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Published:
2013-01-24
Updated:
2013-11-07
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12,800
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2/?
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when you grow into your skin

Chapter 2: i'll be the hope joining the walls

Notes:

this was originally supposed to be two parts, 15k. I couldn't fit the plot as I wanted it into those constraints, so it looks like it'll be 5-7 and 50-60k. sorry for the long wait, this is why. hope you like this bit x

Chapter Text

“No, absolutely not,” Louis starts before Niall takes a breadstick and shoves it into his friend’s mouth just to shut him up. “For god’s sake, Niall,” he sputters around the crunchy bread. “Just because you don’t like United!”

“Go rams,” Niall says cheerfully, stabbing at a ravioli with his fork.

“Did you actually see the match though?” Liam asks. “The goal was absolutely offsides.”

“I thought you were a Man United fan,” Louis says incredulously, eyes as wide as his plate of pasta. “Wikipedia lied to me.”

Niall stops chewing.

“Why were you looking him up on Wikipedia?”

“Because Lottie and I got into an argument about where his accent was from after we saw Oz,” Louis explains with a huff as he tosses a balled up napkin at Niall’s head. “I won, by the way,” he adds. “But your page still lied.”

Liam smirks, but his heart is fluttering.

“Well I didn’t write mine like you did yours, now did I?”

Louis has the grace to look scandalized.

“Liam Payne, I never.”

“Don’t let him fool you. He totally did,” Niall declares and Louis kicks him underneath the table. “Oi ya knob, that hurt.”

“As it should have.”

Liam leans back in his chair, swirling the last bit of wine around in his glass before draining it. He’s somewhat surprised that Louis is exactly as the media portrays him to be. Sassy and exuberant but easy-going. He’s so normal it’s almost unnerving. Kind of like how fit he is. Liam keeps having to tell himself he can’t just reach across the table and run his fingers through the feathered strands of his hair.

“Whatcha thinkin over there, Payno?” Niall asks, pulling Liam back to the table.

Liam sits up straighter again and leans forward to nick the bottle of wine from its place in front of Louis.

“That we should make Louis buy us dinner for being such marvelous company.”

Louis throws his head back and laughs, the sound of it making Liam flush crimson as he pours himself another glass of wine. Niall reaches out for a fist bump and Liam obliges him, topping off the two others’ glasses. 

“What kind of guy do you think I am that I wouldn’t pay for dinner anyway? Can’t believe everything you read in the papers, young Liam.”

“Yeah, they were wrong when they said you were charming, weren’t they?”

Louis stares at him, simply stares, mouth hanging open for a long moment before he turns to Niall.

“Wherever did you find him?” he demands like Liam isn’t even at the table anymore.

Niall merely grins as he and Liam clink their wine glasses together.

 

;

 

When Louis rings Liam to grab coffee the next day, Liam is surprised but eager. They’d texted into the wee hours of morning when Liam had finally nodded off with his phone in his hand. He’d been rather embarrassed about it too because what sort of grown man falls asleep in the middle of a conversation? But Louis had been nice as ever about it in the morning, with a ‘hope you slept well, sleepy head ;))’

They agree to meet at a Starbucks about halfway between the studio and the Wolf set in an hour, enough time for showers and travel.

Liam arrives first and snags a table in the back just as a girl is vacating it.  He smiles politely when she gives him an odd look and settles in his seat to wait for Louis. He’s a bit early so he sits and goes back and forth between texting his mum and people watching.

When Louis arrives he’s five minutes late, slipping into the shop with a grey knit beanie pulled low on his head and thick-framed glasses perched on his nose. He looks around, frowning when he doesn’t spot Liam tucked into the far corner.

- ovr 2 yr left. past the stirrers. he texts quickly, and watches Louis’ phone light up in his hand. He stifles a chuckle when Louis frowns down at the message then stretches up onto his tip-toes to see around the line ahead of him. Liam lifts his hand to wave and Louis spots him, face splitting into a grin as he hurries over.

“Cheeky bugger, hiding back here,” Louis says as he approaches and Liam stands to tug him into a quick hug.

“Thought it might be good to stay away from the windows,” Liam says simply and it suddenly hits Louis just how much Liam gets it.

He doesn’t know why it hadn’t before. After all Liam lived with and is best friends with Harry Styles of all people. He knows what it’s like to have paparazzi follow you and photographers under your bedroom window and fuck.

“You alright there, mate?” Liam asks after a long moment when Louis’ face goes strangely blank.

“Yeah,” Louis says slowly before smiling up at him. “What did you want to drink?”

“No, sit, what did you want to drink?” Liam counters and gently pushes Louis down into the empty chair that’s facing away from the window.

“But –“

“God, Louis, just tell me your order.”

“Venti caramel macchiato with extra caramel,” Louis says obediently. “Please and thank you.”

Liam puts the orders in and pays before returning to the table to wait for their drinks. Louis has found a stack of sugar packets that he’s ripped open and poured onto the table.

“You can’t sit still can you?” Liam asks in amusement as he slides into his seat again.

Louis drags his index finger through the white sugar, drawing patterns in it on the dark wood table.

“I can, I just don’t always choose to do so.”

“Guess so.”

There’s a minute of silence as Louis plays in his sugar and Liam twiddles his thumbs before –

“A venti caramel macchiato with extra caramel and a venti café mocha for Batman.”

Louis bursts into laughter when Liam rises to his feet to go collect their drinks. He’s still laughing when Liam returns and hands him his cup.

“Stop that, you,” Liam chastises playfully.

“I’m sorry, but Batman?”

Liam shrugs and takes a sip of his drink, humming happily when the whipped cream washes over his tongue.

“He’s my favourite superhero. Who’s yours?”

Louis looks thoughtful as he sets his cup down on the table and holds it between his chilly fingers.

“Superman,” he replies decidedly. “Oi, don’t make that face!”

“What face?” Liam asks with feigned innocence and he smoothes his features back into an easy smile.

They banter back and forth for a half hour before they have to go their separate ways to work.  It’s only then that Liam notices the men with cameras outside the shop, only visible over Louis’ shoulder when there isn’t a queue for the counter.

 “What do you say to seeing if this place has a back exit?” he says casually.

Louis raises his eyebrows so high they nearly disappear under the hem of his beanie.

“Really? Here?”

Liam nods, surprised as well. But it is what it is. Normally he wouldn’t even suggest it and he has nothing to hide, he and Louis are just friends (bah), but he can tell by the way Louis’ shoulders slump he’s not in the mood to have cameras shoved in his face or deal with the speculation that will surely come of it. He’s Louis Tomlinson, openly gay actor and it’s not as if Liam isn’t known. Maybe he isn’t in America, but surely in England both thanks to being friends with Harry and his own career.

“Can we? Please?” Louis’ a bit disgusted with himself and the desperation that finds his way into his words. He should be used to this by know, but sometimes he just isn’t and doesn’t want to have to be.

Liam nods again and gets up to go whisper in the ear of one of the baristas. She returns with him and quickly takes them back through the storage room to a door that opens into the deserted alleyway.

“Thank you,” Louis murmurs with a grateful smile as they leave, Liam’s hand reassuring on his arm.

 

;

 

The next night the three are sprawled across the surfaces of Louis’ flat, Niall spread eagle on the floor, Louis’ feet on Liam’s lap on the sofa, with a film playing on the television. Louis isn’t really paying attention, instead texting Zayn even though it’s nearly three am in England and the other boy would much rather be sleeping.

Because Louis is having a crisis, about the boy at the other end of the sofa.

He’s not one for love at first sight, but there’s something about Liam and the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles so genuinely, that makes Louis’ stomach do somersaults. Actual somersaults, he’s sure of it. And he’s known the boy for forty-eight hours.

In those forty-eight hours he’s seen him three times, dinner with Niall, the coffee stop, and now. Also in those forty-eight hours they’ve been texting as much as possible, sneaking away from sets and rehearsals to send another message and lying in bed til far later than they should be awake. When they’re not texting, Louis finds his mind drifting off to the curve of Liam’s lips and the line of his jaw.

- on a scale of 1 to 10 how badly do u want to kiss him? Zayn asks.

Louis glances over at Liam who is tossing a piece of popcorn at Niall as they discuss the scene playing out on the television screen. Niall lifts himself up on his elbows and opens his mouth for Liam to throw another piece. Liam complies and Niall catches the kernel before settling down on the rug again, Liam laughing brightly.

- 42 he texts back decidedly. The answer to life, and the universe is obviously also the answer to Liam.

- so do it.

- but what if he’s not into me, z?

- guys who aren’t into each other don’t text like u 2 do.

He has a point, Louis decides and sends a final text telling Zayn to go the fuck to sleep because he has a photo shoot in a few hours and he doesn’t want the make-up artist to have to use a half pound of concealer underneath his pretty eyes. Zayn responds with a quick luv u 2 lou, kiss ni 4 me and Louis locks his phone before reaching above his head to set it on the end table.

“Zed says hello,” he announces to the other two and Niall raises his head to give him a knowing smile.

“Does he now?”

“Shush, Nialler. Watch the film.”

“Do you even know what’s going on in the film?” Liam asks with one eyebrow quirked up in amusement.

“Does it matter?”

Liam rolls his eyes and pats Louis’ foot on top of the afghan covering it. Louis scowls and wiggles his toes into Liam’s thigh, just hard enough to be painful. Liam merely chuckles and grips Louis’ ankle to keep his foot still.

 

;

 

- i have somting i need 2 do this afternoon after recording. do u want 2 com? Liam sends the text without so much as a second thought.

He’s not quite sure how it happened, but after knowing Louis for a mere three days he feels like he’s known him his entire life. And in a way it makes sense, considering in seventy-two hours they’ve covered pretty much every topic of conversation possible. They’ve talked about their sisters, the towns they grew up in, how they got involved in their careers, football.

Louis’ response comes back more quickly than he’d expected.

- what is it?

- ull see. wil u com?

- sure.

 

;

 

Louis isn’t sure what he’d expected really, but the ASPCA of New York definitely was not it.

“Harry and I had a cat,” Liam explains as they tumble out of the backseat of the cab. “Well, she’s technically Harry’s cat. But.”

He crumples the receipt from the ride and shoves it into the pocket of his jeans.

“It’d be nice to have a cat.”

He sounds uncertain, like he doesn’t know if having a cat will make him miss home more, or if it will make Brooklyn feel like home. Like he isn’t sure if he’s okay with the latter if it’s the case.

Louis knows how that feels.

“Well let’s go then,” he says with a bright smile and pulls the door open and gestures Liam inside.

Liam glances at him, then the door before going inside with Louis following after him.

The lobby is busy, full of people looking to adopt pets, and Liam moves forward swiftly to sign in on the clipboard on the counter. His is the fourth name on the list, most everyone else already working with a volunteer to help them find a new forever friend. They take a seat on one of the low wooden benches linking the walls.

“What sort of cat do you want?” Louis asks as he looks around at the bright posters covering the walls. There’s everything from adoption guidelines to anatomical diagrams of birds.

Liam shrugs one shoulder.

“I’m not picky. One who needs a home, but seems nice, y’know?”

“You’ll know it when you meet him or her?”

“Exactly.”

Liam leans back against the wall behind them, legs stretched out and hands resting on his knees.

Within fifteen minutes Liam’s name is being called by a teenage girl with her hair pulled messily into a bun. She’s a head shorter than Louis and she smiles at him like she knows exactly who he is but she doesn’t comment on it.

“I’m Hilary,” she introduces herself and shakes both their hands. “What can I help you with, Mr. Payne?”

“I’m looking for a cat,” Liam says and Louis doesn’t pay attention to their conversation as Hilary asks him if he’s ever had a cat, if he has any preferences. Instead he watches as Liam slowly starts to visibly relax, shoulders becoming less tense.

Hilary directs them to a bottle of hand sanitizer and requests that they clean their hands – “we don’t want our kitties getting sick” – before leading them into the back of the shelter where the cats are housed.

There are so many, in rows of metal cages stacked on top of one another. Louis swallows down the sudden desire to take every single one of them home. He doesn’t even like cats all that much. Some are sitting at the front of their cages, paws pushed through the bars as several families pass around the room, and others are curled up glaring out at him from the dimmer depths.

Louis hangs back as Liam begins his trek around the room, reading the names and descriptions on the plastic cards attached to the bars, cooing at the occupants with Hilary at his side. This is Liam’s pet, Liam’s decision.

Liam comes to a hard stop in front of one of the cages at the end of the row, far enough down that Louis can’t see the cat inside.

“What’s her story?” he asks quietly.

“ She was attacked by a dog when she was ten weeks old,” Hilary replies with a sad smile. “She was brought into a vet who nursed her back to health, and she’s been here since she was about four months old. She’s nearly one now.”

Louis comes up behind them to peer into the cage.

Inside is the saddest cat he’s ever seen. It’s a small black and white tuxedo thing with long hair and white paws, right eye closed tightly and right ear mostly gone. It glares at them with its good eye, wide and brilliant green.

“Can I pet her?” Liam requests. He takes a step back when Hilary nods and unlatches the door. The little cat uncurls herself and takes a cautious step forward, pausing slightly and stretching her neck as far as it will reach to sniff at Liam’s offered hand. She must deem him acceptable because she suddenly thrusts her head underneath his fingers and rubs against them. He laughs brilliantly and scratches the base of her bad ear before running his hand down her back, smoothing down her rumpled fur.

“Come pet her, Lou,” Liam says with a grin and Louis offers his fingers for the cat to sniff. She looks up at him questioningly before allowing him to stroke her head.

Liam’s eyes dart to the name badge on the door and then down to the cat again.

“Hello, Olive.”

He pets the cat for a few more minutes until she’s purring delightedly beneath his hands, rolled onto her back so he can rub her belly.

“I’ve never seen her let anyone pet her like this,” Hilary admits and Liam beams at her, clearly ecstatic.

“I want her,” he says firmly. “I’m taking her home.”

“We can make that happen.”

Liam doesn’t want to be torn away from Olive even for ten minutes to go sort out the adoption paperwork, and even though it’s against the rules, Hilary allows him to bring her with them.

Olive stays tucked in the crook of Liam’s left arm as he fills out the forms with his right hand. Louis watches, gently petting her ears.

Liam would pick this cat, and this cat would pick Liam. Kind hearted Liam drawn to the broken thing no one else wants, and the sad little cat seeing the pureness of him.

After getting a full run down on cat care and paying the adoption fee, Liam grudgingly settles Olive into a cardboard carrier to take her home. Hilary waves good-bye with a pleased smile and outside on the sidewalk Liam lets his breath out.

They stop by a pet shop for supplies as soon as they’re back in Brooklyn, picking out bowls and toys and a cat bed before hauling it all to Liam’s loft.

Liam sits on the floor next to the open carrier Olive refuses to leave, trying to tempt her with a bag of treats whilst Louis sets up the litter box and food and water bowls and scratching post. By the time he’s finished Olive is curiously exploring the flat, having somehow climbed on top of the bookshelf by the window.

Liam comes over to where Louis is standing in the kitchen making tea, looking stricken.

“I just realised you’ve never been here and I didn’t give you a tour of the place and I’m so sorry,” he apologises in a rush.

Louis chuckles and hands him a mug of tea.

“Already made myself at home, mate, it’s fine,” he tells him.  He likes the way the loft has felt homey since he stepped inside, half from the space itself and half from Liam simply being in it.

Liam smiles as he takes the mug.

“Still. Come on. This is obviously the kitchen,” he says and gestures to the area around them. He takes his free hand and directs Louis around the counter into the main space of the loft. “This is the living room. And the library. And gym.”

Louis follows over to the far side of the room towards the floating wall, Olive jumping down to tag along.

“And this is the bedroom area and bathroom.”

Liam waves a hand absently at his bed, blankets still in twist in the middle of the mattress from the previous night.

“It’s bigger than my place,” Louis jokes.

“Yours is temporary.”

There’s something in Liam’s voice that Louis knows too well, hasn’t felt himself in a long time.

“Yours is more lovely. I really like it,” he tells him genuinely and Liam grants him one of the sweet smiles that makes Louis’ heart stutter.

 

;

 

It’s Liam’s mobile that wakes him the next morning, far too early for his liking. When it chirps its text alert, Olive shoots off his pillow to stare at him grumpily at the foot of the bed.

“Not my fault,” he tells her and stifles a yawn with one hand as he picks up his phone with his other. He flicks it open to find a mess of missed calls and messages from his family and publicist, but it’s a series of messages from Harry that set off the alert.

- I see you got a cat.

- can’t believe you didn’t tell me, you dick.

Liam frowns down at the phone. What was Harry talking about? And how could he possibly know about Olive?

- wut r u talkin bout? he texts back and rolls over onto his side to stretch his fingers towards Olive. It amazes him when she finds her way back up the bed to sit in front of his face and nudge his cheek with her nose. Cats don’t just love like this. But he accepts it gratefully.

- check sugarscape.

Liam leans around Olive to retrieve his laptop from where he’d stowed it underneath the edge of the bed and sits up against the headboard.

Splashed across the front of Sugarscape’s homepage is a photograph of him and Louis leaving the pet shop the previous evening, Liam with the carrier in one hand and a bag of catfood under his arm, Louis with bags of everything else. They’ve their heads bent towards each other, Liam’s free hand on Louis’ shoulder as he speaks and Liam can tell the exact moment it was taken. Leaving the shop he’d thanked Louis for coming with him, not noticing the camera that must have been across the street.

Beneath the photo is the headline, ‘COZY COUPLE: LOUIS AND LIAM PET SHOPPING IN BROOKLYN.’

He can’t resist the temptation to click the link.

Someone send us alcohol and chocolates because we’re having a collective breakdown here at Sugarscape HQ. After reportedly being seen around NYC together this week, there’s finally a photo of Louis Tomlinson and Liam Payne in Brooklyn last night. LiLi, adopted a kitten from a shelter before the two picked up supplies from a local shop, looking awful cozy as they did. The cute is making us want to cry into our handkerchiefs.

It’s all rather out of the blue too – who knew that they even knew each other? Makes us wonder, when they got together, and if it was on the far side of the pond at all. They make a lovely couple don’t you think?

But the real question here is what that kitten looks like. TWEET US A SNAP, LIAM.

Below the article is a photograph from the Starbucks, Louis’ back to the camera so you can’t tell it’s him, but Liam is smiling so openly anyone could tell it’s a private moment.

Liam stares at the page for a long beat before slamming the laptop lid shut. All the missed messages from his mum and sisters and publicist make sense now. Because all of England thinks he’s dating Louis.

Which he’s not.

But honestly wouldn’t mind.

Because Louis is sweet and funny and talented and fit and fuck.

 And there’s no way Louis feels the same.

Liam shifts his laptop to the side and swings his legs over the edge of his bed, picking up his phone again.

Harry answers on the second ring, his greeting in that slow drawl of his that wraps Liam up and doesn’t let go.

“Is it just Sugarscape?”Liam asks.

“Daily Mail, the Sun, and the Mirror all have it,” Harry replies. “Why are you calling me and not your publicist?”

“Are you really asking me that?”

Liam bites the words out and he can hear Harry’s sharp intake of breath from the other end of the line.

“Sorry. I just. She’ll need to know if you want her to say anything. It’s already a bit delayed because of the time difference, but Tommo’ publicist has already –“

Liam closes his eyes against the burning rising in his chest.

“What’d he say.”

He doesn’t want to know the answer, not really, but -

“Just, ‘no comment at this time.’”

Liam’s eyes snap open incredulously, heart leaping.

“They didn’t deny it?”

“No?”

Harry draws the word out longer than he probably should.

“Li, do you like him?”

Liam chooses silence as his answer, but Harry’s known him long enough to know what it means.

“Oh my god, Leeyum. You two would be so great together, even though he’s a bit of a dick –“

“He’s not a dick,” Liam snaps. “Have you even met him, Harry?”

“Only a few times at awards shows, but –“

“He’s not a dick,” Liam repeats and reaches out to where Olive is curled up in the middle of the blanket. He strokes a gentle hand down her back, sighing when she purrs. “But I don’t think he’s interested, anyway.”

“He didn’t deny it, Liam,” Harry says softly. “Don’t you think that might be because if he did and the two of you started dating, he’d be a liar?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

The phone beeps loudly in his ear, signaling an incoming call. Liam pulls it away from his ear to glance at the screen.

Louis.

“Haz, I have to go he’s calling me.”

“Go get em, tiger!”

Harry makes a kissing noise before hanging up and with a shaking hand, Liam switches the call over.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Louis breathes out and Liam’s stomach flips over because he sounds so tired. “I didn’t wake you did I?”

“No, I was just talking to Harry.”

“Oh, did he –“

“Yeah. Kinda sucks doesn’t it?”

Louis’ laugh is shaky.

“A bit yeah. But. Can we talk? Can I come over?”

Liam frowns.

“Aren’t you already on set?”

He wants to see Louis, he does, but he knows how the conversation is going to go and he’d rather not do it right now, not ever really. It’s his day off, he just wants to climb back into bed and pull the blankets over his head.

“I’m not in any scenes today. Please?”

“Okay.”

“I’m leaving now. I’ll see you in a bit.”

 

;

 

As he waits for Louis to arrive, Liam calls his publicist to ask her to release a statement denying a relationship, saying he and Louis are just friends. Which is true. Then he calls his mum second, and he feels a bit guilty about doing so, but damage control right?

She tells him Louis sounds lovely and when he tells her he’s just a mate she sounds just as disappointed as he feels.

The buzzer next to the door is ringing far sooner than Liam would like and he hit the intercom.

“It’s me,” he hears Louis say before he can say anything, and he doesn’t have to so he just buzzes him up.

He hovers by the door and even after Louis knocks, he pauses. He waits because he feels like he’s going to be sick. He’s not sure why it’s changed so much, but it has.

“Li, I can hear you panicking,” Louis calls softly, just loud enough to be heard by Liam but not his neighbours.

Liam curses under his breath but pulls the door open anyway to find Louis on the other side. He’s dressed in grey joggers and a Ramones t-shirt, hood of his maroon hoodie pulled up over his head, and Liam notes the dark circles under his eyes beneath his glasses

Louis gives him a lopsided smile.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sorry, just –“

Liam scrambles to pull the door open and step out of the way. Louis closes it behind himself but makes no movement to step further into the loft.

“Liam, I –“

“No, don’t worry about it,” Liam cuts him off. “I get it, you don’t –“

“Have you quite finished?”

Louis looks amused, biting down on his bottom lip.

Liam just looks at him and doesn’t say anything else.

“You heard what I asked my publicist to say?” Louis prompts and Liam nods, swallowing thickly.

“Good. Because honestly, Liam. You’re all I’ve been able to think about this week, and I really want to get to know you better.”

Louis says it and gives Liam the most hopeful look that makes Liam’s stomach twist because what.

Louis has the audacity to chuckle, quietly, but still he’s laughing and Liam would punch him if he wasn’t frozen.

“You don’t see it, do you?” he says and reaches up to brush a thumb across Liam’s cheek, feather-light and tender. “You’re kind and funny and gorgeous, and I think we could be good, and I’d quite like to try. If you want to. If you don’t think… everything, would be too much. Because if you did, I’d understand.”

Liam doesn’t say anything for a moment, just looks at the man standing in front of him because he can’t believe that just came out of his mouth. It’s moved past ‘Louis Tomlinson, famous actor’ and to ‘Louis Tomlinson, beautiful human being’ and yes. Yes, he wants to try.

Louis’ face has fallen, blue eyes darkening and Liam knows he’s waited a second too long.

“Sorry, I’ll –“ Louis starts but Liam takes a step forward into his space, grasps the edges of his hoodie with both hands and pulls him in until he can see every single facet of his eyes. Eyes that widen at the sudden intrusion.

Louis’ lips part to say something more, but Liam leans in and presses his own to them tentatively. Louis is still for a moment whilst his brain pops and fizzles and struggles to make sense of what’s happening, but then he moves, snaking a hand up to Liam’s neck to tug his head down closer.

It’s Liam who pulls back first, out of breath and dizzy.  Instead of being hazy, everything is sharper and brighter.

“I’ll take that you want to?” Louis asks hopefully, breathlessly.

Liam chuckles and kisses the tip of his nose.

Notes:

the Scorsese film Louis is shooting is real (The Wolf of Wall Street), as is the production of Cinderella at the Broadway Theatre Liam is in (actually, so are all the productions Liam is mentioned being in).