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I Need To Confess…

Summary:

Buck snapped out of his thoughts when Bobby stood up. Buck looked up. "It's over… See, it wasn't that bad, was it?" Bobby said, looking at him.

"So, this is what keeps you sober?" Buck asked.

"That and the confessional..." Bobby smiled. "You should try it out; you just walk into the booth. And he comes and talks to you."

"Bobby, I don't know what I have to confess."

"It doesn't have to be anything serious." Buck looked at Bobby. "Just talking about it helps... trust me."

 

OR

Bobby takes Buck to church after the Plane Crash to at least help him talk about his emotions about the disaster.

Notes:

Eh, not the best thing I’ve ever written… Not the worse lol

Work Text:

"I don't know about this." Buck sighed, looking at Bobby as they walked through the doors of Bobby's local Catholic Church. Bobby hummed as they took their seats, not uttering a word. Buck looked at Bobby, then in front of him. There was a sense of unease that settled over him as he observed the solemn faces of the congregation. The flickering candlelight and the hushed whispers created an atmosphere that made Buck question his decision to come along.


Buck was looking at the candles that were lit. There were a lot, and Buck would surmise that it was for the plane crash victims. He wanted to light one for them, but after the sermon, he was here for Bobby's sake and, really, his own. Religion wasn't really his thing; he didn't grow up in one. He's neither an agnostic nor an atheist. He felt that since he left home at 19, he was more spiritual.


"Thank you all for coming. I'm sorry to share with you that your usual priest is out sick today. He's asked if I would step in and lead today's sermon. I hope that's alright with you." Buck's eyes widened. Oh, sweet Jesus... This priest had an accent. More specifically, a Southern accent. He was tall, lean, and had short, black, coiffed hair. Kind eyes; brown, warm, like melted chocolate. He had a freckle under his eyes and full lips with pearly white teeth. Buck swallowed and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The priest was hotter than any man Buck had ever seen.


"Now, before I begin, I would like to introduce myself to the congregation." Buck blushed as he watched his hands. They looked like perfect necklaces. He coughed as he shook off the dirty thought. "My name is Eddie Diaz. I just recently moved here, about a few weeks ago. I, uh, served in Afghanistan twice before getting discharged. I have a son with cerebral palsy; my wife recently passed." Buck sighed. Figures: Why would a man that hot be queer in any form? It didn't matter; at least he was eye candy.


Father Diaz smiled gently, and he awkwardly opened his Bible behind the podium. Buck stopped listening after that. He couldn't really pay attention as he was too focused on Father Diaz's mouth, neck, and hands. Buck's mind began to wander, his thoughts consumed by a growing desire for Father Diaz. He couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to run his fingers through that thick, dark hair or feel those strong hands on his body. The guilt of these thoughts washed over him, but he couldn't deny the undeniable attraction he felt towards the man standing before him.


Buck snapped out of his thoughts when Bobby stood up. Buck looked up. "It's over… See, it wasn't that bad, was it?" Bobby said, looking at him.

 

"So, this is what keeps you sober?" Buck asked.

 

"That and the confessional..." Bobby smiled. "You should try it out; you just walk into the booth. And he comes and talks to you."

 

"Bobby, I don't know what I have to confess."

 

"It doesn't have to be anything serious." Buck looked at Bobby. "Just talking about it helps... trust me."

Buck looked at him. "But I'm not the one who relapsed?" He was confused about Bobby's point.

 

Bobby chuckled, resting a hand on Buck's shoulder. "No, you're not... But you're still new to this job, kid. The things we've seen, done, or heard. It changes you. I don't want you to end up in my position. And well, until the lawsuit with Dr. Wells clears up, I don't want you to feel like you're going to sleep with someone to feel better. I'll be out in the car. Take your time, Buck."

Buck looked at Bobby, almost ready to protest, before he looked over at Father Diaz, who looked back at him as he was talking with one of the women in the congregation. She didn't have a sense of personal space. And Father Diaz looked uncomfortable. "Would you excuse me for a second? It appears I'm needed." He said it politely as he lightly nodded and walked towards Buck. Even the sexiest priest alive walked like a model. Buck didn't know if he was going to make it if the hot guy kept being hot.


"You seem a little lost... I take it; this isn't your normal scene." Father Diaz asked as he looked at Buck. Buck looked at the candles. "Silent but strong type? You've got a look that only soldiers could... No, not a soldier. Maybe you're a first responder... Cop? No, you have sad eyes. Firefighter?"


Buck looked back at Eddie. "Ah, you're a firefighter." Father Diaz said it gently.


"Probationary… My first year... He murmured. "How'd you guess that this isn't my..." He waved around him, gesturing to the church, "Thing?" Buck awkwardly chuckled as the room of people slowly emptied, leaving Buck and Father Diaz behind.

 

Father Diaz chuckled. "You zoned out about halfway in the middle of my sermon." He smiled.

 

Buck looked down guiltily. "My captain brought me here because I wasn't feeling the best… Honestly, I don't believe in this stuff." Buck winced as if he were afraid that he was going to offend the sexy priest in front of him.


"Relax; I'm not offended, I mean… Truth be told, I'm not even sure I believe in half of what the Bible even says, myself."

 

Buck looked at him and said, "You're an agnostic priest? That's a bit hypocritical. Tell people what they should believe in if you don't believe in it yourself." He mused.


Father Diaz chuckled. "Well, I guess you could say that," Father Diaz replied, leaning against the pulpit. "But I see my role more as a guide, helping people find their own path to spirituality rather than dictating what they should believe in."


Buck raised an eyebrow, intrigued by Father Diaz's perspective. "So, you encourage questioning and doubt?" He asked.

 

Father Diaz nodded, his smile widening. "Absolutely. I believe that true faith comes from a place of genuine exploration and understanding, not blind adherence to dogma." Buck looked at him, memorizing the details of his face.

 

"So, you're one of the actually good ones, then?" Buck asked, looking at him. Father Diaz chuckled.

 

"Now, don't go lumping a few bad apples in with the rest of the bushel." He commented. Buck chuckled.

 

"Well, I have to confess to something." Buck said, looking at the candles again. This time, he walked over and lit a candle. Father Diaz followed him.

 

"And what's that?" He asked, looking at Buck.

 

Buck paused, unsure of what to say. There were a lot of things he could confess, including his resentment towards his sister for leaving and ghosting him. His problems with intimacy. How he slept with his therapist. There was a lot.

 

"I hate it when I lose someone. It makes me feel like I didn't do enough. I didn't try harder…"

 

Father Diaz nodded sympathetically, his eyes filled with understanding. "Losing someone can be incredibly painful," he said softly. "But remember, it's not always about trying harder. Sometimes, it's about accepting that we can't control everything and finding peace within ourselves." Buck scoffed at that.

 

"That is such a basic, vague answer." He muttered and sat down. "I hate feeling like I am such a failure. I mean, when I lose a life, I feel like I've failed."

 

Father Diaz sat down next to him. "I was an army medic… So, I understand your feelings. Sometimes, some people aren't meant to be saved; it's a fact of life. We can't avoid death; just prevent it long enough." He commented. "But that doesn't mean we should stop trying," Father Diaz continued. "Even if we can't control everything, we can still make a difference in the lives of those around us. It's about finding the balance between accepting our limitations and pushing ourselves to do better." Buck looked up at him, contemplating his words.

 

"I don't know… I just… I was at the site of the plane crash, and it, uh," Buck stopped for a moment. His eyes stung as his lip twitched. "I pulled more dead out than alive, and I nearly lost my captain because of it." He cleared his throat, fighting back the tears.

 

Father Diaz reached out and placed a comforting hand on Buck's shoulder. "It's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed," he said gently. "But remember, even in the face of tragedy, your actions made a difference. You saved lives, and that is something to be proud of."

 

"Yeah?" Buck sniffled and looked out at the candles. The two of them talked for hours. Father Diaz listened attentively as Buck poured out his emotions, offering words of encouragement and support. As the conversation continued, Buck began to feel a sense of relief and gratitude for having someone to confide in during such a difficult time. The weight on his shoulders felt slightly lighter, knowing that he wasn't alone in his pain.

 

Buck eventually looked at his watch. "Oh, my captain is going to kill me; it's 8 o'clock! I need to get going." He stood up, and Father Diaz followed him to the door. Buck stopped and turned around. "Thank you…" He said it sincerely.

 

"You're welcome…"

 

"I realized that I never even told you my name. Call me Evan or Buck. I prefer Buck."

 

Father Diaz chuckled. "Eddie."

 

"I'll see you later, Eddie." Buck smiled as he walked out to Bobby's car.

 

"You know, when I said take your time, I didn't think that you'd take 3 hours." Bobby said, chuckling before getting serious, "Buck, please tell me you didn't sleep with the priest."

 

"No!" Buck exclaimed. "I wanted to; there's a difference."

 

Bobby exhaled. "Sex isn't therapy!"

 

"No, but you feel good in the middle of it." Buck joked as Bobby drove off with an exasperated sigh.

 

 

Buck started going to church every Wednesday night when his schedule allowed for it. Father Diaz, or Eddie, as he's insisted Buck call him, was giving his sermon, and Buck listened to him more. Every single time, he would stay after to talk with him; they would talk for hours, just like the first night. Buck was laughing at something that Eddie shared about his childhood.

 

As their friendship grew, Buck found solace in Eddie's words and guidance. He began to realize that the conversations they had were not just about laughter but also about finding a deeper understanding of himself and his place in the world. Buck admired Eddie's ability to connect with people and bring them closer to their understanding of their own faith. He saw how Eddie's sermons inspired others and made a difference in their lives. It was through these conversations that Buck started to question his own beliefs and explore his spirituality in a new light. Which he realized was Eddie's intention. He did say that his job was to help people find their own meaning in spirituality instead of dictating.

 

Weeks turned into months. And their friendship grew. Buck and Eddie were lying down on the roof of the church during one of the rolling blackouts in LA. Just laughing and talking about everything and nothing at all. There was a lull of comfort silence between them as they stared up at the hundreds of thousands of stars in the sky. The only sounds are LA traffic and their breathing.

 

"I have a confession to make." Eddie whispered, severing the silence.

 

"That's my line, Father." Buck joked and rolled on his side. A smile was on his face as he looked at Eddie.

 

Eddie chuckled softly at Buck's lightheartedness. "No, seriously," Eddie said, his voice tinged with vulnerability. "I've been struggling with something for a while now, and I trust you enough to share it."

 

Buck's smile faded slightly, replaced by a look of concern. "Of course, Eddie," he replied gently. "You know I'm here for you, no matter what."

 

Eddie sighed as he looked up at the sky. "I'm… gay." He said. "I know, Gay, Catholic Agnostic Priest. What a combo!" He sighed sadly.

 

Buck's concern deepened, but he maintained a supportive expression. "Eddie, I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share that with me. It doesn't change anything between us; you know that, right?"

 

Eddie nodded. "Yeah, I do. Thanks, Buck."

 

"And while we're sharing our sexualities," Buck said, looking at him. "I'm Bi, so. You know… I'll be down in hell with you for liking dick, so…" He laughed. Eddie sighed.

 

"Well, I don't know… it's just… I've only ever been with my wife since we were 14. And now that she's gone… I've realized that I've started to have feelings towards someone of my gender, and well, once I realized that, I realized that I've never felt like I did when I was with Shannon. Sex doesn't even count. With Shannon, it was all about a performance. But with this guy, I feel like myself."

 

Buck looked at him. "Oh… is he someone from the congregation? Eds! That's great! You're crushing on someone!"

 

Eddie sighed. "Yes, he is, kinda." He looked at Buck.

 

"Who?" Buck smiled with excitement.

 

Eddie sighed. "You know, I think I've said too much."

 

"No, Eds, I won't tell anyone who you are crushing on." He laughed as he pleaded.

 

Eddie sighed again. "He's nice, funny, good-looking, and has a big heart. Blue eyes and blond hair. He is a first responder."

 

Buck smiled. "Sounds like a catch, Eds. I can see why you're crushing on him. Are you planning on making a move?"

 

Eddie looked at him, grabbed Buck's shirt, and leaned in as he kissed Buck.

 

Buck jumped slightly in response, but he quickly melted into the kiss. It was slow and tender, careful but exploratory. As they pulled away, Eddie blushed and whispered, "I guess that was my move."

 

Buck grinned, his eyes sparkling with newfound excitement. "Well, Eds, it looks like we both have someone to crush on now." He said it gently before going back for another kiss. Their lips met again, this time with a sense of urgency and passion. The world around them faded away as they lost themselves in the electrifying connection they had discovered. Buck tugged at Eddie's shirt as he pulled him closer. Eddie tugged Buck closer if it was possible as they made out on the roof. The summer night air wrapped around them, heightening their senses and intensifying their desire. Their bodies pressed against each other, the heat between them growing with each passing moment. In that stolen moment on the roof, they both knew that this newfound connection was something they couldn't ignore.

 

Buck pulled around, breaking their kiss; they were both panting. As they looked at each other, Eddie swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. He spoke softly, "I've never felt this way before." Eddie's breath was coffee and mint-scented as it fanned over his cheeks.

 

Buck's heart raced as he nodded in agreement and whispered, "Me neither. It's like everything else fades away when I'm with you."

 

Eddie pulled Buck's mouth back against his. Buck eagerly kissed him again, rolling over on top of Eddie. He was holding his bodyweight up on his elbows. Naturally, their hips bumped against each other as they made out. Their kisses grew more heated, and their bodies pressed tightly together. Eddie's hands ran through Buck's hair, pulling him closer. Buck could feel the heat radiating from Eddie's body, igniting a fire within him. As they continued to explore each other's mouths, a sense of exhilaration and desire filled them.

 

Buck broke their kiss and kissed his jawline. Eddie let out a low moan, his desire evident in his eyes. Buck traced his lips down Eddie's neck, leaving a trail of hot kisses. "Can I?" He rasped out as his hand reached for the buttons of his top. Eddie's breath hitched as he nodded; his anticipation was palpable. He pulled off the white collar as Buck's fingers fumbled with the buttons, his own desire fueling his actions. With each button undone, their connection deepened, and their passion grew stronger.

 

Buck was finally able to push the shirt off of his arms. Buck was stunned to see how ripped he was. That uniform he wears hides his physique, and Buck was pleasantly surprised. As Eddie's shirt rested next to them, Buck couldn't help but admire the sculpted muscles that lay beneath. The sight only fueled his desire further, igniting a fire within him that he couldn't ignore. "You're beautiful, Father Diaz." Buck's voice was deep in his chest as he bent down and kissed Eddie's collar bone.

 

Eddie shivered at the compliment. He sighed as Buck's lips grazed and trailed down further against his skin. "B-Buck…"

 

"Yes?" He had a teasing tone.

 

Eddie's breath hitched as he struggled to find the words. "I want you," he finally managed to say, his voice filled with longing.

 

Buck smirked, his eyes filled with desire, as he whispered, "Then take me." Eddie flipped them where he was straddling Buck's hips. Buck saw a flash of recognition on Eddie's face. "Someone's out to play." He teased feeling Buck's hardening cock. Buck watched him as he unbuttoned Buck's church shirt.

 

"Careful now Father… This is my favorite church outfit." He teased as Eddie chuckled.

 

"Well, it's my favorite too… The blue brings out your eyes." He said as he undid Buck's belt and his own. As their lips met in another sensual kiss, Buck couldn't help but feel a surge of electricity between them.

 

Buck helped Eddie remove his dress pants and then helped Eddie get rid of his. They were down to their boxers. Buck couldn't believe that he had Eddie like this. Their chests were heaving with desire. "Are you sure this is what you want?" Buck asked. "We don't need to go any—" He gasped with sudden pleasure.

 

Eddie wrapped his fingers around Buck's shaft. "We're already this far, yeah?"

 

Eddie's touch sent shivers down Buck's spine. The intensity of their connection was undeniable, and Buck found himself surrendering to the passion that consumed them both. He pulled Eddie closer, kissing him again, his hand reaching for his own shaft.

 

Eddie gasped slightly at the contact of Buck's hand on his dick. They were stroking each other's shafts, lost in a world of pleasure and desire. Both of their hands were moving in sync, matching each other's pace. Eddie moaned when Buck's thumb swiped over his slit. Buck gasped when Eddie gently squeezed his cock, using his precum to slick up his length. Their bodies moved in perfect harmony, their movements becoming more urgent and desperate with each passing moment. Buck could feel himself nearing the edge, the pleasure building within him. Eddie's moans grew louder, his grip tightening around Buck's cock. As they reached their climax together, waves of ecstasy washed over them, leaving them breathless and satisfied. Eddie kissed Buck sloppily as their hands stroked through their highs.

 

"I think we can save the other stuff for an actual bed." Eddie commented. Buck laughed. "Oh no, my captain is gonna kill me… I said I wouldn't sleep with you."

 

"Oops."

 

"What he won't know… won't hurt him. What do you think Father Diaz?"

 

Eddie chuckled. "I think… I want to take you out."

 

"On a date? I'd like that…"

 

"Good. Say Saturday… after your shift?" Eddie asked.

 

"I'd like that." Buck smiled kissing him. They continued to exchange affectionate kisses, savoring the taste of each other's lips. His heart raced with excitement as he realized that this was just the beginning of something beautiful between them. Buck couldn't wait to explore their connection further and see where it would lead them.