Work Text:
As usual, it's just another day.
For some, that means an ideal weather, waking up on time, or enjoying their time on earth. Tsunayoshi sighs enviously at the thought, smiling with a twitch. He loves his mother but...
Nana Sawada isn't exactly the typical housewife or mother.
With the help of her angelic smile, there's the blessing in which the mother and son end up with food from the others instead of having to use their own food, Tsuna clocking their knowing looks.... Unfortunately today is not that day. His stomach weakly growls as the ominous source of doom greets him. He almost grimaces, but the one thing that his klutz of a mother has had is a keen eye for her son. His facial muscles stiffen with instinctive use.
"Tsu-kun! Breakfast is ready!"
Sometimes, he does wonder if his mother is the devil, as he walks down the stairs and into his seat.
The omelet and soup both look like they've been stirred and personally cooked by the devil, an odd green tinge to both things in different hues. Fresh. And horrible. But if there has been one thing Tsuna has always been good at, it's lying to his mother with good intentions. He had to, otherwise, Tsuna would see his poor mother reduced to tears. She already didn't receive his treatment by the others in school well, he didn't want to tell her even more.
A mother's tears were always misfortune, after all. (Everytime she cried, it did feel like the cry of a banshee.)
So in time, he learned to suck it up.
After being his mother's son for years, her lighter attempts at breakfast was lightwork for his iron stomach. Tsuna remembered often crying and making a fuss, but it eventually clicked for him that this was just how it was going to be, as depressing as that sounded. Thankfully, she let him cook more and he helped her out (changed the whole recipe) behind her back when she wasn't looking. At first, Tsuna wondered if it was an inherited curse to make things bad, but considering that it was hard to unmake borderline deadly foods into something normal, it was no surprise that the combo of his clumsy first efforts with his mother's cooking didn't really fix much.
At the very least, he learned how to make rice with little issue, after convincing his mother it was best to take some of the burden off of him. It was just the issue of what accompanied these things where shit went wrong. Making some onigiri helped stave off the almost spoilt and chemical effects of the food, but there was only so much seasoned rice and junkfood he could eat, especially when his beloved mother was a bored housewife who liked.... experimenting with her food.
Nevermind the fact that all of their kitchen tools looked like they belonged to an evil witch, which was apt considering that his mother knew a mysterious man who was the one to get his mother into cooking, unfortunately. Said man also happened to magically disappear or have a busy thing the moment Nana wanted him to taste test it....
Tsuna could spot the gleeful malice in his eyes as he waved goodbye, Tsuna instinctively chucking a candle at the chuckling man.
That motherfucker somehow phased through the candle. How did he do that?
He despised Kawahira as he stomped back home. Tsuna had no luck in finding the man's house and hunting him down with his mother's cooking, but it would one day happen, he swore to himself...Even his mother serving him a flat glass of tap water on the spot had a pungent and sour taste to it. Tsuna had managed to gaslight his taste buds into thinking it was expired lemonade...It was a miracle Tsuna was still relatively sane. He could feel his brain cells dying. In fact, he didn't know if he could survive further....it was partially the reason why he couldn't quite focus on his studies.
No one tells you how much food really matters, for the worse, as Tsuna shovels the questionable food down his throat.
Huh.
Today's breakfast wasn't poisonous this time. Just.... odorless. The eggs reminded him of slime and playdoh, something unnatural and weird but not enough to set off his gag reflex. The boy was certain he could eat anything, with a furrowed grimace. But hey... Tsuna's lips unpursed as he finished swallowing the food. Couldn't hurt to ask her.
"Did you change something about it? It tastes... different."
Nana beamed, unaware of her son's eternal plight. Tsuna resisted the urge to show his weak constitution with gritted teeth. "Mister Kawahira gave me some more tips!" He wondered what his mother had eaten in her life to cheerfully eat gray eggs without even flinching.
His life felt like a joke. A cruel one.
One time, he gave his mother a rice ball that was filled to the brim with salt and pepper by accident, one that he was planning to throw away. He looked at his mother worried, but she didn't even cough despite the copious amounts of salt and pepper on his trash rice ball. In fact, she seemed rather... pleased?
He wrinkled his nose.
"Um..mom? I think I put a bit too much pepper and salt in the rice...."
She looked at him, confused. "I think you're doing pretty good. Could use more salt, actually." Nana took another bite with innocent eyes. Fear took over him, the son beginning to sweat.
No way...Right?
Gesturing for his mother to give him a bit of whatever was left, he hesitantly swallowed it--immediately hacking his guts up for a moment. Tsuna was glad he was practically a professional in choking anything horrible down. Even eggshells. What the hell was his mother on, the male gagged. Right. Never trust his mother, no matter how angelic her face was. At least she was too busy nibbling on his terrible riceball to see her loved son nearly die from his own creation...She always somehow managed to trick him into things like this....he didn't know if it was made better or worse that she was genuine.
But there was hope.
Unfortunately it came in the shadow of the Devil with an adorably chubby checked hitman....hitboy? Tsuna's ear stings from the nearby burst of gunpowder and a bullet whizzing into the wall. Huh. His ire rose just slightly, the boy smiling passively. Tsunayoshi tilts his head, just a centimeter away from the attack with a daring look. "Just who are you...."
"A man."
He smirks as Tsuna's tired eyes look at him in immediate disagreement, but the boy doesn't do anything as his eyes keep track of where the Italian's finger is on the trigger. Smart boy. "Think of me as your.... mentor. I'll look forward to whipping you into a proper Boss."
He raises an eye, bemused.
"Are you sure? Who sent you here..." Their house was more notorious than a box filled with potential. "Are you sure you'll even be able to survive here?" His mother's cooking was that of the devil. It would certainly be enough to keep armies at bay. Even his deadbeat dad rarely stopped by for a reason, whenever it was time to eat.
Tsuna smiled.
He couldn't wait for a new guest.
"Don't underestimate your elders, brat." Reborn spits out, with a dark tinge. The baby's voice is a light gravelly tone. Tsuna snorts. Suddenly, Nana's voice interrupts the terse air.
"Tsu-kun, are you getting along with your tutor? I heard he's really qualified!"
And almost in the blink of an eye, the muttering teenager sounds almost enthusiastic, barring the dead look in his eyes. "Oh, of course!" His face almost mirrors his mother's, disturbingly chirpy. Reborn squints at him in suspicion but Tsunayoshi just smiles even more, just like his mother but it's so wrong that the hitman is tempted to beat him up on impulse. Just like his father, Reborn supposes. "He's a genius. I look forward to his presence.... shouldn't you make something special for today, then?"
Nana makes an excited noise, humming.
"I forgot! You're right." Her voice turns a bit devious. "I haven't made my specialty in a long time." For good reason, her son suppresses the urge to cough from the putrid memories.
Reborn watches as Tsuna's smirk turns almost too gleeful. His lips twitch.
"Afterschool?"
"Of course! It's a dinner meal, like always. Reborn, don't eat too much in the afternoon!"
"..."
Something wasn't right, and Reborn didn't need his godly observational skills to know this. Leon only blinked passively, not deeming any of this conversation dangerous despite Reborn's suspicions. The door slams shut as Tsunayoshi leaves. Reborn jumps onto his fluffy matted head, tugging at his head, "Steel eyed Tsuna, quit the bullshit."
"...You seem to know everything about me, don't you?" The brunette laughs. "My mother certainly doesn't know it. Go back to your own home, Reborn."
"Unfortunately, I can't," the smirk in his voice is palpable. "Your mother signed the contract, after all."
Tsuna sighs, glancing up at the kid with pity. "You really have no clue, do you? Oh well, you'll learn soon enough." The tone in his voice deepens ever so slightly, the nearby students stopping and making sure to not stumble into the boy with an iron smile. Or even walk too close in his general area.
It's almost like the world stops.
Reborn quickly catches onto this, quirking an eyebrow. The kid wasn't good enough to even be a runt in the mafia, but he was clearly garnering his own reputation. Clearly not a kid who had friends, despite how his features were as gentle as his mother's, Reborn immediately felt nostalgic with how Tsunayoshi pushed past the others with his intimidating aura. Whether or not he got it from Iemitsu or just generally came with having Giotto's blood in the teenager, Reborn could work with this civilian.
The brat was slightly getting on his nerves, but he had potential.
Contrary to how the boy had acted in his house, he wasn't even remotely sweet with how the disciplinary committee members gave him a knowing nod, not saying anything to intimidate the skinny kid.
Watching Tsunayoshi was quite interesting.
He clearly had plenty of intelligence, but not the room for patience or incompetence, snarkily pushing back against his teacher Nezu. Though, Reborn doesn't mind the stupid man getting a taste of his medicine. Within one day, Reborn didn't need to see more of this idiot's teachings, his eye twitching at how utterly wrong the pot bellied man was.
Tsuna took a nap, uncaring of the world. Reborn would have to rectify that.
....Right after he dealt with the issue his newly annointed student had laughed at, the false smile glued onto his face as Nana served Reborn and Tsuna a heaping amount of ....soup. The man didn't like famed Japanese foods like sushi all that much, but he would rather have someone shoot raw fish down his gullet than be served the ominously purple stew. Could it even be called food ? It was curry soup, she says.
A classic, she says.
Reborn looked gravely at his student, then back to his student’s mother.
Her eyes sparkled like a little lamb, oblivious to the death and carnage she would sow onto the world if she ever hosted a mass gathering. He stared at her fingers, wondering how such an innocent civilian could be so deadly. Wasn't she just a housewife? Reborn had never felt the urge to shiver, even under the most daunting scenarios as a professional killer.
Leon refused to perch down from his shoulder, crawling to get away from the stench of the soup. It was clear that this set up wouldn’t fare well for any of them.
And if there was one thing Reborn didn't like, it was awful food.
But still, looking at the son gulp it down like it was nothing while Nana took her sweet time eating it, it was just like Iemitsu to marry a woman this deadly and insane as him. He had to give the boy some points, because no mafioso would come from this hellish meal out alive. Either that, or the toughest men would end up in a vegetative state.... Reborn's stomach rumbled ominously and he pushed his bowl away.
He wasn’t hungry.
Nana looked understandably sad but Reborn knew he would not survive the night, Tsunayoshi's malicious gremlin eyes flashing behind the puppy for a mother. Reborn could feel a headache thudding at his temples. He smiled politely, placing a hand on Nana's finger. He was at least able to get Tsunayoshi to stop pulling that smug face and be more proactive as he sulked behind his mother.
What a child.
"Maman," he started firmly. A shadow took over his face as he solemnly took off his hat. "I think I can do you a favor. If Tsunayoshi has been struggling with his grades, I'm sure raising this boy on your own has been hard... in my culture, I believe that mothers should be treated with the utmost respect. I have a contact who wants to live with us as a cook, if you'll have her."
"Oh my?" Nana gasps, eyes filled with surprise. "Reborn, I couldn't--"
"--I insist." The hitman says dryly, with a fraying smile. Nana was much more challenging than he had expected. "It's on the house, no additional contract needed. It'll especially help with your boy's energy, since she's very specialized in cooking."
"Oh, how delightful!" She claps excitedly. "I'm afraid I'm not very good at doing additional culinary research, but if it means this friend of yours can help Tsu-kun, you have my blessings!"
Reborn feels the tension in his chest relax.
"Excellent, maman. She's actually in Japan, so I'll make a call right now."
Tsunayoshi doesn't know what to think, staring daggers into the baby across him behind his mother's back as the door opens. Hmph.
Bastard.
....
He then retracted that statement when something godly wafted into the house. It was hard trying to not visibly drool when the pink haired woman greeted the house with a giant pot of soup.... His eyes dilated.
Oh, kami.
It was genuine Food.
There was a hunger in the pit of his stomach.
He had decent food before, but something about this felt different. One bite turned into 6 bowls, and Tsunayoshi was certain he had eaten half of the soup in one sitting as Nana praised the woman. He had never felt so full before.... nor did he think he'd ever get an actual meal that tasted like it was ambrosia from the gods themselves.
"So, what do you think--"
"Reborn. I will do. Anything. For good fucking food." The teenager's eyes shined with a long seeded hunger, hope in his eyes as he bowed his head to the baby. “I’m in.”
"....Even the mafia?" There was no way—
The boy nodded solemnly. There was even a crazed look in his eyes, almost reminiscent of Reborn's bloodlust. Reborn frowned, filled with mixed emotions. "I'd do many things for good food. If you doubt me, remember what I'm used to on a daily basis. You can still try my mom's cooking, if you want." His face turned slightly ashen, with a grimace. "We always have leftovers..."
No one could finish it… his mother loved making giant feasts, unfortunately.
Both their faces twitched for a moment.
"We don't have to go that far," Reborn agreed. "Is your mother also a criminal by chance and did we somehow miss that in our research?"
At the very least, her cooking was a crime. He would love to bring a plate to the Vindice and see if her cooking was indeed worthy of going to hell. Tsuna sighed. "I wish. It would make more sense, but no. She was just born like that....somehow, I've managed to survive her cooking for this long. She really just can't taste the food. It just... tastes normal to her?"
"I think your mother is much more concerning than me having to train you into a mafia heir." Reborn deadpanned.
Tsuna hated to agree with this smug baby, but his mother really didn't make life easy, he admitted with a shiver.
Anyways, the hard part about placing a civilian into the mafia had already passed by so easily with the odd situation in the Sawada household.
Bianchi's nice homemade food was a good motivator for the cranky teenager, turning into a fucking animal when the situation called for it. If Verde was allowed into the situation, he was certain Tsunayoshi would be deemed a feral animal and on a paper showing how primal man could be even in modern times. Leon bit the hitman's cheek before he could consider experimenting more and writing a thesis on his creature of a student. It would violate the code of mafia, unfortunately, to record a mafia heir's beastly habits to the public. Timoteo also made him sign an additional contract where he didn’t actually start testing his student like a guinea pig.
He sighed, almost sounding sad.
Out of morbid curiosity (and boredom), Reborn eventually shot a dying will bullet into the oblivious creature that was his student at midrange, and then someone stepped on his food by accident.
Things went out of control immediately.
The hitman had to pull Tsuna away from the screaming student before he ended up turning into a cannibal right at the sports festival, a Leon hammer nearly killing the feral boy, left unconscious and with a few welts on his head. Shamal had to bandage that poor victim's throat.
More people got scared of his student.
Kyouya perked up at the increase in bloodlust, smiling maniacally somewhere away from the scene. Reborn resisted the urge to facepalm as Bianchi cheerfully handed his student another bento filled with some well made pasta.
Tsuna smiled.
....it was inevitable that Tsunayoshi would have people who tried to kill him and Reborn would be proud of him feral he was, just not in front of a good chunk of the population, Reborn sighed. But at least they managed to get 3 of their guardians in one fell swoop after that incident. Gokudera was late, but hey, a lot of other shit was happening, Reborn thought with a blank stare in the midst of chaos.
All of this might as well happen, sure.
Fuck the order, why not.
Nothing mattered, Reborn just needed to get this contract over with.
The sooner the better, he thought.
Thanks to others enjoying sparring with a feral and food driven Steel Eyed Tsuna, that almost leads to potential murder after Reborn loads a dying will bullet as a surprise, resulted in Hibari letting his Sky loose on his forces and Reborn was pleasantly surprised that most of the disciplinary committee members had managed to get a few more punches in before getting the shit punched out of them by the troublemakers who broke out of the Vindice jail...fuck.
Reborn rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming.
He had been dragged around by the sudden changes in his plans in the first place, and now he was dealing with juvenile mafia grade criminals. Great. Just what he needed. And apparently, he was severely not in touch with any of his other duties—Timoteo’s letter about the criminals sitting on Reborn’s desk for almost 2 weeks. Information delayed by that long was enough to kill 500 men.
Reborn was too old for this bullshit.
At least Bianchi was doing great for morale, though.
She even made him some fresh cannoli. Reborn and Leon ate up the delicious desserts with the assassin as they watched everyone handle the nastiness of the Mafia in a considerably good state.
Ryohei was already used to having cracked ribs thanks to the mass sparring sessions, Kyouya was great at feeding into the collective bloodlust, Gokudera learned to be even quicker on his feet by instinct, while Takeshi learned how to use anything as a weapon. Tsuyoshi refused to give the boy the sword in fear his stupid son would end up tossing it, and Reborn thought his fears were confirmed, seeing how easily he tossed things out without even examining them further after a few uses.
And as for Tsuna, the dear Sky himself was already gnawing and single handedly getting rid of the Killer Twins with future Lambo and I-Pin discarding the bodies.
Well, about to.
Bianchi stopped them from discarding the corpses, happy as she dragged the bodies into God knows where. Reborn shook his head. Of course, it had to be the cannibal that cooked the best and almost always made his student turn into a frenzied beast motivated by nothing but food. Did she put crack in his food?
It was even more potent than a dying will bullet that was all the rage.
The female Storm was simply that good. Besides, Reborn licked his lips. Blood went well with sweetness, happy he could share a few meals with his animal companion in the making. But of course, there were a few moments where Reborn could see that the creature he was tempting into the mafia with treats was still a human child, seeing how Tsuna had recklessly rushed into the matter in an irritated state.
Lancia's spiked ball was deadly, but Mukuro’s powers were much worse than Reborn had anticipated.
He supposed it came with the territory of essentially dying over and over in that sad and unethical place.
Reborn smiled.
They would be good for the culling of the other mafiosi who he knew wouldn't hesitate to overthrow the current Famiglia hierarchy thanks to his student's lack of mafia credentials. The hitman despised that the Vindice came in all their visceral and chained glory, but drank in their rage when Tsunayoshi had used his powers to claim all of them, throwing the jailers a deal and a favor with that firm glare. Though Mukuro and the others had broken many promised rules instituted by the Vindice, the temptation of power was always there, and Reborn learns that mummified bastards were no better than regular men.
Time after time again, the feral pubescent beast Reborn was training—had managed to overcome all obstacles, even from a world dominating maniac.
Unsurprisingly, he wasn't friends with Byakuran Gesso after all that had been done in that other future, but the boy wasn't against violent men as his allies. The Vongola Sky easily suppressed and coerced him into a newly forged alliance between the young generations of the Mafia. Reborn could only laugh.
He certainly wasn't a civilian at heart like Nono or that CEDEF idiot wanted. He was better.
The visage of Giotto di Vongola on Tsunayoshi’s face only added salt to the burn on their pride. There was nothing innocent about this boy, though he did a good act whenever his lovely mother came by. All of them did, when it came to her. It was the only law of decency the boy had, not caring much more for anyone aside from following Omerta and Vongola rules that aligned with his values. Xanxus turned out to be a pretty good advisor too, occasionally handing in a few corpses to Vongola's guardians as a means of diplomacy.
Bianchi was happy to give everyone her own lessons on cooking the right meat at the right temperature and prep.
And if anyone wanted to truly make someone suffer, they had to appeal to Decimo's mother for a nice Tupperware that barely held onto its life from the deadly soup. Nana's fearsome skills had only increased exponentially the more she talked about cooking with Bianchi, even a whiff of her food being fatal to many weaker mafiosi. Many feared the woman with an angelic smile.
It was a beautiful combination.
A mother's earnest love that ends up saving her own son on several occasions.
Nowadays, Tsunayoshi only complains about the assassinations being too boring, baring his teeth with a smile at the thought of hunting more people down. Nana laughed at her son's 'joke' unaware of the grim reality, but they wouldn't have it any other way. Oh, and Reborn did manage to feed the disgusting foods to the Vindice. Much to his surprise and repulsion, they adored the food, which made things even better and worse simultaneously. After the hitman cheerfully sent in a whole horrifying feast to the Vindice, who was wholly sustained on death and decay, a few suspiciously bandaged “humans” became friends with the mother, who looked ready to cry tears of joy at how much they enjoyed it.
…..Well, at least the Vindice wouldn’t be an issue for Tsuna’s reign, suffice to say.
Reborn also was busy hunting down Kawahira, who was also motherfucking Checkerface, for teaching Nana’s stomach hurtling methods of “cooking”. He could’ve killed him for the whole curse, yes, but Reborn would rather die as a baby than deal with Nana’s accidental murder attempts with those accursed deer-like eyes.
And of course he knew Reborn was hunting him down.
The stench of that foul soup was too distinct for him to not realize it. Reborn had to seriously clean out a few headquarters, after Kawahira had managed to somehow place all parts of Nana’s cooking in his stuff. Millions and millions of euros destroyed. Leon hissed, looking enraged in his cute and scaly visage.
Reborn cocked his gun.
And Tsuna was with them, a deathly still smile on his feral student’s face. Reborn smirked. For a civilian, he wasn’t bad. Reborn was looking forward to dealing with Kawahira.
End!
(Hey its me, the author of this story I can't figure out how to put in images in the notes section so fuck it, I'm doing it here, but I did indeed make some drawings on this fic! :3c
and yeah that's it goodbye xoxo)