Chapter Text
The hallways of the Enterprise were very sleek and clean. So much white, but not overly sterile or blinding. Bringing her sleeve covered hands across her chest, Nyx shuffled her way slightly behind Christine taking in everything. She was thankful many of the crew members were too focused on their own tasks to truly pay her any mind.
“These are your quarters!” The nurse’s chirpy voice snapped her out of her wonder.
The doors slid open with a quiet whoosh after Christine put in a code on a keypad on the doors’ frame. The blonde stepped into the threshold of the dimly lit cabin, double taking when Nyx hadn’t stepped in with her. She was standing just outside the entrance, taking a good look at her future lodgings. Examining it. Christine let her take her time, smiling gently when Nyx realized what she was doing and blushed.
“Sorry,” Her voice was falsely happy, dripping with self depreciation.
“No worries. Do you want me to show you around, or give you some space, or-”
“Don’t leave please,”
Nyx hadn’t meant to sound so whiny and desperate. But the thought of being alone was not very appealing at the moment. She wanted to shrink into her borrowed hoodie and melt through the floor. But Christine was nice and just smiled, nodding her head to the side, urging Nyx to come in.
“We can get a new code programmed into the door for you whenever you like,” She informed. “I hope our guest quarters will be comfortable for you,”
Nyx couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped her. Looking up from the very interesting floor, she was met with Christine’s slightly confused face.
“Do you know how long it has been…” Her words died in her throat. A frown appeared on Christine’s face. She took a deep breath and a moment to bring her thoughts together.
“I cannot even imagine what you have been through. What you survived. But I do know that you are here now. Safe,”
Nyx’s eyes returned to the floor, she could feel tears threatening to spill over. She gave a small nod.
“As you can see, it’s a pretty standard cabin. Bed, bathroom, replicator. Feel free to rearrange and decorate as much as you want. This space is yours.”
Nyx’s knees swiftly gave out. She came crashing to the floor in a heap of emotion.
“Woah! Are you alri-” Christine cut herself off as she joined Nyx on the floor, sitting neatly at her side. “You know what, I know you’re not. And that’s ok,” It sounded like she was reassuring herself more than the trembling woman beside her.
Her words were muffled to Nyx anyway.
Hot and angry tears ran down her cheeks and heavy sobs racked through her chest. This was too much. Again, it was all just TOO MUCH. She didn’t deserve this. Why was this the treatment she was so graciously being offered? They should have just left her on that god forsaken moon where she belonged! She wasn’t supposed to be here. That life had ended. And it was never coming back.
These thoughts stampeded through her mind. For hours? Days?
An enraged growl came from Nyx as she desperately tried to pull herself together. She knew her mind was feeding her lies. She was allowed to be safe, to heal. But easier said than done. Christine’s presence next to her was reassuring, and only slightly embarrassing. Why was this so hard! She was out! She was here, on a starship, lightyears away from her captivity! Why couldn’t she just move on?
She brought her face up from its hiding place between her knees. Using the too-long sleeve of her hoodie to rub off shed tears. When her breath had stabilized she turned to look at a slightly shaken up Nurse Chapel.
Eventually, Nyx knew she would have to talk to some shrink or whoever to get her mind back in order. But for now, a little deflection never hurt anyone.
“How do you think I should decorate?”
Christine offered a sad smile in return.
—
Two stacks of PADDs sat in front of Spock as he sat on the dim observation deck. The stars slid past the Enterprise’s hull as she shot through the final frontier. Taking a moment to gaze out the viewing window, Spock inhaled deeply. Slowly exhaling, bringing his mind and body back to center.
It was quiet, but the soft footsteps and voices of Gamma shift could be heard through the door. He placed his current PADD onto the table and sat back. After working double shifts for three days, Spock found himself performing at less than optimal levels even with his current… issue.
It had been a week since Nyx had been brought aboard. A week and a half since his pon farr . He knew he was not functioning at full capacity. Of course the preliminary bond was a sizable distraction but he hadn’t realized that his body was still recovering from the unorthodox conclusion to his pon farr . No matter how much Vulcans liked to deny it, there was a rather long recovery period after such an event, even longer for a human-Vulcan hybrid.
Steepling his fingers, Spock thought on this as he watched the universe float by.
Nyx would have been released from sick bay by now, or would be soon. He wondered what she would do? How she would react to her new surroundings after being trapped and tortured for so long.
He stopped himself rather abruptly as he wished himself to be by her side.
This kind of thinking had to cease immediately. He refused to cause more harm to her than he already had by somehow initiating the bond in the first place.
But… something inside him yearned for her. Her mind continued to call out to him just slightly. Their meld in sick bay was highly unprofessional and against the morals of Vulcan. But Spock could not find it in himself to be mad or ashamed of his actions. If anything, that little primal beast inside him was jumping for joy, absolutely enraptured by his possibly future bondmate. His logic, the very thing that held him together yielded to the situation. Why break something that is beautiful, even if it came out of an ugly situation?
He sighed, picking up his PADD once more. He would attempt to meditate on this later. Or perhaps reach out to someone for advice.
Spock paused for another moment, finger halted just above the screen. M’Benga knew much of Vulcan biology and culture. Pike was becoming more and more like a surrogate father every day. Christine was a good friend. But none of them truly knew what it was like to go through a Vulcan bond. Especially a romantic one.
Of course.
His mother.
At this realization, Spock quickly gathered his work and made his way back to his cabin. The lights on the ship were dimmed and only a few crew members were out and about, most nodding respectfully as he passed. He was stopped only once to answer a brief question from one of his science officers about a current research project. Finally he reached his door, it quickly opened for him. Placing his stacks of PADDs on the side of his desk out of the way, he sat down in front of his console.
Mother,
I am in need of your advice. I find myself in a curious situation. If we could speak at your earliest convenience.
Ltn. Spock
He sat for a moment after he hit send. Thinking about the best way to go about explaining this matter. Sooner than he expected his computer signaled he received a response. Slightly surprised at his mothers punctuality and current state of consciousness he clicked on the message.
Hi Spock,
I would love to talk with you! I have missed hearing your voice. Does now work?
With Love,
Ko-mekh
Instead of typing out a response as he usually would, Spock found himself immediately calling up a visual transmission. His need for answers, advice, anything was becoming intolerable. It left him with a sense of unease.
“Hello darling,” His mothers gentle voice was like a cool salve on a wound. He found his body relaxing.
“Greetings Mother,”
“How are you Spock? We haven’t spoken in a while. How is the Enterprise?” She was curious but not overly assertive. She had always held a certain fascination for his career and missions. Always wanting to know what new and interesting things he had discovered.
“I am operating at far less than optimal levels. I am concerned about a recent event that took place,”
“Oh baby, what happened,” Worry filled her face over the screen. Even though she had lived with Vulcans for longer than she had without, she still showed her emotions when she was with her family. This used to frighten and frustrate Spock. But now it was a comfort.
“Approximately eleven days ago… I abruptly entered my Time. As I was not in my right mind, I apprehended a shuttle and was soon captured and brought to a moon as a prisoner,”
“Oh my God Spock!” He could tell she was trying to remain in control.
“I am alright now, the plak-tow was quenched when I battled my attackers. However when I was in captivity, there was a woman,”
His mother nodded along, brows slightly furrowed in worry and interest.
“She… touched me while I was still under the influence of the pon-farr. I do not remember much more of the occasion until I woke up the next day. She was then taken away for several hours,” He paused, closing his eyes as he tried to banish the memories of her blood pooling on the dirty floor of the cell. “Captain Pike and a rescue team liberated us but she was still unconscious. She was brought up to the ship for medical treatment for the injuries she received.” His voice caught in his throat. “She remained in a coma for two more days before awakening,”
There was a pause. He met his mothers eyes through the screen.
“Mother,” He began, but the words refused to come.
“It’s ok Spock. Take your time sweetheart,”
“Mother, it is the shon-ha-lock. ” Spock’s eyes dropped to his lap, ashamed.
“Congratulations Spock!” Her excitement was soft and tender.
“No Mother. Please! I have hurt her! My mind reached out to hers without her consent! I am no better than her tormentors!” Despite his best efforts, he felt hot tears forming in his eyes.
There was another beat of silence as Amanda formed her response to her sons’ distress.
“Baby,”
“Mother, I am no longer an infant-” He was cut off.
“You will always be my baby, Spock. At least behind closed doors.” A gentle smile. “I can’t even imagine how overwhelming and jarring this whole situation must have been. Going through a pon-farr without proper assistance is-”
“Yes Mother,” It was his turn to cut her off, voice sharp and his cheeks and ears turned green with embarrassment.
“Well it’s true Spock, whether anyone talks about it or not. But you know how the shon-ha-lock bond works baby! Sure it's rare, not as rare as the t’hy’la , but you still know. It takes two to tango,”
His mother’s nonchalant attitude was both refreshing and infuriating.
“That is was Dr. M’Benga said,”
“Then again I congratulate you once again Spock. Does she know?”
“Yes, to a point, we have melded and are… very compatible. But Mother, she is wounded! The things that happened to her-” The tears threatened to fall.
“What happened to her?”
“I do not know how she was captured, but she was imprisoned for four years. She was beaten and raped on a weekly basis Mother! She was covered in blood when they threw her back in the cell! She needed a full hysterectomy to try to reverse the damage done!” Big, angry tears were flowing freely down his cheeks. “When I awoke in the cell, the guards were going to take me,” A gasp fell on numb ears. “She antagonized them! Why would she do that? She knew what would happen if she did! When she woke up on the ship, she was terrified. I felt her. She refused to tell Captain Pike her true name at first. But then we melded… Mother, her mind is destroyed. How could she consent to a bond?”
“Spock,” Amanda began after another beat of silence, truly digesting everything her son had just divulged. “She-she saved you! She is a survivor. I cannot speak to her mental state, but I do know that a bond absolutely could not have been formed if she was not on board. It’s called ‘love at first sight’ for a reason, baby.” Spock roughly wiped his tears away. “Meditate on this, give yourself and her time to heal and recover. Then, talk with her. Let her know what is really going on. If it is anything like your father and I, she will notice a change in her mental processes,”
“Are you certain Mother? I cannot fathom causing her more damage.”
“Trust me Spock. She wanted this. It doesn’t hurt to give her all of the information and let her make a full conscious decision. But how do you feel about her?”
“She is beautiful Mother,”