Work Text:
It doesn't feel right. Then again, not much you can do with Siffrin - or "Squibbin", whatever they accidentally call themself sometimes - feels right anymore. Not even this, laying on the grass and staring into the night.
Stargazing. It's one of your newer escapades to try and put his mind at ease, enough for them to tell their wish and abandon the Sadness. They recall having done it with you before, when the loops still existed. When they were...Siffrin.
Since Loop informed you of some of the events that went on in the loops, and Siffrin themself had blurted out others, you've been trying to recreate these moments with them, to soothe their aching heart.
Odile was the one who ultimately suggested the stargazing. Everyone else was on board, though Bonnie was insistent on backing you up. "Frin could go nuts and attack you", they claimed, but you know Siffrin would never hurt any of you. Not on purpose, anyway.
"I'll be okay, Bonbon. We'll be okay."
And so, you are here now. You lay on the grass with Siffrin like in the loops you don't recall, yet they do. Surely this could work.
Sure, they're a Sadness now, their mind is in total disarray, but maybe something in there still understands what's going on. A little bit of them remains lucid, maybe. You hope that's the case, even now when they've shown nothing but madness.
You've been talking to them, keeping your calm even as they roll around, giggling manically or whimpering. You say something about the stars still being beautiful, even after the world almost ended.
"It especially is beautiful to look at...when it's around the SEVENTH time I'm staring at them!!" They grin messily, and you can't tell if they're sarcastic or not. They're not at ease though, for sure.
You sigh, glancing at them. "Hey...I get it. I do! Maybe you've done this with me lots of times, just to make me happy, and...I appreciate that, Sif! Really! But you know why you've been stuck like that."
"Mm-hmm?" they dart their head your way, hat jingling. "Do please elaborate, clothes-designer-Defender-nerdy-jock Is-a-beauuuu. I'd blinding kill to find out!~"
You wince, but you heard this before. Now that they're a Sadness...it doesn't feel that direct anymore.
That isn't Siffrin talking. Or at least, not soberly.
"...You remember your wish, Sif. Right?"
"What wish? Oh, right! The one that DIDN'T WOOOORK!!" their frustration echoes into the night sky, their teeth now gritted as they sit up. "How's that have anything to do with anything, Isa--??"
"Dude, Sif--" you raise a hand, gesturing them to calm down as you also sit up. "Maybe yeah, it didn't work the way you thought, but...that doesn't mean you've lost us, right? That's why I wanted you to come over and--"
"I haven't lost you!" They parrot, breathing uneven. "Sure!!! Yeah!! Sure!!! Like you're not looking at me like I'm disgusting, j--juf--junk...jiff..."
You blink and frown, noticing they're having trouble finding a word. Their pupil turns white for a moment before they shake their head viciously.
"--JUDGE!" They blurt out, "JUDGING ME. Judging me looking at me like that, hating me and wanting to leave. Aren't you?? Aren't you??!"
They're shaking. You notice that just now, in the heat of things. You see their eye water.
"Sif, you're scared." You start, and you hear their little breath in response. "I know you gotta be terrified, man. But you need to listen to me! I'm here! Everyone agreed for me to be out here with you, because we've done this before. And maybe because of that, it might help you. If I walked out on you now...wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose of us being here? We have to agree on that, even if you're a Sadness!"
"How am I a Sadness??? What are you on about, Isa??? If you want to kill me, I don't think it'll work!" There's that wild smile again, wavering. "You're stuck with me whether you like it or not!!"
...Then they process what else you said. A manic, shaken little laugh. "Is this...a trick. A trick. Lies lies lies just like Loop, I bet--"
"No!! No." You hastily shake your head, getting closer to Siffrin. They shiver. "Buddy, I wouldn't forgive myself if I tricked you into this. Loop wouldn't either, I know that!"
They breathe hard.
"We're here because I love you, Sif. All of us do. Because you need to understand that you can stay with us without stealing from people! We don't need some script you made up--"
"AND DID I NEED THE UNIVERSE'S TO BE HAPPY??" They snarl out loud, "This is what it's supposed to be!! I blind things up!!! You follow me!!! You're a hero!! You do that thing!!!"
"Sif!! It's not the only way to be with us!"
They stand up, dark tears splattering on their face. They grab your shirt.
"HOW WOULDJA KNOW IT BLINDING IZN'T TH' ONLY BLINDING WAY??!?!!?!!"
"BECAUSE!!! SIF!!!"
They jolt back, widened eye blinking.
"...Because it wasn't like that before. You forget stuff...but you can't forget everything we went through that easily...our whole journey...right?"
You look at them. They...don't understand. And it scares them even more.
"...Don't you remember us?"
A long silence. You look into their eyes. You still see confusion...and also, sorrow. You suddenly feel them tremor.
"...Sif?"
Tears pour from their eye again, but slower this time. They slowly go limp, and lean onto you.
You're soon hugging their weeping self, cradling them close to your arms. Laying in the grass, you feel them curl up into your hold, the jingling of their bells being the only other sound you hear other than their muffled sniffling and sobbing.
You stroke their long messy hair. You don't rush them, just letting them cry into your chest.
"...I'm sorry, sunshine. I'm sorry all of this happened to you." You say with a heavy heart, hugging them closer. If they tried saying something, you didn't understand it. They just keep sobbing.
"I love you," you say quietly. You repeat it every so often, to soothe their nerves. They whimper sometimes, nestling closer into your chest, but seems to calm down temporarily every time.
They might believe you. You can't tell, but you're happy a part of them knows they're loved.
After several moments, with teary eyes, they finally rejoin you in looking at the stars.
They remain silent. But you don't push them. They've been pushed enough, after all.
This didn't work as well as you thought. But maybe it did something.
Or maybe not. Time will tell.