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“If you were still going to leave, then why did you sleep with me?”
“Because I was fucking in love with you!”
“Then WHY didn’t you stay?”
“I couldn’t… you know why.”
“I gave you the last piece of me, the part I was saving for myself.”
“I guess you did,” Feng Xin scoffed, pulling out a cigarette. “But in those last moments, I gave you my heart and you didn’t even recognize it.”
*
Feng Xin pulled Xie Lian into a desperate kiss. His beloved dianxia practically clung to him, grip so hard it threatened to break skin. Feng Xin revelled in the feeling of his desire. Of /being/ the one that Xie Lian /wanted/. He knew it wasn’t love, but he also didn’t know that Xie Lian would do /anything/ to make him stay. To not be left alone after all he’d been through. Part of him knew he was taking advantage, and the other part was heartbroken. But he wasn’t going to turn down this parting gift. He’d served his prince for most of his life, so why not serve him this one last time?
Why not lift Xie Lian Off his feet and slam him against the door he’d just been about to walk out of and kiss them both dizzy? When Feng Xian finally came up to breathe, Xie Lian immediately mouthed his neck. He was a bit clumsy at first, making Feng Xin chuckle when it tickled.
“Am I... doing this okay?” Xie Lian’s bashful gaze up into Feng Xin’s eyes was just such a turn on that it didn’t matter that he didn’t know what he was doing.
“Yes, dianxia,” Feng Xin smiled, “you can go a little harder though.”
“Okay.”
*
Xie Lian had been impulsive lately— getting drunk, nearly robbing a man, staying out and away for days at a time, wandering aimlessly all night and ruining his sleep schedule— but this was the first time he’d been overcome with sexual urges. Maybe he convinced himself he felt something more than friendship for Feng Xin and that allowed him to go through with it.
When Feng Xin lifted him, pressing him against the door to their small loft apartment, all Xie Lian felt was heat. Like he was burning up and the only way to find relief was in Feng Xin. He barely realized it when he used his legs to hold Feng Xin’s hips against his own, only really noticing the increased contact when his pelvis began grinding itself against Feng Xin’s hardening cock.
“Dianxia—“ Feng Xin moaned in Xie Lian’s ear as he matched Xie Lian’s movements. “Fuck!” He exclaimed as he picked up speed, thrusting into Xie Lian as if he were trying to break through him. It was anything but gentle and Xie Lian couldn’t get enough. It was all he could do to keep breathing, grounding himself with a tight grip on Feng Xin’s hair.
*
Feng Xin hadn’t planned to cum so soon, and certainly not from frotting. But Xie Lian’s gasps, and the way his nails grazed the back of Feng Xin’s neck as he pulled his hair made him dazed with lust. Before he knew it he was cumming in his pants.
Boxers still damp, he put Xie Lian down and dropped to his knees, fingers on the waistband of Xie Lian’s grey joggers
“Can I make you cum, dianxia?”
Xie Lian nodded as he reached down to help push his pants off his hips. Feng Xin only needed enough room to free Xie Lian’s cock, which practically bounced into his mouth as soon as it was out of containment.
Hot and throbbing, Xie Lian’s hard dick was aching for attention. And Feng Xin was aching to give it.
*
Xie Lian had never felt anything like this in his life. He’d barely ever touched himself, not having much of a sex drive and mostly grinding against a pillow or rubbing one out quickly when he was particularly stressed— or to take care of the occasional morning wood. Feng Xin used both his hand and his mouth, switching between licking and sucking, rubbing and squeezing and of course stroking the entire length of Xie Lian’s dick. He was voracious and Xie Lian was overwhelmed in the best way.
So of course it wasn’t long before he felt like he was going to burst.
“Feng Xin… I’m so close, so close, shit I’m so—” he gasped when Feng Xin suddenly pulled off, taking his prince’s full load to the face. Xie Lian only noticed the mess he’d made of his friend when the stars stopped dancing in his eyes. “Oh no, I’m so sorry!” He said, reaching to wipe off Feng Xin’s face.
“It’s okay, dianxia. I liked it,” Feng Xin grinned. “Did you like it?”
“Yes,” Xie Lian blushed.
“Do you want to continue?”
“Yes, let me help you up.”
“Thank you, Xie Lian.”
Xie Lian promptly bent down to not just help Feng Xin up, but lift him, throw him over his shoulder and carry him to the bed in the loft. A stunned Feng Xin blinked up at Xie Lian after he was firmly placed onto the bed.
“Was that okay?” Xie Lian asked, handing Feng Xin a tissue to wipe his face.
“That was fucking hot.”
“Feng Xin,” Xie Lian asked, crawling between the other man’s spread thighs, “have you ever been fucked in the ass?”
“Um, kinda?” Feng Xin blushed, turning his head away. “Just a couple fingers inside during blowjobs.”
Xie Lian had expected Feng Xin to be flustered, but hadn’t expected him to say yes. He realized he didn’t actually know anything about Feng Xin’s sexual experience. But clearly he had some, while Xie Lian had none.
“Well…” Xie Lian said, gently spreading Feng Xin’s thighs, “how about I fuck you more than kinda?”
*
Feng Xin had always imagined that he’d be the one to fuck Xie Lian. If sex ever happened, that is. But here he was, sprawled out and dick wet with Xie Lian wanting to fill him. How could he possibly not want this?
“There’s uh, lube and condoms in the side table,” Feng Xin said.
“Haha… is that a yes?”
“Oh, fuck! Yes. It’s a yes. I want you. To fuck me. In the ass.” Feng Xin was aware of how awkward he sounded, but at least dianxia was smiling.
Feng Xin was already shirtless, having lost it at some point while making out, so he figured he may as well shimmy out of his chinos and briefs while Xie Lian grabbed the condoms and lube.
Xie Lian soon returned with three bottles and a full ribbon of condoms.
“Will this work?” he asked.
“Uh, yeah! Idunno if we’ll go through that many condoms but it doesn’t hurt to be safe. Also I don’t recognize the gray bottle but the white and black are mine…”
“Must be Mu Qing’s…” Xia Lian trailed off with a sad smile. Feng Xin felt a pang in his heart. He’d been pissed when Mu Qing had left the year before, but now he understood. Things were too stagnant, and none of them had the space to grow. “Anyway,” he said, changing the subject, “the white one is water based and the black is silicone lube.”
“Cool haha… What’s the difference?”
“The silicone one is slipperier, and the water based one is… wetter?”
Xie Lian’s face was a blank slate before he burst out laughing.
“I’m sorry,” he said, wiping his eyes, “I’m not laughing at you, I’m just… glad I’m not the only one who isn’t an expert at all this.” He gestured at the bed and condoms.
“You don’t have to be— no one does, not for us to enjoy this,” Feng Xin said. “We can just see whatever feels good, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Xia Lian responded with a soft smile.
*
Feng Xin’s body was very sensitive, responding eagerly to Xie Lian’s touch. When Xie Lian stroked Feng Xin’s sides, he could feel the other man shudder in response, biting his lip between gasps. His lower abdomen was especially fun to play with, a gentle brush with the back of Xie Lian’s hand made him clutch at the sheets. The back of his thighs could handle Xie lian’s forceful grip, but it also made Feng Xin let out what was almost a whimper. As Xie Lian finally danced his fingers behind Feng xin’s sac, he could tell the other man was about to lose his composure.
“How are you feeling, Feng Xin?” Xie Lian asked, knowing very well that he’d had him in the palm of his hand for a while.
“Fuck… I want you. Please, dianxia.”
It had been a long time since anyone had called Xie Lian that with reverence. It was bittersweet, but Feng Xin’s pleading also gave Xie Lian a thrill he hadn’t felt before. Feng Xin may have been using his now defunct royal title, but he could’ve called Xie Lian anything in that erotic, submissive tone and it would’ve turned him on. Here, his power was that he could give pleasure. It was based purely on his actions, not a status he was born into.
“We’ve gotta ease you into it, be a good boy and take my fingers one at a time.”
“…fuck…” was all Feng Xin managed to gasp, as Xie Lian gingerly slipped his lube-slickened index finger into his twitching, eager hole.
*
It was only one finger so far, but Feng Xin felt his entire body shudder. He’d almost forgotten how good it felt to have someone stimulate his ass. He already wanted more.
“Dianxia.. please…” he couldn’t stop the words from slipping out of his mouth or the whimper that followed when Xie Lian found his prostate and pressed. A jolt passed through his body as a bit of milky fluid shot out of him. He’d never cum this quickly in his life and he might’ve been embarrassed if it didn’t feel so good… or if he didn’t squirt more cum with each thrust of Xie Lian’s finger.
He wasn’t quite sure how much time had passed when Xie Lian added a second finger, but the additional stretch made him clench and bear down to help pull the other man inside him. He felt Xie Lian plunge inside just a bit deeper and it was everything he could do not to immediately beg for even more. He’d gone too fast with anal once and nursed a sore asshole for a week. And that had been with only a couple fingers— today he was hoping for an entire cock.
After Xie Lian’s third finger entered him, Feng Xin was practically vibrating with pleasure. One of his legs was draped over Xie Lian’s shoulder and he could feel himself lifting his hips to meet Xie Lian’s increasingly harder thrusts. Of course, he couldn’t help but peek at Xie Lian’s hard cock whenever his eyes weren’t rolling back in his head.
*
Xie Lian discovered that he really liked fingering Feng Xin. He enjoyed exploring the other man, seeing which spots made him moan and writhe before him. And it was so warm and tight… he wasn’t sure how long he would last if he put his dick inside. He was already leaking, and didn’t want to disappoint Feng Xin by cumming immediately and not being able to continue fucking him.
“Fuck dianxia…” Feng Xin groaned. “I want you… please, fuck!”
Xie Lian loved the way Feng Xin begged, but in this particular moment was a bit confused as to what he wanted. He was already inside Feng Xin, and from the looks of the amount of semen dripping down Feng Xin’s torso he’d had more than a couple orgasms. So he just fucked Feng Xin harder, to the point that he was barely able to make out words.
“Fuck me dianxa, please…” Feng Xin said when he was coherent again. “I want your cock deep inside me.”
Now Xie Lian understood. He wasn’t really aure what the difference for Feng Xin would be, but he couldn’t deny that he was aching for release. He wanted to feel Feng Xin bear down on his dick, hot, wet and all encompassing.
“Okay, I’ll need both hands to put on the condom, Feng-er,” Xie Lian responded gently.
“What if I put it on for you?” Feng Xin blurted.
“Can you reach with me inside you?”
“If you stay still…” Feng Xin trailed off, looking uncertain.
“I think I will still have to pull out. But since you are so eager, I’ll let you help.”
“Okay.”
Xie Lian had never put on a condom before, and wasn’t actually quite sure how. So he was a bit relieved that Feng Xin volunteered to help. He slowly pulled his fingers out, making Feng Xin bite his lip and wine. His fingers were still slick, so while Feng Xin opened the condom he took the opportunity to clean his fingers and use his other hand to rub his cock. He was surprised to find that even a bit of touch helped take the edge off. It helped ground him as well, mentally preparing him to stick his dick inside someone for the first time.
He’d masturbated a bit before, but not very often. It was usually just a way to relieve stress or deal with the occasional morning wood. He usually took care of it by rubbing his hand over his cock and balls or by humping a pillow if he needed a more intense release. None of that felt comparable to fucking an actual orifice in someone’s body. And it wasn’t just his own pleasure he had to focus on.
Xie Lian was generally a man with good self control, but what if he came too quickly? They had more condoms, but he didn’t want his first time fucking someone with his cock to be disappointing.
Thankfully, the feeling of Feng Xin grasping his dick in preparation for putting a condom on distracted Xie Lian from his intrusive thoughts.
*
Feng Xin couldn’t help but take the chance to feel Xie Lian’s cock in his hands. The condom was a good excuse to get a feel of it, to imagine what it might feel like inside him. That and Xie Lian’s immediate groan when Feng Xin touched him made him ache for him. Feng Xin could feel his asshole twitch in anticipation.
He’d had plenty of practice putting a condom on his own dick, which he didn’t really find sexy most of the time. He wanted to make it fun for Xie Lian though, so he started by sliding his hand up the shaft of Xie Lian’s cock. He grinned when Xie Lian instinctively bucked his hips in response.
“Feng Xin…” Xie Lian breathed, voice heavy with need. The slight impatience in his tone betrayed the depth of his desire. It gave Feng Xin the sudden idea to put the condom on Xie Lian with his mouth. He’d been on the receiving end of that trick a couple of times and it had absolutely driven him wild. He wanted to know how Xie Lian would respond.
He’d already opened the condom, so he used one hand to fish it from the package and pop it behind his lips. Then he dove forward to put the tip of Xie Lian’s cock in his mouth, sucking it into the condom. Using his tongue to press the condom against Xie Lian’s penis, his lips pushed the latex down around the shaft. He struggled to get it all down in one go, so he had to bob back and forth to get all the way unfurled.
By the time he’d gotten it all the way on, Xie Lian’s fingers were clutching Feng Xin’s hair from the roots. It was obvious from the slight twitching of his hips that he was holding back from fucking Feng Xin’s face again. Feng Xin pulled off in one motion, making Xie Lian moan. When their eyes met, Xie Lian’s face was flushed and his teeth were sunk into his bottom lip.
“Now you’re as ready as I am,” Feng Xin said. “Please take me, dianxia.”
Xie Lian responded by pushing Feng Xin back down onto the bed, placing him on his side. Feng Xin was still delightfully dizzy when Xie Lian parted his legs, his hard and leaking cock hot against his thigh. He felt Xie Lian’s fingers graze his hole as he applied a bit more lube. The coolness of the lube made the warmth of Xie Lian even more distinct as he nudged the outside of Feng Xin’s asshole with his cock.
As he pressed inside, Feng Xin’s sphincter practically started pulling him in. Feng Xin couldn’t help but bear down around it, making them both cry out. Feng Xin wanted all of it.
“Fuck, dianxia… I want you, fuck I want all of you,” he said before he could even think.
“I know,” Xie Lian responded, slowly easing in and out of the other man, not yet fully encased in the deliciousness of his body. “But it’s your first time, so we have to take our time.”
Feng Xin was about to argue when he felt pressure on his prostate that immediately made him go limp with pleasure. He could barely hear the “good boy” Xie Lian praised him with, as Xie Lian focused on teasing his hole and hitting his prostate.
*
Xie Lian very much wanted to pound Feng Xin into the mattress. But he knew if he did that from the start it would be painful for Feng Xin. That and he’d probably cum within 90 seconds. To ground himself, he threw one of feng Xin’s legs over his shoulder and gripped his thigh as he thrusted.
And damn did Feng Xin feel good on his cock. The way he shuddered and clenched his muscles when Xie Lian brushed his prostate was heavenly. Yet he still wanted more. They both did.
So when Feng Xin whimpered and whined and begged for Xie Lian to wreck him and use him however he wanted, Xie Lian could no longer hold back. He pushed the leg that was over his shoulder onto Feng Xin’s chest, allowing him to thrust his cock completely into Feng Xin and hold him in place. He pressed the other man down with his entire body as he let his hips pound with reckless abandon.
*
Feng Xin clung to him as his whole body shook. Xie Lian’s cock was hitting different spots than his fingers had, stimulating nerves deeper inside him. It felt like Xie Lian was fucking all the way into his core. And the weight of him pressing down as they held each other made him feel completely immersed in the moment. All he knew was the feeling of Xie Lian inside him and around him and it was pure ecstasy.
*
Xie Lian lasted longer than he thought he would. He let go of his fear of disappointment as he lost himself in fucking Feng Xin. As Feng Xin dug his nails into Xie Lian’s back and sides, Xie Lian found himself biting Feng Xin’s neck and shoulders.
“Look at me,” he found himself saying as he grabbed Feng Xin by the jaw to force his face towards him.
“Yes, dianxia,” Feng Xin gasped. “You.. fuck! You can choke me…”
Xie Lian could feel Feng Xin’s pulse quicken under his palm as he offered his throat. Continuing his fervent thrusting, Xie Lian moved his fingers downward on Feng Xin’s jawline to wrap around the top of his neck. When he pressed upward against Feng Xin’s chin he saw the other man’s eyes roll upwards as he immediately came, hot ejaculate squirting between them.
“Xie Lian!” Feng Xin moaning pushed Xie Lin over the edge and he too came, thrusting as hard and fast as he could in short bursts that made his vision white out.
*
After fucking, both men lay in each other’s arms, collapsed on the bed. Feng Xin held Xie Lian to his chest, gently stroking his hair. His skin pulsed where Xie Lian had marked him and he could feel the heat where the blood rushed to the scratches he’d left on Xie Lian. He felt guilty that he hoped the marks would last until after he was gone. He never thought he’d be able to touch and hold Xie Lian like this, and have the other man touch him in kind. It was something he’d yearned for since they were kids, but he’d repressed the feeling, settling for friendship. Hell, he’d even fallen in love with someone else, and ultimately had his heart broken.
But that feeling of heartbreak couldn’t compare to how much it would hurt him to leave. He wasn’t even sure if Xie Lian shared his feelings or was just attracted to him. And Feng Xin was too much of a coward to ask. He couldn’t even tell Xie Lian he was in love with him. Feng Xin knew he was selfish. All he could do was leave Xie Lian with some happy memories of their last moments together.
*
The sound of Feng Xin’s heartbeat made Xie Lian feel secure. He felt more connected to his friend than he ever had before. If Feng Xin wanted his body, it could hardly be considered a sacrifice if it felt this good. As the Crown Prince, he’d been raised to keep his body pure. Many considered it an old fashioned idea, an outdated notion that royal flesh should be sheltered until marriage. Some thought that the heirs were caged and pitied his role, while others considered his sheltering to be a place of unearned privilege.
When the coup came, and the opposing army raided the palace, there were those who saw him as a symbol of the monarchy, pristine and unsoiled. As something to ruin. In that moment, surrounded by the threat of sexual violence, a young soldier, still loyal to Xie Lian, helped him hide and escape. No one touched him, but he still heard them describe the things they wanted to do to him. The violations they wanted to inflict to channel their violence towards the monarchy via his body.
The experience had chilled him, to say the least. No one knew about it except the soldier who’d helped him. Afterwards, he just had to survive. He’d never really imagined what sex could be like or this type of intimacy with another person. Not like he would’ve had the time or space while sharing a one bed loft with Mu Qing and Feng Xin while spending his days between various jobs and busking.
But now he understood how good it felt to fuck. How the give and take of sexual pleasure could make you feel closer to someone. He wasn’t sure what this meant for his and Feng Xin’s friendship, or if he wanted more. Part of hiñm wanted to ask how Feng Xin felt, but he didn’t want to scare him away. For now he could just relax, knowing that he had a way to keep Feng Xin by his side.
*
One week later, Xie Lian woke up to an empty bed. Feng Xin was nowhere to be seen.