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“you want me to join them for dinner?” Sam.
“I want us to join them for dinner” Jess.
Cuddled up on the couch in Sam’s dorm like every recent Friday Sam felt a rush of affection while Jess and he discussed their plans for the upcoming holidays, he of course having told her that he didn’t particularly plan on doing anything else than sitting on this exact couch in this exact tidy and studious room to watch reruns of the same 3 shows he did every year, just now without Dean at his side. Jess had stared for a second, hoping for him to get the hint before she disagreed verbally with his plan and told him he should join her family’s Christmas celebrations instead.
“I mean I don’t want it to be yet another year of me being the only one without a plus one you know. It’s a big family” she argued “Plus, it’s always Beth did this, Beth did that, Beth went to medical school.”
Sam chuckled as he felt Jess’ playful annoyance resonate through her entire body.
“So, you’re trying to compete by dating a lawyer?”
“Oh, definitely.” Jess lifted her head, her eyes twinkling as she watched Sam comb his fingers through her hair. “You know, my mom would love you.”
Sam murmured something, a content smile spreading across his face as he repeated the sound, almost like a purr.
“But you think meeting them has implications for me meeting yours?” Jess filled in the gap left by his quiet, her tone gentle but probing. She didn’t know much about Sam’s family life; he had rarely mentioned anyone from them other than perhaps his brother in situations that he compared to one the two of them had been in. She knew his mother had died when he was a kid and that his father – a mechanic from Kansas – hadn’t dealt with that well. She also knew about a man named Bobby, someone Sam had never specified the role or family ties of but appeared to look up to a great deal and whom by now she had caught her boyfriend sneaking midnight phone calls with more than just once. All to say that she didn’t know everything, just enough for her to want to punch one or multiple of them in the gut.
Another murmur from Sam. Jess softly put her head back down on his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, the pitter-patter having gone just the slightest bit out of sync since her question. “You know how I feel about that.”
Sam nodded, his hand still gently playing with her hair. “I could take you on a romantic date to the cemetery, of course, but who would be impressed by that?” he joked, his voice light but with a hint of underlying seriousness.
“Now that’s just called deflection,” Jess laughed, a warm, genuine sound. She added softly, “Not that I would mind.” She trailed her index finger over his chest. “Christmas at my parents’ place, Newyears at your mom’s grave?”
Sam grimaced, though not unkindly. “Deal” he murmured, twisting himself just enough to where his side now laid on the couch instead of his entire back, his face turned towards Jess as he moved his hand to move some hair from her face, staring into her eyes. He wanted to apologize to her for being like this, always, for being open but never too open, for being honest but only through shutting up before he had to give the white lies he had been raised on, for everything he would inevitably put her through if this, them, kept moving in the direction they were if she kept making him fall for her, her brain, her brilliant personality, but his mind being on this track and her eyes piercing into his all that came out was a soft “god you’re beautiful.”
Jess smiles, bringing her face closer to Sam’s kissing him as she moves her hand over his skin, leaving it resting on his shoulder with the other closer to his back, careful to not push either of them off the couch she likewise turns to be physically closer to him “I know.” Her voice is soft like a whisper, her mouth closer to Sam’s ear before she kisses him again, it is a soft motion, having taken the clue to drop the subject for now and feeling Sam’s appreciation with every breath either of them takes. “Everything about this is beautiful.”
Later, when they are lying on Sam’s bed together, he watches Jessica sleep, his right arm that she has claimed as her pillow aching as he moves it just the slightest bit to get a better look at her. He can’t quite identify what expression he is making but it feels warm, safe, tired perhaps from both of their warm bodies having been intertwined all night. They had seen everything, gone from the couch to the table to the wall, Jess had him twirled around her finger and only once tonight had something really worried him: Jess’ fingers had gone over his bare skin, his shoulders, his sides, they had found and traced Sam’s scars, some of them still considerably recent but instead of commenting on them like Sam had thought for a second that she would she had let go and focused all of her attention back on his face, seeking for his reaction and allowance before she proceeded to push him on the bed. they had chuckled, Jess was tiny, and yet he had allowed her to do whatever felt right for both of them in that moment.
Sam looked at his girlfriend, his girlfriend, she, a person that had looked at him now weeks ago, her face flustered as she asked him if he was someone that ‘did those kinds of things, relationships’, he had made fun of her in the moment but very quickly realized that making a joke about something they both appeared to want only made It harder for both of them. ‘no’ he had told her, her face dropping before he explained that he had never been someone to have or think about those kinds of situations, because his home life just wasn’t like that. ‘but I want one with you’ he ad said. He had been afraid, and still was afraid, because having something meant he could lose it and with Jess, as it was both wonderful and hurtful to admit, he didn’t want to risk being able to lose her. still, inevitably, he had recognized that he much rather have her by his side than anywhere else.
“I love you.”
A shake went through Sam’s body as he felt the words escape his lips for the first time, the first time in ever. Glad about the fact that Jess’ sleeping state meant she didn’t hear him admitting to this, and more, he kissed her forehead.
“Please never leave.”
That night Sam dreams, the first of many to come though in contrast to Sam’s earlier state they weren’t happy: it was Jessica, stuck to the ceiling with her eyes and mouth wide open, flames engulfing her as she was burned alive, her mouth forming a soundless plea.
Drenched in Sweat Sam awoke, his hand instinctively searching for Jess’ who still slept soundly beside him.
The angel had been right.