Archive of Our Own ^beta

Despite the heaviness in Julia’s eyes, the crunch of the stiff grass allowed her to open them just enough to see a person sitting beside her.

“Kamille?” She hummed, softly reaching out her hand. “Did you get water?”

“Nope. It’s just Sahed.” He glanced down at her. “She’s grabbing some now, I’m just keeping an eye on ya.”

Julia rolled over onto her side, slightly propping herself up. Sahed inched away to the side, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re not going to throw up, are you?” He smirked. “If so, you better not get it on my clothes.”

“I’m not! I’m perfectly sober.” Julia smirked, looking him in the eyes.

Sahed looked away at the party closer to the circus. “Are you, now?”

“Mhm!”

“Prove it.”

The silence after that statement carried on for a few seconds. He waited, idly tapping the edge of the blanket she was on, still observing the circus. She must've not heard me.

"Can you pr-" He stopped speaking when he felt Julia’s fingers softly brush over his own, his heart freezing.

“I’m glad you’re here, y’know?” Julia smiled softly, too focused on his hand to notice him practically gawking at her.

“Yeah? W-why’s that?” He cleared his throat, hoping she wouldn’t notice the slight stutter.

“‘Cause I know you don’t like parties, just like me. I only came here to see you.”

Sahed’s eyes widened. Softly, he took a deep breath and held it. His heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. “Wow. Um… any reason why?”

It can’t be because… he glanced at her, hand over her mouth and eyes staring at his chest. No, it probably is. He leaned closer to Julia, hooked a hand softly around her arm, and pulled it away from her mouth. “You can tell me. You’ve told me that you’ve gotta kill Anthonn, there’s not many bigger secrets than that.”

“Ohhhhh my gosh…” her face turned red as she stared at his hand holding her arm. She pulled her arm back slowly and grabbed his hand with her own. “You gotta promise to tell, like, nobody… not even Kam or Rainah.”

“I promise I won’t tell any of them.”

She tightens her hand around his own. “I’m only saying this ‘cause I feel, like, really good right now… buttttt… IthinkIlikeyou.”

Sahed’s eyes widened as he stared at her. She stared back, her pupils dilating as they made eye contact.

“Well, shit, girl,” he huffed, running a hand through his hair.

“Oh…” Julia looked down, sort of melting into the ground.

“What’s that for?”

She ran her hand softly over the blanket. “Do, um, you..?”

He laughed awkwardly, leaning towards her. “What do you think- and before you respond, consider everything. How close I am to others in the circus, how often I talk to them, the fact I’m sitting next to you as you’re so drunk you’re not going to remember this…”

“I’m gonna remember this!” Julia huffed, raising her hand in the air. She lowered it back down as she looked Sahed in the eyes. “So…”

“Yes,” he lowered his head to rest on his arms, trying to keep his voice monotone. “I do like you.”

“Oh my goshhhhhhh,” she droned, stretching out on her back like a cat. “I can’t believe it!”

Neither could Rainah, Sahed rolled his eyes. She was probably going to tell Julia soon if I didn’t… 

He was snapped from his thoughts as he felt the fabric of his pants move. He looked down and saw Julia rubbing the loose fabric in her hands. The pants hung loose on him and she had a bit of the fabric near his ankle, but it still made him freeze.

“I still have the clothing you gave me in Aspett,” she smiled softly. “Sometimes I wear them to bed and Kamille teases me about it…”

“If you ever want more, you can always stop by and stay the night.”

She froze, processing what he just said, then widened her eyes. “Stay the night? I couldn’t- where could I even sleep?”

“In my bed. It’s quite comfortable if you ask me.”

Red tinted her cheeks. “I dunno. I keep snoring and Kamille said she’s gonna put a pillow over my face as I sleep so the others can.”

Sahed stifled a laugh, “Well, I can tell you that drinking can cause you to snore- or gives you a higher chance. If you’re not gonna stay the night with me, let’s live it up before Kamille suffocates you.”

He grabbed her hand, gently pulling her up.

“C'mon. Let’s go dance. You seemed to be enjoying it earlier.”

Julia stumbled up, and Sahed put a hand on her shoulder to steady her. 

“I don’t think I should be dancing…” she yawned. “I hardly know how to, and the whole world is spinning around me.”

“Nobody said it had to be anything fancy,” she squeezed her hand softly and lifted the other to his shoulder. “You just keep your hand here, and I’ll put mine here.” He put his free hand on her waist, just above her hip. “And then we can just do our own thing.”

She was silent but her hand stayed on his shoulder, the other clamped tightly around his own. She had an iron grip on him, refusing to let go, and staring at the ground and their feet.

I feel like my hand is going to lose circulation, she’s grabbing on as if I’m the only thing to hold onto…

Sahed pulled the hand holding hers back, causing Julia to stumble closer to him. She inhaled sharply, pulled out of her thoughts, and looked up at him. She was mere centimeters away from his chest.

“You looked lost. And you were grabbing my hand so tightly, you’d think I was the only thing keeping ya grounded.” He dragged her away from the crowd, going towards an empty seating area. 

Julia flopped down on a cushion in front of a chair. Sahed sat on the chair, tapping her shoulder.

“If everything is spinning around you, you should probably sit up.” He tapped her shoulder. 

She straightened up, leaning back towards Sahed. “I just feel like I’m spinning more now,” she sighed, rubbing her eye.

“That’s cause you just went from lying down to sitting up in just a moment.” He snorted, leaning towards her. Energy buzzed through him as he wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head. His heart swelled with warmth as Julia leaned back and lifted a hand to softly run her nails along his sleeve. 

“Your clothes are always so soft…” she murmured. “Do you think I’ll ever get soft clothes? Kamille doesn’t make many outfits right now, she’s taking a break to do something.”

Sahed made a mental note to ask about whatever Kamille was doing- right now, he wanted to keep the conversation about something more simple. 

Plus, if she thinks Kamille is drawing away from her, she might cry. He glanced down at her, hugging her. She’s already somewhat drunk, there’s no need to get her upset. 

“I dunno.” He said, goosebumps creeping on his arm as her nails ran over his sleeve. “If you want softer clothing, you can always borrow some of mine.”

Julia gasped, slightly turning her body and moved her head to face him. “Oh my gosh! I still have your clothing from Aspett!” She giggled, moving her hair away from her face. “I totally forgot to give it back- I’m sorry! It is really soft, though… I’ve thought about using it as pajamas but I feel like Kamille would never let me hear the end of it.” She kept giggling, the hair falling back on her face. 

He smiled at the mental image of her sleeping in his clothing. Would she roll up the sleeves and pants as she did earlier? How many buttons would be done? Would there be enough undone to show the fine collarbones of her neck, the shirt hanging loosely off of it? Warmth crept onto his face as he thought more. 

“So? Wear them. If they’re comfortable, you can have ‘em. Hey, how about this? Come to me tomorrow when you wake up- I don’t care what time it is, I’ll be there. I’ll give you some of my old clothing I no longer need.”

“Okay. Did you grow out of them?” She chuckled. 

“You realize we stop aging when we join the circus, right? I’d hope you realize after 6 months.”

“I know, I know.” She pressed her back against him again. “I just didn’t know if your clothing grew with you when you changed your size.”

Sahed raised an eyebrow. “Changed my size?”

“Yeah, like when you stopped that guard from beating up Rainah all those months ago…” she tugged at his sleeve, trying to roll it up. “Don’t you have a seal for that? How far do your tattoos go on your arm?”

“Is this an excuse to just look at me?” He teased, moving her hair out of her face.

Her eyes widened as a darker shade of red covered her face and she instantly dropped her hands off his sleeve and onto her lap. Sahed laughed, grabbing her face in his hands, and pressed a kiss against her head. 

“Relax, I didn’t say that it was an issue,” he grinned. 

“No, but you always just say it so… straight up! With, like, no hesitation!” Julia complained. “Do you always have to be like that?”

He snorted. “You’re the one who said you liked me first- you didn’t even attempt to hide it.”

“It’s ’cause I feel good right now.”

“The alcohol made you feel good. I’m sure when you’ll wake up you’ll be all red and complaining that you even did this. And then you’ll realize I told you to come over and visit me.”

Julia sighed, leaning into Sahed’s chest again.

The smirk in his voice was impossible to miss. “And come over wearing the clothing I gave you in Aspett. You wear those well, pretty girl.”