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2024-12-24
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nothing else to do and nothing else to lose (i’m already down)

Summary:

Daniela is just trying to sleep and Megan has too much of everything in her mind.

Or, Daniela does the most coherent thing she could think of just to shut Megan’s thoughts out. Now, neither of them are talking or sleeping…

Notes:

this is not beta read and i haven't written a fanfic in a long time, so please bare with me. anyways, i hope you enjoy this lil xmas gift from me!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

On most days, Daniela would agree that she is indeed a fan of talking—and no, not just small talks, but drawn-out multi-hour sessions of conversations that somehow always end up into moments of wheezing and then a sudden philosophical realization about the meaning of humanity.

And well, this day? 

Today is probably not part of those most days she would agree on.

The members and she had just finished a 12-hour rehearsal for their MAMA performance. Tired is definitely an understatement, and so is exhausted. Every muscle in her body screamed in protest with each movement—the kind of bone-deep exhaustion that made even breathing feel like a monumental task. Her back and leg muscles had been protesting since mid-day, and the promise of a hot bath back at their dormitory—well, more of a shared house between the six members—was the only thing keeping her conscious.

Next to her in the van's backseat, Megan sat in a state that's somewhere between impending sleep and restless energy. Daniela couldn’t figure out as her eyes were blurring her vision on their own. Still, she managed to make out Megan’s head turning to look at her eyes, which were probably staring for far too long now.

Megan fixes her position so that her entire body is now facing in Daniela’s direction. She draped her right thigh over Daniela's left knee, while her right hand found purchase on the other. The familiar weight of her settled against Daniela's side as she nestled her head in the valley between Daniela's shoulder and neck. The dent of her warmth easily seeps into Daniela’s skin—making the older girl shiver as her breath grazes the pale skin.

It was just the two of them in the backseat of the van. Three of the members share the middle, while Yoonchae calls the shotgun ahead of them. Without looking, Daniela could tell that everyone was asleep—with the sole exception of the driver, of course, and the two of them in the backseat.

“Dani,” Megan whispers, and it’s barely above her breath. The only way Daniela could’ve figured out the younger girl was talking and saying her name is due to the way her lips were grazing her skin—tickling her a bit. On another day, she would’ve definitely let out a little giggle, but the miniscule movement barely stimulated a reaction out of her.

Then, she feels a slight nudge on her neck as Megan attempts to headbutt her to get her attention. Daniela closes her eyes and buries the back of her head deeper into the leather of the seat. Her left hand falls down on the curve of Megan’s waist—cradling it and giving it a light squeeze—before letting out a little humming sound to acknowledge Megan’s call.

Megan lifts herself a bit—just enough to peek at Daniela’s face. In this position, she can feel the dig of Daniela’s knee on her thigh. She lifts the hand resting on the opposite knee to place it on her band member’s shoulder—just adjacent to its former position. A small smile dents her face as she sees a fluttering movement in Daniela’s eyes as they open to look back at her.

“Hey.” The smile still evident in her face drips down to her voice, and it’s suddenly sweeter—Daniela thinks. Instead of focusing on the sticky and cheesy feeling in her stomach right now, she gives back a quiet ‘hey’ of her own.

Megan nods before continuing her statement—her voice drowning in the grogginess of Daniela’s mind. “You know that part where you’re in the center for the dance break, then it switches to me, and the three of us split. I was thinking,” And that’s the extent of what Daniela could hear. She squints her eyes—trying to make sense of what Megan is trying to say. For the love of all things sweet and gentle that is Megan, she really couldn’t comprehend a single thing right now.

“Right?” Megan says, and Daniela is suddenly back on the ground. She controlled every fiber in her being to stop herself from jolting and possibly throw Megan off of her. Her band member is now staring at her with a confused expression—there is a slight raise in her eyebrow and her mouth is slightly ajar as if she’s contemplating whether to continue speaking or not.

Daniela clears her throat from nothing and spits out an agreement to Megan’s statement that she only heard around a quarter of. She thinks she’s being convincing at totally playing it cool right now because Megan nods along and even gives her shoulder a light squeeze.

Then she continues.

Right now, it’s impossible for her to comprehend how Megan is the last one standing amongst them when most of the time, she’s always the one dozing off—Daniela thinks it cute and endearing when, amidst an interview, Megan would glance at her and pout after she caught her either zoning out or fluttering her eyelids a bit too fast to shake the sleepiness off.

“I can see us choreographing our own performance in the future.” 

“Yeah, me too.” She even nods repeatedly to make herself sound convincing and probably shake off that feeling of drowsiness. 

It’s working , Daniela thinks to herself.

So, as Megan continues to talk about dancing —she’s not sure—the voice of the younger girl just floats through her ear and out, not even bothering to make a detour in the hazy landscape of her exhausted mind. Daniela might be strong in some ways or another—but now she’s struggling to hold on as Megan’s words start to blend into the soft rumble of the van’s engine, creating a background that is now threatening her—like a knife to her neck, to be lulled to sleep as she goes deeper and deeper from her half-conscious state. Still, she can’t find it in her to sleep; there seems to be something about Megan that is keeping her tethered to consciousness—some sort of magnetic pull that’s defying the bone-deep fatigue from their rehearsals.

“You’re totally not listening.” Megan’s voice cuts through her drowsiness—a mix of playfulness is evident in her voice that Daniela did not absolutely learn to discern by this point in their friendship . When she doesn't answer, Megan’s hand—still resting on her shoulder—gives her a light squeeze that sends a tiny jolt of awareness through Daniela’s body about her lack of response.

She manages to mumble something—she’s not even sure what—and she hopes it sounds coherent enough to satisfy Megan. The younger girl has always been like this: unable to settle her mind—a whirlwind of thoughts and ideas that Daniela always tries to jump into and even match.

Suddenly, the van takes a slight turn, and their bodies shift closer. Daniela could feel the warmth of Megan's breath, the soft fabric of her hoodie brushing against her own skin. She wants to apologize and talk further with Megan, but the exhaustion—and now this warmth—becomes a heavy blanket that further threatens to pull her under completely. Now, she just wants to bask in the warmth that Megan is providing her and further nestle in it—her body is suggesting that she should cuddle with Megan to sleep before they arrive home. 

First, she just needs Megan to stop talking—no matter how soothing her voice is to Daniela’s ears. So, in that moment of proximity, with Megan still talking about her not listening—Daniela makes a split-second decision. She turns her head slightly, just enough to catch Megan mid-sentence. Before Megan can fully process what's happening, Daniela presses her lips against hers—a quick, unexpected kiss that effectively stops her talking. It's soft, brief, but deliberate enough to completely derail Megan's train of thought.

For a moment, everything stops. The van seems to fade into silence, and when Daniela pulls away, she can feel Megan catching her breath—lips still slightly parted and her words completely forgotten. 

Just like that—Megan goes quiet and Daniela's sleepiness also goes away.

Since it was her stupid decision, Daniela's the first one to shift, and Megan—still in awe—follows her blindly until the two of them are sitting in the car, feet both planted on the ground, and with just enough space between them to fit another person.

The ride home goes on with that uncomfortable quietness that Daniela isn't quite used to. Between here and there, she would turn to her side and take a peek at Megan's expression—trying to discern any uncomfortableness in her expression and there was none—or her mind is just too panicked to read Megan right now.

When the van finally halts to a stop, one by one, the rest of the members are lifted from their sleep and shuffled out. During their turn in the backseat to file out, none of them moved—unsure on who should go first. 

“Guys? You okay back there?” Manon gives Daniela a weird stare and mouths a ‘what,’ to her direction. Daniela takes this as her chance to leave the car before Megan and immediately wraps her hand on Manon's arm to drag her inside the car.

“Girl, you got some explaining to do. 'Cause there's something going on, and I'm clueless as fuck here!” Manon whisper-shouts to her, which Daniela gives her arm a hard—not that hard—squeeze.

Daniela scooches closer until her forehead is literally grazing Manon's cheeks, then she slows down to whisper, “Later, just act normal for now. Can't let the other girls know something's up.” Her head immediately turns to look at the other girls walking behind them; she catches a glimpse of Megan—yawning and scratching her eye with her hand. As if the heavens hated Daniela even more—her thoughts narrates—Megan finds her eyes, and they lock for a split second before Daniela turns back to Manon with a pained smile.

Manon looks at her with an exasperated expression. “So, how fucked are you? You're literally freaking out my vibes right now.”

“Just wait,” Daniela sighs before letting Manon go to unlock the door with her keys.


“Oh, hell no!” Manon is looking at her with a wide-eyed expression—her hands covering her dropping jaw.

Daniela nods in agreement, murmuring, ‘I know, I know...’ repeatedly as her face slaps herself repeatedly with both her palms.

“Oh, Dani... sweetie.” Manon embraces her, and Daniela buries her head further into her best friend's shoulder so that she could now inhale the lotion Manon just put on while waiting for her to finish her own shower.

Daniela lifts her head and huffs—like a balloon deflating on the ground. “I shouldn't have kissed her, right?”

“Nah, that was fine and probably long overdue already. Your mistake was not communicating and acting like nothing happened.”

“Umm… What do you mean by overdue?” She detangles herself from Manon's embrace—watching as the girl looks around and bites her finger—further fueling Daniela's curiosity.

When Manon finally looked back at Daniela, the girl was looking at her with a hardened expression. 

“Come on, don't tell me you literally haven't been waiting for that to happen.” When Daniela shakes her head, Manon pats her head instead.

“You are oblivious and kind of stupid, Dani.” Manon shakes her head. "And that's fine. I still accept you.”

“I literally have no idea what you're talking about. Why would I want to kiss Megan?”

“Yeah, and that’s done now. The question is, why did you kiss Megan?” Daniela couldn’t even dodge the pointed and raised eyebrow of Manon right now—let alone the question.

“If you're implying here that I like her, then you're wrong.”

“See, I haven’t even said a word yet!” Manon stands up and dramatically fakes punching the wall. “Daniela, tú eres estúpida.”

“Hey, don't use my teachings against me!”

Manon then turns and firmly stands. “Really? You're telling me—you're literally telling me right now that you don't feel something funny with Megan. You know what? Let's do some exercise and backtrack a bit, shall we?” She flops down the bed and holds both Daniela’s hands and clasps them together.

Daniela frowns.

She doesn't like where this is going right now, but when she sees the look on Manon's face, she can’t help but to oblige and close her eyes.


Frustrated at her performance in today's evaluation—Daniela couldn’t find it in herself to rest tonight and sleep. She twists and turns—and when she hears a quiet grumble from the other bed in the bunk, she decides it's best to step out. 

After tiptoeing out of the bedroom where her co-trainees lie asleep, she instead finds herself in the kitchen. It's a shock to her to see another figure in the dim light.

“Hey, it's Daniela, right? I'm Megan, if you couldn't remember.” Of course, Daniela knew her. Just like her, this trainee was used to being in the spotlight. Just like her, she had been building her resume since they could start walking. 

And, well, Daniela couldn't help but to let her heart swell in admiration at this young girl's determination.

Just like her—they both knew what they had to be, and they both had the will to get there.

“Yes, it's Daniela. You can call me Dani; it's my nickname.” A smile forms in Megan's face, and Daniela almost gets blinded when she sees the dimples right below her eyes—just like a cat.

And she probably said that out loud.

“Y-you think so? I hear it a lot.” Megan giggles, and it's like bubbles churning in Daniela's stomach now—she's probably hungry, her mind declared.

“What are you doing up so late?” Daniela asks.

“I-” Megan pauses. “I couldn't sleep after that tough evaluation.”

Daniela knows that feeling very much. She's literally in this situation right now because of it.

“I feel you. That's why I'm also here because I keep tossing and turning, and I don't think Ezrela appreciates that.” What she said made Megan giggle again. Suddenly, the room feels a bit warm.

“You did great, by the way. Though the criticisms are valid. But, I could tell everyone thinks you did great... Megan.” And the name just rolls off her tongue nicely, she thinks to herself. A cough brings her back to the current moment, and she sees Megan avoiding her stare—face flushed with a hint of pink.

“I-” Megan attempts to say.

Then, she clears her throat to say something else: “Thank you, Dani. I feel the same with you—I mean, you did well too.” Daniela thinks it's adorable how Megan was fumbling in her words right now and definitely extra adorable in the way she says her nickname—Dani.

Before anything else could further happen, Megan excuses herself. “I should go to sleep now. Good night, Dani.” 

Daniela's eyes were fixated on Megan's back watching the girl retreat to her own shared room with the other trainees.

Daniela knew that Megan would make it. There was no way—and there isn't a possibility that could ever exist for Megan to not debut. So, when she hears Megan's name being called, her heart couldn't help but swell and break at the same time.

She looks at her side and sees her fellow contestants’ nervous faces—this was it. Last two members. Her head goes over to the other two who could make it beside her, then her heart breaks further into pieces when she sees Manon's face.

She's happy.

She's happy that Manon would make it.

But her heart breaks at the thought that it wouldn't be her standing right there with her friends.

“From the U.S.A.—Daniela!”

She was debuting.

Her feet had a mind of their own as they made their way towards the other members—her other members. The tears fall when she sees the teary-eyed look on Sophia, Lara, Yoonchae, and... Megan. 

She was debuting with them—she was debuting with Megan. 

They hugged her, and that's all the strength Daniela needed to not fall on her knees right now. She stands beside them and waits until the final name is called.

“Manon from Switzerland!”

Her head turns in the direction where Manon was coming from, her hands already extended.

They were going to make their dreams come true—together. 

They huddled into a hug again as Manon stepped beside them. She couldn't help but whisper, ‘We did it,’ and over the cheers, she could hear the faint noise of Megan's giggle.

This was truly it.

It was one of those nights again. Where Daniela couldn’t sleep due to her thoughts. It was their first live performance tomorrow, and it's going to happen at KCON LA.

That's a bit crazy to think about for her, and she's still struggling to wrap her thoughts around the fact that she's now an idol doing what she loves to do—performing on stage, bringing hope and joy to the little young girls that want to walk the same path as them.

“Dani?” was the first thing she hears as she steps out of her shared room with Manon and into the kitchen.

It was Megan.

"Couldn't sleep again?” Daniela says as she sits on the kitchen counter beside Megan.

A laugh escapes from Megan's lips. “You know it. I assume you're the same.”

Daniela laughs with her. “You know, I’m really not the best person to say this right now because I'm also nervous, but you're going to do great, Megan. Everyone will love you—they already do, probably.” Her hand catches the strands of hair that fall in front of Megan's face, brushing them to the side just behind her ear.

“I don't believe you, but okay.” There it is, that giggle that churns Daniela's stomach in just the right ways.

“Who cares if they don't? At least I do.” Megan's eyes shot up, meeting her own. Daniela feels a bit scared at that moment, so she continues, “I do and the members do, okay? And we're never wrong, are we?”

Megan smiles, taking her hand and placing it on her cheek, nestling under her palm like a cat under the sun.

“I feel the same way, Dani.” 

There's a shiver that goes down Daniela's spine; she could feel words rising up from her throat and a thought that's bubbling in her mind.

She ignores it and just pulls Megan into an embrace, and they hold each other on the kitchen counter while the moon shines and slips a ray above their heads.

She's scared that she's getting too used to this.


Daniela opens her eyes, and her eyes lock with Manon's, who has a look in her face that tells her she's been waiting with an expectation.

She might have something to feed that expectation.

Oh.

Oh.

She does.

Yes, she does.

“Manon, I’m in love with Megan...” She whispers, and it’s not loud enough to go through the walls, but just enough for Manon to break into a smile and jump into a victory dance. Daniela is looking at her like she's crazy right now, and she couldn't really care less when she has been whispering to Lara about it since the dinosaurs died.

“What do you mean you knew before me?! Am I that fucking obvious?!”

“And dense!” Manon added.

Then, she settles down again and clasps Daniela’s hands in between hers. “Not gonna lie, I didn't think that would work. I was ready to endure a week or two of awkwardness and tension, you know?”

“Shut up!” Daniela buries her face in her hands, hiding the red that is rising up to her ears.

“What do I do?!” She removes both hands and rests them on her chin, her lips jutting out to a pout.

“Duh, talk to her!” Manon says like it’s the most obvious thing to do—it is, actually—and the most easiest thing to do—not this one though, no.

Daniela’s lips juts out more as her pout deepens—almost a frown by now. Manon almost loses it and gives in to not peer pressuring her into talking with Megan. Instead, she shakes her head and gestures for Daniela to stand up. The younger one looks at her like she grew two heads before bolting to the opposite side of Manon.

“Girl, please. What are you going to do once Sophia notices something weird tomorrow or, worse, later?” Manon's standing and her hands are now resting on her hips—looking like she’s growing impatient over Daniela’s stubbornness, but the truth is—her heart goes out to this girl and her long overdue pining over their bandmate, Megan.

Daniela thinks about it for a moment. 

What would she even say? “ Hi, Megan. Sorry for kissing you earlier; I just wanted to shut you up so we could cuddle because I’ve been in love with you for a while now.” She shakes her head and lets out a defeated sigh before standing up with both of her hands in the air.

“Fine, fine. I’m talking to her right now.” She watches as Manon holds the door open for her. The older girl gives her a thumbs up before saying, “Buena suerte, Dani!”

Her steps tremble as she makes her way towards Lara and Megan’s shared room. There is a churning feeling in her stomach right now—twisting and turning, and it’s definitely not that nice bubbles she gets whenever Megan laughs. When she gulps, a laugh almost escapes her lips—it feels like she’s in some kind of sitcom show. 

Then she stopped. 

A hand is raised. 

She breathes out one more time to brace herself to knock on their door. Her hand just grazes the door when suddenly...

“Hey!”

It was Megan.

And she has that same smile on her face that Daniela grew to love—just a bit small right now and not as happy as she used to remember.

It took everything in her to muster up a response, “Hey to you too.” 

From the back, she could catch a glimpse of Lara giving her two thumbs up and mouthing ‘good luck.’ 

Maybe this isn’t so bad.

Behind her, Megan closes the door, then gives her a small smile. “Let’s talk in the kitchen.” 

Huh?

Then she says exactly that. “Huh?”

Megan looks at her—almost as if there’s a question mark on her face—well, she is confused as well with her own response. “We are going to talk, right? You came for that, right?” Now, there was a bit of panic seeping into Megan’s voice. As if it’s instinct, Daniela brings both of her hands onto Megan’s shoulder—as if grounding her physically and mentally.

She smiles, the brightest she could right now. “We are. Let’s go?”

Megan takes a deep breath and nods.

When they step inside the kitchen, it mirrors the same sanctuary Daniela remembers it to be during her last heart-to-heart with Megan here. The early evening light that is filtering through the thin curtains casts a muted amber flow of soft shadows across the countertops. She watches as Megan walks through them—the way the shadows mark her skin and how the moonlight is illuminating her face—oh, her pretty face that makes Daniela struggle to catch her breath right in this moment.

It took every strength in the fiber of her being to look away at Megan and to make way towards the opposite side of the counter—making it the only thing between her and Megan, and this way she could clearly see how the moon eclipsed behind Megan. 

“So,” Megan begins, her fingers tracing invisible patterns on the kitchen counter. Suddenly, it’s like a blanket fell down on them. The silence between them feels thick—weighted with many unspoken words and the memory of the unexpected kiss in the van. Daniela follows the movement of Megan’s fingers, her heart racing. She wonders if Megan will break the tension for the two of them or if they’re just going to let it simmer.

“Dani.” Daniela looks up, and their eyes meet—suddenly, there’s a spark that ignites between their stares that she has never seen before, something she’s not quite accustomed to yet. But some things never changed—this one still makes her feel that very same feeling of being seen and vulnerable. The light shifts a bit, and Megan catches it on the side of her face—the soft shadow that casts reminds Daniela of the countless late-night conversations they shared—of moments they shared while the rest of the world slumbers.

Daniela feels like she’s in a game of chess.

The silence stretches between the two of them. She couldn’t help but grip the edge of the kitchen counter—knuckles turning white, a physical anchor to keep herself from floating away on the tide of unspoken emotions that are threatening to spill.

"So.” She’s the one who said it this time. It’s neither a question nor quite a statement. The sound hangs in the air—suspended between them, something you could hear like in a moment before a first—but in their case, the moment—moments after an unexpected one.

Daniela could only swallow. Her throat feels dry as her heart becomes a thundering mess against her ribcage. She wants to apologize. She wants to say something—anything really—that could possibly make sense of the impulsive kiss in the van and of the years of moments that had been building up to this exact point.

But Megan beats her to it.

“The kiss in the van.” Megan’s voice is soft—like she’s handling something fragile. Something that might shatter if spoken about too loudly. “We should probably talk about that.”

Daniela nods. Or thinks she nods. She’s not even entirely sure if her body is even listening to her brain right now. Everything feels suspended—time, breath, the very molecules between them.

It’s like the world just suddenly stopped for them.

Megan continues, “I wasn't... I mean, I didn’t expect—” She stops, her words trailing off.

Daniela takes a deep breath, and she’s pretty sure Megan could hear her sharp inhale. “So,” she repeats, her voice a soft echo of her earlier attempts to break the silence. 

“About that kiss.” Daniela feels her cheeks burning. Suddenly, the kitchen counter between them feels like an ocean—vast and impossible to cross. She’s about to burst at this point—she wants to apologize, explain, do something—anything—maybe all at the same time just to cross this moment right now and bury it under the bridge.

So, Daniela starts with the most simple one—”I’m sorry,” she blurts out. Then, the words come tumbling out before she can stop them. “I was just—well, you were talking, and I was so tired—you were warm, and I just wanted—” She stops, realizing she’s not making any sense.

Megan’s fingers stop tracing invisible patterns on the counter. She attempts to catch Daniela’s gaze but fails. Then, she just looks to the side instead—just to make sure she’s not looking down but not looking at Daniela exactly too. 

“You kissed me to shut me up?” Megan's voice still has the softness, but there’s a hint of something underneath—a slight tremble that Daniela can’t quite place.

The silence looms over them again. Daniela thinks about all the moments that led to this—and now this—it feels like everything and nothing all at once.

“Not exactly—I mean, yes, it was, but why?” Daniela whispers, and Megan's face contorts into confusion as she ends her statement.

“Why exactly? Why did I do that specifically—to shut you up?” She continues before Megan could speak or react again.

She takes a deep breath before running a hand over her hair, not noticing the way Megan's gaze was following the movement of her arm—face no longer turned to the side.

“Why did I even want to shut you up when—” She closes her eyes shut, as if almost squeezing them. “When I would've loved to hear your voice, your thoughts—no matter how weird they are every chance I get…” Then she opens them again.

Megan's looking directly at her.

“I think—I was just tired.” Daniela swallows, and it gets stuck in her throat as the words she wanted to say fight to be let out.

She sees it—the way a grimace forms on Megan's face, but in a split second it turns into a small smile. Suddenly, she misses the way her eyes would crinkle as her whisker dimples fade into view. 

“I see.” Was the only thing Megan said before pushing herself off the counter and turning to the side, and in that moment, the moon just perfectly eclipsed and her silhouette loomed over her face. Daniela thinks she's about to go blind. 

“Glad that's resolved, huh?” Megan says, and that grimace is back on her face, just a bit longer than a split second.

Daniela nods her head hesitantly. “Yeah.”

Lies.

Megan walks off, and the moon's shine doesn't follow her.

It stayed.

This time Daniela thinks it's no longer that beautiful.

It's just that same old moon.

The eclipse was finished.

The moment where everything was perfectly aligned for her just slipped away right in front of her very eyes.

Then, it's just about a few seconds when Megan walks across Daniela's place in the counter—on her way to her and Lara's shared room—that she thinks she can’t let this go to waste now.

Everything happened too fast.

Daniela was light on her feet but quick enough that she managed to encircle her hand on Megan's wrist.

“I-” Daniela feels her breath slipping away from her every moment she tries to swallow or spit the words out of her throat.

“Megan, I want to say more.” Her opposite hand joins the one encircling Megan's wrist, clasping them together like a prayer.

Megan looks at Daniela dead in the eye, and she sees the silent plea that’s begging for her patience.

"Please,” Daniela whispers, her voice barely audible in the quiet kitchen. Her hands are still wrapped around Megan's wrist, and she's so hyper aware of how it quickens with every second.

For a moment, she thinks that maybe it could be something more. As sweet as it sounds, it rolls off bitter on Daniela's tongue.

The thought of 'maybe’ doesn't sound good to her.

‘Cause now, when she can hear the faint breathlessness in Megan's breathing and the way her pulse quickens as she hangs anticipation in front of her like a bait—a mere 'maybe’ is not enough anymore.

So, she lets the words from her throat rise up to her mouth and out of her lips. “I wasn't just tired.”

Megan stays still but doesn't turn around fully. Just like Daniela, she's had enough of this cat and mouse game they're doing. Hope is a thing that builds you and crushes you at the same time. She needs Daniela to be straightforward now. 

“Then what was it, Dani?”

The nickname sends a shiver down Daniela's spine, just like it always has. Then, her hand slowly opened, finger by finger, unclasping Megan's wrist. So, even if the truth might just be under her palms and pulsing right from Megan's wrist—she didn't want it. If there might be a chance that Megan likes her back, she needs to hear it slip off her tongue and right into her ears.

“I kissed you because I wanted to.”

Then, the words tumbled out again before she could even stop them. Something that just comes naturally when she's face to face with Megan. 

“Because sometimes when you talk, all I can think about is how much I want to kiss you, and when you're close to me like you were in the van, it's much harder to not think about that. It takes everything in me not to pull you closer.”

The silence that follows is deafening. Daniela can hear her own heartbeat echoing in her ears and can feel the weight of her confession settling between them like a physical thing.

Megan is still standing there, her back partially turned, and Daniela wishes she could see her face—wishes she could read what's going through her mind right now.

“How long?” Megan's voice is barely above a whisper, but in the quiet kitchen, it might as well be a shout.

Daniela lets out a shaky breath. “I don't know exactly. Maybe since that night in the kitchen during our trainee days? Or maybe it was during one of our monthly evaluations when you smiled at me right before I went on to perform. And... a lot more moments that I could count and recall.” She pauses, gathering her courage. “I just know that today when I was trying to find the answer to my own action, I thought of you—of us, and everything finally made sense.”

Finally, Megan turns around fully. Daniela sees something in her eyes that makes her heart skip—something that looks a lot like everything she's been waiting for.

“And you're not just saying this because you feel bad about the kiss—about me and my reaction and—?” Megan asks, and there's a vulnerability in her voice that makes Daniela's chest ache.

“No,” Daniela says firmly, taking a step closer. “I'm saying this because I've been wanting to say it for so long, and I'm tired of pretending that my heart doesn't race every time you laugh, or that I don't look for you first whenever we finish a performance, or that I don't miss you even when you're just in the other room.”

Megan's eyes widen slightly, and Daniela watches as her lips part in surprise. Then, slowly, those whisker dimples that Daniela loves so much begin to appear.

“You know,” Megan starts, and there's a tremor in her voice that wasn't there before: “All those times I couldn't sleep and found you in the kitchen? I wasn't always just anxious about performances. I mean I was, but—” She takes a small step forward, closing the distance between them. “Sometimes I just hoped that I could see you and maybe all the nerves would go away.”

The confession hits Daniela like a wave, washing away all her doubts and fears. She feels lightheaded, almost dizzy with relief and joy, and something else—something that feels a lot like falling but in the best possible way.

“Really?” It's Daniela's turn to whisper now, afraid that speaking too loudly might break whatever spell has fallen over them.

Megan nods, and that smile—that beautiful, bright smile that Daniela has fallen in love with countless times—spreads across her face. “Really. Why do you think I talk so much when I'm around you? Half the time I'm just trying to keep you with me a little longer.”

A laugh bubbles up from Daniela's chest, soft and warm. “And here I was, thinking I needed to find ways to make you stop talking.”

“Well,” Megan says, and there's a playful glint in her eye now, “your method was quite effective.”

Daniela feels her cheeks flush, but she doesn't look away. Not this time. Instead, she reaches out slowly, giving Megan time to pull away if she wants to. But Megan doesn't move—if anything, she leans in closer as Daniela's hand comes up to cup her cheek.

“Can I…” Daniela starts, but before she can finish, Megan is already nodding.

This time when their lips meet, it's not rushed or unexpected. It's soft and deliberate, filled with all the words they've been holding back. Megan's hands come up to rest on Daniela's shoulders, and Daniela can feel her smile against her lips.

She pulls away slightly, just enough to whisper the words that remain stuck in her throat. “I'm in love with you, Megan. Is that okay?” And she couldn't help the tear that fell down on her cheek. Megan catches it, wiping it away before pressing a kiss on the same spot.

“I'm in love with you too, Daniela. Is that okay too?” Daniela nods eagerly, laughing through her tears, and pulling Megan into another soft chaste kiss. She could taste a faint saltiness from her tears, but the sweetness of Megan’s lips overpowers everything her senses are trying to discern.

When they pull apart, the kitchen is quiet again, but it's a different kind of quiet now—peaceful, content. The moonlight streams through the window, painting everything in silver, and it looks beautiful—breathtaking almost. Daniela thinks that maybe they're just the beginning of something that's far more beautiful than she could've ever imagined. As she looks at the smile that is plastered on Megan's face and the light blush painting her cheeks.

She can't wait to get started.

Daniela leans in again for another kiss, and Megan, having the same idea, was already ready to meet her halfway.

Notes:

happy holidays! i hope you enjoyed that cause i definitely enjoyed writing it.