Archive of Our Own ^beta

The second year architecture studio had mid-reviews in just over a week, which meant that Etho and Bdubs were working at their desks. They were both working on parts of their projects that didn’t need too much brain power, so they’ve been talking while working for the past few hours. As they hit a lull in the conversation, Bdubs turned to Etho.

“Hey, Etho, can I ask you a question?”

“You just did, but yeah sure.”

“Okay, you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to. If it’s none of my business, just tell me that and we can move on and I will never ask again, yeah?”

“Now you’re making me nervous.” Etho chuckled.

“Can I ask how you got your scar?” If Etho wasn’t nervous a second ago, he certainly was now.

“Oh. Um-”

“If it’s not my business, it’s fine. I was just curious and if I’m overstepping I’m sorry and I won’t ask again.” Bdubs’ words came out fast. Etho had never heard him back down from anything ever, so the fact that he did so quickly as soon as Etho was uncomfortable warmed his heart.

“Hey, it’s fine Bdubs, you aren’t overstepping. It’s just not a very pleasant story. I don’t know if you actually want to hear it.”

“If that’s a way to tell me that you don’t want to tell it, then that’s fine and you don’t have to. No pressure. But if that was your way of warning me, then that’s fine and I’ll listen if you’re willing to share it.” Etho hadn’t fully realized how much he grew to trust Bdubs over the past month and a half, but he certainly noticed after his next words came out of his mouth.

“Okay. Yeah, I’ll tell you. Um, yeah. So basically, I used to have a friend named Joel.”

-

Etho and Joel met in fifth grade. Despite their contrasting personalities, they became practically inseparable. While Etho was normally quieter and tended to keep to himself, Joel was able to bring out Etho’s louder side. He taught Etho how to have fun while Etho taught Joel how to think before he acted. Over their nine years of friendship, they both became better people because of each other.

Etho and Joel ended up following different paths out of high school. Etho decided to go to college for architecture. Joel decided to take a gap year to work. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with his life yet, so he would take some time to himself to work and figure it out.

Etho didn’t go home much, it was difficult to do so when he didn’t have a car and lived about two hours away. He kept in touch with Joel and a few other friends over the school year by making frequent phone calls. They would talk for hours almost every night. It was nice for both of them. Most of Joel’s friends had left town and Etho still didn’t have any real friends at college, but he heard that Beef would be transferring next year, so his thoughts about dropping out were kept at bay.

Every time Etho was home, he and Joel were inseparable. Joel practically lived at Etho’s house when he was in town. Both of them knew that the other was struggling more than they let on, but they were never the type of friends who told each other about all of their issues. Maybe if they were, everything could have somehow been avoided.

The school year went by in a flash. In April, Joel moved to a different house. Not far away, but far enough that everything would be more difficult. They hung out a lot the first week Etho was back from college, but after that, they saw each other a lot less often.

In early July, Etho got his own car. His grandma had stopped driving, so she gave it to him. Etho cleaned the car, made it presentable, and the next day, he picked up Joel so they could hang out.

As soon as Joel stepped into his car, Etho realized that something was wrong. Joel was talking weird and seemed very out of it. Etho wasn’t sure what exactly was going on, so he just assumed that Joel was very intoxicated and brought them to his house. Looking back, Etho should’ve asked Joel about what was going on, but Etho still doesn’t know if he would’ve done anything differently after that would change the outcome.

Their plan was to grab smoothies, but Etho had forgotten his money at home, so they had to stop by there first.

When Etho got back to his house, he told Joel to wait in the car and that he would be back in a minute. Joel’s next words were permanently imprinted in Etho’s brain.

“What do you mean? Are you seriously leaving me? Again? Etho, I thought we were friends.”

With that, Etho only remembers pain on the left side of his face.

He didn’t remember anything besides the pain until he woke up in the hospital. The doctor told him that he had been stabbed in the eye and would not be able to see out of it again. When Etho asked his parents about what happened, they told him that a frantic Joel got them, told them that Etho was hurt, wouldn’t explain anything except that they had to take Etho to the hospital, and in all of the panic, he left quickly. Etho still hasn’t told them the full story.

When Etho finally checked his phone a few days later, he found many texts from Joel. Most of them were apologies and him saying that he had no idea what came over him. Many of them were incoherent ramblings. The most recent text was from the day after the incident, telling him that he was checking himself into a mental hospital.

-

“Uh, so yeah, I think that’s most of the story.” The entire time Etho was telling the story, he didn’t look at Bdubs. He wanted to keep it together, and knew he wouldn’t be able to if he was looking at a person. Bdubs didn’t say anything the whole time, so Etho had no idea what he was thinking. When turned back to him, Bdubs had the most pained expression on his face.

“Etho, oh my god, I’m so sorry. That’s awful. And that was this past summer?” Bdubs’ voice was more quiet than Etho’s ever heard it before. Etho knew that if he continued looking at him, he would break down, so he turned away to look at his now-off computer.

“Yeah, it was this summer. The scar’s still a jumpscare whenever I look in the mirror.” Etho chuckled grimly.

“Yeah, I bet. Thanks for sharing the story with me, I know it couldn’t have been easy. Can I ask questions, or is that all that you want me to know. Either option is fine, there’s no pressure, if you’re done, then that’s okay.”

“You can ask questions.”

“Okay. Thank you. What was going on with Joel, was he okay?”

“Yeah, there was a lot of stuff going on. He went to the mental hospital and they diagnosed him with a bunch of stuff. He’s doing better now. He’s still struggling a lot, but he has people who are helping him.”

“Okay, that’s good. How do you know all of that, do you still talk to him?”

“It’s complicated. I’ve spoken to him a few times since. It’s really weird for both of us, I’m sure. When we were both in a not terrible place, we talked about it all for a few hours. He said that he would understand if I never wanted to see him again.” Etho sniffled. He held it together for longer than he thought he would.

“Bdubs, I wish that I never wanted to see him again. I know that he tried to kill me, but it really wasn’t him. It wasn’t actually his fault. It wasn’t even his actual choice, so I can’t even get myself to be mad at him. It sounds stupid, but nine years of friendship and he only tried to kill me one time.” Etho’s tears were rolling down his face. He decided that he couldn’t save his dignity either way, so he turned away from his blank computer towards Bdubs. “If I could just forget nine years of friendship and move on, I would. It would make everything a lot easier.”

“It sure would.” Bdubs reached towards Etho’s face and wiped away his tears. He then pulled him into a hug. Etho quickly deteriorated into full sobs, clinging to the back of Bdubs’ hoodie. Bdubs ran one of his hands through Etho’s hair.

Etho couldn’t hear any of the words Bdubs was whispering into his ears, but he was thankful for them either way. He started to feel light headed before noticing a tapping on his cheek. Bdubs pulled back a bit, just enough so they could make eye contact, despite the fact that Etho was clutching onto him with all his might. Now that Etho could see Bdubs’ mouth, he was finally able to make out some of his words.

“You’ve gotta breathe, buddy. Take big breaths, yeah? You’re going to pass out soon if you don’t.” Etho tried to take in a breath, but his body kept pushing it out as soon as it went in.

“Bdubs, help,” Etho was able to gasp out.

“It’s okay, you’re all good. It’ll be okay. Try to breathe with me. You’re doing great. In. and out.” As Bdubs coached Etho through breathing, he eventually calmed down enough to feel in control again. Etho had no idea how long it had been, but it was long enough to leave him exhausted. Etho slumped over into Bdubs, who caught him and held him in a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry, Bdubs.”

“Hey, no, none of that. You have nothing to apologize for. Thank you for telling me about all of that, and I’m sorry if I pushed you too far. I’m glad that you’re okay.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s just a tough situation, is all.”

“Yeah, that’s all. No big deal or anything, just a tough situation.” Etho let out a laugh.

“Exactly, now you’re getting it.” The two of them laughed at that.

“Let’s get you home now, it’s late and I’m sure you’re tired after all of that. We can work on our projects tomorrow.”

The two of them gathered their things and walked back to their dorms. The walk back was filled with quiet chatter. Eventually, they got back and were saying their goodnights when Etho felt the need to mention one last thing.

“Hey, Bdubs. I want you to know that the only reason I didn’t want to be your friend at the beginning of the semester was because of all of the Joel stuff. I never disliked you, I just didn’t think I was ready to have new people in my life after all of that. I’m really glad that we’re friends.”

Bdubs’ face broke into a soft smile.

“Thanks for being willing to try with people again. I’m glad we’re friends too.”