Chapter Text
“It’s choking me,” Sirius protested, pulling at the collar of his shirt.
“Quit it,” Walburga snapped, and slapped him lightly on the shoulder.
He huffed, and stood straight, raising his chin to give her a chance to readjust his tie for the final time. She smoothed the lapels of the suit jacket, checked on the fasteners that brought the cloak to his shoulders, and smoothed down the vest at his waist. Orion handed her the final silver chain, which she promptly hooked into his pocket to mimic a pocket watch, then stood back, scrutinizing her son.
“‘Is hair is too long,” Orion commented.
“Darling zat is just ‘is face,” she answered, resting a hand on his cheek.
He said nothing, glaring down at his son, before squeezing Walburga’s hand, and exiting the room, most likely to the parlor, where the family was waiting.
Walburga stepped close to Sirius, examining his appearance, before tapping her wand to his temple and whispering, “ Legilimens .”
He froze, standing straight, trying his best to remain calm and force her back out of his mind. But it had been years of torture like this, and it was something - like all of his trauma - that he just had to push down. This summer, it was far worse than any other before. Though she hadn’t discovered his darkest secrets, she’d gotten close.
Her voice suddenly filled his mind.
You vill be a good son. Her fucking French accent. You vill not disobey. You vill follow the commands asked of you. And then she began to probe. Delving into his mind, carding through his memories, and it flooded Sirius’ body with fear. He felt his fingertips go numb, and his tongue lax in his mouth, knowing she was about to draw the truth out of him at all costs.
He couldn’t let her in. She couldn’t see what he was hiding. Sirius looked down and realized that his fingernails were digging so deep into his palms that he was bleeding, and it made Walburga grin. Every flick of her wand, subtle touch of her fingertips felt like fire, all he wanted to do was peel off his own skin so that he’d never have to know her touch again.
And then it came flooding into his mind.
He was standing in the Common Room with Remus, and they were in the middle of celebrating their win over Hufflepuff. Remus was looking down at him, those golden-amber eyes hooded and possessive, and it made his insides feel like mush. Sirius always knew he liked men, and only men, but he’d been quite practiced at hiding it. Yet in that moment, his best friend looked at him like he was the only person in that room, and it made him feel alive. All he wanted was for Remus to just-
“STOP!” he shouted, smacking her hand away, breaking free of the curse for a moment.
Walburga froze, holding her hand in shock, before fury crawled over her face. Her eyebrows drew together, and her mouth went flat and tight, before she spoke again: “ Crucio .”
Tiny needles, burning white hot spread over his body, all he wanted was for it to stop, tears began to slip from his eyes, as he dropped to his knees, silently begging his mother to stop, to let him go, he felt nails crawling up his skin, it felt like acid was being thrown in his eyes as they burned and stung and then it just stopped . Sirius was on his hands and knees, panting, and Walburga was standing above him, with a wicked glare.
“Never disobey your muzzer,” she said, speaking slowly and deliberately. “Get up. You embarrazz yourself.”
Miserably, Sirius found the strength to stand. She adjusted his outfit once more, even though he recoiled from her touch. It was time to go into the Floo for the Ball, and what she had seen would most certainly be a topic for discussion later.
Just one more week. He told himself. If he could survive that, he might never have to return here again.
--
Every summer, the Black family hosted the Solstice Ball. They owned various event spaces across England and France, and this year it was hosted at the summer home in Alsace. The hosts were always the last to arrive, which is why Sirius and his family appeared out of the Floo last. Most of the guests were milling about before dinner was to be served, exploring the Grand Ballroom.
He discovered his cousins and their parents waiting for them, with feigned patience. It was all an act, like every Black family event was, but that was perhaps the point. Bellatrix stood at the end of the room, adjusting her hair in the mirror, pouting her lip every so often, to test how her lipstick held.
Narcissa was silent, staring at the floor, her father’s hand on her shoulder. Her long blond hair was tucked behind her ears, her bangs freshly trimmed, and the silvery white gown glittered in the candle light of the room. Andromeda stood opposite her, wearing a grimace as she observed her sisters in their different moods of displeasure. Hidden beneath the skirts of her mauve dress was a pair of boots, and tied to her upper thigh were five joints, though if asked, it was to “share” with her cousins. Their mother stood before Floo, the first to greet them when they arrived.
“Bonjour, bonjour!” she said, her voice dripping with cheerfulness as she kissed Walburga on both cheeks.
His mother gave a curt smile, awkwardly hugging her back before walking over to greet her brother. He released his grip on Narcissa, and she immediately stood and sat next to Andromeda, and Sirius could faintly hear her heart pounding. It was one of the aspects of being an Animagus that drove him insane, though he did feel bad for the stress she was being put under.
“Hi Bella,” Sirius said calmly, after having greeted his aunt and uncle.
“Sirius,” she said, her voice sharp as ever. “How do I look?”
“Fit to be a queen,” he said calmly, which earned him a false smile. In reality, they were being as petty as possible as they could under the watchful eye of their parents.
“Reggie!” Bellatrix looked past Sirius and extended her arms out to him, which he uncomfortably accepted, looking to Sirius for respite.
He, however, had gone to greet Narcissa and Andromeda, each who had a different variant of “find a way to sneak out” to tell him. Regulus managed to break free, and Walburga grabbed him to fix his hair once more, before he walked over to Sirius.
Silently, Regulus was glaring at his brother saying, Really?
To which Sirius answered, I’m not getting involved with her bull.
She isn’t that bad. Regulus shrugged at Sirius.
He had to stifle a snort, knowing what Regulus actually meant to say.
“Arr we ready?” Druella addressed the room.
“Oui,” Walburga answered.
The family immediately fell into place; Narcissa, Bellatrix, and Andromeda took the front, lacing their arms together. Behind them, Sirius and Regulus stood side by side, refusing to link arms. Druella and Cygnus followed, with Walburga and Orion behind them. This was how the grand entrance was made each time, presenting the sisters, the brothers, the second born, and the first born. In this way, it cued Walburga up perfectly for a speech.
The sisters descended the staircase, and stood at the front of the dance floor. Their entrance signaled the rest of the party to pay attention to the stairs, and one by one, each stepped forwards, gave a gentle curtsy to the crowd, and then stepped back. They went to sit at the head table as Sirius and Regulus followed, mimicking the presentation of bowing and then returning. Finally, once all but Walburga and Orion were seated, they stepped forwards to the balcony overlooking the crowd.
“Bonjour,” Walburga said, her voice amplified with a spell, but still clear and crisp. How Sirius had grown to hate that sound.
The crowd responded with the same greeting.
She droned on in French for quite some time, before translating the key parts into English. The guests were instructed to find their seats at their tables, and food would be served shortly after. The band took up a dirge to play Walburga and Orion’s official entrance to the party. He gave her a short spin to show off the craftsmanship of the dress, while she stood idly by as he bowed.
Only once they took their seats were the rest of the guests permitted to sit. Immediately afterwards, the elves began to sprint about, serving up the first course: an appetizer of paté with a slow-cooked cherry tomato served over a piece of grilled baguette.
Sirius sat between Regulus and Andromeda, and while Regulus was solely focused on surviving the evening, Sirius and Andromeda were looking for any chance to escape. While she was hiding multiple joints, he was hiding a pack of cigarettes, knowing that he would find some chance to sneak away.
“When do you return?” she asked him, crafting the sentence carefully.
“Mid August,” he answered. “But perhaps sooner.”
“Since wh-” Regulus began to ask, but Sirius kicked him under the table to get him to shut up. He nodded his comprehension, and although didn’t approve, he wasn’t about to stop him either.
“If you’re fine with skipping something sweeter…” Andromeda started to say.
“Yes,” Sirius immediately answered.
“Regulus, my boy,” Orion interrupted their discussion. “Your uncle ‘as asked you a question.”
“Désolé,” he murmured. “Oui, Uncle?”
“‘Ow arr your studies going?” Cygnus repeated.
“Just fine,” Regulus began to explain, and Sirius and Andromeda exchanged a look.
The perfect distraction.
Sirius stood first, walking off without a word, ignoring the silent protests of his mother’s facial expressions. He first went into the kitchen, stole a plate of the appetizers, and then snuck out the back into the courtyard. Walburga would never go outside to check on him, for fear of appearing rude, and would much rather chew him out back at home.
Andromeda followed suit, but bid adieu to her sisters (silently implying either could come with her), before she went to the bathroom. From there, she snuck into the courtyard, hoping the distraction of Regulus being paraded as the perfect Slytherin child would act as enough for them.
“Got a light?” she asked him.
“Right here,” he said, pulling out his wand.
“I do not trust you,” she said, immediately recoiling.
“Oh relax, Remus taught me zis,” Sirius said, and pulled out a cigarette and lit it, offering her one.
She gingerly accepted, and allowed him to light it and pass it over - Remus’ abilities were not mirrored by Sirius in any way, shape, or form.
“You always talk about ‘im,” she commented.
“I do not,” Sirius scoffed.
Andromeda took a long drag on the cigarette, before pulling out her joints. “You do,” she said, the smoke curling with her exhale.
“Whatever,” Sirius said, huffing.
“You talk about James all ze time,” she started saying, “but not ‘ow you talk about Remus.”
Sirius shot her a glare. Even though she was right, nobody in the family knew, nobody in the family even knew he was gay.
“I kissed a girl last month,” she commented idly. “She wants to go out again.”
Sirius stared at her, slightly slack-jawed. She handed him the joint calmly, clearly intent on him lighting it.
“If zis is a metaphor, I do not get it,” he said, lighting it and taking a drag before handing it back to her.
“It’s not,” she said, stubbing out her cigarette in favor of the joint.
Sirius continued to smoke, but thought long and hard about what Andromeda was saying. She wouldn’t care, hell Narcissa wouldn’t care. The rest of them… he couldn’t trust. And worse, if it was a recent memory of him telling Andromeda, Walburga could find it, and she most certainly was not done torturing him.
He let out a long exhale, smoke following as he did, before saying, “You should not ‘ave done zat.” But his eyes betrayed each word he was saying, as though he was begging her to understand.
“I lied,” she said, with a shrug. The way her brows tensed, and the way her mouth twitched let him know that she knew, and it was okay. And that lie would cover her ass in case Walburga decided to inform her parents of the same information.
“‘Ow’s Bella?” Sirius asked.
“She’s ze same. Muzzer and Fazzer ‘ave just introduced ‘er to… amm…” she trailed off, trying to remember the suitor’s name.
“Rodolphus?” Sirius asked.
“‘Ow do you know?” Andromeda demanded.
“Muzzer told me about it,” Sirius said with a shrug. “Zey were going to do ze same with me, but-” and he shrugged, to punctuate the sentence.
“I see,” Andromeda nodded.
The pair sat in silence, continuing to smoke and listen to the noise of the party inside. Soon, there would be dancing, and far too much drinking. Walburga would be slightly tipsy and need Orion’s support to get home, Bellatrix would be off torturing Regulus until Sirius rescued him, and Narcissa would be quiet as ever, avoiding all interactions until Andromeda came to talk to her. It happened at every family party.
The sharp clicking of heels made both of them jump up and put out their respective substances, hiding them in their pockets, while Andromeda casted a quick perfume Charm to mask the scent.
“Wair ‘ave you been?” Narcissa demanded.
“Narcissa!” Andromeda hissed, completely shocked to find her.
“Aunt Walburga wants Sirius,” she said, nodding to him.
“Great,” he said with a grimace. “I’ll pay my respects inside.”
The three made their way back inside, only to discover that the dancing had begun. Walburga was glaring down at Sirius, clearly furious he hadn’t even tried to come up with an excuse to leave. She sent him to go find Regulus so that they could deliver apologies to Druella and Cygnus, but it wouldn’t matter.
By the time he returned with Regulus, they would be off dancing and Walburga would be making her rounds with their guests. It was easier to accept the punishment later, and enjoy the time that he did get to have with his cousin.
Nevertheless, he still made his way over to go rescue Regulus, who was clearly trying his best to appease Bellatrix, though it was always to no avail.
--
Orion Black’s study was incredibly well organized. There were various accolades and pieces of Renaissance art adorning the walls, while the bookshelves were ladened with different pieces from himself, family members, and famous wizards. His desk was a dark chestnut, harvested from the trees outside, and crafted by master elves who were trained in woodworking.
Sirius Black stood across the table from him, unable to sit down. His father was facing away, seeming to take in a piece of art, which Sirius recognized as a page from the Book of Kells. Whether or not it was an actual page was a question for another time.
His behavior at the Ball had been severely reprimanded (as was Andromeda’s), but there was the matter of the memory that Walburga had uncovered. It didn’t reveal too much, but she had parsed out most of what it meant. There was a very good chance that they would find some new way to torture him, even while he was gone for school.
“Sit,” his father finally said, turning and taking the grand seat behind the desk. So Sirius did the same, and stared blankly at his father. “Your muzzer told me vat happened.”
“So?” Sirius said, refusing to make eye contact.
“Look at me when you speak,” he said, his voice sharp to the stale air in the room, forcing Sirius to raise his gaze.
“Oui, Fazzer,” Sirius said, his voice barely a whisper.
“Never, in ze history of zis family,” Orion began to lecture, “‘as zere ever been someone like you.”
“Merci,” Sirius said under his breath.
Orion shot up, slamming his hands on the desk. “TAIS-TOI!”
Sirius bit his tongue and sunk deeper into the chair.
“Ve do not send you to zat school to be gay ,” Orion snarled. “You arr lucky zat ve ‘ave let you run wild for so long. If ve catch un word of zis… boy in your life again…”
“You’ll vat?” Sirius snapped back, sitting up once more. “You can’t make my life any werse zo long as I am here.”
“You ‘ave no place ‘ere!” Orion shouted. “You arr anozzer mouth to feed and child to be dizzapointed by!”
“Orion!” a voice came from behind them. Walburga was standing there, with her arms crossed, glaring sternly at both of them.
“Oui?” he asked, trying to relax a bit.
“Do not be so hasty,” she advised. “Sirius, ve love you.” She walked over to where Orion was standing and laid a hand on his chest. “So long as you protect ze family name.”
He stood up, trying to gauge what the hell was going on with them with a single look. Usually they were a united front when it came to hating him, but they stood on opposite sides of this battle. Orion was red in the face, ready to kick Sirius out any moment, while Walburga, though hating his guts, needed him for… some reason.
It was probably to keep up the appearances of a happy family, after all, a blood traitor gay son wasn’t exactly top of their wishlist when it came to what the public knew about them. And after his arrests earlier that summer for helping muggle protestors, he was on extra thin ice. There was a chance they truly would be done with him, and would be done with him soon.
“You ‘ave a home here,” she said, her voice mellifluous and calm. “So long as you arr a good model of zis family.”
“Zen why ‘aven’t you send me packing yet?” Sirius demanded.
The laugh that left her lips was curt and dry, heartless just like her soul. It was the family name, after all. So long as he wasn’t kicked out, they were the perfect parents. They were raising a problem child and slowly teaching him the ways of a proper pureblood heir. And Sirius felt he couldn’t leave, because he had to protect Regulus from their rage.
As long as he was there, Regulus was safe. Though Regulus kissed their asses, and was the perfect son for them, he was brutalized in a different way by Walburga’s rage. As long as Sirius was home, not only could he shield his brother, but he could teach him just why they were wrong. He couldn't leave, as much as he didn’t want to stay.
Walburga had noticed that Sirius was weighing all of this information as the three stood silently in the room. He had a few days left to pack, and that could be done alone, completely avoiding his family for the most part. Surviving two more years was daunting, unstomachable, but in that moment, he decided he had to. If not for himself, to save his brother. No matter what he did to tarnish the Black name, it would never amount to enough to warrant being exiled from the family. They wanted him to run, so they could play the bereft parents.
And he wanted to stay for Reggie. So Sirius planted his feet in the ground, and drew his head up high, having made a silent decision about what would happen in the next few days.
“You understand?” she asked, feigning ignorance, smiling a wicked grin at him.
Sirius let out a long exhale, and swallowing all of his pride, he hung his head, and the word was a ghost on his lips as he said, “Oui.”