Chapter Text
When the sun rises, it tears through the curtains like the fangs of some celestial animal and Remus collapses onto the floor.
I transform back, going to pull the curtains all the way open and gather my thoughts before I check on Remus. I lean against the windowsill, breathing deeply. I rake my hair out of my face. I stretch my arms and go to unlock the door. Then, finally, I pick up my wand and sit down on the floor beside him. I don’t think he’s injured, but I need to check. He might’ve gotten hurt while I was gone.
Then, we need to talk.
We need to talk about so much. I’m still shaking. I’m still desperate to get back to Hogwarts. But that’s not where I’m needed right now. I know Hogwarts is safe; I know he’s in good hands there. I can’t leave Remus alone right now. I can’t let him come to alone.
I brush his hair out of his face. It’s not so much streaked with gray as it is gray streaked with brown. I keep my hand there, on the side of his face, until he blinks his eyes open.
“Morning, love,” I whisper.
He looks up at me, frowning. “Bad night?”
I take a deep breath. “Yeah. Bad night. Are you hurt?”
He takes a moment to think about that. “No. I think I’m okay. Are you?”
“I’m fine,” I promise. I offer him my hand to pull him up, and we sit there on the floor, facing each other. I hold both of his hands in my lap.
He looks down at our hands. “You’re shaking.”
“Yeah, a little.” I squeeze his hands. “What do you remember?”
He grits his teeth. “I don’t…I don’t know. I think it’ll all come back soon. But I don’t feel like I normally do.”
“You wouldn’t,” I agree.
He looks around us. “Why are we in here? What did—what happened, Siri? I don’t remember much, but I remember blood, and neither of us are hurt, so…so what happened?”
I take a deep breath, but before I can speak, he puts his hand to his mouth. “I can taste it, Siri. I shouldn’t be able to taste it. I shouldn’t—” he stops.
He drops his hand into his lap.
He stares at the floor between us, then suddenly jumps up. “No.”
I stand up with him, and he steps to the nearest wall to lean his hand against it. He leans into the wall, staring at the floor, the heel of his palm braced on the chipping paint.
I go to put my hand on his shoulder, and he startles, pushing me away with his outstretched hand. So I step back. And I watch him.
I watch his shoulders start to shake. I watch the first tear fall off his chin. I watch his hand clench into a fist on the wall. I watch him squeeze his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears. I finally watch him drop that distancing hand back to his side.
So I step in again and put my arm around his waist. “Sit down,” I whisper.
He obeys, letting me lead him to the edge of the couch. He clenches his fists in his lap. I keep my arm around his shoulder.
He moves one hand to rub at his hip, where his bite scar is. “Is he safe?”
“He’s at Hogwarts,” I say. “I would’ve taken him to St. Mungo’s, but that would’ve taken a lot of paperwork and I really needed to get back home. And there’s nothing they can do for him that Poppy can’t do for half the questions. She knocked him out pretty much as soon as we got there, and he’s not awake yet. Won’t be for a while. He’s in the safest place he can be, Moony.”
He takes a shaky breath. “I’m supposed to keep him safe. That’s my job.”
“You can’t do everything.”
“But this is what got me in legal trouble when he was a kid. This is what Dumbledore had to defend me over during his adoption.”
“Harry’s an adult,” I remind him. “This won’t put you in any legal trouble. That’s not something to worry about right now.”
“He’s going to be so mad at me,” Remus whispers.
I scoff. “No, he’s not. Have you met him? He’s not going to give a shit. He’ll just want you to be okay.”
Remus reaches over and squeezes my knee. “Okay. I need…I need to be alone. I don’t think I can talk about this until I get to really think about this. Will you…go back to Hogwarts? Talk to Minerva, wait for Harry to wake up? Come back when you know how he is?”
I kiss the top of his head. “Yeah. You’re sure there’s nothing you need to talk about?”
He shakes his head. “I need to get there on my own. And then I’ll let you know. Thank you, though.”
“I love you,” I tell him.
“I love you,” he agrees.
And then I apparate into Hogsmeade.