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Magnus hung up the phone and went back to the kitchen.
"Duty calls?" asked Alec around his cup of coffee. Magnus sighed, already tired at nine in the morning.
"Yeah, the Faeries near Central Park, one of their children got hurt. Doesn't seem too serious but they fear magical poisoning. I'll go have a look, better safe than sorry."
"I have to go to the Institute, but it shouldn't last too long. I'll see you back here tonight?"
Magnus agreed with a nod and went for the door, but changed his mind halfway and turned back. He reached out for his lover to press a light kiss on his coffee stained lips.
"See you later," he said with a smile. Alec answered in kind. It was going to be a good day.
It was a terrible day.
Alec was still stuck at the Institute in the early hours of the evening. He was considering informing Magnus when his phone rang, in the middle of a briefing he could honestly have done without. Since he was spending more time at Magnus's place than at the Institute, he had the distinct impression that Jace and Izzy, but mostly Jace, made a point to call him every time they could for the most pointless things. Of course, he was still fully committed to his job as a Shadowhunter, but this was getting ridiculous.
Seeing Magnus's name on the screen, he picked up immediately, glaring back at Jace who seemed personally offended by the interruption.
"Yeah?"
"Alec."
Alec forgot about Jace and everything else, other than the desperate tone of his lover's voice.
"What is it Magnus? What happened, are you alright?"
Magnus had to hear the worry in his voice because he tried to reassure him, even if he sounded hollow and completely exhausted.
"I'm unharmed but... Could you... Could you come pick me up? I'm sorry I don't... I don't think I can make it back on my own.
"Are you sure you're not hurt?"
"Yeah, no, it's nothing urgent. It's..."
Alec could tell when Magnus was at a loss, when he was struggling to keep his voice from breaking. He heard him breathe sharply.
"There was indeed magical poisoning,” said the warlock with a carefully blank tone. There was a pause, but Alec knew what Magnus was going to say. He was already gathering his things by the time the man managed to add:
"He died. The child, he died."
Alec closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He had to stay calm, composed. Magnus needed him.
"I'll be right there."
"It's fine if..."
"Right. There. Text me the address."
He wanted to stay on the phone, as unpractical as it would be, so that the warlock would keep talking to him. He put his coat on, ignoring his siblings in the room.
"Is Magnus okay?" asked Isabelle with concerned.
"No, no, he's not. I have to go, he needs me.”
“We need you”, pointed Jace. Alec looked at him with an exasperated expression.
"You really don't. You can do without me."
"We shouldn't have to!"
Alec had a lot to say to that - really, for Jace to make such comments when he was still hung up to Clary's every words was ridiculous - but he didn't have the time nor the will at this moment. If he didn't know any better, he would think that Jace was jealous. Of what? Losing Alec's undivided attention probably, no longer being the focal point of his life. Until Magnus, he may have been under the impression that it would never happen. Well, Alec had been too.
"Deal with it," answered Alec before taking off.
He told the cab to wait for them while he went inside the faeries house to collect Magnus. The atmosphere was heavy and thick with despair to the point it made him choke up. He was getting more and more worried by the minute, but when Magnus joined him in the entry hall, he seemed as fine as he could be, at least physically. The blood on his clothes and his hands was obviously not his own, and Alec hated himself a little for being so relieved by that.
He tried to approach him but Magnus kept his distance. His expression was blank, his eyes devoid of emotions.
"Take me home," he pleaded without meeting his gaze. He stumbled, the light in his eyes dull and flickering, signs he had used up too much magic. Alec went to his side to offer his support. Magnus leaned heavily on him - he was exhausted.
No one stopped them or asked them anything on their way out. Alec figured Magnus had already wrapped up his visit, and, well, there was nothing more he could do for them now. They quickly left the grief stricken house.
Magnus, stubbornly dignified and reserved while they were outside, crashed into Alec's arms as soon as they were in the cab. The boy received the heavy weight of the warlock with a confused worry, but as long as Magnus wasn't saying anything, he wouldn't either. He just put his arms around his trembling shoulders and raked his hands through his hair soothingly, all the way to Brooklyn.
Magnus was still mute and closed off when Alec guided him gently out of the cab and into the apartment. He managed to pay the driver, take them up the stairs and unlock the door, half-carrying the warlock. He maneuvered Magnus into sitting on the couch and fell to his knees between his legs, taking him carefully in his arms, cradling his head, dropping light kisses into his hair. Magnus was motionless, his arms hanging limply at his side, but he pressed against Alec as if he wanted to disappear inside of him.
It was so rare, him failing at anything, losing something or someone. He was so powerful and so sure of himself, they tended to forget the rules of their world, the fact that anything could go wrong at any turn, that death was always close. They wanted to forget. It was too harsh a truth to face sometimes, too much to bear.
When Alec pulled away, Magnus jerked forward, like he was afraid he was going to leave. As if it was ever going to happen. Alec smiled softly.
"I'll just get us more comfortable, ok?" he said gently. Magnus nodded and let Alec moved him around. The Shadowhunter slipped his vest from his lover’s shoulder and tossed it aside. He loosened the first buttons of his shirt, untucked it from his pants, scrunching his nose at the dried blood cracking at every move. Magnus was following his every move with his eyes, still apathetic and very still, as if in shock. Alec was as tender as possible, slow and calm so as not to startle the other man.
He unlaced Magnus's boots and pulled them off gently. He was kneeling in front of the warlock, head bent, his hands resting lightly around his ankles, tracing circles on the smooth skin with his thumbs. His emotions were getting the better of him.
"I'm sorry," he offered quietly. He wished he could say more, wished there was something he could do to erase their pain, make it all better. For a moment, they stayed very still, tense and on edge, waiting for something, anything, to happen, to break the tension laying heavily on them.
When Alec managed to will himself to move again and tried to stand, Magnus grabbed him by the hand, eyes questioning.
"I need to wash all that blood," he explained with what he hoped was a steady voice.
Magnus shook his head and snapped his fingers. A bowl of steaming water and a washcloth appeared at their feet while the warlock sank back into the couch, eyes closed and chest heaving.
"You shouldn't do anymore magic in your state" scolded Alec without much feeling.
"Anything to keep you close" mumbled Magnus in response.
Alec chose to let it go and busied himself with his task, with intent and a sharp focus he always resorted to when he was feeling lost and unsure. He carefully scrubbed Magnus tan hands, mindful to remove the blood from under his fingernails up to his wrists. Even if the warlock could have easily done it by himself in the blink of an eye, they both found solace in the soothing gestures. When he was done, instead of releasing his grip on the warlock’s hands, he brought them to his lips, pressing ghosts of kisses on his knuckles. He heard Magnus sigh in contentment and felt him move his fingers, just barely, to press against his mouth.
Alec laughed a little when he saw the bottle of product next to some cotton disk on the floor near the couch.
"I want to sleep", said Magnus by way of an explanation.
"And you should never go to bed with make-up on" finished Alec lightly. It was a rule Magnus always spoke like a high commandment of life, which never ceased to amuse his lover.
"Exactly. There’s hope for you yet."
The ghost of a smile smoothed the lines of Magnus face. Alec got closer, cottons in hand.
"Tell me if I’m hurting you"
For all the times he had seen Isabelle and Magnus do it, he had yet to try it himself, and he had only a vague idea of how it was supposed to go. It would probably end up being the least efficient make up removal of all time, but Magnus seemed to enjoy it. Alec passed the disk on the dark skin, taking off foundation, eyeliner and glitters, slowly revealing his lover’s naked face.
"I’m tired."
"Let's get you to bed then.”
"Carry me?"
Alec rolled his eyes. For reasons unknown to him, Magnus loved to be carried around by his Shadowhunter. The thing was, the warlock wasn’t especially a lightweight, and even if Alec had more strength than most, there were limits to his capacities. Plus, he always felt incredibly silly.
Today however, he would have said yes to about anything Magnus could ask of him.
"Alright, but don't get used to it"
Magnus smiled and lifted his arms like a child demanding to be picked up. Alec chuckled at his antics and slipped an arm under his lover’s knees, the other behind his back. Thankfully, the walk from the couch to the bedroom was a short one. Magnus still found time to snuggle against his neck, breathing against his skin. When Alec tried to lay him down on the bed, he resisted, clinging tightly to his shoulders.
"Magnus? Come on, let go...”
"Not yet" he answered, and his voice was so small, so incredibly pained, Alec felt the urge to punch something. He managed, with some undignified twisting, to sit back to the wall on the sheets, Magnus gathered up in his arms, still hiding under his chin. He was trembling, but Alec knew he wouldn't cry. He never did. He hugged him tighter, one hand threading gently through his hair, more or less freeing it of the product Magnus liked to inflict upon it. He rarely used magic to ready himself - he once told Alec he took a special kind of pleasure into doing his makeup and hair every day, shaping himself into the person he wanted to present to the world. Which meant of course he could challenge Isabelle on her title of bathroom hoarder. Luckily, Alec's morning routine took between three to seven minutes, depending on if he was having a shower, so conflicts rarely arose on the matter.
Magnus finally regained enough composure, in his opinion, to come out of his haven in Alec arms. He sat up, bringing the young man back from his wandering thoughts.
"You okay?” Alec asked, caressing his cheek. Magnus smiled.
“I will be."
Alec nodded and started undressing the warlock again. Magnus was pliant and willing in his arms, content to just let Alec move him around like a doll. The young man unbuttoned his bloodstained sparkling shirt and threw it out of sight before removing his socks, pants and underwear. The fact that Magnus didn't make a single sexual innuendo proved how much he was out of it. Alec got up and made quick work of his own clothes under Magnus watchful eyes. He looked like he enjoyed the view, but he said nothing. As soon as the young man sat back on the bed, Magnus settled back in his arms, head on his bare chest, ear pressed against his beating heart. Alec brought the comforter around them and they finally relaxed a bit, tangled together in the safety of their bed.
"Alec?”
“Hm?”
“Don't ever die."
Alec froze, heart breaking a little. Magnus lifted his head to meet his gaze, small and pleading. It was an absurd thing to say, of course. Even without the underlying tragedy of their very different lifespan, even without the dangers of their respective duty, it was still an impossible thing to ask. But it didn't matter, not there and now. Tomorrow Magnus would probably regret his weakness and vulnerability, how he broke down and was unable to pick himself up on his own, and they would most likely never speak of it ever again. Tomorrow, things would be different; they would have to be strong, to stand tall. As for now…
"Never. I will never leave you"
They kissed, languid and slow, for a long time. It was something about relationships you never heard about as a hormonal teenager, Alec reflected. Pressed naked against each other, and just kissing unhurriedly, taking comfort in the other's warmth and closeness, being grateful of any strange turn in your life that led you to this place and time, to those feelings. And despite everything that had happened and still would, despite the instability of their situation, there was no place Alec would have rather been than here, comforting Magnus, making sure he wasn't alone, and never would be in the foreseeable future.
Magnus pressed a final kiss against his lips before settling back on his chest with a contended sigh.
"Thank you" he muttered against his skin. Alec held him tighter.