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Most Influential Books of All Time. Books That Will Change Your Life! Books That Have Survived Centuries.
What did these web articles have in common? They all ranked the same novel in first place: The Bible.
Shen Yuan was a twenty year old who self-identified as a literary critic. This was a nicer way of saying he was an unemployed second gen rich boy who spent all day arguing over web novels.
One day, in the midst of cursing out the latest shitshow he’d stumbled upon, Shen Yuan had an epiphany: instead of scourging through trash looking for gold, why not just read something considered good?
The general consensus was that the Bible was the greatest book to grace the planet- so to soothe his heart aching from the pain of another terribly written xianxia, he ordered a copy.
His overall impression? He had mixed feelings about it.
There were incredible lines that left Shen Yuan in awe. For example, Matthew 10:34. ‘Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.’ Badass. 10/10. Superb. No comments.
Then there were… other parts of the book. Like Deuteronomy 25:11-12. ‘If two men are fighting with each other, and the wife of one steps in to rescue her husband from the one striking him, and she puts out her hand and grabs his genitals, you are to cut off her hand. Do not show pity.’
Shen Yuan read and reread the paragraph multiple times. This was the venerated book unanimously considered #1 of all time, right? Did he get a faulty copy? Was he just too stupid to understand some metaphor? Like he did with all books that perplexed him, he found an internet group dedicated to the Bible.
peerlesscucumber: W hat the fuck is Deuteronomy 25:11-12? Am I missing some hidden meaning, or was Moses just on crack?
To his great shock, he was not met with memes or enlightenment or discussion regarding the passage. There was extreme outrage before he was swiftly and permanently banned from the forum.
With no one online to listen to him, he threw open the door to his brother's office. “This is such bullshit!” Shen Yuan shook with rage. “The protagonist was just a pure white lotus who wanted to help everyone, and they killed him off! Moses, you hack authour, what kind of bullshit is this!?”
“Protagonist?” Da-ge glanced at the Bible in Shen Yuan’s hand and his face crumpled into apprehension. “You mean… Jesus Christ?”
“Yes! How did such an amazing character get stuck in such an awful novel?”
Shen An forced a complicated smile. “A-Yuan, let’s talk after I finish work.” Seeing the embarrassed smile on his younger brother’s face, he reassured him, “I really do want to listen, so wait, okay?”
Shen Yuan brightened and exited his office. Shen An got approximately five minutes to work before his door was opened again. “Ge, I know I said I’d leave you alone, but you will not believe this shit,” Shen Yuan seethed. “They killed him off and then brought him back to life in the very next chapter!”
“...yes, A-Yuan, that… that is how the Bible goes.” When Shen Yuan opened his mouth again, his brother cut him off swiftly. “You have a lot of thoughts about this, so why not go to a church?”
“Church?” Shen Yuan bit his lip nervously. “I don’t know…”
The more he considered it, the more his brother’s advice made sense. What was a church if not a book club with tax exemptions?
So Shen Yuan made his way to Cang Qiong Church.
He couldn’t believe how much everyone here loved Jesus! There were pictures and statues of him everywhere, and even a hundred copies of the Bible just free for anyone to borrow! Shen Yuan was incredibly touched. Finally, his favourite protagonist was getting the love he deserved!
Then the sermon started and that excitement died slowly. What the hell was this? The priest had no understanding of the plot, only knew the character’s relationships in a completely surface level manner, and worst of all, he kept woobifying Jesus! Jesus Christ was not a helpless little lamb forced to accept his death, he chose to die for the good of humanity! Come on!
Shen Yuan finally snapped when the priest called Mary an ‘eternal virgin’.
“What the hell are you talking about!” Peerless Cucumber, novel discourser extraordinaire, was standing and screaming before he could even stop himself. “Mary canonically had children other than Jesus! Have you even read the Bible?”
Scandalized whispers ran through the mass. The priest calmly held up a hand to silence everyone. “Sir, if you interrupt again, we will show you out.”
“You’ll kick me out for bringing up that you’re wrong?” Shen Yuan argued. “Matthew 13:55 literally says, ‘isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t his mother’s name Mary, and aren’t his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas?’ So how could his mother have been a virgin when Jesus was the only son of God!?”
Many of the members muttered among themselves, flipping to the verse and expressing their surprise. Shen Yuan was truly at a loss. Was he the only person here who’d read the book being discussed?
The man at the altar was clearly displeased to see so many churchgoers actually open the Bible. “Brother does not always mean a biological sibling. We know for a fact Mary remained pure-”
“Wrong.” This guy didn’t know who he was messing with. Peerless Cucumber was not someone who backed down from a fight when it came to his blorbos. “Turn to Matthew 1:24-25! It says, ‘when Joseph woke up, he did as the Lord’s angel had commanded him. He married her but did not have sexual relations with her until she gave birth to a son.’ Until being the key word.”
Once again, the others flipped their books again, and this time, they voiced agreements and nodded along with Shen Yuan.
“If you’re done,” the preacher hissed, “please leave.”
Shen Yuan replied haughtily, “why, so you can keep making things up in God’s name?”
This was evidently the wrong (right?) thing to say, as the previously docile audience turned into… what could only be called a mob.
One man grabbed a candle lantern and pointed it threateningly. “You dare use God to spread lies in our good church!?”
“Bastard!” A woman shrieked.
Someone yelled from the back, “he’s a demon in disguise, kill him!”
This was… a hundred times worse than the discord he spread online! He was never listening to da-ge again!
Someone rushed out, holding his hands up. “Everyone, everyone, please!”
What happened after was a haze. The elderly man- the head pastor- calmed the crowd and sent everyone home. Everyone except Shen Yuan.
He shifted in his seat nervously. Inciting a riot wasn’t illegal if it was an accident, right…? “Am I in trouble?”
“Not at all!” The old man exclaimed. “You were so passionate, and your knowledge of the good book was just incredible!” He gazed admiringly at Shen Yuan. “I actually wanted to request… if you could come back again next week to speak?”
Shen Yuan couldn’t believe his ears. His rantings were, at best, tolerated by the people who loved him. There were people who wanted to listen to him tear apart miconstructions among readers?
“I… yeah, um, I’d love to,” he stuttered out in surprise.
So Shen Yuan returned the next weekend and gave a long speech (speech, not sermon!) about Jesus Christ. About what a sweet little lamb he was and how he deserved better! The week after that, he raged that people who hate Judas missed the whole point of the book, damnit, because the entire thing was about Jesus forgiving him!
Every time he returned to the church, he was met with smiles and cheers. Whenever he said something most disagreed with, as long as he had a verse to back up his thinking, people eventually nodded along. He’d never met people so… willing to listen to his tirades!
One day, after a long talk about how radical and controversial Jesus was considered during his time, Shen Yuan was invited into the lead pastor’s office. Maybe he’d been too critical lately and pissed some people off? Shen Yuan was regularly banned from online spaces for his refusal to LeT PeOpLe EnJoY tHiNgS , so he was surprised to realize that if he was kicked out this church, he’d actually be… a little sad about it.
Once Shen Yuan was sitting in the uncomfortable wooden chair, the head pastor began. “Mr. Shen, you have brought real zeal and love for the Bible back to the people here.” He clasped Shen Yuan’s hand. “Please, come work for us full time.”
Shen Yuan was speechless. “You don't need to pay me. I like doing this- too many people misunderstand the book.”
He regretted his words instantly when the man began crying. “Mr. Shen is far too magnanimous for this church!” He wiped a tear, his face flooded in awe. “Spreading the lord’s message for nothing in return! You are a true believer!”
Before continuing, one must understand three facts about Shen Yuan:
- Shen Yuan’s obsessive desires to educate others often landed him in abnormal situations.
- Shen Yuan was not religious in the least, and never would be.
- Shen Yuan had a weakness for tears.
“Uh, okay, do I need to sign anything before I start?”
Several days later, his er-ge visited the family home for dinner. Since everyone was together, he decided to break the news.
“I got a job,” Shen Yuan said. “I’m working as a priest starting next week.”
Da-ge, who had told Shen Yuan about the church, only closed his eyes and sighed. Everyone else at the table stared at him in shock and bewilderment.
Finally, it was his er-ge who barked, “since when do you care about God?!”
Shen Yuan leaned back in his seat, wondering how his life had come to this. “I don’t.”
It was absurd, but… he actually liked his job.
“Father, I have a confession,” a girl said to him after a sermon. Her eyes stared at the floor in shame. “I have been having sinful thoughts.”
Shen Yuan raised a brow. She was eight- what sinful thoughts could she be having? “Go on.”
“Mother says it is against the Lord’s word to bear grudges or take revenge.” She held her hands together against her chest. “But there’s this boy! He always picks on me and pulls on my hair, and he won’t stop! I just want to…” She looked up, her face pained with frustration. “Why can’t I hit him back!?”
Yes, the Bible had about a dozen lines about forgiveness and selflessness… and Shen Yuan thought they were all stupid.
At this point, he’d long realized people rarely cared about the general message of the Bible- ‘do good and give to charity’ was much less favoured upon than ‘follow this book or you’ll go to hell.’ Shen Yuan had an encyclopedic knowledge of verses… and he happily gave them out of context for his own beliefs.
“Proverbs 21:3 says, ‘to do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.’” Shen Yuan shot her a mischievous grin. “Go give him justice.”
She threw herself at his legs, the small thing hugging him the best she could. “You’re the best, Father!”
The girl ran out of the church. Seconds later he heard a boy shrieking outside.
Ah, he loved his job.
Churchgoers fondly praised Father Shen for ending every dispute so effectively through God's word. Shen Yuan wished they weren't so easily swayed by a line from an old book. Really, he could say ‘this verse says you have to give me all your money,’ and everyone would start emptying their wallets without question!
“It would be so easy to make this church my personal cult,” Shen Yuan mused. “Good thing I don’t want to.”
“You have to know how sociopathic you sound right now,” replied Shang Qinghua.
Shang Qinghua was another man who didn't care much for the church’s teachings. The head of logistics and financing quickly became his friend, and then his punching bag when he learned about Qinghua’s tastes in literature.
“Well, I gotta get to my second job.”
“You work two jobs?” Shen Yuan asked. “That’s brutal, this place doesn’t pay you enough?”
Shang Qinghua sighed. “It pays fine, but I think my other boss would actually murder me if I quit.”
“Then you should definitely quit.”
Shang Qinghua punched his arm lightly as a goodbye.
Shen Yuan returned to the nave. It was nearly empty- there was only one boy remaining, glaring at the statue of Christ. He had a chubby face and a square jaw that was reminiscent of every TV-bully ever cast.
“Can this Father help you?”
The teenager sneered. “I’m sure you think you can.”
Ah, to be young and full of angst again…
(Yes, Shen Yuan was nineteen a year ago, and technically he’d only not been a teenager for a few months, but he was really just an old man, okay?)
“I’m Shen Yuan.”
“...Ming Fan,” the boy groused. “My dad comes here.”
Oh, Old Ming. That weird old narcissist who constantly bragged about every little deed hoping for praise. Shen Yuan instantly felt sorry for the child.
Ming Fan huffed. “God is an asshole! What kind of parent just lets his son die!”
He nodded. “Yeah, that was weird of him.”
The boy gawked. “Aren’t you going to yell at me about blasphemy?”
“I like Jesus, not God,” Shen Yuan scoffed. “Say whatever you want about him. And you’re right, he’s a terrible father.”
Ming Fan was left dumbstruck, so Shen Yuan sat next to him on the pew. They stared at the statue together.
“...I hate my dad.” Ming Fan whispered. “You’ll probably tell me I’m going to hell for thinking that.”
He would have if he was a real priest. Instead he said, “Colossians 3:21 tells us, ‘fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.’ If you are having these feelings, that means your dad is at fault, not you.”
…there were also a million other verses saying sons should love their parents blindly, but as previously established, the Bible was really just a tool for him to say whatever he wanted.
“You… it’s okay?” Ming Fan turned to him, a hopelessly lost expression on his face. “You’re not mad?”
“Luke 6:37. ‘Judge not, and you will not be judged.’ I’m a priest, you can talk to me about anything.”
“Oh,” he said softly. “Really?”
Shen Yuan caressed the top of his head, smiling as his face went pink. “That’s right.”
Ming Fan became a regular at the church. Every Sunday, the child would run up to him with news. “Father, Father, I got the highest mark in my class for our essay exam!”
“Well done, Ming Fan. That’s the result of your hard work.” With every head pat, the boy would grow stickier, until he was coming in on weekdays as well.
One day a younger girl accompanied him. “This is Ning Yingying,” he said proudly. “We’re going to get married one day!”
“No we’re not,” Yingying said without missing a beat. Still smiling while Ming Fan gaped in heartbreak, she continued excitedly, “can people really turn water into wine!?”
“No, that was just Jesus.” When she pouted, he said, “but people can buy and ferment wine.”
Her eyes shone. “I heard they let you drink wine in churches. Can we have some?”
“Absolutely not. We have grape juice for you.”
“Yeah, how can you ask Father for that!?” Ming Fan cried.
“It’s just a little bit!” Ning Yingying crossed her arms. “You’re so uptight and boring! This is why girls don’t like you!”
While the two teenagers bickered, Shen Yuan considered the situation. These were high schoolers. They'd get their hands on alcohol if they really wanted to- it would be better if they did it somewhere with an adult supervising them.
“For legal reasons, I’m not giving you wine, I’m giving you sacramental blood.” Shen Yuan said. “And I’m telling you to only have a sip, so if you take more than one, that’s all on you, got it?”
The children nodded eagerly, their eyes wide as they watched Shen Yuan pour a considerable amount of wine into a chalice.
“Now I’m turning around, so make sure you don’t drink more than one sip.”
From behind him he heard the sound of wine being sipped, followed by gagging. “This is disgusting! You take it!”
Ming Fan was next. “Ew, this tastes terrible!”
Shen Yuan snickered as he returned. The children had matching expressions of disappointment aimed at the cup. “It takes a while to develop a taste for wine,” Shen Yuan explained, “and it tastes awful until you do. It’s honestly better to just have a soda, but I knew you wouldn’t believe me if I just said so.”
The two of them nodded. They were chattering excitedly when they left half an hour later.
A few days later, the normally empty church had about five teenageres in the nave.
“Father Shen is the best!” Yingying exclaimed to the others. “He gave us alcohol last time we were here!”
“Sacramental blood!” Shen Yuan corrected. “And I’m not giving it to any of you!”
“But we can hang out here, right?”
Well… if they needed somewhere to go after school, a church was definitely a better place to spend their time than some other places a teenager could go. “Sure,” Shen Yuan answered. “Only when people aren’t here for prayer, though. And say you’re thinking about God if anyone asks.”
The kids cheered and lounged around on various pews, chatting with each other. Some of them pulled out textbooks, and others fiddled around on their phones.
One girl sighed in irritation at her notebook. “If I pray, can God tell me how to find the y-intercept without a graph?”
She was in the same grade as his sister, then. Shen Yuan regularly tutored her, so he said, “I can show you.”
For the next hour, he was surrounded by students letting out ‘oohh' s and ‘that’s how!’ s while he solved equations.
“Father, you’re so much better than my teacher,” she wailed. “Come work at my school!”
“The church is only full on Sundays,” Shen Yuan replied. “You can come by when you need help, I have nothing better to do.” When the kids looked at him in disbelief, he cleared his throat. “Philippians 4:13. ‘I can do all things through him who strengthens me.’ This includes having the strength to… pass a math course, so it’s my job.”
It became normal for students to come to Shen Yuan for help with school. One person would bring a friend also struggling in class, and they’d bring another, and so on. For the first time ever, it was considered normal for the church to be packed on a weekday. Children would rush in, begging for Shen Yuan to answer their questions first.
“It’s sunset, time to go home!” The highschoolers all whined and groaned while Shen Yuan pushed them out. “Come on, you can come back tomorrow, I’m not spending all day here!”
Only after all the students had filtered out did Shen Yuan realize there was one other employee present.
“Father Shen?” The lead pastor questioned. “What was all that?”
“Ah, some children come together with their classmates when they have questions for me.”
…maybe he should have asked for permission before turning the church into a study spot. Shen Yuan wondered if he would get fired for this, but instead found his boss sniffling desperately.
“Never have I seen so many youths this excited to learn the ways of the Lord.” The lead pastor was crying. Again. “Thank you, Brother, you were a blessing from God.”
“Sure,” Shen Yuan said halfheartedly.
The downpour was deliciously heavy against the stone of the church’s exterior. No one would dare make any trips in this weather, so Shen Yuan had the large building all to himself. He closed his eyes, a warm cup of tea in his hands as he listened to the rain.
It was seven. Work ended long ago, but at the first crack of thunder he’d informed his mother he would come home once the storm died down.
His quiet solitude ended when the front door creaked open. Opening his eyes showed him what could only be described as the human embodiment of a ‘pathetic wet cat’ meme.
The boy was shivering, completely drenched. His thick wet hair was plastered against his skin and dripping onto the floor. He seemed dismayed by the mess he was creating, and didn’t dare enter further inside.
Shen Yuan was on his feet in a second. “Are you waiting to catch a cold? Come in, and close the door behind you!”
“I-I’m sorry.” The boy clutched something against his chest- a jade guanyin pendant. “I don’t go here.”
Neither do I, he thought.
At this point, reciting a verse to convince someone to do something had become second nature for Shen Yuan. “Jude 1:22. ‘And have mercy on those who doubt.’ You are welcome here even if you don’t believe. Stay put, I’ll be right back.”
Rummaging through the vestry (more of an employee break room, really) Shen Yuan quickly found what he was searching for. Towels for baptisms and a spare choir robe.
When he returned, the child was still standing where Shen Yuan left him, as if he couldn’t bear to make any more of the tiled floor wet. The priest rolled his eyes and handed him the items. “Go take off your clothes in the confessional, and put this on. Dry yourself, or you’ll really get sick.”
He left again before the boy could say anything else.
By the time he’d returned with a big cup of steaming green tea, the boy had stripped off his dripping clothes and taken a seat on the front most pew. Dressed all in white, the child’s big innocent eyes stared at Shen Yuan with reverence. This combined with the towel bundling up his hair, he truly looked like a pure white sheep.
Too cute…! This kid should be a child actor or something! Or have his face on bottles of baby powder! “Warm yourself up.”
The boy took the cup, holding it with both hands to heat them. “Thank you, mister… um…” Then he suddenly piped up, “I’m Luo Binghe!” and looked at him expectantly.
When Shen Yuan realized what was happening, he nearly laughed. The boy was too polite to ask for someone’s name without giving his own first! Were there still kids this pure and sweet? “Shen Yuan,” he offered. “You can call me Father Shen.”
“Father…” Luo Binghe’s face reddened and he sipped his tea bashfully.
He really was a very cute child- he looked to be somewhere around a highschool freshman, yet to fully grow into himself but showing the first stages of maturing. Shen Yuan was sure he would one day become an incredibly handsome man. Even wearing nothing but an oversized robe and a dusty towel for a hat, he looked so adorable Shen Yuan wanted more than anything to pinch his cheeks.
“Do you have a cell phone?” When Binghe shook his head, Shen Yuan pulled out his own. “Use mine to call your parents. They must be worried sick about you.”
“My mom,” Binghe replied quietly. “Just her.”
“Okay, do you know her number?”
The boy bit his lip. “She's at work, I don't want to disturb her…”
When he looked up again… gah! Those eyes were so big and adorable and dangerous!! They could kill a man!
“I’ll call you a ride-”
“No!” Binghe grabbed the startled priest’s uniform. “Please, I’ve already inconvenienced you so much!”
“Binghe, it’s no trouble.”
“Please,” Binghe whispered.
Shen Yuan patted the child’s head. It was already dark, and the rain wasn’t letting up anytime soon. Church was the most boring place in the world, so how could he entertain a kid? A thought occurred to him.
“Binghe, have you ever played an organ?”
They spent the next hour seated next to each other on that small wooden bench, Shen Yuan trying to apply his piano lessons to the bigger instrument. Binghe was an incredibly fast learner- Shen Yuan would even call him a prodigy. He was reading sheet music nearly as fast as Shen Yuan right after being taught about it.
Eventually they ended up abandoning the book of hymns and looked for music on Shen Yuan’s smartphone. When he played Never Gonna Give You Up, Binghe started laughing uncontrollably and couldn’t stop until he fell right off the bench.
“Binghe!” He took Luo Binghe’s hand and helped him up. Even after the boy was standing again, Binghe didn’t let go. He stared at their joined hands with wide eyes. “Binghe?”
He jerked away then, finally releasing Shen Yuan. “I- sorry, Father!”
Ah, he was back to being shy again so quickly! But with the organ abandoned once more, the church was deadly quiet. “I think the rain’s stopped.”
“Oh,” Binghe whispered. The disappointment was evident on his face, so Shen Yuan patted his head again.
Binghe’s hair was now dry enough that he could take off the towel and let his wild curls fall down. The still dripping clothes he came in were stuffed into the absorbent fabric so he could hold them. Shen Yuan turned off the lights and locked the front door behind him as they both exited the building.
“Father!” Binghe called. “I’ll definitely wash what you lent me and bring them back!”
Shen Yuan smiled. “I’ll be happy to see you again when you do.”
Binghe beamed before running away into the night. Shen Yuan made his way home as well, walking in the opposite direction.
What a darling boy.