Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Mido-san, are you sure this is a good idea?” Sogo says, reading over the instructions of the piercing kit.

“It’s gonna be fine, Sogo. Trust me, it’s worth it.” Mido-san asks, holding up the needle far too close to Sogo’s face with a smirk.

“How worth it can this possibly be?” Sogo says, looking at the little stud earrings Mido-san picked out. Two diamond studs for himself, and two onyx studs for Sogo. Because it contrasts your hair, he said.

“Dude, just trust me.”

Sogo takes the needle from him and inspects it.

It’s hollow in the middle. The instructions say that’s so the stud can go through.

“My father is not going to like this,” Sogo whispers, watching the light of Mido-san’s bedroom reflect off the needle.

Sogo’s uncle had his ears pierced, Sogo remembers. He had a few earrings in each ear, and they always looked so, so cool.

Sogo wishes he could look remotely as cool as that.

“Let’s do this,” Sogo says, looking back up at Mido-san. He smiles at Sogo. That big, toothy grin looks good on him.

“You busy falling in love with me or something?” Mido-san asks, and Sogo brings his free hand up to his cheek. It’s burning. He had already felt it in his face, but oh, god.

How hard he must be blushing for Mido-san to notice like that…

Oh, god. Oh, god.

Oh, now he’s been staring for longer…

Look away, look away!

“I—I wanna do your ears first,” Sogo says, averting his gaze and barely hearing himself over the thudding of his heart.

“Go for it.”

“I need to sterilize everything first,” Sogo says, putting the needle back in the kit and grabbing the rubbing alcohol wipes to sterilizes all of the supplies and the stud.

Once that’s done, he holds his breath, and brings a wipe up to Mido-san’s left ear.

“I’m gonna sterilize your ear now,” Sogo says quietly, and then he makes contact.

There’s no going back now.

Mido-san laughs a little. “It’s cold.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re cute when you’re all focused like this,” Mido-san says while Sogo brings the cork behind his ear, as if Sogo wasn’t already red up to his own.

“Are you ready?” Sogo asks, lining up the tip of the needle.

“Yeah. Ow!”

“Stay still,” Sogo says, sliding the stud into the needle.

He pulls out the cork, and pulls the needle through. Then he slides in the backing on the other side.

“Done.”

Sogo backs away a little, and Mido-san looks at him with a glimmer in his eyes. “How do I look?”

“Pretty,” Sogo blurts out. “I—I mean—it looks pretty! Should I do the other one now?”

Sogo moves across the bed to Mido-san’s other side, and as he does, Mido-san leans forward and gives him a peck on the cheek.

Sogo lets out a little squeak despite himself.

“That’s my lesson in romancing girls.”

“To just randomly kiss them on the cheek?” Sogo asks, fighting to remember how to breathe, and how his heart should work, and how to control that too, and how to just, just, just—

“No, to fluster them like I’m flustering you.”

“I—I’m not flustered!”

Mido-san boops him on the nose. “Go ahead.”

“Huh?”

“My other ear.”

“O—okay,” Sogo stutters out, getting back to work.

Mido-san laughs again. Sogo thinks he could listen to that sound forever.

“What are we gonna do about school?” Sogo asks, lining the needle up.

“Who cares? It’s not like they’re gonna kill us. They don’t even care about what we do. And your dad’s not gonna kill you eith—ow!”

“Sorry,” Sogo says, sliding the earring into the needle with suddenly shaky hands. He starts to hear his own breathing grow a little unsteady, much like his hands as he slides the backing in.

“It’s your turn now, Sogo.”

Sogo sterilizes everything again. “Do you know how to do it?” he asks.

“I read the instructions too.”

“Okay.”

Mido-san sterilizes Sogo’s left ear. He’s right, it is cold.

“Chill out, man,” Mido-san says, and Sogo realizes how shallow his breathing has been getting.

“Sorry.”

“Are you ready?” Mido-san asks, and Sogo feels the cork behind his ear and the needle brushing against his skin.

Sogo wants this.

He’s his own person. He can do what he wants.

I’m gonna be like you, uncle.

“Yes.”

The needle hurts quite a bit, but the process is over within a few seconds.

“You didn’t even wince.”

“I have a pretty high pain tolerance.”

“Is that why you’re always downing the spiciest shit ever?”

“Yeah.”

Sogo hears the shutter of a camera, and he opens his eyes. He hadn’t realized they were closed.

Mido-san shows him a picture of his ear. The lobe is very red, much like his were when Sogo did his piercings, and there’s a small, hexagonal black stud in the centre of his earlobe.

“What do you think?”

“This is so cool, Mido-san...”

It’s shiny in the light of the room.

It’s rebellious.

It’s exciting.

“I love it.”

“I told you so. And it looks good. Really stands out.”

Really stands out.

Sogo picks up his own phone and looks at himself in the camera from farther away. 

Mido-san is right.

It really does stand out.

“My father is going to be livid,” Sogo says in almost a whisper.

“This is worth it, just like I told you. Let me do your other ear.”

Sogo shakes his head. He can envision it now. His father spotting the earring at first, and then the lecture that follows, and the panic and fear that always comes with that, and then needing to do better, and be better, and not step out of line, and follow his orders, and, and, and—

Sogo hears a door shut.

Mido-san is gone.

And Sogo can’t breathe.

It’s happening again, and he made Mido-san upset, and this is all his fault.

It’s happening again, it’s happening again, and Sogo can’t make it stop.

He claws at his hair, pulling until it stings to try and snap himself out of it.

You aren’t supposed to do this in front of people. Why are you doing this? This is all your fault. This is all your fault. This is all your fault. This is all your—

“Stop freaking out already, Sogo. Nothing even happened, why are you being all weird?”

“Sorry, sorry, sorr—”

Mido-san sighs in what must be annoyance. “Stop that.”

Sogo tries to slow down his breathing but it just won’t work. His chest hurts horribly.

“Um—um—I—I—”

Mido-san is upset. Mido-san is upset. Sogo is making it worse. Sogo is making it worse.

He needs to get out.

He’s not thinking, and he’s not breathing, and he’s grabbing his belongings, and he’s running out the room, and down the stairs, and out the door, and cold air hits him in the face.

You’re not supposed to touch the earring. You’re not supposed to take it out.

But before he can even process it, the earring is in his hand, and he knows his ear is bleeding, but it’s too late. It’s too late, and messed up, and he can’t breathe, and it’s pathetic, and he’s pathetic, and with blurry vision, ringing ears, and trembling legs, he gets to the sidewalk and starts to run.

Uncle, I’m sorry…

I couldn’t be like you.