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zam sat on the warm oak log next to a warm fireplace crackling in the rising sun as kab talks to jake, the server admin about his and ivory’s departure.
he knew ivory well enough, they were pretty much mutuals, on the line of being friends. he doesn’t bring himself to start a conversation though.
they sat in silence for a while, just the cracking of the fire being heard.
suddenly, ivory spoke, her angelic wings flicking back, diverting his attention to her.
“zam?” ivory hummed, running her thumb over the edge of her scythe.
he blinked, turning towards her, “yeah, what’s up ivory?”
“before we split ways from kaboodle smp.. i wanted to uhm, ask something.” she said, the corner of her eyes diverting to him.
zam tilted his head, what could ivory possible want from him?
“there’s a project.. i’ve been investing my time into. it’s the main reason i’m leaving. it’ll be a big project and..” she paused.
“i wanted to ask if you to be apart of it.” ivory finished, lowering the scythe and looking up at him.
he paused, the gears in his mind turning as he processed the information.
“what do you have in mind?” he asked, drawn in, curious. ivory had always been the artistic, creative type with potential.
he was more the chaotic, annoying type with weird ideas.
a smile tugs at her lips, “well, it’s a project, a vision, i’ve been working on a cinematic like, mystery.. murder series called whitepine.”
“you’ve always been full of good ideas, you know ivory?” he laughed quietly.
“i wouldn’t say they’ve all been good but.. i promise zam. this’ll be worth your time.”
“hey, i couldn’t give a fuck what happens with my time. i’m in, tell me more!” zam agreed with a grin.
“really? thank you so much! i cant wait to tell you about this… just wait til you see the set vision.” ivory grins, a rare sight.
…
_____________
so there zam found himself, eyes wide as ivory stands at the entrance of whitepine manor, a sight to behold.
ivory’s vision, her dream project had become a reality. it was breathtaking how it had been perfectly captured.
his eyes darted around the shining interior with not a single item looking out of place.
ivory smiled as she watched zam roam the hallways, amazed by the dim chandeliers and candles so carefully designed and placed.
“holy.. this was so worth the wait. you’re telling me i’m a fucking prince ss in this?!”
she laughed softly, “presuming you’re still interested in that role, yes. i can show you the cast list again if you’d like.”
he grinned, “i’m keeping this role! this is sick, ivory. i’m actually really glad you asked me back on ksmp.”
“i’m.. really grateful too, actually. your ties and better communication with others such clown helped me make sure they were on board.” ivory smiles, waving at zam to follow her.
he trails after her, beaming with pride because he was actually going to be a significant character in such an amazing project.
“since it’s going to be a high quality photography.. film based project, i’ve hired a few designers for clothes. you’ll be wearing a fancy suit for the first episode, so we’ll need measurements if that’s alright..”
“a fancy suit? oh hell yeah, i’m good with that!” he nods enthusiastically.
she laughs quietly in response as they wind down a separate, new hallway he had probably missed.
sometimes he wonders how people put up with him.
“alright, this is the costume design area. sorry if it’s a bit.. messy.” she hums, opening the door.
he’d seen way worse than what she was probably considering. there were just a few pieces of sprawled out floral patterns, red carpet, rolls of fabric leaning on the walls and a row of sewing machines.
“hey zam!” a familiar voice that sends his mind itching calls.
ivory smiles, a bright smile. “vi, zam. zam, vi, or violettafire, you two have met before if i remember correctly.”
vi, who zam remembers as ivory’s best friend and adopted daughter beams, “yep! vi, she/he, any! you good with me taking your measurements?”
he nods, slightly taken aback by their question. on any other smp, he wouldn’t have an option, “y-yeah! he/him.”
“great! i’ll get started on that then..” they hum, pulling out a measuring tape and notepad from a shucker nestled behind a table.
zam observed as vi quietly muttered measurements, ivory nodding and adding in her own comments and corrections every now and then.
they were almost finished, in the middle of measuring his left shoulder when ivory’s other best friend, serapter, barged in.
“hey vi, hey ivory! maddie and mysti’s apron lining is sagging again apparently. can one of you check it out?” he asked quickly.
vi and ivory glanced between eachother before vi shrugged, dropping her items and getting up, “i’ve got it. can you finish up here?”
the goddess nodded, “tell me if you need help. i think the stitching might not be tight enough.”
vi nodded, joining serapter at the doorway, who waved at zam with a mutual, “i don’t really know you but hi” kind of wave.
zam turns back to ivory, who picks up the fallen measuring tape gently.
“so zam, what’s been on your mind?” ivory hums, measuring him and writing it down on the notepad.
“uh, i don’t know. mostly just.. lifesteal, i guess. season 6 started a few weeks ago, it’s been a bit.. stressful.”
“mm.. yeah, that’s one reason i don’t think i’ll be joining for a while, if not ever. too much stress and effort and time.” she nods in agreement, finishing the measurements.
“yeah, i guess it’s easy when you fall into a routine though. i’ve been on lifesteal for what..? 3 years? it’s..”
“something. in fact, something else is on your mind. what is it, zam?” she asks, a neutral tone in her voice that scares zam a little.
he goes quiet, sitting down on a soft couch ivory offers him once she finally finishes.
she sits next to him and he doesn’t really mind. he knows she doesn’t mind the silence or sitting next to him either.
he knows ivory won’t mind when he tells her what’s been on his mind, it’s just.. weird.
no one else would understand just as well as she would.
“w-what did it feel like when you.. realized you were trans?” zam asks, darting up to look at ivory.
she blinks, not suprised nor angry, not really showing any emotion for a moment.
then she smiles softly, followed by a small laugh.
“wh-? you’re just gonna.. laugh at me after i open up a little?” zam asks in disbelief.
“oh, no, sorry. i just.. find it refreshing to hear it, especially from you. to answer, it’s like.. a gut feeling?”
zam groans, feeling his cheeks flame up. he should’ve never said anything.
ivory reaches out and places a hand on his arm gently, “hey, you aren’t dumb or delusional for questioning your identity zam.”
“i.. i- know, it’s just.. princezam? princezam going by she/her wearing dresses and skirts with long hair?”
“is that what you want?” she asks, tilting her head thoughtfully.
“i don’t know! i don’t fucking know ivory! i just feel.. feel more than just zam. i want to be more than zam. more.. more than a guy..” he says, feeling he can’t back out now.
"it just doesn't feel right- like i want to be more than prince zam. what if i want to be more than just that?" he asks softly.
“then do that, and if anyone who judges you, tell them to fuck themselves because you’re expressing yourself, you are being yourself.”
“but maybe.. i still want to be princezam but then sometimes the title is old and boring and i yearn for more, more than just princezam. more than just zam but i don’t.. think i’m trans.” he whispers.
her gentle hand moves to his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze he knows he needs, “who says you can’t be more than princezam? who says you need to be trans to be more than who you thought?”
“w-well what if people hate me? what if they all leave? what if they pretend to be my friend or-“
“zam, listen. if you want to be more than princezam, you do that. from what i learned, if they leave you after you realize who you really are, they weren’t really your friend, were they?”
he pauses, the words replaying in his mind.
“i think.. i think sometimes i want to be a girl. just go by she/her. i also want to be princezam at the same time though and go by he him." he whispers.
“then go by she/he, or him/her, or both. there’s nothing wrong with that zam.” she smiles as the words echo in his brain.
“there’s.. nothing wrong with that?”
“of course not. people are supposed to love you for you.”
how had he never thought of that..?
he laughs and suddenly, he’s crying?
ivory pulls him into a hug and he melts in her arms with gratitude.
“i think princezam is lovely, girl and guy. she is amazing and he is amazing.” ivory whispers.
and oh, he’s so grateful for ivory.