Chapter Text
Okay Marlene: Sirius and Mary are a thing. Of course they are! Two of the most popular people in our year — makes perfect sense. Did you really think Mary would like you back? No. Stop being foolish. You’re better than this.
Marlene decided to focus on her schoolwork. She stopped whispering with Mary during class and started taking more notes. She spent late afternoons studying with Lily and early nights studying with Remus.
“Are you okay Marlene?” Lily asks one day on their way to the library.
“Yeah, why?”
“You seem a bit closed off lately.”
“There’s just a lot in school.”
“Okay. Tell me if I can help.”
Lily was also busy with Head Girl duties, so Marlene started to spend a lot of time with Remus.
She had never met someone with scars all over their body, and was a bit scared of Remus at first. But if you don’t bother Remus, he doesn’t bother you. And he turns out to be clever, funny and kind, in his own ways.
One day, Remus and Marlene is studying late in the library. It’s quiet; not a lot of students are there. Someone walks in and Marlene looks up. It’s Dorcas. She smiles at Marlene, and walks towards her.
“Can I sit here?”
“Uh, yeah! Sure.”
“Thanks. I’m Dorcas, by the way.” She reaches out her hand. “Don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.”
“No, we haven’t.” Marlene takes her hand. “I’m Marlene.”
“Marlene,” Dorcas says. “That’s a nice name.”
“Thanks. You too! I mean, Dorcas is a nice name as well.”
Dorcas smiles. Marlene feels Remus’s eyes on her.
“Right,” she says. “This is Remus Lupin.”
“Hi,” Dorcas nods.
“Hello,” Remus says, returning to his book.
“I won’t disturb you; just wanted to say hi.”
She put her bag on the bench and started taking out her books, notes and quill. Marlene noticed she had a lot of pins on the bag — one of them an inverted pink triangle. Marlene’s heart skips a beat. She wants to say something, but can’t.
“Is that a Bowie pin?” She says instead, pointing at another button.
Remus’s head tilts up.
“Yes,” Dorcas says. “I love his music.”
“How do you know muggle music?” Marlene asks bluntly.
“My mum’s a muggle. I’m half-blood.”
Must be tough in Slytherin, Marlene thinks, but doesn’t say anything.
“Me too,” Marlene says. “But it’s my dad who’s the muggle.”
“Do you like Bowie?” Dorcas asks.
“Yes, but I like Billy Joel and Elton John more.”
“I haven’t listened to a lot of their music,” Dorcas says: “I’ll have to do that sometime.”
“Piano Man is my favourite album of all time,” Marlene says. “I always have the cassette tape with me.”
“Should we listen to it now?”
“Oh,” Marlene is taken aback by her forwardness. “Uh—I actually don’t have it with me now. Sorry, I was exaggerating.”
“No worries. Another time.”
Dorcas opens her book and starts reading.
Another time, Marlene thinks. What does that mean?
A couple of days after that, Marlene is studying with James in the common room. She can’t focus, her head is elsewhere:
“What do you know about Dorcas Meadowes?”
James looks up from his book.
“The Slytherin beater? I think she used to be a seeker, ’cause she’s quick on her feet, but she’s also a good team player and didn’t like to hang around—”
“What do you know about her, besides Quidditch?”
“Oh,” James smiles. “Of course. Uh, not much I suppose? She’s Head Girl, pretty laid-back, but seems to be clever. I think she’s friends with Regulus, since they’re both on the Quidditch team. Why?”
“No reason.”
Marlene tries to go back to studying, but she feels James’s eyes on her.
“I’ve bumped into her and talked a little with her,” Marlene offers. “She seems cool.”
“Okay.”
James keeps looking at her, patiently. Marlene is dying to tell someone, but she’s not ready.
“Can we compare notes from yesterday’s Transfiguration lesson?”
James takes the hint and they go back to studying. But Marlene feels like the air has thickened. Maybe she’s only imagining it. But maybe, it’ll be better if she tells someone. She’s been alone with this secret since fourth year and it’s starting to get really lonely.
Marlene looks at James, the boy whose hazel eyes are framed by round glasses, with black, untidy hair that sticks up in the back.
He notices her watching him and looks up:
“What?”
“You know Elton John?” Marlene begins, dipping her toes in the water.
“You’ve mentioned him, yes.”
“He had a cover story last year, for Rolling Stones.”
James furrows his eyebrows.
“Rolling stones?”
“The magazine? Right, it’s a muggle thing. Sometimes I forget you’re pureblood.”
James smiles:
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Anyway: in this cover story, he said that he is bisexual.”
“Okay.”
“Meaning he likes girls and boys.”
“I understand.”
Marlene tries to detect how James feels about this, but he’s impossible to read. She realises that he won’t ask her: she has to say it.
Marlene takes a deep breath, and looks down at her hands. The skin around her left thumb’s fingernail has loosened, and she’s nervously picking at it.
“I think,” Marlene says, “I think I might, be like him. Or, I think I like girls. That way.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? What does that mean?”
“Nothing. Just ‘oh’.”
Marlene stares at him.
“What do you think?” She pushes.
“What I think?” James frowns. “What do you think?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why does it matter what I think? It’s your life.”
Marlene didn’t know what to say.
“You’re my friend,” she says after a while.
“Well,” James pushes up his glasses. “I think it’s great.”
“You do?”
“Yeah! Very rock’n’roll.”
Marlene snorts.
“I suppose.”
They sit in silence for a while.
“Thank you,” Marlene says, meeting James’s eyes. “For being understanding.”
“Of course.”
Marlene smiles, unsure how to handle this situation. She had imagine so many scenarios in her head, most ending in catastrophe.
“So,” James rests his head on his knuckles. “Meadowes?”
Marlene’s cheeks grow hot.
“I don’t know. Maybe?”
“She’s pretty. Have you talked to her?”
“Not much. I bumped into her. Like, literally bumped in to her.”
“Solid. Well, I’m not sure I’m the best to ask for flirting advice: I’ve been after the same girl since first year. You should talk to Sirius, or Mary.”
“They don’t know.”
“No?”
“You’re the first one I’ve told.”
James’s eyes soften.
“Well, I’m honoured. But they’ll be good about it. Otherwise I’ll beat them up.”
“Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
The first weeks of school have flown by. One evening at the end of September, Sirius suggests a trip to Hogsmeade for a butterbeer at The Three Broomsticks.
“It’s late,” Lily says. “We can’t leave the grounds.”
“Come on Evans,” James says. “We deserve a break from all our hard work.”
“Well, even if I wanted to, we can’t.”
James, Sirius, Remus and Peter exchange a look.
“Lads?” James asks.
“Fine,” Remus says, Sirius and Peter nodding.
“What?” Mary raises an eyebrow.
James puts together his hands and rests his fingertips on his chin.
“What if we told you,” he says, “that we know a secret way to Hogsmeade?”
“What?” Lily says.
“Really?” Mary grins.
“Really,” Sirius says.
Sirius has his head in Mary’s lap, and she’s playing with his hair. She used to play with Marlene’s hair all the time, but she’s stopped now. Maybe because Marlene has distanced herself from Mary, but that’s just because it hurts to be around her. She knows it’s unfair. Mary hasn’t done anything, but Marlene doesn’t know what else to do.
The seven of them walked to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom and down the stairs. They stopped at a statue of a witch. Sirius threw a look over both shoulders to check that the corridor is empty. He brought out his wand and tapped the statue’s hump with it:
“Dissendium!”
The hump opened up to reveal a passageway.
“How long have you known about this?” Lily says, arms crossed.
“Come on Evans,” James nudges his elbow in her side. “We’re off duty.”
“Let’s go!” Sirius says, grabbing Mary’s hand and leading her into the passageway.
It feels like someone punches Marlene in the gut. She’s jealous: she wants someone to grab her hand that naturally, to show her affection that comfortably in public. Will she ever get that?
James, Peter and Lily are quick to follow Sirius and Mary. Marlene looks at Remus, who also seems like he’s come off his trail.
“I need a butterbeer,” he says, sounding miserable.
“Come on then.”
Marlene grabs his arm and they enter the passageway.