Chapter Text
There was only one bar on campus. It wasn’t his usual scene, but it was having a retro night. It was playing the older music he liked, better than most of the stuff places like these usually play, so he found himself drawn in by the music and sticking around to check the place out, and check out all the other cadets here too.
He ordered his usual – double Jack and coke – then made his way into the corner by the bar where he had a good view of everything, but could keep to himself until he was ready to mingle.
So many of the cadets here were young and obviously new to living their own life, and new to alcohol. He wasn’t much older, but he had years of life experience on these kids. He was content minding his own business and just ‘people-watching’ when someone walked in that immediately caught his interest. This guy was older, but not by much he guessed. The guy cleaned up nicely (in line with the academy standards) but there was still a prickly exterior that clearly warned those around him that he had no interest in anyone or their bullshit. Beings that noticed him wanted his attention, but no one stole his interest. Perhaps that’s what was drawing him to the guy – he was like a big red button that said ‘do not push’ so of course he needed to find out why.
He watched as the guy ordered their drink as he scoped the place out (same as what he himself had done when he had arrived) before making their way over to the corner where he was sitting.
“This seat taken?” the guy didn’t wait for an answer before taking a seat while keeping in contact with those captivating green eyes of his. “I never thanked you properly for last week” he said as he took a sip of his drink. “I’d like to thank you properly now, but hell, I’ve forgot your name”
“Kirk. Jim Kirk. And it’s all good”
“McCoy. Leonard McCoy. And I do at least owe you a drink Jim”
Jim hadn’t forgotten McCoy at all. In fact he had hoped to catch up with the guy around campus sometime since they seemed to get along easily on the shuttle. The fact that they were both under the influence of alcohol had helped, but there was something else there too. Maybe it was that they were the only two new cadets who weren’t coming in all starry eyed and fresh to life – and that Pike had literally dragged them both in off the street. It was mid-year so all the other cadets on the shuttle were already halfway through their first year, and in uniform with a chip on their shoulders, while both Jim and McCoy were in civilian clothes and looking worse for wear. That was nearly two weeks ago.
The two traded small talk for a short time before the bar became too loud, and too crowded for comfort so they decided to make their way upstairs as the larger seating area was opened up. Jim couldn’t help but watch the way McCoy moved through the crowd, and he noticed beings move out of their way as they approached. Jims mind quickly wandered as he thought ‘this must be what it feels like to be in command’ but he was quickly bought back to the present as they brushed shoulders with each other going up the staircase.
Once they were resettled Jim decided now was as good a time as any to probe the subject McCoy bought up on the shuttle (before Jim spent the rest of the ride distracting McCoy, by compiling a list of perfectly logical reasons why they weren’t likely to die from any of the scenarios McCoy thought up along the way).
“So why Star Fleet and not any of the thousands of Earth-based hospitals you would probably be much happier in?” Jim didn’t miss the quick freeze McCoy did before apparently deciding he was OK with answering the question like it was no big deal
“Short version: My divorce got messy. Real messy. Turns out my ex was a talented covert narcissist who caught me like a deer in headlights when she showed her true colors. Her and her daddy run the employment agency that staffs nearly all the major hospitals and clinics on this continent, which has effectively made me unemployable in civilian life. Star Fleet have their own independent employment criteria so someone I know reached out on my behalf and arranged a meet and greet. Then before I knew it, I was signing my life over and here I am.”
The mannerism in which McCoy spoke was a perfect rendition of the even shorter version from the shuttle, complete with a long swig of whiskey at the end. Jim couldn’t help but smile at the reenactment that must just be quintessential ‘McCoy’ - but he quickly hid the smile well by taking a swig of his own drink.
“Damned if they’re gonna get me posted somewhere out there though. I aim to keep my feet firmly on the ground here with a position at Star Fleet Medical. Big hospital like that catering to a big city like this should have enough work to go around, let alone it being the only public inter-species hospital in the area. I just got to pass the mandatory coursework to be certified for Star Fleet standards before they re-instate my full license and post me there.”
“Shit. Sounds like it’s been rough. I’m sorry. How long you think you’ll be at the academy for?” Jims genuine empathy seemed to get across to McCoy who visibly relaxed a little after taking a moment to uncoil himself.
“Should be done in 1 semester. A year at the most if I only study part-time since I’d be picking up a few shifts a week at the hospital too. I won’t be authorized to do everything I used to do until I finish, but it’s better than nothing. What about you?”
“Command track - I’m aiming for Captain”
“That’s what? 4 years minimum?”
“I’m trying to do it in 3 actually” he was nowhere near as cocky this time he said it, and he laughed nervously as McCoy looked at him like his head just split in two
“Yeah, I kinda put my foot in it and bet Captain Pike I could do it quicker. Sometimes I say dumb shit when I’m nervous….like now because I don’t know why I just told you that” God he was ready to find a hole to crawl into because what the hell?!
“You don’t actually have to do it ya know” McCoy was still looking at Jim like he wanted to do a head scan
“I know, but it’s not in me to back down from a challenge. Even a stupid one I got myself into. So here I am” Jim was thankful he had his confidence back now and was feeling more like himself.
After a few more drinks they traded comm numbers and dorm info before going their separate ways for the night. They had a couple of core units together so would see each other around.
*********
It was halfway through their first semester and a week-long study break was about to begin. Typically, most students were talking about spending the time doing anything else except study, however Jim was planning on using the time to get ahead in his classes as much as possible, while McCoy had mentioned a brief trip back home between shifts.
Jim decided to take a night off and go into the city to check out a few of the bars he was planning to frequent during his time here. He was on his first drink at the second bar when he heard a familiar voice. He looked over to the other side of the bar and watched McCoy down a double shot in one gulp while signaling for another. Jim could see he was in a foul mood, and should have minded his own business, but he had gotten to know McCoy a bit and considered him an actual friend, so instead he got up and walked over to him.
“Rough day?”
“What gives you that idea?” McCoy was definitely in a foul mood with that tone, so Jim proceeded with caution
“The whiskey train you’re on. I’ve been there”
McCoy paused with his next glass half way up to his mouth and looked at Jim with his eyebrow raised, evidently assessing Jim again
“Anyone else I’d say they’re full of shit, but you I believe” he said before finishing his third double shot, but instead of going straight for another he looked at the near empty glass in Jims hand and asked “What you drinking?”
Jack and coke. I’m not out to have a big one, just taking a study break” his earlier enthusiasm to explore the town had disappeared now he was with McCoy
McCoy waited for the bartender to finish with another customer before ordering another drink for Jim and the same for himself, apparently content to slow down now Jim was here.
“Thanks, I owe you one.” Jim said as he grabbed his drink from the bartender
“Don’t mention it”
“Are you OK?” Jim felt like an idiot for going with such a stupid question, but he didn’t know what had set his friend off so he didn’t know what would be safe to ask. He almost held his breath as McCoy took a deep breath and thought before he spoke
“Not really”
“Anything I can do?”
“No. I don’t think anyone can”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“No offence kid, but I don’t think you can relate”
Jim’s initial reaction of being offended was quickly subdued when he realized that McCoy hadn’t said he wouldn’t understand, but that he wouldn’t relate. A distinction Jim respected.
“Maybe not, but I’m here anyway” he held himself back from saying ‘whatever you need’ because experience taught him that was a slippery slope, and while he felt that McCoy was a trustworthy guy, he still didn’t know him well enough to fully trust him that much.
McCoy arched his eyebrow in assessment of Jim for what must be the hundredth time since they met, “That you are”
“I know a place not far from here if you prefer the whole ‘suffer in private’ vibe?”
McCoy thought about it for a second before downing his drink in one go “lead the way”
As they walked McCoy got a message on his comm, so Jim ran back to the liquor store they just passed and came back with a bottle in a paper bag. A few minutes later they were walking up an old bike trail to the top of a hill that overlooked the bay. Jim sat down and McCoy followed suit, taking in the view. He had no idea how Jim had found this place as the trail was barely recognizable it was so disused, but he was glad he did because Jim was right, this was a great place to come too when the world was spinning too fast.
Jim opened the bottle without removing it from the bag and took a sniff before deciding it was good enough to take a sip. The burn was instant, and it made him cough as he almost choaked on it, but it would do the job. He handed the bottle over to McCoy
“Andorian Tequila. I didn’t have enough credits to buy anything good” he said obviously embarrassed but trying valiantly to hide it
“Good God man, Are you trying to kill us?” McCoy looked like the bottle was going to bite him but tried it anyway and had the same reaction as Jim. Both decided it was good enough to do the job and continued to pass it between each other in silence.
McCoy appreciated what Jim was doing, and maybe the tequila was getting to him, but he decided to take a chance on the kid
“I told you about my daughter. That Jocelyn twisted things to give herself full custody. Well, I got a meeting with Star Fleets Legal Aide who were going to process an appeal. I got notification today that the appeal was denied”
McCoy got through most of it before his voice started to break as the emotion constricted his throat “She gets my little girl” tears started to drip down his face as he stared straight out to the sea “I get scheduled monthly video calls, with in-person visitations only on special occasions”.
He couldn’t bring himself to look Jim’s direction until the end, after he wiped his face dry, too worried about what he would see on Jims face.
Jim listened as McCoy opened up, and felt a stab in his own chest as he watched his friend try to control the pain he was in. He knew there was a lot more to it that he didn’t know about, but he had no doubt that his friend would be a good dad, and was obviously hurting, so he held no judgement toward McCoy. McCoy seemed to sense that, then surprising himself he fell to pieces and let Jim be his emotional support while he vented his pain, and insecurities over how fast things were changing and how lonely he was in this city.
Jim felt so guilty that he had talked McCoy into coming here with him thinking it was a good idea. Now he could see how fast McCoy’s mind was spinning out Jim felt he had to help him slow it down, so he sat there and comforted his friend. He knew what it felt like to be drowning like McCoy was now, and he was going to do whatever was needed to pull him out.
After McCoy had calmed they continued to sit there watching the waves and passing the bottle back and forth. It was dark and they were too drunk to care about walking back to the campus, so they got themselves comfy to pass out and spend the warm night under the stars.
They were both in good spirits now the bottle was almost empty and Jim, being in a particularly good mood while talking about his future as a starship captain, had excitedly turned to his friend and said
“You should come with me Bones!! You can be my CMO, it’ll be awesome!”
“The word’s awful not awesome…and did you just call me Bones?”
“Yeah I guess I did, suits you. Seriously though, you ever change your mind about being a ground-dweller I’ll have you on my ship for sure”
The two talked for a bit more about the wild adventures of Jim in space before McCoy grew silent and contemplative, and suddenly started to tear up again
“You OK? You’re not an emotional drunk are you?” Jim immediately lost his buzz and got concerned he had said or done something to upset McCoy and was preparing to go into damage control
“I most certainly am not an emotional drunk” McCoy dried his face while laughing at how ridiculous he felt “I was just thinking that it actually sounded nice. Not that I’d leave Earth, but if I did it would be nice to be out there with you”
The smile on Jim’s face spoke 1000 words
“Lordy I must be drunk. We are definitely not drinking this again!”
“I like it” Jim said proudly
“Course you do, you’re buzzin like a horse in a hay field, while I’m tearin’ up like an infant”
*********
Next morning McCoy woke up blinded by the bright but beautiful sunrise, Jim asleep beside him, and actually felt good for the first time in a while. He told Jim it must’ve been from having a good sleep out under the stars.
Jim, however, did not feel good. They had only managed to walk a few dozen meters back down the trail before Jim was doubled over, and McCoy immediately entered ‘doctor mode’
“You alright kid?”
“You were right”
“Always am, but what about this time?”
“We are not drinking Andorian Tequila ever again!” Jim was now sitting with his head in his hands trying to breathe through the rising nausea
“That bad huh. Tell me this isn’t your first hangover?”
“It’s not. but it’s my first hangover induced migraine … I’m just going to need a minute”
McCoy could see Jim was suffering and cursed himself for not having anything on him that he could use to help. He helped Jim wrap his shirt around his head to cover his eyes and put Jims arm over his shoulder to support him as much as possible while they made their way slowly down the hill until they could get a lift back to campus where McCoy let Jim sleep it off in his bed while he kept an eye on him. After that night McCoy and Jim were never far from each other.
*********
3 YEARS LATER
The Enterprise is limping home after escaping the singularity that destroyed the Nerada. Jim has rotated every one of the crew off duty except himself. He is running on fumes and adrenaline, and the weight of everything is starting to build. It’s going to take 43 days to limp back to Earth. That gives them time to keep busy and repair what they can, and begin to deal mentally with the aftermath of the crisis.
For Kirk that meant 43 days to stress about what he was coming back too with the academic suspension, disciplinary action for his mutiny, disciplinary action for illegally boarding a federation vessel, refusing to comply with direct orders, assaulting an officer x2, conduct unbecoming an officer, and ignoring Starfleet regulations regarding commanding officers beaming into dangerous situations.
McCoy has spent most of his time in Medbay tending to Captain Pike and the injured crew (including Jim who had escaped Medbay with only the bare minimum treatment McCoy was able to provide). Once the initial flood of patients from the Nerada crisis were triaged and treated, Medbay was frequented by crew members with various injuries resulting from their repair efforts.
He had stayed on-duty for as long as he physically could before he risked posing a threat to patient safety. As newly appointed CMO he had no shortage of duties to attend too, on top of his patient load, so he had done back-to-back shifts. If he weren’t so overwhelmed and exhausted he would have been more concerned that he hadn’t seen Jim since their brief interaction when he was bought in by Spock after his injured throat started to compromise his breathing.
He was aware that Jim had set himself up in the small captains office next to the bridge, having refused to take Pikes quarters, or any quarters the crew could use as they had to double up wherever they could to limit power consumption. So when McCoy eventually left Medbay he went straight there, hoping to find his wayward friend and captain. When he found the room empty his heart sank because as much as he wanted too, he just did not have it in him to go all over the ship looking for Jim. He commed Jim but got no answer, next he commed Spock who informed him that the captain should currently be off-duty and may likely have simply chosen more suitable accommodation to rest in. Deciding that he needed to go lie down before he collapsed in the corridor, he left a message on Jim’s comm, and he made his way to senior crew quarters, and found the room he had been assigned.
The room was dark, only being illuminated by emergency lighting, so he nearly didn’t see the figure sitting on the floor by the large porthole.
“Jim?”
“Bones” Jims voice was tight, McCoy didn’t know if it was from Jim’s injuries, or if it was something else, either way it made McCoy forget all about his exhaustion as his concern gave him an adrenaline hit
“You OK?” he asked as he quickly walked over to where Jim was now standing in front of the window
“Yeah, yeah I’m OK. I actually came to check on you” Jim tried to sound convincing but McCoy knew him too well,
“Computer: Lights – 25%” McCoy ordered as instinct was telling him this situation was not best left in the dark
Jim winced as the lights turned up, and immediately knew that there was no way for him to hide the fact that he had been sitting here in the dark crying. He couldn’t resist stubbornly turning away as he wiped his face dry before turning back to McCoy with an obviously forced smile like everything was completely normal
“Don’t do that, Jim. Not to me” McCoy didn’t need to specify what he was talking about as he hesitatingly raised his hands to place them on Jims shoulders, unsure if it was appropriate contact, but too physically and emotionally exhausted to operate on anything except instinct.
Jim stared intently back into McCoy’s concerned glare and deflated back into silent sobs that he tried to hide as he buried his face in his hands while McCoy pulled him into a tight hug.
They remained this way for a few long moments until Jim managed to blurt out
“I’m sorry Bones, I’m so sorry…You were right. You were right, this is dangerous. I mean I already I knew that, but I was selfish. I wanted you with me but I didn’t think about what happens if I lose you. You have a kid Bones and I nearly got you killed”
McCoy was already on the brink of tears himself now but was too stunned by Jim’s statement to actually cry. He carefully pushed Jim back just enough to get a real good look at the kid without letting go of any of the physical contact he knew Jim needed to ground himself in the torrent of emotions he could see running through him now he had given up hiding his face.
“Jim, I’m not gonna pretend that any of this hasn’t messed me up, because it has. and I have no shame telling you that I am maxed out on anti-anxiety meds right now, and when I get to finally stand down, and it all hits me, I’m gonna need a minute to breathe….but not for one second have I thought any of this was on you!”
“But you never wanted to be here Bones. You never wanted to be off-world – hell you never even wanted to be on a shuttle. I talked you into coming out here with me and the first thing that happens is your worst nightmare!” Jim was breathing hard
McCoy just stared back at Jim while he tried to figure out what the fuck he could say. He could hear Jims anxiety increase as he tried to rush out his words before his breath hitched and he was crying again. His brain finally kicked back into gear as Jim doubled over panting for breath
“Jim? Jim look at me”
“I can’t. I can’t breathe… Bones?” Jim looked like a scared kid
“Jim, I know it’s going to be hard but you need to take slow, deep, breaths for me.” McCoy demonstrated how he wanted Jim to breath as he moved one of his hands from Jims shoulder to the center of his chest so he could feel Jims diaphragm and check there wasn’t an injury he didn’t know about.
Jim kept eye contact like it was a lifeline and did his best to match McCoys breathing. He didn’t consciously move his hands to McCoy’s chest, but once they were there his breaths somehow came easier so he didn’t move.
At some stage they ended up sitting back on the floor, with their backs leaning heavily on the wall below the port-hole.
“I’m sorry…I don’t know why I’m so freaked out by this, but this, on top of everything else, is just too much. I can’t lose you Bones. I can’t look your daughter in the face and tell her …”
Jim was much calmer now but was still obviously distressed so McCoy cut him off before they both spiraled into a headspace that neither could afford to be in right now.
“I might need a brain scan for saying this, but with threats like that out here - I feel safer out here with you, taking the fight to them. Don’t get me wrong- space travel still scares me shitless, and I wouldn’t be on any other ship, and I sure as hell don’t wanna be no sitting duck, but I also know that I can’t let that fear hold me back from doing what I need to do”
Something in that seemed to settle Jim and he could feel the tension around them fade.
“Now we’ve both been running all over hell’s half acre for the past 36hrs, and you’ve been through a lot in that time, so I’m going to slow it down and put a hold on this conversation until we aren’t both out of minds with exhaustion” McCoy was already sliding down the wall to lay flat on the floor as he spoke
“Bones at least get into bed before you pass out” Jim grumbled
“You take it. My back is screaming at me so the hard floor’s actually gonna feel better” McCoy was struggling to keep his eyes open so he gave up and got comfy, ready to let himself shut down for a bit.
Jim eyed the bed, then looked over to Bones who clearly had no intentions of moving and was already half asleep.
McCoy felt Jim move, but instead of moving away to towards the bed he felt Jim lay on the floor beside him. Jim passed out the second his head reached the floor.
Hope you enjoyed this. Please feel free to leave a comment - I love feedback :)
- D.A.