Archive of Our Own ^beta

Stede doesn’t get a good look at the invitation until after Frenchie has left and he’s already agreed with Ed that they should go. “Oh, the invitation is for Sir Godfrey Thornrose and his wife. They’ll be expecting a married couple.”

Ed goes very still at that. “Is that gonna be a problem?”

Stede looks at Ed. He often feels there is an extra layer to what Ed says, a secret code he can’t quite crack, but he understands this layer all too well.

Ed is trying to hide how worried he is that it’ll be a problem.

Stede has tried and failed to hide his own worries a lot throughout his life, and each time someone scoffed or dismissed his concerns. He won’t do that to Ed. “Well, it means that if we want to go to this party together, we’ll have to show up as Sir and Mrs Godfrey Thornrose.”

Ed stares at him, dark eyes wide. “One of us is gonna have to be the wife?” His voice trembles, and Stede is sure he knows why.

“I’ll be Mrs Thornrose,” he declares, standing up straighter and hoping he doesn’t sound nervous. Wife. He’ll be Ed’s wife. Pretend to be Ed’s wife. For the party. It’ll be fine. He’ll be fine. His stomach squirms nervously.

“And I’ll be...” Ed gestures vaguely between them. “I’ll be your husband.” His voice is soft. Tentative.

Stede’s chest is tight, and he doesn’t trust himself to speak without Ed picking up on his nerves. This isn’t about him. This is about Ed. Stede nods, just once. He’ll worry about acting like a married wife to Ed later.

“Right,” Ed says, eyes still wide. “Right.” He takes a deep breath and looks away. Stede feels like he can breathe again. “Then I guess we should both get ready.”

“Frenchie mentioned there are still some suits without blood on them. While he and the crew have probably stolen some already and claimed them for themselves, we can see if there’s anything good in your size.” Stede looks at Ed, at his lovely long hair and beard, and he’s admired both before, but now he has to think about it in the context of a party. How to style it. “Oh! Perhaps they have accessories!” Bows, hair combs, decorative hair clips, if they’re lucky. Stede has some on the Revenge, but he’s a pirate now. If he can steal some hair accessories, he absolutely will.

“Accessories?” Ed frowns at that. “Like what?”

“We should find out! Oh, hopefully they’ll have ribbons in different colours.” Stede’s mood brightens at the thought. He grabs Ed’s hand to lead him down the passageway. “We could braid ribbons in your hair. Maybe some small bows. I think those would look lovely in your beard. Or flowers? How do you feel about flowers in your hair, Ed?” Stede pauses, worried he’s being overexcited. He usually is. Maybe Ed doesn’t want Stede fussing over his hair or beard. Maybe Ed just wants a nice suit. He wouldn’t be the first man who is only focused on that.

And not that there’s anything wrong with that! Of course not! Clothes maketh the man, and all that.

But accessories. The details. Those are what can take a man from being dressed well to being dressed exquisitely.

And Ed deserves to look exquisite at tonight’s party.

Not that he doesn’t look exquisite right now! The leather is certainly a look, and the one-sleeved jacket is a bold choice. One that tells Stede that Ed understands how clothes maketh the man as well.

The silence between them lingers, making Stede more nervous, and he follows Ed’s gaze down at where Stede grabbed Ed’s hand.

Right, of course, he can’t just drag Ed around as if he’s an unruly child. He lets go of Ed’s hand, clasping both of his behind his back to resist the urge to take Ed’s hand again, to feel the warm leather of his fingerless gloves and the brush of his calloused fingers…

Stede clears his throat, and that makes Ed snap his head up to meet Stede’s eyes.

“Flowers sound great. I mean, whatever helps me look good for the party, you know?” Ed shrugs, glancing away.

Stede smiles, recognising what that glance away means. “I don’t think you’ll need much help with that, Ed!”

Ed’s eyes meet his again, warm and soft and oh, Stede doesn’t understand this look at all. “I think I’d still like yours.”

“Then help I shall,” Stede declares, because he wants to. Because Ed wants it. Because Ed sounds curious about ribbons and flowers and accessories. “Cinderella shall go to the ball!”

Ed’s beard twitches in amusement at that. “Just keep me from turning into a pumpkin, all right?”

Stede beams at him. “Oh, I don’t know. I think you’d make a lovely pumpkin!”

They eventually find Frenchie in the room Oluwande’s sharing with Jim with a pile of clothes on the bed. Frenchie is holding up a burgundy waistcoat in front of Oluwande. “C’mon, mate, this looks your size! Try it on, at least?”

“Captain!” Oluwande’s eyes are wide as he looks at Stede. “I’m sure there are very important duties I have to do, right? Duties that mean I can’t join Frenchie to this party?”

Stede frowns slightly at Oluwande raising his eyebrows pointedly, but then he notices the pleading expression in his eyes. Ah, of course! “Nonsense!” he replies cheerfully. “I’m sure whatever needs doing can be done by someone else. Besides, we’ve got Ed’s crew helping as well now. You should join us!”

“Helping, yeah,” Oluwande mutters. Weird, he doesn’t sound as happy to go as Stede assumed. Hmm, perhaps he’s worried about looking the part?

Stede takes the waistcoat from Frenchie, holding it up in front of Oluwande as well. “This colour is good on you, Olu. And Frenchie’s right, it definitely looks your size.”

Oluwande groans. “I’m gonna look like an idiot wearing that!”

“You’ll still need the right breeches and coat to go along with it, of course…” Stede’s already scanning the pile, but Frenchie is faster than he is, already grabbing a coat that’s several shades darker, a rich brown bordering on red. “You’ve certainly got a very good eye for colours, Frenchie!” He can’t believe Frenchie never mentioned that before.

Frenchie shrugs. “Eh, it’s just about trying different colours and seeing what works best, isn’t it?”

Stede smiles. “You’d think so, but trust me, there are plenty of people who insist on wearing clothes in unflattering colours! I think this’ll go very well together. Come on, Oluwande, at least try them on while I find something for Ed to wear?”

“You two are going to the party?” Oluwande asks, who is holding the waistcoat and coat but at a distance, as if he’s afraid they’ll bite.

Ed nods, then shrugs. “Figured it might be fun, you know.” His eyes dart from Oluwande to Frenchie to Stede.

Stede smiles reassuringly, hoping it doesn’t betray his doubt. He knows Ed wants to go, and he wants Ed to have fun, but he’s not sure whether Ed really will. “And getting ready for it is half the fun!”

“Is it?” Oluwande eyes the waistcoat suspiciously.

“Yes!” Stede insists. For him, it had been most of the fun, but Oluwande and Ed don’t need to hear that. He’s always loved an excuse to dress up and spend extra time on his appearance, on getting himself a new waistcoat or coat for the occasion. But the colours that are in fashion for men are so drab and dark and boring. Stede has made sure his wardrobe on the Revenge was bright and colourful. He’s a pirate, and pirates are not drab! Ed’s leathers may be black, but definitely not boring. “Frenchie, why don’t you help Oluwande elsewhere while Ed and I sort through this pile? Also, did you find any accessories? Hair clips, perhaps?”

“Maybe,” Frenchie says, taking the coat from Oluwande. “We found a drawer with fiddly jewellery and flowers?” He nods at the cupboard behind Stede. “But honestly, it’s best to do the accessorising last. Make sure it matches the outfit, you know.”

“Obviously,” Stede huffs. He’s hardly going to make that rookie mistake. They’re in no position to commission a coat for Ed just because it would go with some lovely beard bows. They’ll have to make do with what’s available. “Right, off you go. Make sure you pair that coat with a nice, brightly coloured cravat. It really makes—”

“It makes the outfit pop, yeah, I know,” Frenchie tells him, ushering Oluwande out. “Don’t worry, Captain, I know what I’m doing.”

“Just trust him, Olu!” Stede calls after them, hearing Oluwande splutter in protest. He turns to Ed, who is eyeing the pile of clothes with trepidation. “Don’t worry, Ed. We can find you something just as lovely, if not lovelier!”

Scratch that, they are definitely going to find something lovelier for Ed, because Stede will not have Oluwande outshine Ed, even if Oluwande is wonderful and kind and has been very helpful. Just not as wonderful and kind and helpful as Ed, obviously. Stede beams at Ed. “Why don’t you look through the clothes to see if there’s anything you like? I’ll look at that drawer Frenchie mentioned. I also have some hair accessories in my cabin, but well, we’re pirates.” He smiles. “Why not wear something we raided?”

“Fair point.” Ed still looks intimidated by the pile of clothes on the bed, then squares his shoulders and steps closer, running his hand down a pair of peach breeches.

Stede bites his tongue to stop himself from pointing out that that colour doesn’t suit Ed at all, and instead turns to look at the drawer. “Oh!” He can’t help but exclaim with excitement at some of the pieces. Hair combs decorated with pearls! A couple of flower garlands! It’s enough to distract Ed from going through the clothes, and Ed joins him in rifling through the drawer filled with treasures. They take out different pieces, admiring them together, and Stede’s heart swells as Ed picks out hair combs and garlands and necklaces, handling them gently before putting them back. “Why don’t you continue looking at these, and I’ll look at the clothes?”

Ed smiles. “Yeah, probably a better idea. You’ve got a better eye for clothes, after all.”

“I do not!” Stede protests. He won’t have Ed put himself down like that. “Your leathers are very well-maintained and suit you beautifully!”

Ed stares at him in surprise. “Stede, they’re just leather. Anyone can get leather trousers like these.”

“Possibly,” Stede concedes, letting his eyes travel down Ed’s body to admire said trousers. “But there are a lot of different leather trousers out there, and you chose a fine pair. Plus, your jacket! You customised it! Made it unique.”

Ed scrunches his nose. “The sleeve kept bothering me when sword-fighting, so I chopped it off.” He shrugs.

“Still.” Stede’s eyes dart up to Ed’s bare arm and the many tattoos decorating it. They’re all so different, so Ed. Stede’s jealous that Ed had the guts to choose something as permanent as those tattoos. “You changed something you didn’t like about your jacket. I’ve never done something like that.” He reaches out to trail his fingers along the hem of the shorter sleeve, his fingertips brushing against Ed’s skin. “You made it into something unique. Something you.”

Ed shrugs and smiles. “Yeah, I guess.”

Stede hums, and his cheeks redden when he realises he’s been stroking the leather and Ed’s bicep absentmindedly. He pulls his hand back, stomach squirming again at his own behaviour. This isn’t about him. This is about Ed. “But you wanted to wear something else! I’ll help you pick something and then we can go back to my cabin so we can get changed.” He immediately turns to face the pile of clothes instead and reminds himself to focus on what Ed should wear that evening rather than on how good it felt to touch him. Stede won’t let his new friend down.

*

Stede eventually selects a couple of breeches, coats, shirts, stockings and waistcoats to bring back to the cabin, telling Ed to bring the whole drawer. As Frenchie said, they need to put together an outfit first and then pick the accessories. He passes Wee John, who steps back into a passageway to let them pass. “Are you keeping those?”

“Maybe,” Stede replies. “Ed and I are going to that party tonight and he needs something to wear.”

Wee John hums in thought as he scrutinises the pile in Stede’s arms, then glances at Ed, who is still carrying the drawer. “I like that purple with the gold sequins,” he says, nodding at a sleeve.

“Good eye!” Stede grins up at him. “I think it might be the one, but Ed’ll have to try it on first.”

“Might not suit me,” Ed mutters, looking at the hair pieces in the drawer.

Wee John tilts his head and looks at Ed. “The colour definitely does,” he says confidently. “Plus, you can’t go wrong with a sequin.”

“That’s what I always say!” Stede smiles at Ed, who still looks unsure. “Come on, Ed! It’s two against one. That means you should at least try it on and see how it looks.”

“I guess I can give it a go.” Ed looks at Stede, then Wee John, who nods. “Always liked purple.”

“Come along, then! We don’t have much time.” Stede leads the way. “We only have a few hours, and there’s so much we still need to do!”

“True,” Ed says, after they’ve left Wee John behind. “You still need to find a dress, don’t you? For when you pretend to be Mrs Thornrose?”

“That, um,” Stede keeps walking, feeling his cheeks redden. “That won’t be an issue!”

“It won’t?”

“Hm-mm!” Stede isn’t sure how he’ll explain this to Ed, and he can no longer ignore the fact that he’s going to have to. Ed didn’t seem to mind Stede offering to be Mrs Thornrose, and Ed’s the one who suggested Stede find a dress. Surely Ed won’t be surprised that Stede… that in his auxiliary wardrobe… that there already is a dress in there? One that fits Stede perfectly? His throat tightens at the thought of having to explain it. Of Ed frowning or asking awkward questions. He tries to keep his hammering heart under control as they enter his cabin, Ed knocking the door shut with his hip and he immediately puts the drawer on Stede’s coffee table.

“Right.” Ed has his hands on his hips. “Let’s start with the purple, then.”

Stede puts the clothes on his sofa, and carefully picks out the purple breeches, waistcoat, and coat. “Here you go.”

Ed hesitates before taking them from him, but smiles as he holds them. “And your dress?” His eyes fix on Stede’s.

“Um.” Stede’s cheeks redden, and he glances at the bookcase that hides the auxiliary wardrobe. “I, um, already have one. In there.” He wrings his hands together.

“Show me?”

Stede glances at Ed, but only sees curiousity in his eyes, and he nods. His nerves are almost too much to bear, and his father’s voice keeps telling him he’s an idiot for having that dress made and bringing it along. His hand shakes as he pulls the mannequin to open it. “It’s in the back. Slightly hidden…” He walks in and hears Ed follow him. This must be what it’s like to walk up to the gallows or the guillotine. He swallows hard when he’s reached the place where it hangs, two coats covering most of it. But the beautiful sky blue of the skirt peeps out underneath, and it takes Stede’s breath away for a moment and his fingers itch with the need to feel the fabric under his fingertips.

“That one?” Ed points at the sky blue fabric.

Stede can only nod.

“Show me?” Ed repeats, his voice gentle.

Stede walks forward automatically, pushing the coats aside carefully so he can take the hanger the dress is hanging from. It’s heavy, the bodice a darker shade of blue than the rest, decorated in a floral pattern in the sky blue of the skirt, which rustle as he shows the dress to Ed. The sky blue sleeves, which end in lace cuffs, dangle on either side. He looks at Ed, heart in his throat as he holds up the dress. “Well?” he manages.

Ed’s eyes are wide as he stares at the dress, dark eyes darting from the lace cuffs to the bodice to the skirt. “It’s beautiful,” he murmurs, stepping forward and leaning down to pick up the hem. He rubs it between his fingers. “Is this silk?”

Stede nods, throat still tight, easing slightly at Ed calling it beautiful. “Yes. I—I had it made especially before I left.”

Ed keeps looking at the fabric he’s holding. “For your wife to wear?”

They haven’t talked about Mary much. He hasn’t even told Ed her name, only that his wife is the artist who made the painting of the lighthouse. Ed stopped asking questions about the paintings in the cabin, and Stede hasn’t brought her up again. There’s been no reason.

Until now.

He’s tempted to say ‘yes’. It would be such an easy excuse. But it isn’t the truth, and he’d rather not lie to Ed.

“No,” he says, mouth dry.

Ed slowly lifts his head to look at Stede. His eyes are dark and unreadable, but there’s curiosity in there, Stede hopes. And kindness. “Oh?” Ed’s voice is quiet.

“It’s…” Stede holds the dress up in front of himself. “It’s for me.” He looks at Ed, feeling nauseous and expecting to see a frown or a shake of the head any moment.

“Because you wanted to wear it?” Ed lets the fabric slip from between his fingers.

Stede nods again. Ed doesn’t seem like he disapproves, which is good, right? But he doesn’t dare hope for more.

Ed hums, then his eyes travel slowly down the bodice, down the sleeves, down the skirt. “Have you worn it?”

Stede’s heart skips a beat. “Not since I picked it up from the tailor… had to tell him it was for a play. I’m not sure he believed me.” He’d slipped the man a little extra, but the man had just winked and smiled.

“But you’re gonna wear it?” Ed’s eyes meet Stede’s again, warm and brown and so kind. “For me? Tonight? As—as my wife?”

“Yes?” Stede doesn’t mean to sound so hesitant, but he’s still nervous, even though Ed has been nothing but absolutely lovely.

Ed looks at the dress again, then grins at Stede. “Can you put it on? Before we pick out clothes for me, can you put it on?”

Stede smiles back, giddy and excited, so many feelings bubbling up inside of him like he’s a bottle of champagne. “I’ll put it on after we’ve selected your outfit, Edward. We can’t put that off any longer.” He grins at Ed’s huff.

“Fine! But if I look like an idiot in that purple coat with sequins, I’m setting it on fire.”

*

Ed does not look like an idiot in the purple coat with the sequins. He looks magnificent. Stede smiles as Ed preens in front of the mirror, then suggests Ed try the matching breeches and waistcoat, and while he’s getting changed, how about a nice shirt? And a cravat? Stede isn’t surprised that Ed selects the laciest, frilliest cravat to wear. It takes some convincing to get Ed to wear a pair of darker stockings, but they compromise by opting for white shoes.

Stede helps Ed with the outfit, smoothing down sleeves and helping with buttons and garters, and trying not to think about what’ll happen when this is done, when Ed will help him into his dress. When Ed’s fingers will brush over his skin like Stede’s are brushing over Ed’s. When Ed will murmur how well the clothes fit or how the colour is flattering like Stede is doing.

When they’ve finished dressing Ed and Stede can find no more excuses to touch him and pretend he’s fixing the collar or a lace cuff, Stede steps back and smiles as Ed stares at himself in the mirror. There’s a warmth spreading in his chest. Pride that he was correct, this was the suit for Ed. Happiness at seeing Ed amazed at himself. And something else underneath that, something Stede doesn’t want to look at, doesn’t want to put a name to.

After several long minutes, Ed turns to face Stede. “Your turn.”

*

Having Ed help him is both nerve-wracking and exhilarating, because for every time Stede’s skin is set alight by Ed’s touch, there’s Stede having to tell Ed how to help him and the both of them getting annoyed with how much fabric there is. He’s annoyed and frustrated by the time he’s finally in the dress, Ed having laced him into it.

When Stede finally turns to face himself in the mirror, he can’t believe the person looking back at him.

It’s not a perfect illusion of a woman, not without a wig and some make-up, and they’ll need to sort out his cleavage, but…

But he feels beautiful.

And it’s not that he doesn’t feel good in his other outfits, in his different suits, because he adores them all. He finally gets to wear bright colours, and no one on the Revenge gives him a disapproving look over it.

This dress, though…

It’s all that and more. His heart swells when he looks at himself turn left to right, the skirts of the dress swishing with him.

“No one’s gonna believe this,” Ed says.

Stede freezes, all the joy inside of him deflating at that one comment.

“I mean, someone as pretty as you settling for a guy like me?”

“Ed!” Stede manages, looking at Ed and seeing only that sparkle in those dark eyes that tell him Ed is joking. “Don’t say that!”

“Having second thoughts about taking you to this party now,” Ed continues, still grinning. “What if someone else catches your eye?”

“I’d never!” He wouldn’t. Not in a million years. Who else could hold a candle to Edward?

“I should probably stay close to you,” Ed tells him. “As your, y’know, dutiful husband.”

Stede blushes at that. Dutiful husband. “I suppose I could tolerate that. As your dutiful wife.” His tongue almost trips over the words, but it’s worth it for the way Ed beams at him. “Although my dutiful husband really should fix his hair and beard before I agree to be seen in public with him.”

Ed rolls his eyes at that, but offers Stede his elbow. “Go on. Let’s do my hair.”

*

They’re spoiled for choice with the accessories in the drawer, but eventually, after lots of touching of Ed’s hair and running his fingers through it carefully, Stede settles on an elegant updo and a garland of fine white flowers. It’ll go with the white of the shoes, Stede tells Ed when he is skeptical. “Plus, these butterfly clips are only available in white.” Stede picks one of them up. “And I think they’ll suit you.”

“Mmmmsure.” Ed tilts his head back to look at Stede. He’s been sitting in a chair, his eyes lidded. “Gonna put those in my beard as well?”

“Oh no, we have beard bows for that!” Stede’s stomach flutters at how relaxed Ed is. He assumed Ed would be annoyed at Stede fiddling around with his hair, suggesting different styles, but Ed has melted into the chair while Stede ran his fingers through Ed’s hair, always mindful to be gentle, to show him the different options. They tried braiding it first, because, as Stede told him, Ed has such beautiful, long hair. It would be a shame not to try at least, but Stede isn’t as good at braiding as he’d like. Certainly not as good to give Edward the intricate, elegant braid he deserves. It’ll be something to practise, if Ed’ll let him. The updo is lovely as well, and the butterfly clips really finish the look.

“Beard bows?”

Stede shows them. They’re really just short ribbons in a shade of purple that match Ed’s coat. “I could also put them into your hair, but I don’t want to overdo the hair accessories and your beard is so long, why not decorate it?”

Ed eyes them, then nods. “Yeah, all right. Just try not to tug when you put them in.” He closes his eyes and tilts his head back.

Stede has to lean in and bend over to take care of Ed’s beard, which involves putting some oil in it and gently, ever so gently, running his fingers through it. It’s obvious that Ed takes care of his beard and long hair, but for a party like the one they’re going to, it’s good to take some extra care. “All right, let’s do one first and see how that looks.” And then, because he knows Ed, he adds, “and please, Ed, could you not talk while I’m working on your beard?”

Ed opens his eyes to glare at him, but he stays quiet, his eyes only darting down to Stede’s dress and what would be his cleavage if he had any, then Ed nods and closes his eyes again, so Stede assumes they’re fine.

His stomach squirms as he works. This is hardly the first time he’s so close to Ed, but now he’s also touching Ed. Ed trusts him to help him dress for tonight’s party. It’s a lot of faith to have in someone, and Stede hopes he can live up to it. He wants Ed to have a good time. His fingers tremble slightly, which means he has to re-tie the first beard bow a few times before he’s happy with it. He passes Ed the hand mirror and leans back. “Well?”

Ed studies himself in the mirror, turning his head from left to right. “Great, add a couple of more!”

“Hmm, I think just the one more will do. We don’t want to overdo it,” Stede tells him. “We don’t want to look gauche.”

“Yeah, good point.” Ed drums his fingers on the armrests. “Like having nine guns on you.”

Stede laughs at that. “I already told you, I’m very willing to have Lucius draw a more accurate portrait of you to put in that book! My copy of it, at least.”

“No, it’s fine.” Ed’s eyes crinkle as he smiles. “Go on, do the other beard bow.”

“All right.” Stede doesn’t say that the other reason he doesn’t want to put in more beard bows is because he can tell Ed is getting impatient and fidgety. Stede expected it, considering how Ed rarely stands or sits still for a very long time. He’s a man who likes to be in motion, and Stede enjoys watching him. Ed always moves with an effortless ease, a grace, clearly used to walking around on a ship in a way that Stede isn’t. Or isn’t yet, he reminds himself.

The second beard bow goes in more easily, but Stede still has to re-tie it a few times, so it’s more symmetrical with the other one. Once Stede is satisfied, he steps back and gives Ed the hand mirror again. “You can use the bigger mirror as well and use the hand mirror to look at the back of your head. Tell me if you’d like the change it.”

Ed gets up immediately and goes to the mirror in the auxiliary wardrobe.

Stede turns around and follows, wringing his hands as he watches Ed stand in front of the mirror. His stomach drops when Ed remains quiet and stands frozen. Oh no. Ed hates it. Ed hates the suit, hates what Stede has done to his hair. Hates what Stede has done to his beard. His throat feels tight at the thought of disappointing Ed.

“Stede?” Ed asks, voice trembling. “Can you… with the hand mirror?”

Stede walks over, taking it from him and noticing that Ed’s hand is shaking. “Certainly!” He still isn’t sure what to make of Ed’s reaction, but holds it up behind Ed’s head, looking in the mirror and adjusting it as needed. “What do you think? Too much? We could try a different colour for the flower garland, but then we’ll need to lose the butterflies, and I really think that having something white in your hair is good since it goes with your shoes, and—”

“Stede. This is amazing. You—you made me look like…” He trails off and looks at Stede. Are his eyes glistening? There’s no reason for Ed to be crying! “Like I’m gonna belong. Tonight. At the party.” Ed turns to the mirror again, smiling at himself.

Stede’s chest and stomach do a complicated thing where he’s both warm with pride, so happy to see Ed happy, but also Ed mentioning the party and belonging has Stede’s anxiety returning in full force. Because he knows what these parties are like. And Ed is wonderful and clever. Just because Stede has never gone to a party and feel like he belongs doesn’t mean Ed can’t. If anyone can, it’s him. “I’m glad you think so,” he says, choosing to focus on Ed’s happiness. That’s all that matters.

And, all right, he’s also focusing on how good Ed looks in that purple jacket. The colour is perfect on him. He looks regal. Handsome.

Beautiful.

Stede swallows, a lump in his throat. Ed’s always beautiful, of course, but this is the first time Stede has left himself think it. It’s not what he’s supposed to think about other men. Other men are handsome, dashing, well-dressed. They aren’t beautiful.

“Stede?” Ed whirls around, looking alarmed.

“What?” Stede’s heart hammers in his chest. He has to push his own thoughts aside and focus.

“Is there gonna be dancing tonight?” Ed’s eyebrows raise, and he looks…hopeful?

Stede nods. “Yes, I expect so.”

Ed grins. “You’ll have to teach me, then. Can’t embarrass my wife when I spin her around the dance floor!”

It takes Stede a second to remember that Ed is referring to him. He’s Ed’s wife. Ed wants to dance with him at the party. Oh God. He can’t. Standing near Ed now that he doesn’t have the distraction anymore of focusing on buttons and fabric is already too much. Stede can’t dance with him at the party, holding hands, being so close… “We don’t have to dance!” he squeaks, face red.

Ed frowns at that, and takes the hand mirror from him to put it on a footstool. “It’s a party. You have to dance at a party. C’mon, show me!”

Stede can never refuse Ed anything. Not when he looks so excited. “All right, I’ll do my best, but I only ever learned the men’s parts. I might be dreadful at the woman’s parts.”

“All the more reason to practise.” Ed bounces on his feet. “C’mon, teach me.”

Stede nods, swallowing down his nerves. “Very well, I’ll do my best. Let’s start with a minuet.” It’s a popular dance with intricate steps for Stede to focus on, and he hopes Ed will enjoy it. He does his best to explain the basics, but it’s tricky without music, and as he demonstrates the steps, he can see Ed frowning.

“And where do I come in?” Ed gestures at Stede. “With the steps?”

“Oh, you do the same! Except some moves are different,” he admits. “And then we go around each other in circles.”

Ed frowns at that, tilting his head. “Pretty far away from each other, then.”

“Not necessarily!” Stede insists. “It’s easier if I show you. Hold up your arm, bend it at the elbow like I’m doing, and then rest the palm of your hand against mine. Then we—no, just rest it there!”

Ed releases his hold on Stede’s hand. “I’m not supposed to hold your hand while we dance?”

“No.” Stede feels flustered as he presses his palm against Ed’s.

Ed huffs at that. “What’s the point of it, then?”

Stede smiles at Ed’s petulant tone, at the fact that he apparently would like to do more touching. So would Stede, but the minuet is not that kind of dance. “Would you like to learn it or not?” He already knows Ed’s answer. Annoyed or not, Ed is curious.

Ed nods. “Yeah, sure. Go on. What are the steps?”

Stede tries to teach Ed the best he can, although it’s difficult without music or a formal instructor who knows the steps much better, because Stede hasn’t danced a minuet in a while. While Mary didn’t hate dancing, she and Stede had always drifted apart at parties, preferring to mingle and talk to different people. He’s rusty and keeps getting the steps mixed up.

It’s because of his own inadequacy that he keeps messing up, obviously.

Not because of Ed being so close, Ed’s palm against his, and Ed’s delighted laugh when they get a few steps right and Stede feels bright, like he could fly.

“It’s fun,” Ed eventually admits, after another attempt. Their palms are still pressed together. He grins at Stede. “But I think other dances are more fun.”

“Why don’t you teach me?” Stede suggests, a little nervous, because those other dances will certainly involve more touching, but why not let Ed teach him? That’s what they’re doing, right? Teaching each other new things?

“I was hoping you’d say that!” Ed’s hand wraps around Stede and he steps closer, his other hand on Stede’s waist. His face is only inches away from Stede’s, and his eyes are warm as he smiles.

Stede’s breath catches, and his own free hand hovers in the air awkwardly for a moment before he places it on Ed’s shoulder. “Now what?” he manages, feeling breathless.

Ed hums in thought. “Whatever we want.” He shrugs awkwardly, then sways on his feet left to right. “Could start out slow, if you like?”

“I think I’d like.” Stede sways along with Ed. He laughs when Ed steps back with one foot and tugs on Stede’s hand to pull him with him, and Stede follows. They end up swaying like that while turning in a circle as Stede follows Ed’s lead with the steps. “Oh, surely that’s an advanced move!”

Ed grins and goes back to swaying while standing in place. “I figured you’d be up for that. And you were!”

“I suppose.” Because they had turned in a circle without stepping on each other’s toes. “You’re clearly better at leading than I am.”

“Only as good as the guy following me,” Ed replies immediately.

Stede’s heart skips a beat as Ed leans in, pressing their bodies closer, fabric rustling together. “Ed…”

“Yeah?” Ed tilts his head and starts moving again, swaying and moving in a circle in the same spot again. “Something wrong, Stede?”

There isn’t. There really isn’t. There’s nowhere he’d rather be than right here with Ed, swaying in his arms in this beautiful dress while Ed looks exquisite in his suit. “Do we really need to go to that party?” Does he really need to share Ed with others? Can’t they stay here together?

Ed is silent for a long time, and there’s something in his eyes Stede can’t quite decipher. “Suppose not. Although we did get dressed up. You in your fancy dress…” He moves back slightly to look down at it before moving closer again. “It’d be a shame if no one else got to see it.”

“I suppose.” But Stede finds he doesn’t really care if no one else sees it. Ed is seeing it. And he likes it. He likes Stede in it. “But there’s a risk they’ll find out I’m a man. That I’m not really your wife.”

Ed hums at that. “Then I guess we better be really convincing.” He leans in and Stede stands frozen as Ed closes the distance between them and presses a kiss against his lips.

Stede lets out a surprised squeak, and Ed pulls back. “Did you mean to do that?”

“Kiss you?” Ed nods. “Yeah.” His eyes dart away. “I mean, um, as practice. Right?” He meets Stede’s eyes again, and he looks… nervous? “So we’re convincing as a husband and wife.”

“Oh.” Stede still feels a little breathless from the kiss—Ed’s kiss. He nods. “Maybe we should practise some more?” he suggests tentatively, nervously, but then Ed smiles back.

“Definitely.” Ed lets go of his hand to cup his cheek, and kisses him again. “Lots of kissing.” He presses a quick kiss against Stede’s other cheek, his beard a little scratchy against Stede’s skin. “Lots of practice.”

Stede’s stomach swoops. “Lots,” he agrees. “Lots and lots.” When Ed pulls back, Stede grabs him by the lapel of his coat to pull him in for another kiss.

They should be very convincing, after all.

*

Stede starts when there’s a loud knock on the door. He and Ed have moved their kissing practice to the sofa, where it included a lot of touching practice as well, with Ed’s fingers running through Stede’s hair and wrapping around the back of his neck, and Stede’s hands running under Ed’s waistcoat. They’re a very convincing married couple, but maybe they should do some more practice just to be safe. “Who is it?” he calls out.

“Frenchie and Olu!” Frenchie replies. “And Izzy!”

“Izzy?” Ed frowns at that. “What’s he doing with you?”

Stede gets up from where he was half-straddling Ed and smooths down the skirts of his dress. “Come in!”

Frenchie strides in, followed by Oluwande, who looks cheerful as well. Izzy trudges in after them, scowling and dressed in black as usual, but in completely different clothes. “Good evening!” Frenchie tells them.

“Evening?” Stede looks out the porthole. “But it’s… Oh.” He looks at Ed, who is also frowning as he follows Stede’s gaze. “We must’ve lost track of time!” Had they really been so preoccupied with getting changed for the party and practising being a married couple that they’d missed the party?

“Yeah, you kinda did.” Oluwande grins. “But you two had a nice evening anyway, from the looks of it.”

“We had a lovely evening, yes,” Stede replies, not sure where to look when Oluwande’s smile is so knowing.

Ed, meanwhile, has sauntered over to Izzy, while Izzy is glaring at him. “Nice outfit, Iz. Who helped you?”

“Fuck off,” Izzy snaps.

“I did!” Frenchie pipes up. “See, we still had that invite for Sir Godfrey Thornrose, and a name like that, well…” He nods at Izzy. “He looks more like a Godfrey than me and Olu do.”

“You had Izzy attend the party?” Stede asks, unable to believe it. He eyes Izzy. “Really? How did that go?”

“How the fuck do you think it went, Bonnet?”

“It went all right until dinner.” Frenchie exchanges a look with Oluwande, who nods.

“Frenchie and I were on deck when Izzy stormed out and started yelling about escargot tongs and melon spoons and prawns,” Oluwande continues.

“The fucking spoons!” Izzy exclaims. “Fucking—fucking spoons! Ooh Mr Thornrose,” he says, switching to a higher-pitched voice, “you have such an interesting manner of eating!” He switches back to his own voice. “My manner of eating is interesting? At least my manner only involves one spoon! And don’t get me fucking started on the forks!”

Stede’s eyebrows raise at Izzy’s angry rant, but he’s thinking about Ed. Because while he and Ed had gone over the cutlery earlier that afternoon, he knows one lesson isn’t enough. Ed might’ve easily made the same mistake as Izzy and been treated to the same passive aggression. His chest aches at the thought of Ed having to suffer through that.

“They are such dicks about spoons,” Frenchie adds.

“What did you do?” Ed nudges Izzy with an elbow and sounds almost gleeful.

Izzy huffs, but his scowl turns into a slight smile. “Grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the hand. She starts screaming and flailing, and she pushes over a candle. The tablecloth caught fire.”

“Which made everyone else flail and scream as well.” Frenchie grins as well. “Olu and I gave the money we made to some servants, grabbed Izzy, and got in a dinghy and rowed away. Last I saw, the entire boat was on fire.”

“The entire boat?” Ed stares at Frenchie, then looks at Izzy, who gives Ed an awkward shrug. “Wait, hang on, what’s this about money?”

“Oh, we scammed some of those people by pretending Olu was the Crown Prince of Egypt,” Frenchie explains.

“It was surprisingly easy to run a pyramid scheme like that.” Oluwande grins at Frenchie. “We should do it again!”

Frenchie scrunches his nose. “Maybe not with a fire breaking out halfway through…” He tilts his head as he looks at Izzy. “You were an excellent distraction, though. You should be part of our scheme next time.”

Izzy stares up at Frenchie, who keeps smiling at him, while Oluwande nods encouragingly. “Why the fuck would I want to join you two idiots in another scheme?”

“Okay, one, Olu and I clearly aren’t idiots,” Frenchie tells him. “You saw how much money we made. Two, if you join in, you can have ten per cent.”

“Ten per cent?!”

“Frenchie and I did all the scamming tonight!” Oluwande points out when Izzy splutters angrily. “You just stabbed someone and made a boat catch fire!”

“Those stupid idiots made the boat catch fire!”

Stede tries to fight back a smile and exchanges a look with Ed. “Right!” He claps his hands together. “Sounds like you three had a very busy night! I suggest you continue the discussion elsewhere. Right now, actually.” He ushers them to the door, and his wide skirts make it easy enough to herd them. Fortunately, Izzy is so caught up in his argument with Frenchie that he lets himself be herded into the passageway. Stede smiles when he catches Izzy’s look of surprise when he closes the door in the other man’s face and locks it for good measure. “I can’t believe they did that!”

Any of it. Frenchie and Oluwande conning the party guests. Izzy being dragged along. The boat catching fire.

“Is it always like that?” Ed asks, walking over to Stede. “Those parties?”

Stede chuckles. “This is the first time I’ve heard of the boat burning down!” He sighs. “But if you mean how awful they are to people who use the wrong spoon… yes. Ed, I know you had your heart set on going, but I think it’s for the best that we didn’t.”

Ed hums at that, then looks down and takes Stede’s hand. He runs his thumb across the back of it, making Stede shiver. He looks up and smiles, and the warmth in his eyes hits Stede in the chest. “I think so too.” He kisses Stede.

Stede kisses him back, reaching out with one hand to cup Ed’s face, feeling his beard against his hand.

Yes, it’s definitely for the best.