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My minds thinking of leaving, it feels easier, it is easier.. mas madali to diba?
Yung umalis
At tumakbo
Right?
I'm not good at making decisions, but if i do choose to not stay, i think it will be more easier for us.
Mas madali naman siguro yon para samin.. para sakin.
Lahat naman madali para sayo.
My mind say's run and don't look back,
But my heart... My heart won't comply
Kala ko ba utak natin yung nag co control, pero bat parang puso naman nangunguna..
The voice's in the back of my head is screaming run, run, run, run, just fucking run..
But it felt like naka glue nako from that spot
Staring at him.. at them.
My Syl.. and him.. his ex
I feel like throwing up.
The scene Infront of me..
My heart hurts
My stomach's churning
I opened my mouth.. i tried to talk.. but all that came out was a soft cracked mutter under my breath
I can't seem to speak.. i feel like there's a knot in my throat that prevents me to properly speak..
My legs buckles, wobbly
As they finally noticed my presence, i pulled my self up..
I ran away.. tumakbo ako paalis..
I heard his voice, my Syl...
I ignored it.. i didn't look back..
I felt his arms around me, locking me in his warm embrace
"Tangina... Tangina.."
I said between my heavy breaths
Paulit ulit akong nag mura, my face was so wet with tears and sweat
"Fuck.. Tangina.. Syl bitaw."
He didn't let go, hugging me from the back, sinubukan ko'ng kumawala sa mahigpit nyang yakap..
"Syl sabing bitaw!"
"No."
I laughed, and that laugh turned into sobbing
I stopped moving.
"Ano nanaman ba'ng rason mo"
I said while crying out loud
"Sorry."
"Sorry nanaman Syl?"
"Di na mauulit hal.."
"Pang ilang ulit mo na yan"
I screamed
"Bitawan mo na ako Syl"
"Sorry."
He repeats, and rested his chin of my shoulder—rubbing his fingers on my forearms
"Tangina naman"
"Let go na-"
"Sorry.. sorry, napagod lang ako hal, hindi sadya"
"Napagod?? Ayun na yon?"
"Ako ba? Satingin mo ba hindi ako napagod?!"
I shouted abd finally he loosened his hold on me.. but we stayed in that position.. i placed my hand on his arms that was still around me, and caressed it..
"Pagod nako, pagod na pagod na.. tigil na natin to Syl.. di ako napagod sayo, di rin ako napagod na mag-isa laging lumalaban para sa relasyon natin.. kaso pagod na 'ko masaktan eh"
We let got from each others hold then i walked a step away and turned Infront of him with a pained expression, face wet, with some of my hairs sticking to my forehead and my face
"Tigil na."
I said shakily, trying hard to prevent the sobs
"Kung pagod hal diba dapat nag papahinga, magpahinga ka, tayo.. but let's not end this like this"
"This won't work.. not when you keep on coming back to him"
Sylas's eyes widened..
"I-"
"Mahal mo pa eh, be honest with me sylas.. mahal mo pa diba?"
Sylas was frozen..
One, two, three, four, five, fifteen seconds
Of silence
"Sorry"
Sylas muttered as he looked down
Then i cried loudly, i was crying so much it's almost as if my eyes is mimicking the rain
He tried to get close to me but i stepped back away
And i ran away... I ran away again
But this time he didn't chase me.
A part of me was sad for that, but a part of me was also relieved.. kasi baka pag hinabol nya nanaman ako e bumigay nanaman ako at mag paka tanga ulit.