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Flower giggled. It was 2am deep into the night and she was supposed to be asleep. But oh well, props to her for not having a functional sleep schedule. Instead of fixing it, she looked at pictures in her gallery. Pictures of this year’s summer. This year’s summer, which passed by so quickly. This summer, which felt like the best moment of her life. She had felt so high, and as if nothing could ever be able to bring her back down again. But reality and winter have taught her otherwise. Now it was December and her depression reached new heights. Or rather, new lows. Therapy was helping but summer has been heaven. It wasn’t the same. Because of course it wasn’t and nothing would ever stay the same.
Flower swiped to the right. A new event and a new wave of pictures. Old pictures, of passed memories. She grinned as she looked at herself surrounded by her friends, all arm in arm looking into the camera. Laughing. Having fun and enjoying life. Just being stupid teenagers doing stupid things. And they felt completed with that. Only that. Only with each other.
She scanned their faces, checking if there was any meme material. Her eyes skimmed over Piko’s first. He was standing right next to her, having his arm over her and Len’s shoulder. He smiled gorgeously, showing his teeth and closing his eyes. No, not entirely. One was closed, one wasn’t. He was winking. And it was cute. She smiled at the sight.
Len’s face on the other hand, was flushed red completely. Mostly because of his stupid red haired flirt, that was hugging him from behind. Stupid teenagers with stupid crushes.
Okay, who was she trying to fool? She was jealous. Yes, outright and stupidly jealous at the fact that her friends were so openly embracing their attractions for eachother. It was miserable and Flower didn’t like this about herself one bit. Jealously was ugly. Especially with something so trivial. Trivial… Was love trivial? Well, in her life it never had played a huge role. But no. No. That was a lie.
No, because she loved her friends. She loved each and every one of them dearly. But those weren’t the same things, right? To love someone and wanting to see them often? To love someone and wanting to hold them and be held by them? To love someone and be accepted by them as a person?
Her thoughts led her nowhere. Flower swiped the picture away. Now two happy faces were beaming at her. Rin and Miku. Now, they clearly loved each other. They were a couple. Two people who have found each other. Would she find someone like that? Someone to love? Someone who would hug her and never let go again? Why was this so important to her…
She swiped the picture again. Gumi frowning at Oliver who sat in the dirt. She couldn’t help but giggle. But this was love too. Smiling at the memory of people you’ve spent time with. Lots of time. And always a great time. She loved how her friends were and she loved seeing them often. She accepted them how they were and they accepted her how she was. It was a great friendship, so, was it love?
Another swipe, another picture. Len and Fukase. Clearly teasing one another. No, clearly flirting. She didn’t outright flirt with her friends, that was something for lovers.
Love and lovers. She loved, but without a lover. Now where was the love there?
Flower shook her head desperately. Trying to clean the chaos her thoughts were leaving behind.
She swiped again. Piko and her. She was holding a bag of fries in her hand and Piko was trying to steal one away. She grinned as she remembered the moment. She always loved to spend time with Piko, he was her closest friend among the group. Of course they were all close as hell, but Piko was that special someone you could share everything with. He also was the friendliest, smartest and probably even the most stable one of all of them. Herself included. And that stability made her feel so secure whenever they were together. In this moment she realized that she was missing him. When would she see him again? Maybe they should all meet at the Christmas market, if you can’t go to the beach anymore. There were still a lot of things that they could do, even if it was December. And even if she was maybe feeling a little depressed. Now Piko would tell her that she should take herself more seriously. And she would have laughed in return and say that yes, she probably should.
She looked closer at the picture, at his face. Yes she liked him. But how much? How much was too much and how much wasn’t too much and how much defined what exactly? It was confusing either way.
Flower slowly swiped to see another picture. Two blond idiots were smiling into the camera. She just knew for a reason, that a certain cyan haired girl and a red haired boy definitely had this picture printed out and hanged up on their bedroom wall. Rin was hugging Len closely and the twins looked far too lovely on the outside, when in reality one was a walking mental illness and the other was an energetic ball of happiness whose energy never ceased to exist. And never meant never, Flower has seen far too many of Rin’s 3am behaviors. But in the end, she loved them too. And they loved each other, and that was also a form of love. Sibling love. Flower didn’t have any siblings but she would be lying if she said that Oliver wasn’t like a younger brother to her. He was the youngest of the group and in their eyes often times still a baby. Even though, he has proven many times that what he’s capable of, exceeds almost everything that the others would be willing to do. So it was safe to say that he was the scariest of them all, when it came down to practical means.
Flower looked at the clock. It was almost exactly 3 am. “Witch hour~” she could hear Fukase say in her head. He said it so often, it had become burned into her brain whenever she thought of that exact time. She remembered how, in the past, they would perform rituals. With candles and everything. To call a ghost that would let your wishes come true or something. They always had to break it up in the middle because they got too scared. Maybe one day they’d finish a ritual like that. Maybe they could do it all together. Wouldn’t that be fun?
Flower decided to quickly add that to their ‘Gang’s To Do List’ before finally going to sleep. She hoped that the sleep would be graceful, and soon be upon her. Before her mind shifted away, she for one last moment thought about love.
Love, and when she would meet it. Love, and who it would be. And love, did she find it already? Yes. Yes, it was love she found and it was love she always had.
It all, was love.