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This. This was not fun.
Sex was fun. Kicking ass was fun. Revolutionizing the entire world with a snap of his fingers was fun.
This? This was not fun.
So what was he doing here, then? Well, it all started with his annoyingly adorable boyfriends...
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"I do not fucking think so."
"Tony, c'mon! Please?"
"Steve. I can literally fly us anywhere, get reservations anywhere, in the world for a date. And you want to go to a carnival?"
"Well, yes. But it'll be fun! And all the proceeds go towards a good cause, so..."
Tony raised an eyebrow at Steve's earnest look. No doubt he was hoping to save orphans, or cancer patients, or puppies, or orphan puppies with cancer or whatever he was advocating this week. He sighed. His sol was to earnest for his own good.
"Barnes. Help me knock some sense into your boyfriend."
"Why is he my boyfriend when he's being annoying? Besides, Steve's right. It looks like fun, and it is for a good cause."
"He bribed you, didn't he?"
"I will neither confirm nor deny that that allegation, dollface."
"But it's the carnival."
"What? Is dollface to much of a prima donna to be seen at a carnival?"
Tony narrowed his eyes. He knew Bucky didn't really think that. And he knew the game he was playing. But damn it all if he didn't fall for it every. Single. Time. He huffed in annoyance and threw the rag he had been using to wipe his hands at DUM-E.
"You know what? Fine. Let's go to a stupid carnival."
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So that's how he found himself here.
It wasn't even one of the big, fancy ones with huge rides and crap. It was the kind with stands everywhere, a Ferris wheel, and a carousel. It was like he had stepped back in time. He was about to open his mouth and ask 'where to first', when the sound of wailing assaulted his eardrums. He looked over at the stall where it was coming from, and saw a little girl clutching her mother's pant leg. The mother was glaring at the man in the stall.
"That's not fair! She beat that game fair and square!"
"Listen, lady. See that little hole right there? It didn't light up. So that means she didn't win."
"But it went through the circle! Are the lights broken?"
"Well, I guess she shouldn't have thrown it at that one."
"She's five! That's the only one she can freaking reach!"
"Boo-hoo. Listen, lady. No lights, no prize. Simple as that."
Tony turned towards Steve to comment on how shitty that was, only to find his boyfriend gone.
Shit.
Sure enough, Steve was stalking over towards the stall, fists clenched. He didn't even need to see his face to know it was twisted in angry determination. Tony groaned. Sure, they were all in disguise. Steve was wearing jeans, a coat (that he really didn't need), sneakers, a Dodgers hat, and those ridiculous nerd glasses (that he didn't even know where they came from). But Tony knew that if Steve went over there and did something stupid, their cover would be blown quicker than a windstorm. He gently tugged at Bucky's sleeve, who was examining the entire area. He was doing much better with crowds, but he still couldn't break the habit of scanning for threats everywhere they went. Tony didn't see the harm in it, and neither did the rest of the team, and it made Bucky feel more at ease, so Bucky didn't really have much incentive to stop.
Bucky looked down at him in curiosity, and Tony merely pointed towards the stand where Steve was crouched down talking to the little girl. Bucky's eyes widened, and he swore.
"That punk is going to blow our cover, ain't he?"
"Maybe not. But that stand worker isn't going to know what hit him."
Sure enough, within minutes, to the carnie's surprise (but not to Tony and Bucky's), Steve had damn near cleared the stand of prizes, and was handing them out to the group of kids who had flocked to him in amazement. He broke away from the group, carrying an enormous white bear with a purple ribbon around its neck. He handed it to the little girl, who clutched it to her chest. The mom thanked him profusely, and the little girl squealed in joy.
"I'm gonna name'm Snowflake! Cuz' he's white, and I like the snow! Thanks mistah!"
"It's my pleasure. Take good care of him, alright?"
"I will!"
Steve patted her head and made his way back over to his boyfriends. His cheeks colored pink a little as he explained himself.
"Well, she looked so disappointed! And it wasn't like it took much effort on my part. And I had enough tickets..."
Tony merely grinned at his sol, and kissed him on the cheek.
"Well, it was pretty awesome to watch you turn into some kind of Robin Hood."
"I'm glad you were entertained."
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They were walking around while stuffing their face with delicious funnel cake when Tony saw them. Two giant stuffed animals; a Captain America bear in his full uniform, and a Bucky bear in his new uniform, with one arm made to look like his metal arm (including the once red-now white star).
He wanted them.
His boyfriends noticed his interest in the bears, and rolled their eyes. But he wanted them. He ran up towards the stand, examining it. It was a shooting game, complete with bulls-eyes and a score card. The farther the target was, the more points you got. He was about to pick up a gun when he was shoved sideways. He caught himself, fixed his glasses, and glared at the offender. It was a college punk, complete with the varsity jacket, dumb-as-rocks posse, and blonde girlfriend. Unfortunately for him, his significant others had seen the display, and had flanked him on both sides, slightly obscuring him from view. The jock stupidly didn't back off.
"Look old man. I don't know what you're doing here, but I see you eyeing that Captain America bear. And my girlfriend wants it. So why don't you wander away before you break a hip, and take your fag boyfriends with you."
He high-fived his friends, and Bucky stepped forwards before Steve or Tony could restrain him. Luckily, he didn't break the asshole's face (though it looked like he really wanted to).
"You think you're such hot shit? Let's do this. Highest score wins. I'll take on all of you assholes, one at a time."
The punk smirked, and sat down.
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It was brutal.
One by one they all fell down, and Bucky claimed his prizes. So Tony not only walked away with his two original stuffed animals; he also walked away with: an Iron Man bear, a smaller Black Widow bear, a Hawkeye plushie, a squeaky Thor's hammer, and a Hulk bear that roared when you squeezed it. He was going to carry these around SHIELD for weeks, professionalism be damned. He smirked at the group from behind his two bears (Steve and Bucky were holding the rest).
"Well. It looks like that fag just handed your ass to you all. And I may be old, but my blonde is hotter than your blonde, and my brunette is stronger than all of your buddies. So suck it."
With that, he strode away, laughing at Steve's bright red face and Bucky's amused snort.
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They had stayed at the carnival for a few more hours, eating more unhealthy food and riding the Ferris wheel before heading home. The other Avengers had all found his load humorous ("My prizes. No touchy."), and he just strode past them like everything was normal. And when they turned in for the night, the real Steve and Bucky had sighed as they draped their arms over the bears (because Tony refused to leave them on the couch with the others). They all drifted off, pleased at how the date had turned out.
And if Tony snuggled his bears extra hard whenever he was sick, or his sol and luna were on a mission, well, they were soft and warm and made good substitutes, alright?
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