Chapter Text
Six days before the Citadel
The gleaming hull of SSV Pax Terra loomed before her, a behemoth of metal and technology preparing for its journey to the stars. Katie stood on the launch field, eyes fixed on her father's ship as it underwent final preparations. The fuss of the Alliance personnel around her faded into a distant hum with its crew members moving like ghosts in her peripheral vision. Her mind was elsewhere, caught between the present moment and the past that clung to her like a shadow.
The first ever peace talks between humans and turians. The words echoed in her mind, laden with possibility and uncertainty. Could this really be? For the first time in years, she allowed herself to feel a flicker of hope.
The hum of the engines grew; a group of technicians scurried around the vessel's massive landing gear, running last-minute checks. Her father's voice carried across the field, firm and assured, as he was heading to board the ship surrounded by other delegation members.
She felt so much pride as she watched him in this pivotal time of human history. Every sacrifice, every agonizing choice he'd made had led to this moment. The journey to the Citadel represented more than just another round of prisoner exchange negotiations; it was the embodiment of a greater vision, a crucial step toward brokering lasting peace.
She knew what these talks meant to Admiral Shepard of the Alliance. She also knew what he hoped they would mean to her—a chance for his daughter to finally put the past behind her, to stop reliving her nightmares, to feel safe again. He believed that a change of scenery and exposure to the wonders of the station might help her heal and make her open up to him again.
Her heart broke at the thought of how hard it had been for the admiral to watch her wade through life after Lindor, barely present, barely alive. A shadow of her former self. No longer the spirited young woman, full of dreams and unbridled enthusiasm for the galaxy and its mysteries. Now, there was a heaviness to her, a constant struggle to find something normal in a world that felt anything but.
Unwelcomed memories flashed through her mind—vivid, visceral recollections that still had the power to twist her stomach. The smell of mold and terror. Deafening sounds of gunfire and cries of those she had been forced to hurt. The things they had made her do, things she could never erase, festered in her soul, consuming her with a shame. How could she tell her father what she had become in that place?
Or worse still—how could she ever explain that amidst the chaos and horror of it all, there had been something else? Something unexpected. A pair of piercing blue eyes, filled with concern and warmth. A dual-toned voice that had soothed her fears. Taloned hands that had been more gentle than anything she’d ever known.
Two years had passed since Lindor, two years of wondering if he was even alive. The war had claimed so many lives, and the thought that it had claimed his as well was too much to bear. Sometimes in her dreams, she would see him falling in battle, those avian eyes growing dim, and she would wake up gasping, reaching for someone who wasn't there. The not knowing was almost worse than the memories—at least those she could fight.
Katie took a deep breath, trying to center herself in the present. She had to stop thinking about him. Hadn’t she spent enough time dwelling on the things that had and could have been? She didn’t want to stay in the past anymore. The cool breeze against her skin, the solid ground beneath her feet, the distant roar of engines being tested—these were real. These were now.
Her fingers absently traced the Alliance insignia on her sleeve. She wasn't military, but her father had insisted she wore the uniform for this mission. "We need to present a united front," he'd said. The fabric felt strange against her skin, a constant reminder of the role she was expected to play. Standing beside the admiral at endless meetings and conferences, she had become known as one of the loud voices for peace. What would he think if he knew her conviction came not from diplomatic ideals but from memories of an enemy soldier holding her in his arms and feelings that defied everything her father had taught her?
Her eyes drifted to the endless sky. Somewhere out there, beyond the veil of Earth's atmosphere, lay the Citadel. Katie had seen vids of the massive space station, of course, but the thought of actually setting foot on it still seemed surreal.
What would it be like to walk those ancient corridors? To breathe air recycled by systems older than the human civilization? To stand face to face with species that, until recently, had been nothing more than theoretical possibilities?
Meeting other turians was a concern of its own. Katie's heart rate quickened at the thought. Would she be able to look at them without remembering? Her hand clenched involuntarily at her side. She had to. There was no other choice. Too much was riding on these talks to let her personal ghosts interfere.
Her somber reverie was interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps. She turned to see a group of Alliance officers making their way towards the ship, Major Kaidan Alenko among them.
The officers walked past her, nodding respectfully as they boarded the vessel. Alenko, however, hung back. His eyes met hers, and Katie felt a flutter in her chest at the warmth of his gaze.
"Miss Shepard," he said. "I thought you'd be on board already."
Katie managed a small smile. "Just taking a moment, Major. It's not every day we embark on a mission that could change the course of our history."
"It's a lot to process," he agreed. "Are you... how are you feeling about all this?"
The question was laden with meaning. She knew Alenko wasn't just asking about the mission.
"I'm..." Katie paused, searching for the right words, then looked out at the horizon. "I'm hopeful. Scared, but hopeful. Does that make sense?"
Kaidan smiled. "Perfect sense," he gestured towards the ship. "Want to head in?"
She shook her head. "Not yet. I want to stay out here a little longer. Soak it all in, you know? Before everything changes."
There was a wistfulness in her voice that made Kaidan ask, "Mind if I join you?"
Katie nodded, and they stood together in comfortable silence. The breeze ruffled her blond hair, and Alenko found himself fighting the urge to brush a stray strand from her face.
"It's beautiful, isn't it? Earth," she said softly, her eyes on the horizon. "Sometimes we forget to really look at it. To appreciate it. All we do now is stare at the stars and colonize hostile worlds…"
Kaidan followed her gaze. The sun was setting, painting the sky in vibrant hues. It was indeed beautiful, but he found his attention drawn back to her. The fading light cast a warm glow on Katie’s face, highlighting the delicate features and velvety skin.
"Yes," he said. "Beautiful."
She glanced at him, feeling the weight of his stare. A flush crept across her cheeks, before she looked away again.
"Kathreen," he began, voice low and earnest. "I... I've been wanting to talk to you about something."
It was the first time he had used her first name since… since Shanxi. The realization hit her like a whisper from the past, dragging her back to the moment he’d told her about his deployment. The moment he came to say goodbye. That one fleeting time when he had let her glimpse beyond the flawless military bearing, past the cold resolve in his storm-grey eyes. That time when he had stood so close, the warmth of his affection seeping through the cracks in the usual self-control. When he had silently asked her to wait for him—and when she had promised, in her heart, that she would.
Neither of them could have foreseen the long, arduous road to recovery that lay ahead for Kaidan after the battle. The wounds Shanxi had left were way scarier than the scars he now carried on the right side of his face.
But she still waited for him. Until Lindor, where she got scars of her own. The thought made her sad and bitter. They both had been so lost for so long, wandering in the dark, trying to find their way.
But as she looked at him now, she saw the change. Was he truly here? Had he finally found his way back? Did it mean she could do the same? Was there a hope for her too?
"Major," she started.
"Please," he interrupted gently. "Just... hear me out. I know things have been difficult. Since Shanxi. Then since… Lindor. Hell, since this whole war started. But I want you to know, I'm here. Whatever you need."
"I know," was all she could say.
He stepped closer. "Kathreen, I care about you. More than I probably should, given our positions. But I can't help it. And I think... I think maybe you feel something too."
She took a deep breath. Part of her wanted to embrace the safety and comfort she had been feeling in his presence for so long. But as she opened her mouth to respond, unbidden flashes echoed in her mind. Blue markings and sharp edges... She winced, forcing the images away.
"I... I don't know what to say."
He reached out, gently touching her cheek. "You don't have to say anything. I just needed you to know. Before we go to the Citadel, before everything changes. I needed you to know how I feel."
Katie closed her eyes and leaned into his touch for a moment, allowing herself to imagine a future where this could work. Where she could let go of the past and embrace what Alenko was offering.
But the guilt gnawed at her. How could she even consider this when her heart still clung to memories of another?
"Is there..." Alenko seemed to read her mind. "Is there someone else? Because if there is, I’ll completely understand…"
Katie's eyes snapped open. "No," she said quickly. Too quickly. "There's no one else."
Kaidan studied her face, and she could see the doubt in his eyes. "Was there someone else?"
She remained silent, unable to lie but unwilling to speak the truth.
"I'm sorry," he said, withdrawing his hand. "I didn't mean to pry."
"There was... someone. A long time ago. But it's over now. It has to be."
Kaidan gave a thoughtful nod, processing her words. He wanted to ask more, to know who this man was. But he could see the way she seemed to curl in on herself at the mere mention of this person. The emotion that glistened in her violet was unmistakable—loss, and all the agony that went along with it. He knew the feeling all too well.
"It’s alright. We don’t need to talk about it.”
She forced a smile, but didn’t say anything else.
They stood in silence for another moment, each in their own thoughts. Katie looked at Alenko. He was everything she should want—kind, reliable, human. A safe choice.
"Kaidan," she finally said, breaking the silence. The major straightened up at her addressing him by his name, first time in… forever? "I need you to know something."
"What is it?"
She took a deep breath. "I care about you too. Deeply. But I..."
She struggled to find the right words. Kaidan waited patiently.
"I'm not the same person I was before Lindor. My... experience there changed me. And I'm still trying to figure out who I am now, what I want."
Alenko nodded slowly. "I understand."
She knew he didn’t. But he had surely tried. Ever since he had found her on Lindor he’d been so delicate with her, so attentive.
"It's more than that," Katie insisted, frustration coloring her voice. "There are things I can't tell you. Things I can never tell anyone. And it's not fair to you to start something when I'm carrying all these secrets."
Kaidan's brow furrowed in concern. "Kathreen," he said gently, "whatever it is, whatever happened... it doesn't change how I feel about you."
She shook her head. "You don't understand. If you knew..."
"Then help me understand," Alenko urged, taking her hands in his. "Please. Let me in."
For a moment, she was tempted. The weight of her secret pressed down on her, threatening to suffocate. How easy it would be to let it all spill out, to share the burden with someone she trusted.
"I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't."
He searched her face, seeing the pain and conflict in her. Slowly, reluctantly, he gave up. "Okay. It’s okay. But Kathreen, whatever it is... I'm here. When you're ready, if you're ever ready..."
"It means more than you know," she whispered.
“You must think it’s selfish of me to speak of my feelings amidst something as important as the peace talks.”
Her eyes found his as he continued, “But I’ve been thinking a lot about it. And maybe this is exactly the right moment. Maybe the Citadel could be the change of scenery both of us so desperately need, and we might explore what lays ahead. Together."
Katie hesitated, thinking about what he said. Wasn’t it the same thing she wanted herself? Would it be that terrible to try? Could this man help her leave her past behind? God, she wished he could.
"Maybe," she heard herself say before she could stop it, and that one word was all he ever needed.
The sun had nearly set now, the first stars beginning to appear in the darkening sky.
"Look at that," she said, her eyes finding the horizon once more. "I'm going to miss it."
Alenko allowed the shift in conversation. "Yes," he agreed. "But just think of what we're going to see. The Citadel. It's supposed to be incredible."
She agreed, a hint of excitement creeping into her voice. "To actually be there... to walk its immense space..."
"To make history," Kaidan added softly.
Their eyes met again, and for a moment, all the complications fell away. They were just two people on the brink of an incredible adventure, filled with hope and trepidation.
"All personnel, prepare for boarding. Departure in T-minus 30 minutes," came in the sudden announcement.
"We should head in," Alenko said, his usual cold demeanor returning.
Katie nodded, but made no move to leave. "Just... a few more minutes?"
"Of course," he said with a smile, taking in the sight of her. She was right, another couple of moments of the breathtaking view couldn’t hurt.
As the night deepened around them, Katie felt a strange comfort. Alenko’s presence soothed her, filled her with sudden hope she never associated with him before. And though a part of her still ached for someone else, she found it easier to push those thoughts away, bury them deeper.
After what felt like both an eternity and no time at all, Kaidan's eyes searched her face.
"Ready?"
Katie squared her shoulders. "As I'll ever be."
***
They made their way through the corridors towards the briefing room. At the doors, Katie straightened her posture and schooled her features into a mask of calm. Whatever personal turmoil she felt, it couldn't show. Not to the admiral.
Peace was what mattered. Peace for humanity, and maybe, just maybe, for her own heart.
She followed Kaidan into the conference room, and the buzz of conversation washed over them. Admiral Shepard sat at the head of the table, surrounded by Alliance officers and delegates. Aside from the core military figures of their delegation—Vice Admiral Hackett, General Anderson, and Lieutenant General Ezno—the room was filled with people she didn’t know.
"Ah, Major, Kathreen, join us," her father said, gesturing to empty seats.
They slid into the chairs, and Shepard raised a hand, commanding attention.
"As you all know, we're embarking on a mission of high importance. Due to the sensitive nature of our task, some of you have been cleared for the information just hours before departure. All classified data has been uploaded to your omni-tools and encrypted. Non-classified materials are on the datapads.”
Katie watched as the people around the table activated their arm devices, the orange glow illuminating their faces. She glanced at Kaidan, who was intently scrolling through the files.
Meanwhile, the admiral continued. “Don’t worry, you will have plenty of time to study all of it. The journey to the Citadel will take us days, and we'll spend most of the time in this room, briefing you on the specifics and refining our strategy. Now, let's begin with a review of our primary objectives. Vice Admiral Hackett, if you would."
Hackett cleared his throat. "Our main goal is to establish a framework for lasting peace with the turians. This isn't just about ending the current conflict—it's about creating a foundation for future cooperation and securing humanity's place in the galactic community. We need to project confidence through our negotiations while showing we're open to partnership. Turians respect strength, but they also value honor and fairness."
Admiral Shepard nodded. "Liam, what can you tell us about the turian delegation?"
"Sir,” Liam Stone, the admiral's staff officer, straightened in his seat and began briefing those not yet in the know. “The turian delegation is led by Primarch of Palaven Castis Vakarian. He is a hardliner, but there are whispers he might be more open to peace than he lets on."
"Can we trust those whispers?" Katie asked.
"We can't rely on rumors," Shepard replied, "but we can't dismiss them either. We need to consider every possibility."
“The turians are as exhausted as we are,” Hackett remarked. “They need this peace as well. Especially, in light of the latest scandal involving Eletania.”
"The Primarch had a long and distinguished military career,” Liam continued. “He's known for being methodical and strategic. We can expect him to approach these talks with the same precision he'd use on a battlefield."
"That could work in our favor," Anderson interjected. "If we can appeal to his strategic mind, show him that peace is the most logical outcome."
Katie spoke up. "What about finding common ground? Both our species value sacrifice for the greater good. We've both suffered losses in this war. Maybe that shared experience could be a point of contact?"
Admiral Shepard gave her a faint smile, appreciating the way her mind worked, as he had already suggested that very idea.
"It’s on the agenda,” Liam confirmed. “But we need to be very careful about our wording. Turians value directness, but we don't want to come across as pointing fingers or accusing.”
"What else can you tell us about turian negotiation tactics?" one of the officers asked.
As Liam launched into a detailed explanation of alien diplomatic customs, Katie found her mind wandering, attention split between the conversation and the datapad she took from the table. She scrolled through the files, until a flash of blue caught her eye. Her pulse quickened as the face of a turian leader stared at her from the image with strange intensity. She peered at a set of facial markings breathtakingly similar to the ones she tried to forget for so long.
"Kathreen?" Her father's voice cut through her thoughts. "What is it?"
She blinked. "Nothing," her voice was steadier than she felt. "I just... I've never seen markings quite like these before."
Liam jumped in, immediately giving the explanation on the subject. "The blue markings are characteristic of certain Palaven clans. Each pattern is unique to a specific family or region."
Katie nodded, trying to appear merely interested rather than shaken.
It's just a coincidence, she told herself. Many turians must have similar markings. It doesn't mean anything.
She set the datapad down, willing her heart to slow its pace. But even as she tried to dismiss it, a niggling doubt remained. It wasn't just the markings that had caught her attention. There was something about the eyes in that image—a shade of blue that was disquietingly familiar.
Katie pushed the thought away, focusing instead on the ongoing briefing, where one of the intelligence specialists was speaking on the turian stance with the Citadel Council.
"They say the Primarch doesn’t trust the Council to be entirely neutral. They are known for always pushing their own agenda. Might be one of the reasons it took the Hierarchy this long to accept the Citadel’s offer to mediate."
“Then we have more in common than we thought,” Shepard said with a grim smirk.
"What about the rest of their delegation?" someone asked. "Surely, the Primarch isn't the only one we need to consider."
Liam nodded. "The delegation includes several high command officers and political advisors. From my assessment, they all seem to be forthright individuals. One name that stands out is Admiral Septimus Oraka. He's a decorated war hero with significant influence in the Hierarchy."
"And what's his stance on humans?"
Liam's brow furrowed. "Given his military background, we can assume he'll be cautious, if not outright suspicious of our intentions."
"Just your standard turian, then," one of the officers said, and the room chuckled lightly at the remark.
“In any case,” Liam continued, “while providing their valid perspectives and expertise on different areas, the turian delegates will follow the Primarch’s lead. All of them are pretty predictable players except one. Primarch's son is a wild card."
Katie's heart stopped. Son? She hadn't even considered... No, it can’t be.
“How so?” someone asked.
“He’s had a stellar service record up until a couple of years ago. Not much information about him in the turian rolls of honor recently. As if he has fallen out of the Hierarchy’s good graces. Which makes his participation in the talks rather unexpected.”
“We think there’s more at play here?” Anderson asked.
"Not necessarily,” the staff officer shrugged. “Major Garrus Vakarian is a good strategist. He might be included on that merit alone."
The world seemed to blur as she heard the name.
Primarch’s son. With trembling hands, she reached for the datapad again, frantically searching through the dossiers. Time slowed to a crawl as she found the file she was looking for. And there he was. Looking at her from the screen with the most intense gaze. Garrus. Her Garrus.
No… not hers. Never hers.
She couldn't breathe.
The conversation around her faded into background noise as her mind raced. Oh god! What was she going to do? How could she face him? How could she keep her secret now? Would he even care if she could? Was he thinking of her? Would he pretend not to know her? Or worse, would he reveal their shared past, throwing the peace talks into chaos?
Katie glanced at Kaidan, hoping to find reassurance in his steady presence, to help ground her as he did less than an hour ago. But his attention was focused intently on his datapad, brow furrowed in concentration. She noticed a subtle shift in his demeanor—a tension in his jaw, a hardness in his eyes that hadn't been there before. It was a look she had seen flicker across his face occasionally since Shanxi, but never with such intensity. She wondered what information in those files could have caused such a reaction.
Before she could ponder it further or try to catch his eye, Admiral Shepard's voice rang out, bringing the meeting to a close. "Everyone’s dismissed. Get some rest. We shall reconvene in twelve hours for further discussion. Liam, I need you to prepare…"
As the room began to clear, Alenko was the first to leave. He walked away without even looking at her, and Katie felt even more confused.
"Kathreen?" Her father called. "A word, please."
She hung back while the others filed out. Once they were alone, Admiral Shepard's stern expression softened. "I noticed you seemed... distracted during the meeting. Is everything alright?"
She hesitated. What could she answer to that? It was the same dilemma all over again. Telling him about Garrus meant telling him about everything else. And worse—burdening her father with knowledge that could shift his focus at the worst possible time. With so much riding on his shoulders, his thoughts had to remain unclouded, sharp. It wasn’t time for personal confessions or fractured loyalties, when humanity’s first real chance at peace hung in the balance.
The admiral didn’t need the truth. Not now. What he needed was for her to be strong. He needed to believe that she could stand by his side and face the turians as an advocate for their coexistence. If he saw even a hint of the conflict churning within her, he might decide she wasn’t ready, might dismiss her from the peacekeeping mission altogether. That she could never allow.
"I'm fine," she heard herself saying. "Just a bit overwhelmed, I guess."
Shepard studied her face for a moment, not entirely convinced. Finally, he said, "Alright. Try to get some sleep. We have a long journey ahead of us."
Katie left the conference room, each step heavier than the last as she made her way to her quarters. The ship hummed around her, hurtling through space with all the power of its FTL drives, and it felt like a cruel joke of the universe. The Citadel of dreams and new beginnings now seemed to be a gravitational pull for every fear she had. The memories she’d fought so desperately to leave behind were rushing toward her at superluminal speeds, and she was utterly unprepared for the collision.
***
Kaidan's boots echoed through the corridors of the ship. He had no destination in mind; he simply needed to move, to put distance between himself and the briefing room. His thoughts were a whirlwind of emotions, dominated by a fury he thought he had long since buried.
The image from the datapad burned in his memory—those predatory eyes of a cold-blooded killer, the distinctive facial markings. There could be no mistake.
Vakarian.
The rage bubbled up inside him, hot and violent. For years, he had dreamed of revenge, of finding the turian who had nearly ended his life and returning the debt. And now, here he was—Major Garrus Vakarian, son of the Primarch, member of the turian peace delegation.
Kaidan's fists clenched at his sides, knuckles turning white. The irony of the situation was not lost on him. The very turian he despised most in the galaxy was now untouchable, protected by his status and the delicate nature of these talks.
The ship hummed around him, hurtling through space with all the power of the FTL drives, and it felt like a cruel joke of the universe. Could he do it? Be so close to the object of his hatred and yet unable to act on it? He didn’t have a choice; it was too late to change anything now. The traumas and mistakes of the past were rushing to meet him at superluminal speeds, and he had to prepare for the collision.