Chapter Text

The secret list of very serious (and sober) 100th's rules

Colonel Hardings, you aren't allow to read it, sir. Thank you.

Rule #001

Before anyone tries, Meatball isn't allowed to drink. [DeMarco]

• Yes, he's a precious puppy, he's way too young. [Lemmons]
• He's 39 dog years old, that most of the rest of us. [Bubbles]
• Still no. [DeMarco]

Meat juice is allowed on special occasions. [DeMarco]

Rule #002

Egan is not allowed to sing under any circumstances. He'll tell you he can sing, he's wrong. [Curt]

• That's mean. [Bucky]
• Take singing lessons and we'll talk. [Gale] [Buck]

After a few incidents, the rule also applies to Crosby. [Curt]

Croz is allowed to sing if and only if he's drunk. [Curt]

• Bucky it's not a challenge to get him to drink himself to the point sickness. [Gale] [Buck]

Rule #003

Stop trying to get Cleven drunk, last time half the base was too scared to go within 50 yards of him and Egan and the other half wasn't able to look them in the eye for two weeks. [Red]

• As they should. [Bucky]
• You're still wasted, Bucky, stop creeping the base out. [Red]

Rule #004

Meatball is the most responsible of the 100th. However, he doesn't count as an official authority, you can use him as an excuse to get out because "it was a request from a superior “. [Major Jack Kidd – The Air Exc]

• Shame

Rule #005

Avoid giving Egan alcohol when Cleven isn't around, he makes a mess, no one can stop him. And he won't shut up about him. Next one who does it has to pay for the repairs. [Red]

• Buck, they're being mean to me again. [Bucky]
• We've talked about writing about the rules when you're drunk. [Gale] [Buck]

Rule #006

Rules can't be added when drunk (seriously guys, we had to rewrite all the rules because they were unreadable). [All the navigators]

The next 'gator who has to do this has my permission to tear down the person responsible. [Cleven]

• Thanks, Major.
• Buck, how can you say that? [Bucky]
• Except for Egan, I'll do it myself. [Gale] [Buck]

Rule #007

Know that when you play cards with Red, he's cheating and you won't know how. [Bucky]

• Egan, just because you're a sore loser doesn't mean I'm cheating. [Red]
• You got seven aces in a deck of four, cheater. [Bucky]

Rule #008

Please stop writing on the rules, it drives the ‘gators crazy. [Friedkin]

• That's the funny part. [Bucky]
• What's the matter, are they fucking too slow to keep up? [Gale] [Buck] [Gale] [Buck]
• Who gave Cleven alcohol, we said only ginger beer. [Bubbles]

Rule #009

When we go out, at least one person should stay sober or be able to bring everyone back to base. [Rosie]

• I vote for Croz, if he can bring a plane back while puking his guts out, he can do it on the ground while drunk. [Bubbles]
• Bubbles you promised not to mention it.... [Crosby]
• He found the only tree in the East Anglia, he should be able to find the base easily. [Blakely]
• I hate you guys [Crosby]

Rule #010

Don't use a nickname when addressing Buck with a drunk Egan, he gets jealous. [Hambone]

• I'm not jealous, if they want a best friend, they get someone else. Buck is MINE. [Bucky]
• Stop giving Bucky a pen when he's drunk. [Crosby]

Rule #011

Ground crew can drink even if they're under 21, they keep us in the air, at least they can drink on the ground. (This only applies to US military, local youth are still not allowed). [Cleven]

• Thanks Buck, that's why you're our favorite. [Lemmons]
• He’s mine, Lemmons. [Buck]
• Please avoid getting drunk while repairing the planes, we don't want another incident. [Cleven]
• Sorry guys :( [The ground crew]

Rule #012

Curt isn't allowed to take on boxing challenges at the 100th. [Kidd]

• But it's fun. [DeMarco]
• Maybe, but they have to be able to fly the next day, it's a nightmare with concussions. [Buck]

Curt have the permission to do it if people come and bother us. [Bubbles]

Someone has to supervise the fight (the last person had to take sick leave). [Kidd]

• He was mean. [Curt]
• Yes, it should have been worse. [Buck]

Cleven isn't considered supervision during the fight, guys. He's much worse (the last guy still cries every time he hears his name). [Crosby]

Rule #013

Fights must be approved by a major or 4 people (Meatball does not count as an approver). Conditions are the same as rule #013 [Blakely]

Rule #014

Good behavior can be rewarded with fight rights (see rule #013 and #014). [Bucky]

• Yay.
• Bucky you can't do this, Cleven do something. [Hambone]
• But it's fun and it makes the boys happy. [Buck]

Rule #015

Lemmons is not allowed to repair a car while someone is driving it, especially if he's drunk. [Rosie]

Rule #016

Thanks for writing the rules upright, just because some of you could read it upside down doesn't mean the rest of us can (I'm talking about you Bucks). [Blakely]

• See, Buck, they gave us a nickname. [Bucky]

Rule #017

Watch your mouth when addressing or talking about my stepchild. [Bucky]

• What's ? [Pappy]
• He's talking about Meatball. [Hambone]
• Again, what? [Pappy]
• Meatball is Demarco and Buck's child (they're co-parents), so he's my stepchild. [Bucky]

Seriously guys, Meatball has protective parents, act accordingly.  There's been another incident today. [Rosie]

Rule #018

Don't let drunk people near Cleven (especially if they're angry), we still get reprimands from RAF pilots. [Red]

• It should have been worse. [Bucky]
• Yes, they shouldn't have come near OUR major.

Rule #019

After too many complaints, Quinn can write ONLY and ONLY when he's drunk. This is the only time his handwriting is legible, and we're still trying to figure out how this is possible. [Brady]

Rule #020

Never, under any circumstances, hide the coffee. To whoever did this today, I hope for your sake we’ll never fly together, accidents happen so easily up there. [Major Gale Buck Cleven]

• Second. [Major Bucky Egan]
• Second. [Major Red Bowman]
• Second. [Navigators crew]
• Second. [Ground crew]
• They're scary. [Pappy]
• You didn't have to deal with all of them without coffee. [DeMarco]

Rule #021

If rule #003 isn't followed, make sure Cleven is near Meatball when he's drunk. He won't stop talking about him. [Bubbles]

• I want Meatball. [Buck]
• We know. [Bubbles]
• I miss him. [Buck]
• We know. [Bubbles]

Rule #022

Don't touch the Major Cleven's ginger beer. He's protective. [Friedkin]

Rule #023

At least one person must stay with Buck when we go drinking, the best choice being Meatball. [Bucky]

• Veto (except for the Meatball part, he can stay if he wants to). [Buck]
• Veto over the veto. [Bucky]
• Bucky!!! [Buck]
• Agree with veto on the veto. [Red]
• Red!!! [Buck]
• We agree with the veto over the veto. [100th]
• Guys!!! ...... (thanks) [Buck]

Rule #024

The ground staff can only use the fire to clean the tarmac, NOT to heat the barracks. [Major Jack Kidd – The Air Exc]

• But it was cold. [Ground crew]
• Lemmons keeps your pyromaniac crew in check. [Kidd]
• In their defense, it was cold. And fire is cool. [Lemmons]
• ... I hate you so much Bucky. [Kidd]
• I didn't do anything this time, I wasn't even there. [Bucky]
• You made me Air Exc. [Kidd]