Work Text:
It’s not the first time it happens, but somehow it still takes Felix by surprise. Probably because it’s not nearly as common as it would be if they’d debuted ten years ago. Or, he knows with a sick twist to his stomach, if they were a girl group. Or if his hyungs were just a little less attentive, a little less caring.
The industry has made a decent effort to tackle the issue but, in the end, people are people. And some people will always use their power and position for their own ends.
As it is, Felix is rarely alone for long enough for the opportunity to arise, his members always there, staff and security almost constantly around unless they are on stage or tucked away in the safety of dorms, their own studios, their own practice rooms.
But it has happened before; a hand that lingers just a little too long, just a little too low on Felix’s back, whispered words that promise the kind of favours Felix doesn’t need in exchange for the kind of favours he’s not willing to divulge. It has happened before, to Felix, to Hyunjin, he knows for sure, and he thinks maybe to some of the others too, even though no one else has said anything.
And, well, it’s not like Felix has either. It’s never been serious enough to warrant involving anyone else, never anything Felix couldn’t extract himself from either by playing dumb or spoken for, sometimes with a thinly veiled threat. And once, memorably, with a friendly demonstration that his Taekwondo skills weren’t that rusty.
So no, today is not the first time it happens. But it is the first time it happens in front of someone else.
That the someone else is Chan makes it both worse and better. Worse, because Felix never wanted to put that look of shock on Chan’s face, never wanted to see the way it bleeds into anger, twisting Chan’s beautiful mouth into a snarl, frosting his eyes over with the kind of fury that makes Felix shiver. And yet, it’s better, because now Felix isn’t alone in the room with a man who had not taken the hint, who had dismissed an outright ‘no’ and who Felix couldn’t, couldn’t just push off because the consequences of that wouldn’t just fall on him, they would affect all of them. And that was a price he wasn’t ready to pay, at least not yet.
They’d finished the performance, the interview. They’d finished and been almost back to the cars, when Felix had realised he’d left his earbuds behind. One of the staff had offered to go back for them but Felix had waved her off, already jogging back toward the building. The security had huffed but hadn’t followed because it was a place teeming with professionals, other groups and their security, place where they’d all been to before, literal seconds ago, familiar and safe. Or so Felix had thought.
He'd not expected to find one of the MCs in the dressing room. He’d not expected anything that followed either, even though maybe he should have.
“Oh,” Yun Jongsu says, turning around when he hears the door. “Lose something?” Felix’s earphone case rests on the flat of his palm.
“Yes, thank you Jongsu-ssi.” Felix bows politely, stepping closer and reaching for it.
Slowly, with a smile that makes his TV handsome face twist unbecomingly, Jongsu puts the case into his own pocket, walking slowly around Felix.
“You should take better care of your belongings,” he says patronisingly. “Though I guess a pretty boy like you can always find someone to buy him new things.”
Felix’s head snaps back as if slapped. The words are beyond rude, and they startle all courtesy out of him. “Wha… What?” he blurts out.
Jongsu chuckles. None of the earlier joviality from the interview is there now.
“Or maybe you should pay me instead,” he says, “for recovering your lost property.”
Felix can feel his eyes widening at the… It’s not even an implication, only a shade shy of an outright extortion. Good thing is that Felix doesn’t need his earbuds back that much. The bad thing is that Jongsu must know that too, which means there’s probably something more he’s willing to put to the table. Felix has no desire to stick around long enough to find out what that is.
“Ah, it’s alright Jongsu-ssi,” he says, affecting a guileless ‘don’t mind me, I’m just a ditzy idol’ tone. “You keep them. I’m already running late and the manager—” He starts to step back toward the door, but Jongsu is already moving, putting himself in front of it in a few long strides, effectively blocking the only exit. Well, not really, Felix could definitely push his way past him with force if he needed to, he just can’t do that without drawing attention, which is clearly something Jongsu knows very well. Avoiding attention is perhaps the only thing they have in common right now. Both a strength and a weakness.
“Let’s not be hasty, Lixie,” Jongsu says and Felix shudders at the use of the pet name, sleazy and unwelcome from this man who has no right to it.
“Don’t call me that,” he hisses, regretting the outburst as soon as it’s out.
Jongsu looks delighted at the crack in Felix’s armour. “Aww, you don’t like it? Something you prefer more? Baby? Slut?”
Felix is honestly too stunned to respond. For the first time, there’s also a small stab of fear amidst the shock and disgust, because for someone to be this much of an asshole, this openly, means they think they’re holding all the aces.
“I know you won’t be able to stay now,” Jongsu says, “but we can go for dinner sometime soon.”
“No.” Felix is done playing dumb or polite.
“Aww, baby, don’t be like that about it.” Absurdly, Jongsu actually seems like he’s hurt by the rejection. “I’m really very nice when you get to know me. I could treat you well. Show you good time. Better than any of the other pretty boys I’m sure you’ve had trying to fumble their way into your pants.”
“Not. Interested.” Felix lets the implications go without a comment which only seems to enrage the other man.
“I can be nice.” There’s spittle on his lips, curled into an ugly sneer. “I don’t have to be.” He takes a step closer, and Felix stands his ground, chin tilting up, refusing to give this dickhead the satisfaction of backing down. “I could drop all sorts of rumours into wrong industry ears,” Jongsu continues, his tone overtly malicious. “Maybe about your performance? How the crew does a good job at hiding just how much autotune and lip-syncing is used, or how rude you really were to the make-up artists and the hairstylists here, treating them like shit on the sole of your designer boot.”
Each nasty threat sends a cold stab of dread into Felix’s chest. Jongsu could say all of that. He could say it and people would listen. Even if they didn’t believe him, it would be enough to cause a lot of damage.
Jongsu grins, teeth white and perfectly even. “Or perhaps something more… personal? How you spread your legs for your managers? Group members? Hyungs one might even understand, hell it’s practically expected, isn’t it? In our line of work.”
Felix fights nausea and a brief stab of sympathy at the connotations. It’s not an excuse but if Jongsu is replicating something that was done to him in his youth, it is an explanation. After all, most perpetrators are made, not born.
“But the dongsaengs too? That’s just perverse.” Jongsu shakes his head, mock concerned, and all traces of understanding fly out at his next words. “That makes you the predator, doesn’t it? Taking advantage. Because maybe that’s what all your members do, your leader…” He trails off. Smirks. “So, maybe you should reconsider. Maybe being nice to me so I’ll be nice in return won’t be so bad, hm?”
And Felix doesn’t care about his own reputation except for how it would reflect on the group but fuck if he wouldn’t lay down his life for his members so maybe… Jongsu must see the way he wavers, on the brink of crumbling, because his expression grows self-satisfied. Victorious.
Felix feels sick to his stomach, still trying to think of a way to, if not to get out of this, then at least to minimise the damage, when his attention is caught by something that flips the dynamics of the room with one silent swing of the door.
What Jongsu hadn’t noticed in his hurry to block Felix’s exit is that Felix never actually shut the door behind himself. It only looks closed but right now it’s being pushed open, revealing Chan on the other side. Judging by the expression on his face, all blank fury, his usually animated features like cold granite, he’s been standing there for long enough to hear most if not all of the conversation – if you can call it that – within the room. Felix feels relief flood his body like warm water, making his knees buckle. Chan is here. He’s not alone because Chan is here.
“So,” Jongsu says, blissfully ignorant, “shall we exchange contact details?”
“I think not.” Chan’s hand lands heavily on Jongsu’s shoulder, though only for long enough to shove him further into the room. This time, the door very audibly clicks shut but Chan’s attention is neither on the door nor on Jongsu but on…
“Felix?” He’s in front of him in two quick strides, gently turning them so he’s blocking Jongsu from view, hands on Felix’s upper arms feather light and withdrawing quickly. Felix misses the warmth immediately and Chan’s fingers keep convulsing, curling closed, then open, then closed again as if he’s barely stopping himself from reaching out again. Felix wants to cling and bury himself in Chan’s arms but there’s no way he’s doing that with Jongsu still there, refusing to give the man the satisfaction of seeing just how scared Felix had been.
“Are you okay?” Chan asks, voice low. “Did he touch you?”
Very briefly, a vindictive part of Felix considers saying yes. Chan would believe him. And with the two of them telling the same story, Jongsu’s chances of blackmailing his way out of that one would be minimal. Felix could destroy the man with just one word. Maybe he should.
But he thinks it would destroy a part of himself in the process. And the look in Chan’s eyes tells him that he would be destroying a part of Chan too. The worry and anger are to be expected, but somewhere underneath them there is also guilt, because of course some part of Chan views what happened as his failure to protect Felix, no matter how unrealistic.
Felix shakes his head. “No,” he says. “Just talking.”
“Yeah,” Chan says. “I heard.” The last part is directed at Jongsu, Chan turning a hard stare in his direction. “Quite a conversation.”
Jongsu is visibly nervous now, though he’s doing a decent job at hiding it. “Ah, I don’t know what you think you heard, Chan-ssi, but Felix and I were just joking around. Talking about baseless industry rumours. That kind of thing.” The laughter he forces out is a dry, soulless thing.
Needless to say, Chan is not amused.
“What do you want to do?” It’s directed at Felix. Chan’s giving him the choice, the power. And that feels good after having both stripped so fully away even if just for a moment.
“I just want to get out of here,” Felix says
“Do you want your earbuds?” Chan asks.
Felix thinks about the case, probably warm from being in Jongsu’s pocket, and shudders at the thought of touching it. “No,” he says. “Leave them.”
Chan nods like he understands. “Let’s go then.”
Felix is surprised and a little relieved that Chan seems willing to just leave, rather than get into it with Jongsu. They start toward the door, Jongsu stepping well out of the way now, backing all the way to the end of the room. Chan’s hand hovers around the small of Felix’s back and the warmth of it is familiar, comforting. Felix can feel the way adrenaline is draining out at every step, the tremor that seems to start somewhere deep inside him, the waves of fear and shock coming in with delay. Not quite reaching the shore yet, but he knows it will happen. The only thing he can hope now is that it’ll wait until they get back home.
They’re almost to the parking lot when two of their security jog over, clearly on their way to fetch them. The look of relief of their faces when they see both of them is obvious and welcome. After all the years, the staff are more family than colleagues but seeing palpable evidence of it still makes Felix’s heart swell.
“Taewon-hyung,” Chan says. “Get Felix into the car and get everyone back home please.”
Taewon looks like he might object but clearly sees something on Chan’s face that tells him it would be pointless. He nods and reaches out a hand toward Felix who is still reeling at the implications.
“Chris?” There’s nothing he can do to hide the distress in his voice. “What are you…? No. No, come with me.”
Chan’s face looks like his heart is breaking as he takes Felix’s hands in both of his. “Felix. Lixie. It’s okay. Go home. Please. I need you to…” His voice waivers and just like that they are clinging to each other’s hands in the middle of a nondescript corridor, desperate like lost children, grips tight enough to hurt and somehow still not tight enough. Felix feels tears burning at the backs of his eyes, can tell that Chan is no better. “Please, Lix. For me?” And oh, oh that’s not fair, because Chan has to know that there isn’t anything Felix wouldn’t do for him.
“Hyung…” He swallows, voice gravelly with emotion. “What are you going to do?” His mind flashes through countless possibilities from Chan going back to beat up Jongsu to calling the police or JYP or…
Chan only shakes his head, refusing to answer.
Felix exhales shakily. Okay. Okay then. Maybe he doesn’t really want to know anyway. But… “I don’t want… Chan, I don’t want this to come back to the group. I don’t want to make a big deal…”
The expression on Chan’s face shuts him up. “This is a big deal,” he whispers, fierce but quiet, well aware of their security within perfect hearing distance. “You, your safety, is the biggest fucking deal there is,” he continues, switching to English. Taewon and Miok are both passable in it, but both are doing a good job at looking like they’re not listening.
“You get that, right? Right? Felix?” The look in Chan’s eyes is intense, burning with something that warms Felix from the inside. He knows that Chan loves him, loves them all, he’s never been shy about showing it, but seeing it now, sharp and dangerous, coated in fury, not at Felix, never at Felix, but on his behalf… It makes his breath catch, fills him with a feeling that’s almost too big to understand, certainly too big, too important to voice now when Felix is still shaken up from what happened. What almost happened if not for Chan.
“Promise you won’t do anything stupid,” he demands instead, freeing his hands from Chan’s grip so he can grab the front of his jacket instead and shake him. “Promise me you won’t do anything to jeopardise yourself,” he clarifies, because he knows Chan would throw himself under an oncoming train to push Felix out of the way and this is not a train worth dying under. Because if it’s Chan instead of Felix who goes down as a consequence of it then Felix would rather he’d never showed up to interrupt Jongsu in the first place. “Promise me.”
Chan looks like he wants to argue but his ability to quell Felix with one look goes both ways and, in the end, he relents, nodding resignedly under Felix’s pleading eyes. “I promise,” he says, pulling Felix into a hug that’s over way too soon. “Just go home. I’ll be right back. I’ll be right behind you.” He pulls off and gently pushes Felix toward Taewon. “Miok-noona can stay with me.”
Felix looks at their other security guard, who nods grimly. She may not have picked up on the details but it’s clear that not all is as it should be. “Okay,” Felix agrees. Miok is no nonsense. She’s going to make sure Chan doesn’t do anything that’s going to backfire, and her loyalty, like all their long-term staff’s lies with the group, not with the label, and certainly not with the industry as whole. “Okay. But please, just…”
“I’ll come see you straight after,” Chan vows, expression solemn, “I’ll find you,” an echo of an earlier promise that they both recognise.
Felix lets him go, for now, watching as Chan and Miok head back inside the building before letting Taewon herd him toward the waiting cars and worried group members. Hyunjin takes one look at him and wraps him up in his arms immediately, glaring at anyone who looks like they might want to ask questions, though to their credit most seem to sense that now is not the time and the rest Minho-hyung is keeping in check with the power of his glare. So effectively, in fact, that Felix suspects Chan had found time to message him with some kind of explanation.
Felix spends the trip home curled up against Hyunjin’s side, Hyunjin’s headphones in his ears, Hyunjin’s playlist (some kind of low-fi mix that doesn’t fully calm him down but it does help) on a loop.
“Do you want your room or…” Hyunjin asks once they get to the dorms, tone gentle enough to suggest he already knows the answer. He certainly doesn’t look surprised when Felix says,
“Channie-hyung’s,” in a small voice. He doesn’t protest when Minho sends Jisung with the rest of the maknaes, ignoring all worried whining.
“Changbinnie’s on babysitting duty,” Minho says, hands on his hips and clearly brooking no arguments. “Lixie needs hot food and none of you are fit to provide it so I’m going over to the other dorm until Chan comes back.”
A chorus of ‘yes hyungs’ and only one ‘but!’ greets his announcement and Changbin is already steering Hannie away, hand heavy on the scruff of his neck, Seungmin and Jeongin following behind with only a few worried glances in Felix’s direction. Felix is grateful. He loves his members but right now he’s mostly exhausted and cold, and the idea of trying to explain what happened makes him nauseous. Rationally, he knows he did nothing wrong, that it was all Jongsu, but he feels dirty all the same.
“Shower,” he mutters once they get inside. “Can I… I want a shower.”
Hyunjin and Minho exchange glances but don’t say anything beyond Hyunjin’s soft “Of course. Go ahead. I’ll get you some clean clothes.”
Felix goes. It’s not the first time he’s showered in the 3racha+Hyunjin dorm and the familiarity of getting undressed amidst the clutter of beauty products and jars of protein powder, overflowing laundry hamper in the corner, does a lot to settle his nerves. He’s still shivering by the time he steps under the spray though, and for a minute or ten it gets worse, despite the water temperature being near scalding. The way his body is reacting right now has nothing to do with any physical reality of the moment, but the mental ‘what if, what if, what if’ that plays in a loop in his head. What if Chan hadn’t come to look for him? What if he’d come but just a minute later? And then, when those dissipate in response to the warmth and safety of his surroundings, the memory of Chan’s grip on him, grounding and strong, the utter bone-deep conviction of ‘I’ll always find you’, others start to creep in, each more terrifying than the next.
What if Jongsu has made good on his threats anyway? What if he hurts Chan? What if Chan is there right now, paying the price so Felix doesn’t have to? The thought of Jongsu’s hands anywhere near Chan makes Felix want to vomit and he fumbles the shower off, barely stopping to rinse off the soap lather, desperate suddenly to contact Chan. His phone is still on the closed toilet lid where he’d left it when undressing, and Felix grabs it, dripping wet and naked.
A knock on the door startles him, Hyunjin sticking his head in, a bundle of clothes in his hands. “Here,” he says. “Chan-hyung messaged the group chat. He’s on his way back now.” He glances at the phone in Felix’s hands. “But you’ve probably already seen that.” He looks like he wants to ask questions, and a bit like he’s already guessing at the answers, and sometime later Felix will tell him anyway, because out of all of them he thinks Hyunjin will understand the best. But for now, Hyunjin only reaches out and tucks Felix’s wet hair behind his ear. “Minho-hyung has made Kimchi-Jjigae. Get dressed and come eat.”
Felix looks down at his phone and there it is, the message, ‘ETA ~40mins.’ Relief floods his body, his knees almost buckling. Hyunjin definitely notices but only nudges the clothes into Felix’s hands. He takes them automatically and Hyunjin leaves him to it. There’s another message from Chan too, this one only to Felix. ‘Everything is fine,’ it says, ‘hyung handled it. I’m coming back to you now. Please eat, get warm. I’ll be there soon.’
Felix exhales shakily. Chan could be lying, saying everything is okay just to protect Felix, but Felix doesn’t think he is. Something like this… No, Chan wouldn’t. It would only blow up on their faces if he did, sooner rather than later. So, for now, and until Felix can make Chan look him in the eye and say it again, he’s going to take Chan on his word and do as he’s told. It helps, to have clear instructions right now, to not have to make decisions because Chan has made them for him.
Get warm.
Felix finally reaches for a towel and rubs himself dry. At first, he assumes Hyunjin has brought him some of his own clothes, since it’s not unknown for them to wear each other’s things, but the black joggers and deep grey hoodie are both too plain and too baggy to be Hyunjin’s. With a jolt that zings through him hot and sharp he realises that Hyunjin has brought him Chan’s clothing, the implications of it washing over him in a complicated mix of gratitude and humiliation (because god, is he that obvious?) and safety and possessiveness (because right now Felix doesn’t care how obvious he is, he wants to wrap himself in Chan and until he gets here, his clothes will have to do, and there is something deeply, selfishly satisfying to have it acknowledged, enabled even by his members). He gets dressed in Chan’s clothes and pads out of the bathroom.
Minho and Hyunjin are in the kitchen, sitting around the table and talking in hushed tones, but as soon as Minho sees Felix he gets up and ladles him a bowlful.
“Eat, Yonbok-ah,” he says, and it’s an order sure, but a gentle one, Minho’s hand smoothing over Felix’s hair in passing.
Felix doesn’t have much of an appetite, but Chan told him to eat at least something, so he tries. Minho’s cooking is excellent as always and it helps that both he and Hyunjin stay to eat with him. Minho starts talking about choreo ideas for their next comeback, a common topic for danceracha hangouts and one that would normally draw Felix’s attention but this time it’s only Hyunjin who actively contributes. Felix hums here and there, letting the familiarity of the setting and the conversation wash over him, and somehow, without him quite realising it, he has finished more than half of the food in front of him, and he does feel better for it.
Minho is just gathering up the empty dishes when there’s a sound of the front door opening and closing.
Chan’s home.
Felix is out of his chair and in the entrance hall before he has made a conscious decision to move. Chan is still in the middle of toeing off his shoes and putting his bag down but his heads whips around fast when he hears Felix, and he opens his arms without hesitation.
Felix barrels straight into them, fingers curling tight into the back of Chan’s shirt, a choked-off sob buried against his shoulder.
“Shh, shh,” Chan hushes, “I got you. It’s okay, it’s okay.” He rocks Felix side to side and Felix only clings harder.
Part of him expected to fully break down and cry now that Chan is here, but his eyes only ache as if he’d spent too many hours at a computer playing games. “Are you okay?” he demands, pulling back enough to look Chan in the eye. “He didn’t…?”
Chan’s expression goes soft when he realises what Felix is asking. “No, no sweetheart, he didn’t. He won’t hurt anyone ever again. I promise, I promise.”
Felix slumps back into Chan’s embrace, lets himself be half-coaxed, half-carried into Chan’s bed, tucked against his chest, held close while they wait for sleep that, against all odds, eventually comes. He’s safe. They’re safe. Chan promised. And Felix believes him, believes in him, more than anything or anyone else.
Next week the news of Yun Jongsu’s retirement from the entertainment industry hits the internet. He’s enough of a minor celebrity on his own right for the announcement, with no proper explanation and only the blandest of wording around shifting priorities and thank you for the opportunities, to generate some speculation. None of it, as far as Felix can see, includes accusations of inappropriate behaviour. He would like to think it’s because the thing with him was the first and only time, but more likely it’s simply because no one is willing to come forward. And Felix has no moral high ground here. After all, he’d practically begged Chan not to do anything that would risk publicity of any kind.
The important thing is that Jongsu is gone. Within two days, the news cycle has already moved to more interesting gossip and within another two, Jongsu’s replacement is announced, the show moving on to its next era with barely a blip.
Felix never learns exactly what Chan did or said to make it happen. He thinks Chan would tell him if he asked, but, honestly, he doesn’t need the details.
It’s enough to know that Chan did it for him.