Chapter Text
“So how are you and Khun Nueng?” Her mother asked her as she continued, skillfully blending the ingredients in the curry. Apparently, Anueng wasn't taking care of herself well enough, so the older woman paid her a morning visit, nagging at her for sleeping in late.
Anueng munched on a small piece of carrot as she watched her mother cook and replied.
“We are doing good. It’s a slow process not gonna lie, but we are gradually working it out” Piengfa chuckled in amusement.
“Oh, are you saying you haven’t jumped into the woman’s bones already” She paused. “Or her bed if I am putting it more precisely” Anueng choked on her carrot and coughed while glaring at the elder woman.
“Mae! Wh-what?”
“What? We all know how fast you move when it comes to that woman honey, stop acting so innocent.” Anueng scoffed and rolled her eyes.
“Well y’all thought wrong, we haven’t done anything rather adventurous” She paused. “In fact, we haven’t even shared a kiss”
“You haven’t?!” Piengfa dramatically puts down the lid of the pan and exclaims. Anueng felt her cheeks warming up.
It’s been a week since the amusement park date. Even though they spent countless amount of time with each other this past week both of them restrained themself from any kind of intimacy. Content with conversations and coffee dates.
Sometimes Anueng visited the palace sometimes the latter visited her apartment. The past week went smoothly and joyfully, but it wouldn’t be a lie if Anueng said her self-control was hanging by a thread.
“Why? Is it that surprising?” She continued looking up at her mother curiously.
“Yes of course it is” Piengfa replied rolling her eyes. “Who are you and what have you done to my daughter?” The woman uttered in disbelief as she took off the lid from the pan checking the curry inside.
“Oh shut up Mae” She huffed out and continued munching the carrot a little too harshly than she did a few moments ago. She heard the woman chuckle in front of her.
A comfortable silence enveloped them. Even though their mother-daughter relationship still has a long way to go, she found a friend in her mother, a safe place. It took her some time to forgive the latter. But she did, and every day she is getting more and more grateful that she did.
“Mae?” She called her mother softly. The woman hummed her reply.
“Have you-” Anueng hesitated and continued. “Have you ever regretted not reaching out to me?” She blurted out and swallowed. “You know all those years ago, you never really came to see me and talked to me that much.”
She didn’t know why this was a question she always wanted to ask her mother. She never did, somehow she dreaded the woman’s answer. But why is she asking it now? She didn’t know.
Piengfa froze for a moment and looked down trying to collect her thoughts. She let out a sigh and turned the flame to low. The woman slowly walked towards her, standing beside her she leaned on the counter.
“Is that even a question?” Her mother said her voice full of remorse. “I regret it every day Nueng, every moment I spent with you I blame myself for never watching you growing up into the incredible woman you have become. I will ask for your forgiveness forever if I could, if I could turn back in time I would have fought my mother with everything to take you with me.”
Anueng swallowed the lump in her throat and leaned her head on her mother’s shoulders. “What was it like?”
“What was what like?”
“To have a daughter at such a young age.” Piengfa paused, her gaze turning doubtful.
“Do you want to hear the truth?”
Anueng nodded her head. Piengfa sighed and looked away, her expression turning thoughtful.
“It was hard, people don’t take easy on teenage pregnancies. Everyone will judge you, some will look at you in pity while others will have already condemned you for the worst, giving you dirty looks everywhere you go, as if you are someone who is tainted. It wasn’t a great feeling.” She finished and sighed.
“I think there was a time I hated you so much for that.” She confessed. Anueng felt her heart clench a little when she heard that. “But now I am probably one of the happiest mothers out there, I wouldn't lie. You have no idea how much you make me proud Nueng.”
Piengfa smiled at her, Anueng returning it in favor. For a moment she let the words of her mother coddle her heart.
“Can I ask you one more thing?” She let out after a pause, now a little more curious.
“You can ask me anything”
“Why haven’t you ever said anything against Ar Nueng and me” Piengfa chuckled.
“Who said I haven’t? Ask your Ar Nueng” Anueng raised her head and frowned at her mother.
“You did?” Piengfa nodded guiltily.
“What did you say to her?” She demanded.
“Nothing, it is between us adults”
“Mae!” She yelled. Piengfa chuckled and grabbed her hands.
“You cannot blame me for that okay, like put yourself in my shoes Nueng, how would you react if your daughter is dating your friend? Especially if the said friend literally told you to abort your kid?”
Anueng blushed when she heard that. “Well, when you put it like that,”
“Sounds weird doesn’t it?” She hesitantly nodded and sighed. She knew how the love they shared would look from an outsider’s point of view, but she never realized why it had to be so difficult, why she had to be so apologetic for who she chose to fall in love with. It's none of their business, right?
“It’s not fair you know” She blurted out, making Piengfa frown.
“What is?”
“None of this Mae, Ar Nueng was a practical stranger to me when I first met her, someone who made a living out of paintings on the small corner of a flea market. Me and her weren’t connected to each other in any way. I didn’t fall in love with a Mom Luang, didn't fall in love with my mother’s friend or my father’s ex-fiance. I fell for her thinking she was some ordinary grumpy person who hated everyone and everything. And when I first met her, nothing ever felt so right to me, until you and father came into the picture making our love feel so tainted, so wrong.” She paused and looked towards her mother who looked at her with guilt-ridden eyes.
“Sometimes I think what if I hadn’t been born as your daughter, would we be in this much of a mess? Would Ar Nueng be reluctant to fight for me, for our love? What if in another universe we were just two strangers who never had any connection with each other? Would people still think of us as something so loathsome?”
Piengfa didn’t say anything for a moment, she stood there gathering her thoughts.
“You are right maybe if it was the case whatever you both had wouldn’t be seen as something that bad.” She paused. “But it doesn’t mean people won’t talk,” Piengfa let out a sigh.
“There will be people who will still give you dirty looks Anueng, people like your grandmother and father. You do know that the main reason why they hate your relationship is because of homophobia right? And we cannot ignore the age gap you have too. The thing is the people will talk no matter what. The best way is to ignore them, and live your life the way you want” She smiled at her daughter and continued.
“And about Khun Nueng not fighting for you, I don’t think you fully understood the main reason why that woman didn’t do it”
“What do you mean?”
“She just didn’t want you to go through whatever she has been through”
“Huh?”
Piengfa sighed and gave her a sad smile. “Look I am not defending Khun Nueng but have you ever asked yourself why Khun Nueng, someone who has never given a care about society, who despised everyone and everything with her whole self never fought for you?”
Anueng frowned and blinked. “Because she didn’t want to offend you?”
“Maybe” Pienfa nodded. “But also she didn’t want to ruin your family”
“What?” The older woman sighed.
“Look at us now Nueng, remember when we used to act at least like a proper family, even though it was messy, the four of us you, your grandmother, your father, and me did have a good relationship with each other. Now it is gone after the whole reveal of your relationship and Khun Nueng probably blames herself for that." Piengfa paused and fiddled with her fingers nervously.
"This was what she was afraid of mainly, you losing your family because of her. She never had any parents around her Nueng, she only had her grandmother just like you did. She just didn't want you to lose a support system you finally got because of her. And in a way you still did, even though she sacrificed her own happiness to not let it happen.”
“So, all she wanted was for me to have a whole family” Suddenly she remembered how the woman always warned her and tried to make her understand how much revealing their relationship would cost, like always she ignored it and forced Khun Nueng out of her comfort zone.
That’s how they ended up in this whole mess anyway. She sighed.
“Khun Nueng” Piengfa started. “Is a complex person, even when she was young she was really hard to read. And as much as weird it would probably sound to you, that was the reason I felt so intrigued by her. That’s why I fell for her all those years ago.” The older woman said awkwardly making Anueng sigh and let out a chuckle.
“You are right it is indeed weird” Piengfa laughed at that.
“Not as weird as dating the person who gave your mother hematinic to abort you”
“Mae?!” The woman had the audacity to cackle at that making Anueng shake her head and let out a scoff in disbelief.
“You are really annoying”
There was a beat, a lull in their conversation with both of their laughter gradually dying down into silence. Suddenly a thought popped into her head.
“Do you think?” She paused. “Do you think Father hates us more because he felt heartbroken by Ar Nueng? You know with him being in love with her and everything?”
“Chet being in love with her” Piengfa chuckled incredulously. “Is that what you think he had for her?” Anueng hesitantly nodded.
“Tell me Nueng, if the person you love left you at the altar in front of the gaze of a thousand people wouldn’t you be at least a little heartbroken? Chet never was heartbroken and instead of letting her go, he started tailing after her, always ignoring her rejections.” Piengfa shook her head.
“No he wasn’t in love with her, he liked the idea of her. Think about it, having someone like Khun Nueng been your wife. With her title, beauty, and intelligence everyone would admire their bond. For him, she would be a perfect wife for the son of a former prime minister and the perfect daughter-in-law for his family. He was only thinking about it that way”
“But why would someone who was already rejected and humiliated by her in front of the whole of Thailand want her back?”
“Probably because of power, he wanted to show people who looked down on him that he could win her back, or chasing after Khun Nueng was a thrill for him. We would never know.”
Anueng sighed. Piengfa took the opportunity to stand up and grab her daughter.
“Come on, let me check the curry, go grab some plates while I’m at it.” Anueng nodded and let her mother drag her.
***
“What do you mean?”
“What does what mean?”
“I mean why can’t that kid just confess that she is the real Earth and say that she was in love with her,” Anueng rolled her eyes.
“Because she was scared thinking Sun would be disappointed if she heard that Earth wasn’t a guy, Ar Nueng” She huffed out and frowned at the woman.
“Well, that's stupid, because it's way better to just confess than prolonging it and turning it into a bigger mess, right?” Khun Nueng replied coolly, making Anueng roll her eyes.
“Right, coming from someone who always confesses her true feelings out loud,” Anueng retorted, making the taller woman scoff.
“Brat” Khun Nueng exclaimed making Anueng laugh at her. They were once again back in her apartment, as the warm, bright light of the morning sun spread across her living room. Khun Nueng was sitting on the couch where Anueng lay down, her head placed comfortably on the woman’s lap.
The latter softly caressed her hair as Anueng read through a high school romance novel she bought a few days ago. They were gradually becoming the way they once were, with easy teasing and jabs thrown here and there, and the woman heaving a sigh whenever she teased her, everything almost felt like the way it was. Almost.
The thing is Anueng was still reluctant to give her whole self to Khun Nueng. The walls she had put on for four years were unshakable. And Khun Nueng never complained, just let her do whatever she wanted. They were moving entirely at her pace, which was now gradually turning into some kind of torture for her.
Because as time passes by, it is becoming more and more hard for Anueng to not touch the older woman. She wanted her, no scratch that she craved her. She wanted the woman in her arms, wanted to be in the latter’s arms, she needed to kiss her, to love her. But whenever she was on the edge of finally letting herself go, doubts starts to cloud her.
What if Ar Nueng wouldn’t fight for her?
That was what disturbed her the most. She could once again give her love, trust, her everything to the latter’s arms, would the woman do the same thing for her? Would she sacrifice her everything if Anueng told her to do- just like she would if the woman asked her to.
She closed her eyes, telling herself not to think about it. Instead, she let herself bask in the warmth of the woman, who was still continuing her caress on her head. She let out a sigh of contentment as she softly put the book away on the table beside her.
Her moment of solace didn't last longer though, as she was harshly interrupted by a knock on the door.
Anueng sighed who must it be? It wouldn’t be her mother, they talked with each other this morning.
She ignored it. Whoever it was they can go fuck themself. She wasn’t in the mood to socialize anyway. But the knock continued, making Khun Nueng stop fiddling with her hair and poke on her cheek.
“Go on, open the door,” Anueng groaned and rolled her eyes. Getting up from the couch with a huff, she dragged herself towards the door cursing whoever was on the other side.
She lazily opened the door trying to put on a collected look so that she won’t disrespect her guest. Which was soon changed into a frown and a look of displeasure as she saw the person in front of her.
“Father”