding it, silly! Patches says. … But I don’t know why.
Ah, the bookmark was moved, Kisegawa observes, flipping it open to the page marked. The large, slightly wobbly letters at the bottom of the page quickly explain nearly everything that’s happened. Oh… Owen.
Owen fronted in the middle of the night?! Uendo gasps. Is— is he okay?
Well, we aren’t hurt, so… Patches hums. Can I read it? Please?
This is important, Patches, Kisegawa cuts him off. We don’t need to read it aloud, do we?
Maybe we don’t need to, but it would be fun! And isn’t it respecting Owen?
What? Patches, I’m not sure you’ve ever respected anyone properly in your life—
I’ll read it, Uendo says, taking control of their body and clearing his throat.
“To Uendo, Patches, and Kisegawa,
I know I’ve never met you, but I think I miss you. Maybe I’m just lonely because of Shisho and Geiru. I wish I could talk to you guys.
I’m thankful that you want me to come out more, but I have nobody to talk to or play with. It’s so lonely.
I hope that writing to you might make me less lonely. I hope you’ll respond.
And I’ll tell you about my time awake. I woke up in the middle of the night and I was very afraid. I was also so lonely and missing Shisho. I got the idea to write to you and got up and turned the light on. I was too afraid to turn it back off. Sorry.
Maybe you could tell me about your day, too? I hope I can read it soon.
Owen.”
The muscles in Uendo’s fingers tighten painfully. “Oh…”
That poor thing, Kisegawa mumbles. How long has he been feeling this way?
Probably a long time. Bucky’s trial was a while ago, Patches says.
How many times has he fronted? Uendo asks. I wish we could remember it… Or at least know without something obvious being different.
He’s probably just as confused as we are about it. Kisegawa sighs. May I have control? I’d like to make a call.
A call? Despite his bewilderment, Uendo hands control back to Kisegawa, and she grabs their phone from the side table. Who are you calling?
You’ll see.
Ring… Ring…
“Hello?”
“Kisegawa speaking. How are you, Athena?”
“Oh, Ms. Kisegawa! I’m fine. Just going to the mall to pick up Trucy’s birthday present— Ah! Don’t tell her, though!”
Kisegawa chuckles. “I wasn’t planning on it.”
“Good, good. But how are you? Uendo doing good? Patches not up to too much trouble?”
“Excuse me,” Patches buts in, “I never get in any serious trouble! It’s all jokes with me, hee hee!”
“I don’t know about that,” Kisegawa says. “You seem to get in a lot of mischief for being a jester.”
Patches laughs loudly. “That was a good one!”
Athena hems and haws, before gasping. “Oh, I kinda get it! Like a chief! The execution was a little off, though.”
“Yes, well, I’m not in much of a joking mood,” Kisegawa says, hands itching for their fan. “I called about a rather serious matter.”
“Really?! Tell me!”
“It’s… about Owen.”
“Owen?” Athena’s tone loses its jubilation quickly. “Is he okay?”
“We thought he was.” Uendo comes to the front again, sensing Kisegawa’s growing unease. “But… Well, it turns out that while the three of us were asleep last night, Owen fronted and had some kind of— I don’t want to say breakdown, necessarily, but he clearly wasn’t in a good place. He left us a letter talking about how lonely he is and how much he wishes he could talk to us.”
“Oh, no.” Her frown is heard clear as day in her voice. “Well, at least he’s trying to communicate with you. That’s a good sign.”
“I suppose. We’re just worried that his mind can’t take more of this.”
“That’s an understandable worry.” Athena sighs lightly. “I could try to talk to him, even though I don’t really have the answers to his questions.”
“I’m not sure anyone does.” Uendo rubs his fingers back and forth. Truthfully, he doesn’t think there’s a way to make direct contact with Owen without trying to reintegrate him, which isn’t something any of them want to do. “But we’d like you to talk to him, yes. It would be good for him; and probably us, as well.”
“Of course I will! I love that kid, you know.”
Kisegawa chuckles. “As do we. Thank you very much, Athena.”
“Don’t mention it,” she says bashfully. “Crap, is that Trucy and Apollo?! What the hell are they doing here, I thought— Um, bye, you three! I gotta hide!”
The phone beeps abruptly.
That girl’s a real hoot! Patches cries.
What? Kisegawa deadpans.
You know, Athena, Minerva, the owl.
Too many layers!
Uendo sighs. I guess she'll contact us when she's ready to talk to Owen.
She'd better be ready soon, Kisegawa says, setting down the phone and grabbing the fan right next to it. I can barely breathe, I'm so worried for that child.
You're breathing just fine to me, Patches says.
Please, Patches, we're already dealing with so much.
Aww, you know you don't hate my jokes.
I don't. Kisegawa crosses her arms and opens the door resolutely.
Wait! We have to write our letter to Owen! Patches cries.
Ah, right. I won't be entrusting that responsibility to you, that's for sure.
How dare you, Kisegawa?! We all need to write to him!
Uendo and Kisegawa can nearly see Patches pouting, and the courtesan laughs aloud.
Oh, if you insist.
We were planning on letting you write a part, anyway, Patches, Uendo says.
Perhaps you were. I believe Owen would be much better off without Patches’ influence.
Mean.
When Owen wakes next, he's actually relaxed. He's not in the futon, or their room for that matter. Hm. It's unlike them to fall asleep anywhere besides their room.
The TV is on — a modern TV, unlike the one in Shisho's room — and playing a video of a fireplace, the crackling sounds settling into Owen's brain. Pleasantly. The couch is comfortable, and the heated blanket is soft and so warm. Owen exhales gently and closes his eyes again.
His fingers curl around something. He blinks as he extracts it from under the blanket.
It's their notebook.
This means they got his message! And… maybe they wrote one back.
Excitedly, he flips it open, finding the bookmark easily.
Dearest Owen,
We are very sorry. None of us can truly understand how you feel, since we are always together, but loneliness is an awful feeling. We wish we could talk to you as well.
We all care for you very deeply, and we want to keep you safe and happy. Especially me. In fact, we called Ms. Athena Cykes to see if she could talk to you — with your permission, of course. She also cares about you greatly, and was enthusiastic about trying to help you.
Please tell us if you'd like to see her again, too. It doesn't have to be a sad conversation, either. I think she'd just like to see you.
– Kisegawa
“Oh… The nice lawyer.” Owen smiles at the thought of her. He knows she would make him feel better.
There's still more to read, so he continues on.
To Owen,
I miss you, as well. We want you to know that, even though we've never met, we still consider you an invaluable part of our system. We cherish you all the same, and I know you cherish us that way, too.
From what we've heard about you, you're a very kind and loving boy. Never think of yourself badly, especially not on our account. As Kisegawa said, we think talking to Ms. Cykes would be good for you. Of course, only if you want to.
– Uendo
Owen,
Surprise! These two stole my thunder, so I don't have anything serious to say. Just that I love you too.
Oh, Owen, did you know that deer can jump higher than the average house? It's because houses can't jump!
Hope that got a laugh! I want to hear you laugh. You deserve it.
– Patches
Owen’s chest feels so warm and fuzzy. He can’t keep a smile off his face, which is a very foreign feeling for him.
They really, truly care about him and respect his wishes. And they must’ve fallen asleep here intentionally, in an environment that he would be comfortable in.
He snuggles into the couch and grabs a pen.
I wanna see Auntie Athena again. Please tell her that for me.
You all made me very happy. Thank you for writing to me. I feel a lot better now. I love you guys, too. You’re really good at rakugo and I always liked it when Shisho showed me videos of you. I don’t think I could ever be that good.
I still hope that I will meet you all one day.
– Owen
Yet again, Owen wakes up on a couch, but it’s in a wildly unfamiliar place.
He doesn’t react with panic, though. Because a woman with bright hair and an even brighter smile is standing in front of him.
“Hi, Owen!” Athena says cheerfully. “How are you?”
“Well, I’m a little confused, but I’m happy to see you.” He tries to return her smile as best as he can.
She blinks, then blushes. “Aww. Owen, that’s so sweet.” She reaches out to pat his head, then hesitates.
He leans forward into her touch. He doesn’t really like touch, but he trusts her — and it’s been so long. Ever since Shisho and Geiru went away. To his surprise, it feels nice.
“It’s okay,” he says. “You can touch me. Just don’t do it if I can’t see.”
“Oh…” Her face scrunches up into a grin. “You are so cute…!” She ruffles his hair, which doesn’t feel as nice. He rearranges his hair but puts her hand back on his head. “How long has it been since you were awake? Ah, wait, I guess you wouldn’t know.”
“I think a few days. I don’t feel like I was asleep for as long as usual.” She sits next to him, gently petting his head like a cat. He feels like a cat at the moment, so it’s nice. “I remember last time I woke up on the couch and everything was peaceful and comfy.”
“That’s good. And you were happy?”
“Uh huh.” He looks around. “Where are we now?”
“Oh, we’re at my office! The Wright Anything Agency!” She gestures to the rest of the room, filled to the brim with strange objects that Owen doesn’t recognize. “Everyone else is out right now, so it’s just you and me.”
“What are all these things?” Owen asks.
“Ah, these are Trucy’s. She’s a magician!”
He gasps. “She can really do magic?”
“Yep! She’s super talented, too.” Athena grins.
“C-could she let me meet the others?”
Her face falters, but she’s smiling again in the blink of an eye. It’s not quite as bright as before. “Unfortunately, that’s not the kind of magic Trucy does. She does stuff like making a handkerchief disappear, or pulling doves out of a hat.”
“Oh. Geiru always called those parlor tricks.”
“Really?”
“I don’t think it’s really magic… But I wanna see it.”
“Ooh, that sounds like fun! I’ll talk to Trucy about when her next show is.”
“Thanks, Auntie Athena.”
Her eyes widen. “A-Auntie?!”
“Is— is that not okay? Sorry…”
“No, no, it’s fine!” She waves her hands around in front of her. Owen giggles. “I just… Didn’t know you liked me that much.”
“Of course I do. You’re so nice.”
It’s her turn to giggle, though it’s very bashful. “Ohh… You’re the sweetest kid, Owen.”
“Am I?” He tilts his head. “I’m kinda scary, though.”
“What?” She furrows her brows. “You’re not scary at all, Owen. Why would you think that?”
“Oh.” He looks down. “Other kids said I was once. I think the others passed out in a park, and I woke up. I tried to play with the kids nearby, but… They said my eyes were scary looking. And that I was too big to be a kid.”
Athena frowns. “That’s awful…” She puts her hand on the back of Owen’s head and pulls him into a hug. “Your eyes aren’t scary, and those kids only said you were too big because they didn’t know. Just because you have an adult body doesn’t mean you’re not actually a child.”
“Sometimes I wish I could grow up,” he whispers.
“Owen…” Her voice is weighted down by sadness. “You don’t need to grow up. Uh, admittedly, I’m not entirely sure how your mental age works, but child alters can have rich lives just like everyone else. And I think you’ve had a meaningful life, Owen.”
“B-but I’m so—” He sucks in a breath. “I’m so lonely.”
She exhales thinly. “I’m sorry, sweetie. But you know what?” She puts her hands on his shoulders. “That doesn’t mean your life isn’t worth living. And you don’t have to stay lonely.”
“How?”
“Uendo has my number.” Athena smiles as if she wasn’t just on the verge of tears. “I could teach you how to use your phone, and you can call or text me if you want to talk to someone.”
“What if you’re busy?”
“Ah, yeah… Well, I’ll talk as soon as I can! And you won’t be bothering me at all. I really care about you, Owen.”
He stares at her face. Pure kindness pours out of her, and it lifts his soul.
“I-I care about you too, Auntie Athena.” He puts his arms around her. Her warmth feels so nice he could almost fall asleep again. “Thank you. It… makes me so happy.”
She sniffles, squeezing him tightly. Somehow, it feels nice.
After a few minutes, she pulls away from the hug and then asks if he wants to learn how to use the phone. Truthfully, he wants to hug a bit longer, but he nods. While she’s showing him how it works, Owen smiles the widest he ever has. Maybe he’ll never meet the people who share his body, but he has a part of them with him at all times. A part of all the people they’ve befriended.
He still misses Shisho and Geiru, but maybe he can live on without them.