Chapter Text
Robotic nature.
It may sound like a contradiction unless referring to a robot’s programming as a cybernetic form of instinct, and yet working side by side with XR has taught me that it can be more than that. Behind the simple physical design, I believe that the LGMs tapped into something that many other robots ever have— and not just his unblemished ability to pick up society’s flaws like a sponge. Though, the LGMs find that one of his more impressive features. Despite how Commander Nebula often resents the Experimental Ranger being built behind his back, he said so himself that XR has heart, a thing also not found in many robots, but is it that they cannot achieve it or is it that we have given XR the atmosphere to grow beyond his programming?
The life of a space ranger is one where people grow to be more than what they were before. I look at XR and see how it has built not only problem-solving skills, a sense of justice and self-worth, and even of understanding responsibility— character— a thing some people do miss about XR behind his near one-dimensional façade.
Even if he does not recall those early few days the longer he is part of my team I cannot deny that when I look at XR’s robotic nature, I remember what he was programmed for. I see a reflection of myself. It’s not always an easy thing to face either. Pride, impatience, spurts of uncalled for drama, inability to listen once a purpose sets in, putting everything on oneself, and difficulty holding back unnecessary, blunt comments. It’s hard to deny that XR reflects those faults in a manner way too close for comfort. Some of them bring to mind why I rubbed off on some people the wrong way in my academy days when I was so fired up I didn’t care about anything else around me. His interests and “upbringing” are all that makes it less apparent.
Sometimes I think that he was programmed too well. In the past I used to think, as others have accused of him, that his microchips were damaged when the LGMs were at their lowest point and that he only picks up the negative parts of my personality. XL’s return to working for Star Command kind of negates that theory, though. He was confirmed mentally defective and was able to overcome that… for the most part. And on his own merit, XR is able to surprise everyone when we least expect it with courage and selflessness of a child looking out at those stars with a pure desire to rid the universe of evil. I see one boy in particular holding his toy spaceship up against that starry blank sheet and imaging the potential to come.
I have reason to believe that XR has overcome his root programming to the point of seeing it for what is. He chose with his own free will to embrace it.
Would I do the same if I had been created with that kind of coding? Is it really so very different from Booster’s life set up for him to be farmer or Mira’s life set her up to be a princess yet they chose different paths? Or is it more difficult to overcome than that? Is he just able to run with it with the sentient spirit he has otherwise?
I believe XR can and would change it if he wanted. He could divert to some other pursuit like owning of a five star resort or becoming a talk show host and drive everyone at Star Command as crazy as the rent between Mira and King Nova used to be. (Glad things are better between them, by the way.) He doesn’t, but it’s not because he can’t. His tenacity is just as strong as any of us on Team Lightyear. He chose this life just as much as we all did and his role model is still… me.
Not that any of this will likely ever be exchanged in words between XR and myself. I accept that I won’t know for sure what his true thoughts are, but I do know XR is a lot deeper than he lets on. He may have guessed my thoughts about it. He reads me pretty well— sometimes with better perception than Mira’s about people. The way he teases me with the ruthless scrutiny is enough to prove that he never takes his eyes off me anymore than when he followed me out on that first mission against Warp Darkmatter with no will of his own.
I may never become a parent nor have I any younger siblings, but I can’t imagine the sentiment being much different when I say that few experiences I’ve had have humbled me like this— to top it off it coming from a place I least expected it. Had I known what I was getting myself into when the LGMs presented this experiment to me I know I’d have been more dead set against it. Now, though? As with the rest of my team, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
—Excerpt from Buzz Lightyear Personal Log