Chapter 1: Hidden Truth
Chapter Text
Lloyd Garmadon stood in front of the mirror in his room at the Monastery of Spinjitzu, eyes tracing the reflection of the person he didn’t always recognize. It was late at night, the cool air of the monastery’s stone walls curling in through the open window. The only light in the room came from the faint glow of the moon, casting shadows over his face. He adjusted his shirt, tugging at the fabric around his chest, but it was always the same. No matter how many times he tried to convince himself otherwise, he could never escape the feeling that he was pretending—pretending to be someone he wasn’t sure he truly was.
Lloyd ran a hand through his hair, the familiar weight of uncertainty pressing against his chest. It had been so long since he’d come to terms with the fact that he was a man, but each passing day only seemed to deepen the questions in his mind. Was he truly a man? Or was this all just some phase—a mistake he’d convinced himself was real?
He couldn’t remember the exact moment he started feeling this way. Maybe it had been gradual, something that had built up over time. It wasn’t that he hated being Lloyd, the Green Ninja, the hero of Ninjago. No, that wasn’t it at all. But in the back of his mind, there was always this nagging doubt, like he was standing on the edge of a precipice, not sure if he’d ever feel whole or accepted in a world that didn’t understand him. The truth was, he didn’t know how to explain it to anyone—not even to himself.
What if I’m not a real man? What if this is all just in my head?
The thoughts swirled in his mind, relentless and crushing. He glanced down at his chest again, feeling the tightness of his shirt against his skin. It wasn’t that he hated his body, but it never felt... right. The way it didn’t align with the image of who he felt he was. It was a secret, the one thing he had kept hidden from everyone, including his closest friends. They didn’t know. No one did. They thought Lloyd was just like them, the same as always, the same Green Ninja they had fought alongside for years.
But they didn’t know that every time they called him “kid” or “son,” it felt like a punch to the gut. It wasn’t their fault, not really, but every word chipped away at his sense of self, reminding him of a truth he had long buried deep inside. He wasn’t a child anymore. He wasn’t the “son” of Garmadon, not really. He was a man, or at least he hoped he was. But every time he thought he was getting closer to understanding who he was, it felt like the world would slip further away.
Lloyd closed his eyes, the weight of it all sinking in. He wasn’t sure what would happen if the others found out. If they knew, would they still accept him? Would they still see him as one of them? Or would he be cast aside, no longer part of their “boys’ club,” because he wasn’t a “real boy”? Would they look at him differently, with pity or disgust? The fear gnawed at him.
He clenched his fists, shaking his head to clear the thoughts, but they wouldn’t go away. What was worse, though, was the thought of his father finding out. Garmadon. Even though Lloyd had changed, even though he was trying to figure things out for himself, there was always that looming shadow of his father’s disapproval. His father, a man who had never shown an ounce of compassion for anyone—least of all his son—would never understand. He would mock him, belittle him, and destroy him for being anything other than what he expected.
The world was already hard enough on people who were different. Lloyd couldn’t imagine the storm that would follow if anyone found out the truth. There were too many dangers. Too many risks. The public’s reaction alone could ruin everything he had worked for—the reputation of the Green Ninja, the bond with his team, his place in the world. And if people knew he was trans, would they see him as a “real man”? Or would they cast him out, like so many others had done before?
The sound of footsteps outside his room broke his thoughts, and he froze. His heart pounded in his chest as he quickly turned to the window, leaning out slightly to glance down the hallway. He heard a faint knock on the door.
Lloyd quickly wiped away any trace of emotion from his face and walked over, opening the door just enough to peek outside. Standing in front of him was Jay, his best friend, looking a little out of breath, but smiling brightly.
“Hey, Lloyd!” Jay greeted with a wave. “You okay? We’re getting ready to do some training, and I thought you might want to join us. You’ve been kinda quiet today.”
Lloyd hesitated. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to join his team, to act like everything was normal, to pretend he wasn’t burdened by the thoughts that tore him apart in the silence of his room. But something about the way Jay had looked at him, the way he saw through the walls Lloyd had built so carefully, made him freeze.
He forced a smile, trying to sound as casual as possible. “Yeah, I’m good. Just… thinking. I’ll be down in a bit.”
Jay raised an eyebrow but nodded, clearly not convinced. “Alright. But hey, if you need anything… You know where to find me, right?”
Lloyd’s chest tightened at the sincerity in his voice. Jay was his best friend. He trusted him more than anyone. But even with that trust, Lloyd couldn’t bring himself to share his secret. Not with anyone. He wasn’t ready to face the consequences. Not yet.
“Thanks, Jay. I’ll be down soon.”
As Jay walked off down the hall, Lloyd felt a pang of guilt gnawing at him. He had never lied to Jay before—not like this. He had always been the one to hold the team together, to be the strong leader they could rely on. But in that moment, he felt like a fraud. The weight of his secret was unbearable, and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to share it.
He walked over to his bed and sat down, burying his face in his hands. What if I’m never truly a part of them? What if they find out and... they don’t want me anymore?
The thought was enough to make him feel like he was suffocating. He was torn between the man he was becoming and the boy everyone else still saw. And he didn’t know how to bridge that gap.
There was a knock on the door again, more urgent this time. Lloyd stood up, wiping his face before opening the door, only to find Kai standing there, arms crossed, his face a mixture of concern and curiosity.
“You sure you’re okay, Lloyd?” Kai asked, his voice softer than usual. “You’ve been acting different lately. We’ve all noticed.”
Lloyd’s heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t sure how to answer. How could he explain what was going on inside his mind when he wasn’t even sure of it himself?
“I’m fine, Kai. Just a little tired, that’s all.”
Kai raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. “You sure about that? Because if something’s bothering you, you know you can talk to us, right?”
Lloyd nodded, forcing a smile, even though it felt like his chest was about to burst open from the weight of everything he was holding in.
“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Kai. I’ll be fine.”
Kai hesitated, but then he stepped back. “Alright. Just... don’t shut us out, okay?”
Lloyd closed the door quietly behind him and leaned against it, letting out a shaky breath. They’ll never understand. How could they?
He didn’t know how much longer he could keep pretending. The fear of being exposed, of losing everything he had fought for, weighed so heavily on him that it felt like it might crush him at any moment. But he couldn’t bring himself to take that first step. Not yet.
Lloyd Garmadon had always been a hero, but this—this was something he didn’t know how to fight.
And as the silence of the monastery enveloped him once again, he wondered if he would ever truly be free of the burden of his secret.
Kai’s POV:
Kai had always been good at reading people. He could tell when something was wrong, when a teammate was putting on a brave face, pretending like everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t. He’d seen it in Zane, in Jay, even in Cole. But lately, he’d seen it in Lloyd more than anyone else. And it worried him.
The Green Ninja—son of Garmadon—had been distant. He wasn’t the same confident, determined leader that Kai had come to know over the years. It was subtle at first, just little things. He'd seem off in training, quieter than usual, a little too distracted during missions. But now it had been going on for weeks, and the more Kai tried to push through it, the more it gnawed at him. He knew Lloyd better than anyone, and right now, Lloyd wasn’t acting like himself.
Kai was leaning against the wall just outside Lloyd’s door, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. The cool breeze outside the monastery stirred, but inside, the air felt heavy, almost suffocating. He’d spent most of the evening trying to figure out what was going on with Lloyd. They’d all noticed it—hell, even Jay had been asking questions, but nobody had confronted Lloyd yet. Kai wasn’t sure why; maybe it was out of respect for Lloyd’s privacy, or maybe because they didn’t want to push him if he wasn’t ready to open up.
But Kai couldn’t just stand by anymore. It wasn’t like him to leave things unsaid. The last thing he wanted was for Lloyd to feel alone, to think that he couldn’t turn to his team, to his friends, for support. They were supposed to be a family. But now, Lloyd was slowly pulling away, and Kai wasn’t sure if he could fix that if he didn’t understand what was wrong.
He raised his hand to knock but hesitated. There was a tightness in his chest, an inexplicable feeling that had been growing since this all started. What if he was too late? What if Lloyd was keeping something important from them—something that could tear them apart?
Kai’s thoughts were interrupted by a soft sound from inside the room. A muffled sigh, followed by the shuffle of footsteps on the floor. He waited a moment before knocking, three sharp taps on the wooden door.
“Lloyd?” Kai’s voice was calm, though inside, his heart was pounding. “Can I come in?”
There was a pause. He could hear the faint sound of breathing from the other side, as if Lloyd was trying to decide whether or not he should open the door. Finally, it creaked open just enough for Lloyd to peer through, looking somewhat surprised to see him standing there.
“Oh, hey, Kai,” Lloyd said, his voice quiet, almost too casual. It wasn’t the tone of someone who was truly okay.
“You’ve been… off lately,” Kai said, his words measured, but the concern was clear in his eyes. “We’ve all noticed. You sure you’re alright?”
Lloyd shifted uncomfortably. His eyes flickered for a moment, a flash of something Kai couldn’t quite place before Lloyd forced a small smile.
“I’m fine,” Lloyd replied quickly. Too quickly.
“Lloyd…” Kai’s voice softened. “You don’t have to hide it from me. From us. Whatever it is, we’re here for you.”
The younger ninja hesitated again, his eyes darting to the floor, his hands fidgeting with the fabric of his shirt. There was an air of tension about him that made Kai’s heart ache. Lloyd had always been the one who shouldered the most weight, the one who faced off against impossible odds, but now he seemed like a person who was barely holding it together.
“I just… need some space,” Lloyd said, his voice catching slightly. “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
Kai stood there for a moment, studying him. He knew that tone too well—the kind of half-truth that people told when they weren’t ready to share what was really bothering them. Lloyd wasn’t fine, and whatever was going on, Kai needed to get to the bottom of it.
“We’re not going to leave you alone, you know that, right?” Kai asked, his voice gentle but firm. “You don’t have to do this by yourself.”
Lloyd didn’t answer right away. He just stared at the ground, his fists clenched at his sides. The tension in the room was palpable, and Kai could feel the weight of it pressing down on both of them.
“Lloyd,” Kai said again, softer this time, stepping forward, “You know you don’t have to carry all of this alone. You’re not a burden to us. We’re your family.”
That was when he saw it—the flicker in Lloyd’s eyes. It was quick, but it was there. It was fear. Fear of something. Fear of being rejected, maybe. Kai had never seen Lloyd so vulnerable before, so unsure of himself. It unsettled him, and for the first time in a long time, he felt completely powerless.
Lloyd opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, his voice faltered. He looked like he was struggling to say something, but the words just wouldn’t come. Finally, he shook his head and stepped back, his hand brushing against the doorframe.
“I… I can’t, Kai,” Lloyd whispered, his voice barely audible. “Not yet.”
Kai frowned, feeling a knot form in his stomach. Whatever it was, whatever was eating away at Lloyd, it was something deep—something too difficult to talk about. He had to resist the urge to push harder, to force Lloyd to face it, but he knew that wasn’t what his friend needed. Not now.
“You don’t have to talk about it now,” Kai said, his voice steady. “But we’ll be here when you’re ready. Don’t shut us out, Lloyd. We’re here for you. No matter what.”
Lloyd nodded slowly, his face still shadowed with uncertainty. There was a long silence, and Kai felt the weight of unspoken words hanging between them. The door started to close, but before it fully shut, Kai spoke one last time.
“You know,” he said with a small grin, “if you want to avoid training tomorrow, you can always just tell me you’re not feeling well. I won’t tell the others.”
Lloyd managed a weak smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It wasn’t the usual teasing smile Kai had come to expect. It was something else, something that made Kai’s chest ache a little more.
“Thanks, Kai,” Lloyd said quietly, the door closing with a soft click behind him.
Kai stood there for a moment, staring at the door as though he could somehow will Lloyd’s burdens to vanish. He didn’t understand what was happening, what had been happening for weeks, but he knew one thing for sure—Lloyd wasn’t fine. He was battling something, something that had taken root deep inside him, and no matter how much Kai wanted to break through the walls he’d built up, it seemed like Lloyd wasn’t ready to let anyone in.
Kai let out a long, frustrated breath, his mind spinning with questions. What was going on with Lloyd? What could he be hiding? Why was he pushing everyone away? He knew Lloyd wasn’t one to share his feelings easily, but this... this was different. This wasn’t the Green Ninja he knew. This wasn’t his friend.
Kai needed to know what was wrong. But for now, he had to wait.
And the silence that followed felt heavier than any battle they had ever faced.
Jay POV:
Jay sat on the edge of the railing, staring out into the monastery courtyard. The moonlight bathed the scene in a quiet silver glow, the peaceful atmosphere a sharp contrast to the chaos and confusion swirling inside him. He wasn’t usually one to be this pensive, but something had been off with Lloyd lately, and Jay had noticed. His best friend—the Green Ninja, the leader of their team, the person they all looked up to—wasn’t himself. Not by a long shot.
Lloyd had always been the one with the unshakable determination, the one who carried the weight of Ninjago on his shoulders with ease. He was the one who always had a joke ready to lighten the mood or a quick solution to any problem. But recently, Jay had noticed the way Lloyd seemed to withdraw into himself. He was quieter, more distant, as if there was something heavy weighing on him, something he couldn’t—or didn’t want to—share.
It was as though Lloyd had built a wall around himself, a barrier that Jay couldn’t break through. And Jay wasn’t used to that. He wasn’t used to seeing his friend so... unsure of himself.
Tonight had been another one of those quiet nights. The team had been preparing for a mission, and Jay could tell that Lloyd was physically present but mentally somewhere else entirely. He’d been fidgeting during their strategy session, his fingers drumming against the table, eyes darting around like he was looking for an escape.
At one point, during a rare moment of stillness, Jay had caught Lloyd staring out the window, lost in thought. His usual confident expression was replaced with something Jay couldn’t quite read—an emptiness, perhaps? He hadn’t been able to get Lloyd to snap out of it, and by the time the meeting was over, Lloyd had excused himself without much more than a terse “I’ll be right back.”
Now, hours later, Jay still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. They’d been friends for so long, had been through so much together. Jay could read Lloyd like an open book. But right now, there was a chapter missing, one that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
Sighing, Jay stood up and brushed the dirt off his legs. He had to check on his friend. He didn’t know what was going on, but if something was eating at Lloyd, he wouldn’t leave until he got to the bottom of it.
Jay knocked softly on Lloyd’s door. He had no idea what kind of response he was expecting, but the last thing he wanted was to make things worse. Still, he had to try. He waited, listening for any sign that Lloyd had heard him. After a beat, the door creaked open just a crack, revealing Lloyd’s face. His expression was guarded, but Jay could tell something was off.
“Hey, Lloyd,” Jay greeted, trying to keep his tone casual. “You good? We’re about to do some training, but I thought I’d check in. You’ve been kind of quiet lately.”
Lloyd hesitated, eyes flicking toward the floor before glancing back up at Jay. There was a flicker of something in his eyes—something unfamiliar and deeply unsettled. Jay could see it now, clear as day. There was a heaviness in Lloyd’s gaze, something he had never seen before.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just... thinking. I’ll be down soon,” Lloyd muttered, his voice flat and unconvincing.
Jay raised an eyebrow, not buying it for a second. “Come on, Lloyd. I know you. Something’s going on, man. You’ve been quieter than usual. You sure you’re alright?”
Lloyd shifted, clearly uncomfortable. “I’m fine. Really. It’s just... nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
But Jay could tell that something was wrong. The way Lloyd’s words were disconnected, the way he seemed to be holding something back—it was like Lloyd was putting up a wall, and Jay wasn’t about to let him hide behind it.
“I’m not buying it, man,” Jay said, his voice softer now. “We’ve been through a lot together. You don’t have to go through whatever this is alone.”
Lloyd’s eyes flickered with something close to panic, and for a moment, Jay thought he might bolt. But instead, Lloyd let out a shaky sigh and stepped back from the door, allowing Jay to enter.
“Alright, come in,” Lloyd said quietly, running a hand through his hair as he sank onto the edge of his bed. He didn’t look at Jay directly as he spoke. “I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about this... but I guess I’ve been bottling it up for a while now.”
Jay sat down beside him, not pushing, just waiting for Lloyd to open up when he was ready.
Lloyd took a deep breath, his hands trembling slightly as he clasped them together in his lap. “It’s just... everything’s been weird lately. I don’t know who I am anymore, Jay. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be. And I’m scared. I’m scared that if people find out... they won’t see me as a man. I’m not sure if I am one.”
The words hit Jay like a cold wave. For a moment, he was silent, processing what Lloyd had just said. His heart clenched with empathy, but also with confusion. What was Lloyd talking about? He’d always been the Green Ninja. He was a hero. He was a fighter. He was everything anyone could look up to.
“Lloyd...” Jay started carefully, unsure of what to say. “What do you mean? You’re a man. You’ve always been a man.”
Lloyd’s face scrunched up, eyes dropping to the floor. “No, I’m not,” he whispered, so quietly that Jay barely heard him. “I don’t feel like one. Not really. And if I’m being honest... I’m scared to tell anyone. I’m scared of what’ll happen if they know.”
Jay’s confusion deepened. “What do you mean, you’re scared to tell anyone?”
Lloyd shifted, his voice growing more frantic. “I’m not like the rest of you. I’m not... a real boy. I’m not the same as the others. They call me ‘kid,’ ‘son,’ and it just... it doesn’t feel right. I’m not that anymore. I’m a man, Jay. I’m a trans man, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know if the team would even accept me if they knew. I don’t know if my father would.”
Jay’s heart dropped. The word ‘trans’ echoed in his mind, heavy and unfamiliar. He wasn’t sure what Lloyd was going through, but the pain in his voice was unmistakable. Lloyd’s eyes glistened with unshed tears as he continued, voice breaking.
“I’ve spent my whole life pretending to be someone I’m not. And the worst part is, I don’t even know if I’m really a man. I’m terrified, Jay. I’m terrified that if I tell the team, they’ll kick me out. They won’t see me as one of them anymore. And my father? He’ll never understand. He’ll just—he’ll destroy me.”
Jay’s mind was reeling, but he could see how much this was tearing Lloyd apart. He reached out, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Lloyd, listen to me. You are a man. A real man. And you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m your best friend. We’ve got your back, no matter what.”
Lloyd’s gaze flickered up to meet his, but there was still doubt in his eyes. “What if they don’t see me the same way?”
Jay smiled gently. “Then they don’t deserve to be your friends. But I know them, Lloyd. We all have your back. Always. You’re not alone in this. And you don’t have to hide anymore.”
For the first time in what felt like forever, a flicker of hope passed through Lloyd’s eyes. He swallowed hard, the weight on his shoulders just a little lighter.
“Thanks, Jay,” Lloyd whispered, his voice steadying. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Jay grinned, slapping his friend on the back. “Hey, what are best friends for?”
And in that moment, Lloyd wasn’t alone. Jay had always known that his friend was strong, but even the strongest needed someone to lean on. And that was exactly what Jay was there for—every step of the way.
Chapter 2: The Fear of Exposure
Chapter Text
Lloyd lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling of his room. It had been hours since the team had gathered for their training session, and yet, he couldn’t shake the weight of the conversations from earlier. Jay had seemed so concerned, Kai had been unusually gentle, and even Zane had given him a searching look before they all left him to his thoughts. They cared. He knew they did. But the fear gnawed at him like a persistent ache, one he couldn’t seem to ignore, no matter how much he wanted to.
The truth was, Lloyd wasn’t sure what was scarier: the thought of his secret coming out, or the idea of them not knowing at all. He hated that he was lying to them. Hated that they could look at him and never know the truth of who he was, not because he didn’t trust them, but because he was so terrified of being seen as something less. A “fraud.” That’s what he would be, right? A fraud if they knew he wasn’t the person they thought he was.
If they found out... would they still accept me?
The questions whirred in his mind, relentless and suffocating. They always came back to this: What if I’m not a real man? He had been living with this part of himself for so long, he almost convinced himself that maybe this was just a phase, that maybe someday it would pass. Maybe he could go back to being the son of Garmadon, the Green Ninja who stood for something larger than himself. But every time he tried to imagine that life, it felt wrong.
Lloyd turned onto his side, his arm draped over his face as if blocking the world out would somehow block the confusion that ate away at him. He had never felt more alone in his life, not even during the darkest times when he fought against his father. This was different. This was his own mind, questioning everything he thought he knew about himself. What if this is all in my head?
The thought echoed louder in his head. What if I’m just pretending? What if I’m not even a man?
Before he could dwell too much further on his spiraling thoughts, there was a sudden knock at his door. Startled, Lloyd sat up quickly, heart racing. He wasn’t ready to face anyone—not now, not when he was so full of doubt. But there was no escaping it. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves.
“Lloyd?” came a voice from the other side of the door. It was Jay. Lloyd’s stomach twisted at the sound of his best friend’s voice.
“Yeah?” he called out, trying to sound casual, even though his voice was tighter than he’d intended.
Jay hesitated for a moment, then pushed the door open, poking his head inside. He was holding a tray of food—something simple, just sandwiches and fruit, but the gesture itself caught Lloyd off guard.
“You missed dinner,” Jay said lightly, though his expression was more serious than usual. “I figured you might be hungry. Figured you could use some company, too.”
Lloyd couldn’t stop himself from smiling, but it was thin, the kind of smile he gave when he was hiding something, pretending that everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t. He moved aside to let Jay in, trying to ignore the discomfort that settled in his chest.
“Thanks, Jay,” he said, taking the tray from his friend, though he felt an almost sickening wave of guilt wash over him. He didn’t deserve Jay’s kindness—not when he was lying to him.
Jay set the tray down on the small table in the corner of the room, then turned to face Lloyd, his expression softening. “You know, you don’t have to pretend with me,” he said quietly. “If something’s bothering you, you can talk to me. I’m your friend, Lloyd. You don’t have to keep everything inside.”
Lloyd’s heart lurched, and for a split second, he felt like he might break right then and there. Jay knew him better than anyone. They had fought together, trained together, been through so much together. But this... this was different. This was a secret Lloyd could never share. How could he explain something so deep, so personal, when he didn’t even understand it himself?
Jay looked at him expectantly, his eyes full of concern. “I know something’s off. You’ve been quieter than usual. You don’t have to tell me everything, but... if you need to talk, I’m here.”
The words burned through him like fire. I want to tell you, Jay. I want to tell you so badly. But I can’t. I can’t risk it.
“I’m just... tired, that’s all,” Lloyd lied, forcing a shrug. “You know, with everything that’s been going on lately, I just need some time to myself.”
Jay didn’t seem entirely convinced, but he nodded anyway, giving Lloyd a small smile. “Alright. But remember, I’m here if you need me, okay?”
Lloyd gave a shallow nod, feeling both relieved and suffocated by the conversation. Jay left soon after, but as the door closed behind him, the emptiness in Lloyd’s chest only seemed to grow. Why couldn’t he just be honest with his friends? Why was he so scared of their reactions, of what they would say if they knew the truth?
The weight of the secret pressed heavier on his heart. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up.
The next morning, Lloyd woke up to the usual bustle of the monastery. The team was preparing for their daily training session, but all he could think about was the conversation he’d had with Jay. It felt like a turning point, as if Jay was getting closer to seeing through the walls Lloyd had built. What if the others started to notice too? What if they could see through his mask, could feel the tension radiating off him, the secret that was slowly suffocating him?
He avoided breakfast, unable to look anyone in the eye. Even when Kai called out to him, asking if he wanted to join them for training, Lloyd simply waved him off with an excuse about feeling under the weather. He couldn’t do it. Not today. Not when the fear was so sharp, so real.
Lloyd took a long walk through the monastery gardens, trying to clear his mind, but the doubts followed him like shadows. The sound of his boots crunching on the gravel echoed in his ears, but it didn’t drown out the turmoil in his head.
What if they find out? What if they don’t accept me? What if I lose everything?
His stomach churned. The idea of losing his place with the team, of being rejected by his friends, was more than he could bear. The thought of being kicked out of the "boys' club" made his throat close up, and for a moment, he wanted nothing more than to disappear—to leave the monastery, to run away and escape the suffocating weight of his secret.
But even in his panic, a voice inside him whispered, You don’t have to hide. You don’t have to carry this burden alone.
The words felt like a cruel joke. Lloyd didn’t even know how to start being honest with himself, let alone with his friends. He had spent so long convincing himself that his feelings didn’t matter, that he didn’t have the right to ask for acceptance as his true self. Wasn’t he just... Lloyd? The Green Ninja? The son of Garmadon? The one who had always been strong and steady, a leader others could rely on?
But now, every part of that identity felt like a lie. The longer he kept his secret, the more trapped he felt in his own skin. The longer he kept pretending, the harder it became to remember who he was supposed to be.
By the time the sun began to set, casting long shadows over the monastery, Lloyd felt like he had run out of time. He couldn’t keep hiding. He couldn’t keep pretending.
Maybe... maybe it was time to tell them.
But the fear still lingered, gnawing at the edges of his resolve. What would happen if they found out? Would they turn away from him? Would they still see him as one of their own?
Lloyd stared at his reflection in the window, his heart racing. I’m ready, he told himself, though his voice sounded hollow, even in his own head. But am I really?
The silence of the night hung heavy around him, and for the first time in a long while, Lloyd felt like he might break.
Kai’s POV:
The monastery was quiet, too quiet. Even the usual hum of conversation from the others, the laughter, the clink of weapons during practice—it all felt distant tonight. Kai couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, and it had everything to do with Lloyd.
For weeks now, Lloyd had been off—distant, withdrawn. The leader they once knew had become a shell of himself. He'd avoided eye contact, skipped meals, and most notably, refused to engage with any of them during their regular training sessions. Jay had noticed it first, as always, and had made an effort to check in with Lloyd more than usual. But it didn’t seem to help. If anything, it made the silence more palpable.
Tonight, it was too much. Kai couldn’t stand the distance between them. Lloyd had become a stranger in his own skin. The camaraderie, the unspoken understanding they’d always shared, was slipping through his fingers, and all Kai could do was watch helplessly as Lloyd shut himself out, further and further.
Kai lay awake in his own bed, the moonlight casting shadows over the room, when he heard it. A faint, muffled sound. The unmistakable rustle of a blanket being tossed, followed by a soft exhale, one that carried more weight than it should. It was from Lloyd’s room. Kai felt a pang in his chest, a knot tightening. He wasn’t sure why, but something felt off about the sound. The way it echoed through the stillness of the night—it was too familiar, too laced with unspoken pain.
Rising from his bed, Kai moved quietly down the hall, the old wooden floor creaking under his weight. He stopped at Lloyd’s door and hesitated. Should he knock? Or should he wait until tomorrow? He was starting to realize he didn’t want to give Lloyd any more time to sink deeper into whatever was consuming him.
Without thinking, Kai knocked lightly. Just enough to alert Lloyd that he wasn’t alone.
“Lloyd?” Kai’s voice was quieter than usual. “Can I come in?”
There was a long pause before Lloyd’s voice cracked the silence. “Yeah.”
Kai opened the door slowly, peeking inside. The dim light from the desk lamp illuminated Lloyd’s silhouette on the bed. His back was turned, but Kai could see the tension in his posture, the way his shoulders were hunched, as though the weight of the world had settled on them.
“Everything okay?” Kai asked, stepping into the room, though the question felt hollow as soon as it left his mouth. He already knew the answer.
Lloyd didn’t respond right away. Kai could hear him breathe in deeply, like he was trying to find the words or at least the strength to speak. Finally, he turned over, meeting Kai’s gaze with a forced smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m fine, Kai. Just... tired.”
The lie hit Kai like a punch to the gut. Lloyd was anything but fine. That much was clear. The smile didn’t fool him, not for a second.
“I know that’s not true.” Kai crossed the room, sitting at the edge of the bed, his eyes scanning Lloyd’s face for any hint of what was really going on. “What’s really going on, Lloyd? You’ve been avoiding us for days now. I’ve seen you push everyone away, including me. It’s not like you.”
Lloyd’s eyes flickered, a flash of something—pain, fear, something Kai couldn’t quite place—before he quickly looked away. His gaze dropped to his hands, fiddling with the edge of the blanket as if he could distract himself from the conversation. “It’s nothing, Kai. Really. I just... I just need some space.”
Kai’s heart clenched at the sight. Space. Space from them. From him.
“Lloyd,” Kai said softly, “I’m not trying to force you into anything. But you’re not alone in this. I know you’re going through something right now, but pushing us away won’t make it go away.” He paused, searching for the right words. “Whatever it is, you don’t have to carry it by yourself.”
Lloyd’s jaw tightened, and for a moment, he looked like he might snap, might lash out, but then something in his expression changed—something broken. He was crumbling beneath the surface. Kai could see it. He just didn’t know what it was yet.
“I'm not what you think I am,” Lloyd whispered, barely above a breath. “I’m not... I’m not the leader you think I am. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
Kai’s chest tightened at those words. The fear in Lloyd’s voice was unmistakable. It wasn’t the usual self-doubt that everyone had seen him struggle with in the past. This was different. This was raw, deep—like something was tearing at him from the inside.
“Lloyd,” Kai said gently, leaning forward, his hand resting lightly on the bed next to Lloyd’s. “Whatever’s going on, it’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect for any of us. Hell, none of us are perfect. But we’re still here, and we always will be.”
Lloyd’s eyes lifted to meet his, but there was a hollow, distant look in them that sent a wave of unease through Kai’s chest.
“What if I’m not enough?” Lloyd whispered, his voice barely audible, and it felt like the world stopped in that moment. “What if they find out the truth about me? What if... what if I’m not a man at all? What if... they can’t accept me?”
Kai’s heart sank. The words felt like a punch to the gut, and he had to fight back the urge to reach out, to hold Lloyd, to make all the fear disappear in an instant. But he didn’t. Because he knew that wasn’t what Lloyd needed right now. He needed someone to listen, someone who wouldn’t push him, someone who would just let him breathe.
“Lloyd, listen to me,” Kai said, his voice steady but firm. “You are more than enough. And you are a man. You don’t need to be anything other than yourself. That’s what we want from you. We don’t want the Green Ninja, or the son of Garmadon. We want you. The real you.”
Lloyd swallowed hard, his throat working like he was struggling to keep his composure. But he didn’t say anything more. The silence between them stretched on, thick and heavy, until Kai could feel his own heart aching from it.
Kai shifted slightly, then placed his hand over Lloyd’s, squeezing it gently. “You don’t have to go through this alone, Lloyd. Whatever it is, we can face it together.”
Lloyd’s eyes welled with tears that he quickly blinked away, as though afraid to let them fall. He seemed so small in that moment—so vulnerable, so human—and Kai couldn’t help but feel the overwhelming urge to protect him. To shield him from whatever demons were haunting him.
“I’m sorry,” Lloyd murmured, his voice cracking. “I didn’t mean to... I just... I don’t know how to do this.”
Kai’s throat tightened as he fought to keep his own emotions in check. He couldn’t stand seeing Lloyd like this. He couldn’t stand seeing him broken, doubting himself in ways that Kai had never expected.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Kai replied softly. “You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Hell, none of us do. But we’ve got each other. And that’s enough.”
The room fell into a quiet that was both comforting and suffocating. Kai remained by Lloyd’s side, offering his presence, offering his understanding, even if he didn’t have the answers Lloyd so desperately needed. What he did know was that the truth of who Lloyd was—who they all were—didn’t need to be a burden. They didn’t need to be perfect. They just needed to be real with each other. And maybe, just maybe, that was enough to start healing whatever was breaking inside Lloyd.
Kai stayed in silence for a while, knowing that Lloyd wasn’t ready to talk more. But he wasn’t leaving. Not tonight. He wasn’t going anywhere. And, for the first time in what felt like forever, Kai wasn’t sure if he could help, but he was determined to try.
Lloyd wasn’t alone. Not anymore. And he never would be again.
Jay POV:
Jay could feel the change in the air the moment he stepped into the monastery’s garden. The crisp morning chill didn’t help the heavy silence that had settled over the place, and even the vibrant flowers around him seemed to wilt in the absence of their usual cheerful atmosphere. He glanced back toward the monastery, where the team had already gathered for training, but his gaze was pulled once again toward the distant figure of Lloyd.
Lloyd, who had been so distant lately. Lloyd, who wasn’t himself.
“Hey, Lloyd!” Jay called, walking toward him with his usual bright smile. “What’s up? You ready to join us for training?”
Lloyd didn’t even flinch at the sound of his voice, just kept staring out into the distance, hands buried deep in his pockets. Jay’s heart sank a little. There was something wrong. Something more than just a bad day or a momentary lapse in energy. The way Lloyd held himself, the way his posture was almost withdrawn... Jay had seen that look before. The look of someone who was struggling with something deeper.
Lloyd didn’t answer immediately, and Jay hesitated, waiting. Lloyd wasn’t the type to stay quiet for long, especially around him. They’d been through too much together for that.
Finally, Lloyd turned slightly, offering a half-smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Not today, Jay. I think I’ll just skip out on training. Been feeling... off, you know?”
Jay nodded, but the words felt hollow. “Yeah, I get it. But you know the team’s here for you, right? We’re your friends, Lloyd.”
Lloyd’s smile faltered, and for a moment, Jay thought he saw something break in his friend’s eyes—something so fragile and broken that it made his chest tighten. But before Jay could say anything more, Lloyd turned away, muttering a quick, “Thanks, Jay,” before walking off toward the edge of the garden.
Jay stood there, watching him go, and his thoughts churned. There was more to this. There was always more with Lloyd, but this time, it felt different. The way Lloyd had been acting, the way he couldn’t even meet anyone’s gaze—it was as if he was retreating into himself, hiding something.
Jay didn’t want to pressure him, didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, but Lloyd had always been the one to share things with him first. They had been through everything together—training, battles, and even the darkest moments of their lives. But this time, Jay felt shut out. He hated it. And he hated that he couldn’t figure out what was wrong.
Later that evening, after everyone else had retired for the night, Jay found himself pacing the halls of the monastery, unable to shake the nagging worry gnawing at him. His thoughts kept returning to Lloyd, to the way he had acted today, to the way he had been acting for weeks now. What was going on? Why wouldn’t he talk to anyone?
Finally, Jay couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to see Lloyd. He needed to make sure his friend was okay.
Without even thinking twice, Jay made his way to Lloyd’s room, pausing only briefly to gather his thoughts. He knocked on the door, trying to sound casual, though his heart was beating faster than usual.
“Lloyd?” he called softly. “You in there?”
There was no response. He knocked again, a little louder this time. Still nothing.
“Come on, man,” Jay said under his breath, pushing the door open slowly. He didn’t want to invade Lloyd’s privacy, but the worry was too much to ignore.
The room was dimly lit by the pale glow of the moon, casting long shadows on the walls. Lloyd was sitting on his bed, his head in his hands, the weight of the world pressing down on his shoulders. Jay felt his breath catch in his throat at the sight. His friend, the one who had always been so strong, so steady, was breaking, and Jay didn’t know how to fix it.
“Lloyd…” Jay whispered, stepping cautiously inside. “What’s going on? You’re scaring me, man.”
Lloyd lifted his head, his eyes red and raw from something Jay couldn’t even begin to understand. He looked so lost. So far away.
“I’m fine,” Lloyd said quietly, though the words didn’t ring true. His voice was strained, distant. It was as though he was saying them more for himself than for Jay.
“No, you’re not,” Jay said firmly, walking over and sitting down next to Lloyd. “I’ve known you too long, buddy. Something’s wrong. I can see it. And I know you’re not going to tell me just because I asked. But I’m here, okay? You don’t have to do this alone.”
Lloyd’s eyes flickered with something close to panic, like he was about to say something—something big—but then he clenched his fists at his sides, squeezing his eyes shut. Jay could see him fighting something inside himself, struggling with whatever it was that had taken hold of him.
“It’s nothing,” Lloyd muttered, his voice breaking slightly. “It’s just... just something I can’t fix. Something I can’t change.”
Jay didn’t say anything for a moment, his heart aching with the weight of Lloyd’s words. He wanted to pull him into a hug, to tell him everything would be okay. But Lloyd wasn’t ready for that, not yet.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you don’t have to carry this by yourself,” Jay said gently. “You’re not alone in this, Lloyd. Whatever it is, I’m not going anywhere. We’ve got your back.”
Lloyd shook his head, pulling his knees up to his chest as if trying to make himself smaller, less visible. “I don’t know if you would… if you knew. You wouldn’t understand. No one would.”
Jay’s throat tightened, and he moved closer, resting his hand gently on Lloyd’s shoulder. He didn’t need to understand. He just needed to be there.
“Lloyd,” Jay whispered. “You’re my best friend. I’ve seen you at your best, and I’ve seen you at your worst. But whatever it is, I’m not going to walk away. I don’t care what it is. I’m not going to leave you alone.”
Lloyd didn’t say anything for a long time. For a long while, the room was filled only with the sound of their breathing, heavy and uncertain.
Finally, Lloyd spoke again, his voice barely a whisper. “I’m not who you think I am.”
Jay’s heart lurched, and he leaned in, his eyes searching Lloyd’s face for any clue, any sign that he might be joking. But Lloyd was serious. He looked like he was about to break.
“What do you mean?” Jay asked quietly, his voice steady but his mind racing.
Lloyd’s hands trembled as he ran them through his hair, visibly fighting tears. “I’m not the Green Ninja. I’m not the son of Garmadon. I’m... I’m not a man.”
Jay’s breath caught in his throat. His mind couldn’t process the words at first, but he didn’t need to understand everything at once. He just needed to be there.
“You don’t have to explain,” Jay said, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m here, Lloyd. Whatever you need, whatever you’re feeling, I’m here.”
Lloyd looked at him, his eyes full of fear and uncertainty. “But what if you can’t accept me?”
Jay swallowed hard, trying to push down the lump in his throat. “I don’t care who you are, Lloyd. You’re my friend. You’ve always been my friend. And nothing’s ever going to change that.”
The words hung in the air between them, heavy with the weight of everything that had been unsaid for so long. Lloyd didn’t speak again, but Jay could see the walls beginning to crumble, bit by bit.
And for the first time in what felt like forever, Jay believed that maybe, just maybe, things would be okay.
Chapter Text
Lloyd had always been a master of control. His entire life had been shaped by discipline, by restraint, by the need to hide pieces of himself—pieces he wasn’t sure could ever fit in the world. But today, control felt like a foreign concept. He had spent the entire day in his room, trying to focus on anything other than the rising panic in his chest. The thoughts swirled like a storm, battering against his mind, growing louder with every passing minute.
I’m not a real man. I’m not even sure I deserve to be here.
Lloyd ran a hand through his hair, his reflection in the mirror showing a face that seemed so familiar and so alien at once. The Green Ninja. The son of Garmadon. The leader of the ninja team. He had worn these titles with pride, but now they felt like a mask, a costume that didn’t quite fit. Nothing felt right anymore.
Jay’s words from the night before replayed in his mind.
“You don’t have to pretend with me, Lloyd.”
What if I can’t be real with you, Jay? What if being real means losing everything?
Lloyd didn’t even know who he was anymore, let alone what he was supposed to do about it. He had spent so long hiding, so long pretending that he had never stopped to consider what it might mean if someone else saw through the façade. What if Jay could see? What if the others did too?
He jumped when a soft knock echoed through his door.
“Lloyd?” Kai’s voice was cautious, just enough to tell Lloyd that something was off. He couldn’t ignore it now, even if every instinct told him to retreat further into himself. He ran a hand over his face, trying to steady his breath before calling out.
“Yeah?”
The door creaked open, and Kai entered, his expression a mixture of concern and determination. “Can we talk?”
Lloyd’s stomach twisted. Talk? About what? He couldn’t even remember the last time they’d just talked, without the pressure of being their leader, without the weight of expectations. But Kai’s eyes told him that something was wrong, something that went beyond the usual tension in their team dynamic.
“Sure,” Lloyd managed, though his voice cracked slightly, betraying his nerves.
Kai sat on the edge of Lloyd’s bed, watching him with an intensity that made him uneasy. “You’ve been distant lately. Quiet. And I know it’s been tough with everything happening with the team, but I... I just want you to know that if something’s going on, you don’t have to hide it. We’re a team. We’re your friends.”
Lloyd’s heart stuttered. A team. Friends. Those words were supposed to be comforting, but they only made him feel more exposed, more vulnerable. He wasn’t sure he could keep pretending much longer.
“I’m fine, Kai,” he said, his voice far too tight to be convincing. He forced a smile, but it felt like it was stretching his face in unnatural ways.
Kai wasn’t fooled. “Lloyd, I know you. I’ve known you since we were kids, and I can see when something’s bothering you. Whatever it is, you don’t have to carry it alone. You don’t have to be this... this perfect leader all the time. You’re allowed to be you.”
What if who I am isn’t enough? The thought crashed into him, almost knocking the air out of his lungs. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep up this charade, this constant pretending.
“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Lloyd whispered before he could stop himself. The words hung in the air between them, raw and unfiltered. Kai’s gaze softened, and for a moment, it felt like the weight of the world had settled in that room, between the two of them.
“You don’t have to have all the answers right now,” Kai said quietly, his voice gentler than usual. “We’re not expecting you to be perfect. Hell, none of us are perfect. But we’re still here for each other, okay? Whatever’s going on, you don’t have to face it by yourself.”
Lloyd looked at him, fighting back the sting of tears that threatened to surface. What if they don’t accept me? The fear was almost suffocating, a vice tightening around his chest.
“I just don’t know if I can do this anymore,” Lloyd said, his voice shaking. The words spilled out before he could stop them, and in that moment, he felt as though he were losing control of everything—his thoughts, his feelings, his own identity.
Kai leaned forward, his expression softening further as he placed a hand on Lloyd’s shoulder. “You don’t have to face it alone. And you don’t have to figure it all out right now. We’ve all been through stuff—together and apart. We’re your family, Lloyd. Don’t shut us out.”
Lloyd’s breath hitched, and for the first time in days, he felt a flicker of something. Maybe it was hope. Maybe it was trust. But it felt like a lifeline, even if he wasn’t sure he could reach for it just yet.
But then, the weight of his secret pressed on him again. What if they knew? What if I told them the truth?
He swallowed hard, pushing the thought away. “Thanks, Kai. I just... I just need some time.”
Kai nodded slowly, his hand lingering on Lloyd’s shoulder for a moment longer before he stood up. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m here. And the others are too. Don’t forget that, okay?”
Lloyd didn’t respond right away. He simply nodded, his mind reeling from the conversation. Kai’s words had hit harder than he expected. But they also filled him with an odd mix of fear and yearning. The truth was, he didn’t know what it would mean to tell them. To tell anyone. Would they still accept him? Would they still want him as a part of the team, or would they push him away, seeing him as a threat to the “boys’ club”?
And what if his father found out? What if he rejected him? What if the public found out and turned their backs on him? Every scenario ran through his mind like a nightmare in the making.
Later that evening, the team gathered for their usual debriefing, discussing missions, training, and the latest news. Lloyd sat at the table with them, but his mind was miles away. He couldn’t concentrate. The pressure was too much.
“Lloyd?” Zane’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “You’ve been quiet. Are you sure everything’s alright?”
Lloyd opened his mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. How could he explain the chaos in his head? How could he possibly put into words what he was feeling, knowing that it could change everything?
Instead, he just smiled weakly, forcing his voice to sound steady. “I’m fine, Zane. Just... tired.”
The others exchanged concerned glances, but no one pressed him further. They all knew something was wrong, but none of them seemed to know how to reach him. Maybe they didn’t even know if they should.
But Lloyd could feel it now—the distance growing. He had pushed them away for so long, hiding behind his own walls, and now he was starting to wonder if they would ever be able to see him, truly see him, for who he was. And even if they did, would they accept him?
His stomach twisted at the thought.
Later that night, as the team retreated to their rooms, Lloyd found himself standing by the window again, staring out at the stars. The silence in the monastery was deafening, but it was the only peace he could find. He wanted so badly to believe that they would accept him if they knew. But what if he was wrong? What if his fear was justified?
A knock on his door broke the silence. Lloyd turned, his heart racing, unsure of who it was this time. His hand hesitated on the doorknob before he opened it.
Jay stood in the doorway, his expression soft but determined.
“I know you’re still struggling,” he said quietly, “and I’m not going to push you. But I just want you to know—whenever you’re ready, I’m here. We all are.”
Lloyd nodded, a lump forming in his throat. He swallowed it down, trying to fight the overwhelming urge to collapse under the weight of everything. He wanted so badly to believe Jay. But the fear was still there. The fear of losing everything he had fought so hard to build.
But as Jay smiled at him, Lloyd felt the smallest flicker of hope.
Maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t alone in this fight after all.
Kai’s POV:
I knew something was off with Lloyd. Hell, anyone could tell. The lightness he used to carry himself with had faded, replaced with a heaviness that wasn’t his. The days were growing longer, and each time I saw him, he seemed further and further away. He’d become a ghost in his own skin—there, but not really present. It scared me more than I cared to admit.
We had always been close, but lately... there was a wall between us. I hated it. And I hated myself even more for not being able to break it down.
I had spent the last few days watching him, trying to figure out what was wrong. Jay and Zane had both approached him in their own way, but Lloyd always brushed them off. He’d smile, a fake little thing that didn’t reach his eyes, and tell them everything was fine. It wasn’t. I could see it—hell, I felt it in my gut.
But there was something deeper than that. Something that I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around. Maybe it was fear, maybe it was confusion, but I knew that if I didn’t do something soon, Lloyd was going to lose himself entirely. I didn’t know how to reach him, how to make him open up... But I had to try. I had to.
It was late in the evening when I finally decided I couldn’t wait anymore. The others were all doing their own thing, leaving us alone for the most part, and that gave me the perfect chance to confront him. To break through.
I knocked softly on the door, not sure if he'd even open it. The air around us felt thick, charged, like the calm before a storm, and my heart was hammering in my chest. The faintest sense of dread crept over me, but I pushed it away. This was Lloyd. My friend. My brother. He would listen. He had to.
“Lloyd?”
A long silence followed, and I wondered if he was even in there. Maybe he was out on one of his solitary walks, or maybe he was hiding under the weight of his thoughts. Finally, I heard his voice from the other side. It was soft, barely above a whisper, but there was no mistaking the strain in it.
“Yeah?”
I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I was crossing a line. But when the door creaked open and I saw the look in his eyes, I knew I had to press forward. Something was breaking inside of him, and I had no choice but to be the one to catch the pieces.
“Can we talk?”
His face tightened, and for a moment, I saw the familiar walls come crashing up between us. But they weren’t the walls I was used to—the walls of the confident, joking, sometimes brash Lloyd. These were walls that seemed born from pain, from something that was far deeper than I could have anticipated.
I sat down on his bed, my hands gripping my knees as I tried to figure out what to say. Lloyd stood near the window, his back to me, staring into the vast expanse outside. I could see his shoulders shaking slightly, as if he was holding something in—something so painful it was threatening to spill out.
“You’ve been distant lately,” I said softly, my voice laced with concern. “Quiet. I know there’s a lot going on, but... I just want you to know that whatever it is, you don’t have to carry it alone.”
He turned then, and I saw it. The hollow look in his eyes. The weight that had been slowly sinking in. Lloyd was a leader, sure, but he was human too. A fragile, hurting human. Just like the rest of us.
“I’m fine, Kai,” he replied, his voice tight. He offered a weak smile, but it didn’t fool me. Not for a second.
I pushed forward, unwilling to back down now. “Lloyd, I know you. You’re not fine. Whatever it is, we can talk about it. You don’t have to be the ‘perfect leader’ all the time. You’re allowed to be... you.”
The air between us shifted, thick with the unsaid. Lloyd’s chest rose and fell as he tried to hold it together, but I could see his hands trembling ever so slightly. I wanted to reach out and pull him into a hug, to make it all go away, but I didn’t know if he was ready for that. I didn’t know if he was ready for me.
“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
The words left his mouth like a confession. I had never heard him say anything so raw before, and the pain in his voice hit me harder than anything I could have prepared for.
I stood up slowly, not sure what to do, but I couldn’t let him fall into the darkness alone. “Lloyd—”
He cut me off. “I’m not who you think I am.” His voice cracked, and I could see the tears threatening to spill. It gutted me.
The walls were crumbling.
I stepped closer, feeling the air around us thickening with the truth we both had been too afraid to face. “What do you mean?” I asked softly, my hand instinctively reaching out to him. He flinched slightly, but I didn’t pull away.
Lloyd’s eyes met mine, and for the first time, I saw the vulnerability in them—the kind that he always hid so well. “I don’t even know if I’m a real man, Kai. I don’t know who I am. I’m just... this thing, this leader, and I don’t know how to be anything else. I don’t know if I belong in this world. If I even deserve to be here.”
My heart broke. It shattered into pieces, scattered by his words. I had no idea the storm inside of him had reached this point. He’d been carrying this burden alone, and I had failed to see it. I had failed him.
“Lloyd,” I said gently, stepping closer. “You don’t have to be anything but you. You’re enough just as you are.”
His breath hitched. “What if I’m not enough? What if I’m not even... a man at all?”
I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell him how wrong he was, how perfect he was in every way, but the words didn’t come. Instead, I took a step forward, lifting my hand to rest on his shoulder. It wasn’t a solution, but it was something. It was all I had.
“You don’t have to figure it all out right now,” I said quietly, my thumb brushing across the fabric of his shirt. “You’re not alone in this, Lloyd. We’re a team. We’re your family. And you don’t have to face this alone.”
Lloyd’s shoulders trembled beneath my touch, and for a moment, I thought he might break down right there. But he didn’t. He pulled back, running a shaky hand through his hair, but I could see the relief in his eyes—the faintest flicker of hope.
“Thanks, Kai,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “I just need some time, I think.”
I nodded, stepping back. “Whenever you’re ready. We’re all here for you. We’re your family, and that doesn’t change.”
He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he looked out the window again, as though the stars held some kind of answer that he couldn’t find here.
I watched him for a moment, heart heavy with everything unsaid. Lloyd was still hurting, but I knew that we could get through it together. It would take time, but we would get through it.
I just hoped that when the storm finally passed, Lloyd would find himself again. Because no matter what, he was never going to be alone. Not while I was still standing beside him.
Jay POV:
Lloyd stood in front of the mirror, hands clenched at his sides. His reflection seemed foreign, like a shadow of someone he used to be. The Green Ninja. The son of Garmadon. The leader of the team. He had worn those titles like a suit of armor, never letting anyone see the cracks beneath the surface. But now, everything felt like it was falling apart. His reflection seemed to mock him—strong, determined, confident—but he felt none of those things.
The thoughts in his mind swirled like a tempest, impossible to control.
What if I’m not enough? What if I’m not even a man?
He had been questioning himself more than ever lately. His identity—who he was supposed to be, who he wanted to be—seemed so distant. For years, he'd shoved his doubts and insecurities deep inside, buried them so far beneath the surface that he almost believed they were gone. But now, they were rising, flooding his mind, making him question everything.
The team had been more concerned than usual. He had noticed the looks they exchanged during training—those glances that seemed to ask unspoken questions. Zane had watched him too carefully. Kai had approached him with that same mixture of concern and curiosity, and even Jay... Jay had been different.
He hadn’t been able to shake the words Jay had spoken the night before.
“You don’t have to pretend with me, Lloyd.”
What if I can’t be real with you, Jay? What if being real means losing everything?
His stomach twisted at the thought. The fear gnawed at him relentlessly. What if Jay could see through him? What if the others noticed too? How could he tell them the truth when he was still trying to understand it himself?
The knock on his door startled him, pulling him from his spiraling thoughts.
“Lloyd?” Kai’s voice came from the other side, hesitant but familiar. “Can we talk?”
Lloyd’s heart skipped. He didn’t want to face anyone—not now, not when his thoughts were in chaos. But the door creaked open before he could stop it. Kai stepped inside, eyes narrowed with a quiet concern that made Lloyd feel even more exposed.
Kai didn’t waste time with pleasantries. He sat at the edge of Lloyd’s bed, watching him with an intensity that made Lloyd feel trapped. “You’ve been distant lately,” Kai began, his voice carefully measured, “quiet. I know you’ve had a lot on your mind with everything going on... but I need you to know, if something’s bothering you, you don’t have to hide it. We’re a team, Lloyd. We’re your friends.”
Lloyd’s breath caught in his throat. A team. Friends. They were supposed to be a source of comfort, but right now, their concern felt like a weight he couldn’t bear. He wasn’t sure he could carry their expectations on top of his own self-doubt. He wasn’t even sure he knew how to be a friend anymore.
“I’m fine, Kai,” Lloyd forced out, the words tasting like ash on his tongue. The smile he gave felt hollow, stretched too thin. But it was all he could manage.
Kai wasn’t convinced. He leaned in slightly, his gaze softening. “Lloyd,” he said gently, “I know you. I’ve known you since we were kids. I can tell when something’s wrong. Whatever it is, you don’t have to carry it alone. You don’t have to be the perfect leader all the time. You’re allowed to be... you.”
Lloyd’s chest tightened at the words. Who am I? He wanted to scream it, to tear the mask away and show Kai the raw, fragile person he felt like inside. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t risk it.
“I don’t know who I am anymore,” he whispered, his voice trembling. The words spilled out before he could stop them, and for a moment, he felt exposed in a way that terrified him. Kai’s eyes softened, and the weight of his concern pressed against Lloyd like a suffocating embrace.
“You don’t have to have all the answers right now,” Kai said, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. “None of us are perfect. But we’re still here for you, Lloyd. We’re your family. Whatever’s going on, you don’t have to face it by yourself.”
The vulnerability in Kai’s voice broke through the storm in Lloyd’s mind for a moment. It was almost too much, too overwhelming. He had spent years hiding who he was—hiding his doubts, his confusion, his fear. And now, here was Kai, his friend, offering him the very thing he was terrified to accept: help.
“I just don’t know if I can do this anymore,” Lloyd said, his voice breaking. His hand clenched into a fist by his side, nails biting into his palm as the weight of everything he had kept hidden threatened to crush him. “I can’t... I can’t be what everyone expects me to be. I’m not strong enough.”
Kai leaned forward, his expression full of empathy. He placed a hand on Lloyd’s shoulder, giving him a grounding touch that made Lloyd’s breath hitch. “You don’t have to face it alone. We’re a team, remember? And we’re your family. Don’t shut us out.”
Lloyd closed his eyes, fighting the tears that threatened to escape. He felt like he was losing control of everything—his thoughts, his emotions, even his identity. And the more Kai spoke, the more it felt like he might have to face the truth of what he had been hiding for so long.
The truth. The one thing he couldn’t tell anyone. The thing that haunted him every second of every day. What if they didn’t accept him? What if he was too broken for them to love him, too different?
“Thanks, Kai,” Lloyd said quietly, trying to steady himself. “I... I just need some time.” He could barely look Kai in the eye as the words left his mouth, and he hated himself for it. But there was nothing else he could say, nothing else he could give. Not yet.
Kai nodded slowly, his hand lingering on Lloyd’s shoulder for a moment longer before he stood. “Whenever you’re ready,” he said softly, his voice warm with understanding, “I’m here. We all are.”
Lloyd nodded, the weight of the words pressing down on him as the door clicked shut behind Kai. He felt both lighter and heavier all at once. Kai’s concern had made him feel... seen. But it had also made the gap between who he was and who he pretended to be feel impossibly wide.
He had told Kai that he wasn’t ready, but the truth was, Lloyd didn’t know if he’d ever be ready. The fear of rejection, the fear of being seen as a fraud, felt like a constant ache in his chest. What if, when the truth came out, they couldn’t look at him the same way anymore? What if they saw him as weak, as different?
Later that night, the team gathered for their usual debriefing. Lloyd sat with them, but his mind was miles away. His thoughts were still tangled, still heavy. The others spoke in the background—Kai with his usual energy, Zane quietly analyzing their last mission, Jay asking questions with that familiar, teasing tone—but Lloyd couldn’t find the words to join in. He couldn’t focus on their voices, their faces, because all he could think about was the nagging question: What if they find out?
He opened his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, he smiled weakly and mumbled, “I’m fine. Just tired.”
Zane gave him a thoughtful look, but didn’t press. He didn’t need to. The team knew something was wrong, but none of them knew how to fix it. And, in that moment, neither did Lloyd.
Later, after everyone had retreated to their rooms, Lloyd found himself standing by his window, looking out at the stars. The silence of the monastery was deafening, but it was the only peace he could find. He longed to tell them the truth. To let the walls crumble, to let himself breathe without fear.
But what if that truth pushed them all away? What if he lost everything?
Another knock echoed in the quiet, and Lloyd’s heart leaped into his throat. Who else could it be? His hand shook slightly as he reached for the doorknob.
When he opened it, Jay stood there, his eyes soft but filled with determination. “Lloyd,” he said, his voice gentle but firm. “I know you’re struggling, and I’m not going to push you. But I just want you to know that whenever you’re ready, I’m here. We all are. You’re not alone in this.”
Lloyd swallowed hard, trying to hold back the surge of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. Jay’s words were a lifeline, and in that moment, he felt the smallest flicker of hope. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t alone after all.
“Thanks, Jay,” Lloyd whispered, his voice barely audible. He wasn’t sure if he could ever be ready to tell them everything, but in that moment, Jay’s presence was enough. For the first time in a long while, Lloyd didn’t feel like he was fighting alone.
And maybe, that was all he needed to begin with.
Notes:
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and Happy holidays