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Rolling In The Dough

Summary:

Elzar and Calculon used to hate Bender

Nowadays, how come they love this short robot so much?

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Bender reclined comfortably on Calculon’s golden lap, his back resting against the robot actor’s polished chest. Calculon’s square chin nestled against Bender’s shoulder plate, holding him close with a practiced tenderness that seemed almost out of character for the famously dramatic robot thespian. But tonight, there were no cameras, no rehearsed lines—just quiet intimacy.

Bender stretched slightly, his round yellow optics gleaming as he glanced over at the bed where Elzar was changing into his dark-blue pajamas, each motion of his four arms efficient and fluid.

"Fry knows where I am," Bender declared, crossing his legs with a metallic clink. "Don’t have to worry about him freakin’ out again."

“Well, that’s one crisis averted. I was startin' to think that kid was gonna blow a gasket last time,” Elzar teased.

Bender rolled his optics, remembering Fry’s awkward—and very loud—reaction the first time he’d found Bender sneaking out after hours to meet up with his two lovers. Bender had never heard someone shout, “Bender, are you sneaking out to see Calculon? And is that Elzar in the car with you!?” quite so loudly. But now Fry had finally gotten used to the idea, or as used to it as Fry could get.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s all settled,” Bender replied dismissively. “The idiot got it through his meathead that robots have different ‘social structures’ or whatever it is I said to get him off my case. Fry’s got bigger things to worry about, anyway—like making rent.”

Calculon chuckled, his voice rich and deep as always. “Ah, Bender, my dear, you do have a way with words.” He tightened his arm around Bender and added with a wink, “And with certain other things.”

Bender snorted. “Damn right, I do.”

Finally dressed, Elzar sidled up on Bender’s other side, giving him a sly grin. He looped his four arms around them both, his chin resting comfortably on Bender’s opposite shoulder plate.

“You’re a lucky bot, Bender. You’ve got yourself a three-way where neither of us wants to kill you… most of the time,” Elzar murmured, eyes twinkling mischievously.

“‘Lucky,’ huh?” Bender sneered playfully, his metal jaw clinking as he feigned a sneer, though warmth radiated through his circuits. “Two months ago, you both wanted to scrap me for spare parts. Now look at us—one big, happy love pile.”

“Big, happy love pile,” Calculon echoed with an air of approval, running his hand affectionately over Bender’s shoulder plate. “A phrase I never thought I’d hear myself say, and yet it feels so right.”

“Well, if I’d known how much you two liked when I was stealing, maybe I woulda let you both in on my heist plans sooner!” Bender said, grinning.

"That is not what happened." Calculon rolled his optics, pulling the smaller robot closer to his chest.

Elzar scoffed, tapping Bender on the back of his head lightly. “Oh, don’t pretend you had this all planned out, metalhead. You were in way over your head, and you know it.”

“Hey! I knew exactly what I was doin’!” Bender protested, though his grin said otherwise. “I had it all planned out—sneak in, steal the goods, grab a few jewels, maybe some of those fancy rich-person food cubes, and get out without a scratch. It was gonna be the heist of the century!”

Calculon’s chest rumbled with another chuckle. “Until, of course, the police arrived.”

Bender’s optics gleamed at the memory. He’d been hauling a load of priceless treasures into his hidden compartment when the alarms went off, and he’d thought he was done for. But then Elzar had been there, along with Calculon, who owed Bender a favor after the robot had, at some point, miraculously “saved” one of Calculon’s movie premieres from a power outage—though Bender had definitely been the one to cause it.

“You still remember that, huh?” Bender said, the memories washing over him with unexpected fondness. “Both of you, showin' up outta nowhere like the knight-bots in those movies Calculon loves.”

“Oh, please,” Elzar drawled, though a smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I only showed up to see if you were finally getting hauled off to robot jail.”

“And I only showed up to see the chaos,” Calculon added. “But… I suppose it was worth it.”

He turned Bender’s head with a gentle nudge and planted a surprisingly soft kiss on his forehead. Bender couldn’t help but grin, feeling a rush of something he usually reserved for mischief and mayhem. Maybe he really was lucky.

“And yet,” Calculon continued, “I find myself enjoying your company more than I’d anticipated.” His voice softened. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you that night.”

Bender coughed, feeling his cooling fans start to kick in. “Aw, you’re just sayin' that ‘cause I’m great in bed.”

“Yeah, well, if I wasn’t, I’d be lyin’, wouldn’t I?” Elzar teased, drawing Bender closer as he pressed a kiss to the side of his head. Bender could feel himself almost overheating from all this attention. It was strange, but… nice. He wasn’t used to anyone holding him like this.

“Alright, alright, enough mushy stuff,” Bender said, trying to wave them off, though he didn’t make a move to pull away. “You two better be grateful. If it weren’t for me, neither of you would have had such an ‘adventure.’”

“Oh, we’re very grateful,” Calculon purred, his hand drifting over Bender’s shoulder in a way that sent a pleasant hum through Bender’s circuits. “You have quite the talent for stirring up excitement.”

“Yeah, you can say that again,” Elzar murmured, his hands trailing affectionately along Bender’s back.

Bender felt them drawing closer, their warmth surrounding him. His metal plating softened ever so slightly, and he allowed himself a small, genuine smile. These two might’ve hated his guts once, but somehow, they’d wound up here, tangled in each other’s arms in a way that felt right.