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In kindergarten, boys had cooties. Everyone knew that. At least the kids did. The adults in their lives never really seemed to care about getting cooties. Instead they kissed and hugged each other like there was no tomorrow. Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg was especially disgusted by it. Whenever she saw Constance’s parents do it, she’d audibly yell “Ew!”. They’d laugh a little, but Ocean didn’t understand what was so funny.
In grade one, Ocean noticed just how many songs she heard on the radio were about love and romance. It was probably the subject of nine out of ten songs. She didn’t get what was so great about it. “Books are better, but no one writes those songs!” she protested one day. Once again Constance’s parents giggled, and once again Ocean didn’t understand what she’d said that was funny. She genuinely meant it; this whole love thing was overrated. Why did grown ups care so much about it?
In grade two, Ocean was being chased around the playground by Noel Gruber, her childhood best friend whom she considered to be her brother. They were playing tag and yelling things at each other like “You’ll never catch me!” “You’re in for it, gingersnap!” because the two of them were nothing if not competitive, especially with each other. As they were going back inside, the recess monitor made a comment about what a cute little couple they made. Obviously they were both disgusted. But Ocean wasn’t just weirded out by the implication that she liked Noel, she was weirded out by the implication that she liked a guy at all.
In grade four, Ocean found that it wasn’t just the adults who cared about love and kissing anymore. Boys stopped having cooties and started being cute. Well, Ocean didn’t think so, but everyone else seemed to. Especially Constance. She would talk for so long about a certain boy who had held the door for her or played tag with her at recess. One day, she had told this boy named Dustin that she liked him, and he turned her down because she was “too nice”. Constance cried for the rest of the day, and Ocean tried to be a good friend, but she didn’t understand what was so upsetting. It was just some boy. There were better things to be worrying about, like homework and her grades.
In grade seven, the classroom Valentine’s Day parties stopped. From here on out, people would only be making valentines for their special someone. When the big day rolled around and all of these boys and girls were holding hands in the hallways and giving each other flowers and chocolate, Ocean found that the disgusted cooties feeling she’d had when she was five years old never really went away. Well, it wasn’t so much disgust as it was extreme confusion. Why was everyone so into this but her?
That same year, Noel came out as gay. Ocean was happy for him, she really was, but she didn’t understand. How did he know he liked boys? And why was he so proud of it? It was just the fact that he liked boys. It didn’t make up who he was. When she asked him these questions, he was pissed because he thought she was being homophobic. And while she understood how it sounded that way in retrospect, that wasn’t how she meant it.
In grade nine, kids started to take dating more seriously. It wasn’t just innocent middle school relationships anymore, it was the real deal. Some kids only ever talked about their boyfriends and girlfriends, and they started to become interested in sex, which was something Ocean understood even less than the romance thing. Just the idea of it was repulsive to her.
In grade ten, Constance’s mom casually asked Ocean if she’d gotten a boyfriend yet, and was surprised when she said no. “You’re such a lovely young lady,” she said. “I’m sure you’ll find someone someday.” But the thing was, dating wasn’t something that Ocean really thought about unless someone else brought it up. She had better things to do, like read or study or do homework or sing in the choir.
In grade twelve, the St. Cassian Chamber Choir died on a roller coaster and was stuck in this weird musical limbo for an hour and a half. And something Ocean noticed was that she was one of three people who didn’t sing about romance; one was Constance, who’d never had much luck in her love life, and the other one was a girl who had lost her head and didn’t remember anything. Noel sang about his dreams of being a French hooker, Mischa sang about his online girlfriend who probably didn’t even exist, and Ricky sang about being some sort of sexy superhero on a cat-alien planet. And she was glad they were expressing themselves, but…they had one opportunity to sing about their lives, and that was the topic they chose? Something so trivial? Nothing about the things they achieved while they were alive? Or the lessons they learned?
Less than two months later (they were all brought back to life but that’s story for another time), Ocean mentioned to Constance that she’d never had a crush before, and Constance jumped into action. She teamed up with Penny to set Ocean up on blind dates with a bunch of guys from Penny’s old school. And they were all very nice, but the spark just wasn’t there.
Constance and Penny came to the conclusion that maybe Ocean was a lesbian, and then set her up with a girl instead. And this girl was lovely, but the romantic spark still wasn’t there. And it didn’t make sense; they were great friends, and logically, Ocean knew they’d make a great couple. But she just didn’t feel anything. She never had, for anyone. Maybe she was the problem, maybe there was something wrong with her. After all, if everyone else seemed crazy for caring so much, maybe that meant she was the crazy one.
But then she talked to Noel about it, and to her surprise, the most romantic person she knew told her that there was nothing wrong with not experiencing romantic or sexual feelings. In fact, there were names for it: aromantic and asexual. As soon as Noel explained these words to her, she felt so relieved. There wasn’t anything wrong with her, she was just aromantic and asexual. She didn’t feel the way her peers felt, and that was okay.
In grade twelve, Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg came out as aromantic asexual. And she finally understood why Noel was so proud of being gay and why it was such a big deal. It was because the way he loved was different from that of his peers…and that was okay.