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To say Boyfriend was having a good day right now would be an understatement. At long last, he and his beloved girlfriend, Girlfriend, would finally be able to do the bed breaking that had been denied for oh-so long. Her parents had finally gone away on a business trip, and this time, they forgot to have one of their henchmen monitor her at all times. Nothing could stand in his way now, no helicopter parents, no lingering minions, no new assassins, and no new death traps!
The blue-haired boy was strutting merrily down the sidewalk ignoring the odd looks he got from people. He dug around in his pocket trying to search for-
thunk
“Ah, there it is.” thought Boyfriend to himself as he pulled out a newly-bought Magnums, the rubber, not the gun. He had to stay protected after all, ain’t no way he could be a daddy right now even if he wanted to. Not like not being able to rawdog was going to stop him, except a bite to eat since he forgot about breakfast.
As he continued on his way to paradise, the third-youngest Hatsune spotted a peculiar sign.
“ <— Free Cookies past this unsuspicious, old door”
“Tch, yeah right. Miss me with that bull-” Boyfriend stopped mid sentence as he read the second part of the sign.
“+Free Fingerboards and Drinkable Yogurt”
“Say no more, sign.”
With that, Boyfriend practically slammed the door open, but since he wasn’t raised in a barn, he politely shut it after rushing into the building. After he did so, a familiar purple demon emerged from behind the building rubbing his hands together as he snickered to himself.
“All too easy, now all I have to do is wait until the deed is done.” Dearest’s evil thoughts were interrupted as he received a text from his wife about one of their henchmen accidentally opening another portal to hell again.
The demon sighed as he made his way back to where he and Mearest were “staying” for their “business trip”. Ah well, at least he could come look at the handiwork later.
—————————————————————————
Boyfriend was looking around inside the building for everything that was promised, but there was one teensy problem.
It was pitch black.
He was stumbling around the place like a drunkard as he grasped at anything trying to see if it was cookies, a yogurt cup, or anything else. Unfortunately, it seems that his efforts were fruitless as he found nothing. However, in his darkest hour when all hope was lost, he saw a light inside a small room. Running out of patience and in a fit of desperation, he dashed towards the room and was met with a glorious sight.
On a table in the middle of an empty room with a single light overhead lay a plate. The plate was adorned with delicious cookies with chocolate chips that glistened in the light, yogurt that screamed louder than a banshee about the sheer quality of taste they had, and fingerboards of such sublime texture and refinement that they could only be used by a pro.
Having regained hope at long last, Boyfriend rushed to claim what was rightfully his…only to have it fall over at the last second as it was revealed to be a cardboard prop. The rapper stumbled back in astonishment. Impossible, was this really a trap?
He heard guns click behind him as skeletons dressed in mafia outfits emerged from the only doorway. They held guns in their hands all pointed at the dumbfounded young man.
“He fell for it, rattle ‘em boys! Nyeh-hehehehehe!”
Having little time to react, Boyfriend pulled out his pack of condoms to shield himself. They were called protection for a reason. Just as he did, the skeletons opened fire.
Boyfriend immediately found himself riddled with bullets. His clothes were torn as he had backed against a wall before the gunfire ceased allowing him to slump down against it leaving a trail of blood on said wall. Despite all odds, he was still very much alive somehow. Boyfriend stared down at the dark floor before him as he felt his clothes grow wet from blood. This couldn’t be the end, could it? He hadn’t even gotten to smash his Girlfriend.
Unable to stay conscious, Boyfriend eventually closed his eyes as darkness enveloped his vision. One last breath escaped him as he went limp.
—————————————————————————
“Hey. Hey kid. Hey kid get up and let’s get this over with.”
That was the first thing Boyfriend heard as his senses returned to him. He groaned as he looked down at himself and grabbed his shirt which mysteriously had no blood on it anymore. Heck, he looked completely fine.
“Hey, didn’t your parents ever tell you to look at someone who’s talking to you?”
Boyfriend looked up to a heavily cloaked figure with a scythe standing in front of him. While he wasn’t what many would call the brightest, the blunette knew exactly who that was.
“…The Grim Reaper?”
“Oh, that’s my father’s name. Call me Grimm.”
“Am I dead?”
“Ah yes, no, er…kind of.”
Boyfriend tilted his head wanting an explanation.
“Well, you see, this is the limbo between life and-”
The reaper didn’t even finish his sentence when he saw Boyfriend looking off in some random direction. He cleared his throat which caught the semi-deceased boy’s attention.
“Huh, what, sorry could you repeat that?”
“…If I give you donuts, will you listen?”
Boyfriend’s face lights up at the mention of donuts. Said donuts materialize into thin air. Boyfriend sits down on the…ground? Whatever, he sits down and starts chowing down on his sweet treats like a young child listening to their grandparents tell them a story.
“Alright, so basically, this is the limbo between life and death. Usually many people aren’t here since most of the time they’re either dead or alive. You’re both.”
“…Huh?”
“You suffered a fatal wound in the real world, but something is keeping you from passing on.”
Boyfriend gasped.
“Is the love between me and Girlfriend so strong that it says no to death, awesome!”
“…No, in fact. You’re the second guy to be revived this way.”
“What way?”
As Boyfriend asked that, a red circle spread out from under his feet as red lighting trapped him in some sort of cage. Above him, a portal reminiscent of a twinkling star opened up above him.
From that portal, a red and black beam descended on Boyfriend who shouted in both surprise and a bit of pain as energy surged through his body. Despite the initial agony, he felt powerful, like he could take on anything and anyone without breaking a sweat.
Soon, the pain subsided and was replaced with an intense adrenaline rush. Ecstasy coursed through Boyfriend as this new energy made him feel the greatest high he’s ever had. His vision was a mess of black and blue as he struggled to contain his laughter and cheering.
When his vision cleared, he didn’t notice any changes aside from whatever high he was on slowly fading back to normal. He just looked at Grim who looked at him before letting out an amused scoff.
“Blue theming huh? Just like the last guy…”
Boyfriend looks down at himself and notices his clothes and entire body are jet black. The only exception is the prohibition symbol on his shirt which is glowing bright blue. Unbeknownst to him, at least right now, his eyes and mouth are also glowing the same bright blue. After taking in his new look, he turned back towards Grimm who already had an explanation ready.
“Cool, isn’t it? I don’t l know what all it gives you since it’s different for every person, all I know is that you’re uber powerful now so…there’s that.”
Boyfriend opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted before a sound could escape.
“So you might be wondering. ‘Hey Grimm, how did this happen to me?’”
“I wasn’t-”
“So, I’ve been watching you for a while, gotta know when people pass on, efficiency is good for business. Anyways since you like to tease me by constantly putting yourself in dangerous situations, I’ve had plenty of time to see all the shit you’ve gotten up to.”
Boyfriend started to zone out as Grimm continued to explain all that happened to get the blunette to this point.
“So I don’t know if you remember it but there was one time you were getting flung through portals and just absolutely messed up. On the bright side though, you were exposed to a FUCK TON of nightmare energy. In fact, it’s so much that you stop burning it off and instead became a source-”
At this point, Boyfriend stopped listening to Grimm’s yapping and just started fidgeting. He didn’t know how long he was waiting for until he started to feel a pull from beneath him. Suddenly, the “floor” gave way beneath him causing the rapper to grip onto the sides to avoid being sucked downwards into the newly formed pit. He didn’t know what it was and he wasn’t about to find out.
Grimm took notice and stopped talking before looking down at a watch hidden beneath his robe revealing a pale, skinny hand.
“Oh shoot, has it been a second already? Well then…have fun living again.”
Grimm waved at Boyfriend, who after registering his words, let go to return to the land of the living. That is until Grimm realized something.
“Oh wait, I forgot to tell you that you have a time-!”
—————————————————————————
The skeletons approached Boyfriend’s lifeless body. Dearest had talked a big game so a few of them were cautious, but some of them were in disbelief.
“And this is the chump Dearest said was giving him so much trouble? This is the one whom he sent assassin after assassin after, laid death trap after death trap for, and wasted scheme after scheme on? Are we sure we have the right guy.”
“Maybe he’s not dead, let’s poke him.”
One of the skeletons bumps him with the butt of his gun causing him to fall over.
“Yep, he’s done.”
Unbeknownst to them, the second he hit the ground, his eyes snapped open to reveal a brilliant blue.
“Well, can’t say that was underwhelming. But hey, that was the easiest cash grab in our unlives!”
As soon as the lead skeleton said that, a bright, cyan light flashed behind him. He refused to turn around even as the newly revived Boyfriend stood behind him. Despite not having ears, the skeleton could hear the bullet wounds riddling Boyfriend’s torso shrink and seal shut. He could even hear the fabric on his clothes stitch themselves back together.
The skeleton turned around before nervously laughing at the transformed boy. The blue fire behind him spoke volumes of his power and fury despite not actually burning anything or even producing heat.
“So…we can just chalk this up to a misunderstanding, right?”
—————————————————————————
After dealing with that whole hell portal mess, Daddy Dearest was ready to get back to see the results of his genius plan. It was so easy, how could he not think of it before? Now his daughter could finally date someone worthy instead of some street rat. Sure, she would be sad, but she’d get over it eventually.
Dearest heads to the building he set up as a trap and opened the door while gloating to himself.
“I hope those boys left a souvenir for me. I need something to hang on my Wall of Victory with my sweetheart’s other former dates.”
Of course, the purple demon had his expectations shattered when he found nothing but bones everywhere.
“Is that my femur?”
“I think it’s mine.”
“Frank, could you grab that femur for us?”
“Aight.”
“Yeah, it’s mine.”
“My bad then, mine must be elsewhere.”
Dearest was at a loss for words, there was blood on the wall so obviously they hit him somewhere, could a normal human even SURVIVE losing that much? How the hell did he live this time? One of the skeletons turned its skull around to address Dearest.
“So uh, we may have underestimated the kid a little…”
Snapped out of his stupor, Daddy Dearest finally found the words to address this situation.
“What the fuck!?”