Archive of Our Own ^beta

People have different ways of coping. Some get into drugs and alcohol, some shut down, others simply don’t find a way.

For James, he fought. He hurt people. He would take his anger and pent-up feelings out on anyone he could. He was always in fights; always getting in trouble. It was his way of coping.

He has done it for as long as he can remember. Even in elementary school, he would get into fights. Back then it was just pushing kids on the playground, but now it is fist fights and curses. Anything to release his anger. Any way to cope.

“James, you won’t have a good future if you keep this up.” His teachers would tell him. Any time he pushed a kid or hit one, the teachers would pull him aside, and give him the same lecture they always did. They never punished him, not really. Just lectures and sometimes staying inside from recess.

When he got to Hogwarts, things changed. He fought more; he did more damage. Sure, it got him into detention constantly, and most teachers didn’t like him, but it was fun. Maybe it wasn’t healthy, but it worked. He was coping.

“Not surprised to see you here James.” The professor said sharply. “Take a seat.”

Most people thought James was just in trouble a lot for pranks and silly things like that. A fight here or there. Nobody really knew how often perfect little James Potter was beating up kids.

James went to sit in his normal spot. He had been there so many times, he had a designated spot. He sat there every time. Nobody ever got in the way of that.

Until someone did.

In his spot, staring off into space, was Barty Crouch Jr. He didn’t even move when the teacher spoke, or when James walked right up to him.

“What are you doing here?” James asked sharply.

Barty blinked a couple times, clearly not fully present. He turns to James. “Sitting? What does it look like?”

Something was off about him. Normally he was sarcastic, yes, but his words had bite. So why did he sound so… dull?

“I always sit there.” James retorts back, not in the mood for any stupid shenanigans Barty was trying to do.

“Sit somewhere else.” He says shortly, going back to staring at the wall.

James sighs, not in the mood to argue with him.

Barty was in about as many fights as James was, maybe more. The only difference was Barty wanted people to know. He wanted them to know he was dangerous, that he was mean. James did it simply to let his anger out. He liked to be known as perfect. He felt wanted.

James sits right next to him, simply to piss him off. To his surprise, Barty doesn’t say anything. He just sits there, staring at the wall.

Something was off. Barty never just… stared. He would try to get under your skin; try to make you mad. He didn’t just sit there and say nothing.

But that wasn’t James' business, was it? He didn’t need to know what was going on in Barty’s head; it wasn’t of his concern. He knows he wouldn’t want anyone seeing what goes on in his brain. That just simply wouldn’t end well.

Even so, James steals glances at Barty every now and then. Every time he looks over, Barty hasn’t moved. He is still just staring at the wall, clearly not present.

Finally, he can’t take it anymore. “Barty?’ James asks quietly.

Barty doesn’t move.

“Barty.” He says firmer, slightly shoving the side of his arm.

Barty blinks a couple times, before turning to James. “What?” He asks, trying to put a mask of carelessness on.

“Are you okay? Genuinely.” James asks, slightly cautious. Barty had a tendency of lashing out.

“Fine.” He says shortly, looking down at his hands. He had a couple of silver rings adorning his fingers. Nothing fancy, but enough to attract someone’s attention.

“I can tell you are lying. I know it’s none of my business, but you seriously aren’t acting like you are fine.” James still treads carefully, despite noticing Barty wasn’t biting back like normal.

“You’re right, it is none of your business, so fuck off.”

He was getting defensive. Barty was clearly hiding something, but James knew he wouldn’t get anything out of the boy.

“Fine, fine whatever. Sorry for caring.” James really hadn’t been in the mood to argue, and Barty would never cooperate, so he would let it go.

Barty is quiet, never responding. Normally the boy itches for a fight, longing to argue and hurt people.

They didn’t talk the rest of the time. They are dismissed to go to their dorms, so that is where they go.

James didn’t know what was going on with Barty, but he was not getting good vibes from it.

James fought to cope. He took it out on others, refusing to acknowledge his problems. What if Barty had been doing the same? What if Barty was struggling? Maybe he was stuck in his mind, trying to fight the feelings away, trying to get out.

James noticed him staring off because he’s done it. When there isn’t a distraction, he is lost in his head. Not present, not feeling real. Just like he is a ghost in a human body.

He couldn’t just let Barty feel like that. The torture of James’ mind is bad enough, but Barty’s? Everyone knows he doesn’t like his father. If people had the slightest bit of perception skills, they would realize it’s deeper than just a teenage phase. If people weren’t so oblivious to the world around them, they would notice not all of his bruises are from fights.

James was probably a bit more perceptive than most, but not by a lot. He just notices things because he actually takes the time to look at someone.

It didn’t take a genius to know that Barty was struggling. James just had to find a way to get him to admit that something was wrong.

And James was anything but a loser.

It didn’t take long for James to get Barty to admit it. Not even a week.

James had gone up to the Astronomy Tower, which he normally does when he isn’t in the mood to punch someone. Nobody is ever up there, and he can peacefully try to regulate his emotions.

When he got up there, someone was already there. That person was none other than Barty.

He was much like how he was in detention a couple days ago. Staring off into space, not even acknowledging James’ presence. Except this time, something was different.

His eyes were red and puffy, like he had been crying. His entire demeanor was just… not okay. Like he wasn’t okay.

James really doesn’t know how to comfort people. Not well anyways. Sure, he can hug someone, tell them it will be okay, but that’s it. The entire situation is uncomfortable for him, but he pretends like he knows what he is doing.

He carefully moves, standing next to Barty. Maybe he could just… sit there. Maybe Barty didn’t want comfort. What if he just wanted the presence of a body, you know?

The boy still doesn’t even acknowledge James. He just keeps staring out, slightly leaning over the railing.

“Barty?” James asks gently, trying to get the boy to come back to the present.

No answer.

James didn’t want to touch him, as he knew that normally didn’t end well, at least for James anyway.

“Barty.” He says, a little more firm this time.

The boy blinks a few times, slowly coming back to reality. His eyes look more focused now, and after a few moments, he turns his head to James.

“What do you want?” He asks, no bite to his tone at all. He sounds tired.

“You’ve been crying.” James states softly, trying not to alarm Barty.

“Look at you being all smart.” He says sarcastically, rolling his eyes as he turns back to staring out at nothing in particular.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

And nobody said anything for a bit. They just stood there, Barty’s eyes fixed on the sunset straight in front of him, James’ eyes wandering around, glancing at Barty every once in a while.

“Do you want me to leave?” James asks quietly, eyes back to only looking at Barty.

“Please stay.” He says it so quietly that James barely catches it.

“Okay.” Is all James says, and goes back to watching the sunset as well.

They don’t talk for a while. They just sit in silence, watching the sun go down.

Some time later, once the sun is basically set, Barty speaks again. “You aren’t going to force me to talk…?”

“No. I get it. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. People don’t always want to share every little detail with everyone.” James says, eyes not leaving the sky.

Barty stays silent for a few moments. “Thank you.” He says quietly. That’s when James notices that Barty’s hand is shaking slightly against the railing.

James cautiously places his hand on top of Barty’s, stilling the shaking. The boy’s breath hitches, body tensing at the physical contact.

“I’m not gonna hurt you.” He says softly, not moving his hand.

Barty doesn’t say anything, but he slowly relaxes.

“If you ever want to talk, I’m willing to listen.” James says quietly.

“Maybe.” Barty replies after a couple moments.

They ended up staying there until far past curfew. They rarely ever said anything, but it was a comfortable silence. A few words were said here and there, which were mostly just James saying small reassurances.

Despite James’ best efforts, Barty’s mood never really changed. He could tell the boy felt safer, like James being there was protecting him from something, most likely his own mind. Besides that, he still seemed… not okay. Something was wrong, but James knew he couldn’t pressure.

They had moved to sitting on the floor. Barty wouldn’t admit anything, but James noticed his legs trembling slightly, and he wondered if that was why Barty opted to move to the ground. Barty never said why, he just said that he was going to sit. So they did. They moved to the floor, now propped up against a pillar. James’ hand wasn’t over Barty’s anymore. His hands were now hidden in his lap. Based on what James could see, he could guess they were shaking more now.

“You can talk to me, you know. I won’t judge.” He repeats, looking at Barty. The boy clearly wasn’t okay.

As if that had cut the final string Barty was clinging to, a hand comes to his mouth as he starts to cry. He curls tighter into himself, like he was trying to shield away from the world.

“Hey, hey you’re okay.” James says softly, moving closer to Barty.

His voice breaks. “Nothing is okay.”

Barty sucked in air, like he was choking. He was shaking even more now.

James doesn’t want to startle Barty, but he knew that the boy needed a hug. He carefully pulls him close, holding him gently. “I know, I know. I’m here okay? I’m not leaving you.”

Surprisingly, Barty melts into the hug. He clings to James’ shirt, crying into his chest. It was like he finally let everything go. All his walls were down, and he was sobbing against James.

James knew that Barty needed this. The way he was clinging, the way he was crying; it was obvious that he needed it. James was more than willing to let him.

They sit there for a bit, and eventually Barty’s cries fade to sniffles. His grip on James loosened, and now he was just laying there quietly. James’ hand was in Barty’s hair, softly running his fingers through it.

“Feeling any better?” James asks eventually.

“A bit.” Barty says quietly.

James keeps holding him, and before they know it, it is past midnight.

“You should head back to your dorm. It’s late.” James says quietly.

“Oh. I guess.” He mumbles, finally lifting his head from James’ chest.

“Are… are you safe there?” James asks softly.

“Yeah. Reg and Evan care. It’s just hard to talk about it all. They will notice right away.” Barty replies, hesitating to stand.

“Do you want me to walk you there?”

“Could you…?”

“Of course.”

And so James did. He walked Barty there, staying close, but never touching him.

“Thank you.” Barty says quietly, stopping in front of the common room entrance. “I know it is out of your way.”

“It’s no problem, really. I don’t mind.” James smiles softly. “Try and get some sleep, yeah?”

“Yeah.” He replies, and enters the common room, leaving James standing alone in the cold hallway to the dungeons.

Maybe that wasn’t how he wanted tonight to go, but James is glad that it went the way it did. He may not know what was really going through Barty’s mind, but he knows he helped. And maybe that is all that mattered.

Even though Barty doesn’t know it, he saved James. James went there that night to jump off of the tower, just like he assumed Barty was.

The two often found each other up in the Astronomy Tower. It often went similar to that night; a few words, but still comfort. They found a way to not have to speak, but still help each other.

They slowly learnt more and more about each other. Even so, James never broke. He didn’t say a lot about his mind. Barty didn’t either.

They obviously weren’t perfect, but they were imperfect together.

James learned to trust him. Barty was probably the person he trusted most. Sure, his friends were awesome, and he loved them, but they didn’t understand. They didn’t get the way his brain worked. And that was fine, James himself could barely understand it. But Barty did get it. He understood. They were similar. And it was refreshing to James in a way, to have that comfort, to have that understanding.

So maybe they weren’t perfect. Maybe they weren’t the healthiest people. But they wanted to survive a bit more now. They tried a bit harder to live. They didn’t get into as many fights. Obviously there was still a lot, but not as much as before. They helped each other.

They built a trust neither thought was possible. It was so fragile, but so meaningful. Years of trust issues had built walls, making it hard, but they had a connection nonetheless. It was their thing. It was special.

Sure, many things were still rocky. The fights, the breakdowns, the harsh words, the days on end without talking, it was all there. Even so, they learned to build around it. You need the bad times to build something special, something strong. It is what brings people closer, when they can see the good, even in all of the bad.

James was one of the few people who saw the good in Barty. Very little did. Barty was the only one who understood James’ mind, even if it wasn’t all the way. James didn’t need to share his life story for Barty to understand him, and that made it so much easier. James felt seen. He didn’t feel like he was hiding behind a mask.

Maybe that detention wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened to James that day.