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“I figured I might find you here,” Hunk said as he sat down next to Keith on the grass. Surely his suit would get a stain on it, sitting in the dirt like this. It made Keith feel a bit guilty, but he just stared ahead at the lake, too engrossed in his own misery to truly care.
Keith scoffed. “Yeah? Bet that was a tough search, huh?”
It was petty of him, he knew. Immature even. But ever since they had landed on this planet, Keith had been pretty frustrated and angry and sad.
The lake was the only place he had found solace in the last week. There was something calming about the sounds of the ducks and the birds, and he could spend his time thinking through everything that had ever gone wrong in his life.
“You’re just lucky I convinced Shiro to let me come instead of him,” Hunk said, crossing his legs and staring out at the lake with Keith. Keith snorted, laughing despite himself.
“Yeah? He wants to lecture me?”
Hunk shook his head. “Nah, man. He’s worried about you. I think if it were him, he’d probably be over here crying and begging you to talk to him.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, man. You’ve got us all worried.”
The guilt inside of Keith swelled in moments like these. He knew he was selfish, yet he couldn’t bring himself to be with the other paladins more than he had to. It was too painful, still. It was too fresh of a wound, and too deep too, searing and burning and horrid.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. And he really was.
“I know,” Hunk said in response.
How much did Hunk really know? Keith suspected it was more than he let on. He suspected as much from most of the paladins, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually bring it up in conversation. Saying it made it more real, somehow. At least now he could pretend that he could get through this.
“If you told him to, he would probably put a stop to all of this,” Hunk said, and Keith’s head immediately whipped to look at him. Keith’s mouth was slightly agape, brows furrowed in doubt.
“He cares about your opinion. A lot. And if it bothers you that much, he’d want to know. He wouldn’t want to do anything that would make you hurt like this,” Hunk continued.
Keith sat with this information for a moment, and he felt incredibly horrible that he even considered it, for even a split second. It was unfair; he couldn’t ruin Lance’s happiness.
Hunk put a hand on Keith’s shoulder, resting it there and patting his fingers in a slow rhythm. Keith let him, but he didn’t lean further into the touch, instead just staring at Hunk, analyzing his facial expressions.
And Hunk was serious. He fully believed every word he was saying. And Keith didn’t know what to do with that.
Would Lance really stop the entire wedding because Keith was uncomfortable?
If anything, all it really did was make Keith hurt more. Because Lance was so pure, and so giving, and so selfless, and he was everything that Keith wasn’t. He was perfect.
The problem was that Lance was Keith’s best friend. Lance was Keith’s best friend, and so he deserved everything that he wanted in the world. If Lance asked Keith to jump, Keith would do it without question, because that was what Lance wanted.
If Lance asked Keith to put away his feelings and be happy, Keith would do it, just because that was what Lance wanted.
It was scary, sometimes, knowing just to what lengths Keith was willing to go to for the other paladins. It wasn’t just Lance. He would die over and over again if it meant that one of the other paladins could smile just once. He still wasn’t used to that feeling, but he no longer shoved it away like it was venomous. It was okay to love other people, he knew now.
No matter how much it hurt.
Keith sighed wistfully. “I know he would,” he ended up saying. “But you know I can’t do that.”
It was Hunk’s turn to sigh. “Yeah, I know,” he said, defeated, like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Keith felt bad that he was the one causing all of this.
“I’ll be okay,” Keith tried to alleviate Hunk’s stress. “I promise.”
“Will you?”
“Yeah. It’s no one else’s problem but my own.”
“That’s not true. We all care about your feelings. And if this is gonna torture you, or make you distance yourself from all of us, then it is our problem.”
Keith put his head in his hands, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. Lance had insisted he not gel it back at all for the wedding. “You wouldn’t be you without your mullet,” he had said, a playful smile on his face. And Keith, well, Keith would never say no to him, so here he was.
“I appreciate everyone looking out for me. I really do. But today is about Lance and Allura, not me. I didn’t want to create a pity party; I just wanted some air.”
Hunk took his hand off of Keith’s shoulder, setting it on his own leg. He looked sad, when this should be a wonderful day, a day when his best friend is the happiest he’s ever been. Nothing like this should be happening at all.
“I get it. To be honest, even I need a bit of air. Weddings are hectic, you know?” Hunk smiled a bit, trying to lighten the mood. Keith appreciated his effort.
“You can say that again,” Keith said, standing up and brushing the grass off of his pants. Hunk followed suit, standing next to him, looking him up and down.
“You look good, dude,” Hunk said, and Keith smiled.
“You too.”
“You gonna be okay to head back?” Hunk asked. “The ceremony is gonna start soon. And if you really are insistent that you want him to go through with this, then he’s gonna want you there.”
Keith tried his best to swallow down all of the pain and bitterness he was feeling. He was still Lance’s best friend, and he was going to look happy for him today. It was the least that Lance deserved.
“Let’s do it,” Keith responded, leading the way back to the wedding venue.
Everything about the wedding was dreamy. Lance had let Allura do most of the planning, and she had an insanely beautiful taste. Every little detail was thought of, from the napkins folded into little birds to the neat, cursive banner above the archway with their names on it.
It was beautiful, and Keith loved every bit of it.
Their vows brought almost everyone to tears. Keith couldn’t bring himself to let the tears fall, because he was afraid that they would never stop if he did.
Keith had gotten through the ceremony. He had done what he thought was the hardest part, letting Lance go and be happy with someone else. He wasn’t sure if it hurt more or less to know that he was with someone so amazing.
But what Keith had not expected was for the reception to be a thousand times worse. At the ceremony, Keith could repress all of his feelings and just watch like it was a movie scene. But now, now he had free will and a wandering brain and a million people trying to talk to him.
At some point, after maybe the fifth, “When do you think you’ll get married?” Keith sat himself in a corner, nursing a drink that he couldn’t identify and just watching people dance and mingle.
“You brooding over here? On my wedding day?”
And oh, Keith would know that voice anywhere.
Keith turned his head to where Lance had snuck up on him, his tie undone and his hair flying everywhere. He had been dancing for quite a while, both with Allura and with his family and friends. Lance was a mirrorball himself, always drawing attention and stealing the show.
“Nah,” Keith said. He couldn’t let Lance sus out even an ounce of his sadness. Hunk was right; Lance would stop everything if he knew Keith was even a little bit upset. “Just out of social interaction juice for the day.”
Lance pulled out the chair next to him, sitting down, turning his legs so their knees were touching. Keith resisted the urge to yank his own knees away.
“That makes sense,” Lance said, stealing Keith’s cup and taking a small sip of it. “Gross, man. What even is this?”
“I don’t know,” Keith shrugged. Lance proceeded to down the entire cup, setting the empty cup down on the table with a thud, and Keith gasped.
“Hey! That was mine!” He exclaimed, grabbing the cup and examining its empty insides.
“Don’t think of it as a glass empty, but rather a glass full of air!” Lance said, smiling wide and playfully. Keith couldn’t even be mad. He didn’t have it in him.
“How’s the wedding?” Keith asked. Lance’s eyes flickered, like he had been waiting to talk about this all day. And knowing him, he probably had. He probably had told everyone he knew, and he was still excited to recite it to Keith.
“It’s one of the best days of my life, Keith! I’m incredibly happy, and Allura is gorgeous, and it’s just nice to know everyone is here for us, you know? My family is here, and well, for a while I thought that wouldn’t be possible. So yeah, kind of a dream come true!”
Keith smiled. It was nice to see Lance so happy. Lance had been through a lot. They all had, but Lance in particular was so attached to his family that it had been difficult for him to be in space for so long. Keith didn’t understand it, but he did his best to empathize. And seeing Lance with his family was like seeing the most beautiful person somehow transcend all reality. He would literally glow, talking animatedly and joking around like it was what he was born to do.
Would he create his own family? With Allura? The thought tasted horrifically bitter.
Lance talked Keith’s ear off for about 10 minutes. He went through everything, from the planning to the ceremony to the reception to what he wanted to do after. Keith nodded and added small comments here and there.
His heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces.
He felt like it would never come back together again.
After all, when Lance married Allura, he kept the pieces of Keith’s heart that Keith had given him. He couldn’t take them back now; there was no refund.
“Keith? Are you okay?” Lance asked, bringing Keith back to the present. He was looking at Keith with a concerned look, one that he wore when Keith was injured, or when Lance was about to apologize for something stupid he did.
No no no no no.
Keith reached up, patting his cheeks with his hands. There were tear stains on them, and he hadn’t even realized he had started crying in the first place.
He quickly wiped them away, looking down to avoid seeing Lance’s worried face. He couldn’t handle being the cause of that.
“I’m fine,” Keith said. “Just emotional.”
“It doesn’t seem like it. You’re not really the happy-cry type?” Lance said with an odd tone in his voice.
“No really,” Keith reassured. “I’m just happy for you.”
Lance stared at him like he was trying to solve a puzzle. He clearly wasn’t satisfied with Keith’s answer, but he wasn’t going to get anything else. Keith was going to lock his feelings away and he was going to leave them there. Lance was never going to know.
“I’m gonna send Shiro over here,” Lance threatened. He knew Keith hated the Shiro talks, no matter how many of them he had been through or how well-intentioned Shiro was. He didn’t handle parenting very well, and all he wanted was to just be left alone with these overwhelming thoughts.
“Please don’t,” Keith pleaded, and clearly he hadn’t fully hidden the stress and sadness in his voice, because Lance stood up immediately, walking swiftly towards the other side of the reception. Keith tried to call after him, but Lance ignored him, his tall frame getting further away until it was swallowed up by the crowd.
Keith thought about leaving. He really did. He thought about going outside or back to his hotel room where no one could come get him. But if he did that, it would be an admission of his negative feelings, and Lance shouldn’t have to deal with that on his big day.
And he would definitely go after Keith. If Keith ran away, Lance would be there, right after him, fear and sadness in his eyes when there should be nothing but hope and joy.
Shiro appeared a few minutes later, his suit still somehow pristine and unwrinkled. He sat down in the chair Lance had left untucked, looking at Keith with thoughtful eyes.
“Lance is worried about you,” he said, twiddling his fingers.
Keith sighed. He hoped the tear stains were gone by now. “I know. He told me so himself.”
“Hunk didn’t help?”
“He did. I was so close to getting through this,” Keith said, more defeated than ever. “I was so close.”
Shiro leaned forward, setting his hands on top of Keith’s.
“It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. It’s perfectly normal.”
Keith scoffed. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Don’t shrug this off, Keith. You’ve been very mature about this. Don’t let all of that go to waste.”
He hadn’t been mature though, had he? He had let all of this be about him. He had worried his whole team. He had let the emotions he tried so hard to repress run wild and free, without a care for who else it hurt. That was immature, he knew.
“I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I wish I could just make all your pain go away.” Shiro chuckled lightly. “I’ve been wishing that since the day I met you.”
Keith looked up at him, eyes tired and droopy from crying. Shiro had a pensive look on his face, white hair falling slightly from its hold. He looked handsome, like this. He looked younger, too, less brought down by everything going on around him.
“What am I supposed to do?” Keith asked. It was a question he had been holding in for a long time. “What am I supposed to do with all of this?”
“I’m not sure,” Shiro responded. He wasn’t helpful at all. “You have a few options, though. You don’t have to go through all of this alone.”
Keith shook his head. “I can’t tell Lance, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”
“Well, I was, but that isn’t the only choice. You have a support system. You could talk to us, me, Hunk, and Pidge. We’re here for you. You could channel your feelings into a sport, or an art, or something completely different. Maybe you could even try dating?”
Keith shook his head harder this time. He was vehemently against the idea.
“Why not?”
“Because…” he began. What could he even say? Lance was too perfect? No one else compared? He couldn’t imagine a future with anyone else? “Because it’s all too… big.”
“Big?”
“Yeah. Huge. Disaster-inducing. Threatening. Overwhelming. Destructive.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
Keith glared at Shiro.
“I mean that. I know it hurts, but it doesn’t have to be the end,” Shiro said. Keith couldn’t do this much longer.
“Okay,” he said, trying to placate Shiro. Shiro clearly didn’t buy it, because he just sighed, standing up and placing a hand on Keith’s shoulder.
“Why don’t you get out of here? I’ll cover for you with Lance and Allura.”
“You would?”
“Yeah. I’d do anything for you.”
Keith tried not to think about the overwhelming nature of that statement. Instead he nodded, thanking Shiro as he made his way out of the venue as sneakily as he could. A few people called out his name as he walked by, but he ignored them, making his way to the exit and walking out of the big round double doors.
He was outside, now. It was windy on this planet, and Keith felt his suit blow in the wind, his hair flying around haphazardly. He kicked a small pebble and watched as it flew down the sidewalk, landing a few feet away and rolling over. On the floor beside it was one of the itineraries, Lance and Allura’s smiling picture at the top staring at him. He stepped around it as he passed, not wanting to put a shoe mark on a day that he had already partially ruined.
The walk back to his hotel room wasn’t long, but it felt like it. It was a bit chilly, and Keith found himself hugging himself to try to keep warm. He quickly undid his bow tie (Lance had insisted it was the best version of a tie), letting it hang from his neck as he got into the elevator.
When he made it to his room, Keith let himself break down. His cries turned into wheezes, completely losing his ability to breathe as he struggled and sobbed and threw himself around. It was pathetic, and it was selfish, but he just couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Lance was beautiful. He was beautiful and he was selfless and he was a better man than Keith would ever be.
And falling in love with Lance wasn’t anything remarkable or mindblowing. It wasn’t a shock or a revelation. It was gradual, and it made so much sense that he had somewhat expected it before it happened.
Keith had thought that maybe Lance loved him too, a few years ago. They had shared moments that Keith had never shared with anyone else, and Keith had thought that maybe this was love.
But then Lance and Allura got together not that long after.
Keith didn’t even know what to do, then. He was a teenager and he was drowning in heartbreak and sorrow.
Some things hadn’t changed at all.
Falling in love with Lance was like slowly rolling down a grassy hill. Falling in love with Lance was like wading through a field of daisies. Falling in love with Lance was like the first bite of a cherry snow cone.
Being in love with Lance was like putting your hand on a hot stove and leaving it there. Being in love with Lance was like purposefully putting your head under the water and leaving it there until the moment right before you’re about to pass out. Being in love with Lance was like a fire, burning and burning everything around it until it’s all ash and dust.
It was all-consuming. It was all-powerful. It was painful.
Keith knew that Lance had probably known he was here by now. He half-expected a knock on his door, but there wasn’t one. Shiro might have convinced him that Keith was sick or something. Keith would never know. He wasn’t going to ask.
Keith walked out onto the small balcony of his hotel room, staring down into the town, and his eyes were immediately drawn to the wedding venue, lights on and some people hanging out outside of it.
It was a beautiful wedding, fit for a beautiful couple.
It was the beginning, the beginning of the end.
“Keith?” Lance was waving his hand in front of Keith’s face. He had zoned out completely in the kitchen of the castle, spoon still in his hand, just hovering in the air with nothing on it.
“Keith, are you alright, man?”
“Yeah, sorry,” he responded, setting his spoon down on the table and pushing his chair out to stand up. Lance quickly grabbed onto his wrist, pulling him back down. Keith was shocked at the movement, so he hit the chair a bit too hard, and he winced at the pain.
“My bad,” Lance apologized. “Please, tell me what’s going on with you. I know for a fact it’s not happiness anymore, bud.”
“I’ve been thinking,” Keith began. He hadn’t planned to tell Lance this now, but he also knew that Lance wasn’t going to let him go without some sort of explanation. “I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s time for me to do something different.”
“Different?” Lance asked, hurt in his voice. Why did this have to be so hard?
“Yeah. Different. You have enough paladins without me, and I kinda was thinking about going back to earth for a bit.”
“You? Back to earth? Earth to Keith: What is going on? You hate earth and love space. Are you a clone or something?”
Keith shook his head. “Nope. The Garrison offered me an advising position. I was thinking about accepting.”
“You?” Lance asked, incredulous.
“Yeah, me. Is that hard to believe?”
“I mean, kind of. You were born to fly, dude. So cutting off your own wings doesn’t seem like you.”
Keith just stared at him. He knew there was a glaze over his own eyes. He hadn’t been able to get rid of it since the wedding. He tried, but it was permanent, coming from the inside.
“Keith, can I ask you something?” Lance said, and he looked so earnest, and Keith knew that he was never going to deny him anything, even now.
“Yeah.”
“Be honest with me here. I don’t wanna overstep, but, are you depressed?”
Keith’s eyes went wide. “What?”
“Sorry, sorry! I’m not that good with these things, but I dealt with a lot of depression, back when we were stuck in space, though you knew that. And it’s just, when I look at you, I see myself from back then. And I couldn’t say nothing! Of course if I’m wrong I’m so sorry!” Lance went on and on, and Keith eventually stopped him, putting a hand in the air to signify that he could stop talking.
“I’m not depressed,” Keith said, trying his best to be reassuring. “I’m going to be okay, really.” How many times had he said that now? “I need a change of pace, I think.”
Lance watched him, eyes scanning his face for any sign of deception. He must have found something, because his intense stare never let up, instead his grip tightening on Keith’s wrist.
“You’re lying to me, Red. I thought we didn’t lie to each other.”
And oh, that hurt. It hurt so bad that Keith felt the wind get knocked out of him.
Keith sighed. “I- I don’t know what to say.”
“The truth! Say the truth! No matter what it is!”
Was that really the best idea? Was it going to solve anything? No, it wasn’t. All it was going to do was make everything worse, make Lance feel worse.
“If it’s about me, then I want you to know that you keeping it from me hurts worse than whatever it is. I can tell. I know you. I know you’re hurting, or you’re depressed, and I know it has something to do with me. So if you can’t tell me, fine, but just know that you aren’t helping me, or saving me by not telling me.”
Keith was conflicted. Lance was right. He was the type to dwell on things, especially if they had to do with him. And Keith knew that now that Lance was aware of the issue, there was no way he was going to let him go.
Why did Keith have to break down at the wedding? Why couldn’t he have kept it in just a little longer?
“If I tell you,” Keith began, watching as Lance stared at him. “Then you have to agree to let it go, alright? Don’t make a big deal of it.”
Lance nodded. “Of course.”
He was lying.
But Keith was selfish, so he went on anyway.
“I am so, so happy for you and Allura,” Keith started, doing his best to show that he actually was. Because he was. And he would always be. “But I don’t think I can handle being around you two anymore.”
Lance gasped, and Keith stopped him.
“Hang on, let me explain.”
Lance urged him to continue.
“Like I said, I’m insanely happy for you two. You’re two of my best friends, and my teammates, and my family. I mean it when I say that there is truly no one better for either of you. But it hurts, watching what you two have. And I know, it’s incredibly selfish of me, and it’s horrible as your friend to feel this way, but it physically hurts me. And it’s not forever. I just need some time to get used to it, and then I’ll be alright, and I’ll come back. I just need some time.”
Lance looked utterly devastated. Keith felt horrible, knowing what he was causing. He was trying to make it a clean break, but it was never going to be. They had too much together. They were family.
“We can find you someone!” Lance exclaimed, his hands flying around wildly. “We can find you your someone, I promise! You don’t have to leave!”
“Lance, there’s no one for me,” Keith said, a serious tone to his voice. “I appreciate you trying, but it just isn’t going to work.”
“Why not? There’s gotta be someone out there! There’s someone out there for everyone!”
Keith shook his head solemnly. “Sorry, Lance. It’s not you, really. It actually is me.”
“That’s nonsense!” Lance yelled. “You can’t leave!”
“Please don’t feel bad. Please. I will feel horrible if you do.”
Lance looked like he didn’t know what to say, which was an odd turn of events for him. Keith smiled slightly at the thought before turning back to a frown as he thought about the conversation he was in the midst of.
“Why does it hurt you so much?” Lance asked, way too quiet. “Can you at least tell me that?”
Keith shouldn’t. He shouldn’t say it. He should keep it to himself.
But Lance looks so hurt, and so lonely, and Keith thinks he should at least have some closure.
“Lance, I-” Keith said, taking a deep breath. “I have to leave because I love you too much to stay,” he finished, not wanting to elaborate any more.
“What?”
“That’s it. That’s the whole reason.”
“What does that even mean? If you loved me, you’d want to stay!”
“No, Lance, I love you as in I’m in love with you.”
Realization dawned on Lance’s face. “Oh,” he said, his mouth forming an adorable O shape. Keith cursed himself for thinking about that.
“How long?” Lance asked, looking down at his hands.
“Probably forever. But at least since we started Voltron,” Keith answered. He owed Lance this much.
And Lance, gorgeous, brave Lance had an incredibly ugly frown on his face. He wasn’t meant to look like this. Keith was going to leave, and this was the last look he was ever going to see on Lance’s face. He wanted nothing more than to make Lance smile again.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I didn’t want you to feel like this,” Keith explained, gesturing at Lance. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.”
“So do you get it now? Why I have to leave?”
Lance shook his head. “No, but I’ll respect your decision. And if anything, it’s me that should be apologizing.”
“Not at all.”
“Yeah, I should. I just- I just wish that I had known sooner.”
“Why?”
“I was in love with you for a really long time,” Lance explained, and Keith felt his jaw drop now. “I thought you were out of my league, so I never tried. And if I had known…” he trailed off, hopeless desperation coating all of his features.
“You found someone better,” Keith settled for. And it was true.
“I love Allura so much,” Lance said. “I really do. I just wish I had gotten the chance to love you too.”
And if his heart wasn’t already broken, Keith imagined it would have been obliterated by that statement. Keith flew forwards, enveloping Lance in his arms and pulling him into a tight hug. He poured all of his emotions into the embrace, hoping that Lance could feel it in every squeeze.
“You’ll visit, right, Samurai?” Lance choked out.
“Yeah,” Keith responded. “Of course, Sharpshooter.”
Leaving Voltron was tough. He loved his team so much, and they had all wished him farewell. The final goodbye with Lance was extremely awkward, but they made it through, barely even looking at each other.
And the Garrison was not exactly the same now. Keith had hated it before, the pure image of rules and strict regulations. But now, Keith hated it because it was a mere prison that held his feelings inside.
The kids were alright. They were Keith’s favorite part of the job. Having to report to his superiors was his least favorite part.
Keith didn’t talk to the team for a while. By the time he had even checked his messages, it had been a little over two months. He scrolled through them one night, crying at all of the kind words that they had sent his way.
He was a bit pathetic, wasn’t he?
Lance had left him messages, too. He hadn’t expected it, but then again, Lance was never quite predictable. Most of them were silly, little things he noticed or small stories about what he was up to. They never included Allura, and Keith was grateful for the mercy Lance had provided him.
Lance was a married man. Sometimes Keith would forget that, but then it would come surging up into his brain and suddenly it was the only thing he could think about.
What were Lance and Allura doing? Were they happy?
In the end, it wasn’t for him to know. He had given up that right when he left.
Still, Keith was doing a bit better. Distance had helped a bit. He still loved Lance just as much, but it didn’t hurt as much when he didn’t have to see him every day.
And Lance never forced him into anything.
You coming to visit soon? Lance had asked in one of his messages. Keith hadn’t replied, instead throwing himself into work and hoping that it would drown out every feeling he ever had. It didn’t. It never would. But he still tried.
The next time Keith saw Lance was nearly a year after he had left Voltron. It was summer vacation, and he had finally agreed to come back to space to see his team.
Keith didn’t know what to expect. He didn’t know how they would all react, seeing him again. He knew they were aware of why he left, and so he felt bad about it, that he couldn’t stop himself from causing all of this hurt and anguish.
Pidge had said that no one held it against him, but he couldn’t help but think it wasn’t true.
Entering the castle ship for the first time in 10 months was a strange experience. Everything looked the same, but the people inside of it were different, somehow. Not too much older, not too much wiser, just… different.
Hunk had pulled him into a hug. Shiro had patted his head and welcomed him back. Pidge had thrown him finger guns and said they were working on something they wanted to show him. Allura had smiled at him, placing a hand on the small of his back and saying she missed him.
And Lance…
Lance stood off to the side, a quiet grin on his face as he watched everyone welcome Keith back. And as soon as he was out of their hold, Lance rushed in, sweeping him off his feet in a crushing embrace, twirling him around as Keith shouted at him to let him down.
What was he doing? Didn’t he know how Keith felt?
“We’ll leave you two alone,” Allura said, winking at Keith before they all left, and then it was just him and Lance, standing together, Lance refusing to let go of him in any way. After they had stopped hugging, Lance had placed his hand on Keith’s arm like he was scared Keith was going to run away if he let go.
“What’s going on?” Keith asked. “Why are they all leaving?”
“Keith,” Lance said, breathily. “I’m so glad you’re back.”
“It’s temporary,” Keith said back. “I can’t stay.”
“It’s been a long time,” Lance stated, and Keith looked down at his feet. “I’ve missed you. We’ve all missed you.”
“I’ve missed all of you, too.”
“Keith,” Lance repeated.
“Yeah?”
“Do you… still love me?” Lance asked, and Keith flinched. What kind of a question was that?
“Do you think I could stop?” Keith asked in return, and Lance’s face flushed. It was so unfair of him to look like that, and say things like that, knowing how Keith felt.
“I love you too,” Lance said, and Keith pulled away from him.
“I know you do. But like I said, it’s a different thing.”
“Well, I’m in love with you too,” Lance corrected, and Keith stood staring at him.
“What?”
“Yeah. Crazy, huh?”
“You’re an asshole,” Keith stated, folding his arms over his chest.
“Huh?”
“You heard me.”
“But why?”
“You’re married, Lance!” Keith yelled. “How could you do that to Allura?” He was infuriated.
“Oh, right.”
“What do you mean, Oh, right?” Keith yelled again, exasperated. “Oh, you’re a piece of work, McClain.”
“No no no!” Lance exclaimed, waving his hands around. “I mean, oh, right, nobody told you.”
“Told me what?”
“After you left, Allura and I got our marriage annulled,” Lance explained, and Keith could not even believe what he was hearing.
“Why?”
“We talked it through. We decided we rushed into things a bit too fast. I don’t regret it, not at all. It was one of the best days of my life. But we only dated for a few years, and I told her about how I felt about you, and…”
“What?!”
“Yeah. I was kind of an asshole. You aren’t wrong about that. But it was a mutual decision. Allura agreed that maybe we did rush into things, and after we cooled our relationship off for a while, we learned that we are actually better as friends. There’s less pressure, and I still love her to pieces, but it just… didn’t fit quite right.”
Keith could not even process this right now.
“Lance McClain, I swear to god if you did this because of me, I will never forgive you.”
“No. I mean, yes, but no. It was a part of the decision, of course, but I would never do that to Allura. She means the world to me. But, like I said, we tried out being just friends, and it was like the puzzle pieces fit back together again. And Allura has been on some dates, and I promise I would never in a million years be confessing to you right now if she didn’t approve of it.”
Keith’s mind was whirring a million miles a minute. Lance had dropped this gigantic bomb on him as soon as he had gotten back, and it was impossible to not flip through a thousand different thought processes.
He knew Lance was being serious. Lance would never joke about something like this. But was it actually okay? Was all of this okay?
“I’m gonna have to talk to Allura,” Keith said. “I can’t move forward with any of this unless I know for a fact that it won’t hurt her.”
“I completely understand,” Lance agreed. “But just know that I’ll wait for you. I’ve waited this long not knowing I had a chance. But now that I know I do, I’ll wait forever if I need to.”
Keith ignored the redness of his cheeks, stalking out of the hallway and towards the main room.
“Can I talk to Allura? Alone?” Keith asked as all of his friends stared at him. Lance walked into the room and sat down next to Hunk, and Allura stood up, following Keith back into the hallway.
“I’m so glad you’re back, Keith,” Allura said, smiling at him. She was so beautiful. She might be the most beautiful woman in the galaxy.
“What happened between you and Lance?” He asked. He wasn’t going to lead her into any sort of answer. He wanted to hear the whole thing, from her lips.
Allura sighed. “I love Lance, so so much. But after we got married, everything became different.” Because of me, Keith’s mind supplied. “It was like we weren’t us anymore, but rather what people expected us to be. For instance,” Allura continued, “when we went to the planet Varga, everyone there started to call out to us, telling us what we should be doing, when we should start a family, how we should behave. And we had a talk about it, Lance and I. And after a lot of conversation, we decided that maybe we should see what it was like if we didn’t have those pressures. So we trialed being friends. And, you know what?” She asked, a glint in her eye.
“Somehow I found that I loved Lance more as a friend. He is still a love of my life, but I realized that somewhere along the way I had lost the ability to truly know him. He was putting on an act, I realized. He wanted a perfect relationship, so he created one. And without that pressure, he was back. And I loved that version of our relationship so much more.”
Keith didn’t know what to say.
“I have a new boyfriend, now,” Allura said, rocking back and forth on her feet. “He’s lovely. So, don’t feel so guilty anymore, huh?”
Keith blubbered. “I-”
“No worries, Keith. I am truly blown away by what you did for me. For us. But you never had to do that. We love you, and we accept you no matter what.”
Keith felt a tear fall down his face.
“So, please, do me a favor and be happy, would you?” Allura asked, pulling Keith into a hug. He didn’t know how much he had missed human, well alien, contact since he had left the castle.
“You’re amazing, Allura,” Keith said, and he meant every word.
“As are you,” Allura added, smiling. “Don’t be a stranger.”
Allura and Keith walked back to the main room, and they sat down, Keith sitting in-between Allura and Lance.
It would take time. He knew that. There were so many wounds that were still too fresh. He still felt guilty for the split between Allura and Lance, and he felt guilty for leaving his family behind for so long.
But that was the thing.
They had all the time in the world.