Chapter Text
"Why are we out here again?" Mabel tosses a rock into the trees, listening carefully until she hears something fall out of the branches, and then races to grab it. Putting the disoriented squirrel into the specially sewn squirrel pocket of her bag with the other two she'd managed to nab so far.
All while Dipper very impressively read over the notes in his journal and nearly went sprawling as he tripped over a tree root. Only saved by literally floating an inch before he hit the ground, book over his face like that could save him the embarrassment.
"Because! Pacifica said 'there is no way that a totally grotesque and disgusting monster like that was allowed to continue to survive in the food chain', and I'm going to prove her wrong!" She does have to admit that Dip's Pacifica impression was pretty spot on, even if his voice did crack a little at the end.
"I thought we were done trying to prove Pacifica wrong about things when she became our bestie for the resties!" She grabs Dipper's hand and pulls him along as he gently bobs in the wind, face still thoroughly buried in his book as if it would have the answers to the universe. Which, it kind of did? Or at least most of the mysteries in Gravity Falls at least!
"No, you're done trying to prove her wrong. I still live for seeing her disgusted little 'ugh'." Right, see, this is why Grunkle Stan was convinced for literal years that Dipper had a crush on Pacifica, because of things like this.
"Can't we just think of it as showing our friend the 11teenth wonder of the world?"
"Wait, what're the other three?"
"Easy! Grunkle-" Mabel didn't get to name out her totally awesome list though as they were stopped by a small squadron of gnomes in their path. All yelling and waving frantically to get the twins' attention, and while they were (probably) on better terms with the gnomes. Mabel can't say she had ever really forgiven them for trying to make a gnome queen out of her. Buncha creeps.
"Mabel! Hey, Mabel! And, uh, Dropper? I always forget your name...." Jeff pushes his way through the little squadron and marches right up to the twins, either not noticing or not caring about the icy stare Dipper sends his way.
"Oh hey, nice eyes, you trying contacts out? I was thinking of maybe getting some red ones myself, the ladies really dig red, you know?"
"How do you keep forgetting about me? I literally helped defeat you!" While it sucks that they didn't get to choose their powers, Mabel thinks it's probably a good thing that her twin did NOT get the pyro stuff. Jeff would probably be a screaming pile of gnome ash if he had with how hard he's glaring.
"Yeah, 'helped'. Anywho! Water under the bridge! I've got a new bone to pick with you twos and the rest of the Pines family!" Mabel and Dipper exchanged a look, confusion equally shared between the two of them.
Did you, like, put glitter all over their gnome hats?
Oh my god, I should do that! Did you and Grunkle Ford kidnap gnomes for weird experiments again?
Dipper grimaces at the reminder of Grunkle Ford's borderline cruel experiment on the gnomes earlier this summer and shakes his head before shrugging; the two of them turn back to the impatient Jeff.
"Okay, we'll bite. What is it now?"
"I need you twos to keep your uncle from shaboinking in the woods! It's disturbing my boys when they're trying to hunt for pies, and we can't keep blowing the budget on therapy!" At the twin looks of horror Jeff rolls his eyes and decides to keep elaborating.
"You know? Meeting for congress, matrimonial polka, sharing their carnal knowledge, ect? Any of this getting through to you two?" Mabel's brain jumpstarted faster than Dipper's and she yells in horror, belatedly covering her ears as if it would shove the knowledge out of her head.
"Yeah! If you think you're horrified, imagine trying to sleep with that happening three feet from your camp! Now the entire colony knows about your uncle's breeding attempts! And the screaming, blarg! Is he trying to scoop her insides out with that meat stick?!" Dipper covers his face with the journal again and looks like he's three seconds away from bursting into flames from sheer embarrassment.
"JEFF! STOP TALKING!" Mabel screeches, her face bright red as the gnome huffs and crosses his arms. Not looking nearly as embarrassed as he should in her opinion considering he just revealed part of her grunkle's love life to them. In a disturbing amount of detail at that.
"Alright, alright, you get the point. Just pass my message on, huh? Seriously, the budget is bad enough without having to pay for Randy's therapy because your uncle can't keep his horizontal tango inside." Yep, that does it for Dipper, Mabel watches as her twin disappears above the treeline and wishes that she could join him to escape from this conversation. But if they don't make it clear that they understand the gnomes will just come to their home to repeat it. And probably in more horrifying detail!
"Okay, yup, gotcha, toooootally. Now can we PLEASE stop talking about my grunkle's...shaboinking." Mabel cringes at having to use one of the terms, although it is certainly more bearable than having to say 'sex life'. It also seems to satisfy Jeff, who nods to Mabel before he whistles for the rest of the squadron to follow him.
The memory gun, oh god, maybe it still works?????